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A Sneak Peek of My Next Book

January 13, 2015

Starting to write a new book can be an intimidating process. After all, I’m not an experienced author of this new book. It’s my first dance with these words… these thoughts… these lessons.

With each new message, I’m a first-time author all over again.

And in this next book, I’m tackling rejection and loneliness. Not in a sad, let’s-get-down-in-the-dumps-together way.

Nope. More like a girlfriend chat where we all find ourselves saying, “Yep… I’ve felt that. I’ve thought that. Now, what do we do about it?”

So, I thought I would give my blog friends a sneak peek… a little slice of one of my chapters.

After you read this, {insert me blushing and sweating and eating a stale Christmas cookie} would you leave me a comment below with what you’d like to see addressed in a book about rejection and loneliness?

Your input is a pure treasure to me.
________________________________

There’s a lady at my gym who hates me. No, I’m serious. She sees me coming and I can feel little poofs of disdain chugging out of her ears as her feet are churning 87 miles per hour on the elliptical machine. I honestly don’t know how she goes so fast. I once tried to keep up with her.

It was awful.

And I think this was the day her infuriation with me started.

Let me back up and confess my sins that started this whole thing.

The elliptical machines are set up very close together and are completely awkward with their angular moving parts. Think if a New York high rise and an elephant had a baby. That’s an elliptical machine.

Now, conjure up a picture in your mind of the most athletic person you know. The one who doesn’t have a drop of fat on their entire body, not even at their belly button, which should be illegal in my cellulite-ridden opinion. Okay, do you have your person?

That’s her. She’s honestly stunningly beautiful.

Then picture a marshmallow dressed in a t-shirt and spandex pants. Her ponytail is rather tight but not much else is. That’s me. Hello world.

So, I have to sort of get in her space just a tad to mount my machine and I think I threw off her rhythm. That was sin number one.

And then I decided to try to stay in sync with her because I wanted to teach all the folks at the gym that day that,though my legs and derrière might not look like it, I’m in shape. My heart can pump with the best of them. And by golly I was tired of being out-ellipticalled by her. That was sin number two.

And then there may have been a little issue with me taking a phone call while working out. In my defense this is not at all my common practice. But a friend called who really needed me.

I realize now I should have stepped off my machine and taken the call elsewhere. But I was sort of in a competition at this point and needed to win this thing on behalf of every other marshmallow-feeling woman.

I tried to chat quietly but when you feel like a lung might very well pop out of your mouth at any minute, it’s difficult to whisper-talk. That was sin number three.

Three strikes and she deemed me out. Out of my mind. Out of line. Out of control.

She abandoned her elliptical and huffed over to the treadmill. And she’s hated me ever since.

But then the other day, something occurred. Something odd that stunned me.

She smiled at me.

It wasn’t an evil, I’m-about-to whip-your-tail-on-the-gym-floor kind of smile. It was more like a “oh hey, I’ve seen you here before, right?” kind of smile.

I thought about her expression the entire time on the elliptical that morning. I mean I analyzed it up one side and down the other. Was it just a stunned reaction kind of thing where she felt forced to smile because she couldn’t quite figure out what else to do?

Or was it “I think we could be friends?”

Or was it a truce of some sorts?

I’ve decided it wasn’t any of those. I truly believe it was a simple smile acknowledging that she’s seen me but has none of this crazy hate toward me at all.

It’s all been a perception thing on my part.

So let me rewrite the story as I now believe it actually is.

There’s a lady at the gym who really enjoys her workouts. One day the gal next to her talked on the phone so instead of making a deal out of it she just transitioned over to the treadmill.

She really hadn’t thought of it much since. And then one day she saw this same woman in the bathroom and smiled and thought, “Good for you for getting up this morning and working out.”

End of story.

Obviously, I don’t know what went through her head as she smiled. But I think my second version is closer to reality than my first.

Which has really gotten me thinking about all the many times I assign thoughts to others that they never really think. I hold them accountable to harsh judgments they never make. And I own a rejection from them they never gave me.

I know not every rejection is like this.

Some are completely certified and undeniable. As clear as a just-cleaned window. And the feelings so intense they can make you as horrifically stunned as a bird soaring eastward toward the morning sun only to slam headfirst into that clean window. The thud feels like it might just kill you.

That’s true rejection.

But then there’s this perceived rejection like I had with my fellow gym-goer.

I don’t even think I was really on her radar.

But in my mind I was absolutely in her crosshairs.

And so goes the crazy inside our heads sometimes.

It makes me remember something I saw an author friend of mine do several years ago that I filed away in my “Words I Love” notebook. She was signing a book. I peaked over to see what she was writing.

Her approach was simple. Before signing her name she wrote, “Live loved.”

Instead of an instruction, it was a proclamation. One that now arrests my soul and is so applicable to our discussion at hand.

Live from the abundant place that you are loved and you won’t find yourself begging others for scraps of love.

It’s not deciding in your mind, I deserve to be loved.

Or manipulating your heart to feel loved.

It’s settling in your soul, I was created by a God who formed me because He so very much loved the very thought of me. When I was nothing, He saw something and declared it good. Very good. And very loved.

This should be the genesis thought of every new day. Not because of how terrific I am. God doesn’t base His affection on my wilted efforts.

No, God’s love isn’t based on me.

It’s simply placed on me.

And is the place from which I should live.

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591 Comments
  1. Tara

    Daily I create stories in my brain that allow me to feel ways that I shouldnt. “She hasnt liked my photos, she must do it on purpose, she must hate me.” Always stupid things, that really arent true. Maybe she was busy? Maybe she doesnt play into social media like i do?” Its so refreshing to see that someone else has these thoughts. I cant wait to see more from your next book. Thank you for sharing. Please keep me in your prayers that I can see how God’s love shines on me. I will do the same for you. 🙂

    Reply
  2. Anne Peterson

    I am SO looking forward to your next book. It will resonate with so many since we all struggle with these negative thoughts about others. Thoughts manufactured and treated as gospel truth.

    Reply
  3. Kathy A

    You know I can relate to that. I see people and think they don’t like me why? You always hope that they are just having a bad day. Looking forward to your new book.

    Reply
  4. Vanessa Dorsey

    Perfectly written.

    Reply
  5. Debi

    I am really looking forward to this book!! I can’t wait to read more!! It seems I am always thinking someone else is thinking ugly thoughts about me and I automatically distance myself from them. Racking my brain trying to figure out what I did wrong, when in reality they have no clue what is wrong with me. Excited and awaiting your help with this new book!!

    Reply
  6. Janet

    Oh boy, I read your intro and thought “I’m not sure this book will really be for me, I’ve never really been rejected before, not that I remember, at least:)” Then I continued on and on boy did you peg me dead on! I am the queen of fantasy world imaginings in my little brain. I can’t even begin to count the number of times that exact same scenario has played out in my inner world, and I am convinced it never, never happened in ya’ll’s world!
    Therefore, please write faster!!! I do so love your writings!

    Reply
  7. Shannon

    YES!!! I love it!! Just like Negative Self-Chatter, that spoke so deeply to me in “Unglued”! I can’t wait!!!

    Reply
  8. Sandi Granger

    Well written, humorous and an important message. You could probably write an entire book about the thoughts we mistakenly attribute to other people. 😉

    Reply
  9. Missy

    Wow lysa! I so can relate to this – thinking their world revolves around me because I perceive they must thinking about the encounter! Perfectly written. Would love for you to touch on the feelings of being alone vs needing some alone time to reflect. Almost on the verge of depression but pulling yourself out of it and realizing how blessed you are. Love your writing style- real and applicable. THANK YOU!

    Reply
  10. Shelly S. Cantrell

    Practical strategies for living loved. What does that look like in real life? How will you know you are living loved? Is it even measurable? Is it a feeling? Is it an emotion? From where does it come?

    Excited to read the book, Lysa! All the best as you ponder what God would have you, specifically, flesh out.

    Reply
  11. Megan

    im so very excited you’re tackling this!! I just listened to you on focus this morning!! Will you be addressing comparison and pride? I think these really contribute to rejection and loneliness. Your story was perfect!! A great example !

    Reply
  12. Tammy Angier

    Lysa,

    This introduction describes me so perfectly! Thank you for writing about real life issues we can all relate to. I’ve told me BFF that you could write the phone book and I would read it! Can’t wait for this new book to be released!

    Reply
  13. lisa

    Wonderful…i need this n believe most people need rhis….

    Reply
  14. Tracy

    I thought I was the only person who has these thoughts. What a sad comfort it is to know I’m not the only one who projects my insecurities on others. I’m always over analyzing other people’s body language, facial expressions and inflections of voice. Why are we so eager to reject in order to avoid being rejected?! Thank God we have a savior who loves us and welcomes us with open arms!!! Can’t wait to read your book! =)

    Reply
  15. Nancy

    Lysa, I love this chapter and look forward to your book. My thoughts many times causes me to think I’m better off alone. I will never be as good as someone else. I have measured my self worth by others for years and have always come up lacking in every area. I am learning to not compare my inside to someone else’s outside. It is not a true picture of that person and so unfair to them and me. Please, continue to address these issues in your books and I love when your books are also Bible studies. Thank you.

    Reply
    • Susan

      Oh, Nancy, I can so relate. I have found myself so often wanting to be like others rather than being the child God created me to be. It is such a struggle to overcome these feelings.

      Reply
  16. Carol

    LOVVVE this and cannot wait to read. I’d love for there to be a section in the book for those of us abandoned and rejected by our spouses ending in divorce. It’s a rejection that cuts into the soul if you allow it. Thanks for all you do!

    Reply
  17. Michelle

    Love this and can SOOOO relate.. I do the same thing and always feel ppl have negative thoughts/ feelings toward/about me

    Reply
  18. Lori B

    I’m so excited for your next book to come out. What a great topic. As women we all deal with rejection and loneliness. I think that this is an important topic for single ladies as well as married ones, but in different ways because I think the struggles are a bit different.

    Reply
  19. Heidi Kullman

    I am SO excited for this book! I have Multiple Sclerosis, and I tend to assume others will reject me, due to my shortfalls. I can really relate to your scenario at the gym, and I will definitely read this!

    Reply
  20. Lisa Zink

    I can’t wait to read your book! It is like you are inside my head and heart. I don’t know how many times I have imagined the worst only to discover it wasn’t even close. Thank you for your ministry!

    Reply
  21. Elizabeth Lynn

    I have the problem of perceiving rejection in a massive way. I always have, it stems from real rejection from my mother and others in my childhood. I’m approaching my senior years and I’m still dealing with it. It even extents to my relationship with God. I’m really looking forward to your book now, your other books have ministered to me and I’m sure this one will help in the area that has become a defining one in my life. Approximately when will your book be released? Thanks!

    Reply
  22. Janet

    Wow….can’t wait to read the rest of the book!!!!! You truly have a gift, Lysa. Thank you for stepping out and sharing with the world….well maybe not the whole world but us girls!
    I’ve definitely been there and felt this exact way and find myself always assuming someone doesn’t like me or has something against me. This will be another book that I’ll read more than once!!!

    Reply
  23. Traci B.

    This was “breathed” by the Holy Spirit. Can’t wait for your new book. Thank you Lysa!

    Reply
  24. Diann Bell

    I know I make assumptions of what others are thinking and often wrong. I also see my daughter do the same thing. It’s such an important subject and so glad you are making it the topic of your new book!

    Reply
  25. Shannon @ Distracted by Prayer

    Great topic, Lysa and such a needed discussion. I’ve lately been working through pain from a rejection that I believe was caused by someone’s deep insecurity. It really had nothing to do with what I did, but rather what I symbolized to that person. I hope you will give some tools to work through this kind of situation, especially when it happens in the church.

    Something along the lines of “Haters (even Christian ones) gonna hate”…

    Reply
  26. Eileen

    Oh, Lysa that was beautiful. Why is it so hard to Know that our Father God truly loves us so? Do you have a solution? Love, Eileen

    Reply
  27. Wanda

    Feeling rejected when my sister in Christ was not including me (or so I thought) in her get togethers and then posting them on Facebook. I felt rejected and alone to the point I would not take her calls or respond to her emails. Crying out to God in my rejection, He reminded me that forgiveness was my required first step, forgiveness of myself not her. Forgiveness of letting the enemy keep my dearest friend away because of his lies.

    Reply
  28. Diane Senk

    I spend way too much time with hurt feelings and rehashing conversations, wondering why someone doesn’t like me or what I did to cause a rift or problem. I have been working on just loving other people, and assigning positive motives to their behavior instead of feeling rejected. Looking forward to your insights!

    Reply
  29. Tori Lemire

    Lysa, great start to your book. I also really enjoy your writing and look forward to reading this new book.
    I have a young mom acquaintance who is widowed and struggles immensely with real loneliness can you speak to that deep hurt please. As far as the rejection topic I struggle with this on two levels. The first is the one you discussed, imaginary. The second is rejection that I feel from anyone when you don’t see eye to eye on a subject. Rejection for holding different moral standards, creative ideas or even life choices.
    I wish you well on this project as I think most people struggle with rejection and loneliness at some time in their life.
    Blessing to you for your obedience!

    Reply
  30. Pam

    Beautiful Lysa. You have been blessed to speak right to our hearts, right where we are. Thank you for sharing. Can’t wait to see what “living loved” looks like.

    Reply
  31. Shelly

    Rejection and Loneliness….well my husband of 14 years left me the Sunday before Thanksgiving. We both are believers and follow Christ. Yet he now spends most of his nights at another woman’s house that he says is just his friend. He doesn’t want to go to counseling, he doesn’t want to put any effort into fixing our marriage. Over 15 years together….lets just say that I’m feeling more than a little rejected and lonely.

    Reply
    • Cherish

      Shelly,
      My heart breaks for you. I pray for God to wrap His loving arms around you and send you a hug from me to you. A rejection so intensely painful can usher us right into the most sweet time of closeness & fellowship with God. He can meet your every need and I pray for you to be able to depend on Him for strength in each difficult moment. I experienced rejection as a young woman when my father left in a similar situation & my momma cried so many long nights but she clung to her Bible– We read & we read & she would literally fall asleep with her Bible in her aching arms. God drew each of us to Himself in this long season of pain. It felt like a storm that would never end. God miraculously brought my dad to repentance years later. It was definitely not the trial or the timing that I would have chosen but I can say that God brought me to a place of total dependance on Him & He changed my heart and thinking in ways I could have never experienced without the rejection of my daddy propelling me into the arms of my God. I pray this verse for you— May Shelly know that you are her God, who takes hold of her right hand and says to her, “Do not fear; for I will help you.” from Isaiah 41:13

      Love, Cherish

      Reply
  32. Joan

    Lysa. Love this. A lesson I’ve discovered myself is learning to take off the glasses to see reality. Praying to see situations through God’s eyes rather than my own. My perceptions are colored by hurts and lifes experiences good and bad. I also have choices and sometimes I choose to see things positively out of self preservation. Looking forward to reading your next book as always.

