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Desperate for Reassurance

October 12, 2016

If you’ve ever heard me give my testimony, you know part of what I share is being a little girl twirling around next to my daddy, wishing I could know that he loved me.

Maybe in his own way, he did love me. But something was broken in our relationship that left me feeling desperate for reassurance.

Over the years, God has healed my heart in miraculous ways. Through God’s promises I’ve been reassured of all those things I wished my earthly father would have said. I know God’s love for me is deep, unwavering and certain.

But there are still times I catch myself twirling again. Crying out again. Wishing I could feel totally secure. Hating my insecurities. And mad that this struggle I thought was over, surfaces still.

Maybe it always will.

And maybe that’s not such a bad thing.

For it keeps me desperate for a reassurance I can’t get any other way. It keeps me desperate for God.

I can stand in an arena with thousands of people clapping for the message I just gave … and still feel my heart desperately twirling.

I can conquer my food demons and finally fit back into my skinny jeans … and still feel my heart desperately twirling.

The only thing that stops the desperation, the uncertainties, the insecurities, the twirling … is for the Spirit of God to lay across my heart and make it still. The blanket of His presence and His protection is the only perfect fit for the deep creases and crevices carved inside me.

I don’t know what tough things you’ve been through sweet sister, but I do know this: Brokenness is universal. We all have things in life that trigger deep insecurities and our own personal “twirling about,” searching for reassurance.

But here’s the amazing thing.

While brokenness is universal, God’s redemption is also universal for those who proclaim Christ as Lord. No matter what cracks and crevices we have in our hearts, if we seek the truth of God above all else, He is enough to fill in those raw places.

“Whatever is true … think about such things … And the God of peace will be with you” (Philippians 4:8b, 9b).

Have you caught your heart twirling, desperate for reassurance lately? Today, spend a few minutes letting these truths fill your mind and seep into those desperate places of your heart:

“The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you; but will rejoice over you with singing” (Zephaniah 3:17, NIV).

“I pray that you … may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ” (Ephesians 3:17b, 18, NIV).

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7, NIV).

“The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: ‘I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness’” (Jeremiah 31:3).

I pray these truths flood your heart with peace like they do mine. Peace that gives you permission to stop twirling and start to live like you are loved.

Because you are.

Deeply. Abundantly. And without end.

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  1. Lessenor Ackermann

    Thank you Lisa. Soooo desperately needed to hear/read those words right now! I pray that God continue to bless, anoint and pour his favour upon you!

  2. Danielle


    • Lilli

      I am at the lowest point in my life. My husband has left I’m in a house completely packed up with nowhere to go. I am beyond heartbroken where is God. I am grief stricken with the loss of my husband leaving. I have no family. None. I desperatey need a job. I feel so broken so alone and terrified. Please God hear my prayers. I need a miracle.

      • Lysa TerKeurst

        Sweet Danielle. There are no perfect words to say in this situation, but know that we are praying for you right now. Jesus, we pray for you to come near to our sister today. We pray that you would comfort her in immense ways that only you can, that you would provide a job for her during this time, and grant her peace over this troubling time. We are so thankful that You draw near to the brokenhearted. We love you, amen!
        LT ministry team

  3. Deanna

    Thank you!

  4. Rachelle Craig

    Thank you Lysa! I spent the weekend at the women’s conference in Lima, Ohio listening to you speak. I just want to thank you again! I can’t tell you how many times I felt the presence of Jesus that weekend. I needed that time to worship, listen, and learn to live loved. Your ministry has taken my faith to a whole new level, and I am so grateful for you and your team of beautiful women! Blessings to you and your ministry! ❤

  5. Buffy

    Dear Lysa, I appreciate the scriptures above as sometimes when things go awry, one begins to wonder how God thinks. I have felt angry and betrayed as I’m still processing the fact that on my b-day last week most of my family members forgot and/or ignored it. The Sunday before my b-day I met with the usual group, but they talked mostly about what vacations they wanted to take, etc. Thankfully, on my actual b-day, my cousin & I went out to lunch, and a SIL from out-of-town sent a card. I finally asked God how he felt about my b-day and I think the scripture he “rejoices over me with singing” is a good fit. So thank you for that. P.S. – I just turned 58, but feel more like 48. 🙂

