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You don’t have to fight through your hurt alone.

January 9, 2019

There was someone I kept thinking about when writing my book, It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way.

This precious person kept my fingers, sometimes flying, sometimes trembling, still clicking the keys until they became pages of words.

She was worth wrestling through my tangled thoughts until they finally flowed like a healing balm for the hurting heart. She was on the top of my mind during all those whispered prayers, “show me how to understand this and teach this, God.” And who was this beautiful soul?

You.

You don’t have to fight through your disappointments, tears, and unanswered questions alone.
That’s exactly why I want to invite you to be a part of the FREE study Proverbs 31 Online Bible Studies is doing of my new book, It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way starting on January 21st.

Register today and you’ll get:

• A free download of Mack Brock’s new single, “Into Dust,” inspired by the book.
• Automatically entered into a drawing to win a copy of the It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way audiobook.
• Exclusive access to the weekly teaching videos that accompany the It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way curriculum during the Online Bible Study.

You’ll be a part of an incredible community of women and learn biblical truths to get you through life’s hardest circumstances.

Find unexpected strength when you sign up to join us here.

 

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32 Comments
  1. Julie

    Great book

    Reply
    • Pat Thomas

      I was reading your chapter in your book this morning about the grog. So moving! It reminded me of a Bill Gaither song of long ago. Don’t know if you know it or not, but it is so fitting: “Something beautiful, something good, all my confusion He understood. All I have to offer Him is brokenness and strife, but He made something beautiful of my life.”
      I also read a devotional in Streams in the Desert this morning and immediately thought of you and all you’ve been through, how it has made no sense at times. We’ve all been there! This is what the devotional said,
      “A visitor at a school for the deaf and dumb was writing questions on the blackboard for the children. By and by he wrote this sentence: “Why has God made me to hear and speak and made you deaf and dumb?” The awful sentence fell upon the little ones like a fierce blow in the face. They sat palsied before that dreadful “Why?” And then a little girl arose. Her lip was trembling.. Her eyes were swimming with tears. Straight to the board she walked, and picking up the chalk wrote with firm hhand these precious words: “Even so, Father, for so it seemed good in thy sight!” What a reply! It reaches up and lays hold of an eternal truth upon which the matures believer as well as the youngest child of God may alike securely rest…the truth that God is Your Father!”
      This is such a good illustration of the truths shared in your book.

      Reply
  2. Trisha

    Lysa, I wish I knew the right words to express the deep and disappointing pain I experienced in my lifetime. Pain that I have struggled to overcome. In this last year I had an opportunity to serve in women’s ministry and in the midst of deep hurt I was willing to face my fear and serve in this long desired area. I love bible study and helping others who have been hurt. I shared my vulnerable heart with two women at church hoping that their love and encouragement would push me forward into the hands of Jesus but what happened was the icing on what was already a broken painful season. They took advantage of my circumstances and behind my back took over the leadership role I was asked to do. I was weak and hurt so I humbly stepped aside. I tried reconciling, taking all the blame for what I may have done wrong with no response. My pastor encouraged me not to quit but I have lost so much that I am simply unable to endure any more rejection. They wanted control so who am I to fight for it? I trust that if the Lord wanted me in that role I would be there. I have sought counsel, prayed, and cried until I was empty of tears. I’ve endured a hurricane, empty nest that included rejection and the loss of a close relationship with my daughter, the rejection of a promotion, the death of a dream and now the loss of my church. I sit quietly in my unfinished home waiting and praying for normal to return. What am I doing wrong? And why am I unable to discern Gods voice? I’m a bible study, quiet time, loving Jesus kind a girl. Filled with hope that someday He will use my story for His glory….yet I’m so far in the pit of dispair I can’t see. I’m still fighting for victory and pray that someday my life will be filled with His plan for me. I’m looking forward to this study. Thank you for using your gift. I have received much healing and perspective through all your books. I prayed for you when you broke the news of your marriage and I praised the Lord when you reunited.

    Reply
    • Trudy

      My heart aches for you, Trisha. Thank you for sharing your pain. It makes other hurting souls feel less alone. God is already using your story for His glory as you vulnerably share your heart. I pray you may be given hope, healing, and freedom in Jesus! Do you have a blog? Love and blessings to you!