    Reply
  33. penny

    I think you asked for other topic related to rejection and I have one I’d like to recommend. Rejection because of competition. I work with someone with whom there is obvious tension. I have reached out several times to build a relationship but each time she has the obligatory conversation but nothing changes. She wants to be promoted and sees me as an impediment.

    Reply
  34. Angela

    You always seem to write for me! I will without a doubt purchase this book!
    I would love a chapter about real rejection also. I had a best friend stop talking to me essentially because I took too long to get over having a miscarriage. I called her, I wrote to her, I emailed her. Nothing. I gave her space. Nothing. She has now not spoken to me for longer than we were friends. It’s been over 6 years and I’m still heartbroken. How does one find peace in situations like this?

    Reply
    • Karen Eberts

      Angela, I just had to write you, because I had a best friend reject me because I didn’t parent the way she thought I should! Out of the clear blue…went from such a close daily connection to not only rejection, but being “replaced” as her best friend by one of MY friends she got to know through me! I never thought we would ever be close again…prayed and prayed, cried, couldn’t sleep…honestly, almost worse than a romantic break-up, as had had my share of those in the past as well! Finally, a couple years later she was moving far away. I took the opportunity to write her a card, affirming all the things I had learned from her, mentioning all the wonderful things I loved about her, etc. I didn’t mention ANYTHING about how she had treated me, or what had happened. That affirmation seemed to be the beginning of the healing of our relationship. Knowing her as I did, she had a lot of unhealed pain from her childhood and family life, and that resulted in her being overly sensitive, always thinking others were judging her, etc. I think she and I had gotten too close emotionally, and she had not had the experience of being loved well enough to accept the affirming love I shared with her so often in our relationship before. After she moved, step by step we began to connect again, little by little. Now when we connect we express our love and appreciation for each other in our lives, and there is an emotional closeness. Yet, I don’t think we will ever have the same kind of connection we did before for many reasons. That is actually a good thing, since I later realized I had given her a place in my heart with emotional intimacy that really should only be shared on that level with the Lord and my husband, or a very mature Christian that has the emotional capacity to both give and receive that depth of connection. The peace came when I no longer yearned for that relationship with her to be the same, and recognized the Lord used it to help me tread a little more cautiously the next time I shared so vulnerably with a good friend. In surrendering what we want but cannot have, the Lord can heal our hearts and teach us the lessons we needed to learn but didn’t want to! God bless you!

      Reply
  35. Kelly Espinoza

    Brilliant!!! I have to stop taking everything to heart! 😀

    Reply
  36. Julie

    My Dad left my mom/us when I was 3 years old. When someone you love steps out of your life, rejection really becomes embedded on a deep level. Healing takes a lot of time.

    Reply
  37. Mariana

    I would love for you to touch on the topic of loneliness and rejection when you are in ministry, especially as a Pastor’s wife. Perhaps get feedback from Holly and Steven Furtick. How you can be surrounded by so many people at church but yet feel so lonely. How as ministers can we trust people without being afraid of getting hurt and rejected.
    Thank you for being an inspiration and for your genuine desire to build up the body of Christ not just in USA but all around the world.

    Reply
  38. Linda Knieper

    I could so relate to this. It is sometimes hard for me to realize that something that resulted in me having hurt feelings was totally innocent on the part of the other person. Rather than allow my feelings to be subject to my perception of how someone else feels about me, I need to focus on who I am in Christ.

    Reply
  39. Cindy Fish

    Lysa, I absolutely cannot wait to read this book. God uses your words and thoughts, ideas, and stories to answer my prayers so often. This book has already made an impact on me. Living Loved, Cindy

    Reply
  40. deb whis

    Yep…. Just this morning, visiting an office where I have several friends, friends who didn’t greet me with their usual enthusiasm. And my topic for a conversation, though I meant well, was NOT what they wanted to talk (or think) about. So I left thinking, “THEY HATE ME!” Took a couple of hours for me to think they may have been busy, or tired, or thinking about other things. DUH! Keep up the good work! I think I’m going to need your new book!

    Reply
  41. Wendy

    This really resonated with me. I have realized that it’s not always about me–yeah, I know… Sometimes people react to you out of their own woundedness. That is not the first thing I think, unfortunately. Most of the time, I am trying to figure out where I went wrong and take on the responsibility for how someone else may respond to me. That’s not my job! I am only responsible for me! When others respond inappropriately, I want to have compassion on them by seeing the value that God has placed on them and love them right where they are–bad day and all. I can rest in knowing I have done the right thing when I have done the right thing. Keeping my mind on things above allows me to not become entangled and love others. Just gotta keep taking those thoughts captive and operate out of the mind of Christ instead of the mind of messy me. Thank you for tackling this issue, Lysa.

    Reply
  42. LaVonna Anderson

    Hi Lysa…. rejection? Oh wow…. some days I think I live my life in full out “rejection avoidance’ mode and then, when a perceived or actual rejection occurs it cuts me off at the knees because in my mind I’ve covered all the angles and this should not be happening. I’m nice, I’m friendly, helpful, considerate, maybe even cute and fluffy… how can you reject me??? LOL My hubby has caught on that when I start a conversation with “Is it just me or ….?” that I need to vent a bit and gain some perspective. Hmmm….. this makes me wonder… is rejection a perception vs. perspective thing? Ok.. let’s go grab a coffee and talk it through. 🙂

    Reply
  43. Susan

    What about this one? I have built up a relationship in my head – the relationship is real, but most of the conversations and situations are entirely in my imagination. Then, when there is real conversation or even real contact, it’s not what was in my head, not the same emotion or intensity or perceived level of loved, so then my feelings are hurt because we’re so much closer in my fantasy world….or is that just flat out crazy? Cause I’d believe that too.

    Reply
  44. Karen Eberts

    Oh, Lysa, your giftedness keeps confirming what I’ve been learning all these years of following the Lord…AND often convicts me just when I need it…or crystallizes what the Lord has been gelling within me….I seem to be quoting you all the time these last number of months!! So thank you! Now, for my comment: As I was reading your chapter, I was so glad you ended it the way you did…of knowing we are loved making all the difference in how we receive people’s comments and actions; that when we are secure in who we are, we don’t automatically assume what we think someone’s perception of us is, but instead give it less weight/importance in our thought life…and perhaps offer them the benefit of the doubt! I came from a place of feeling very lonely many years ago, and the rejection I experienced was truly within myself. After some years of following the Lord, and Him bringing wonderful “brothers and sisters” in the Lord into my life, I was finally secure enough in His and their love to believe I was good, and worth loving! One thing I think would be helpful to include in your book is the idea of how we can get to that place of security in Him. As an example, the power of affirmation truly changed my life. I learned to practice saying these affirmations on a regular basis out loud, as I looked in the mirror. I read them, reflected on them and repeated them often. Things like: I am loved; I am a worthwhile person; I have gifts and abilities; I am talented; I am a good friend, etc. These can be personalized and expounded upon, to make them more meaningful. In addition to the words we say to ourselves, the words from Scripture (what God says about us) can be powerful sources of affirmation to reflect on. Finally, surrounding ourselves with Christians who are loving, non-judgmental and accepting is a great source of healing. While I have certainly faced rejection in my life, that was sudden, unexpected and undeserved…even by close Christian friends…once my self-esteem had grown, their actions and words no longer had the same impact on me as it had in prior years. Recently I had another experience of rejection from someone I had only given love, affirmation and listening to…initially it WAS that punched-in-the-stomach feeling. But SO quickly did the Lord remind me of all those who do love me, and all the affirmation and acceptance I have received for so many years, that the initial surprise of this recent action of this friend had no long-lasting hurt attached to it. In fact, the Lord very quickly let me know that it was something within this friend that had precipitated rejection of me, as He worked through someone I never expected to hear from to assure me that I hadn’t done what this person accused me of…and this was confirmed by other people’s unexpected words to me after this experience as well. While I am fully aware of my own sinfulness, I no longer let “what Satan meant for evil” destroy my peace, and as a result, “God uses it for good!” Again, thank you for your faithfulness to Him and to us! 🙂

    Reply
  45. Laura J

    Advice for starting over (like after a move) and how to keep those assumptions at bay when those around you seem to be total opposites or if you struggle to open up to others.

    Reply
  46. Grace Jones

    I love that! I have had those very same thoughts… And often. Until I read Crash the Chatterbox! It sounds like your book will be just as lifechangingbook and mind changing!!! I can’t wait to read it!
    And I love the thought— it isn’t based on me; its placed on me!

    Reply
  47. Nicole leon

    God has given you an amazing gift in your writing. Your words have really shown me the path to finding God & I can’t wait to read the next book!

    Reply
  48. Carol

    Love this excerpt! Thank you for the down-to-earth reminder that we cannot read people’s minds and we must define ourselves through God’s eyes rather than through our own insecurities or others’ expectations (or assumed expectations!). And the article about 5 things to consider before posting online was excellent! We are currently going through a hateful Facebook firestorm at our church and it is causing such deep hurts and separation. Why is it the Body of Christ has to be so hateful to one another?! Talk about rejection and loneliness…

    Thank you for tackling this important topic in such a wise, God-honoring and realistic manner.

    Blessings!

    Reply
  49. Tammy McComber

    Loved the sneak peek of the new book and yes I have felt the feeling of rejection or judgment from others whether real or imagined. If only I could remember that the only true feeling of acceptance and love comes from God-thanks for the reminder! Keep up the good work-can’t wait to read the completed work.

    Reply
  50. Cassie

    Lysa,
    Reading this, I thought maybe you had somehow gotten inside of my head and were writing about me. 🙂 LOVE it and can’t wait to read more! Thanks for keeping it real and for being honest about your life experiences. Your writings have taught me so much and make me realize I’m not alone in life and all my inadequacies. Thankfully, because of His grace, we get innumerable opportunities to start over and over and over…

    Reply
  51. Adrian

    Loved it! One thing I thought when reading that excerpt was this – when am I the other woman at the gym? Or the grocery store? Or in line at Wal-Mart? When am I so consumed with what’s going on in my world that I miss out on the chance to change or create someone’s perception of me…or them? Shouldn’t I think outside of my own skin more? Shouldn’t I perceive every interaction with someone else as an opportunity to let them know they are not rejected? I guess what I’m saying is this – clearly we are all intimidated by the idea of rejection. We long to be accepted and to “fit in.” So maybe I’ll make it my personal mission to seek others out so they will, at least during our brief interaction, feel accepted.

    Thank for your writing!

    Reply
  52. Mary Bankert

    Thank you for writing again. Thank you for getting into my head and putting on paper the thoughts that roll around up there. Thank you for being so honest by sharing with us the thoughts that roll around in your head. This is going to be another awesome book. I have done exactly that, but then I reach out in hostility to the person, in a defensive way, assuming they are angry with me, or don’t like me. It might be to her face or not be to her face. It might be by gossip behind her back that is based on my perceptions, not truth. When I realize I am so far off base I am not even in the ball park with my opinion, then I beat myself up for being so dumb. I get it Lysa, I really really get it. THANK YOU for sharing, I can’t wait to see the finished book.

    Reply
  53. SHIRLEY SCHUY

    a few years ago, I spent a lot of time never thinking I was dressed as good as a woman whom I considered a friend. I always agonized over what I would wear when we were meeting up. I never felt as well groomed and didn’t have the same kind of money she has. so I was never good enough I thought.
    imagine my surprise one day while we were getting personal together, she felt that she never measured up to the way I dressed or looked.
    so I guess, that I am thinking is the same as you Lysa, in the gym. we were each thinking thoughts for others and it wasn’t even close to being true

    Reply
  54. Suzi Schweir

    Just a note of encouragement as you move forward with this new endeavor. I very much relate to your example of assigning thoughts to others and projecting my perceptions onto them when there is often no (or at least very little!) basis in reality. I know that’s bc I long to please and be liked (ok….even esteemed) by every singe person I meet. Geez! How completely arrogant of me! At 50 years old, I sure thought I’d have this all figured out by now. 🙂
    But I do know that the more I trust God and seek Him to fill my ever seeping love tank, the less I worry about what others think of me and the freer I am to fully function as God’s beloved. Thanks for writing this. I’ll look forward to reading it!

    Reply
  55. Donna Debo

    This is so good! I want to read it for myself, use it in our Women’s Ministry and in the MOMS group I lead at our church! I love how you address so many issues we all deal with, are open with your own mistakes and failings, but always come back to Biblical answers! Thank you! Just love it!!

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  56. Brenda

    I love the sneak peek. Of course, God uses you all the time to minister to my heart. This newest book on rejection is perfectly timed. Assumption and presumption are two things Satan loves to use against me. I can never get enough sound biblical advice and practical tips on how to avoid getting sucked into the vortex of destruction these inevitably are. They lead to discouragement, disappointment, frustration and even good people withdrawing from community. How sad it is when Satan wins by driving servants out of ministry using these sly methods. I can hardly wait to read the book, and hope you create a study to go with it for Women’s Ministries to present at local churches. I love how God uses you!! Keep ’em coming!

    Reply
  57. Jan

    Totally loved this! You had me smiling the whole time.Thanks so much for sharing. I did have some thoughts cross my mind, so if you don’t mind me just throwing out some unorganized thoughts, here we go. Why do we care what people who we’ve never met think of us? What does it matter if they don’t like us? (It’d be their issue, not ours anyways. Guess that means we should be praying for them, not constantly thinking of ourselves. So hard!) Why do we want everyone we ever met to like us, accept us, embrace us, become our best friend or biggest fan. Are we looking for something from others that only God can give us? Why? We already know we shouldn’t. Thanks again, Lysa! God Bless, my friend!

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  58. Barb Gaines

    I’m so excited about your upcoming book, Lysa. You write in such an easy-going way. It’s like talking to my trusted girlfriends who aren’t afraid to admit that they’re real too. We so easily try to put our thoughts in other people’s minds, when in reality, it has nothing to do with us. Keep up the good work!!

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  59. Kristen Rohde

    Wow!! I’m so excited for this book to come out!!! Thank you for writing a book like this… something I believe every woman struggles with.
    This is a little something I learned in my counselling course regarding rejection you may find interesting!

    Everyone has 3 deep inner needs: security, self-worth, significance. Most people are reluctant to go to God to meet these needs, and seek them in other people or things. When these needs are not met a love deficit occurs, rejection is experienced, defences are resorted to, and adverse responses to self and other authority figures develops.
    Dr Bruce Thompson has developed what is known as “The Divine Plumbline” (from his book Walls of my Heart), as referenced in Amos 7:8 “And the LORD asked me, “What do you see, Amos?” “A plumb line,” I replied. Then the Lord said, “Look, I am setting a plumb line among my people Israel; I will spare them no longer.” God sets a plumbline against His people to see how they measure up… it refers to God’s absolutes and everyone has deviated from it. If you imagine a plumbline, straight down the centre, then on one side is rejection (we swing to this side in fear and withdrawal) then in an effort to compensate we swing in the other direction towards rebellion (aggression, which is a rejection of rejection). We can only steady the swing by finding security in our identity in Christ. To protect ourselves from further hurt we build walls around our hearts, the real self is hidden and a false self takes its place. From Ezekiel 13:1-15 “The walls we construct are fragile and built of untempered mortar”(vs 10). This false wall of rejection will fail. The Lord, in his grace, allows crisis to come and break down the walls. If we react rightly, the Lord will be able to build new walls of salvation 🙂

    Sorry that was longwinded… but I find this picture so helpful!

