I looked at the text message in complete disbelief. Why couldn’t this person see how insensitive and hurtful she was being?
I don’t know who made up the saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Either they had nerves of steel, or they lived on a deserted island with no other people. Because not only do words hurt me but they make me want to fight back and be mean, too.
Have you ever had a little situation with someone where you just knew you were right and they were wrong? Or at least you could make a really good case for your side of things?
Oh how I have this burning need to state my case in these kinds of situations. It’s like an inner attorney rises up desperate to defend my rights and get the other person to see things my way. This is pretty normal, right?
Yes. But normal doesn’t always mean good. Especially in light of Colossians 2:6-7, “So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.”
I should live rooted in Jesus’ teaching and overflow with thankfulness. The opposite of this is when I’m rooted in self-centered opinions and overflowing with grumbling. I need to let God show me how to see things from this other person’s side and gain a different perspective. In doing so, I will be strengthened and taught.
Colossians 3:12-14 reminds me, “… as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity” (NIV).
My job isn’t to fix this person or make them see my side of things. My job is to obey God by offering an extension of the forgiveness I’ve been given. But I can also stay healthy in this situation by remembering forgiveness doesn’t mean giving this person access in my life that sets me up for destructive patterns.
Finally, Colossians 3:17 reminds me, “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him” (NIV).
Everything I do and say tells a story of whom I serve. If I act out of anger and spite, I give in to the ways of the enemy, spreading his darkness. If I honor the Lord with my actions, I serve to further the Name of Jesus and spread His light.
At the end of the day, honoring God leads to good things. Anything else leads to confusion, emotional exhaustion and a lack of good things.
I know this isn’t easy stuff. I’m having to live it in the midst of feeling hurt. But I’m also feeling more at peace being able to see another perspective — a healthier perspective — a Biblical perspective. And I’m really excited about the blessings that are surely coming my way.
Dear Lord, You know the hurtful words and actions that have come my way. Please give me Your strength to not retaliate, but instead to react based on Your Truth. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Gain a deep sense of calm by responding to situations out of your control without acting out of control with my book Unglued. You can get your copy here.
Today I’m giving away 5 copies of Unglued! Leave a comment below telling me one way you’ll choose to take the high road this week.
Dear Lysa,
Our True GOD who art in HEAVEN, would frown on name calling!! Our True GOD who art in HEAVEN LOVES Ye All Everyone Forever through HIS SON YESHUA-JESUS CHRIST!!
YESHUA-JESUS CHRIST gave us this new COMMANDMENT – We are to LOVE one another!!
Our True GOD said: :”Thou shalt have NO other gods before ME” ( Exodus 20:3 KJV )!!
Please PRAY for our JUDEO-CHRISTIAN NATION UNITED STATES OF AMERICA AND ISRAEL-YISRAEL EVERYDAY EVERYONE!!
Am Yisrael Chai, Yeshua Adonai FOREVERMORE!! Happy Shavua Tov Everyone!! SHALOM ( PEACE ) ALWAYS EVERYONE!!
Love Always and Shalom Everyone, YSIC \o/
Kristi Ann
When someone is unkind, instead of instantly replying or letting it make me angry, I instantly pray for that person. For their mind to be washed with the the Holy Spirit. I also pray that God will give me the right words to say to that person or the wisdom to hold my tongue.
I am a divorced/remarried mother of two beautiful girls whom I share custody of with my ex husband and his wife. She says horrible things about me and tells lies about me and has for the 13 yrs she has been in our lives. I always try to tell my side of her lies and get angry and want to retaliate. This week I will choose to keep quiet, take a deep breath, and pray blessings over she and my ex instead.
Amen
I will pray for you as I am going through the same thing.
Dawn
Carrie,
I was a divorced mom of three for over twenty years. I had a similar situation with my ex husbands wife for many years. Now, my kids are grown and I have beautiful grandchildren. The wife of my ex divorced him and the step kids are in my children’s lives. All I could think of when I read your words today was please take the high road. I had always tried to be kind, prayed, and did take the high road. It amazes me how meanness grows and continues to infiltrate a family for generations to come. My oldest daughter told me yesterday, I was an example of peace. That she learned forgiveness because of me. I still have hurt, and struggle at times with the past. But I thank God for my life and kids. I wasn’t perfect and have had to own those times, as well. Those days are behind me, and I remind myself daily that I think we fear there is not enough love to heal the world. God heals all! I will say a prayer for you to have stength and peace of mind!
May God Bless you!
This is a blessing to read. Thank you for sharing it. I admire your heart.
Good day,
When I Want to Be Mean has touched my life in a special way. It came as an answer to my prayer to God. Just yesterday my prayer was ” Lord, help me not to allow my emotions to take this text the wrong way but since you are God and you see the hearts, help me to see it as this person has meant it to be. May I not be offended by this text but may I be filled with your peace”.
Every single word from this blog is ministering to me. I thank God for you. May you be blessed beyond measure. I also love what your husband said to you. It’s a choice. I choose to shine for Jesus Christ today. I choose that through my deeds, the God that I serve is known.
Thanks again. I am so blessed you have no idea. God bless you.
I needed desperately to read this at this very moment. I will choose to take the high road and be a light for His love. I will no longer allow myself to fall face first into the pit of anger and retaliation. Thank you for sharing your wisdom!
I will take the high road by praying for those who hurt me this week.
I’m really struggling after a divorce and a violent marriage to get on my feet and make ends meet to provide for my 2 young sons. Their Dad hasn’t seen them or tried to in 18 months, he may call once a month and doesn’t provide child support that was ordered. I really have a hard time holding my tongue when the boys are hurting because he has chosen to be unkind , but will take the higher road and know that we will be happier eventually once this bumpy road smooths out and pray that he finds his way.
I will take the high road this week by “taking every thought captive for Christ” I had something very hurtful happen and my thoughts keep running it over and over in my mind and make me want to lash out or gossip. I feel this takes my focus of Godly thoughts and wastes my time on negative thoughts. My prayer is to honor God in how I act but also how I think.
Hi Lysa,
We have to be so careful with our words when our emotions are running high. I have a letter to right for the court where it is so important to present fact & truth, refraining from speaking from emotions but presenting a case that respects the other sides perspective. Each rewriting of the letter I prayerfully give my words to the Lord so that they are honourable. I pray for peace & strength in my presenting.
Thank you Lysa for your words of encouragement,
Blessings,
Ruth
I count on God’s wisdom to hold my tongue.
I have been very hurt lately by my teenage son. This week I will ask God to rather change my heart, everytime I think about how I want my son to change his attitude.
Lisa, this talk was much needed. I’ve been working on my feeling towards my daughter-in-law. She is very opinionated & used to having her way. I want to love her with all my heart, & not take her abrupt comments so personally. She has a big family. & they do things much of the time. I knew it would be differant having sons, & that girls are close to their moms. I guess I didn’t plan on being so left out. They have 3 beautiful daughters that I am thrilled about. Finally got girls & all the frillies. My own mom passed 7 yrs ago & so miss her fellowship. I’d planned on having a daughter-in-law to be able to enjoy some girl times. Pray that I can give this all over to God, & have peace & have good feelings for her. Pray that my thoughts will be captive & for me to be a blessing & pray for her more. Thanks for your ministry.
This devotion was confirmation that as others are mean and or negative towards me that I am required to love them and show them love in spite of my feelings. So before I respond I plan to take a deep breathe and share God’s love.
Thank you Lysa
I needed this reminder … Choose to do Jesus way. Live rooted in Him.
I am so related .. My inner attorney rises up to defend my rights and get the other person to understand make sure
I am right! getting my way to win .. ha
So true that honoring God leads to peace ,
Love and right path.
Love and blessings
I just love that expression “my inner attorney rises up to defend my rights,” etc. I will borrow it if you don’t mind. (for myself and other family members-in a joking way of course. lol )
Thanks for that great idea..-very good.
Taking the high road for God. Not letting Satan win. Being able to focus on what is really important is priceless.
Thanks for the timely admonition. I am sitting here, awake, at 2:30am because of a hurtful interaction that occured today. I usually feel that God wants me to keep short accounts and discuss the hurts rather than stew on them. Maybe your post is a timely Word suggesting that I should wait and pray more about this specific hurt. Thanks for giving me something to think and pray about.
dear lysa,
Today and this week with a lot of turmoil and voiced opinions at my work. I am choosing to. Take the high road and listen to everyone and not comment but to just process what they are saying . Because usually when I voice my opinion I’m very emotional about it and I most usually don’t agree with the other person. This not agreeing cause drama which I don’t need in my life.
I would be honored to get a copy mine got badly damaged in my car fire in April have an awesome week
Good morning, Lisa,
As I sat here reading my morning devotional, dreading a negative situation at work, I happened to click on an email from you. My work life as a nurse leader iin the care of seniors is challenging normally, but today with a big change in administration, I am in need of prayer that I will be able to not come unglued and act trust God to guide my steps and behavior. I need to remain calm and positive even when others are not.
Please keep me in your prayers.
Thank you, and may God keep blessing you and your ministry.
Gwen
I needed this! I just had an issue yesterday that the words of another person hurt me deeply. I choose to love. I only wish I could have had that attitude and response immediately. Instead I let it ruin my day and steal my joy for most of the day. Thank you for your ministry. God bless.
Lysa,
Thank you for sharing… I really needed this as I had an altercation with my sister this past Saturday that upset both of my parents as well as my two children and my niece.
Saturday, my younger sister who always talks hateful to everyone, spoke very angrily to my seven year old son. I was across the yard using the weed-eater trying to help my father get caught up on some yard work as he has recently been ill. As I saw and heard how hateful she spoke to my son, who is very tender hearted, I immediately went towards her an let her have it! I acted so fast that the two of us were near not only verbal, but physical fighting.
My mother stood close by and began crying- asking me to stop! Which made me more angry because she witnessed the entire situation, so I felt like she should know “I was right.” However, as she began to cry, she looked at me, not at my sister, and my mother stated, “you’re supposed to be a Christian.”
My response and justification was “yes, BUT, I am also human and I’m tired of the way she speaks to us and it stops today.” I walked away and have not spoken to my sister since!
As I lay here reading these passages I am so convicted knowing that I am a Christian and I should have reacted differently. My sister isn’t a Christian and the way I handled the situation was her way- not God’s way.
I allowed the advisary to dictate the way I was going to “handle her” because of the hurt I was feeling for my child.
This week, I will take the high road by going to my sister and asking for forgiveness.
While I felt like at the time I was right, I now see why my mother made the comment to me “you’re a Christian.” . Therefore, I should have been the one who acted differently. “Ephesians 4:31-32 KJVS
[31] Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: [32] And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”
This should have been the way I spoke to her; however, it wasn’t. So my high way this week will be in trying to repair by asking for forgiveness.
Thank you for allowing God to continually use you to encourage me & others. God Bless you!
Karen, your story has broken my heart this morning. I am so encouraged by your willingness to make the first move in the right direction. I am praying for strength for you in this situation.
We (the grandparents) have been guardians to our 3 grandsons for 8 yrs (now 15, 14, 11yrs). Lately, I’ve been frustrated observing their divorced parents “doing their own thing” rather than putting their boys first. Today, I chose to be thankful that the boys feel secure and loved in my home.
