How do we navigate relationships with those who have hurt us or continue to pull us into dysfunction?

Sign up to receive a free and helpful 3-day devotional called 

Stop Dancing With Dysfunction: 3 Days to Setting Better Boundaries today!

 

l

Watch the Release Day Live Event Replay!

November 14, 2018

Wow… what an amazing night we had together celebrating the release of It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way! Thank you for all of the love, support, and prayers as we launched this book out into the world.

If you missed the live event, here is the replay you can watch now!



If the video player isn’t visible in your email, click here to watch.

Here are links to some of the things we talked about:

Purchase your copy of It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way
Listen to worship music by Mack Brock
Learn more about my counselor Jim Cress and find a Christian counselor in your area
Onsite Workshops

After you watch the replay, I’d love to hear from you in the comments below… what resonated most deeply with your heart? And how can my team pray for you today with a hard thing you might be facing?

You May Also Like…
Stop Dancing With Dysfunction: 3 Days to Setting Better Boundaries

Stop Dancing With Dysfunction: 3 Days to Setting Better Boundaries

Do you ever feel like relationships are amazing ... until they're not? I understand this frustration.  Because the more deeply we are invested in someone, the more their choices affect us — emotionally, physically, mentally and financially. So how do we navigate...

The 5 Healing Perspectives You Need For Your Hurt or Heartbreak

The 5 Healing Perspectives You Need For Your Hurt or Heartbreak

Do you ever find yourself replaying and reliving the details of the deep hurt in your life? I understand. I’ve been there.  And whether you’ve experienced pain through an event or a collection of hurt that built over time because someone wasn’t who they were...

The Book I Didn’t Want to Write, But Desperately Needed

The Book I Didn’t Want to Write, But Desperately Needed

A million tears. One thousand hours of study. Countless days writing. One heart that didn’t think I could live this message. And a God that didn’t let me drown in my sorrow or give up. I'm grateful to finally get to show you the book that wouldn’t let me go and quite...

31 Comments
  1. Juanita Wyatt

    I purchased your book for my niece who his 37 years old and lost her husband this year at age 39 to a long battle with colon cancer. She’s doubting the love of GOD for her and her family even though she’s clung to his promises all her life. Please keep her in your prayers that she will once again truly believe and rely on the LOVE of GOD.

    Reply
  2. Cassi

    I watched live last night, and it was truly beautiful. I remember the day the blog post revealed your marriage crisis. My heart ached for you. Not even 7 months later, I would make the same discovery in my own marriage. I grieve with you, because is really wasn’t supposed to be this way. But I also thank God for you. I too, did not have anyone to walk me thru this process, and struggled with feeling so alone. Your words have offered such hope and strength. Thank you for your transparency, thank you for leaning into God and speaking His truth. I can’t adequately express how grateful I am.

    Reply
  3. Elizabeth

    I loved it all!! Too many good points! Pray for my husband and I. He told me he did not love me anymore and was not sure if he wanted to stay married after 17 years. I am going to counseling and he refuses. Last week I cried out to the Lord and my cousin feeling the silence from God. After I hung up the phone and checked my email, a blog post and the process before the promise was in my inbox. I knew God was not done yet. It is all in His timing and that he has got me. Some days are so very hard to deal with some easier. Thanks for prayers

    Reply
    • Jacque

      Oh. no. Im so so so so sorry for your pain and experience. I’m 28 and not married nor really had relationships, but I can speak from a child’s view as I watched my Mom go through it. My Dad went down a bad path and would torment all of us about ” how great the other woman was.” I hate you had to go through this. I pray for peace, strength, and healing. There is nothing wrong with YOU. you seem wonderful. It will get better. time and hindsight will heal. God can do miracles. who knows your miracle might be just around the corner! Proud of YOU

      Reply
  4. Carlyn

    LYSA–THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING!!!
    …your life laid out in your writing as well as speaking. I have shared your books and articles with many friends.You’ve been one of the greatest influencers/blessings to me the past 5 years.