    Reply
    • Sylvia Williams

      Enjoyed your comment!

      Reply
  60. Patty

    Oh babe! I hope somewhere you address the torture of being an adoptive mama of a attachment challenged child who often seems to be filled with disdain, seeming rejection and distance between you and your only child. The WORK to believe it is her pain and fear….not take everything personally.

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  61. Marsha

    Well, you have stirred and peaked my interest in your new book. It is so true how often “we perceive” something from another person that probably has never crossed their mind. Why do we do this? I think our own insecurities causes us to feel that way many times. Good luck with the book. I’ll be looking forward to reading it!

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  62. Kerry

    That was an amazing story! So insightful and I can’t wait to read more on this topic!!

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  63. Sylvia Williams

    Lysa, enjoyed the sneak peak of your newest work in progress! Your assumption of how the woman at the gym felt about you is exactly how many of us perceive others view of us. The way someone looks at us, a half smile or completely ignoring us can be wrongly perceived. Too many times I have judged others by these gestures, only later to find I was wrong about the person. Rejection is a real problem among many women that leads to loneliness and for some depression. Friends of mine who are divorced with grown children seem to exhibit these emotions more than women who are married. Your book will be a great resource for them. I look forward to seeing you at Destiny Worship Center in Destin Florida in April. Good luck with your new book! Sylvia Williams, Destin Florida

    Reply
  64. lisa manis

    I have, so, done that same scenario. My interest is piqued. Thank-you for sharing.

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  65. Lisa

    Loneliness is a double edged sword. It can be a time in life that satan uses as a playground where he makes us twirl on a marry-go-round of second guessing ourselves and slide into feelings of despair or depression.
    All that time spent second guessing and worrying has been wasted. It’s time that was stolen from God.
    Time that could have been used to bring God glory.
    Time that could have been used to thank God for all He has done for us.
    It’s important to pay attention to the lonely times and areas of our lives. There’s a difference between loneliness and time alone. Time alone can be nice and refreshing. Being lonely can be dark and painful.

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  66. Christy mobley

    Lysa, loved it. All so true. Another subject of lonilness and rejection is like to see is: why do we always think what everyone else is doing is better and more fun than what we are doing. There’s this feeling of always missing out. I’m not the only one. I’ve talked to friends who feel the same way. Feeling left out leaves you feeling lonely. It’s like the world is always having a better time than you are. Another crazy, or maybe not!

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  67. Kim Wolford

    Lysa, I must say when I read your idea of writing about rejection and loneliness I got excited! However, I was disappointed (to be honest – that’s what u want right??) with the excerpt and doubt I will buy your book based off of this. I wish you would deal with hard-core loneliness …. I have dealt with that for 8 years. That’s when my husband and best friend was killed in front of our house….leaving me to raise our two kids….then 1st & 3rd grade, one which is special needs. I have tried dating over the years but not many men want to really get involved with someone with the challenges I wrestle with. Moreover, I’m an “older” parent and men my age have their families grown and out of the house and are ready to travel, retire, etc. that kind of loneliness is “hard-core”. I still don’t understand God’s plan with all of this, but I cling to Him each day and try to instill that faith to my kids. My daughter goes to her first Formal next week and she is struggling with the fact that her beloved Daddy isn’t here to see her off. And so am I.
    I enjoy your writing but this book seems trivial to me. Sorry to be so blunt. God Bless!!

    Reply
  68. Sue

    Wow- Lysa… LOOOVE what you have written so far- the mind is a complex thing isn’t it and we have to learn to live in truth and not perceived truth!!! So often we think a thought and let that thought fester into believing the thought and holding it up as the truth!!! Like you have said this mis- judgement can often spring from something lacking in our own lives.
    Writing on how to increase ones self esteem while going through periods of rejection and loneliness would be great..
    I have just been rejected by my friend of 28 years after I encouraged her to put her Christian marriage back together and she didn’t like the biblical advise I gave.. .
    My faith is now strong to withstand this as I know the Lord is in control and not me – it hurts and I am really sad , but I have to know and believe that God is sovereign ..
    Insight into why we feel rejected would be good and Biblical reference and action plans to try to lessen the hold rejection and loneliness have would be good to explore as well..
    I love all your books and have so prayed that you would come to the Colour Conference in Australia as a speaker- ask Christine Caine how awesome it is..
    Would love to meet in person- your books have greatly impacted me.. We are very similar!!!
    Love Sue xx

    Reply
  69. Johnna

    I like it!! I love your perspective on this. So many times I assume I know the thoughts of other people–and those imagined thoughts are not always kind. It is all too easy to react to the imagined thoughts of others, and then my response or behavior is most likely not very Christ-like. At best, it is guarded. We need to live from the position of victorious love we’ve been blessed with. It’s a lot less lonely and brings Him glory. Keep writing, Lysa! I’m so glad ‘your’ best yes is writing 🙂

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  70. Karen Huber

    Wow! So this isn’t only me who makes up whole scenarios in my mind and then (sometimes) realizes weeks or months later that the other person didn’t have a second thought about me? Well, maybe that offends me also – shouldn’t I have been more important than that? 🙂 Also, I sometimes wonder if I obsess about what others think because I sometimes think not-nice things about them? Does it have to all be about me in the corners of my mind? Publicly, I’m more humble and less self-obsessed, but when it’s just down to my mind and me, I can go at it pretty good. OK, I’ve fessed up my deepest, darkest feelings (well, close anyway!). Thanks for writing on the rejection topic….

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  71. Kymm

    What if the woman at the gym really did dislike you? What if your perception was accurate? I would love to see you minister to those dealing with true rejection in every day circumstances. How do we still see us as God does and let His opinion matter more….

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  72. April McMichael

    I can’t wait to purchase this book. My youngest daughter deals with these feelings almost every day. Thank you so much forwriting from your heart.

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  73. Barb

    Love love love this topic. Here are some things I think would be awesome. Our perception, Comparing, our pride , or unfounded gossip that seeks to ruin our reputation, and depression. Perception has so much to do with it all. And how do we change our perception? Another topic……what about when you’ve been slandered and it’s not truth? ……but others have now heard the gossip and believe the non truth……it’s rejection . Comparison…( I bet so and so never feels this lonely ache)…….just knowing that other women feel loneliness too, (even the strong, put together ones!)…..helps relieve some of the loneliness. Moves, busy husbands, non attentive husbands, growing kids, all aid in our feelings of loneliness. But when we have lonely days…..we are not alone. Feeling alone/rejected makes women feel depressed. ( not the clinical kind) Also, our pride gets in the way from admitting that we hurt….if only we could all be “real” with each other…with loneliness or rejection. ….….…. We are all victorious broken women. Thank you for writing this book!

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  74. Jill Steele

    Dear Lysa,
    Just browsing the comments moves my heart deeply. What a need we have to be loved and accepted as we are! This book is going to be a huge blessing to many people!
    I would like to see you address how rejection can be used of God as well as what God brings out of the times of rejection as He turns those hard times to His good glory. God bless you, precious sister!

    Reply
  75. Brooke

    Lysa,
    Thank you so much for addressing this subject, I don’t know how many times I find myself, in my own mind running this dialogue of what I just “know” someone else is thinking of me. I find myself so badly wanting to be liked and accepted for who I am, that I just know that the person next to me only sees the the bad or not so flattering parts of me. When I allow our Lord to speak to those insecure places in myself, I begin to realize that just maybe what I perceived someone was thinking of wasnt even true at all, and dare I even say maybe they themselves were running the same dialouge.
    I can’t wait to read this book!
    Thank you!!

    Reply
  76. Amber Nixon

    Oh yes! How many times have we read too much into a look, glance, or a sentence? It’s so easy to get wrapped into what we think we should feel and keep those feelings replaying like a broken record until the cows come home. I’m very excited to read the truths you write and how we should lean on God more in these times of defeat, self-doubt and feeling unwanted because with God we are none of these things. Love ya!

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  77. Susan

    I discovered rejection & loneliness when my husband of 34 years walked out 3 years ago for greener pastures. I lost my job of 12 years due to my age, I just turned 60. I have been battling deep depression, rejection & loneliness. I pray for guidance & knowledge but feel like my prayers are falling on deaf ears. While I hope no one has to hurt like I do I look forward to the hope I am not alone & will someday be rescued.

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  78. Sherry

    You have always had a way of making me feel like you are speaking directly to me! With each of your books I feel like you know exactly how I feel only you are able to put my feelings into these wonderfully fluent & flowing words & also give me such wonderful advice.
    Thank you for continuing to remind me how much I mean to God & how much I need to love Him in return.

    Reply
  79. Lori

    Lysa,
    I love what you wrote. You have a gift of packing so many wonderful points into a short amount of text. I can relate to it all. What stood out the most was “Live Loved”. I have Complex PTSD which is due to prolonged childhood trauma and neglect. It took God 20 years to get me to stop striving and learn to Live Loved, and I am still learning. My suggestion, learning how to Live Loved for those with mental illnesses, those who have not bonded with parents as children, or those who have not had a role model to help them see how God really loves us. A start with basics approach and how to grow in His Love where there is no lonliness or rejection. Prayers as you proceed!

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  80. Tara

    I can’t wait for this book! Oh how I need it! All of your books hit home in such real and honest ways! Thank you for sharing your heart!

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  81. Janelle

    Without words on how you captured this growing moment in turning your mind around to God’s positive position. Everyday hurdles leave us with scars on our hearts mostly from self inflicting wounds on our self-esteem. Instead of stepping outside our comfortable pride that circles around us and damages our ego so well, we assign and assume the worst about people before they have a chance to prove the best of themselves. I been there and those I assume think the worst about me never gave me a second thought.. yup you hit the feelings of rejection on the proverbial head!

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  82. Vicki

    Lysa….not even the first chapter written and already I am moved to tears by your words about how we need to accept the unfathomable, unending, never changing and absolute unconditional love of the one who came to earth and died SO THAT we may live….even before The BEST YES, I had become a fan of yours and have shared with other women how your words in devotionals and in your books have touched my heart and soul…I have Made to Crave in my AMAZON cart waiting to be purchased because I need to work on my own marshmallow body lol and I want to crave things that are more godly and less worldly. I look forward to this book and I can already tell from the comments so far, God has got you on another journey that will touch the lives of women worldwide, including your own…God Bless and with love, Vicki

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  83. Dee Dee

    I have dealt with rejection my whole life. I was the kid who was teased and bullied in school. My mom was verbally abusive and reminded me daily of how much she wished she never had me. I have struggled with friendships and trusting others. As a a mother, I am insecure and constantly worried about what others think. I read God’s word but somehow don’t think it applies to me. How could this ugly insecure woman ever be confidant. I am lonely and need a book to help me become more confident in the face of rejection. Maybe then I can break these chains and move forward.

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  84. Samara

    Lysa, I love this! Thank you for being so real and not only sharing but teaching us right thinking! I don’t go to a gym in fear of what people will think of me, but weekly I have similar scenarios in my life as the gym episode you shared. Now you’ve given me a different way to look at these episodes, if I look just as a child of the Lord looks then it’s really not as it seems and if it is, handle it with love! Thank you!

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  85. Kamea Hope

    Lysa,
    I loved the humor with which you share this very serious topic. I especially smiled at the -marshmallow dressed in a t-shirt – bit 🙂
    In all seriousness though, this is a very serious topic. There is book by John Bevere (and accompanying curriculum) called The Bait of Satan: Living Free from the Deadly Trap of Offense. Bevere asserts that baiting people to take offense (which I associate very closely with the issue of rejection) is one of the primary tactics that Satan uses to keep people from living within the will of God. I do not believe in demonizing every negative in our lives, but ignoring the reality of spiritual warfare is not helpful either. Perhaps you could address this in your book 🙂
    Blessings,
    Kamea

    Reply
  86. Stela

    Oh Lysa! How I love reading your words. I always feel like we’re girlfriends talking over coffee. I can’t wait to read the rest of the book. I’m hoping you will have the chapter regarding the voices in our head that say we’re too fat, skinny, old, young, etc. We all do it but, that reminder that we are daughter’s of God is always so helpful & you write that reminder better than anyone I know.

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  87. Annemarie

    A great read! It often feels like no other person experiences these feelings but you. Thank you for addressing this. I’d like to know how you can deal with lonliness after moving to a new place. I’ve found a great church, serve there and do volunteering once a week but feel like the connections I’ve made are only surface level. Maybe I’m looking for relationships to develop to fast but it seems like others immediately click and are having girlfriend hang outs.

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  88. Cherish

    Lysa,
    I identified with this post completely and cannot wait for the rest of the book!!! I need to live in God’s love instead of looking for everyone and everything around me to help me feel loved. You are hilarious!!! Your writings often make me feel like I am sitting across the table having coffee with a great friend that speaks truth to me and makes me laugh all at the same time! I am going to live today with out being bound by my need to feel loved– and tomorrow and the next day too! Thank you for helping me change my thinking in such a revolutionary way.
    Cherish

    Reply
  89. Jamie Taylor

    I am so looking forward to this book, Lysa! The practicality in which you speak and write is so refreshing. Instead of telling us what’s wrong with us and making us feel silly, you come to with a humble heart of one who’s “been there, done that.” It makes you so endearing, and a delight to take instruction from. I so appreciate your faithfulness to the calling God has placed upon your life. I pray that the LORD blesses you and keeps you, and causes His face to shine upon you!

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  90. Karen

    Thanks for sharing Lysa. Excited to read your next book!

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  91. LiZ c

    WOW!!! I have felt that perspective rejection so many times More then I can count! Knowing that I am loved unconditionally no matter what is what I need to remember. I wish I could have a permanent post it note in my line of sight so that I can remember that God loves me even when those situations happen. How cool would it be for someone to see you smiling all the time and what that joy of knowing they are loved!! What a testimony!

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  92. Jamie Taylor

    Oh, and I wanted to tell you that I’m leading “The Best Yes” Bible study at our church, and we start tomorrow! I am so excited for the ladies to get into the principles from God’s word that you shared in that book. It has made SUCH an impact on my life!

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  93. Rosie

    I love your transperant heart. You have no idea how you words impact me. In so many levels many of us can relate and I for one truly appreciate your calling. Keep typing girlfriend:-)

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  94. Leslie Brady

    I loved the snippet from the upcoming book and so relate to it. I have thoughts all the time about why I think people don’t like me or did something to me and I’m sure 90% of the time what I’m thinking has no basis in reality! I think in this book maybe we could use some scriptural reminders about why life isn’t about us and what makes us comfortable but about serving others with God’s love not our limited human conditional love.

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  95. Sandra

    Lysa, I absolutely love your writing style and the things about which you write. God will use this book in a mighty way just as He has the others you have written. I can’t wait to read what comes next because just like the other women commenting here, your words apply to me also. Thank you for being an instrument of God!