I am working for a very difficult person and although I don’t feel they deserve blessings I pray blessings over them, maybe they will be blessed with a promotion so I don’t have to work for them :). I need to continue working as if unto the Lord and keep His perspective in this situation.
I will not give into gossip.
Reading this was like reading a story about my week last week. Have had too many hurtful mean messages from another mum in my town. I’ve by the grace of God been able to respond with love. But the struggle has been protecting my heart from creating any bitterness towards this person. the only way I’ve been able to protect my heart was to go into worship through worship I’ve been able to pray over this person and their family.
You will never know how the message in this post was needed by me today. I have a very very trying day and evening ahead and was not sure how I could get through. Your words have encouraged me and given me exactly what I need. God’s message through your words have given me resolve and strength. Thank you so much.
I will choose to take the high road this week by not discussing with others how I’m now not going to retaliate with a very spiteful family member who is trying to drive a wedge in my marriage. I don’t want to go from angry at her to boasting about me. Quietly wait for the blessing in humble anticipation . . . passing the time while reading “Unglued” of course!!
I will choose to take the high road because I know I will get further down the path God wants me to take. If I choose the other way, it will just bring me down a very destructive path.
I would love to have this book of yours. I have been looking at it for awhile now. I just can’t make myself spend more money to by another book.
Thanks to one of your online Bible studies I’m doing a better job of ‘Keep It Shut’. I still struggle with this but am more aware. In addition running to the Lord to discuss first instead of straight to a friend.
I’ve experienced some pain this week from hearing words about my work, “It’s really not that good.” Inside, I was screaming, “Then why didn’t YOU do it?” This week I am going to pray for a way to shower her with blessings and, if it’s not me, that God will somehow give her blessings this week.
I am currently wrapping up the end of the school year and my stress level is at its peak. The school year is longer due to excessive snow days and we are all done; teachers and students. Before yaking the high road, I am going to pause, look at the students and remember how precious they are and how God has placed them in my care during the school year to demonstrate His love; after all I may be the only person in their lives that is a follower of Jesus Christ.
So much of what I write in my journal is all that self-righteous anger that I’ve learned to spew privately rather than open my mouth and regret it later! Part of that came after reading “Unglued”. Would love to read it again!
Thank you, I needed this first thing in this morning. My hubby unintentionally said something that hurt me, and I was laying in bed thinking of all the different ways I could respond.
Hi Lisa, one of the most emotional damaging and hurtful experiences in my life has been through words, spoken to me. Degrading, ugly, & mean words destroy my self-esteem and has been very painful. It took me many years to overcome, and only with God’s Infinite grace and help was I able to do it. I had to deal with fears, anxieties, anger, depression, grudges, insecurities, lack of self-value etc., but today I can say and testify that I am free from all that. Thanking God everyday and holding on to his promises.
Nereida
God’s thoughts, God’s words, God’s actions….my prayer when I’m hurt by others and want to lash out.
This message came at a time I needed reminding but also provided scripture references that will help me be a better supporter for a friend struggling with forgiving another! Thank you Lysa for your service to God and your constant encouragement.
I’m trying to take the “high road”, when I become frustrated with a person in my life, by controlling my tongue. I just began a Bible study on the fruits of the spirit. It couldn’t have come at a better time. God’s perfect timing is amazing!
i need to take the high road when dealing with some family members, they like to remind me of all my faults, i need to forgive them and carry on. yes, i know what the past included but i have changed through God’s help. plus dear Christian friends
i would love to understand more about myself and how to be grounded and content where i am at this time in my life.
How this message resonated with me and were words that I needed to hear. I love how God knows exactly what we need in our lives at just the right moment. This is a bone of contention in my marriage. I can’t stand to be wrong (especially when I KNOW I am right, tee hee 😉 Unfortunately, my husband is very strong willed and KNOWS he is right as well. Today I will choose to validate his opinions and not let this be something that is a wedge in our marriage. Thank you for your encouraging words. God Bless
I have marveled at how similar the devotions are to a Beth Moore study I’m also doing right now, especially Tuesday’s as we have her class on Monday evenings. It’s really incredible how they seem to go together, we’ve said you must be doing the same study there now!
Any way, I just need to keep my mouth shut so many times when I really feel the need to defend myself, I’m surely old enough to have had it happen many times – you’d think I would know better by now! I would love your book as I have felt unglued lately – too high expectations of an anniversary, Mother’s Day, and a birthday right here all together.
As always, God’s word comes with perfect timing. I so very much needed this lesson this morning! Thank you for bringing the word!
Lysa,
I found this article to be so appropriate and accurate in my life as well, thanks for so boldly speaking and being a blessing!!!
I have already taken the high road this work week by choosing to obey God. My verse of the day yesterday was Proverbs 13:3 and yesterday was the monthly staff meeting. A meeting where I experience emotions of anxiety due to one of the other staff members words and actions that are often displayed on the call. I knew as soon as I read my verse of the day, because I had prayed for God’s control of the meeting, He was telling me what he expected of me. So I had to carefully weigh the many opportunities to provide my opinion on the call to the instructions of this vers as hard as it was at times. I will focus on letting go and letting God by choosing to obey him this week as my step. I pray he gives all of us supernutural strength to obey. I know it takes just that for me.
Sometimes it’s hard not to say what I feel, especially at work. But with God’s help, I hold my tongue (most of the time!). I would like to get to the point where I don’t even think those not so nice things. I’m not perfect so I can’t expect others to be perfect.
This week I will take the high road by pausing and praying to see the situation thru the other person’s eyes before I react. This will include when I’m asked a million times what is for the next meal when we have just finished eating.
Nancy, sorry, but I had to chuckle. I sometimes say the only things my family asks me are, “Where’s my _______?” and “What are we eating?” Hmmm… Maybe I need to think about how I react to them too!
I often want people to see things my way especially when I’m right however it’s much better to be at peace with all people as the Scripture says. I will take the high road by submitting my thoughts and actions to Christ so that my response will be done out of love and that will bring glory and honor to God.
I will choose to forgive – to not hold unforgiveness in my heart for hurts caused by the words or inactions or actions of others. God’s forgiveness through me brings great release and honors Him and sets me free. I choose this today.
Right before I read this post, which you have shared before, I was preparing my speech to chew out people, in person, from my bank in less than 2 hours from now. I have been dealing with them for a few weeks regarding a loan payoff. the initial issue was that we were led to believe (as were others with this loan type~ as told to me by the loan officer) that we had 3 more months to finish our payments, which was on schedule for us and not a problem. However, we were informed that those last 3 payments needed to be a lump sum, for which we did/do not have the money to pay at one time. We were working with someone and it was supposed to have been settled with 2 payments. However this morning I see they drained our accounts, and now I am in the red.
The real issue is that I am under a lot of stress, in all ways- not just financially. My husband has Stage 4 colon cancer, has had 2 surgeries & is on his second round of chemo txs. At present he is not improving & by test results the cancer continues to grow, despite being on chemo. He is 50 yrs. old. We have 2 beautiful, amazing children, a son 14yrs & a daughter, 12yrs.
I will be going into the bank this morning, but with a much better, calmer, more peaceful frame of mind. I don’t need to stoop to evil. I can be/am beyond that because I am God’s child~ and loved beyond anything that I can fathom. Likewise ~so are the people at the bank.
Lysa, you are such a precious, gifted person. I feel that if we knew one another personally we would be friends. I know a lot of women share that same sentiment. I thank God for your wisdom, insight and ability to bring me peace- so often when I need it most.
I will think and pray before I speak or act. Many times I find that a reply isn’t necessary and those actions will speak louder than your words will.
Thank you Lysa for being an encouragement to many!!
I choose to take the high road by knowing whatever I did to cause this type of anger from this person towards me was not intentional on my part, so I will cover this person in prayer.
One hard, but awesome place to take the high road is in my work, dealing with clients who say mean things, or offer unrealistic goals and timelines.
Thanks for your words today!
I am going through a divorce after 3 attempts to reconcile. My ex has moved his girlfriend into the house and has no boundaries in moving forward with his life. I have gotten extremely angry and been the one who sent the lashing texts. I have experienced a great deal of anxiety and resentment. Thank you for reminding me that forgiveness is a gift I give myself first. I am so ready to experience God’s peace, and know the plans he has for my life.
Thank you for this powerful essay. In the past and without the mind of Christ I would relish the power of the ‘mean girl”. She was strong and knew what she wanted. Boy was I deceived. All of those thoughts were out of hurt and unforgiveness.
I appreciate you and the ladies of Proverbs 31. The last several years have been the most difficult yet rewarding in Christ. Your devotions and resources have helped me mature and stand strong. I praise our Father for your transparency that have emboldened broken lives to shine ever so brightly.
Be blessed.
Instead of wanting to retaliate when I’m hurt, I tend to withdraw, which shuts me down, along with what God wants to do thru me, what He wants to teach me and how He wants to bless and use me.
I will choose to give the hurt to God, listen to and obey His Word, choose the blessing and save myself the emotional turmoil (please thank your husband for the way he worded that!)!
I needed to read this today. It is not text message but feeling attacked by coworkers when situations don’t go as they desire or for me to react, then I feel discontent the rest of the day instead of joyful and filled with the spirit of Christ. The scripture used lifted my eyes back to my Jesus. Thanks
Funny that I read this verse yesterday…
The one who guards his mouth preserves his life; the one who opens wide his lips comes to ruin. Proverbs 13:3
Sounds like God’s trying to tell me something. I will keep my eyes open for opportunities to take the high road today. I feel like one’s coming!
This could not have been a more timely devotion. A good portion of my family, children and grandchildren, have been planning to travel to western New York state to visit my husband’s family in July. The family has planned a reunion and wanted us to come. One daughter and her family have not been in almost 10 years. Whenever we go, we stay with family as we’ve never been able to afford a motel for a week, especially now with 11 people. Now…yes that is a lot of people, but I’ve had more than that come at a time from NY to stay with us in NC!! And, we are willing to split up between homes. I received a call from my sister-in-law this past weekend stating various reasons that this one or that one couldn’t have any of us to stay with them, and there are 7 of my husband’s sisters living within a short distance of each other! And, all the ones who can’t accommodate us have come to stay with us before many times and have often brought friends of their children with them. My husband is very hurt and my daughter is angry and I am feeling both emotions! Thank you, and our Lord, for reminding me to take the high road. Please pray for us and this situation.
God’s blessings to you and your ministry for all you do to help so many grow in the Lord!
Negotiating with solving a problem with someone taking from the girls and I the most valued commodity…. Our time together. God guide me through these challenging situations. Thank you, Lysa, for sharing your wisdom
It is always harder when the mean comment comes from your spouse. I actually wanted to throw my shoe at him the other day for something he said. I went so far as to picture the whole scenario in my mind… fortunately God intervened with a distraction and I never threw the shoe. But the comment festered for two days. It was not good. I did manage to get my bible out and read it for awhile seeking a sense of calm and perhaps get some wisdom and maybe that helped me. I must say though that when I prayed for the Spirit to empower and strengthen me I didn’t FEEL empowered or strengthened at all. Why can’t I FEEL empowered when I pray for it?! If I ask for such a good thing why don’t I know immediately that I have it?
i would love a copy of unglued to share with a friend.