      Reply
    • Kristina

      I read your story and I totally get you. Compassion & Agape love are gifts from GOD, but empathy is earned. I once learned that the number 40 represents testing from GOD, and the number 10 represents persecution/trials from the devil. I’m here to tell you having lived both, YEP! I’ve had 40 wilderness years and these last ten have been TRULY unbearable. I’ve been dealt much the same hand as you, lest the empty nest, but the rejection, OH BOY! Can I relate. So, here is what GOD showed me. After studying the Old Testament, backward and forward innumerable amount of time these past six years, (I did the 1st 21 yrs of my walk mostly in the NT) GOD sets apart certain individuals and sticks them in a fiery furnace of affliction because He has a might work for them to do. The longer the time, the hotter the fire the bigger and more critical is the work. I took comfort in learning everything there is to know about the ones in the OT that GOD set apart. Examples, Jacob, Leah, Joseph, Moses, David, to name a few, but Rizpah, she’s my favorite. So, sit yourself down on Rizpah’s mat and look her up. Hint 2 Samuel 21. Don’t just read her story, research the entire background and what came of her dedication and faithfulness, and stubborn spirit to hold her ground. She’ll be featured in my 8th and LAST book.
      My sister, GOD whispers to you, while the devil screams at you. Learn to hear the whisper and ignore the yelling. The ONLY way to do that is to memorize some of the precious Scriptures of the Old. There is a HUGE treasure box that is rarely opened up, and gems like no one can believe. I found them in the OLD, also going to be featured. Until then, feel free to contact me, because we are sisters, sister! Look me up on Facebook, twitter or just google Kristina L. Allen, eventually I’ll pop up! I have blogged my story & my stories and struggles, much like David did, as they were happening, From the Valley; Looking UP! (It is out of print for the time being, all my books are. It’s not my time, yet.)
      GOD bless you my dear sister and HANG ON!

      Reply
    • Chelsea

      Dear sister, I hear your pain and God does too. Remember that a good life does not equal God’s presence and hardships do not mean God has removed His hand from you. There is more coming, seek God during this time. Wait for God to promote you like He did Joseph. Expect in hope, that the Lord will change you through these trials, to be more like him. In love and hope – Chelsea

      Reply
  3. Bill Rhodes

    I Purchased this book and I suppose joined the class. Since then I want the book, but not the classes persay. I am an older male and from what I read , the classes are actually for women. Every thing I have read that Mrs TerKeurist has written had great meaning for me. A Favorite teacher and writer for sure.
    Bill Rhodes

    Reply
  4. Vickie Wilson

    Love to sign up but you did not leave a link on your email.

    Reply
  5. Leticia Tiemann

    Thank you for blessing me with this book.

    Reply
  6. Cheri N Karkalits

    This book was right timing for me. I took it to the mountains and devoured it while calling out to our Lord. It was a gift from God to you and me and many others finding ourselves in need of a potter to make something new out of these ashes!! God Bless you. I have been following your journey and you are NOT alone.

    Reply
  7. Trudy

    I signed up, Lysa. 🙂 I am about halfway into your book, and it has been so encouraging to my heart. Thank you for sharing your pain vulnerably and pointing us to hope in Jesus. I’m looking forward to following this study. Love and blessings to you!

    Reply
  8. Lisa Phillips

    I’m looking forward to this study and hope that others in my church can find some meaning in your book as well.

    Reply
  9. Kristy

    Read chapter 7 today. 3 years and I’m so tired…insert half hearted chuckle… try 22.

    Blow after blow. Disappointment after disappointment.
    Intense loss after intense loss.

    The lump in my throat burst open. The guttural cry let loose. I am not alone. And yet my heart remains so very broken.

    Thankful for your words. For Gods presence.

    Reply
  10. Nancy Beck

    We’re so excited at our church. We will begin the Bible Study, It Not Suppose To Be This Way on Wednesday evening, January 16th. We are really looking forward to meeting you through your video and your book. We have approximately 20 women signed up.
    I’ve been reading… it is wonderful. ( I will never look at dust the same way again). May God bless you as you continue to minister to His daughters).

    Reply
  11. Sylvia

    Lysa, I just finished reading your book, and I truly believe every line you wrote was for me. I am in the midst of a desperate situation in my marriage. My husband of almost 21 years has made it clear that he no longer wishes to be married to me, and for the last 13 months, we have lived as roommates. Like you, I have prayed, cried, and even got in my car a few times and parked in an isolated area and screamed to the top of my lungs. However, I have also found solace in the presence of the Father and in reading His word. Last year (2018) was one of the worst years of my life, but because of God’s love and spending quiet time (more than ever before) with Him, and studying His word, it was also one of the best years of my life. I totally relate to feeling the love, peace, and joy of God but still having moments when I feel like I’m going to fall apart. The moments can be excruciating, but because of His love and your story, they’ve become more bearable and less frequent. Today, I’m having a moment, but after reading this post, I know I will get through it. From my heart to yours, thank you for writing this story for me.