    My hard…not terrible, but still weighs heavy…prayer request:

    Holidays are realistically stressful, but this one a bit more heavy on my heart. I now have out of state travel to get my 80 yr old mom to “unexpected” 5 AM surgery on Black Friday. I have cancelled all my plans. After joining her/spouse for noon Thanksgiving dinner in their senior living apartment complex, I will move her 84 yr old husband to another skilled facility on our way out of town– to different city– hotel near the hospital where surgery scheduled. Please pray: A) I would yield to and be obedient to Holy Spirit sharing gospel with her in hotel room–and or her husband (dementia) She has run from God her whole life and now talking about fearing death. Also prayer protection for my extensive driving there and back. B) Working in retail, this time of year is extra hard for me–to add this in. Please pray for my ability to get not only my jobs done before leaving, but also for some personal commitment I made to another relative for this week. That God would GREATLY soften their heart to be understanding and hopefully flexible in lieu of all this. I so desire not to have to deal with their anger or disappointment C) I am battling some anxious thoughts and fears related to repeated frequent behavior by my husband when I am gone–that he sometimes choses to sneak and betray me. It has caused alot of hurt. Please Lord speak to and convict his heart–and bind Satan’s part in causing these issues. I would so appreciate your prayers for all these this coming week thru the holiday weekend. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

    Reply
  5. Joan

    On the lighter side, I laughed out loud when you mentioned the “group picture” scenario. I had just done that very thing: group picture, on the end and I didn’t even recognize myself. Instant DELETE! We are so vain sometimes.
    Seriously, Lysa, your messages resonate so very deeply with so many women. We are excited to launch the next study of “It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way” in January. God Bless you and your family during this time of healing and restoration.

    Reply
  6. Leticia

    Thank you so much for the beautiful message and for your book. Lysa your story hits close to home as I went through a battle in my marriage and was determine to let it end but the Lord had other plans for me, for us. Your ministry has blessed me in so many ways, Proverbs 31 has been such a blessing in my life because through the stories the ladies share I finally felt that I was not alone in my struggles and that I was not the only asking why is this happening and why now or why at all. Your humility is so beautiful, the love you have for your family and most importantly the love you have for the Lord is so amazing and I thank you and appreciate your openness. My husband currently battles with depression, anxiety and God gives me strength daily to pray for him and be there for him so I ask for prayers for him and my family that God continue to be with us and that he heals him from this and allows him to be freed from it.
    Lysa thank you so much for all you do… God Bless you and your family!

    Reply
  7. Lisa

    Thank you for your words of truth Lysa! This year has been a painful year, but a year of joy. The night before Easter Sunday my husband confessed to years of unfaithfulness. I was completely devistated and shocked. God was working on his heart and with that confession he gave his heart to the Lord and accepted Christ as his personal savior. As much as the pain hurts from betrayal if that is what it took for my husband to finally know Jesus than I will bear the pain and forgive him because Christ forgave us. Thank you for your book! I bought it yesterday and finished it today!

    Reply
  8. Nancy Jameson

    Oh Lysa! I’m sorry to say that you and P31 group hasn’t been on my radar recently. I was so burdened by your families’ struggles that I was too heartbroken to tune into to Proverbs 31, all I could do was pray. And that I did! As well as you and all your friends! How marvelous, stupendous, praiseworthy Our Father is! He has restored you, Lysa!! You and your family. Our family has been through the ringer too and, like y’all, we are stronger together and closer to Him because of it. I love you Lysa! Thank you so very much for being so transparent! I thank Jesus over and over for your marriage! What man meant to destroy, God meant to fulfill! Hallelujah!!!!

    Reply
  9. Tammy Wong

    I have been in a season of hurt and suffering. This message was the best I have ever heard on revealing God’s glory. I want to listen to it again and take notes to refer to the specific scriptures you shared. If I might ask, is there anyway to get a copy of the painting everyone received yesterday. I did not get to listen to this until Wednesday. I want to purchase the book as well. Please advise.
    Love you Lysa and team.

    Reply
    • Cynthia

      I would like a copy too!