For the past three years I have continued to receive treatment I do not deserve and had grown very defensive. I prayed and prayed that no weapon formed against me would prosper. I could not see any hope of relief from the persecution. One early Sunday morning at 2:00 am after waking, I cried out to God in tears, “Please help me” because it was all I could manage to say. God gave me the verse; “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not into your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths” Proverbs 3:5-6. Nothing seemed to change…but my attitude. God continued to direct me to this verse in the form of a candle holder, calenders, music videos, Church bulletins, and letters. I began to pray this verse. To continue to give my weakness of defensiveness and yes, even pride because God showed me pride was a part of my defensiveness. Then He showed me that I was making what was happening to me an idol. It permeated my thoughts. I still struggle with all of these things but I recognize them sooner. Last week, because these persecutions continue, He directed me to bless them. This was the most difficult. I struggled with it because I did not want to pray any blessings for these people. Oh, I kept forgiving them but to bless them too? No way! Finally I asked God for help and I prayed for each person to be blessed with a closer relationship with Jesus, the blessing of forgiveness, the blessings of love in their lives. Have I seen a change or even the troubles to go away? Not yet. But then God isn’t finished with any of us. I appreciate the honesty that you bring to your messages.
Thank you so much for your devotions, books, etc. The comments are almost always exactly what I need to hear/read. I get several devotions a day and ask God to show me what I need to know that will give me a new slant on things or relearn something with a new understanding of what it means to me now. -as situations change. I so appreciate you using your gift to help so many people,especially women. Please pray for my family. (There has been bipolar people for a couple generations who have caused so much violence and family disunity.-my father, daughter and maybe a grandson now.) Just for today I will try harder to understand my daughter and where she is coming from and forgive her for upsetting her children and others. I will try to take just one day at a time and forget the past disruptions,etc and look forward to changes of peace. Again thank you so much for your wonderful God given ideas put into written form.
I will choose the high road when my husband and teenage son treat me disrespectfully. Confront in love but not anger.
Dear Lysa,
With summer starting and school over, it was hard not to get depressed. I miss the community. But I know I need to take the high road this week by asking the Lord what he wants me to do this summer and drawing near to him. I need to find things to do, community, and most of all some people, because I’m a real introvert and school’s been one of my big sources of social interaction. I’m confused, sad, and a little bit restless. I have anxiety so it isn’t easy for me to sign up for events because I’m not sure if I can stay there. I guess taking the high road means staying close to my Lord, and trusting him to be faithful in his planning.
I will take the high road by remembering to keep peace at all cost and realizing that I don’t have to always respond to ugly and hurtful words that others say to me or to the wrong that others do to me.
The battle is not mine, it’s the Lord’s!!
Praise God.
I want to always take the highroad wearing a smile that shows the honest love of Christ each and every day. Not just because I’m pretending to “kill with kindness.” I want to truly live out love…because love DOES!!
Reading your blog this morning Christ-centered me. I was feeling anger and resentment toward my mother-in-law and refocused after my morning’s blog reading. I know I will have to reread many times before the truth remains in brain and heart.
Thank you for your blog and the encouragement it brings. I thank the Trinity for those times when needed words bring comfort and remove me for straying.
I will choose the high road after a long time friend decided to cut me out of her life.
Noreen
I have been in this situation as well and know how painful it can be. Prayers for grace over your life today.
Lisa, Thank you for these wise words and leading us to these important words from God. Recently I received a very hurtful letter from my father and I have been struggling with how to respond. At first I was so angry that I just wanted to fight back and lash out. Then I went through a time of grief and needed to process the hurt. Now along with some Christian counselling and your words of wisdom today, I feel I can just let the letter and all it contains rest in God’s hands. Jesus has already been been working on my broken, hurting heart and I am sure that He has my future and whatever needs to follow that letter under control.
Susan
Forgiving trespasses is difficult; it is difficult to forgive the hurts we truly don’t deserve. I try hard to live from the inside out, reframing my identity as a follower of Jesus, who constantly forgives me. “Love does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right.” Yup, striving for the high road is always right! Thanks for the poignant post.
I have a forty-five minute commute to work which can be quite challenging at times. I want to start taking the high road by being more patient with other drivers.
This week I will choose to be thankful for my opportunities and rest in God’s perfect provision rather than complain and be stressed about all that needs to be done.
Lysa,
This email couldn’t come at a better time. I am having “drama” issues at work because I have chosen the higher road. The verses will help tremendously. Thank you for always speaking God’s truth into my life.
I am going to take the high road today by not insisting I am right with my husband. I will accept that it is better to remain graceful and keep my mouth shut! Even if that means gritting my teeth and praying through it the whole time!
Good morning Lysa;
I thank you for sending out this message yesterday – it just confirms that the change I’ve implemented at work starting on Monday is the change I needed to do in order to bless and be blessed. I’ve been having such an ugly time at work and have tried to figure out why…why do people walk by and not speak; why do people talk to me in such a negative and disrespectful manner; why am I being shunned, etc., etc. So instead of wallowing in self pity, after a woman’s conference that gave me strength and encouragement – I decided I would come in with a new attitude and forget the response (or most times, lack thereof) and keep positive for it’s not about me, it’s about the Father and I being His daughter am empowered to rise above and keep the joy I’ve been blessed with and I am also empowered to share that joy – whether the other person receives it or not – well that’s up to them. =) Again, thank you for your profound words – and whether or not I receive the book that’s being offered – is fine – I just wanted to share and hopefully encourage the next person who may be going through a similar situation. God bless you and to God be the Glory!!! Love in Christ – Naomi
I WONT’ LET SOMEONE WORDS CAUSE ME TO REACT, I WILL PRAY FOR THAT PERSON INSTEAD.. I WILL TAKE THE HIGH ROAD.
I am choosing this week to take the high road because I choose to NOT resent my husband’s ex-wife. I am choosing to forgive her & pray for her. This is a decision I must make week to week. When they divorced after 25 years of her not taking care of the children, not paying their bills, not cleaning or keeping the house & extreme prescription medicine abuse , she refused to sign divorce papers. She went to California & had an affair & then filed for divorce & spousal support & she won!
My husband makes $1600.00 a month. We have to pay her $500.00 a month in spousal support! I have always dreamed of having an orphanage! I dream now of being a foster Mom, but, I cant quit my job to do that because of Spousal Support! So, as I was saying I am choosing to pray & forgive this woman as day by day I am reminded of her sin against us! I pray that she comes to know the Lord as her own personal savior! Chrystel
I am so thankful for your devotionals. I have been going through some situations with my ex-husband and his family and I feel like this post is a direct message from God. I am constantly having to keep my mouth shut and to avoid arguing with them, in spite of the fact that I know in my heart I am the one in the right. I also love what your husband said! It is so very true, but so hard to remember in the moment! Iam going to print up his quote and tape it to my mirror, along with the verses! Thanks for writing and praying like you do
I will take the high road by not responding to others with judgement.
More than ANYTHING I desire people to see Jesus in me. God has been impressing on my heart just how complainy and grumbly I am when all I am thinking I am doing is just saying a truth about a situation. BUT I shouldn’t be volunteering my thoughts if they aren’t edifying so I have decided to memorize scripture in addition to daily devotions and Bible study. Not only did I need this devotion today…so timely…it had the last verse I memorized in it Col. 3;12-14! So, what a clear reminder to shut up! lol! Eph. 4:29 says let no unwholesome talk proceed out of your mouth except what is edifying to others…well for me that’s not just zero cussing it has to be “not voicing my “truthful” opinion. Unless someone asks of course. Thank you Lysa. I love how open you are! You are such an inspiration to me that God can work in me too! Blessings to you and I wish we were neighbors! ;o)
WOW! This article really hit home with me! This coming up week I will be facing a difficult situation in my family and I feel God put this article and His word in my path so I can deal with the situation and put on the full armor of God! Thank you for letting God work through you!
Lysa,
Thank you so much! Your words could not have come at a better time. I usually take the high road by not saying anything or walking away but I’m usually so upset that I forget to pray for them. Starting today I’ll make a conscious effort to pray for them & also for me to think “What would Jesus do?”
I choose to believe all things are for the glory of God and I choose to take the HIGH road.
I will take the high road this week by not engaging in having to have the last work when an argument happens between myself and my teenage daughter. I will be an example to her instead of acting like a teenager myself by having the last word just to satisfy my own selfish desire.
This article was the exact answer to my prayer this morning when asking God to show me how to be a better example to my children who have seen me in the past struggle with hurtful words and situations. They are now what I consider, pseudo-adults, at ages 18 and (almost) 20. I don’t want me past poor reactions to influence them to react in such ways. God’s Word has given me the key to walking in love.
“Colossians 3:12-14 reminds me, ‘… as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity’ (NIV)”
Thank you for reminding me that EVERY answer is found in the Word of God.
I will take the high road this week by not criticizing my adult daughter who can be very lazy. Instead I will try to inspire her with my example.
Great practical reminder, Lysa. God convicted me this week when I read through Psalm 15. He hates gossip! I have to confess, that’s my fall back when I feel offended. I’m asking Him to give me healthier ways of processing hurt feelings instead of sinking to the level of the offense.
to be calm when someone may say something hurtful and act with integrity. It will always feel better.
Thsnk you for inspiring me! I will take the high-road because while doing so will be difficult, the guilt of not doing so, which simply results in hurting the other person, is far more costly!!!! it is costly for the Kingdom, and costly for us mentally, spiritually, emotionally and physically! God calls us to live according to His word and His promise, NOT according to what we view as our rights. Practicing this will not only help me grow in my faith, but show others what it means to live a life built on a foundation that even the lies I am told cannot crumble! Here’s to a day of zipping my lips and focusing on love!
Lysa, I cannot imagine anyone being rude to you, or hurtful. You have inspired so many. The first time I heard of you was when our pastor’s wife had your Bible study of “Unglued”. It meant so much to me. Then, I went to Longview to hear you speak at the Feminar. My 20 yr. old granddaughter was raped a few weeks ago, two days after her birthday, by a boy she had gone to school with. She was engaged to another boy and he dumped her, which is a good thing. He was not good for her. God has had his hand on this child since before she was born and we expect good things for her. She and her mother are going to Israel in August to work on an olive farm for a month and witness to the people there. I am trying to find it in my heart to forgive these two young men, but it is hard. I really want to crack heads. Thank you for your wisdom and knowledge. You are a beacon. Bonnie Kelley
My Husband and I are working through the Love Dare right now. We are currently on day 8. On day 1 the dare was to not say anything negative(AT ALL) to your spouse. Wow, it was definitely an eye opener when I had to go over everything in my head before I let it fly out of my mouth! Then I realized that this dare was not only about what came out of my mouth, but it was also about how I reacted to what came out of his. This dare was about me! This Dare required me to practice righteousness and not “rightness”! When I do this I am not only showing love to my mate, I am showing love to my Maker!
I had a similar text message on Friday evening. I read and re-read it several times, then chose to delete it. I knew that no matter what I said in my reply, I would only be dragged into the mire and the muck. Recently a good friend of mine posted “quit trying to explain yourself to those who insist on misunderstanding you”. It was a good reminder. Thank you for all you do!
My daughter in law has disliked me from day one and now her and my son have chosen to not speak to us at all, before they had my beautiful grandson this was hard to deal with–now it’s downright unbearable. I live each day knowing my husband and myself are missing out on crucial first moments of that boys life! It is hard to not let bitterness grow in me….I needed your message today, thank you for the blessing and the verses that I can apply to my life and this terrible situation.
