For most of my life, I’ve struggled with my weight and committing to a healthy lifestyle. My soul was rubbed raw from years of trying and failing.
I wanted something to instantly fix my issues.
I wanted to stop calling myself awful names I’d never let another person call me.
I wanted to be naturally thin like my sister.
I wanted to stop crying when I walked into my closet to get dressed in the morning.
So when I lost 25 pounds a few years ago and kept it off for the first time in my life, it was a huge victory.
That year, the year I finally got my eating issues under control, I started with a very simple New Year’s prayer. I didn’t write a long list of resolutions as I had in previous years. After all, my list from one year to the next could have simply been a photocopy from the year before.
It was the same stuff, year after year. I started out with great gusto to eat less, move more, make this a healthy lifestyle, and live in victory. Yadda, yadda, yadda.
But each year around January 7, I’d get invited to a party where treats were plentiful and motivation scarce. My stomach would soon be overstuffed and my resolve worn quite thin.
Year after year.
But that year I just couldn’t bring myself to write the list again. So, I prayed this simple prayer: Unsettle me.
These are the words I wrote in my prayer journal…
Unsettle me. These are the two words rattling about in my brain today. I almost wish it were a more glamorous prayer. Surely more eloquent words could be found for what I’m feeling led to pursue during this New Year. But these are the words, this is the prayer.
The funny thing is, I’ve spent my whole existence trying to find a place to settle down, people to settle down with, and a spirit about me worthy of all this settled down-ness. All of this is good. A contented heart, thankful for its blessings, is a good way to settle.
But there are areas of my life that have also settled that mock my desires to be a godly woman — compromises, if you will. Attitudes that I’ve wrapped in the lie, “Well, that’s just how I am. And if that’s all the bad that’s in me, I’m doing pretty good.”
I dare you, dear soul of mine, to notice the stark evidence of a spirit that is tainted and a heart that must be placed under the microscope of God’s Word. Yes, indeed, unsettle me, Lord.
Unearth that remnant of justification. Shake loose that pull toward compromise. Reveal that broken shard of secrecy. Expose that tendency to give up. Unsettle me in the best kind of way. For when I allow Your touch to reach the deepest parts of me — dark and dingy and hidden away too long — suddenly, a fresh wind of life twists and twirls and dances through my soul.
I can delight in hope that this is my year to change. I can discover reasons to appreciate my body and find softer ways for my thoughts to land. I can recognize the beauty of discipline and crave the intimacy with God it unleashes. I can rest assured though the journey will be hard, I will be held.
Goodbye to my remnants, my justification, shards, and tendencies. This is not who I am — nor who I was created to be.
Goodbye to shallow efforts, self-focus, and suspicious fears that I’ll never find victory in this area of my life. I am an unsettled woman who no longer wishes to take part in distractions or destructions.
Welcome deeper love for God and the realization I am made for more than this constant battle. Welcome my unsettled heart.
Are you ready to be unsettled in a good way? Maybe you’re at the beginning of your journey and feel intimidated by the long road ahead. Or, maybe you are on the other end of the spectrum and need ongoing encouragement to stay healthy.
Whether you’re in those places or somewhere in the middle my book, Made to Crave: Satisfying Your Deepest Desire with God, Not Food can help. You’ll find a friend who understands, biblical teaching that is surprisingly motivational, and a victorious perspective in the pages of this book.
I’m giving away signed copies of Made to Crave today to 5 random commenters. To be entered to win, leave a comment below with your prayer for 2015.