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If You See Me Sweating Like Sweet Onions, Here’s Why…

May 31, 2013

I’m not much of a dress-up girl. I mean, I like a cute outfit as much as the next person. But my kind of cute comes in the form of a classy top, stylin’ necklace, jeans and wedges.

Which is not appropriate for a black tie event.

Which is where I’m supposed to be going this weekend. The K-LOVE Fan Awards. I say supposed to because I’ve hit a slight snafu with my attire.

So, I have a long dress. It’s gathered in the right places for maximum hiding of the baby bump that contains nary a child. Please read that last sentence carefully and completely, lest we start some sort of internet rumor mill.

I do not need that happening. No, because I have enough drama happening over this crazy dress situation.

My drama is that I just tried on my outfit in its entirety. And you can…

Hold on for just one moment while I gather myself.

You can…

See…

My…

SPANX!

And I’m guessing if you can see one is wearing Spanx, it sort of defeats the whole game we play since the invention of said wonder wear.

I’m all like, cellulite, what’s that?

All the while dreaming of getting back to my room where I can get this unrealistically tight mess off me. And put on my exercise pants. And sport my cellulite with pride. And reinstate my desire to actually breathe.

But oh my glory heavens, the dress reveals all my secrets. It has a slight slit. That I didn’t notice before. A slit that goes up to my knee. And my Spanx knockoff ends just below the knee.

I can hear you now. You’re all like, they make Spanx in different lengths.

That’s awesome if you don’t have some funky fear of the unmentionables department where you find said Spanx knockoffs.

When I have to buy this * stuff * I go to the Target and totally case out the whole situation to make sure no peoples are coming. And my Target is busy. So this is no easy task.

Then from across the aisle, I eye the item I need.

Hold my breath.

Dash over.

Sweat like sweet onions in a collard field whilst furiously trying to find my size.

Grab it and run back to the safety of my cart stashed in the shoe department. And hide said unmentionable underneath everything else in my cart.

But that’s not even the worst, worst part.

I grew up in the day of the Kmart blue light special where they announced if what you’re buying is on sale. So. EVERY. TIME. I. CHECK. OUT. WITH. * STUFF * I have blue light special ANXIETY.

And y’all know Target doesn’t have the blue light. But still. They do price check sometimes. “Hello Target shoppers. Unmentionables are being purchased right now on aisle 2 and we need a price check.” I would melt into a puddle of pure death by shame.

Kill me now.

Part of me just wants to safety pin that dumb dress slit and call it a day. But I’m presenting an award on the big stage and getting to meet the Duck Dynasty people.

Which in reflecting on the whole situation might be the perfect people to meet whilst wearing a dress with a safety pin. Or I guess I could color said Spanx with a camouflage design and call it a redneck fashion statement.

Just thought I’d update y’all on the world according to Lysa on this fine Friday.

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111 Comments
  1. Jody

    I always worried that when wearing Spanx (and the knockoff) that the rolls would just continue to push their way up and up and reveal themselves like a series of donut rings around my neck!

    Reply
    • Peg

      Hahaha!! That’s exactly what happens to me! After all, all that extra stuff has to go somewhere and it’s usually UP and OUT!

      Reply
    • DeeDee

      my thoughts exactly…ha! what a great laugh this morning 🙂

      Reply
  2. Gail

    I will be praying that you have so much fun just remember it is who we are on the inside that people see not out outward beauty. I am sure your inner beauty will overshadow your self conscious outerbeauty by leaps and bounds. I so wish I could have attented this affair I love K-Love and will be listening to the live broadcast. Thank you for your encouraging words.

    Reply
  3. Patty

    Lysa,
    I read your story this morning and all I heard was, just say Yes when you dress….your beautifully and wonderfully made….your a chosen daughter, holy women, hand made by God…
    I would love to look like you…I do understand the fear in the story, and I will pray your night will be smashing darling..said with the accent…lol
    Love you!

    Reply
  4. Sherry Thompson

    Thanks for a much needed giggle. Try some double sided fabric tape. It works better than a safety pin. :). Have a great time!

    Reply
  5. Shelley Summerville

    Lysa I seriously love you!! I wish I could be there to see the awards- will be listening on Klove though! You would be beautiful in a paper bag because God shines through you and is so evident in all you do! Your “keeping it real” is one of my absolute favorite things about you, and is one of the things people comment about me when I share things- I’ve realized how important it is to be vulnerable and let others know they aren’t alone. I can’t wait to spend more time hearing from you at She Speaks next month and for now will be praying for this awesome weekend! Thank you for allowing God to work through you in such mighty ways each and every day!