I will be attending a Pastor’s wives retreat this weekend… and having to face another pastor’s wife that has always belittled and judged me for over 10 years. I WILL choose to take the high road…Be polite, Be loving, Be sensitive to her needs. I can only do this with God’s grace and direction. Thank you for your post. VERY timely!! 🙂
I’ve spent the last, almost 6 years working on this very problem. Taking the high road for me (in the beginning) was severing relationships and stewing and brewing and nursing and rehearsing my frustrations and being bitter. there was a lot of loss in my family and friends seemed to turn on me. It has taken a while but I have forgiven myself (for the most part) I sometimes have to forgive those who truly have wronged me on a daily basis still, but this “season” of my life seems to be getting easier (I still have to watch myself – lest I fall into the adversaries trap again) and I’m becoming “me” again. I talk to God all day long – He’s my best friend.
Dear Lysa,
I will take the high road this week by remembering not to hurt people as I feel they have hurt me or someone else. I have a friend who defiantly hurt another person because she does not like this person. This seemed to hurt me just as much or even more than the person who was persecuted. God is overflowing in His Grace and Mercy so I pray that I will stop immediately when I think I need to say an unkind word or perform an unkind act by asking God to reveal to me just how much harm I can do to a person’s heart by such words or actions. On 3/5/2015 God performed a huge miracle(as He always does) but this one I really want to keep my eyes open to His plan in my life. I need to overcome selfishness by loving as He does me. After all I hurt His feelings everyday not really meaning to but I do and He loves and forgives me no matter what. Blessings to all 🙂
Hi Lysa, I love your blog and getting your email inspirations! I have been unemployed for the past 6 months after working for 24 years straight. Being at home as given me the chance to take better care of my home and my husband since my boys are all grown up now. I get up early every morning to fix my hubby a smoothie & lunch, make sure all the laundry is done, & house is clean, cook dinner and even give him a back rub or massage his tired feet while we’re watching tv at night. All that being said, last night I was scratching his back and browsing on my phone at the same time. Apparently, I wasn’t doing it right, because he said, “I wish I got as much attention as your phone does.” This really hurt me after all I do for him each day. I wanted to go off on a rant and tell him exactly how much attention he actually got from me that he didn’t seem to notice. But I remembered that would only lead to a huge fight that wasn’t even worth the energy and more hurt feelings. Instead, I just put my phone down and apologized. That was hard to do, because like you said, my inner attorney was dying to state my case. I can see where he was coming from and it doesn’t hurt to put the phone down sometimes. 🙂 Thanks for listening and I pray you continue to be blessed by God to help all of us women who struggle within themselves each day.
Hi Lysa! This was trully meant for me right at this moment!! I’ve had some trying times at work these past couple of days and just have been trying real hard to keep from retaliating with not so God approved behavior!! I read a devotion one day last week on your P31 ministry site that was called “The other side of me,” and I keep going back to that every time I feel like someone is in the wrong. It works!! I really appreciate you and your staff and all that yall do!! You guys are awesome and God given!! I thank Him for you all everyday!!!
I tend to be one that comes “unglued” often and don’t even realize it at the time. This is something I need to work on. I would love a copy of your book. Thank you for being so real!
Such great truths based on God’s Word in a world so full of self-centered and self-righteousness. Thank you for the reminder that practically unheard in our society today. ❤️❤️❤️
Hy Lysa –
Boy, did you hit the nail on the head with this book!!! In a world that has taken to bashing people via social media, texting, etc., it makes it too easy for us to fire back.
But as I tell my kids, when people express themselves via any of those sources, they are cowards! It is too easy to type “ugly” and than hit the ‘post’ or ‘send’ key. Can’t wait to read your guiding words to help me and my kids avoid getting ourselves caught up in a ‘word match’. Let God continue to grace you with the wisdom and the words to guide us through the crazy, unknown and sometimes ugly territory of our lives.
Thank you ❤️
Boy was I convicted when I read this post! My husband and I had a nasty bout yesterday and he called me names that cut to the bone. Not only was I hurt, I was angry. I left the house, and went grocery shopping just to put some distance between us. I have grappled with his behavior in response to MY need to be right! That is no excuse for HIS ugliness, but I knew he was right about me…I have a need to be “right.” We have been down this road many times after 35 years, but as we have matured, we SHOULD know better! This behavior does not honor God, or each other. After a restless night, I am going to be more gracious this week. Thanks you Lysa for yet again reminding us that coming unglued may be human, but not pretty!
When I feel like my husband is wrong and I am right, I need to take a deep breath, count to 10 and pray before I spew out angry words to defend myself.
I will chose to turn the other cheek in disagreements. Deciding that having the last word in an argument does make me right and doesn’t make me feel better.
Keeping my emotions in check with my child. It can be so frustrating to be matching wits with a 5 year-old all day, and I have to model restraint. It’s harder than it should be sometimes.
Hi Lysa! I will be taking the high road this week in my marriage. Everything you said rang in my ears loud as I thought about how I am when I need to prove I’m right to my husband. Kindness and forgiveness is essential in marriage. I quickly forget that. Thank you so much for the reminder! High road here I come!
I will take the time to stop, count if I need, then respond to the situation. I won’t spew whatever comes out of my mouth without first thinking.
I’m taking the high road by not gossiping and not having the last word in every conversation!
I have a hard time keeping my cool when I’m disrespected, misunderstood, or I see my kids behaving with those attitudes towards each other. I try to take a ‘mommy time-out’ before I lose my cool, but it doesn’t always work that way!
I will take the high road this week with my husband. I will not be mean to him or choose to be angry at him.
I am a first-born, and so is my 11-year-old son. He can draw me into an argument like no one else in this world. This morning went so badly because without my adult perspective, he couldn’t see why I had prioritized some tasks over others. These were, of course, tasks that needed to be done before we had to leave at 9 am. We both became unglued. My job is to teach him to trust my authority and perspective without argument, so that he eventually learns to trust God. But that is NOT going to happen if I allow myself to argue back and become unglued. My plan to take the high road this week is to submit to Jesus’ instructions and instruct him in love (at least I’ll try – again). It doesn’t matter that I follow through with consequences or if the results prove me right, if my son doesn’t know that I love him. He will only learn that God is there to boss him around, instead of learning that following Jesus, motivated by love, is for his own good. Thanks for you post this morning. I needed to regroup.
Lysa, I choose to take the high road with my mother in law. I come “unglued” a lot with her. She and I have had a lot of issues. It has brought pain to me and my marriage. Though my husband and I are on the same page I know it brings him pain to see his mother and wife argue all the time. We have two children that have also suffered. Even though they are young (2.5 and 1). I always ask “why can’t she see how much damage she causes” “why can’t she just stop doing this or that”…I try to be the best daughter in law I can be. I have prayed God show me how to not snap on her. How to be nicer. How to be more calm. Then she says or does something and I break. I don’t want to be this person. There are sooo many things she and I have went through…I try I really do..
In my Lysa voice, I am saying OUCH!!! Just yesterday afternoon, I had a workplace conflict that took me by surprise. It was soooo mean and hurtful that it bothered me the rest of the evening. During my devotional period this morning, GOD was speaking to me about unforgiveness (Matthew 6:14,15). Then HE lead to Daniel’s Prayer (Daniel 9: 1-23). I realized that I am part of the stiff neck people of GOD when it comes to forgiving that co worker that offended me. GOD also laid on my heart that when we don’t forgive the offender, we are sinning against HIM because that is HIS COMMANDMENT!!! FORGIVE! When I saw my other coworker who is in another building (who is experiencing the same situation with a mutual coworker), I was ministering to her before my offense occurred. I spoke about my offense that happened to me (bringing up the past), then I opened your devotional today. This message was for me, and I know it. GOD wants to release me so I can be free to serve HIM. Thank You Lysa for being that “willing vessel” that GOD used to help me and others on this journey…
I tell you, the Lord speaks to me and is always on time when I need him deeply. I had the worst night last night, I litteraly had a nervouse break down last night starting about 12:00am til about 2:00am. I was crying and hyper ventilating uncontrollably, I was so hurt, my heart just hurt and aching, wondering why am I always the good person to my family and friends, and I suffer so much hurt and pain from them, its so much I cant explain it or talk about it, that I have so much built up I just exploded. The devil is on me, and im trying not to let him win. My heart is so heavy and angry, that I eally cant talk about it to anyone. My husband tried to calm me and hold me, that I couldnt even talk to him, but I thank him for just holding me and letting me cry. First e-mail when I cam eto work when I looged on was this e-mail, it spoke to me and touched me so, thats why I say God is real, I asked him to help me and show me and started with this e-mail that sureky hit home. I would love a copy of this book unglued. I feel that I am unglued right now in so many ways, and I am trying to find my way back, and Love myself. Thank you
This was perfect timing to receive this Lysa!
I am praying over something I would normally be very hurt and bitter by, I would normally send out a mass text telling those how they are wrong, how I am hurt and probably making a wave of emotions in the family. However, I decided to stop. Pray. But everyday I dont, it’s still nagging in the back of my brain, why dont I speak up! You gave me the answer: because I have given myself fully to him. I will be loving to show him that is in me. I will love him and by loving him I will not live in my own flesh, my own ways. Thanks Lysa! (He warned us life would be hard, didnt he, he never said it would be easy hee hee)
I choose to take the high road when Christians around me hurt me with their words and actions. I will respond with God’s love, grace, and mercy and not give them a piece of my mind. What I think is wise is foolishness in God’s eyes and will not produce His life in a situation.
I plan to sit in calm and know God is in control and he can defend himself. I only have to be in control of myself and be confident in my Lord. A smile from a calm face will allow God to work in others lives. I share books, especially yours. They point out we are not perfect but loved and forgiven by our Heavenly Father. Very thankful you write books. Lila
I will breathe and exhale, multiple times if necessary, when dealing with our 14yo daughter. We’ve hit the phase in our relationship where she appears to be testing the waters in terms of what she can get away with in terms of attitudes and tone of voice. It could be worse – we could be dealing with behavioral issues, chronic lying, and any number of other things common to the teenage years. We’ve been through it twice with her (much) older brothers, but it really is different with girls.
I know there are no coincidences with God so I’m certain this was meant for me today. I will do my best to make a habit of praying first before I respond to hurtful things and before I do or say hurtful things myself.
Thank you so much for the encouargement about “When I want to be Mean’. My husband said some words to me that were very hurtful, and I wanted to lash back, but God kept my mouth shut. I tell my kids all the time to remember to see people the way Jesus does, to love the way he loves us. Most times saying is harder than doing. I’m asking praying that I don’t hold on to the hurt, but take the high road (God’s road) and let it go and see and love the way God does. Thank you again for being a blessing to me.
This week I will not allow my hurt feelings over the actions of others to stop me from reaching out on kindness.
Pray for peace for both you and the other party – and do not respond in haste.
By realizing my opinion is not always the best opinion or the only opinion.
This week I’ll serve my husband and kids without expecting anyone to notice, without expecting appreciation, and without expecting to be repaid somehow. My high road will be love, no strings attached.
Love this!
Julia that is wonderful! I so grasp feeling unappreciated. It is hard to just show love when you feel worn down and exhausted. I will pray for your week! Blessings dear sister in Christ.