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  96. Rhoda

    I am looking forward to learning how to resolve rejection when it has created an awkwardness within a relationship.

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  97. Teresa Ray

    As usual Lysa, you nailed it in the sample of your new book. The things we do to ourselves, say to ourselves, etc. You also nailed it when you described the stress we go through when we don’t feel we measure up. From this Marshmallow’s perspective, I was right there in the Gym with you in that moment. One thing you mentioned in your email is “other topics we might like you to consider.” We’ll here’s issue some of us live with and I’ll lay it out nicely on this very public space, some of us have been married – more than once. We live with (in our mind) the public snarl of disgust and the snicker of judgment …… or do we. We’re pretty hard on ourselves when we have to reference ex husband(s) and secretly we feel like we failed life’s biggest test. We get through it on our knees – like most challenges in life. Because God holds us tightly – especially when we’re feeling weak. On the outside, however, we’re bold, sassy, confident and in control. Maybe somewhere in your writing you can help those of us living with the public tattoo of divorce that eats away at our confidence …… at times. We know God is in control and loves us unconditionally. There is no doubt in Him – only in us! Thank you again for everything you do and every word you write. You are an inspiration and I’m thrilled to be a part of your Compel program. Blessings..

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  98. Marci

    Thank you so much for writing this and sharing this excerpt–so refreshing to think of all the interactions driven by the imagined reactions/factors that we can easily believe represent reality. So much else I would like to say. Praying God continues to guide your heart and pen to minister to others.

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  99. Laura

    I can’t wait to read your new book! I know for myself I have often struggled with feeling rejection whether real or perceived in my marriage, so I’d love to hear how to combat that.

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  100. Sandy

    I so love the “glimpse” of your new book. Why do women do this? Men wouldn’t think about 90% of the things that we analyze over and over in our minds. I have always said that I don’t have a drinking problem but a thinking problem. What is funny is when we replay these “gym scenarios” and tell then to our husbands (if we dare) or other girlfriends, it just doesn’t quite seem as intense as it did when were experiencing it. My husband would remind me that everything is not about me. How can I know that the Target cashier who has it out for me because of the way she looked at me, etc. My husband says you have no idea what is going on in her life. She may have a sick baby at home and was up all night as the baby cried. Maybe her shift was over and you were her last customer and she didn’t have any energy left. My husband so lovingly reminds me not to read some much into things (which I am the queen of). So maybe a lot of our reflection is in our minds. We make it up by wasting our energy conjuring up the scenarios in our mind. How do I stop this? How do I quit analyzing it all? For me personally it leads back to my insecurities. I feel inferior or less of something … A Mom, friend.
    , wife, workout queen, co- worker … I don’t measure up…the bottom line is that I am too hard on myself. I look forward to your book diving into a feeling that is near and dear to my heart. Thanks again!

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  101. Kristin

    As always Lysa, you are tackling real life issues for real life women. Loneliness and rejection are sometimes consequences of our own actions. The horrible need to measure up and please and achieve is all tok much to bear sometimes. I know I’ve chosen to decline opportunities or invitations simply because of how in my own mind and perception I think I will compare too others. So rather than face it, I suffer in silence. I don’t go to the party because “everyone else will be there with their significant other” and I have no one to accompany me. Or I don’t even attempt a new activity because I may not be a leader or one of the best, then the others “might ridicule me or pass judgement” thus causing my own isolation and despair. When in actuality I’m the one passing judgement unfairly on circumstances and interactions that have not or may not even happen. The pursuit of perfection and constant comparison are two significant sources of these two issues for me, perhaps others too. Thanks for the opportunity to read and your gracious willingness to allow your fans to have a peek into your process and maybe even spark some creative energy . God bless you and may he reward you for your obedience faithfulness and diligence on this book.

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  102. Becki

    Lysa, this subject resonates with me because I have dealt with rejection and loneliness most of my life. My mother started this endless cycle by telling me, as a child, that if there had been birth control then I would never have been born. Now, I was too young to know what that meant at the time but never forgot it. Strange! It doesn’t take much to bring all that junk to the surface!
    God had a plan then and He has one now!! Praise Him!

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  103. Laurie

    I can’t wait to read this book!!!! I can SO relate!!! 😉

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  104. Ann

    It would be nice to have a way to determine the imagined rejection that is in our heads and messes with us vs the actual rejection that is real and very hurtful. From a parent that could never be pleased to a friend or spouse that didn’t get their needs met or neighbors who’s dance card is apparently full and have no need for another friend. Are we supposed shake it all off like wannabe Taylor Swifts or is there a lesson the Holy Spirit is trying to teach but we’re slow to learn?
    BTW, those of us who actually do resemble marshmallows have a hard time with someone as lovely and slim as you hijacking our mascot. Just sayin….

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  105. Jennifer

    I’m so very excited about your book topic! I have definitely struggled with feelings of rejection. When I feel rejected, I struggle with wanting to make the other person want me back or be sorry for their rejection of me. I spend a lot of time stewing in how I can change to please the other person and what they may be thinking of me. It’s time and energy wasted when I should really move on. Great topic! I’ll pray that God speaks to you and is with you while you are working on it!

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  106. Sally Lunsford

    How can I learn to accept people who just get on my nerves because they act like they know it all? One of them will often correct me …. give their opinion like it is better than mine …. then smile this awful condecending smile. I love her mom so much but have a hard time just being around her.

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  107. Gidget

    Lysa,
    I know this is a feel good book and I can’t wait to read it! And I know I’m one of so many, but gosh have I been struggling with this on so many levels in my life. One thing I’m dealing with rejection from my son and d-i-l. I want to be a normal grandmother to their 7 month old child. But as in so many women in my position I get left out. A lot! Actually my whole family has been left out. I have stepped away from the situation because it just hurts so much. Please, if you can, address the sadness of those who get so excited about being a grandmother and being so left out. I try not to dwell on it but its really hard to rejoice in missing out on all the precious time right now.
    Thank you Lysa.
    God bless you in all your endeavors.

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  108. sara

    yes. yes. yes!

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  109. Sally Lunsford

    By the way I like your writing style. Look forward to this new book.

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  110. Lea Ann

    I cried while reading your post. Clearly it triggered something in me… and then I started scrolling down the comments to get to the comment form..and I began to feel not good enough. The comments were different than what I was going to write, my words don’t matter, etc.

    Your topic cut to the core of me and I’d say I have a close relationship with Jesus, am in ministry, am introverted but love being around people (once I’ve gotten enough alone time) but lately it’s felt like a season of loneliness. I’m in my forties, never married, and have begun having thoughts of “I’m not enough.” Going through a holiday alone where there’s no spouse and I feel like an outsider in my own family full of couples and kids. Knowing I’m created by God to be relational and love more than anything to experience something and turn to someone and talk about it. It’s why I don’t take real vacations and travel on my own. I spend all vacation days doing things with and for family. And lately, it’s gotten tiring and wearying to be alone. Married friends shake their heads and can’t figure out why I’m alone nor can they feel the deep aloneness I feel and the perceived (there’s that word!) rejection since no one has ever found me enough – enough to seriously date, enough to marry, enough to say “let’s do life and ministry together!” My mind knows “I’m enough” but my heart hurts and says “no, no I’m not”. I try to mention the topic to friends but get brushed off… so I don’t know how others feel about the topic. Really looking forward to your book. 🙂

    Reply
  111. Nicole

    How can we get beyond worrying about what people think about us and focus on what God thinks and wants for us? Girls of all ages are more concerned about what random people think and allow those perceptions to impact them. When we get rejected we need to get beyond that and move on. I don’t have the answers but I know you have an incredible ability to find it in scripture!!

    Reply
    • stacey

      i agree, i think we as women of all ages worry too much about what other people think of us and sometimes we try to hard to please them and “keep up with the Jones'” type of thing.

      Reply
  112. Beth

    I want to read this book its gonna be Awesome! Thankyou

    Reply
  113. Cathy

    Wow. This is so me for so many years growing up with a Mom who was all about everything being “just so” and making sure I did all the right things and said the right things. I’ve struggled with letting go of being “perfect” and accepting that God made me who He wants me to be. I’ve had to uncover just who that is and realize I really like that “me”. I still have those old demons that want to take hold sometimes so this speaks straight to my heart. Can’t wait to read it.

    Reply
  114. Genny West

    I looooooove it! Cant wait to read it all! I can totally relate..always thinking and digging too deep with what others are thinking…insecurity welling up..thanks soooo much Lysa!

    Reply
  115. Liz

    I am so excited for this book! Loneliness is something I battle with often, despite having friendships all around me. I would love to read about how to fill that void with God. It doesn’t seem possible to have God as a “friend,” even though He obviously can be. But how do I actually do that?

    Reply
  116. Pat

    Lysa, your words are a gift from God. I am constantly dealing with words inside my head of not being good enough to be anybody’s friend or God’s daughter. Your words remind us that God’S love is constant and never ending. Thank you.

    Reply
    • Kim

      Pat, I have the same struggle; there is a constant barrage of negative comments stringing through my head everyday, analyzing each and every look or word spoken to me (or not to me) and assuming it is all about me and it is all negative. Oh how do we stop these horrid thoughts?!?! I would NEVER say to anyone else the horrid things I tell myself about myself. Why can’t I be as gentle with myself as I am toward others?

      Reply
  117. Kristen

    This is great. Something we all unfortunately can relate to. It’s amazing what our minds we have us believe before we realize what is happening. I look forward to reading this book.

    Reply
  118. Janet

    Wow. Yah, that hit home. I have battled the inner voice since childhood. Raised in a foster home, as a child all I knew was lonliness and rejection, both real and perceived, which follows us into adulthood. I constantly rewind in my thoughts conversations Ive had with others until I convince myself they think I’m stupid or don’t like me. I know in my head I need to ground myself in who I am in Christ and not in what I think others think of me. But in my heart I feel shame. It’s quite exhausting. It’s also unfair to others to project my negative self perceptions on others and hold them responsible (I think I may have gotten that from a book of yours!). I believe the reason I have had very few friends is because of my anxiety and unfounded fears of how people dislike me. It distances people. My pastor spoke on intimacy this weekend and it really opened my eyes to the walls I have built to protect myself from vulnerability, distancing my husband and children. Love your books and your transparency!

    Reply
  119. Bambi Beachler

    I too am looking forward to what you have to share in this book. What you have shared hit home and
    is a great reminder of who loves us each completely – The Lord … Thank you for being a vessel to be used … God bless.

    Reply
  120. Holly

    I think this is SUCH an issue for women. I find I need to fill up some of my mental space to prevent myself from churning on scenarios like this. If I run without a sermon, music, or a friend, like with just my mind, often I’m all worked up about something by the end that probably is completely unrealistic – my friends don’t love me enough to meet me for a run to chat or for safety even, that comment my husband made had all sorts of undertones behind it, my kids should be doing 100x better than they are so something’s wrong with my mothering, etc. Nothing realistic. It’s like I can’t be alone with my own thoughts sometimes. Too much mental space, lack of involvement with others or outside the house, etc. are so detrimental for my mind. We’ve battled dairy and gluten intolerances at my house for the last two years and it’s isolated me more and more. There’s times I’d be in the kitchen just churning over how no one else has to do all this work, everyone else can just order a pizza, etc. Truth has to be going into our minds. Sometimes now when I prep breakfast, I play a proverb too. It takes effort to plug in with others and fight being isolated in this time. People seem so busy doing their own thing or so busy doing 100 “good things” that friendships are left in the dust. I’m so glad you’re addressing this!!

    Reply
  121. Laura

    These sound like the thoughts that go through my head on a daily basis. It is comforting to know I’m not the only one having them. Knowing HOW you came to realize it was all in your head might help me get to the same conclusion, and how you continue to keep the healthy mindset. (All of these, I’m sure, you are already planning to include.).

    Reply
  122. Wendy Watters

    I read an article by a woman turning 90 who wanted a few do overs.
    One of her absolutes was to quit worrying about what others think of
    You, because it’s none of your business. I loved that. I try to only
    Concern myself with hat God thinks of me, loved forgiven child of the King
    But truth to tell, sometimes i do care what someone else thinks of me.

    Reply
  123. Amie

    I love the snippet of your new book! I can tell it promises to be another winner.. Isn’t it funny how we can build things up in our head and perception is usually so far away from reality? I would love to see you talk more about this in your book!

    Reply
  124. Erin Kessler

    This book is going to be just what my mom needs. She recently went through a divorce and is feeling just that, rejected and now alone. It has been hard on all of us, but especially for her. She feels like I am the only person she has now, but also doesn’t not want to be a burden to me. I feel so bad because I wish I could take away her pain. I am just continuing to pray for comfort and healing and that she will know how much her Father in heaven loves her and is always with her! I can’t wait for this book to come out. I will definitely be buying it for her! Xoxo

    Reply
  125. Megan

    This is so true! I honestly believe that our problem is that we see everything from only our perspective. I feel that when we step back and rethink and reconsider the situation we can see what is really going on. I feel that it is our responsibility as Christian women to take a step back and to rethink what is really going on when we get rejected. Rejection is hard but I feel that when we take the moment and think about the situation in a different light, or with newer eyes, we can understand that our rejection is really something else. Thanks Lysa for this update and I look forward to reading your book!
    ~ Megs (your 14 year old fan!)

    Reply
  126. Rose

    Lysa, I loved what you wrote. I think that is true in so many cases, and I am sure I have experienced something very similar many times through the years. Perhaps you can write about past feelings of rejection that you can no longer do anything about, but they live in your memory bank and often come back to haunt you. Love your ministry, Rose

    Reply
  127. Laura

    I can’t wait to hear more!

    Reply
  128. MC

    This is great. If your new book can help me stop worrying about the perception I “think” others have about me, I will pre-order now. I am really looking forward to it. Thank you.

    Reply
  129. Jerri

    I can relate so much to your feelings. In fact, many of your writings seem directed right at me. Thank you for expressing what so many of us feel. I look forward to reading this new book.

    Reply
  130. Sarah B

    Would love to see verses and practical steps to get my focus back on my AUDIENCE of ONE (God) when I am off in my little world forming stories about what everyone probably thinks of me!

    Reply
  131. Carolyn Dale Newell

    I love this! This is really how we think. We think somebody is rejecting us when really they are not.

    Reply
  132. Kim DeNeefe

    WOW!!! I love this!!! I can so relate to these feelings and I cannot wait until this book comes out! I am so guilty of making things so much worse in my mind and I know that this is not God’s plan for my life! Way to go Lysa! You are my favorite author!!!! Thank you for being so real, so transparent.

    Reply
  133. Hope

    This was incredible and so much of what I needed to hear. It’s so easy to have perceived slights or believe people think negative things of us when we’re not living loved. Can’t wait to hear more of this.

    Reply
  134. Karen G

    I could totally relate to the story….. Look forward to the book…. I can think of a couple of instances, where this kinda of thoughts happen. The women’s ministry leaders, Book Club & Work Meetings. Sometimes it’s just easier to keep to yourself…

    Reply
  135. Fiona

    Could you address being rejected by other christians.
    Also could you address being the “single girl” (whether youve never been married, are divorced with/without kids, or never married but have kids) but pretty much all of your friends are married, or in longterm relationships that will undoubtedly turn into engagements.
    🙂

    Reply
  136. Mary

    Can’t wait to read your whole book. I hope there’s something there dealing with feeling ‘Unimportant’ to others, especially family. I just keep telling myself to be happy with who you are even if it’s just you and God.