    Reply
  6. Carol Fischer

    Hey Lisa, maybe you could wear the ‘unmentionable’ Spanx ON THE OUTSIDE and just tuck the dress in. Those Duck Dynasty guys will love it!!!
    What a great way to start the day! You can make getting a colonoscopy fun…
    GOD will bless whatever you do!
    Carol Fischer

    Reply
  7. debbie manwarren

    THis is why we love you so..your painfully honest and you make all of us gals feel NORMAL! YOu are beautiful. so dont worry, no one is gonna think much to the details only you know are there! 🙂 HAve fun!

    Reply
  8. Been There

    Oh just too funny! Thanks for reminding me of the humor in the every day ordeals of life. The only thing you missed in describing your opportunity was the joy of putting the thing on in the first place! Thanks for getting my day off to a great start, laughing all the way.

    Reply
  9. Lorinda

    Thanks for the chuckle this morning. Love that you just “keep it real”- we can all relate!

    Reply
  10. Patty

    You were so funny this morning that I just had to write you. You do encourage us all with your honesty. I’m sure your outfit will come out looking smashing. I pray it does. Enjoy! You’re the sweet sister I wish I had.

    Reply
  11. April Newman

    Loved this! The unmentionables dept. fear, the hugging outfit, everything—so been there! Thanks for keeping it real!

    Reply
  12. Heather

    Lol I wish I didn’t know EXACTLY what you were talking about but many of us have lived this! Send “your person” (BFF) to buy what you need in three sizes then send hubby back to return the two you don’t need. (They won’t even look at sizes lets be honest the idea of spanx is a bit beyond their realm of understanding)!

    Reply
  13. Becky Brickman

    And this is why I love you Lysa!!!! You could always take a pair of scissors to your knockoff spanks. 🙂 Then order yourself a new pair on this fancy internet thing-a-ma-bopper. 😉 Did I mention I love you!?!?!

    Reply
  14. Beckey

    Oh my… I don’t know whether to laugh or hug you! Cut them! To just above the knee. Serious. Who’s ever gonna see them to know? That’s the easy solution. Or… having teenage girls can come in right handy in these situations! “Mommy needs you to run an errand for her…” If neither of these works for you – take a deep breath and say a prayer.

    Reply
  15. Richelle Stender

    Lysa, you are awesome and I love the laughs you provide to start my day. You are another one of the great gifts that God has placed in my life!! Anyway, do you know what is worse than buying those spanx?? Going to the bathroom in them!! Most of us have been where you are today…and understand what you are going through. But I am sure all the beauty that is inside of you will shine brighter than those darn baby bumps. (They never do go away do they?) 🙂

    Reply
  16. Kim Cordes

    Oh my, Lysa, you just made my day……so many of the same mental/emotional struggles I was having just minutes before I read your post. You see, I tried on my summer clothes yesterday and well, let’s just say someone is going to the store VERY soon. This has NEVER happened to me to this degree, discouraging, but not without hope. It is good to know we are all in this battle of life together. I know you, and you are strong because you depend on the Power of God and not yourself, so I don’t need to tell you what to do and I trust it will all turn out spectacularly for your appearance. You always look great to us :-). Praying for you!

    Reply
  17. Tammy Ratliff

    You could take a needle and thread (same color as your dress) and sew the slit down enough so that the “stuff” doesn’t show. My mother did that for me when I was younger and she thought a dress I was wearing had a little too much slit for a young girl. She sewed it from underneath and no one ever knew. I thank God every day for my Mom!!!

    Reply
  18. Beth

    You are one beautiful lady with a great heart for God, nothing can stop you!!! I feel the same way when I go to dress up things….so glad when they are over! Wait till you get to my age! Enjoy and just shine as you always do. Thank you so much for what you do for me everyday, it keeps me going on for God and waiting on the Rapture!!!! I will be praying for you!!!

    Reply
  19. Missy

    Oh Lysa!!! This made my morning. Made. My. Morning. I was laughing and cringing right along with you and nodding my head at about every other line. Yes and yes. Blue Light Special, indeed. So many therapists get miles out of that, I’m sure. I pray that your fancy shmancy event goes off without a hitch (or a pulled stitch!) and that the Duck Dynasty folks gush over your beautiful and strategically placed safety pin!