Have dealt with situations like this at church. I find myself having to remember that my main focus is to worship God and only serve him…I have learned to keep quiet during those times were I feel my bottle cap of anger is about to burst open…My trying to change someone will never work, i just work on myself, so that I can make a difference.
Lysa,
Having just completed 27 years of ministry with my beloved husband, may I just say that the church does not seem to ‘walk the talk’. However, God is Sovereign over my life and will not allow anything that He does not believe will bring Him glory. I am charged with that awesome responsibility. To praise Him in the storm! I believe every day that there is no rainbow without rain. I need to be sheltered under His wings of protection.
I will choose to take the high road when my teenage daughter wants to argue with me. I will do my best to pray and choose my words carefully. Thank you Lysa and Proverbs 31 for all you do!! Have a wonderful and blessed day!!!
I just did it this morning, and I work on it everyday, I pulled out the part of the email that pointed out someone else’s mistake or incorrect interpretation and I just answered the questions asked. I can only account for myself, why do I so often try to account for everyone else too?
Oh boy did I need to read this today. I struggle daily with getting defensive and needing to prove my point or prove that I am right. Usually with my boyfriend of 5 years. It really just causes arguments, and doesn’t do either of us any good. Most of the time, I read into whatever he says and I twist it into something I feel I need to defend. Once I can step back from the situation and evaluate it for what it is, I realize I am wrong (and that even if I am right, it’s not worth the “emotional turmoil” I put myself (and him) through). This week, I will take the higher road by stepping back and Viewing the situation BEFORE reacting. I am a total reactor. I just react in anger and I need Jesus to hold me back and work on my heart.
I’m stubborn when I’m convinced I’m right and I’m like a dog with a bone. I’ve noticed when I say my piece calmly then pray over it and leave it with God, I feel peace that he has it in hand. Being in his will is better than banging on about how valid my points are. I know they are. He gave me a good mind but sometimes I need to practice humility.
I will slow down, process and pray before I speak out of my hurt. Trying to remember who I am in Christ and what He has called me to. Especially in my marriage as things are stressful and strained right now.
As a Pastors wife and leader of our Young Adult ladies group it is hard and intimidating at times to reach them and gives lessons. A few of them have their own views and are closed to anyone elses. Therefore, they make comments and always try to push their opinion on others. This week I choose to love like Jesus and not get aggravated and annoyed with them. I pray for understanding and wisdom to see where they are coming from so i can help them better.
You wrote this just for me today. I promise! I have a co-worker that is never wrong. (You know what I mean!). I sometimes try and take the high road with her but not always successful. When I do, I feel so much better at the end of the day. I pledge to continue to not prove I’m right with her. It doesnt show my true Christian beliefs. God knows who’s right anyway! Thank you!!’
I will stop & think before responding to negative input from everyone else.
I have been going to a new church for about a year and a half now. I’ve always been apart of a ministry. This time the Lord had me in the women’s ministry as one of 5 leaders. It is a new ministry to this church. I’m a mother with 1 adult child and 4 teenagers. I live in a small community where everyone knows everyone. If you weren’t apart of growing up here well you don’t fit in with the clicks. With this small picture of where I’m at I have learned to take the high road quit often. This week and every week I remind myself and my children that God knows who you are and that is enough. Its hard to not want to have the last word, or defend ourselves against rumors, but daily reminding ones self that God knows your heart and it’s enough.
Lysa, so many times this has come around to me in my life! I am 47 years old and I have seen many, many times how God repays my willingness to forgive and, if not forget, to learn from others who may not realize how unkind they have been. Many times it hurts me to the bone when I am treated harshly, and I am either embarrassed or just plain mad about the way I feel I have been treated. I don’t want others to feel that way, even if they are the ones who hurt me. God repays me with peace in knowing that I have done the right thing, and with kindness, because almost every time – even years later – that person has come back to apologize for the way things happened and things that were said. However, when I do not take the ‘high road,’ it seems that whatever the issue is/was NEVER ends… I either keep it smoldering myself and carry around anger or shame or other feelings, or that person remains angry about something that should not have mattered in the first place, all because I was too into myself to be the bigger person and let it go. I am not always the example of what a Christian should be, but looking back on the times that I have honestly tried to be the best person I possibly could, I have always been rewarded for it by the Lord.
I always know in my heart to do the ‘right thing’ is always the best thing, and I always try so hard. But I relate so well to the above statement shared ‘ an inner attorney rises up desperate to defend my rights and get the other person to see things my way…’, I so often don’t know what to do when I feel this way and this righteousness is a constant hindrance in my life. Today I choose to recognize that inner attorney and to set my feelings aside, regardless of what I feel I need to convey. I choose to seek to understand than to be understood. I choose to start fresh and clean with specifically with the women in my life who have hurt me deeply, whom I feel I have no future of a healthy relationship with, whom I tolerate because I have to. I choose to focus my heart on taking the higher road knowing that God will bless me. I choose to trust God whole heartedly. I choose to accept that I am not to fix these women but to be an example of the woman God made me to be and the woman that I desire to be. I want to obey God by offering an extension of the forgiveness I’ve been given. And I choose to stay emotionally healthy in future circumstances of conflict by remembering just because I forgive them doesn’t mean they have control over me. Thank you so much Lysa for this post! Your words speak true to my heart and I’m so blessed by you.
I think taking the high road will benefit myself much more than the other person. No matter how correct you are, they’re not going to see your side. And, taking your energy and losing your peace to argue your stance when it won’t change anything, isn’t worth it. So, I’ll do it for my peace of mind. And, in turn, peace in my household.
Oh, and by breathing and thinking, “Does this edify the situation? Benefit anyone?” If not, I’ll keep it to myself.
I had this experience last night I did not react with Grace. My Ex boyfriend who had told me he doesn’t love me 6 weeks ago after 5 months of reassurance that he did and that God was for us and how amazing I was. we had split a time before and he went back to his ex 3 weeks after we split out of loneliness(there is unhealthy all over this I know). well I had found out that he has done this once again and I came unglued I was so upset. I sent him a message saying I was right and he came unglued so it was an hour text war from him saying Iam a mess to us just being hurtful. and admittedly I was hurtful back. I know this was not glorious to God and want to be able to use this whole relationship as a learning experience and a stepping stone to God but I miserably failed last night, Lord please forgive me and help me to forgive. Amen
I was just terminated. I had started a position they said would take 2 years to learn. At 3 months the supervisor wasn’t happy with the way things were going. At 6 months she ended it. The devotional was what I needed to hear!! Thank you!!!
I will choose the high road by forgiving her and praying for her.
This post hit several things right in the heart for me. The biggest thing for me to remember is that it is not my job to change the other person. It is to listen and to be or do what God needs me to be our do at the time.
Taking the high road will mean putting my family first and listening to God’s plan.
I am amazed daily at Gods grace, love and mercy…just this morning I had an issue with my husband where I snapped at him because he didnt agree with a decision I was making. I could feel myself getting more and more frustrated! If I simply prayed instead that would have saved me quite a few grey hairs! This week I will make a consistant effort to Pray first…go to God first…before allowing the enemy to make me frustrated and turn my hair grey! Thank you for allowing God to lead you and your topics for the day…this was on point!!!
Lori
I have been getting frustrated very easily with everyone, my husband, my baby, my mom, my coworkers. I keep blaming it on my pregnancy hormones. Today when I feel frustration bubbling up, I will chose to step away, collect myself, say a prayer, and let them speak.
I saw this today and thought, wow this is a character in myself that I MUST change. I am a soap box queen. I see something that just frys me and I need to say something about it. Recently, however, the Holy Spirit has gently touched my soul with the words… Be Quiet. It has been so hard as my personality is very strong. God is revealing His gentle, loving character, who He is, to me through his word. This is who I am now so He says. And I must obey so as to honor God the Father. I wanted to say thank you for this blog today. It spoke straight to my heart ! I would love to read this book, do this study but funds are greatly limited. Hugs and love in Christ!
Thank you Lysa for always being transparent & honest.
I have already blundered this very circumstance. Out loud. I will spare the details.
Right now I am in a place of solitude, asking God to show me how to stay out of the path of these same scenarios in the future.
I want to be an obedient servant of Christ. For His Glory!!
I have been living this for a year now. The person is someone very close to me. They have a totally messed up perspective of me and accuses me of horrible things all the time. Defending myself does nothing. I am learning, slowly but surely, that God has control and will set it straight. It is very hard to do. I know the truth, God knows the truth. I am striving towards trusting God fully and believing.in the end He will reveal who I am. It hurts so deeply and it is hard, but I know God is my strength.
I would be blessed to get your book… I can’t afford it on my own but need it. Today just before coming across this article I’d just taken the high road with the father of my daughter who i still have feelings for but he can’t stop projecting his way of thinking/behaving on me instead of knowing /seeing me for who i really am. We’re a few years separated but i still hope… He tends to go out of his way at the slightest thing (ie my not replying instantly to his messages, etc) to verbally attack me bringing me emotionally way down. Today i took the high Road… Thanks for considering me to get your book. God bless.
Hi Lysa. How timely of God for this devotion! I was just this morning thinking about how I need to reach out the others and ask for their prayers as I deal with hurts and baggage that I seem to have a really hard time with letting go. I want to let it go. I want to graciously turn the other cheek, and not let what someone does, or doesn’t do, bother me. But it is so hard. If someone comes to me and apologizes for whatever happened, I am quick to forgive, because I truly don’t like conflict, but it’s those situations where there is no apology. And there probably won’t ever be. And I try to let it go, but then something else is said, or happens and poof! There it is again, my frusterations and upset feelings with someone. I think of the story of how the Master forgave the huge debt of His servant, and then the servant went out and demanded a debt that was owed to him. I don’t want to be that servant. But I feel that I am sometimes. I think “they just need to apologize!” And that’s not the right attitude to have. If I can ask for your prayers to help me with this I would so appreciate it. Thank you!
I will choose to go to God and pray this week when I am feeling frustrated with another. Instead of lashing out in frustration in anger I going to stop, remain silent and think and pray on it! Tough to do but I know the end results of taking the “high road” always turn out better for me and everyone else in the long run!
Hi Lysa,
I never comment on blogs but I really needed this today. I am in the midst of dealing with some deep hurt from a lifelong friend and honestly don’t know how to say, “I’m hurt” without hurting her in the process. I want to honor God by offering grace and forgiveness and love but also communicate the pain I’ve been keeping a secret for the sake of the relationship. Man, this is hard to do!
I truly appreciate your humility in sharing your real life and real responses to situations that are difficult and touchy.
Thank you for this bit of encouragement!!! Sometimes I lose sight of what it means to be a follower of Christ in the day to day things.
Its amazing how God works. I’ve been going back and forth in my head about what to say to my in-laws who have really hurt us by something they did. However, part of me knows its not even worth saying anything because it doesn’t change anything. So here I am again, praise You Lord, convicted by His Word and led in the right direction because of His Word. Thank you for sharing this Lysa!
I will always attempt to take the high road because I choose to live in joy. And because I don’t always end up on the path I intended, I need to extend grace freely, just as God extends it freely to me.
I love your encouraging words. I am so happy that I found your blog 🙂
Hi,
I just got off the phone with our tech support and was steaming mad. I was about to call my husband and complain to him about how she lost all of my Bookmarks when she restored my email- I laughed at the subject line in your email-” When I want to be mean”- but called anyway- God intervened and my husband was away from his desk so I went to read your post- which I clearly should have done BEFORE I called him. After reading the post I decided that I will not bring it up tonight at dinner nor will I talk about it with colleagues. I already feel more peaceful.