      Reply
  10. joni

    Please pray for me as I found out my husband of 33 yrs was having a 12 yr affair with someone at his work 🙁 I am devastated and he has filed for divorce 🙁
    Joni

    Reply
  11. MC

    Lysa, thank you for sharing your story. 10 years ago I found out my husband of 23 years was having an affair that had been going on for over a year. My life was completely shattered, it has taken years to repair the damage that was done, but God has redeemed our marriage and we are stronger now than ever before. During my darkest hours when I wanted to throw my husband out for good. God spoke to me and said that there was a bigger picture here than just my pain, our family and future grandkids would be forever damaged if I could not forgive my husband and try to repair our marriage. Today my husband is a better man and I am a better person. I do not wish this pain on anyone, but I am thankful for our experience because God used it for good!

    Reply
  12. Lourdes Montes

    Thanks for the info on the Replay looking forward to watching it. I just received my book today and am excited to get started.

    Reply
  13. Sandy

    Thanks so much Lysa! I so appreciate your openness…and also the openness of your husband and family. You have strengthened, encouraged, blessed so many, including me. I really resonated with your pointing out that we wear out our relationships, looking -longing for perfection now….for what only Jesus Himself can provide…do for us, in us. At this particular season of my life this gives me some clarity I’ve been looking for, needing. Praising our Lord for hearing and answering the cries of our hearts on behalf of you and your family…for the joy and privilege of making our faith journey together.

    Reply
  14. Ann

    It has been 4 months since i discovered my husband’s activities. We went to counselling a few times but he thought they were not fair in their advice, so he did not want to continue. So here we are, waiting on him to find a counsellor. I cry, pray, and hope. I am clinging to that word- hope.

    Reply
  15. Madelein

    Hi there!

    This is not a message regarding compel!, but I’ve listened to Lysa’s youtube clip about Sharing Secrecy,
    and felt sharing this:
    while reading from her new book, “……the way we will stand before a painting is a direct reflection of the way we will stand before people, regardless of who they are and how they are, there is only one way to stand before paintings and people, with compassion……”,

    and the other insight,” that one reason why paintings are so delightful, is because of its imperfections”………

    THAT gave me this thought to share: isn’t it ironic/special/profound, that Lysa’s husband is called Art?
    Just a lovely thought to ponder on!

    The way God is working through you and your ministry is really helping me alot!

    Thank you for being an obedient Jesus-follower
    Lots of love,
    Madelein Greyling

    Reply
  16. Connie LeRoy

    I thought it was awesome & I think I will use the book & bible study to bring healing to thr women of my church. I cried & laughed . I taught Uninvited and it was wonderful. so thankful for Lysa & her ministry. Such an aha moment looking back on things that GOD has brought me through. Not a curse but a blessing that HE trusted me that much. WOW!

    Reply
  17. Carol A.

    Thank you so much for being vulnerable and sharing your story. I really am thankful that you were willing. I also appreciate that Art is willing to be a part of the telling. That takes great courage.
    I ask for prayer that I would experience healing from trauma in the past. Mostly of my making. It has been many years but I still feel a sense of despondency that I cannot forgive myself.

    Reply
  18. Anonymous

    Lysa,

    I am so thankful God has us on the same path. In 2016 I too was made aware of my husband’s 10 year affairs with several women. Then in 2016 I followed your story. I prayed for you as I prayed for my marriage. By the grace of God and ONLY by the grace of God my husband and I are reconciled and our marriage is better than it has ever been. I get every word you speak. Your words have been a comfort to me. You see, not everyone knows about the affairs yet. Our elders do and a few others, but not our families. So, I wait. I wait on God. This is God’s story to share, not mine. I so want to shout out all the amazing things He has done in our marriage, but until my husband tells my family and his I feel I’m in a waiting period. And that’s ok. I waited 7 years for kids, I waited 15 years for all of this to come out in our marriage and I’ll wait for God’s timing to help others. But listening to your Focus on The Family interview was so validating. I just shook my head in agreement while listening the entire way through. So, although I can’t share God’s redemption story with others just yet, your book is comforting me with affirmations in the waiting. Praying for you and Art this morning. Someday we will worship for eternity together.