    Reply
  20. Nola

    Lysa – you are beautiful no matter what the outside looks like. We love you for who you are not what you look like even though you always look great. I agree with the others above, just cut them off or roll them up. Even the beauty pageant girls tape their boobs up with duck tape. Betcha didn’t know that! I just finished a 3 day fast and the scale was not my friend today. I feel ya pain! Wishing to the days of Renaissance period where us full figured girls were “it”! Enjoy the awards – the Duck Dynasty folks that Jeff said hi! He loves them.

    Reply
  21. Karen Anderson

    Thanks for the giggle! Cut the stuff or roll it up! Just remember confidence is your best accessory! Have a fabulous time!

    Reply
  22. Pam

    Lysa! You crack me up! Thank you for helping me start my Friday morning off with a good laugh! I am so sure you will figure something out and you will look as fabulous as you always do! Have fun and enjoy!

    Reply
  23. Michelle Hopkins

    We all know what’s in your heart 🙂 Good luck!

    Reply
  24. UZacharias

    You will look awesome, I’m sure. I’m having trouble believing you need Spanx, but we all have our insecurities. I’m sure if I were going, I’d be buying some too. (Check out Zulily – they just had Spanx on sale this week online!) So excited for you, that you get to meet the Duck Dynasty family! I pray for you every morning after I read my Made to Crave devotional, and I thank God that he has used you in such a might way for so many women, me included! I’m sure He’ll be using you in Nashville tomorrow too! Good luck!!

    Reply
  25. Tonya R

    oh my word! that was hilarious!! thank you for brightening my morning!! you are gonna do awesome!!! you probably dont even need the spanx!!

    Reply
  26. Becky Adrian

    Love your dilemma! I vote for coloring the unmentionable camo 🙂

    Reply
  27. Bonnie

    Lysa, so many of us have been there! My Spanx knockoffs are thick like winter wool! I bought them years ago, before Spanx was really available around here and they are so hot I don’t even bother. Why put on wool, so I can wear a cute skirt and still be a hot mess? 🙂 The goodness of your heart is more important than your spanx. <3 I love the idea of double sided tape. Or, send a friend to Target to get the mid-thigh length so you don't have to worry about your beautiful dress at all! Have a GREAT night- we all look forward to hearing about it later! 🙂 Blessings~

    Reply
  28. Leslie

    Thanks for the much needed laugh this morning!

    Reply
  29. Christine

    Can SO relate! Love how real you are! Thanks for making me feel ‘normal’ whatever that is! Thanks also for the laugh on a Friday morning!

    Reply
  30. Janell

    Oh sweet Lysa, I’m with Pam….you crack me up. I am LOL right here in my lazy boy. I’d give anything to switch places with you right now…YOU GET TO MEET THE DUCK DYNASTY!!!! As for the dress, I’d say, BUY another one that you can wear without those GOD-awful spanx (smile) and feel free to be…….

    You radiate wherever you are….so just go shine!!!!

    Reply
  31. Donna

    You will look beautiful – don’t sweat it!!! Have fun!!

    Reply
  32. Janee

    Thank you for sharing all of your “What happened to me’s” with us. I now have a list of ‘What not to do’s’ when public speaking. Thanks for preparing the next generation of speakers!!!! You’re the best Lysa…..

    Reply
  33. Marcella

    Lysa, you are so down so sown to earth and truthful. I too am comfortable in just t-shirts and jeans. I have no girls fashion sense. So when I have to dress up I too panic. I own one dress and a skirt. No dress shoes just tennis shoes and sandals or croxs. So last week I,went to a fancy dinner in my black skirt and beige top and brown sandals. No jewelry for this tomboy. Be yourself and who cares what the rest of the world thinks. Your giving sound beautiful advice and knowledge to people. Your heart is pure, that’s all that matters. And besides that, of all the people you meet, who going to remember what you were wearing on that day. Be your beautiful self, we love you and so does our Heavenly Father.

    Reply
  34. Shonna

    Lysa, this was hilarious to me! This started my weekend off with a smile. I was also thinking you deserve a skinny wrap for fighting with those spanx! They tighten tone and firm in 45 minutes and a lot less fight! 🙂

    Reply
  35. Donna

    Oh my goodness, tears are streaming down my face because I had a similar situation happen to me less than a month ago. Except mine was the dress was shorter than the knock-off Spanx! Needless to say I was MISERABLE! And no one could locate any scissors. My husband whips out his pocket knife and asked if that would work. I instantly started to cut said Spanx knock-off to make them shorter. All the while with husband leaned over with hands on knees dying of laughter at the spectacle that was unfolding before his very eyes!! When I proclaimed that was much, much better, I thought he was going to loose his breath from laughing so hard!! Lysa, if it comforts you at all, know that most of us have all had out moments of Spanx fiascos!!