Before I log out I will write a note of thanks to the woman who helped restore my email, then I will start collecting Bookmarks again- and make sure I am signed into CHROME when I do it- that guarantees that my BMks will be saved.
Thank you for your comforting words. So many times I reminded of what I need to do to carry on God’s plan for my day and I do feel so much better when I do his work. I wish I could do it more often.
Beginning this week, I have decided to seek God’s words of wisdom and open my Bible every time that I begin to feel defeated or hurt by others actions or words against me. I want to be ALL in and love like Jesus and I know that requires me being able to forgive.
I’m new to this ministry and am so very grateful to have found it. Thank you for the encouragement and guidance that a new Christian woman, like myself, desparately needs. This week I will act in love toward my partner who is fighting any battles, and doesn’t appear to be winning. Although his actions are very hurtful to me, I intend to stop reacting to him, and act like the child of God that I am.
I have a quick temper when I feel like I am being treated unjustly or am infinitely said then upset that I appear to be invisible to others, sometimes even to God, though I know that is not true. I need all the help I can get.
This is so me. I’ve actually had to deal with this fairly recent. I have a friend that can say things and not realize how hurtful or rude she can be. I know she isn’t meaning to be. That is just the way she is. However, I’m a person who has the personality of kindness most of the time. So when someone is being rude to me I immediately want to defend myself, but not necessarily always out of “justice” but out of anger and that I just have to point out how rude she was being and have the upper hand I guess you would say. One way I know I can work on this this week is by stopping when I receive a text like that or am spoken to that way, take a deep breath (or mental deep breath if the person is standing right in front of me) and speak a little prayer and God’s truth into the situation. I know I need to always look at the opposite side and see what is going on in the person’s life to make them want to say/do something mean like that.
I am learning to turn to God first when my anger and frustration over a situation starts to get out of hand. I try to remember the example I need to be for my children, students, and co-workers. I am a firm believer in the statement: you can be in a situation that is out of control without acting out of control.
This hits my heart… I’m starting to see that being a follower of Christ is humbling. I just read the scripture when Jesus was washing the disciples feet and it just put things in perspective. I struggle with wanting to get recognition and wanting people to see that I have a good heart. I feel like God is changing my heart and showing me that to be like Jesus means to be a servant and to put others before myself.
I caught up with a long, lost girlfriend from high school in December 2014. I found her on FaceBook. I was so excited. I wanted to drop everything and fly to see her right then and there. Unfortunately, I could not. However, I told her that I would plan a trip for June 2015 somewhere around the 18th of the month. She was all for it, I thought. Yesterday when I emailed her to tell her the exact details, she told me that she was not going to be at home during those dates. She had made other plans to fly to another state. What should I think? She said, “yes, come visit!. Yes, I will be home in June.” I paid for airline tickets, a rental car, and a hotel. I’ll probably be able to cancel the car and hotel, but not the airline tickets. I want to tell her how hurt I am. My husband gave the same advise as yours gave you, Lysa. He asked “what is your goal? To end the relationship?” I’m still in shock and have not made any decisions about how to respond. Anyhow, all of that said to let you know that your post was timely. 🙂
This week, I will give up the right to be right and pray for those I disagree with rather than pursuing a confrontation where we both lose. My adult daughter and her husband live in my basement – they’ve been there for 4 years. We gave them a break on rent so they could pay off bills and get their cars fixed and find their own place. Instead, they spent $1000s on tattoos. When my husband and I doubled their rent a couple of months ago, my son in law began acting as if we were being unfair to them. I took up arms then and told him I thought he was being unappreciative of what we were doing for them. That argument has strained my relationship with him. It’s almost a daily struggle. And the repair process is slow and feels nearly impossible.
Learning this week to graciously give my husband the opportunities to do what he loves without falling into self-pity because of the sacrifices it means to me. Not easy, but well worth it in the end. Thanks for your encouragement.
thank you for this giveaway. I want to give it away
This week I am going to take the high road by not acting or speaking out of anger. I want to honor the Lord with my actions so others will know that it is Him that I serve. Dear Lord, please give my Your strength to not act or speak out of hurt and anger. Let me show Your love to others and bring honor and glory to Your Name. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
I need to read Unglued because quite frankly I am coming unglued. I am caught where I am reacting to everything and seem to be angry and hurt all the time. I’m yelling and feeling frustrated & can really relate to the”words do hurt me” as i got a message this week with ” at least you still hace her” YES I Understand that and of course i am beyond grateful but they dont see how much it hurts with the struggles of a child with brain injury, the pain if looking at her seeing soneone ekse those familiar etes looking completely like a new person when I still “miss” my lil girl- the fear of a marriage in crisis after 25 years and the hurt of stupid comments that make my soul feel like it will split in two. I want to cry more than retaliate and then I want to yell. I am not like this & actually feel unglued. Thank you for your post today that deals with the real parts of how I feel inside where I’m almost too scared to look.
I cry as I type this and know I need to seek out your book thank you Lysa as always you deliver a Biblibal lifeline when lives are hurting xx
I need to read Unglued because quite frankly I am coming unglued. I am caught where I am reacting to everything and seem to be angry and hurt all the time. I’m yelling and feeling frustrated & can really relate to the”words do hurt me” as i got a message this week with ” at least you still have her” i want to scream YES – I Understand that and of course i am beyond grateful but they dont see how much it hurts with the struggles of a little child with brain injury, the pain of looking at her seeing soneone else & those familiar eyes looking completely like a new person when I still am raw & “miss” my lil girl- the fear of a marriage in crisis after 25 years and the hurt of stupid comments that make my soul feel like it will split in two. I want to cry more than retaliate and then I want to yell. I am not like this & actually feel unglued. Thank you for your post today that deals with the real parts of how I feel inside where I’m almost too scared to look.
I cry as I type this and know I need to seek out your book thank you Lysa as always you deliver a Biblibal lifeline when lives are hurting xx
When I’ve been misunderstood, I’m learning to not argue back to defend myself but to try to see how they misinterpreted me learn a better way to communicate for the next time.
For me, taking the highway is zipping my lip when I’d rather say something not so nice. This is especially hard when I’m around certain people, like my husband. I am a work in progress.
Thanks, Lysa, for being you! Sister hugs…
I have always spoke my mind when people say mean things because it made me feel better knowing I had the last word. Lately, God has been showing me that I don’t need to respond to show I’m right or that I know better. Knowing God knows and is pleased with me when I show love makes me feel better. Love your ministry.
I would love to win a copy! I will try to turn around or walk away & take a breath when something upsets me vs yelling.
Yes! Had to do that this past week. I also have to resist the tucking away of said text for later ammo against possibly “justified”, “eye-for-an-eye”, or “karma” moments in which the enemy tells me that I can use to refute another injustice that may occur.
Thank you for reminding me of this! Sometimes it’s hard to take the high road, I want to print this out and hang it on my mirror to remind me daily that God will take care if me no matter the situation!
I have someone in my life that I often choose the wrong response and today I really prayed for God to calm my heart and speak respectfully to this person and I loved that I made the right choice as the days before were not good. I feel so blessed when I take the high road and God’s way instead of mine.
Sometimes it is very hard to take the high road…especially when you’ve been hurt. I need to remember to forgive and take the high road so I can let others see Jesus in me.
Thank you for sharing. I too have an inner attorney who can usually argue and justify my position. Thank you!
Wow! Did this catch my eye. God is so good. He always knows just how to get my attention. I have been quite “snippy” to a co worker because of some hurtful things she has done. Those feelings of hurt had made me madder and madder at her. Just as Satan wants. Today, before finding this article, I realized I need to apologize to her for my hurtful comments. I know it is best to say sorry than walk away and move forward. Thank you Lisa for writing this and reminding us of the glorious grace Jesus has shown to all of us.
I will try not to get angry and mean when I feel as if my husband and daughter are both on the same side against me in an argument.
My husband and I have been in a conflict with a landlord who is holding our security deposit after a 3 month rental this past winter. The issues brought to our attention are either insignificant or completely untrue, and I believe we are being taken advantage of. Thank you for your reminder not to lash out in anger, but to instead handle the situation in a way that represents Christ. This week, I am choosing to turn the other cheek!
This is great advice! I am usually very quick with my words and always regret the things that I say in anger. This week I will bite my tongue, take time to think before I speak and remember words of love instead of anger! Especially with the hubby!
I am always totally amazed when the LORD speaks directly to me. Your post today spoke directly to me, and a situation that I found myself in this morning. A daughter spoke words that wounded me, and my first reaction was to strike back, BUT then, I read your post……WOW!
You encouraged me to choose a blessing today, and save myself the emotional turmoil of trying to prove myself right, and reminded me that everything I do and say tells a story of whom I serve. It is my choice to rely on the power of the Holy Spirit
within me, or give in to the ways of the enemy. The choice is mine. Thank you, too, for the prayer you included, ” ….please give me the strength to not retaliate, but instead to react based on YOUR Truth.” Thank you !
I will focus on waking up each morning, praising God and talking with Him before anything else fills my mind or misleads my heart. When I set my sight on the Lord, whatever challenge, pain or misunderstanding may arise, I am more capable of hearing the Spirit’s direction and of feeling His strength. Instead of dwelling in the situation and depending on my own understanding, I will turn quickly to the Father, the only mediator whose wisdom and mercy has no end, and find peace as He guides me and helps me love and praise through it all. Joy always comes as we pray and praise through all our frustration, confusion, tears, and thoughts. He is with us and if we have that conference call first thing, as soon as we face the day, the more invested I will be in His plans…the more I will mirror Him and show His love, no matter what I am given in return. God is good!
Timely post for me, as Lysa’s always are! Just last week I chose to take the “high road” rather than the path that would have 1) explained my actions to another, 2) “justified” why my way was the right one (!), and 3) would have been much easier for me to do than what I ended up choosing to do. However, just as Lysa experienced, when I chose to “die to myself” and MY desires/wants/needs, the Lord really spoke to me…two very direct confirmations that that was what He wanted me to do. Then, the day of the event this refers to, He not only poured out his joy and fulfillment on me, but also provided the help I didn’t even think I”d need, through the unexpected and unasked for help of someone who gave so generously just out of the kindness of her heart. Thank you, Lord, and thank you, Lysa…you both work so well together! 🙂
My former best friend has slowly dissolved our relationship over the last year and finally manufactured a ‘fight’ to end the whole thing. My heart is just broken. I am doing every thing I can not to lash out or respond in any inappropriate way, just taking it to God and praying for relief and wisdom and kindness and healing.
You have been such a inspiration to me in my walk with Christ. I recently rededicated my life to Christ and so happy I did. I been everything in my past, you name it I probably did it. I know now that I am a walking testimony. I have done both of your Unglued Bible studies on the you version Bible app. The Unglued and the Unglued challenge. I want your book so bad. I am so eager to get closer to God and the holy spirit. These devotionals that come to my email are a beautiful inspiration and they help me so much, I already love reading the word, but your devotionals and blogs make me wanna read my Bible so much more. My home life isn’t all that great only because my father whom I take care of with my two kids is bitter and angry all the time. Its like living with the devil literally while trying to follow God, it gets overwhelming at times but it’s blogs and Bible studies and devotionals like yours that allow me to breath and exhale and breath in the holy spirit to get me through my days. I love and admire you. Thank you so much. Keep going!!!!
