All relationships can be difficult at times, but they should not be destructive to our well-being. Learn the difference between a destructive pattern and a difficult season with this free resource, “Is This Normal? 15 Red Flags You May Be Missing in Your Relationships.”


Anger Is Not the Way

January 15, 2018

The other side of the doors. There’s always another side to consider especially with people.

It’s not that we will always agree. But maybe we can be mature enough to not jump in swinging and slinging more hurt. Maybe we should challenge ourselves to pray more words over issues than we speak about issues.

And when we need to take a stand calling for change, may we consider men like Martin Luther King Jr.

He modeled the very thing he was calling for in others. Let’s not take a stand against the harsh words of others using harsh words ourselves.

We are better than that.

Let’s listen, learn, love, forgive, and walk out the message of the Gospel.

Let’s live Truth. Let’s make sure our hearts stay pure enough to shine the light of hope.

God never said that the world will be changed by our angry words… but only by His love working in us and through us.

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  1. Nydia

    Awesome Words Lysa! That is very true! Blessings!

  2. Brian

    Agree definitely.

  3. Ann Kite

    Thinking about you as I read this post, Lysa… praying for your recovery and well-being. All the best to you.💝

  4. Leslie Basham

    Dear Lysa, I have thought and prayed for you often as I have read your book”Uninvited”.
    My dad, Gene Hall, took over the head coaching job at Central High School, after desegregation. 1957!
    But he never let it stop him from doing his job. I remember one story he told… there were few… because he was so humble, of a “new kid” in gym class and a wrestling match ensued and my dad very calmly went up and said-“ok, let’s break it up,” and that was all that was needed. You would have to know my dear dad to know that he just treated everyone the same, and never expected more from his students than he would do himself. He truly tried to look at all his players as the same. Among many things, I could be proud of, this devotion to his players is what I admire most.

  5. Heather MacLaren Johnson

    Thank you for speaking this truth! We need more Christians to speak and write this. Sadly, many Christians with big platforms are using them to sow anger, judgment and discord. What might happen if we pray for our leaders as commanded by Christ instead of condemning them as if they are damned? What might happen to our own hearts if we truly obeyed God, regardless of our opinions?

  6. Melanie

    that was very helpful.. my husband had an affair and we are trying to work things out.. I find myself very angry.. I just need someone to talk to and don’t know where to go at times..

    • Bethany

      You don’t know me and I have never experienced what you are dealing with but I wanted to reach out to you and say how very sorry I am. Also, if you don’t mind, I’d like to just encourage you to find someone whom you can trust to talk to honestly and openly. While God requires that we forgive the sins of others’, it doesn’t mean that we don’t grieve or suffer great pain over their wrong doing. I am not making comparisons, but I have gone through painful, though different things, and in an attempt to talk through it with someone I felt was trustworthy and in the position to help me, led me to believe that because I expressed great pain over what someone had done to me that that meant I had not forgiven them. There are well meaning Christians who sometimes feel that way, but that is not God’s way. Jesus Himself experienced sorrow, yet He was without sin. In John 17, in His prayer to God He asked if there was any other way it could be done, (referring to the crucifixion), then pray “but not my will but thine be done” (my paraphrase). He also wept over the death of Lazarus. Paul pleaded with God 3 times to remove the thorn from his flesh and by the time I’ve asked someone three times, I’m feeling pretty much like I’m begging, he didn’t hide his pain or his struggle. Your situation is different as I said, but let yourself grieve if you have not. Of course I don’t know how others have responded to you or if you’ve been able to grieve as you should but I think where forgiveness if concerned it is easily misinterpreted to mean that we haven’t forgiven someone who has hurt us if we are hurting over the wrong done and that is simply not true. I’m going to pray that if you’ve not had someone in your life to walk along side with you as you need that God will put someone in your life to do so.
      In His love,

    • KellyK


      My husband also had an affair. Then 4 months after I discovered his infidelity, I got cancer! Mine and Lysa’s stories are quite similar. Go to counseling. Together. If your husband is repentant, counseling helps. If he’s not, there’s not much you can do other than to pray for his change of heart. My heart bleeds for you.

  7. Paula

    I have always enjoyed your writing, and I want you to know that these shorter blog entries are just as meaningful and powerful as the longer ones. Keep up the great work! You are loved and prayed for!

  8. Carol T

    I am the one who used to come back with a potty mouth…but this past year I have learned to forgive ppl that say wrongful things to me and I excuse myself and walk away.,Then I pray for Jesus to get me through it and bind my mouth.
    Thank you for this post a real eye opener.

  9. Jeanne Kolberg

    I was in a car dealership a while back, when you appeared on the television screen as a guest on the Today Show. I really appreciated your presence there. You had some good things to say! Thank you! 💙

  10. Kristal

    Thank you, Lysa, for those truths. You have been on my mind and heart lately and I just wanted to let you know that I am praying for you! I hope this brings you encouragement to keep pressing on. You are an amazing woman that has walked a very difficult road. You have walked it with grace and dignity. It is very encouraging to me, and I am certain that it is encouraging to other women as well. 😁❤️

  11. Sheri Williams

    I am a 61 year old high school counselor with 4 adult children and 4 granchildren. My husband of 38 years has decided to divorce me. Has been depressed for many years and has now met another woman. I am beyond devastated as are our children. I have taught Bible Study Fellowship for years and he and I taught adult Sunday classes. Please pay for me, my name is Sheri. May we all draw near to Jesus in our pain!