    Reply
  36. Lindsey Burris

    Lysa,
    I love you!! And I love that I’m not the only person with quirky pet peeves about shopping and buying private things in a public place. I further love that I’m not the only slightly melodramatic person when recounting the events of living out my shopping pet peeves. You truly just made my whole morning, and I laughed out loud…literally.

    I like the idea to decorate your Spanx knockoff with camouflage. It would be too perfect, and I’m sure that they would love it! Although you might have to go get a slip that’s longer to decorate; just a peek of camouflage in the split would not be nearly enough to call it a redneck fashion statement. Do you have a shotgun you could carry with you? That would really tie it all together…oh! or one of their duck calls!! (Please know that I say that without the first bit of sacrasm because I love you and I love them!) Whatever you decide to do with your dress and Spanx; try to put it out of your mind and just enjoy yourself. 🙂

    Reply
  37. Kelley

    Loved this post…made me chuckle. I can totally see myself in this.
    I like the idea of the cammo…but you will be brilliant and God loves you EXACTLY the way you are. Have fun, SPANX or not!

    Reply
  38. Barbara

    Lysa, what is SPANX? Stop, worrying, you will be beautiful whatever you wear because God made you….Have fun!

    Reply
  39. Leah

    Happy, Happy, Happy 😉

    Reply
  40. Jennifer

    Oh my goodness!! I also laughed out loud, literally so then had to tell my son what I was laughing about. He said just wear some camo gear! There you go- problem solved by a 10 year old boy!

    Thank you for your honesty! It is good to hear just how “normal” I am! Have so much fun at the awards! I am excited to listen on KLOVE! Thank you and God Bless!

    Reply
  41. Margarita

    When I need “SPANX” I order from Avon online. This way I tell myself, “No one knows what I’m buying”. Have a great day.

    Reply
  42. Britany

    One word: Nordstrom. They sell that stuff up with all the dresses and stuff and will select it for you and very quietly and professionally check you out, usually at some register hidden behind a bunch of clothes. At least, that’s been my experience.

    Reply
  43. Linda

    I had a similar situation back in March when I went to a wedding. You really made me laugh! Besides the fact that yes, spanx and their knock offs come in different lengths and styles they are not cheap so therefore I for one try to make due with what I have. How about rolling the one leg? 😉 That might work. Have a great time at the awards.

    Reply
  44. Pam Needham

    How well I understand! I purchased my first and only pair of real Spanx for my daughter’s wedding four years ago. After sweating sweet onions as you said, I was finally able to pull those things up over my body. I could barely breathe! I doublechecked to make sure that I had picked up the right size! According to the package, this was my size! My word! This fiasco had looked like someone juggling a pig into a toe sack or actually a pair of nylons! Needless to say, these were purchased to be worn under my mother of the bride long dress ON THE BEACH four years ago today! After lsughing with my mother while I begged her help to get this contraption off of me, I vowed never to put it on again! What a waste of some serious cash! All for worrying about how I appeared to others! Then I remembered one very important fact: Those that care only about my appearance really don’t matter and those that matter really won’t care. As long as the Lord is happy, everything else should fall into place. Gotta love those DD guys! Do you think they asked Hollywood’s approval for their attire? Go, Lisa! You would be beautiful wearing camo! 😉 Love you, sweet sister! Enjoy that spotlight! You deserve it! 🙂

    Reply
  45. Tara

    Thanks for the giggle! This is why I don’t own any Spanx or the knock-offs. I still wear pantyhose… the good silky support ones that have tummy and thigh control. They help smooth the cellulite in one continuously smooth line.
    Have fun and like others have said, you are beautifully made by our loving Father, embrace it!

    Reply
  46. Sandy

    Thanks for helping me start my Friday with a smile. Love your column. Good luck with your awards night and your attire!

    Reply
  47. Morag Fisher

    This made me laugh – thank you!!! This is why we all love you Lysa, we can sooo relate to you! Look forward to seeing some photos of you looking your beautiful self. Enjoy yourself xx

    Reply
  48. Mindy

    One more reason I adore you! 🙂 You “keep it real!”

    Reply
  49. Velvet

    Oh my, I just love you! You are so REAL. Thanks for the laugh today!

    Reply
  50. Julie W

    Could you have the split sewn a little further down? I know I am not talented enough to do it but was hoping maybe you could find a close alterations of dry cleaner place who could do it quickly for you. Good luck!!! Sending lots of love!