    Reply
  19. Laura

    So much wisdom in a 1 hour video! I am in a different place with a multitude of unresolved issues, I’m afraid. I did not deal with infidelity, rather emotional abuse and disregard. I was told that I was married to a narcissist. I sought individual counseling, and my ex-husband and I sought counseling together as well, but the conclusion, as far as he was concerned, was that I was the only one with the problems. So, feeling abandoned by God as I had cried out to Him many times, I ended my 13 year marriage to the father of my two sons (who are teenagers now). That was 8 years ago. I am remarried to a man with a precious, kind, and beautiful soul who adores, honors, and loves me and my children. As wonderful as that is, I am so burdened with guilt about my children not having their parents together. I question, “did I try hard enough?” I became completely self-absorbed and self-centered following my divorce as other things around me came crashing down and consumed me, and I left God completely out of the equation. Two weeks after I filed for divorce, my parents, who lived 300 miles away from me, told me that my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She passed away 3 years later. She was my rock, my support, my angel and I have struggled with intense bitterness toward God. Friends who I thought I could count on, faded away as I was going through my divorce. And I have yet to completely trust women and do not have any close friends or confidants. I had been a stay-at-home-mom to my precious boys for over 10 years, and I had to adjust to re-entering the working world, as well as establishing a new home all the while determined to get through the divorce proceedings as quickly and painlessly as possible for the sake of our children. There was no soft place for me to land or heal or rest.
    Since then, my husband and I have found a wonderful church where we can serve and be served. I have joined small groups where I am slowly becoming more open with women, although I have no complete trust in anyone. I am learning to trust God again, although that is proving to be a slow road. The enemy has been alive and well in my life for many years and I have come to the place of recognizing my bondage to him and am trying to break free of those chains.
    I am looking forward to reading your book and seeing what God can do with the pile of dust that I have become. May God bless you and your family and thank you for you utter transparency, allowing yourself to be vulnerable, and for your honesty and devotion to God.

    Reply
  20. Keri

    Lysa and Mack Brock–a dynamic duo, together, showing God’s faithfulness and goodness, thank you! Lysa, thank you for allowing God to use you to help the pain within ourselves heal, hopefully drawing us closer to our Father. Your sharing of the pain you and your family has endured, yet being able to now see your “…children laughing; feel your husband holding your hand…” speaks of God’s redemptive power. You have, again, reminded me of the fact that God is allowing pain in my own life because, “He has chosen me; entrusted it to me; hand-picked me to develop a deeper strength within me to shine His glory…” even brighter for the world to see! So much love and admiration for you, Lysa (and Art). You are always in my heart and prayers. May God continue to richly bless you and yours.

    Reply
  21. Brenda

    Lysa I just received your new book in the mail. Truly your writings and the truth you share is some of the most powerful I have ever read. God is using you in an amazing way to influence so many lives to “dig deeper” into Jesus and follow the path of life! Love and Blessings to you and your family!
    Today’s Thanksgiving devotional was the very same. So, So powerful and encouraging. God has gifted you with insight and with the ability to pass on biblical truth in a very uniquely powerful way!

    Reply
  22. Michelle

    Hello Lysa,
    Is there any way possible that I can contact you?
    I do not have social media. I’m just a simple woman with a very devastating situation that has shaken my life and my family’s life to the core. Not even words to describe, long term, God’s silence, no answers, door closed right in our nose…
    And just like you, I have been wondering if God is for me or against me…. I am tired of waiting, it’s hard to trust, I have 2 little girls and I am so busy, tired.. I see my oldest getting bitter because the circumstances and I don’t know what to do. I don’t even pray like I used to, or worship like I used to. I am reading your book, i have cried a lot.
    I feel like I’m going to go crazy… I don’t believe that God is trying to destroy me… but we have lived for him all our lives and I feel like it was a waste… I have nothing left of what life was… all the love, help, service to God is gone and forgotten. No one cares. It’s so so very difficult.
    Broken hearted in Texas….