    Reply
  12. Pat Caudle

    Not a comment – how do I know if I’m signed up for the next study
    “It’s not supposed to be this way”, I have rec’d the book and I thought I was to receive notification when I registered on fb.
    I want to be ready for the study

    Reply
  13. Brandy

    First I want to say that I have read the first chapter atleast twice and I reread and write the words speaking right to me and so relatable as if you are telling my story. I am a single mother of 4 kids ranging from 18-4. My life has been a journey. Some of the same similarities as you such as not being loved as a child (told daily how ugly I was by my step dad while my mother didn’t care because he had money, physical abuse beyond that’s beyond most peoples comprehension, my very best friend died at the age of 15, who loved God and told me about Him when I had never been to church. A few months before she died we were laying in my bed and she ask me if I believed in God. I pointed to the precious moment picture hanging on the wall that had the prayer written, Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep, You know the rest, and I responded I pray that every night. I could see her heart so sad for me but she didn’t have the words at that time for me to comprehend. After her car wreck, the night she and I were suppose to be together but I chose to do something else, and she was gone. My mind could not comprehend that I would never see my best friend ever again. Her sister and mother told me that she (my friend) prayed and cried for me a lot. She could not get me off of her heart. She was a 15 year old that would get up an hour early to read her bible who loved God with all of her heart. After so many bad decisions because of not knowing what love was, not thinking I deserved love, and believing every lie my step dad ever told me I believe through her prayers were answered by God. I go to counseling now and I have to relive the abuse I never remembered, I can openly say that after being forced to have an abortion that I felt like it killed my soul. My body actually was raised that night and I was actually looking down on my physical self and I that moment I truly believed I was evil and my soul left me. Fastforward past so many bad decisions over and over again I had an episode on January 29th 2017. I went septic and almost died. Colon issues similar to the ones you have described yet different. Nobody but a few of my church family came and seen me. Nobody in my family. Since then this past August the pain began again and we have finally learned aftee having issues my whole life but never being diagnosed less than 8% of my colon works. I have 2 tumors on my liver that I have yet to have biopsied one being I’m scared and 2 being in a single mother of 4 kids and can’t afford to take off work. So now hear I am closer to God than I have ever been but longing for that approval from a man is a struggle. I know the truth but my fleshly desires wins every time. Like Paul I don’t do what I know God wants me to and I do what I am not suppose to. That’s not the actual quote but you get what I’m saying. I am asking You Lysa to please contact me, email me just something. I don’t want to experience all that I have and not use it for Gods glory. And one thing I failed to mention that my 18 year old has strayed. He was so close to God and I haven’t seen him since the Tuesday after thanksgiving when he cussed me out and left. I know the enemy is using my son to attach me. Every time I get close to God something happens and I turn and I pray I stay in His words believing His truths no matter what comes my way. But something in the first chapter you said that the devil wants to isolate us. That’s what I do. I get overwhelmed, anxious, not wanting to see anyone and I’m alone with my thoughts which is a scary thing some times. Sorry for this extremely long post but honestly this is just a tiny summary of my life with so many things not said. Thank you Lysa for your books and your honesty. Please If anyway if possible contact me.

    Reply
    • Lysa TerKeurst

      Hi friend!

      Thank you for sharing with us… you can email Lysa here:
      [email protected]

      Many blessings!
      – Mary Scott, LT Ministry Team

      Reply
  14. Brandy

    I posted a comment last night and I don’t see it. Is there a reason why?

    Reply
  15. Sylvia

    Hi, I posted a comment on Monday, 14 Jan. I just wanted to make sure you saw it. Thank you!