    Reply
  51. Allison

    Oh Bless!! It’s comforting to know that we all deal with the same issues womanhood brings our way. However, I’m sure you will look great. There are those of us who wear spanx so that we don’t look like a Polish sausage in our clothes & then there are those of you who use them to smooth out things. I definitely think you would fall under the second scenario. Regardless of how you decide to pin it or camouflage it, I’m sure you will look great!

    Reply
  52. @DebiJHolliday

    Lysa my lovely……may I offer a solution? Every hotel has emergency sewing kits that you can uses to whip stitch your slit! Fear not – every female in the audience will shout AMEN! and share your anxious moment of reveal on stage – your smile is brighter and your spirit bigger than ANY bump or slit 😉 As a flight attendant I wear my Target “Assets” proudly since I often offer the “rear view” of the cart service:-)

    Looking forward to the follow-up story – and how about a photo?

    Reply
    • lovelylinda

      I agree with debi! would love a photo! and i’d give anything to be going to the klove fan awards! have a blast 🙂

      Reply
      • @DebiJHolliday

        Been thinking about this all day! Cannot wait to hear & SEE how everything went:-)

        Reply
  53. Terri

    Lysa thank you so much for filling my Friday with Joy…maybe you can pull them above the knee and pray they don’t fall…I’m a Lucy, so that is what I would do. Of course just as things happen to her, they happen to me…either way have fun and know that you have influenced the lives of many women, including those who have attended the bible study I have facilitated….What Happens When Women Say Yes to God….The women of our church are hungry and eager for the next one.

    Reply
  54. Tonja G

    Laugh-Out-Loud!!! I’m not laughing at you sweet girl…but because I’ve been there too! My solution to the too long spanx would be a pair of scissors….snip-snip-snip to get them at the desired length. Have fun this weekend 🙂

    Reply
  55. Char

    Funniest thing I’ve read in awhile … and oh so true.
    Thanks for making me smile, Lysa. Happy Friday, spanx and all.

    Reply
  56. Christine Marie

    So needed to lighten the load this morning and your humor did just that! If it were me I would scratch the dress and wear a nice white suit. I hate the way those things feel!

    Reply
  57. Leigh

    HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lysa, you always make me smile. Sorry I can’t help, but thanks for the random belly laugh while I’m sitting here at my desk 🙂

    Reply
  58. Julie

    I’m reading this in my way to the beach with my Target Spanxx swimsuits tucked in my suitcase 🙂 Laughed until there were tears running down my cheeks. Thanks for starting vacation out on a high note 🙂 Have a great time at the K-Love event!

    Reply
  59. Ginny B

    Oh Lysa! I love ya girl! Thanks for always being real with us!

    Reply
  60. Lisa K

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for being so genuine! So refreshing for someone who is in the limelight to be so honest! Just love you!

    Reply
  61. Liesl

    Lysa, this post was too funny ! Thanks for sharing. I can totally relate to your woes!! Have a blast at the KLOVE awards !! : )

    Reply
  62. Kristen

    Lysa, this was such a funny post! I know you may not feel it’s funny at the moment and truthfully if it were me I would probably be having a total meltdown…but the fact that you are so genuine and transparent to us is so REFRESHING! I can so relate. I know it will all work out and that you will look great! I think God knew you needed to lighten alot of reader’s Friday mood! 🙂

    Reply
  63. beth

    These are the type of “life events” that make me love reading your blogs & posts so much, Lysa. Thanks for being real. 🙂

    Reply
  64. Debra

    Lysa,
    You have blessed so many women today with your willingness to be transparent. We all need to know that those we follow and admire are battling the same real life issues as we do. I know you will be beautiful at the event because Jesus is who you reflect. When Jesus shines so brightly from a person the clothes matter so little 🙂
    Thanks for putting a smile in my day. I also think you need a follow up post after the event, with pictures!

    Reply
  65. Colleen Gudge

    Thanks for the laugh! In the mist of my heart break, you helped me! Although I don’t think that was your intention. Back to cellulite, there are more people with it & Anerica seems to be the only ones that naked a big deal about it. With that said, go to a high end department store (like Nordstrom) & purchase a high end pair of pantyhose that sucks it all in, from waist to toes. It will cost but you’ll be able to breathe. I have no doubts you will not only look great but will be awesome in presenting because we’re all praying for you! Have fun tonight.