  6. Susan Rupert

    Dear Lysa,
    Thank you so much for your passion to serve God. I was twirling today and as always in God’s perfect timing he sent you. I hope you are doing well. I am home mending from knee surgery and really needed this today.
    Your sister
    Sue Rupert

  7. Joan

    Oh, Lysa, you have no idea how I need those words today. Just months before you announced the coming of your new book and study “Uninvited”, my adult daughter, her husband (and a grandbaby, too) uninvited me from their lives. And I was desperate for answers: why, why me, why now? Your book has touched the depth of my soul. I have read (and led studies) of your other books, but this one has spoken into my life most deeply. As you say, “no matter what cracks and crevices we have in our hearts, if we seek the truth of God above all else, He is enough to fill in those raw places”. Yes, God is enough; He loves me, unconditionally and eternally, and with that; I LIVE LOVED!

    • Sonya

      My adult daughter has also uninvited me. It’s been nearly 3 years. We had dinner once about a year ago and she unloaded on me all of my failings as a mother. My other adult children tell me that it’s just her perspective and assure me that I did the very best I could as a mom, but of course we want to go after the one sheep. We want to “fix” everything. We want everyone to love us (even people we ourselves don’t care much for). I have to give my daughter and her family to God every day and ask Him to let my grandchildren know somehow that I adore them, their mom and their dad. God never promised us that we wouldn’t have broken hearts in this life. but He promised to walk through the pain by our side and carry us when we feel like we can’t walk through it. I pray for healing of your relationships and mine, but even more I am thankful that even if our daughters never understand how much we adore them and would never intentionally hurt them while on this earth, that someday all that confusion and sadness will melt away as we embrace in Heaven fully forgiven and able to forgive as Christ does.

  8. Teress

    Lysa, thank you for this. I’ve recently finished my first book, a memoir that took more than a decade to write.
    It’s hard being transparent and even harder when the struggle you’re writing about remains fully unresolved.
    But God, and the beloved cross where sin and death were taken care of forever. Thank you Christ Jesus for having us rely on you instead of on ourselves

  9. Ingrid

    Thank you so much for sharing this part of your heart with us. I have three amazing, beautiful daughters whose father cannot love them in a way that they can feel. We see him very rarely, and I doubt he will ever be a part of their lives. I have prayed for years and years that God help them be whole in spite of this rejection. Your testimony helps me have hope for them and their future. I pray that the love of their heavenly father will guide them to loving, healthy relationships that they haven’t had the chance to experience first-hand. {{hugs}}

    • Sonya

      So thankful we can cry “Abba Father.” Sometimes I have to envision just climbing up in His lap and being rocked to sleep while I cry out about all in life that is unfair. My earthly father was unable to love and care for our family fully once he became addicted to pain medication. He passed away when I was 23. He never intended to let an addiction take over his life. I can look on his situation with forgiveness and compassion because I have an amazing heavenly father who forgave him and forgives my daily!

  10. Jennifer Waddle

    Thank you for the message of reassurance and the Bible verses!
    Your post reminds me of a Bible study my friend is writing called, Broken Crayons Still Color, that offers hope for women who think that God cannot use their brokenness for His glory.

    Thanks again for your encouragement!

    • Kristin L Hanley

      Jennifer, what a powerful metaphorical image: broken crayons do color! And in our weakest moments, when we feel inadequate to do anything meaningful, He accomplishes great power and glory through our deficiencies. Love this!

    • Janice

      Broken crayons still color ….. what a beautiful thought. Would love to read the Bible study sometime . Thanks for the encouragement Jennifer 🙂

  11. Rita F Manea

    The truth is man is really very much alone in his experiences. No matter how we try we will never able to really understand the pains somebody else goes through. The one and only that can do that is the Christ, the one that came to die in our place to set us free from condemnation and give us a new life. He tasted all our bitterness, all our despair, our guilt, all our sins and the shame they produce in our lives. He is the One and only we can go to and be understood, embraced and forgiven. We can thank Him daily for what He has done for us, to give us newness of life. What a marvelous solution He has provided for us!! All we need is in Him.

    • Sonya

      Beautifully said……
      He completes me.