    Reply
  16. Chris

    Dear Lysa (and Proverbs 31 staff),
    As a man, I’ve drawn so much wisdom from…and God has granted me understanding of myself…through your vulnerability and obedience with this incredible ministry. I know, I know…why is a MAN studying from a women’s ministry? Simple. I live in Cincinnati Ohio, and as a father of 9 (yep nine…and no we don’t want a reality show), as a husband, and as a US Marine, I’ve been an ‘Unglued’ man (and sometimes still am) for a long time. I have read/listened to your book/audio book “Unglued: Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions” several times, and I am SO thankful to Jesus for all of you. My life has been one raw challenge after another including a divorce I didn’t want or ask for, a wife who is emotionally shattered, ex-spouses (of my wife and I) bent on actually harming our now family, thousands of dollars stolen from our bank account(s), what seems like endless court battles for custody and the hearts of my oldest 4 children, and a brand new beautiful baby boy who has deformed feet and Down (Up) Syndrome. Honestly, I feel like I have failed so much and so often…and reached the end of my rope…and that it is exactly where God wants me. Like the good King Josiah…I was alarmed, but resolved to take my challenges before God and seek his face and his counsel. I laugh when people say “God won’t give you more than you can handle”…to that I say “Ha!” and “No!” I believe God has led me to a place in my life where I MUST rely on him to get through…that ONLY he can save me. And honestly, through your message of encouragement in ‘Unglued’, I learned that I am both stuffer and exploder…and that I have to choose to be vulnerable and take my thoughts captive, and command those thoughts to be obedient to the authority of Jesus. Sweet friend Lysa, I am so grateful that God has restored your heart and marriage…and you and Art give me hope. Hope that I can love unconditionally as the Father has loved me…that with him I can love without expectation, and that others will say “Now look here. That guy has been walking with Jesus!” Please pray for my wife. Pray that her broken heart be restored. Pray that her broken emotions be healed. Pray that even though she feels God does not protect her and has allowed all of this hurt in her life (she often says ‘why would a loving father let his daughter go through these things if he has the power to protect her, to rescue her’) that she will learn to trust God, fully…and completely. My beautiful bride often wonders what paths her life COULD have taken…or if she missed something…because “It’s not supposed to be this way”… You, dear friend, have helped me truly and honestly to know that no matter what gets heaped on my path…there is only ONE path for me…and it leads straight to Jesus. Thank you for answering the call. Thank you for your insight. Thank you for being a blessing. I hope to meet you in Cincinnati when you come in February 2019.

    Reply
  17. Heidi

    These last 5 months have been the hardest of my life. My husband of 15 years announced that he no longer wanted to be married. I would be okay if it was just me, but we have 3 young boys (12, 10, and 7). I am learning to let go and let God take control. I have also come to the realization today that had this happened at any other time in my marriage it would have been extremely more difficult. I am blessed with an amazing job and atmosphere of working with mostly strong Christians, and I am blessed beyond measure financially to be able to care for me and my three boys. While I would rather not have had this separation in my marriage, I am realizing that God is using this time to realign me with Him. There does seem to be glimmers of hope: my husband goes to counseling, still attends church with us, and has yet to move anything out.

    I cried my way through your book and was so thankful that someone could put my thoughts and feelings into words. I like to be in control and God is showing me that when my life is turned to dust there is nothing I can do. I am also doing the Job bible study on the First 5 app and I have to be honest that I many days I truly understand the way that Job felt. The not knowing when this will all end is extremely difficult.

    I am using this time for me. Over the last 15 years I have put my focus on my husband and my children. I still focus on my children, but at night after they go to bed (at 7:30) I have many hours to myself (a blessing and curse). I will be starting a growth group through my church in the next couple of weeks where we will be studying your book. I am hoping that by helping others see what I have learned I can find more healing and a purpose for my pain.

    I truly hope that in the end my husband will find his way back to me and our family.