    Reply
  66. Mary Lou Kleveland

    You can tell a story like no one else, sweet Lysa! I love your transparency. Thanks for sharing what we ALL can relate to. I don’t have a solution for you but I am certain about one thing: You will be fabulous on stage because you SHINE for Jesus….in the end that’s all that really matters. Aren’t you glad we won’t be dealing with cellulite and need SPANX in heaven?!

    Reply
  67. Lynda

    Lysa, thanks for sharing this story with us! I love reading your blogs. You are so open & honest. I really needed this humor today after the week I’ve had. I know you will look beautiful no matter what you wear.

    Reply
  68. anne

    LOL!! They sell Spanx on QVC and its shipped right to your house in a generic package so you don’t have to sweat like sweet onions in your Target!

    Reply
  69. Nancy L.

    On sweet, Lysa – I just love you. Wish I was closer – I’d stitch up that slit for you just enough so it covers your SPANX.

    Reply
  70. Sam D

    Morning! You have just made my day Lysa! I laughed so darn hard reading this. Am so glad you are as normal and down to earth as you are! Absolutely refreshing blog! Still laughing…. bwahahahahaha…thanks for being genuine! Have a good time at the Klove awards! God bless you!

    Reply
  71. teepee

    OK, Lysa…we all understand your “suffering for Jesus” problem! And, girl, can we relate! Thank you for sharing your heart with us…every post is so close to our reality that we share your thoughts. Have a blast tonight, Spanx and all! Oh, and those Dunck Dynasty rednecks are my favs! I think they are as real as you are, so you’ll have fun.

    Reply
  72. Debra

    You will look awesome, you are a beautiful woman. Please post a photo in the near future.
    Bless You Lysa,

    Reply
  73. Susan

    Thank you so much for the story this am, it brought a smile & some laughs to my morning that up to this point had been filled with tears & fears…….bless you!!

    Reply
  74. Jona

    I just had to let you know how much I appreciated your P31 Devotion yesterday “Comparisons Stink”. On the way to work this morning, I saw two ladies walking and my eyes went directly to their beautiful lean legs. I am a small person naturally. I exercise regularly and watch what I eat, but I too have less than perfect legs. Now that short season is here, I have really been struggling. After seeing the ladies this morning, I was praying about why I couldn’t have prettier legs. So when I read your devotion I knew what God’s answer was!

    Reply
  75. Erin

    Thank YOU for the BEST laugh! I can totally imagine what you are feeling.
    Lysa, you are BEAUTIFUL, and I’m sure the Spanx situation will work out just fine!
    You are a blessing to so many, and our Father delights in YOU!
    xo

    Reply
  76. Amy

    Oh Lysa –
    That was so funny! I wish I could have been with you shopping, but we would have probably been kicked out for all the giggling.

    Have fun at the awards. Can’t wait to hear about your experience!

    Reply
  77. Alisa Jenkins

    Oh my by far one of the funniest and relatable posts ever!!! I love the devotions on Proverbs 31 and also get Lysa’s devotions. I am sitting at my desk just giggling! it totaly made my friday!

    Reply
  78. Loretta

    I think we all worry too much about what others think. Our culture wants us all to look like paper dolls and we’re real women! I get frustrated with trying to worry about my weight, clothes fitting perfect, spanx, etc. I think maybe it’s time to be more real???
    Just sayin…

    Reply
  79. AmySue

    I drive 90 miles a week to attend a bible study that you have done for us ladies. It is worth the drive every week. It was an honor to meet you in Kansas. Thank you for sharing your time

    Reply
  80. Sherri Herron

    Thanks for the laughs today, Lysa. Good luck with your dress snafu!

    Reply
  81. Bridget

    Lysa, you are funny! You are a beautiful woman (inside and out!). You will look wonderful in whatever you wear, slit or no slit!

    Reply
  82. Lisa

    Thank you so much Lysa!
    I’ve been “fretting” over a similar situation. In just a few more weeks, (5 to be exact) I have to be dressed up, and look perfect! I am the mother of the groom! Oh dear, how I have searched for just the right dress, that conceals my gramma tummy! LOL! I want something modest, but not matronly, cute, but not something a teenager would wear. And good heavens, why pray tell, is everything sleeveless?!! I know all eyes should and will be on my gorgeous soon to be daughter in law, I want represent my son well. Hubby has it easy…he just rents a tux!

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  83. Michelle

    This is hilarious! You are braver than me! I wouldn’t (*will not) even own up to wearing said unmentionables! You are going to look amazing no matter what, enjoy every minute of it!

