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When things don’t turn out the way you thought they would

September 24, 2018

Do you ever find yourself saying, “this isn’t turning out the way I thought it would”?

Maybe you have this feeling that circumstances should be better than they are.

Relationships should be better than they are.

Your marriage should be better than it is.

Finances should be better than they are.

Life should be better than it is.

And underneath it all, you’re disappointed.

I deeply and personally understand that ache. If you’ve followed along with my story, you know that the last few years I’ve been walking through heartbreak after heartbreak with my marriage, my family, and my health.

But God has been showing me such rich truths from His Word that have literally saved my life. And I want to share that hope with you to help you in your own disappointments. That’s why I wrote my new book, It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way: Finding Unexpected Strength When Disappointments Leave You Shattered.

In this book, we’ll learn to:

● Stop being pulled into the anxiety of disappointment by discovering how to better process unmet expectations and other painful situations.

● Train ourselves to recognize the three strategies of the enemy so we can stand strong and persevere through unsettling relationships and uncertain outcomes.

● Discover the secret of being steadfast and not panicking when God actually does give us more than we can handle.

● Shift our suspicion that God is cruel or unfair to the biblical assurance that God is protecting and preparing us.

● Know how to encourage a friend and help her navigate hard realities with real help from God’s truth.

It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way hasn’t released yet, but you can pre-order your copy today and get the first 3 chapters immediately. You’ll also gain access to a private Facebook group I’m hosting with my friends where we’ll process through deep disappointments together.

Pre-order your copy by clicking here.

I love you, friend. Let’s meet in the pages of the book and journey on together.

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  1. Hizgirl

    Hi Lisa, I just want to say I understand and can relate. I’m a BC survivor of 14 years (I was 40 when I was diagnosed and underwent surgery followed by 18 months of chemo, radiation, and then 10 years of oral meds), a reduction on the other side, hysterectomy, …. last year I decided to leave my husband after 22 years of marriage (a 2nd for both of us) when I found myself living an unbearable verbal abuse which had accelerated in conjunction with my husband’s losing his job and subsequent increase in drinking. My leaving took him totally by surprise even though I had warned him 8 months earlier that he had to stop drinking, stop the verbal assault, go to counseling. Ten months into the separation, after he had been seeing a counselor who he authorized to talk with me, I agreed to go to a marriage counselor with him and after a couple of months we began working towards reconciliation. We have reconciled (going on 6 months now) and are continuing to see a marriage counselor (counselor is a Christian & uses the Gottman Institute’s approach). Although our relationship is better than it has ever been and sometimes it’s as though none of the history ever happened, at other times we struggle with the same perpetual issues that we’ve always had (messy vs. organized, procrastinator vs. planner). I also find that I sometimes feel isolated and lonely because not everyone is thrilled with my decision to reconcile. But I am sure that I am where God wants me to be because the reasons I left have been addressed (verbal abuse & drinking are gone) and my husband and I are more transparent than we have every been with one another. I also began working with my counselor again following my separation. While I started this to help figure out my emotions and ensure that I do not slip backwards into being a doormat, I discovered that I had some other things that I needed to work through as well. I have an aunt who always used to say, “life is not like the brochure” and most days I think she was right, but then I realize that the brochure we need to read is the Bible, not the brochures on the rack at the cash register with everything airbrushed. Lisa, I am eager to read your new book and hope there will also be a Bible Study.

  2. Lisa Chisum

    Hey girl, I want to thank you for the devotion for today, even though it was actually a promotion for your new book. I TOTALLY relate to all the things you said. My whole world was not supposed to be this way. But, the Lord is teaching me and guiding me thru every step. He has been my ROCK and my SHIELD thru the horrible disappointments of my marriage to a man who is 14 yrs my senior and my 3rd. He is teaching me to be committed to Him in a way I have never known before and that His forgiveness is for me. I have been so broken at times and the health issues, I think I could write a book, as well. But I just wanted to say “thank you”. I cried when I read your title, it hits home, so very hard. love you, girl. Praying for you too. 🙂

    • Carrie Greer

      Lysa & Ladies:

      How refreshing to find a place where disappointments are exposed without judgment. I too, after 3 failed marriages because I wanted to be validated, to be loved, have found myself in a very long season of grief and self disappointment. I stay in God’s word because I have learned that only He has the right to define who I am because He is my Creator. Thank you for your transparency, for shining a light on your brokenness. Not everyone, or very few get a Hallmark story. It is good to know that sisters in Christ are hurting, are broken and are running hard after the One who is able to love us perfectly.

      The process is slow but God has over the many years shown me, this is not where He wants me to stay…He wants to teach me, love on me, mold me, make me stronger for Him and to share my story to so many other broken women. He is our hope and I thank Him everyday.

      • Brandy

        Same here. I can relate. 3 failed marriages and lonely but staying close to God but lots of lonely nights crying Praying for you tonight

      • Donna

        I can understand completely where you are coming from
        I had three marriages
        First one abusive
        Second one short lived
        Third one good but husband became disabled, and eventually died of cancer
        I have been a caregiver, co dependent people pleasing all my life
        Now I am living alone
        Not good at it
        Hate it loneliness is horrible
        I keep busy, meeting people and volunteer but
        Adjusting to my life is horrible at times
        Why God

        I feel and know in my heart God is refining me layer by layer to know and become the person he created and wants me to become
        I keep praying and asking God what is my purpose in life, and where do I go from here
        And what to do
        Thanks for reading this

  3. Ruth Willis

    I have previously pre-ordered the book and I see that if you do that know you get access to the first 3 chapters 🙂 Does this apply to previous pre-orders as well?