    Reply
  23. Suzanne Bickham

    What an inspiration this book has been! The dialog between God and Jesus was so powerful that I have read it over and over again. “Perfection intimidates. Compassion inspires.” Our Bible Study is currently reading the “Women of the Bible” but as soon as we are finished I will be recommending “It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way”

    Reply
  24. Vicky Guillen

    I am a Pastor at a church in WI, in May of this year our oldest and his wife filed for divorce. In her wounded-ness, she wiped out bank accounts, kept his sons from him and use. Slander me to people of the church, of my ministry. Made up stories of our family including our other son and has put us in a situation to ask 1 son to move out so the other son could have visitation with his sons. I have questioned my ministry and asked God should I still be in Ministry. Even been asked how is this storm affecting my leadership. Thank you for sharing this! I needed to hear this and I covet your prayers for my son, and my ministry during this season.

    Reply
  25. Kristina

    I came across your YouTube video that was played on focus on the family and I know God led it to me. I too am struggling with my marriage after 26 years. He has recently moved in with another woman who just filed for divorce and is still married. My husband filed for divorce a week after her. I too have been struggling because God keeps telling me to trust Him while all the while praying for him. God has given confirmation after confirmation that he is returning home to me and will be saved. I know this is a testing of my faith, but it doesn’t make it any easier. I ask for your prayers please, because that seems to be the only thing keeping me from falling apart. I know he is a beautiful man deep inside who has been blinded by the enemies tactics.

    Reply
  26. Kathie Temple

    Lysa,
    I can’t thank you enough for sharing your story! I lead Bible studies at my church (First Baptist Church Georgetown, TX), and will be starting It’s Not Supposed To Be This Way in January. Earlier this afternoon I blasted out the information about the study and the invitation to join. The response has been beyond enthusiastic, timely, and abundant!
    I had previously planned on doing another study but had pre-ordered your book while at She Speaks this summer. When I started reading it, I KNEW THIS was supposed to be our next study. Thank you. Thank you for saying “YES” to God. Thank you for being faithful in the HARDEST TIMES. We are rejoicing in your faithfulness! Your ministry is strong here! God bless you and Merry Christmas!!

    Reply
  27. Anne

    My marriage is struggling and has been for many years. Many wrong choices and much selfishness. My husband is unwilling to talk about it at All and withholds love from me and has been for months. I know we’ve hurt each other but I believe we can work it out if we ask God together. I’m trying to be patient and kind. I’ve watched all of this unfold with the Terkeurst family. I’ve prayed, cried and sincerely rejoiced through what God has done. Their hearts were changed and I know God is going to continue to work through them to help others – that’s very hard work for them I’m sure. How great our world needs open hands like theirs. So many struggling and not knowing where to go or who to turn to for help. That’s where I’m at. Please help! Where?? Who? No one wants to talk about marriage problems and my husband is so closed off to the idea of counseling but won’t change his ways at all. I want to love him well and be a good example of a wife for my 3 girls. Please help- I don’t post anything on Lysa’s social media..I don’t want anyone to know who I am. Any suggestions and prayer would be appreciated. I’ll continue to lift up this family – asking God for strength each day and continued love and growth-rejoicing and praising him for sure – I know all things are possible through Him.
    Thank you

    Reply
  28. Cathy Stoner

    Hello,
    I am not sure where I’ve been over the last year or so, but I hate to admit it, I’ve not known Lisa’s story.
    I have heard, of course, of the Proverbs 31 ministry, but somehow I did not hear Lisa’s more recent story. I would like to try to communicate directly with Lisa, as she and I share very similar stories, minus her medical battles. I can understand the pain of, not just one affair, but two. The first, at almost the same year as Lisa and Arts (24 years) and now, 7 years later after fighting to keep our marriage. Unfortunately, I am sensing a different outcome as the first, although, I do believe in desiring for God to be glorified however He chooses, even if He will need to do a tremendous work in my heart to get us there.
    Is there a way to communicate directly with Lisa? I would love to converse with her personally.
    God bless each woman, family and marriage that has experienced this pain.

    Reply
  29. Adrianne Ayers

    As I sit here in my hospital room, reading your latest book- so many of your pages are like you read my mind and printed them out. The “battles” dont all match up but the emotion & perpetrater behind them do. Thankyou for being an obediant conduit for Jesus to reach so many women, people on this journey of life we are sharing. Lysa, I hope you see this post & are encouraged to stay the course!!!!

    Reply
Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Let's Stay In Touch