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  84. Robin

    Lysa, thanks so much! I needed the laugh! I love how honest and open you are! I’ve had a bad day….actually 2 months, and I wanted to have a good cry, but just don’t really have the energy right now. It made me feel better to laugh with you and to rejoice with you that you are going to the KLOVE awards show. I’ve been hearing them talk about it for a month or so. Have a blast! Hey, you could wear your WHITE country club shoes and bone colored hose and maybe they wouldn’t notice the spanx or the safety pin…oh, never mind…it’s after Memorial Day so it’s okay to wear white shoes now…

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  85. Beth

    Girl. You crack me up. And I needed a good giggle today.
    😀

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  86. Marcia Polischuck

    Hi, Lysa

    I totally agree with the “pair of scissors” approach. Your sense of humor is refreshing, as always. But Girl, the beautiful face that God has gifted you with is what most people will be looking at – and what’s more, He has graced you as a “wordsmith” and what you say from your heart will bless the heart of that recipient. And we all know, it won’t be a “Janet Jackson moment!” Relax!!!

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  87. Sudi

    I really don’t think the duck dynasty people would mind at all!!! Just throw the spanks in the trash and go girl!!!!

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  88. Linda Leighton

    Lysa…all I can say is “bless your heart”. 🙂 Oh, and I hope and pray you win! <3

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  89. Jessie L.

    How humbling it is to know we all share the same insecurities and anxieties! God bless you Lysa! I’m sure you’ll figure it all out just in time and will look fabulous.

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  90. Chris Carter

    Could you be ANY CUTER????!!!!! And I thought I completely and TOTALLY adored you already… and you go and share THIS!!! Oh how I want so badly to be your BFF. Please OH please!!!??? 😉
    You are so beautiful tho- I can’t even imagine why you would even need that spanx anyway! What- did you get a size 0 dress or somethin’? Large- always get large! Makes me feel skinny every. single. time. lol

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  91. Latrelle

    You are so funny !!! And make me feel so totally normal—cause even you have funny spanx moments. My discovery of spanx was funny too, Bless your heart–you’re wonderful !! All the comments were so good-I’m glad you wrote about it

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  92. rebecca

    Lysa, I am 34, have a dear husband and 3 spirited children. We are currently serving overseas in the mission field. AND I am an emotional/compulsive eater. I have struggled with it for most of my life but am really good at managing it… really good. I am not overweight but I am so tired of the shame, defeat, disgust and guilt. I was made for more and I desire freedom. Success has come in seasons but I don’t want just success I want freedom! I am currently reading your book, Made to Crave, for the second time. I have started my healthy eating plan once again but I declare that this time it is different…. no more excuses. I do not have much community with peers in country which is difficult however, God has resourced me in creative ways. One being you and your book. You are my person who has gone before me. Thank you for that! When I feel the need to talk with a friend, I pick up your book and read and reread as if we are having coffee and you are giving me a pep talk. I appreciate you and your vulnerability. I am grateful for your hard work in getting your story in the hands of women like me.

    Reply
  93. Renee

    You are so funny to me 🙂 It is amazing what we put ourselves through because of others. Spanx are a part of life these days. Just know every other women in the room will most likely have on one.

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  94. Faith

    Oh Lisa! I laughed out loud reading your candid outfit critique. I laughed because I can relate all too well – to all of it! Thank you for saying what the rest of us feel and we the rest of us think we need to hide because no one else could possibly be just like us…xoxo! Bless you!

    Reply
  95. Laurel Gunter

    Hi Lysa
    Just wanted to stop by and say what an inspiration you are to me. This is off subject of your blog but I just feel lead to get in touch with you somehow. I am a 27 year old Kindergarten Teacher , wife and mother of a 15 month old… I have always been the girl to struggle with my weight. I have tried every diet plan and diet pill known to man. I always say the first question I am going to ask God when I get to heaven is why couldn’t I be skinny. Through I life time of ups and downs with my weight it wasn’t until I read your book Made to Crave that that all changed. In January of this year I had had enough of being over weight. I hated myself and it was effecting my marriage. I had it in my mind I was going to finally do something about it. I didn’t want my daughter to see me struggle and think too one day that the number on the scale defined her. So, I began the program “run for god” and began reading your book my best friend suggested I read it. I totally believe that God inspired you to write that book just for me. Once I started reading it I begin to cry I cried through the whole book because every word you wrote was talking straight to me. Through this book and running I have lost 25 pounds since January. 61 pounds since the birth of my child. Now mind you people can walk faster than I can run but a quote from the bible study was “I had to run my own race” and that’s exactly what I have done. I was always one of those people that said they could never run it was just to hard! Running the track has brought me so close to God because I totally depend on him to get me around it. Then I became convicted as to why I couldn’t have that totally dependence on him in my everyday life so that’s what I am working on now. I have started back reading Made to Crave for the 2nd time because I feel more accountable when I read it. I begin writing statues on my Facebook how much you have inspired me and quoting some pieces from your book ( giving you all the credit) and people began to ask me questions how I was losing weight. My answer was always I have made this a spiritual journey instead of weight loss journey and Lysa TerKeurst has been my inspiration through this whole thing. I felt led by God to continue to keep writing these statuses and in the past week God has used this as my testimony and somewhat ministry. Ive had about 6 different women tell me what an inspiration I am and they bought your book as well!!!!! Today I received a gift from one of the ladies she told me I had inspired her so much and was such a motivation that she bought me your 60 day Made to Crave devotional!!! I didn’t even know that existed!!!! I have been tickled all day over it. I know I may never hear from you but I just wanted to you know what an inspiration you are in my life!! Keep working for God!!
    Love in Christ
    Laurel Gunter (Alabama)