  12. Carole

    This hit home so much today! I was having the same “twirling” yesterday. Thank you for the reminder that Christ’s love will fill all my cracks!!! God Bless you!

  13. Hilary Horton

    Thank you for this you just discribed what keeps going on with me in a nut shell (the twirling).

  14. Tracey Miller

    It’s so reassuring to hear someone who has fought long and hard for these things to admit she still struggles- I feel alone in that sometimes like somehow I didn’t do something right or I wouldn’t still feel that way. Thank you for your vulnerability! It makes you so credible!

  15. Dee

    Love ❤️

  16. Dana S

    Perhaps Blaise Pascal said it best:

    “What else does this craving, and this helplessness, proclaim but that there was once in man a true happiness, of which all that now remains is the empty print and trace?

    This he tries in vain to fill with everything around him, seeking in things that are not there the help he cannot find in those that are, though none can help, since this infinite abyss can be filled only with an infinite and immutable object; in other words by God himself”

    [This is from page 75 of Blaise Pascal’s Pensees (New York; Penguin Books, 1966).]er

  17. Ana

    This was an on-time message as I have been struggling with feelings of inadequacy lately. But the verses you chose to bring encouragement were needed today. Thank you…

  18. Edith F.

    I am so encouraged by this article as well as your book “uninvited”. You speak my heart language. I thought I was the only one who felt and thought that way, always questioning myself with”what is wrong with me.” Thank you for our transperancy and eagerness to share what the Holy Spirit is teaching you and passing it on to your readers. I have recently learned to stop asking what is wrong with me and started asking where do I believe wrong and what , so I can apply scripture correctly and let my mind be renewed. God is good indeed and what a blessing to come across your book “uninvited.
    Bless you

  19. Marla McKinney

    Lysa, I just read “The Best Yes”. My first book of yours. I have to tell you, I felt like God helped you write this book for me. My people pleasing and inability to say no as well as crippling fear and anxiety over my adult son’s choices, which include addiction. I have been left feeling hopeless and depressed. My closest friends can’t relate and even my husband struggles in how to understand the mind of “the mama”. I am just so thankful I stumbled across your book while rushing into Hobby Lobby for something totally unrelated. My hope in God is renewed and when I am weak He is made strong. Praise the Lord. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I plan to implement many of the suggestions into my life.

  20. Sherry White

    I love how you refer to it as “twirling.” Trying to show yourself or other people “hey look what I can do” and if it’s not met with the fanfare that we desire, we let that make us feel like failures or not good enough. I’ve always been a confident person, but as I’ve set out to pursue my dream of writing all these feelings of approval have crept up and has had me on a roller coaster of a ride within myself. It has made me have to really step back and question why I’m doing it and for who I’m doing it. And the answer is Jesus. He’s my why. He’s my who. And because of that I can stop myself when I feel like I’m reeling out of control with these thoughts and emotions. I can remind myself that I don’t have to do or be anything. I’m enough in Jesus and that’s all that matters.

  21. Betsy Anderson Sheets

    Lysa, my great friend from much earlier time in both our lives, you are speaking right to my heart!! I still carry the rejections around that you were there to witness! Hence, I am leading my small group in the Uninvited study starting next week. I just watched the first lesson and two of your interviews online, and God has sent your message to me special delivery. We are working on a women’s conference for next year and you are at the top of our list for speakers. I’ve even produced pictures ( not terribly incriminating?) to prove to my group that I really did know you way back when. Love you so much, Betsy

  22. Megan P

    Hi Lysa

    My name is Megan and I am from Ohio , I wanted to take a second and tell you the impact that your new book uninvited has had on me . As I’m reading through the book I feel as though you wrote the book specifically for me . As I have had very similar life experiences that you discuss in the book . Needless to say I struggle with a great deal of feeling (Uninvited). Your book is helping me to be aware of various behaviors that may be contributing to me feeling less than, left out , and lonley . Furthermore , it is helping me to (live loved) and in the fullness of God . This is greatly improving my relationship with God . Thank you very much for being vulnerable and taking the time to write this book .

    Best regards ,

    Megan from Ohio

  23. Kathy W Rushing

    Yes, I know the feeling of wanting daddy’s approval ALL my life, and struggling to believe that God, my heavenly father, isn’t waiting to pull the rug out from under me, too. I have come a long way in learning to believe that I am lovable, in large part due to my husband, who reminds me through words and actions that I AM LOVED AND LOVABLE. I am a grateful woman. Thank you for the reminder.