    Reply
  137. Diane

    Yup. That’s me! As if life doesn’t have enough battles in the realm of real and we have to go ahead and create more! Can’t wait for the book! You’re speaking my language… AGAIN!!!

    Reply
    • Kim

      Amen!

      Reply
  138. Angie Connolly

    Wow! Much needed. I have felt real life rejection and the ones that go on in my head are so much worse!! I have a way of being a but intense and I think that scares people off so maybe u know how to solve that and can out it in the book? I can use all the help I can get! U r an amazing writer and I love how I do feel like I’m sitting on a porch swing with u as we discuss stuff! Tomorrow I’m starting The Best Yes video bible study with our bible study group. I’m so excited to get my overcommitted life straight! God bless u for all u do!!

    Reply
  139. Leslie

    Lysa, you are a fabulous writer, this will be great!

    Reply
  140. Launie Stare

    This was so good and thoughtful, I forwarded this to the ladies in my family. Looking forward to even more! Write fast. 😉

    Reply
  141. Tammie

    I battle rejection all the time. I wish so many times i were the kind of person who could let it roll off my back. I sometimes get so tied up in knots about what i think others think of me that i get physically ill.

    This book is needed.

    Reply
  142. Molly Dragert

    Thank you for daring to write about these subjects of loneliness and rejection. The enemy wants nothing more than to divide and separate us, especially as women, and tries to use loneliness and rejection to do that. We must fight our way though with choices, God rooted choices that lead to freedom and acceptance because after all we are just looking for a place where we belong.

    Thanks for the sneak peek at your new book. I’m BEYOND excited to get my hands on it as I know the Lord has more work for me to do in this area.

    Reply
  143. Kara Bridgers

    You had me at the NY high rise and an elephant had a baby! Lol. Seriously though, it is very difficult to get over what I think others are thinking about me! Can’t wait to read the book!!!

    Reply
  144. Melissa

    You keep writing, girl ! God has already used your words to speak to me. These are words I need to hear!
    Thank you

    Reply
  145. Christina

    THIS IS AWESOME! AND I AM EXCITED TO READ THE FINISHED PRODUCT 🙂

    Reply
  146. Leona

    This is wonderful……..I really needed to hear this at this moment……I can wait to get this book……would love to meet you in person someday…….

    Reply
  147. Theresa

    I just had one of those “slammed against a brick wall” encounter with someone I barely know. I prayed for her because she misinterpreted a statement I made in front of her once and know that I am loved and loving. She has the problem but I have the sting. I have chosen to overcome her outlook of me and forgive that dear,misguided sister.

    Reply
  148. Kelie

    I’m pretty good at brushing off the “slights” of strangers – my problem is with perceived slights from my husband. I suffered a very traumatic breakup with a guy I thought I would marry. He betrayed me and left me broken. I have now been blessed with an incredible husband who I know in my heart would not do those same things to me, but when we have an argument all my old insecurities rise up. In the heat of the moment, I forget that I’m a forgiven, loved child of God and my old defenses kick in – I’ll hurt you before you have a chance to hurt me. Any advice for how to “live loved”? How to live through the bad moments with the joy that is in my heart in the good moments?

    Reply
  149. Julie Wilson

    This is going to be a wonderful book. We all deal with these thoughts. I hope your book has a chapter on how to deal with these thoughts when a person allows them to have power over them. I struggle in this area. I am actively seeking God and His wisdom in this area.

    Reply
  150. Laurie

    I love it… live loved!

    Reply
  151. Amy

    So glad I found the link to this excerpt from your new book. These were much needed words on something I have been struggling with. Unfortunately our heads get in the way of real life and convince us that what we think is real when it is a lie used to distract us from how our God sees us. Can not wait to read this book. Looks like it was written just for me.

    Reply
  152. Rhonda Oglesby

    I do this too. I needed to read this tonight. Great start to a great book!!

    Reply
  153. Peg J. Ribble

    Oh I just loved this already!! Can’t wait to get this one:) I really don’t have any ideas for ya, sorry.

    Reply
  154. Dawn

    Dawn Lysa, My hubby and I have ten children. We love them all and they love us. So, with all those people around me, you would think that I would feel really loved! But, NO!, if someone says something or does something, I jump to conclusions as to why they said or did what they did. I turn it around in my mind and many many times turn it into something against me, when in reality, they probably didn’t mean anything by it. And it isn’t just with my children, but with extended family, people at church, friends, acquaintences, etc. I never say anything, so there are no arguments, but I mill it around and around and turn it into something bad that I did, and that they have every right because I am a lousy person. I am very, very guilty of this and have worried so much about what I think other people think of me, that in the past, I’ve even ended up in a mental facility with such severe depression, that I just didn’t want to live anymore. I use to wonder why in the world God allowed me to be born, why He allowed me to be blessed with all these children when at times I couldn’t take proper care of them, and why would He allow me to feel this kind of mental pain and just want to die. I have, with counseling, gotten past these feelings of being unnoticed and not mattering to others, but still, once in a while, they creep up again. With the Lord’s help, I have mostly overcome these feelings of inadequecy, but Satan can be very convincing at times, and I still need reminders. I know this book would help a lot as I have read several of your books which have helped me immensely! Thank You!

    Reply
  155. Sayward

    This will be a book for the sexes. Yes, we as women over analyze every aspect of every relationship we encounter: from the person on the plane next to us to the kid that sticks out his tongue at us to our personal familial relationships. That’s the nurturer within us as women or maybe it’s a part of the original sin that befell Eve due to her indecisive nature, as well as her “it’s only an apple” mentality. However, men will get a personal look into how women breakdown their thoughts of each daily interaction. I can’t wait to read this book.

    Reply
  156. Loretta Grapes

    Love that you are writing about these subjects that can paralyze our purpose and power for Gods Kingdom. Myself included and others I know seem to listen to the father of lies more than the Father who loves us. The verse Romans 8:1. Therefore there is NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus , seems to be one of the harder Promises of our God to believe and live by. That stronghold of condemnation was revealed to me by the Holy Spirit. Few years back. I had asked Jesus to reveal to me the strongholds in my life and this is the one that year of my life that He showed me. I asked Him to show me what the root of it was and where it came from. My childhood, the words spoken over me as a child I unfortunately remembered and held onto. So as I matured into adulthood I continued to believe the lies and my enemy made sure if I forgot them he would remind me. Praise God and His. Marvelous Word and washing myself daily with the Truth of His word that stronghold was as broken!
    The Power of the Word of God and choosing to listen to the Truth of my Father has set me free. Thanks for sharing this little snippet and tasty morsel with us. I will be praying for the Holy Spirits leading.

    Reply
  157. Linnie

    Wow! Could I identified with your word. Your humorous approach to a difficult topic was a key the Lord used to release me from years of bondage! Thank you!

    Reply
  158. Wendi

    So true. We as women tend to over analyze. I was once reminded people don’t think about us as often as we think they do. We need to remember how powerful our thoughts are, and choose to think on what is good and right, what we know to be true. I love the line, “live loved.” Can’t wait to read the rest!

    Reply
  159. Kristen

    Wow! I need this book. I’m constantly having these thoughts in my head and assuming that people think the worst in me. I really do not want this “curse” to be passed onto my daughters, but I already see them assuming that other girls are talking about them badly or that they won’t be accepted. I love all of your books and feel that God has dropped these words into your heart to pass onto me specifically….thank you for reminding us that God’s love is constant and unconditional!!! I can’t wait to pre-order this book!

    Reply
  160. Crystal P.

    I can’t wait to read more! You spoke right to my heart, I’ve been struggling with this like crazy recently. I need to remember that, live loved. Beautiful.

    Reply
  161. Nicki Koziarz

    Oh gosh Lysa … this is so good! {and hysterical!} What a needed message for women to step back and see if what happened in their heads is the way it REALLY happened.

    Just tonight, one of my girls took something I said weeks ago and twisted and turned it to fit into her pity party she was having. It made me so mad! But while reading this I thought, we women do this all the time!

    I think also a great angle will be for you to hit on friends who tend mis-read what you’re saying. Ex: You say, “Can’t have lunch this week.” They think, “I don’t want to be your friend anymore.” But in reality, you really just can’t have lunch this week. 🙂

    Keep going!! This is huge struggle for I’d say most women. xoxo

    Reply
  162. Laura

    Oh my goodness love it can’t wait! I would love to see a part on dealing with friendship jealousy and taking friends away.

    Reply
  163. cherie pizzuto

    This is so relevant to how I go about my days…imagining all of the disgust people must have for me. I tell myself that God loves me, but honestly sometimes that doesn’t feel real and I convince myself that the people I have to work and live with know me better than the One who created me. I know it’s a lie from the devil, but I wonder how can so many people have so many problems with me if I am all God says that I am. Sometimes I am ashamed to even say I love and trust in God because I don’t want to tarnish who He is to the world. I know that how I feel about me is also pride, but the abandonment of my earthly father HSS left scars that unfortunately I have allowed to define my perception of myself. Thank you for showing me that I’m not the only person who makes up these scenarios in my mind that may be true, but just maybe they are lies meant to rob Mr of my joy and my wonderful testimony…maybe!

    Reply
  164. Nicollette

    Love the insight to your next book and love even more that you asked for input to help you tread this daring water a out the realistic issue that we women face with ourselves and each other. I am a young wife, in my mid 20’s with no children yet. Well it’s been really hard for me to find meaningful true friendships with other young married christian women. I don’t think I’m the only young Christina wife to deal with this. I say that because how can we make/find friends with other women if we don’t even know who we truly are yet. I believe the 20’s are all about changing and growing to the women you think you are but aren’t there yet, if that makes sense. My other issue is that I get turned away from “cliques” at church with other young wife’s my age because I feel rejected right there when I see that they’ve already formed their friendships and how could I compete with that? I turn away with thoughts of a high school girl who can’t sit at the popular table. Looking very forward to our next book and I know whatever it includes Will speak to each of us women on some level. Thank you for being you!

    Reply
  165. wende

    LOVE this….so appropriate on so many levels. Would like to be able to share with my two teenage daughters who are forever complaining about perceived wrongs that the other girls or kids have done….about how they are hated by these other girls….and yet the only thing to base it on is their very own thoughts. Would also love to see you address how texting and social media does a number on us in terms of rejection because when we do relationships by text, we lose the entire context of facial expressions and tone of voice and intent of words.
    Thanks for all the writing you do. It means so much and always inspires.

    Reply
  166. Brittany

    Wonderful words of wisdom. So glad the Lord has given you the words for this book. This is a daily struggle. I am very excited to read this book!

    Reply
  167. Tammy

    Lysa,
    You have captured the inner thoughts of many intimidated women. When especially we once had that “young, tight body” and no longer feel beautiful after stretching out for children. This is a contentment issue as much as our enemy trying to divide us. The competition and comparisons between women and mothers needs truth spoken.
    May God continue to guide your hands as you write this! And Amen!

    Reply
  168. Cassie

    I would love it if you could somehow incorporate a section in your book about singleness and the expectations that sometimes we single girls place on ourselves, thinking that maybe we need to fit in with the crowd in having a husband. There is a certain amount of loneliness and misunderstanding that often complicates relationships with others. Sometimes goals and aspirations don’t match up to the common step forward in life that leads to marriage and family. Singleness is a beautiful journey but one that offen carries the burden of loneliness and feelings of rejection by society or even loved ones.

    Reply
  169. Shelli

    I am so guilty of this. Thank you for sharing and for being so transparent and allowing God to use you.

    Reply
  170. Nikki

    Oh this looks like it will be a really good book! I know we have all felt rejection–imagined and real.
    I know I feel rejected sometimes at work going unnoticed. And I really feel rejected with have no boyfriend relationships when every one else seems to have one.

    Reply
  171. Alyssa

    I’ve lived this exact situation. You have a way of putting words to my all over the place off the charts emotional mental components that make me feel crazy. I read your words and I feel as if I am not alone and I am not crazy. Thank you for your obedience to God’s calling and your willingness to be transparent rather than pridefully hiding as I often try to do. I look forward to understanding myself a little bit better through another one of your amazing, raw, honest books.

    Reply
  172. Roz Barrett

    OK so you read my mail, well figuratively that is of course understood;)
    What I valued most – your statement….”Live from the abundant place that you are loved, and you won’t find yourself begging others for scraps of love.” Oh how insecurities wedge themselves in this dark corner of our souls of perceived rejections. I love how you’re bringing this subject out into the light. Yep, Devils will flee. Healings will come. Can’t wait to read more!

    Reply
  173. Paula

    Great preview, Lysa! Every woman will need this book in her arsenal. 🙂 I believe the perceived rejection is rooted in insecurity. Unfortunately, all of us women struggle with that in some form or another. Men do, too, but I think it’s more paralyzing in women. I hope your new book digs into the insecurity issue, along with the feelings of rejection. I really feel they are two sides of the same coin. I appreciate your ministry so much. Thank you for all you do! 🙂

    Reply
  174. Tina L

    Love Love Love! Every time I read something you have written , I think to myself this person lives in my head! Can not wait until this new book comes out!! Thak you for putting into real words what is in my head.

    Reply
  175. Ashley Fields

    Love this! A couple things came to mind although I’m not sure if the first one is really what you’re looking for.

    A) how to handle the sense of loneliness and rejection you feel when a God-Sized dream falls flat especially when others seem to be excelling in their dreams.

    B) I haven’t gone out with my best friend in 5 months and I am feeling very lonely. Sometimes I almost think that God wants me to be lonely (in regards to my friends). What is the best way to get through such a situation?

    Reply
  176. Vivian

    im very excited to read this book. This spoke directly to me and something I just learned myself. I learned to be filled with Gods love and not worry about anyone else’s love or lack there of. I need to just love and be loved.

    Reply
  177. Sandy

    I love these words – I especially love the “live loved” thought process. This book will be awesome for so many of us who have been rejected (middle school is a breeding ground for it) and hurt along the way. Of course, some of it builds up over time and turns into a huge mountain of a mess and other times it is valid and painful. Thank you for being real and awesome! Prayers of protection for you and your team as you work on this project.

    Reply
  178. Annette Hassen

    Brings to mind the phrase ” what other people think about me is none of my business”. When my daughter was a teenager and thought that all of the other girls were focused on her, I would remind her that everyone was to busy thinking about themselves instead. It’s about how we feel about ourselves. Your messages are powerful Lysa. Please continue to carry God’s message.

    Reply
  179. Kathy Clabough

    Lysa, I loved this excerpt of your book! Just wanted to tell you that Mark Schultz sings a song called “Live Like You’re Loved”. It so matches this writing of yours. I am thankful to God for you and Proverbs 31 Ministries.

    Reply
  180. Meredith R.