    Reply
  96. Paula

    Your story is hilarious. I love your transparency and honesty. Thank you for blessing women everywhere! I wanted to share a “spanx” story my daughter just had. She was shopping with my 4-year-old grandson — here is the story. “Funniest thing Peyton did today!!! He came into a fitting room with me while I was trying on clothes. I put on a dress and mumbled: “Hmm it’s cute but I need Spanx.” Peyton looked really serious for a moment and said: “Okay mom.” Then proceeded to reach over and tap me on the butt a few times. He said: “It was just a tap not a spank because you’re a good girl.” I nearly died laughing!” Lysa, thanks again for your ministry. Have a blessed day!

    Reply
    • Kay

      Hilarious! Thanks for sharing that!

      Reply
  97. Jacline Carter

    I’ve read, and re-read this post several times, as I often do your posts. I love your tell-it-like-it-is spirit. Thank you so much for your ministry.

    Reply
  98. Kay

    Sweetie, put on your big girl panties and go to a less crowded store (I’m thinking such an auspicious occasion is even worthy of a department store lingerie department, which never has nary a woman in it) and go buy you the appropriate undergarment! I’ll be praying for you to be strong and courageous. You, too, can outgrow this fear!

    Reply
  99. Casey Bachus

    I love the honesty! It depletes the purpose of being embarrased about it though 😉 I say if you can write about it, you can laugh about it! The more embarrasing stuff you do, the more great stories you have to tell later, so just act like nothing’s wrong and then laugh about it later!

    Reply
  100. Abby

    #NoteToSelf Never browse Lysa’s blogs while at work, am pretty sure my colleagues thought I was crazy because I was laughing all by myself!

    Hehe, loved this post. God bless you, sister!

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  101. Corey

    Lysa seriously you crack me up! I would be the one sayin heck with it I’m going with jeans and a dressy top…knowing me tennis shoes would be included due to the fact anything more then a flip flop flat I would be in the next ambulance with a broken neck 🙂

    Reply
  102. Lori

    I totally understand the concept of trying to discreetly purchase “unmentionables” at Target. I was holding one that I was about to purchase and I was consumed with scoping out a line with a female cashier, when I was greeted with “Hi Lori!, what are you up to today?”. My response? ” Uh, Hi Pastor Mike, not much”. Maybe the first available cashier, male or female would not have been so bad afterall!

    Reply
  103. Lawrie

    Ha! Made me laugh and HOW AWESOME that you get meet the Duck Dynasty people. They are pretty cool and believe me your slit and pin wouldn’t show next to their outfits onstage. Well unless its their wives who are pretty with it in regards to fashion.
    Lawrie

    Reply
  104. Sarah k Pannell

    Funny stuff ! I am interested in the mentoring writers possibilities. Surrounded by boyz u better learn to use five words, well.

    Reply
  105. Valarie Weinhaus

    Oh, Lisa, I can SO hear your voice on EVERY word of that post! LOL It was just like you were right HERE reading it to me!

    ROFL – thanks for the grins!

    😀

    Reply
  106. cheriv

    Oh how I feel for you here! I had my first “spankx episode” at my youngest daughters wedding. It was outdoors,4pm Sunny California in July…..I felt they were working and actually everything was alright. My feet were my biggest concern since at my first daughters wedding I left with huge blisters.Well, the pictures are back and a big one of me on FB shows a smiling mom fanning herself with a cute decorative fan, sitting all nice and ladylike with her spanks peaking out! Just keep smiling…..

    Reply
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