God bless!!!!
A boy scout troop was walking by. My son, a Cub Scout, merely pointed out that fact, and one of the scouts made a sarcastic comment to my son. I wanted SO bad to call that kid out for not being very ‘scout-like’ and make him feel small, like he tried to make my son feel. It still bothers me 2 hours later……..but I bit my tongue. It’s hard to control the ‘mama-bear’ feelings when someone tries to hurt your kid.
I, too have been terribly hurt by my daughter. I do not seek to “be in the right” as I honestly don’t know what is wrong. She has refused to speak to me for two years, after me reaching out to her many times. Her siblings as well as her grown children are concerned about her actions as well. I know I cannot change her as she is responsible for herself and I encourage other family members to stay in contact with her. I love her unconditionally however, I’m ashamed to admit, I don’t like her very much right now. I want to thank you for your my web site which has given me some peace. I want to follow the simple and beautiful teachings of Jesus but am struggling to do it. I have to continually think before speaking. I do not deliberately try to hurt other’s feelings but I know I say things to a friend regarding another person and then berate myself later for doing it. I really need help with this. Yes it takes a lot of hard work but I want to be known as a good person.
Hello Lysa: I think we have a mutual friend….Deb Blackstone. Doesn’t your husband work at Chic-fil-a? (not too sure of that spelling) I told her one day that I had found a neat website by Lysa TerKeurst and it was then she told me your husband worked at Chic-fil-a and that you were his wife….small world~I enjoy reading your anecdotes!
In regard to your book, “Unglued” I am in dire need….Mom is 89, lives with us and sometimes drives me nuts. I love her, but she has dementia and does the craziest things, and I might add, repetitively. I am an only child with no sisters or brothers to help out. My Dad is
in the nursing home here in Hiawassee, Ga. Please help me keep what little sanity I have
by reading your book!!! Just kidding, but I do need help and your book looks like the ticket to me!
Regards,
Judy Hays
Hiawassee, Ga.
After experiencing a betrayal this week, I have been exhausted with emotion and a sense of “they are wrong” and “shouldn’t someone confront him and defend me?” So, I wrote a long letter telling him exactly how I felt, and just how wrong he is. I never planned on sending the letter, it was meant to get it al, out of my system, however, a part of me wanted to send it and that’s NOT the answer. The bib,e tells me a soft answer turns away wrath and a foolish man uttereth all that is within his heart but a wise man holds his peace until the matter is all layed out. So, when I read this blog, I knew God had sent me direction (and a little scolding) to take it all and place it where it needs to be – at the foot of the cross, covered by His grace, and NOT in outgoing mail.
I needed to read this today. After dealing with emotionally abusive and manipulative family members, constantly feeling like I need to “prove” myself to be right… thank you.
This brought so much light into a situation I am having with one of my daughters!
I hope I’m not too late! I’m a new fan, a group of women from my church are going through The Best Yes and I just started following your page as well. I can totally relate to your blog today. The urge I have to prove I’m right sometimes (most times) takes over. And it’s funny, because it isn’t even satisfying once it happens! I kind of feel bad about it. Funny how that happens. I pray about it and sometimes find the strength God gives me to bite my tongue and let things go, even with the hurt. I am hoping to receive a copy of your book to better equip myself in the midst of these situations I find myself in. Thank you for your wonderful gift of words!
I am working on taking the high road in my thought life when negative or critical thoughts come of my teammates. I combat these thoughts with Bible verses on loving others.
Thank you for this e-mail. Sometimes it helps to know I am not the only one that struggles. I am homeschooling my kids in a rural community, my in-laws opinions always make me angry and I want to be reactive instead of responding in God’s truth. I am working on calming my tone and dealing with things before they build up and I bite back like a snake who has been repeatedly poked. I thank God for loving me for who he made me and for the responsibilities of mothering two beautiful kids and standing in the truth of His word. His opinions matter more than others and am thankful for the new grace He gives me everyday. Thank you for standing in God’s truth:-)
We have been in a spiritual battle…the enemy has sought to bring us down…keeping ourselves routed in Gods Word, good counsel and holding ourselves accountable to other Christians has helped us persevere. Job woes, international adoption, finances, raising a family…all the way up to our nations spiritual issues all are pressing in until we remember who is in charge….he has our back and when we choose love….oh my, it just changes everything!
Walking in love is tough….but the benefits for those around us in huge. And to our enemies….it is like heaping coals on their heads…keep that visual picture and pour out the love. It wil change our world.
I will pause – taking time to consider my words before speaking.
Your blog post was just what I needed to read today. Taking the high road is one of my weaknesses. I will choose to not allow my feelings to be hurt and focus on the positive and turning the situation around in order to better serve God.
The high road is SO hard!! I want to be right, or justify myself all the time!! I’ve learned to bite my tongue until it bleeds…but that doesn’t make it any easier! Great reminder about not needing to be right all the time. I also like the reminder that it isn’t necessary to keep people like that in our lives, allowing them to cause additional frustration. I need to remember that!
Thank you for this testimony and sharing these Biblical Truths. I recently failed, miserably in this area. A close relative sent me a hateful text and said some wrong and terrible things about me. Not only to me but to other family members, as well. I was very wounded and angry. I felt like I needed to defend myself and penned a righteous email response…not hateful, but setting the recorf straight.
Guess what? It backfired and as soon as I sent the email I was regretful.
The Lord was quick to whisper in my heart that I shoul ask for an apology and forgive.
At first, I felt like the apology and forgiveness would mean I was wrong in the first place, but that was not the case. I had been wronged but then acted on my feelings instead of what I knew was the correct response…forgive and move on. Even though the initial words stung and hurt.
The hardest thing of all was that the apology was rejected and criticized as a ploy to manipulate.
This time I didn’t take the “bait stick” and forgave silently and ignored the rest, knowing that doing nothing was the best course of action.
The hurt still stings, but the love og my Heavenly Father is more healing than I imagined. And the forgiveness is still there working and blessing me…AND the other person.
I have been here a short time in this new place, don’t really know anyone. i meant a christian lady who started out nice and I really thought she was going to be a wonderful friend that God had sent. That didn’t last long at all, she quit calling or texting and when I would call or text her, she no longer had time, I was and am truly hurt by this. But, I continue to be there for her, her FIL passed away and have tried to be there for her. I will continue to do so, even if she dosen’t want to.
Oh, how this blessed my heart! Taking the high road is so difficult even when we realize that this is TRULY what our GOD desires! I find it so easy to get on my knees at the altar and receive God’s amazing Grace, but when it comes to being personally attacked it’s so hard to extend that same grace. This week I found myself discouraged by memories and mistreatment from the past that resulted from someone very close to me. When I was placed in a situation in which this person confronted me with things from the past… I was hurt and angry. I wanted to make the person feel the same way. Instead, I chose to remember the amazing morning just days prior when I was on me knees at the altar, covered in grace… the same grace that I showed that day.
I’ve been trying to take the high road for the last year by not calling my daughter-in-law, (recently ex-), and telling her exactly what I think of her and the way that she practically destroyed my son over the last year-and-a-half. I’m getting there, but it’s still hard. We live in a small town and I occasionally see her out-and-about with her ‘boyfriend’ – i.e. – ‘adulterous partner-in-crime’. She still hangs her head and can’t look me in the eye, so that really tells me all I need to know, but it’s hard when your child has been hurt by someone’s selfish, uncaring acts. I thank God that I know that He will send my son a loving, caring, Christian woman to love and to help repair the hurt & pain that his ex- has caused him.
I can’t tell you how much I NEEDED to hear this today. Such an answer to prayer. I need to read your book apparently! Thank you for sharing 🙂
Great post! More importantly a great reminder to me during this stressful period of life. So, in response to your question, I am making a very deliberate choice to not act out negatively towards my husband and kids. With God, I am choosing to show love in times that it is not easy for me. (Eeek! This is hard to admit/post.)
This is my first day here on your blog. I too have problems coming unglued. After it reaching the highest level it had ever been a few weeks ago, I tried taking my life. I have since started talking to a counselor, keeping a journal and reading my Bible. I do feel better, but I know I have a long way to go and I’m taking one day at a time. Please keep me and others like me in your prayers.
I just finished your book “unplugged “!!! I loved it! Your a very amazing Godly woman that I see how God is using your gifts! Life experiences and REAL! If your reading this and you haven’t read this book….. Get it, share it, and enjoy! Thanks
By simply keeping my mouth shut. Sometimes saying nothing at all is the best thing to do.
This book is great. It applies to every facet of life. I read it before and i think it’s time to read it again. I’d love another copy to gift to a friend. Its one of the top ten books I’ve read in my lifetime. Thanks Lysa.
Help me Lord to be kind, etc. Gal 5:22
My husband and I are having some problems. We had a 5 day trip planned for this week which we’ll go ahead and take since it’s all paid for. I’ll be taking the high road in how I interact with him on the trip. No matter what the future holds for us, I can choose to always be kind.
I’ll do my best to hold my tongue & pray before responding to people this week…
This post spoke to my heart as I’m currently facing a similar issue. I took time to write down the Scripture from Colossians about forgiveness, and the post reminds me of a part of Unglued where you say that forgiveness is mandatory but reconciliation is optional. Knowing that forgiveness is not only Godly, but healing for my soul, comforted me and allowed me to forgive others while safeguarding my heart from the pain by denying those whom I’ve forgiven access to hurt me in the future. This thought alone is powerful in moments when I’m faced with taking the high road or stooping low.
Today I will focus on things that really matter. I will breathe life into those that need Christ, hope, restoration and love.
We are called to love unconditionally, so I will look beyond someone’s faults knowing I, too, have faults and would want the same in return.
This came at a perfect time. We have faced alot this year and yet are so crazy blessed with wonderful things that only God can give us and still I find myself almost envious of silly things and that makes me crazy. As soon I I think something tacky or pself pity party like I immediately feel guilty. It is like a vicious cycle. Thank goodness for God’s word and great Christian sites like this where I can read and reflect. 🙂
I just love the way all your posts seem to tie in together. This post reminds me of 5 things to ask yourself before posting on social media, as well as 5 encouraging things to say to a friend today. This really made me think about myself when I’m talking with someone. Often I find myself with a desire to start an argument and be mean…but now I am reminded of your words and advice which leads me to choose the high road and speak kindness.
I won’t come unglued when the manager at work becomes condasending, and goes on a power trip. Instead I will strive to react to her in love, hard as it might be.
I’m new to the site and have found such encouragement in your words at a time of great need. My husband and I are going through a rough time in our marriage. We can’t seem to communicate lately. This week I hope to really hear what he says and ask questions instead of reacting with harsh, defensive words. Thank you for the reminder to love and forgive others as Jesus loves and forgives me.