    I can’t wait to read this!! I know you had trouble with your father growing up. How do you deal with moving away from wanting everyone to accept you because you have always tried to get your own fathers acceptance and love? It leaves you feeling insecure, which snowballs into all of your relationships.

    Reply
  181. Traci T

    Yes, yes, yes. This is a book I need to read. Thank you for allowing God to speak through you. Many hearts will surely be healed.

    Reply
  182. Julie

    I can’t wait to read more! Your words speak truth into my life! The comparison trap and lonliness are both things I struggle with. Sometimes the negative self talk is deafening! I would love some simple strategies to combat those feelings!

    Reply
  183. Jennifer

    Love it and it’s so true. My 12 year old daughter was sharing a story with my lastnight about how she perceives what others think about her. She just started middle school and she is having to make all new friends none of her old friends are in any of her classes. She’s been struggling with it. She is a god fearing beautiful inside and out but yet she second guesses herself with her perceived view of what others think if her. At such a tender young age she defeats herself in her mind before making any moves. I would love to find a way to help her through it. Ofcourse we prayed and discussed how the love of Jesus for her is great and that people will be drawn to her for all the right reasons and she will be a light. Thank you for your books 🙂

    Reply
  184. Kristi

    Wow! I’ve done exactly the same thing so many times. I even do it with people who have proven over and over that they love me. I can’t wait to read this. I’d love to see a word on practical disciplines that can help us retrain our thoughts so they don’t default to insecurity, and assume people are thinking badly of us.

    Reply
    • Kim

      Absolutely!!

      Reply
  185. april

    I loved it can’t wait to read more this is my stuggle!! I build it up in my head and make everything way worse how do you escape this??? And being in the serving business with people amplify that!

    Reply
  186. Jodi R.

    Love it! I think so many times we create these scenarios in our heads of how others are thinking or perceiving us when it is just not true. Satan would love nothing more than to distract us for our purpose with these thoughts. I just loved what you had to say.

    Reply
  187. Brenda

    I think loneliness and rejection are common to women. I see so many lonely women wh o desire community and to do life together. Rejection is hard when you don’t fit into the cliches at church.

    Reply
  188. Angie

    Wow! You have an amazing gift of words and experience. I’ve recently endured a terrible divorce and I find myself feeling rejected and and lone in ways I never imagined. With that being said, I have felt such love and comfort from The Lord in ways I never imagined. Can’t wait for the entire book 🙂

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  189. Karen Stoeger

    I feel rejection very easily. I had a childhood of rage from a father who had serious problems and then strained family relationships that have continued since then. I honestly do not know what to do about perceived rejection. It is awful. I am reading Made to Crave and have Unglued. But, I so look forward to this book. Thank you, Lysa. Thank you very much.

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  190. Michelle

    Oh wow – I thought I was alone in this!!! The stories that my brain comes up with out of the most random, innocent things is so frustrating to me. God’s working on me to open my eyes to His love and my value in HIm. Thank you for having the courage to write about this – I can’t wait to read it!

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  191. Bethany

    I can’t wait for you to finish this book. It totally speaks to me and how I battle my own thoughts. You are an inspiration. Thanks for being you! I feel somewhat normal after reading your books! lol

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  192. Bobbie Freger

    My mother’s father was a man of few words and my mother took his lack of communication as rejection. I’ll never forget her telling me that she finally realized that “things aren’t always the way they seem”. She realized that he wasn’t rejecting her at all. It’s been a very freeing mantra for me as well. I think of it almost daily.

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  193. Kelly

    I am struggling with this right now and couldn’t believe it when I read your email!! How do we conquer this? Rejection and abandonment have been realities in my life, but how to move past it and not go back!! Thank you for writing about this. I will be praying for you as you finish this book!

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  194. Trish Cordell

    I’m already in love with this book! As we wrapped up our ladies Bible study this evening, I came back to finish reading this blog post. Our study was about God creating the earth and when he was all finished, calling it very good. I asked each lady to remember He created us as well and then I played a song for them and then asked them to hold a mirror up to their face and use just one word to describe how the God who created the universe who also created them felt about them. Each one held the mirror but few looked straight into it. Each one said a word, but they said it to the room. With all that said, how can we go forth and from the depth of our souls tell others “God loves you,” when we can’t even hold a mirror to our own faces and say one word that He would use to describe ourselves? Some how, somewhere, we have to stop rejecting what He tells us we are. So, I guess self-rejection even though we can build someone else up while tearing ourselves down….or more importantly not even seeing how we reject Him when we reject ourselves. Hope that all makes sense. Can’t wait to read this book. God’s blessing over you as you write for Him!!

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  195. Darlene Grieco

    It’s late, I’ve got to get my little one to bed, but wanted to take a few seconds to suggest a discussion point for your book. It has to do with Jesus saying something like He does not need the testimony of man as He knows what is in the heart of a man (is that in John??). In my mind this has to do with man’s heart being fickle at best, that we need to know that about ourselves AND others and Grace is soo important. 🙂 Happy writing 🙂

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  196. Sarah Berken

    You are spot on, as always, Lysa. God is using your gift of writing in an amazing way.

    When I read what you wrote it reminded me of a mantra a therapist once taught me when I was struggling with self worth, comparisons, false perceptions, etc….anytime a negative comparison thought would enter my mind, I would repeat to myself…”I’m okay, she’s okay, I’m okay, she’s okay.” It also helped me to remember that I don’t always know what is going in in someone else’s life..and that the “have it all together” appearance is just that. We all lack in one area or another but as long as we acknowledge it and know that God wants us to be the person he made us to be. .and to do so bravely. Good luck Lysa!

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  197. Alexandria

    I just finished The Best Yes, and it has completely changed the way I make decisions, so I’m so excited to see what you’ll do with this book! You present the material in such a way to connect with people who experience feelings like this day to day. I like how you make it so simple, yet so able to hit home.Through this I think you’ll be effective in teaching women how to see past rejection and loneliness to see God’s love and being secure in a relationship with Him. So I say, so far so good, good luck in writing… Prayers your way 🙂

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  198. Gail

    This is amazing. I have truly had that conversation in my head a thousand times. Misconception. Judging when I didn’t know the whole story. Why do women do this?? I over think EVERYTHING. I waste time rehashing conversations and wish I had said this or that. I definitely need a book on insecurity that includes rejection and loneliness. Can’t wait for this book!!

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  199. Kerri

    FINALLY!!! A book about what really goes on in our heads. Thank you so much for addressing this issue. I think so often as women, mothers, daughters and even friends we distort the truth in our minds. Our perception can be pretty far from reality. We think the worst. We imagine the worst, therefor we believe the worst. Most of it comes down to our insecurity in certain areas it seems. Why is it so hard to believe that our worth is found in God and not in the world? Why are we so caught up in being socially accepted and socially loved that it distorts what true love is all about? Why do we base how we feel about ourselves upon how others act towards us? If someone is rude or not very nice to us, why do we twist it into more than it probably ever was intended to be? Then we end up changing our attitude all because of someone else’s attitude towards us. Why does it give us a sense of self worth if we feel accepted and loved by others? In today’s world we get so caught up on being liked or “popular”, in the “group”, in the “ladies club” etc.. Or we get so caught up in wanting to be perceived as the perfect mother, friend, wife or co-worker. Why does that build our self esteem if we have accomplished that for a day? If we are not accepted by others it causes us to feel rejected, not wanted, not in “the group”, basically left out!! So we go to great lengths to pretend or to even post on socially media the way we want to be perceived as an individual or even as a family so we will be accepted. What’s crazy is some days our self worth ends up being based on how many likes we receive on social media. Why do we try to fill a void in our self worth bank that only God can fill? We worry so much about what others think, which isolates us and leads to loneliness and rejection. We even teach this to our children not realizing what we are even doing. Lysa, I hope you will be able to address some of these issues we all struggle with. Show us why we think like we do and how to stop. Show us how to stop the negative chatter in our heads we use to beat ourselves up with. We think these thoughts and store them away. The moment something happens the negative chatter floodgates come wide open, flooding our minds with false misunderstood useless information not from our Heavenly Father. My dear friend once told me that whatever you put in the well is what you will pull up in the bucket. So Lysa help us all learn to put God’s truth and love in our well so that those thoughts are what come up in our buckets. Can’t wait to read your book!!

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  200. Kelly

    It is so encouraging and helpful when you relate so well with things we struggle with! I will be looking for this book.

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  201. Dana

    Awesome start!! Can’t wait to read the rest 🙂

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  202. lc

    Hi Lysa!
    I’m not sure any of this will be useful, but here we go~

    This past week I believe God was showing me an ongoing issue I’ve lived with as long as I can remember having to do with rejection. (I’m lonely too but haven’t heard anything from Him yet on that one ;] )
    Anyway, I now realize I have believed the enemy’s lies. Mostly about myself being unlovable, but also about the wrong assumptions about other people’s rejection of me and taking on wrong offenses.
    I want to learn how to “take every thought captive” because it all starts in my mind. I agree it’s not as easy to just deciding I deserve to be loved, but by being aware of this habitual thought pattern, recognizing the lies, and then doing whatever it takes to remind myself of God’s truth – – I AM loved and accepted, by Him!

    I would appreciate your wisdom on practical ways to take every thought captive and how to believe what God says about me. Why would I believe or value what other people think or say about me over what God does? Maybe you can speak to that???

    Another area I struggle with is people pleasing which could be related to past rejection and fear of rejection going forward. I am interested in learning how to focus on pleasing God more – and people less. Why do I care and focus so much of my time on what other people think about me? As you said, people probably AREN’T thinking about me at all most of the time! Could be pride, self-centeredness, or needing to belong? I have no doubt I have convinced myself I knew someone didn’t like me – and been wrong. It’s easy to create problems with someone based on my wrong & rude assumptions.

    How can I get over past rejection and mature in my relationship with God and others? What can I do to end feelings of defeat and not being good enough?
    The rejection in childhood from my father turned into self-rejection throughout my life. Most people can sense insecurity and it’s a turn off.
    How do I gain a healthy and rational thought life, self-talk, and relationships?
    I’m tired of begging others for scraps of love (in all the wrong places)! – and wish so badly I didn’t need, crave or chase it. Why isn’t God’s love and acceptance enough for me – or really, why haven’t I been able to realize & receive His love for me?

    Thank you for doing a wonderful job in your ministry to women!

    Reply
    • Kim

      lc: I totally know how you feel. Thank you for expressing it in such graceful terms! “take every thought captive” – yes! but how? and “strive to please God more than man” – yes! but how?? And finally, how do I really FEEL it, and BELIEVE it, that God indeed loves me and that I am worth it??

      Reply
  203. Allona

    Lysa, I first heard of you (and read your writings) after browsing through the Elevation Church website. Let me just say you and your ministry have blessed my heart in so many ways. More importantly, your words encouraged me to draw closer to the heart of God and have helped to remind me constantly the fruitful promises that come from a life spent walking with Jesus. It’s still a daily internal warfare (between my flesh and spirit), but my eyes were opened so much more to His amazing grace. Thank you.

    Loneliness and rejection can turn into a crippling fear that leaks into every part of our life. I do believe that our own thoughts and perceptions, often under-informed or exaggerated, will keep us from becoming the woman/man God created us to be. In these moments when we attempt to figure every situation or person out, we can become so laser focused, so inward drawn, that we completely lose communion with the One whose ways and THOUGHTS are higher than our own.

    I love the subject matter for your new book because I feel it is very relevant for women. It’s been said that women say twice as many words as men do per day. Imagine how this translates to the total of her thoughts? If our thoughts are lonely and ridden with rejection, how distorted or dulled could our personal world become? And very quickly, at that.

    Could it be that there is a tendency to reject ourselves (sometimes obviously, sometimes subtly) before the situation, person, circumstance, outcome even results in that way? OR even, that out of our own selfish pride, we take offense or feel bad because of perceived conclusions?

    I am excited to read the biblical insight you present on what it means to LIVE LOVED – to live and hold on to earthly things lightly, as we depend on Him TIGHTLY.

    As we grow with the Lord, we desire for our actions to please the Lord. So too should we desire for our thoughts and resolutions to please Him. Thank you for sharing a snipped of your next book! Can’t wait.

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  204. Melanie

    I play the comparison game way too often. Nobody wins at this game, but tell that to the little girl who hides inside my heart and desperately wants acceptance. That little girl forgets that the King of all kings adores her just how she is. Thanks for the reminder. I can’t wait to read this!

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  205. Cindy

    AWESOME! I just finished Best Yes and look forward to reading more of this. I totally understand where you are coming from. I’ve unfortunately done this exact thing many times and even let it hold me back.

    Live loved.

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  206. Cassi I.

    I totally agree with number 2. I loved that snippet, and can’t wait to hear more from Lysa!! I would like to hear though how to deal with/over come rejection not only from people, but fear of rejection from God as mentioned just above. Fear that “he wants me to be lonely” or fear that “he’s holding out on me”, “he doesn’t want me to have this, this, or this”, “does he really love me as much as he says he does?” Because even though we know these are lies, I think they are super common thoughts in women’s minds who struggle with this giant of rejection. How can we overcome and beat these lies?! 🙂

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  207. Kristin

    I think perceived rejection is very rampant in the minds of women… How different would we think and act if we only could assess situations accurately? We certainly wouldn’t be bogged down with worry so much…
    I think we meddle in our minds over per covered rejection because it matters to us… A complete stranger’s opinion matters so much because we still don’t grasp who we are to God…

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  208. Lilly

    I can’t wait to read your new book.
    It’s amazing to me how we (I) make things a bigger deal than what they really are. Our struggles, rejections, fears, insecurities, are things that we all experience as we navigate through our different seasons in life. They are not supposed to be these giants that paralyze us from doing what we are meant to do.
    Thank you for reminding all of us who we are and whom we belong to.

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  209. Nicole

    Wow…these words could not have been timed any better…definitely sent from God tonight. I will need to read this book. I struggle tremendously with assigning unwarranted blame in quiet conversations inside my head.

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  210. Heather

    “Writing about topics that can paralyze our purpose…” couldn’t have said it better myself!

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  211. Barbara

    Lysa, this subject is one that I am very drawn to. I have felt rejected and a lot of the time I believe it has been just like the above story it was my perceived opinion not truth. I look forward to reading this book. I am new to your blog but have come to love being part of it. You ask what I might like to see in this book and though I doubt you really need my help I do hope to see how to handle real rejection. I am recently divorced from a 25 year marriage and what caused the divorce caused me to feel very rejected and not good enough. God has helped me through this rejection but your insight about “live loved” was amazing to me and gave me even more hope so I am hopeful this new book will give me even more direction on how to handle the rejection of someone you thought loved you. Thank you for your ministry to us all. God bless.