  24. Kristin L Hanley

    Sometimes you just want your Father to join in the dance and say,”Yes, you are beautiful! Yes, you are lovely. Even if you don’t feel it, how true it is!”

  25. Sonya

    I started Made to Crave with a group of ladies at my church on 8/30/16. I love the wisdom and encouragement of finding your “want to” and looking for opportunities to obey rather than looking at the numbers on the scale. I thought this time I might finally get the weight off and keep it off (I’ve lost 100 pounds at least twice in my life). Then satan (lower case intentional) started firing arrows at me. My family and life have been in crisis mode – one thing after another – for 6 weeks now. All my planning went out the window in the face of hospital visits (some overnight and for days on end) and a death in my family. I’m finding it very difficult to find my want to right now, and I just keep failing one bite at a time…… anyone gone through a similar situation? Advice?

  26. AmyJudith

    You have likely read “this” post so many time but I hope you never tire of hearing it. Your book touched me and connected me to God in the most blessed way. I am so grateful you have taken your cross of twirling or deep feeling of rejection and turned that fully toward God. The healing He offers through you and your acceptance of His path for you is in a simple, often overused word, awesome.

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

    • Lysa TerKeurst

      Sweet Amy Judith, it blesses Lysa GREATLY to hear that this book is encouraging people! She even mentioned on Instagram this morning that seeing Uninvited become part of people’s stories and healing journeys breathes such restoration into her soul. So THANK YOU for sharing your heart here!!

      Blessings, sweet friend!
      LT Ministry Team

  27. Lizett Garcia

    My father left us as well, when I was 3. When I read the back cover of your book I knew I had to have it. Thank you. I already feel so much healing because you’re writing what I feel. I picture that little girl at the ditch and I can picture myself when I was little. No matter how much I say to myself that him leaving us doesn’t affect me 28 years later I know it still does. I’m beginning to OWN the fullness of God and beginning to live love. Thank you.

  28. Kimberly

    Thank you for those encouraging words. My mom died in Jan 2016, I can’t get over it. I get angry and ask why? She had cancer. I am so empty. Please pray

    • Lysa TerKeurst

      Sweet Kimberly, we are absolutely stopping to pray for you today. We are so sorry about the loss of your precious mother! Asking the Lord to comfort your heart in very real and tender ways!

      Much Love,
      LT Ministry Team

  29. Ashamed

    I once sat in church and listened to a pastor give a sermon that described trying to avoid an encounter with one of “those” church members. I don’t remember the exact adjectives it doesn’t matter- it wasn’t complimentary. I joined in the nervous chuckles but privately something was crushed inside of me because I was “that” member. It is a shame that can bring tears to my eyes all this time later. I’ve kept the shame of that moment buried inside. I don’t talk to people about it because, well, it is embarrassing. I didn’t seek out the minister because after all it wasn’t a disagreement or misunderstanding that could be discussed and talked through. Why put them on the spot? I felt humiliated enough.
    I’ve struggled with self doubt and feelings of inadequacy all my life. Truth be told that sermon didn’t help matters. I wonder if a person of God views me like this what hope do I have with Jesus. Hopefully, surely there is a place in God’s kingdom for the uncool unchosen person like me?

  30. Gaby

    I had heard this segment on klove and was hooked instantly. I’m going through the exact same thing, Lysa. The relationship with my dad has grown worse over the years. I’ve never been close with him. Although he provides for me, there’s never been any connection. It’s gotten to the point where his presence annoys me. I tell myself “Jesus loves me. Jesus love me. Jesus loves me.” But sometimes it doesn’t keeping me from crying myself to sleep.

  31. Connie Ciatti

    Thank you for your beautiful posts they are real and re-sound in me. Your honesty shows that everyone in their lives have struggles, some that seem impossible. I’m a survivor of domestic violence a 13 year relationship I saved myself and my older daughter and I am so struggling and fighting to save my younger daughter. Through all of this, the blessing is my new husband and I are stronger in our relationship and I am closer to Jesus than I ever have been and my friends have been here for me. Many blessings have come out of all the sadness.

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