    Would love to get a glimpse into the book… super excited 🙂

    • Lysa TerKeurst

      Hey Ruth! Yes, if you could email [email protected] with your pre-order receipt, I would gladly email you the first 3 chapters!


      Mary Scott, LT Ministry Team

  4. EMB

    Thanks for your sharing heart today at IF Lead. Your words wrecked me! I identify with the feelings you felt right before you found out things… it’s a hard place to be. I look forward to your book.

  5. Sarah @ Christ-Centered Mama

    My heart aches for Eden, walking with God in the garden. I know that our hearts are made for that close fellowship, so this book sounds so compelling to me.

  6. Heather Yates

    Lysa, I just want to say thank you. I led your Bible study The Best Yes a few months ago to a group of women from multiple churches at my church. We then read the book Fervent, by Priscilla Shirer. We start Unglued on Wedbesday and plan to do “It Wasn’t Dupposed to Be This Way” in November. (I have pre-ordered my copy!) You are truly a gift from God and I thank you for being so raw with your writing. I actually laugh out loud at your honesty and can imagine your reactions just from watching your videos. Thank you for letting God use you in such a mighty way in all circumstances. Love you, sister in Christ.

  7. Elvira

    Dear Lisa,
    I stumbled onto your blog and have been following your journey for a couple of years now. I am not one to make comments on blogs but today I just had to. The scriptures tell us that we suffer so we can comfort those that suffer, you have been a light for me these past months. I have experienced the heartbreak of my marriage and illness in my body and you are correct never did I think it would be this way. So thank you for being brave enough to share the struggles of your journey with the rest of us, one day we might meet and we will have that cup of coffee and we will rejoice over His Faithfulness! You are a trophy of Grace!

  8. Shirley Hobden

    Hi Lisa,
    I want to thank you for your devotional today October 4th. I just wanted to add a note for others, who may have tried to glue their broken lives back together again, it doesn’t work until you bring the broken pieces to Jesus. I’ve tried to do the gluing myself but it didn’t last, so off I went still broken to my Loving Father and He did the gluing for me. I’m saying this because I’ve met people and been one of those who felt I needed to fix myself first before approaching God, but that is not needed.
    Pick up the still broken pieces of your life and surrender them to Him.

  9. Michaela

    While my heart aches for you and your family, I love your teaching on dust. That is how I feel and the joy I received while reading, knowing my God’s got this and everything is going to be better than ok, is just what I needed. Thank you.

  10. Carrie Greer

    Thank you Lysa and sweet ladies for your transparency.

    I too fall into the same category of making bad decisions in my past to marry 3 men who were not what God had for me. Like most of you I have been in a desert of brokenness, distrust and hurt quite a while. But He is teaching me this season will not be a waste.

    Christ heals, He comforts, He protects, He provides, He oversees me and is my shield AND HE loves me more than anyone could.

    So we walk this season knowing that another difficult season will follow at some point in our lives BUT this time we know who holds us. Our heartbreaks are never to be wasted no matter how painful. And slowly He mends our brokenness whispering just follow Me.

  11. Carrie Greer


    Thank you for your transparency and your openness. I too have walked this same road, married 3 times continually looking for love from someone else. I have been devastated and this last season of this journey has seemed to last forever. But I have learned so much from my Heavenly Father. I have learned that staying in His word, listening to His Holy Spirit, and believing what He says about me is the most satisfying answer that fills my soul. I still long for companionship and a true (non-Hallmark marriage, because let’s face it those don’t exist) and what I have come to accept that God may bless me with that one day and He may not. Whatever He has planned I have learned His ways are always more satisfying and better than my ways.

    So thanks ladies for being you. Oh how so many women I know want to know that this type of hurt happens to many others not just them. Thank you for making this a place to talk about that hurt but more importantly a place to talk about THE ONE TRUE HOPE.

  12. Brandy

    Hey!!! I was so excited to get this book. I don’t know where I got confused, well yeah I do I’m a single mom of 4 kids who never stops 😉 reguardless I somehow I ordered loving life again. I’m going to read it but I was looking so forward to reading Lysa’s book it’s not suppose to be this way. I’ve listened to her testimony and although I have my own story our story has some undeniable strangely similar. Like some are almost identical and I can relate to her. She gives me motivation or someone visual who was able to overcome. I’m 39 and in the past over and over I have been so close to God and One wrong turn choosing my own way would put devistation and heartache in my life. Wanting to be loved is what I long for. To be good enough because I was told my entire life as a child and teenager I wasn’t good enough no matter what I achieved. So finally I gave in to the lies and stopped even caring about myself. I’ve made some really bad relationship choices due to the fact the ones that were good I never felt I was good enough. I strangely expect and feel as if I deserve well not much but I long for it. It’s so hard to wait even though I think that’s what I should do instead of taking things in my own hands and settle for less. I really don’t want a man but all of my friends are married and I don’t want to intrude so I find myself longing for someone to care. I’m just lonely lots of time. Anyways I’m really hoping I can order her book soon. I so want to read it. God bless you all

  13. Brandy

    I thought I commented. I must be doing something wrong.

  14. Lori D

    All of the scriptures resonated with me…thank you. Honestly, it was your prayer at the end that hit my heart the hardest. THANK YOU!

  15. Arlene


    I pre-ordered yesterday. I ordered from Amazon, and filled out / submitted the pre-order form. I believe the small print said you should receive an email in a few hours – I still haven’t received anything. Is that because it’s a weekend, or is there a problem with my submission?
    Can you help?

  16. Melissa Coxe

    I never got my book I preordered.

    • Lysa TerKeurst

      Hi Melissa! We’re so sorry about that! You’ll need to contact the seller you ordered the book from the get to the bottom of it. If you ordered from the P31 Bookstore, you can send a message using this form: – Amanda, LT Ministry Team

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