    • Taylor

      Sheri, I read your comment tonight and I just want you to know I’m praying for you! I pray that God is holding you up through this and giving you peace and comfort.. I did a google search to see if anywhere Lysa says she’s in BSF and that’s how I ended up reading your comment. I am in BSF and Romans is blessing my soul. I pray it is doing the same thing for you. You will always be on my heart from now on because I now God wanted me to pray for you. I don’t have any words of advice but I do want to encourage you because I know that He has something very special in store for you through all this. He will make beauty from ashes!!

  12. Kathy

    I have a small framed saying that keeps me from anger, “Lord keep your arm around my shoulders, and a hand across my mouth.” I remember this phrase every time there is a dispute between me and my husband. It makes me realize how easy it is to hurl hateful words that cannot be retrieved. May I find the words that build up, encourage and bring reconciliation. Thanks for this wonderful message.

  13. Mary Pattengale

    Thank you for your loving ministry to us, even in the midst of such pain❤️ Praying for you today.

  14. Melissa

    I’ve been praying over my husband & words that I speak. He’s been secretly texting women & ive caught him for the third time. I just want to be showing the love of Christ but I am angry & hurt. Im tired of this

  15. KC

    This is .something that I am currently working on, is my anger. I take it personally when someone stands in my face and think that I am stupid and do not know that they are trying to use me or disrespects me. I guess I have always been that person who wants the last word. The person that want people to know they can’t push me around. I had a bunch of girls that tried to bully me when I was in middle school. My mother always taught be not to fight because of what someone says. I HELD a lot of anger in because I wasn’t able to tell them how I felt. I guess this is why as an adult I will not put up with anyone being disrespectful to me. I have a lot to work through.

  16. brenda

    I hope and pray you are doing better, may the Lord keep you and heal you, not only your body, but your heart. God Bless you always. Brenda Pisco

  17. Gladys

    Good day Lysa,
    One of the reasons for this post is to thank you for your Proverbs 31 Ministry. I look forward to the daily quotes I receive on my mobile phone, as well as all the devotions and bible study resources available. Although I am fairly new, I have felt a special connection and dare say a special kind of love – Jesus’ love – with you. The second reason for my post is to express my heartfelt prayers for you [and your family] for all you have been through in recent months [and couple of years]. My prayers are going up to our Father in Heaven, as I write this, and I am asking our Heavenly Father to continue to strengthen you and keep you steadfast in your faith as you put all your trust in Him and His love for you. God bless you, your children and grandchildren, and your ministry. Btw, I am a 66 year old mother of 3 with 5 grandchildren, and a lover and follower of Jesus through the guidance of the Holy Spirit!

  18. Anna Muniz

    lately i have been wanting to hear God. I have been through a lot and with God’s help overcome a lot. But i truly miss having Joy and Laughter most of all, grouping with Godly women , just to hear me out and to listen and love together. When i leave my job i’m on the go to get dinner done house chores or just what ever my family needs from me. My kids are my world! and to have them all home for dinner is a blessing . But i need to refill with the lord. I wish you were visiting near New Jersey , so that i can come see you. #singlemom #Lysaterkeurst

  19. Tiffany

    my sister and brother-in-law are starting to go through a divorce… this is not an ideal situation for them. what makes it hard is we’re sisters who married brothers. it’s starting to cause friction between me and my husband. sometime the words he says make me feel like he doesn’t like me very much. it’s hard to pray when i feel so hurt and angry. hoping for a miracle.

  20. L

    How does one resond to a daughter who had an affair and is repentant and she and her husband are both Christians but feel they are justified in not reconciling as there is just too much hurt? Genesis 18:14 says “Is anything too hard for God?” and Jeremiah 32:27 says “I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?” Marriage is a picture of our relationship with God. We, along with God’s children the Isrealites have adulterated our relationship with Him in various ways and yet His plan is ALWAYS to reconcile that relationship. As Christians, especially when the spouse who committed adultery, is repentant, are we not to seek reconciliation? I do not agree with Christian counselors who say that some relationships will not be restored this side of heaven even though both are committed Christians. I get that when one or both parties are not Christians. God has given us a ministry of reconciliation. We serve a God who resurrects dead things, who moves mountains, so why the unbelief about this? Sadly there are people in the Christian body of believers who will support divorce.

    • Janet

      AMEN!!! I agree! I have been standing with God for the restoration of my marriage for the past 8 years. I made vows to my husband and to God on my wedding day and I am responsible to keep those vows regardless of what my husband has done. God has given me the most incredible unconditional love and forgiveness for my husband. He has changed me so much through this process and continues to encourage me and reassure me that He will bring my husband back home according to His perfect plan and His perfect timing! My responsibility is to trust Him and seek His will for each day and to bring glory to Him in the waiting. Genesis 18:14 is one of the first verses the Lord gave me. I pray every day for the restoration of Art & Lysa’s marriage. God is completely sovereign and all powerful – adultery and divorce are not God’s kryptonite! NOTHING is impossible with God (Luke 1:37)

  21. Cathe

    Thank you for your ministry and especially this post. I have a wonderful job but it is in an area where we are constantly busy and must be as correct as possible, no room for error. Between my supervisor, who I try to respect her position, and our front desk who does not do her job, sometimes I’m ready to explode. David said “Lord put a guard over my mouth.” First, I know if I said anything in my defense it would fall on deaf ears or be considered an excuse. I have been written up before and had a very reasonable account for my actions but I just let it go because she would have made it an all day battle. My best friend after the Lord and my husband is my Journal. I just keep writing and the next thing I know I’m at peace again. I also keep a running list of what goes on and if anything ever happens I can have my account of events. Lysa, I pray for you and want your peace and happiness in life.

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