Dearest Lysa
Last year my daughter was in a bad way. My grandchildren were being neglected. Their father was working to get custody until she got better. During third time I signed papers stating she was unable to care for them.. I was terribly worried they would accidently lose their life…
I was promised I would never be removed from their live and now it’s been 10mon since they’ve been allowed for visits. My oldest grandchild is suffering with this tremendously. She doesn’t understand why she can’t come visit and is growing weary. She has terrible nightmare that I’ve been killed and her mother has as well. I prayed often before signing these papers and I felt that God had spoke to me one night. So I thought I did the right thing. Well now my faith is starting to fade. I live my God..I know he’s there, but I can’t find him through the pain, can you please pray for my babies, myself and my faith in my Father! I feel so broken and worthless without my faith. I find it hard to pray and to believe in my prayers being answered. I NEED HELP DESPERATELY! Can you please pray for my soul and for my babies, I need all the help anyone can offer!!
Hi
I’m excited that I visited this site, I received the invitation from the radio this evening. I’m committing to take the high road as I’m communicating with the new staff at my disabled dtr’s new group home. My Dtr and I have been awaiting a new company which will manage the new Grp home. Her current (previous) placement became unsafe as one of Her peers past away in Jan. 2015 from neglect. So my Dtr has been home with me, it’s not like I can afford it Im a single mother of an adult disabled child since birth whom is deteriorating neurologically. In debt up to my eyeballs from keeping her home but it’s only money What is that if your child is not safe. Ok, Im going to take the high road? I’m educated in the health field so I have certain standards when it comes to my dtr’s care . What mother would not. But communicating my wants and needs what’s best for my Dtr seems to be as if I’m speaking a foreign language to direct care staff, that make minimum wage and there seems to be extreme lack of work ethic. So how to communicate with care givers. I’ve been accused of being condescending and intimidating which is definitely not my intent.. I’ve really been praying about this exact topic for days now weeks how I’m going to communicate exactly what my non-verbal dtr’s needs are with the staff not feeling intimidated or disrespected with my basic facts and passionate for my dtr’s benefit. Which I truly don’t see it but I’ve been told that staff is intimidated by me. I have to add as I text this I don’t feel that I’m even talking about myself. Because I see myself as a loving big hearted kind fun loving person. It’s a fact that the system has a long ways to go to meet my standards ! So I’m really perplexed about all this impending explaining that is necessary and requested of me. So the high road. I’m not going to force the issue when I’m right even tho I am and my way works best I’m going to step aside (as long as it’s not life threatening) and by Gods Grace and Mercy give them a fair chance to see how they implement the information I provide! I realize there is 100 or more ways to cross a room. So I’m hoping to be excited to allow this new company to prove themselves and come along beside them and be a team player. It just seems, me being who I am as a Christian with values morality integrity and work ethic that people are put off by what I stand for. So I’m challenging myself to completely let the Lord lead in this situation. Because I think it’s important that we stand for our values But at the same time honor others .. So the high road for me Is completely relying on the Lord as I speak my prayer is that no matter what comes out of my human carnal nature mouth that the Lord by His spirit will allow it to fall on their ears softly with the intent that I have to advocate for my dependent precious child And lead people to CHRIST. It’s a wonderful opportunity for ministry . So to God be the Glory as I submit myself to the higher road the Good Lord guiding leading and holding my hand Because only in Him will I succeed His will His way ..
A bit wordy I don’t have the time to go back over this comment
I apologize for the length
Thank you for the opportunity to comment
Twinda
Choosing to hold my tongue and not complain.
I will pray and not say a word out loud in reaction. Thanks for the giveaway.
I have a tendency to want to manipulate people or situations when they don’t go my way by making a point to pout or make it known with my body language that I am hurt, but I am choosing to watch my attitude and just make an effort to let God defend me.
The fact that you can admit this, about a “tendency to manipulate people”, is proof that you are not so prideful to admit your faults and because of this fact, God can do something about it. Most people could never admit what you have- And God can’t fix it until we admit we have a problem. God has much in store for you, Carol. Bless your heart. I’ll be praying for you. 🙂
Lisa,
What a great reminder. In our human-ness, we want to lash out and be right! But, does that really get us anywhere? In a month, it won’t matter usually, but with the Lord, every motive and action matters. When are we going to just get it and respond appropriately.
Such a great word! This week I choose to take the high road against my husband’s ex wife’s comments that are constantly made about our marriage and new son. My verse I declare is: If God is for us who dare can be against us. I speak this with every interaction, and each time I want to give her a piece of my mind in retaliation.
I am just learning and will make a lot of mistakes. I am going to begin by praying and getting closer to God and learning what his will is and reading the bible more. This is what I’m going to do to start changing my perspective and I know it probably won’t happen overnight, but we do have a God of miracles.
Thank-you for taking the time to read this. I had fun.
I will choose the high road by not allowing myself to react rudely due to someone else’s disrespectful words to me.
I, too, struggle with the emotional energy expended on trying to share my point of view or persuade others of my view or experience. Part of what God was speaking to me about today was that forgiveness can be extended but that doesn’t mean that healthy boundaries are not mine to establish and hold. This week I will say yes to my grown daughter, while being mindful of my desire to support her, while I forgive her as she spreads her wings of independence, while sometimes over-stepping in our relationship.
Hi there. This question is off topic but I would like to know what translation you are using for your “6 go to scriptures for craving”. Please forgive me; I wasn’t able to comment on that posting directly. I found these immensely helpful and am working towards memorizing the verse and reading the whole chapter around each one to get a better sense of the context. I am working on 1 Corinthians 10:13-14 and had some difficulty with the “stand up under it.” part. Any clarification would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your uplifting and inspiring work.
Pitcure the person sitting right with me.
I am choosing to pray for my friend and ask God to help me fully forgive her and give me love and understanding for her.
I’m on vacation at the beach this week with my husband, four young sons, niece and mom and the first night I was in a grumpy mood already. After some time alone with God and grumbling about not having any fun on this trip due to the constant and incessant demands of being a mom, I realized that God didn’t say this vacation was all about me. He didn’t say that MY wishes were His commands this week. I will take the high road this week by putting my selfish vacation ideals aside and making sure that my family is having the time of their lives
I just pulled my daughter out of our very small private school in our very small town where everybody knows everybody else’s business. She was being bullied for the past two school years in first and second grade by a small group of mean girls. Surprise, surprise, the mean girls have mean mommies too. I tried everything I could to help her: worked with the school admin, the teachers, called parents. Nothing worked. We finally just said, we give up. This isn’t worth it anymore and it was breaking our hearts to see her be hurt everyday. We started up at the local public school with just 4 weeks left in the school year. She was a completely different child in a week – so happy again and liked going to school again. She made new friends immediately. I couldn’t believe it took me so long not to do what I knew in my gut and my heart was best for her. I tried to stick it out because I didn’t want to quit. I didn’t want her to quit and I didn’t want the bullies to “win” It has been so hard to bite my tongue and not lash out at those girls and their mommies. To nod politely when they ask why we switched schools like they have no idea why we would want to leave. It has taken every ounce of self control not to go into “mama bear” mode and protect my child, to not say mean things to those girls, to not yell at their mothers. This week, on the last week of school, I had to stop by our old school to pick up some paperwork and the queen bee of the mean mommies was trying to play nice with me and ask about my daughter’s “new” school but in a really passive-aggressive way since clearly our new public school is not good enough for her. It took everything, and I mean every single bit of self control for me to not snap and say things I would regret later. I’m taking the high road. I’m teaching my daughter that she is stronger from this experience and not a victim. I’m also learning how to listen to my gut and not stick something out that isn’t working for my family just because it’s what everyone else is doing. To let it go. To teach my daughter by example to LET. IT. Go. It’s so hard.
I have walked the low road all my life. Shame, despair, failure, overweight, playing church, speaking Christian, and a bad marriage. I think the true high road (GOD) is the only road to walk. I need discipline, the “want to”, and God’s grace to give me courage, success, and grace to walk where I know I need to go. Praise God for Proverbs 31.
I will, by God’s grace, purpose to remain quiet, and tell the Lord in my mind, “I trust you Lord”.
OOOHHHHH this is HARD for me!!! I get fearful and try to make the other person change (this person is very close to me) by debating my case! I know I can stay quiet though, and trust the Lord to take care of things.
My husband and I are having issues with just giving snippy answers to each other over the least little things to the point that I don’t even want to speak, so guess that would be taking the high road? I’m at my wits end as to how to resolve the issues we are having. If this will help, I pray I am one of the winners….in our 60’s and running out of answers…just more questions!!
Taking the high road has got to be one of the toughest things to do spiritually. I’ve always taken pride in the fact that I can get along with anyone, even the worst of the worst as I imagine. Throughout my life and very recently, I’ve come across what I call “the one”. The one person amongst many for whatever reason I’m drawn to initially and find out that there is a spiritual war of sorts going on between us even though you wouldn’t know it to see it. I repeatedly try to take the high road when comments are thrown around or body language from “the one” would say otherwise and end up feeling frustrated, angry, and disgusted with myself and that person. I constantly say over and over in my head “what did I ever do to that person?” I imagine the worst case scenarios of why that person does not like me because I’m human. That’s when I have to take a step back and give it up to God. I’ve realized over the course of my life that God places people as such in our lives for a reason. We may not know the reason at the time. I often think it is to show us a side of our own personality we need to work on. Who knows! All I know is when people like this come into our lives and they do at some point, we need to look to God and pray. Pray that God has his hand on the situation and for strength to keep on the high road!! Hopefully down the road God’s purpose for bringing that person into our life is revealed somehow.
I chose to take the high road in a situation a couple of weeks ago, long before I read this post. It was hard, but the peace of God was with me. It was a situation that I was not in the least bit at fault, and with time and articulation, could have easily proved my side. However, God gave me the wisdom to realize that the time and emotional stress (turmoil, as Art ministered to you) that it would cost me was not worth it. Since taking the high road, I have seen the opposition squirm in their seat, panicking, and trying desperately to make excuses for their behavior, only to make themselves seem even more silly.
I never desired for them to be embarrassed or ashamed. I only wanted them to realize the deep hurt that they caused me and to feel remorse for their actions. However, I have learned that when we back off and trust God to defend us rather than attempt to take things into our own hands, He has a way of working things out and bringing complete vindication to us.
And even if vindication doesn’t come in the way we wanted or expected, He will reward us with His peace- which is absolutely priceless.
I can keep my mouth shut, but not take thoughts captive and fret and fume about how I can’t trust my husband because he has disrespected me in the past and recently. I choose to forgive him and not come inglued in my mind with resentment and self pity. Rather bless him and remember I have in turn disrespected him. Oh, for grace my heart to soften.
My flesh wants so bad to be mean. To say the things that come into mind that would prove my point or state my case. Its even gratifying to my flesh when I let those words come… but afterword my soul feels crushed. The weight of the words we speak not only bring those around us into bad places, but it brings our heart from a place of peace and love that God desires to a place of confusion, turmoil and heartache. The high road is the road of peace. 1 Peter 2:20 “For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently? but if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God.” Everytime (which I pray will become ALL the time) I choose to take it patiently, God gives me that peace that surpasses all understanding. Try it and trust. I’m on my way and if I can do it through the power of Christ, anyone can.
You make a great point Rose. Sometimes its easier to keep quiet, but feels impossible to bring every thought captive to the mind of Christ. I have that issue too. I found that when I simply trust in Him to allow me to do so, it makes it so much easier. All we need is faith that the good shepherd will lead us into maturity, and the persistence and openness to let Him do so. Submission is the key… but so hard for me! Thanks for your comment. I’m not a computer person and have never posted anything before and its funny because you posted part of my heart as I was posting another comment. God bless.