    Reply
  212. Kelly

    I struggle w this trying to analyze what others are thinking about me putting words in their mouth I have doke this wy husband read more into it than what he says or means I definately want to read it ! Just a side note your book what happens when women say yeas to God —God used it to change my life I read it just a few months before the biggest storm off life and had it not been for the preparation He showed me w your book it could have turned out a lot different thank you for your stories and inspirations from God and we also started the study tonight w my ladies bible study group and I’m leading it ! What happens when some say yes to God .. The world is changed ❤️

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  213. Brigitte Turchetto

    Although I don’t have these same issues… reading your words help me to see that it is possibly how my daughter feels. She feels constantly judged by her family for deciding to make decisions that are not true to her faith and the way she was raised. Although we have never rejected her, she feels we have just because we don’t agree with her decisions. She is projecting her own rejection and placing it on us. We deeply love her. I look forward to reading your new book, in hope to help my daughter.

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  214. June

    It’s beautiful. And it’s ever so true because the love is only placed on me by my creator. There should be no substitute for that.

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  215. Tristin Aguirre

    Loved this so much! Favorite line was when you tied it all together with what this looks like for us on a daily basis. I’ve never thought “God created me because he wanted me here” type of thing, but that’s so true. Thank you for your words, they’re so life giving! cant wait to read it xoxo

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  216. Katie

    I sooo need to read this book!! I am glad to hear I’m at least not alone. Way too much of the time I care what ” I think others think of me”. I love your suggestion of “living loved”. I believe this can be where our perceptions lead us down a slippery slope. I think as Christians sometimes, at least for me, we almost feel bad loving ourselves and therefore, it is hard to “settle in our souls” that we are truly loved. I still at times, almost unconsciously, question if it is ok to “love myself” or feel completely loved because shouldn’t I be “self sacrificial” and look out for other’s needs before my own? Also, I would love if you would address social media and how rejection or “seeming rejection” can be portrayed there since it is pretty much a part of most people’s daily life now. Can’t wait to read your book!!

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  217. Chez

    “No, God’s love isn’t based on me.
    It’s simply placed on me.
    And is the place from which I should live.”

    Amazing! These words will go in my “Words I Love” notebook. Thank you for your encouragement Lysa!

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  218. Molly

    I’m so looking forward to this book.

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  219. Heather

    I actually found myself amidst a conflict today in a leadership group in which I have been appointed through my job. I have had such a difficult time connecting with another person in the group. I feel like everything I propose are like nails on a chalkboard to this person. I was confronted today again in what seems like a passive manner. I wanted to be defensive and presumptuous in reading his intent. However, I’ve really been praying….and here was this email with this snipit…that’s God telling me to silence my mind and listen, to slow down and let Him lead. WOW! I’m ready to read more!

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  220. Nola

    Love it. You are on the right track. I think everyone needs to read this book. I think everyone makes up these negative thoughts about what other people think all the time. I look forward to reading the tips you have to combat this. We know that God loves us but that doesn’t seem to stop the need for others to love us as well. We long to be accepted, cherished and admired. I consider myself to be a someone “I don’t care of what others think” kind of person but I still catch myself seeking approval from others. The need to be liked has to be built in as annoying as that is. If you can explain this in some clever way, I am sure it would be helpful to all of us. Keep up the great work…Lived loved =)

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  221. Roxann

    Awesome!!! That kind of verbiage goes though my head on a daily basis! Help me get rid of it! I see so much of myself in you Lysa, it’s like looking in a mirror. I enjoy reading your books. Keep them coming!

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  222. Darlene

    Lysa.. Love the fringes of this new book! 🙂 Just as we need physical food and balanced diet daily for our bodies to function properly, we also need to fill our spiritual soul and mind constantly with the promises of God so that we are like a vessel filling up and fully satisfied… then pouring out into the lives of others. When we are filled with the promises, there is no room for the other hurts and thoughts to overtake us. Sure, they will become memories but not totally fade away however I have found that whatever I focus on will rule my mind, thoughts and my days. When I am full of Him, the other sinful and negative thoughts can not overtake me. In the past, I have suffered rejection from a spouse over many years, close family, and “good” friends. Verbal abuse was my family’s way of venting their hurts over everyone else in an effort to make them feel better. That left us in the muck. 🙁 Keeping verses close at hand and words of songs posted in front of me and just reading and singing over and over day after day is the perfect medicine to displace some of the memories and experiences. I can “Live Loved” with His promises and His grace and mercy. He chose me, loves me without conditions, and faithfully leads me in every day in every way! Can’t wait to read the book!

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  223. Carrie

    I love it!! I am loving The Best Yes – it’s so much more than I expected it to be – can’t wait to read this one too 🙂

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  224. Traci Flippo

    I don’t really have a suggestion.. I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed what you shares with us, so far! You’ve a gift, Lysa, and I love that it is demonstrated so sincerely and in real manner that we can all relate to.

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  225. Teri

    This snippet is awesome! Can’t wait for the book to come out and get myself a copy!

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  226. Kristi

    Oh wow! Can’t wait to get that book! That’s exactly how I think most of the time. I tend to think on the negative side of things. Especially when someone walks away from me like that. Then I think, “oh what was I doing! ” then I feel bad that I bother someone!

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  227. Nora

    I do this all too often! Love it. Thank you for continuing to share your heart with us!

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  228. Marcie Brown

    Hi Lysa!

    I have so much to say on this subject that I almost don’t know where to begin…. Rejection has truly been a struggle for me my entire life. It began with my mother’s abuse/rejection and just kind of trickled down over the years. Now, as a Christian (born a Jew…) of more than 30 years, I see it as a definite tool the enemy has used to continue to trip me up and more or less define me. UGH!

    While I don’t pretend I have in any way mastered this issue, I will say that I have found some comfort in settling my mind and heart to the notion that this is what the Scriptures refer to when it speaks of “the fellowship of His sufferings.” (Philippians 3:10). After all, it is very clear that Christ Himself suffered tremendous rejection throughout His life, even by His closest friends and peers. He was, as the word says, “Despised and rejected by men…” (Isaiah 53:3)

    Now, at 54, I try to remind myself that the Lord is more or less entrusting me with an intimate view from my own experience of what He went through when He was here living in the form of man. He is not allowing these scenarios (that occur almost weekly….) to punish me, but to sharpen, strengthen and refine me and most of all, to draw me to Himself.

    The difficult part is being married to a man who is absolutely loved and adored by literally everyone. No exaggeration whatsoever…. My husband has a way with people that I will admittedly never have and too often people compare me to him even though we are polar opposites. Here is an example: We can both take the same route to walk our dog, Sophie. My husband, however, literally knows every single person we pass by name and they all absolutely adore him. I, on the other hand, can make a sincere effort to say hello to the exact same people and all they do is stare me down with a cold, hard stare. It’s truly amazing…

    The most difficult arena by far to confront this issue, and the one that has certainly done the most damage, is the rejection I have received by my so-called “brothers” and “sisters” in the church. I have had a really difficult time finding true friends among other Christian women particularly, and no matter which foot I put forward in an attempt to have healthy relationships, all I usually end up with is toe nail fungus!

    I won’t even recount the many hurtful encounters I’ve had over the years, but suffice it to say that my love for the church as it is today has waned to the point where I could easily see myself become yet another Christian who simply doesn’t go to church. After all, why continue to return to an environment that only causes you emotional distress and pain? No, I’m not asking to be coddled, but my menopausal self just prefers to be around NICE people who actually know how to show a little love, empathy and warmth. Call me crazy, I know. These days, I’m down to my husband, our dog, Sophie, and my best friend Denise.

    I do accept the notion that it may just be my point of view that needs altering, and will continue to address this in prayer. Admittedly, I find that I struggle more in this arena when I’ve let my guard down in other areas (ie my eating….) and made myself open prey for the adversary’s assault (eg 8 extra pounds due to holiday indulging…).

    Perhaps in your book you could include a list of warning signs that you are entering into this arena and the quickest way out, or good Scriptures to memorize when you find you’ve already been bombarded…? (KInd of like your Go-To points in Made To Crave…).

    I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THE SAYING, “LIVE LOVED” and want it on a t-shirt NOW!!!!

    And P.S. I have gym stories that can absolutely top yours, but I’ve probably already given you enough to work with.

    Simply put: Rejection SUCKS and the only way out is JESUS!!!!

    Reply
  229. Sondra

    Lysa! I’m so excited to read your upcoming book! I can tell already that it will speak volumes to me! Personally, I’m battling a major storm with my health for the past 5 1/2 yrs… It’s gotten progressively worse. I’m down to being able to eat only 10 foods and have a possible diagnosis of something called mastocytosis. I’m basically so sensitive to perfumes, chemicals, foods etc… that I’ve become somewhat like “the boy in the plastic bubble”. It’s a VERY isolating illness. The enemy works very hard on my mind trying to make me believe that God doesn’t love me or He would answer the thousands of prayers for healing that have been said over the past several years. I DESPERATELY need to know the truth that God loves me. The lies in my mind are: I’m doing something wrong, others receive healing but not me which equals I’m not worthy of being loved. When I first fell ill, all of my friends were” there ” for me, but after 5+ yrs, well let’s say you fall into “out of site out of mind”. I don’t hold grudges against anyone, but I am very lonely. Being mostly bedridden I spend a lot of time reading your books, doing your Bible studies (starting ” The Best Yes ” study tomorrow! So I can’t wait to read your next book targeted on the subjects I’m needing the most help with right now! I promise, I stay positive and strong most of the time and I still believe if it’s God’s will, that I’ll receive His healing. But a book on the subject of rejection and loneliness written by you, my favorite author, would be a blessing! Write quickly please!!! 🙂 Thank you in advance, I know it will be another best seller!

    Reply
  230. Sandi H

    What a great blog today!! I don’t know how you are able to put into words what so many of us feel but you do a GREAT job of it!! I will anxiously await this new book — especially the part about “Now what do we do about it?” (feelings of rejection and lonliness). I know I put unintentional emotion into others words that cause me to be anxious in those relationships — wondering what they think of me and the things I do. Whether they truly “like” me for who I am or just tolerate me……… Thanks again for being available to God for His plan for your life!!

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  231. Amy

    The reason your words resonate to so many of us is because you speak from a place of vulnerability. I’d say we all place too much emphasis on what other people think about us. We place their opinions above what God says about us. God says we are loved, marshmallow and all, regardless. Nothing to prove. No need to compare. We are enough. I speak from a place of trying to fill loneliness with companionship and love that only God can provide. Companionship is great, but as humans, it’s just so amazingly flawed. Maybe your book could focus on the difference in what people say about us and the truth in what God says about us. I’d also add that the lady at the gym probably struggles with same insecurities as the rest of us. We all desire to belong. Thank you for the courage to express what so many women today cannot. You are definitely not alone. Love, Stay Puft Marshmallow woman

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  232. lori

    Great start to a new book! Love your humor and honest reality. I’m hoping to one day hear from someone on rejection from family, Christian pillars in the community. I have struggled so many years as a preacher’s child, who always ranked below any church member or their close relatives to my parents, worked hard to please them with grades and compliments, only to end up today being the outsider of the family and have no idea why. The commandment to honor your parents pushed me for years to overlook my reality and keep trying, but a relationship does require work from both sides. God must be so disappointed in our separation. I finally gave up a few years ago and have had no one reach out to me. But God has given me such peace. I wonder if i should feel guilty. I pray for them all often, wonder if they too feel rejected and abandoned. Sometimes i wonder if the hurt would have been less if the family’s Christian leadership roles weren’t so visible. God bless your efforts in this new book. Thank you for putting your innermost thought and issues in words for others like me. God is blessing your ministry.

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  233. ashlhod@yahoo.com

    I was very touched by the last little bit of this entry. I deal with anxiety and the words in my head are often “should”, “should have” “shouldnt have” and the self talk is me coming down hard on myself. And my fear that goes along with anxiety makes me feel like God’s not happy with me bc I’m not trusting enough. I love how you spelled our God’s love for us. I Think I’ll Take A Screen cap and re-read it over and over.

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  234. Evie

    Well, this is me too unfortunately. All too often I am a victim to my inner thoughts of not being good enough or smart enough. I recently graduated with my Masters degree and started a new job among many intelligent, experienced nurse practitioners. I find that I compare myself to them and this makes me feel inadequate on most days. I mean, they have 10 or more years of experience! Seriously! I know without a doubt that this is the devil wanting me to believe I’m not good enough. God led me down this path. I need daily reminders of His promise that ” he works for the good of those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose” . I have even caught myself being overly helpful and agreeable in order to feel less inadequate. My daily objective, more often than not, is to somehow participate in my coworkers’ cerebral contributions……Ugh. In summation, Lysa, I am delighted to know about your new book! I am sending prayers your way in hopes that you will feel free to express your innermost thoughts and feelings on this issue 🙂 I can’t wait to read it!

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  235. Karen

    Per your great suggestion, I’ll keep this short. 🙂
    my suggestion isn’t about comparison but about being in a place where you don’t know your purpose in this season of life, maybe it’s a new season. Being surrounded by people but feeling alone. boredom?

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  236. Tabatha

    I’ve been wondering similar things during my job search. I know I’m perfectly capable yet I always go away trying to figure out why I wasn’t picked when they say I am impressively qualified.
    Then my boyfriend who says he’d do anything for me, but after 7 years still doesn’t want marriage.
    I’m beginning to think it’s going to impact my self-worth. I try to stay balanced, but it’s easy to start projecting those thoughts now.
    I finally made a close friend (so hard after college age) here, & she says it’s not me, but rejection isn’t easy.

    Reply
  237. Karen

    Per your great suggestion, I’ll keep this short. 🙂
    my suggestion isn’t about comparison but about being in a place where you don’t know your purpose in this season of life, maybe it’s a new season. Being surrounded by people but feeling alone. boredom? Perhaps. you’re busy enough, that feeling unfulfilled.
    I read this back and it sounded gloomy and I’m not meaning it that way at all. But it is something that I think a lot of women struggle with at different times in their lives.

    Reply
  238. monica rivelli

    Oh Lysa, This is something I am struggling with now. My husband recently said something to me which really hit home. He said “We respond to people the way WE think they view us.” If I think that a person close to me perceives me as stupid, weak and uneducated, that is how I tend to respond to that person as abrasive, careful and guarded. My perception on how people view me often can be so distorted by so many things included but not limited to “it’s that time of the month” or my emotions that day or amount of sleep gotten the night before, past experiences, etc. In fact I just read in my quiet time in Genesis chapter 33, how Jacob was scared that Esau was still mad at him and seeing how many people Esau came with it surely did look like “revenge”. I can understand why Jacob wanted to appease his brother with MANY gifts BEFORE he came face to face with his brother (I would have been extremely frightened too). He even bowed before Esau probably out of fear, and maybe even out of being vulnerable not only emotionally but physicallly since he did have a limp now. Only to find out that Esau was happy to see Jacob and they both were moved to tears!!!

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  239. Jennifer

    A very close friend and I discuss this same outta control thought patterns that form in our minds…or more like MY mind. You see I’m a detail junkie, I notice everything, and fill in the mental gaps when there is a void. She is the opposite in many ways and we refer to her having ‘ostrich syndrome’ which means you’re clueless to the details around you. Each trait has positive and negative effects. We’ve determined to try to balance each other… And progress comes from somewhere in the middle. Praising God for you and the words you have to share with His people. I’m certain many lives will be blessed through your writing again!