    Reply
  18. Chris Hammond

    Dear Lysa (and Proverbs 31 staff),
    As a man, I’ve drawn so much wisdom from…and God has granted me understanding of myself…through your vulnerability and obedience with this incredible ministry. I know, I know…why is a MAN studying from a women’s ministry? Simple. I live in Cincinnati Ohio, and as a father of 9 (yep nine…and no we don’t want a reality show), as a husband, and as a US Marine, I’ve been an ‘Unglued’ man (and sometimes still am) for a long time. I have read/listened to your book/audio book “Unglued: Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions” several times, and I am SO thankful to Jesus for all of you. My life has been one raw challenge after another including a divorce I didn’t want or ask for, a wife who is emotionally shattered, ex-spouses (of my wife and I) bent on actually harming our now family, thousands of dollars stolen from our bank account(s), what seems like endless court battles for custody and the hearts of my oldest 4 children, and a brand new beautiful baby boy who has deformed feet and Down (Up) Syndrome. Honestly, I feel like I have failed so much and so often…and reached the end of my rope…and that it is exactly where God wants me. Like the good King Josiah…I was alarmed, but resolved to take my challenges before God and seek his face and his counsel. I laugh when people say “God won’t give you more than you can handle”…to that I say “Ha!” and “No!” I believe God has led me to a place in my life where I MUST rely on him to get through…that ONLY he can save me. And honestly, through your message of encouragement in ‘Unglued’, I learned that I am both stuffer and exploder…and that I have to choose to be vulnerable and take my thoughts captive, and command those thoughts to be obedient to the authority of Jesus. Sweet friend Lysa, I am so grateful that God has restored your heart and marriage…and you and Art give me hope. Hope that I can love unconditionally as the Father has loved me…that with him I can love without expectation, and that others will say “Now look here. That guy has been walking with Jesus!” Please pray for my wife. Pray that her broken heart be restored. Pray that her broken emotions be healed. Pray that even though she feels God does not protect her and has allowed all of this hurt in her life (she often says ‘why would a loving father let his daughter go through these things if he has the power to protect her, to rescue her’) that she will learn to trust God, fully…and completely. My beautiful bride often wonders what paths her life COULD have taken…or if she missed something…because “It’s not supposed to be this way”… You, dear friend, have helped me truly and honestly to know that no matter what gets heaped on my path…there is only ONE path for me…and it leads straight to Jesus. Thank you for answering the call. Thank you for your insight. Thank you for being a blessing. I hope to meet you in Cincinnati when you come in February 2019.

    Reply
  19. Jeanne Gammon

    I have registered twice but haven’t received anything by email. I have already purchased the book from another source. I’m not sure how to proceed with the online study. Please help.

    Reply
    • Lysa TerKeurst

      Hey Jeanne! Make sure to check your spam folder – a lot of times the email will end up in that folder if your email is not used to receiving emails from the source. If you are still having issues, please email [email protected].
      Thanks!
      – Mary Scott, LT Ministry Team

      Reply
  20. Cammie

    Thank you for being real and honest in the midst of a very raw place. I have been there and experienced the miracle of a marriage reborn. My heart ached with you and soared with you. This past year has been a messy middle for me. God very clearly asked my husband and I to try for one more child at the beginning of 2018. I was 46 and we knew it would take a miracle at that age…one year and 2 miscarriages later, we know we heard him clearly, but have struggled thru the muck and mire of painful loss since. I do not know why he has allowed and even called us to this painful place, but I do know he is leading us through it. My mantra of why has slowly been replaced with ‘by your will and by your grace I will simply be’. Your book has brought comfort in a very difficult year. Thank you.

    Reply
  21. Lori

    Just finished your book. I want to start over and read it again. So much good stuff in there to help encourage us to keep looking to the Lord when the struggles of life come our way. You are an amazing woman Bless you and Art for fighting for your marriage when the world is screaming for you to do something else. Thank you for sharing your story.

    Reply
  22. Easy -

    Great book

    Reply
  23. Go Ear

    Great book

    Reply
  24. Myra

    Does anyone read these?

    I’m reading the book, on chapter 3. Read about Lysa’s intense pain due to colon. Questioning God and learning His silence wasn’t silence at all.

    I want to keep this short so i won’t give all the details. I watched my 4 year old daughter suffer through excruciating pain for 2 1/2 years as she fought cancer. At times i begged God to help the nurse find a vein only to watch them try 3, 4, 5 more times while holding down my child screaming in terror. I wasn’t asking for a cure just a simple vein access. God was silent. Can’t see how that made any difference. She died 2 years ago.

    Your book and study are helping me and i’m determined to cling to Him but this part of my story is so difficult to reconcile.

    Reply
  25. Kim Straw

    Can anyone tell me anything about the music that plays to transition into and out of the chapters in the, “It’s Not Supposed To Be This Way” DVD? It sounds familiar, but we just can’t place it and have not been able to find any information on the DVD or in the study kit. ❤️🙏🏻

    Reply
  26. Sue Fouse

    Lysa,
    I heard about this book in our Bible Study last week. I just finished it 3 days later. I love your willingness to share how pain really feels and your ability to show us truth. His truth in these situations. We’re currently studying Max Lucado’s book Unshakable Hope. You have given me great insight to share with my Bible Study ladies. Especially about prayer, the evil one, compassion, and fear. I figured out I am resisting God’s plan for me because of fear. Now that I recognize that, I will be working to change my self talk, stay in the Word, and go forth. Looking forward to hearing you in December!

    Reply
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