I should have been happy. I knew it. I could have listed out so many things for which I was thankful.
So, what was this undercurrent of disappointment that ebbed and flowed just beneath the surface of my more honest moments? I got still and I got sad.
Then I would see something horrific on the news that other people are facing, and I felt so horribly guilty for even daring to give myself permission to entertain anything other than gratitude.
Which just heaped shame on top of my sadness. So I’d reach for a handful of something chocolate. And I’d wash it down with a Diet Coke and determine that maybe all this off-kilterness was just because I was running a little low on sugar and caffeine.
But the real answer was something I already knew but didn’t want to admit.
I was doing many things, pouring myself out for God, but not really spending time getting refilled by God.
Maybe you can relate?
I’m sharing more about this over at (in)courage today and I’d love to have you join in on the conversation. Just click here!