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  240. Shelley

    I am gonna enjoy this book.. I have just started reading the book Made to Crave.. I love it…

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  241. April

    Great little sneak peak.. I can’t wait!
    I always envy (& probably stare) at people who seem so confident and seem to not care what others “think” of them. To me- that is so attractive in a person! I always think- why can’t I exhibit such confidence? I’m sure I’m not the only one who needs help with this.

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  242. Kim

    I can’t tell you the many times I’ve had conversations with myself or “that person” about some imagined or real, but exaggerated, scenario; this is SO GOOD! And all your readers will be able to completely identify with these issues and, hopefully, respond and use the Godly principles and tools in the book to deal with them. Your humor lightens the subject which is necessary and is completely delightful! Thank you for another needed book~

    Reply
  243. Sarah Lahrman

    You have a gift that speaks to the heart of so many women. With so many life pressures of fitting in and worrying about what others think you have reminded us of the love of our Father. Thank you for sharing a small piece with us. I cannot wait to read, cry and rejoice in your words.

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  244. Lisa Schnepel-Martinez

    Wow, after reading I surly was going to ask are you a fly on our home wall? This WORD, SUBJECT touches deep down to the core of our souls in my home. The strange thing is with all different levels/kinds at age appropriate hard lessons/trials deep in faith , new in faith or a little lost it has no prejudice. Relizing

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  245. Elizabeth

    Wowza! This book is going to ROCK if it keeps up in that vein… which I’m pretty sure it will. 😉

    My question is this: why do I offer grace to others and reassure them they are not rejected (or rejectable), but I can’t offer that grace to myself? I can look a woman in the eyes and tell her how loved she is, how her Papa adores and delights in her, and how nothing she does can change that truth. And then I look in my own eyes and it’s hard to believe all those truths about me. I see my OWN rejection of me! It is substantiated by my mistakes and missteps that I hear and see replayed in my head, and my perfectionist self can’t let me off the hook.

    I would love for your new book to address not only the rejection we feel from others, but the rejection we feel from ourselves. Because when we reject ourselves, the loneliness that results is heavier than all other loneliness combined!

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  246. Candy

    This sneak peek couldn’t have been any more perfectly timed for me to read tonight!! I love how open and real you are and the words about God’s love not being based on but actually placed on us is so powerful!! I needed this after after a weekend of having a terrible attitude because I was obviously rejected and made to feel insecure by some women at going away party for my husband from his current position. I thought I had gotten

    Reply
  247. Melissa

    Where did we learn to lie to ourselves and then believe those lies? We live in a world where being financially secure is more important than being emotionally secure. So much effort is put into appearing to be independent, strong and flawless. Please share with us in your nook how to stop lying to ourselves and others and focus on being what God considers to be beautiful. Thank you.

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  248. Gilda Everett

    Lysa, your story is so on target for me and many other women. We tend to over read the body language then our heads start crazy thoughts. Once those thoughts start it is hard to be rational. That’s when I have to turn to God’s word to clear my head. Another area to consider is how women may not admit concerns they have to those they love most, immediate family and girlfriends. There is a fear present that if we discuss a possibly controversial subject we will be rejected so we stay quiet to keep the peace. Again, this is not always rational but our heads start the negative talk so we let the issue drift away. Keep up your great work. You have a God given talent and I love to read your words.

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  249. Mel

    Wow and wow! This is so good!!! This marshmallow needs this. Can’t wait to read it!

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  250. Candy

    past a lot of my struggles with insecurity, but their very clear nastiness toward me (& others) threw me back into an ugly pit. 🙁 I also know I’ve too been guilty of wrongly assuming I know someone’s thoughts or heart behind actions & it’s nice to hear other women confess that they have struggled with it too as openly as you did. Thank you for letting us get this sneak peek & I am now going to be waiting patiently for the remainder.

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  251. Carol Apgar

    How much time I have wasted worrying about other people’s perceptions of me. We think people are thinking of us,- when most of the time they are not.

    I would love to see more content about how women cope with the rejection that comes when their spouses no longer find them attractive. How are we to walk through feelings that we just don’t measure up.

    Thank you for this opportunity. Cannot wait to read.

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  252. Ashley

    I can’t wait for your book to be written and come out. Thank you for sharing this nugget with us.
    I think that we sometimes project a lot of things on to others. Whether it’s assuming someone is thinking something because “you just know how they are” or projecting the way we would react on to them. We tend to make mountains out of mole hills.

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  253. Stephanie

    Aaahmazing! There isn’t a marshmallow-feeling, lonely woman out there that isn’t in need of knowing this to the core of her heart…live from the abundant place of God’s furious love. Relieve our friends, family, and poor spouses from the pressure of us begging for scraps of love!!! Sign me up for a copy please!! Can’t wait!

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  254. Kate

    Lysa, I tend to do exactly what you have described too. However for me, rejection and loneliness goes much deeper because of my frankly. God has been showing me that no matter what my family thinks of me, I am His daughter and He loves me. I agree with so many of the comments left by other ladies. One in particular is the internal voice. When others can only put me down, it is hard to believe otherwise. Thank you for writing about these issues. I am looking forward to reading your new book.

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  255. Melissa

    Hi Lysa,

    Your next book sounds great! I can’t wait to pick it up! Speaking from experience, I go through a lot of loneliness. I think it would be good to talk about forgiving ourselves in that place of loneliness and the wrong messages that keep us in that place of loneliness.

    Thank you so much for your inspiring words everyday and being a messenger of the Lord. I look forward to reading your blog posts and reading your books.

    God Bless!

    Reply
  256. samantha

    Lysa. This is going to be an amazing book. You’re my favorite author because for once I have found someone I feel struggles with the same things I do. It has helped me over the years. As this post does, too. Thank you for being real.

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  257. Margaret

    That excerpt was amazing and made me really want more! These are some of the feelings that I am struggling with myself. Lysa, God has blessed you with such a beautiful gift! Continue to use that gift for His glory! Blessings on the remainder of your (His) book!

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  258. Diana Rockwell OBS team member

    Lysa, I love you and your books are right on target. I try and build others up because I have suffered from rejection. How do you handle rejection from family members. I have two that are were my friends on facebook and then removed me as a friend. Then I have one member that it is obvious hate. I have suffered rejection in the work force and I found myself for a while that I was striving for their acceptance. I wanted them to say they were wrong, I wanted them to like me best. Now I look back and it had to do with me wanting the approval. The family is current and hurts more than one would know but I am trusting God for my love.

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  259. Helen

    Loved every word you wrote. You gave me a clear picture of what happened and I totally identified with that. Thanks for your wise words and the realization that many of us do this “crazy thing” in our minds. What a waste of time it is. Can’t wait to read the finished work! Blessings to you.

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  260. Kui

    This is so relatable….The part that spoke most to me was that we are desperate for scraps of love…And am all the way in Kenya :). Keep writing Lysa

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  261. Gina

    Your words inspire me and encourage me to write my book that God keeps laying on my heart. A true story to help others and show people there is hope and healing only through God’s grace. I pray and hope to meet you one day to share and laugh with you. I don’t know how or when but God knows. Blessings to you. xoxox

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  262. Karryn G

    Wow, it’s like I was reading about a day in my life. Truly appreciate the raw emotion you let flow in your books. The insecurity and doubt resonates with most women yet likely remains unspoken as we don’t want to appear we aren’t confident and care free. Keep blazen this trail Lysa as you are speaking to the hearts of precious women who need to know their struggle is shared and freedom is J-E-S-U-S. Can’t wait for the book!!

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  263. Becky

    Love this from a fellow marshmallow

    Reply
  264. Susie

    I have just recently discovered you Lysa through posts on Facebook. I just heard your FOTF broadcast today on the radio and begged a friend to catch it who was struggling with feeling overwhelmed and knowing when to say NO. I have purchased 4 of your books so far. I will want this new one too! I love your genuiness, transparency and ‘ down-to-earthness’

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  265. Nathalie

    Love this preview! Imagine the freedom in which we would live our lives if we quit making up such scenarios and just lived our lives…free of the worry of what others are or were thinking at various points. We become a “me” culture because such thinking puts the focus back on us in the end…lending itself to self-pity and anger.

    Can’t wait to read more!!!

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  266. Cindy

    I know this story was about me and many others like me. We have a negative perspective about ourselves that we project onto others when they really aren’t even thinking about us. Can’t wait to see this book in print. Thanks Lysa–you are a good and faithful servant using your gifts for His glory.

    Reply
  267. Lisa

    Honestly written so that many can definitely relate to! Thank you.

    An area that I’d like to see addressed is how childhood rejection is revealed in adulthood (ex: absent father, interpreted as rejection from father, & how that rears its ugly head within marriage). It’s taken several years for me to recognize this fear of rejection. Although I know it isn’t true, I think deep down I still struggle with rejection by my husband, in minor ways.

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  268. Carolyn Carlyle

    Lysa, Loved what I read. I always think I am the only one who reads into situations what others are thinking, so comforting to know I’m not alone. Would love the book, and be able to learn to see the situations for what they are, not what I perceive them to be. Looking forward to reading it.
    Thank you so much. I am on a journey with God since October 4th, 2014, I was baptized and I want so much to learn so much and draw closer to God. I love your writings, they make sense to me. Thank you and God Bless You.

    Reply
  269. Christie

    Can’t wait for this book to come out. I too struggle with childhood rejection by an absentee father and that has manifested itself into trying to hold onto every relationship in my adulthood even if that relationship is unhealthy. After getting rejected, I can make almost anything my fault and will take all the blame on myself. Would like to see those two issues addressed.

    Reply
  270. Shawn

    I love it! I sent it to my 16year old daughter:)
    I would love for you to address the rejection and loneliness she feels in not having a boyfriend “like everyone else” because she is waiting.

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  271. Jenni DeWitt

    Lysa, I really didn’t think loneliness and rejection were things I struggle with. But when I read this passage it was totally relatable. I assume other people are rejecting me based on the assumptions I assume they are making about me. Wow! That’s getting deep. : ) You are definity on the right path with what you are writing as far as I’m concerned.

    Reply
  272. Pat

    Lysa, you “get” me. You “get” women! Your authentic, detailed description of an experience and your thoughts and feelings, is always such a place of compassion and coming-alongside to me. I can at once shout “yes, that’s how I think!”, and sigh, “wow”, reverently reflecting on God’s love for me, and the reality of the situation (which I had morphed into something else). I am looking forward to more of this. Thank you for continuing to relate to us, and point us toward our Heavenly Father’s arms and purpose for our lives. I would hug you if I could!

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  273. Teresa

    You honestly speak to the hearts of many. How about writing about rejection by a family member, ie sister or daughter

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  274. Mary McDermott

    Oh .y gosh! You wear spanx to the gym and analyze how people react to you too? I love you, Lysa! Looking forward to this book!

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  275. Nancy Carter

    Lysa…from a fellow work-out marshmallow 🙂 I can totally relate. I just love the words…Live Loved. It causes you to remember how loved you are by the Father, no matter what! Can’t wait to read this new book. Thank you for answering the call!

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  276. Hayley

    My husband is away for over a month in the states. I’m at home managing everything by myself feeling isolated and lonely. Whenever I talk to him on the phone, his life sounds full of fun and fellowship, travel and adventure. So one night I sent him this note: Just to let you know I hate my life here. We don’t belong here. We have no family, no friends and no fellowship. Your daughter is hungry for friends & family and so am I. Whilst you are galavanting around the states we are bored stiff here and fed up with our lives. We want change. We want to feel happy again. It breaks my heart to see our daughter so sad and fed up with her life. Money will not buy love and your wife is very unhappy too. Yes! I was really down in the dumps and listening to the voice of the enemy. My husband ministered to me on the phone and told me to go and My husband is away for over a month in the states. I’m at home managing everything by myself feeling isolated and lonely. Whenever I talk to him on the phone, his life sounds full of fun and fellowship, travel and adventure. So one night I sent him this note: Just to let you know I hate my life here. We don’t belong here. We have no family, no friends and no fellowship. Your daughter is hungry for friends & family and so am I. Whilst you are galavanting around the states we are bored stiff here and fed up with our lives. We want change. We want to feel happy again. It breaks my heart to see our daughter so sad and fed up with her life. Money will not buy love and your wife is very unhappy too. Yes! I was really down in the dumps and listening to the voice of the enemy. My husband ministered to me on the phone and told me to go and seek God and get the right perspective on things. I started to read Luke 11 and asked for the Holy Spirit to fill my life again and he did and he sent me a friend to pray and encourage my heart at midnight and I had a knock on my door of some friends traveling through. seek God and get the right perspective on things. I started to read Luke 11 and asked for the Holy Spirit to fill my life again and he did and he sent me a friend to pray and encourage my heart at midnight and I had a knock on my door of some friends traveling through. My heart is now encouraged even though the circumstances have not changed. I have a better perspective and I am not blaming my husband for the feelings of loneliness and a sense of not belonging because they have gone!!

    Reply
  277. Cynthia Lowry

    Lysa, it feels as though you are my very own sister . You totally get me. You touch on so many topics that I struggle with. You speak my language and God uses you to speak to my heart like none other. You not only encourage me, you give me the steps to move toward change. I can’t tell you how grateful I am for your ministry. Cant wait to read this new book. God bless you Lysa.

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  278. Ruth Augustine

    I love this post Lysa and I can’t wait to read more. Keep up the good work!!

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  279. Hayley

    Sorry my other note double pasted!!!
    My husband is away for over a month in the states. I’m at home managing everything by myself feeling isolated and lonely. Whenever I talk to him on the phone, his life sounds full of fun and fellowship, travel and adventure. So one night I sent him this note: Just to let you know I hate my life here. We don’t belong here. We have no family, no friends and no fellowship. Your daughter is hungry for friends & family and so am I. Whilst you are galavanting around the states we are bored stiff here and fed up with our lives. We want change. We want to feel happy again. It breaks my heart to see our daughter so sad and fed up with her life. Money will not buy love and your wife is very unhappy too. Yes! I was really down in the dumps and listening to the voice of the enemy. My husband ministered to me on the phone and told me to go and seek God and get the right perspective on things. I started to read Luke 11 and asked for the Holy Spirit to fill my life again and he did and he sent me a friend to pray and encourage my heart at midnight and I had a knock on my door of some friends traveling through. My heart is now encouraged even though the circumstances have not changed. I have a better perspective and I am not blaming my husband for the feelings of loneliness and a sense of not belonging because they have gone!!

    Reply
  280. Christie Stanfield

    You are a gift from God to a woman like me. I am separated (but more like abandoned) from a husband I dearly love, and some days seem unbearable. I truly believe with all the faith in me that God is working wonders in me. Life is ridiculously hard sometimes, but Jesus is continually drawing this little girl to Himself. He knows me so well, and loves me so much more. I have had to re-train my brain to think like He does about me. I love Him so and your words are like a salve on an old unhealed wound. Thank you. Best wishes with this book that I cannot wait to read!

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  281. Jacqueline M.

    Thanks for sharing. I love your writing and eagerly await the release of your book. I know you don’t know me, Lysa, but, through your writing, I feel like I know you! Your struggles are my struggles. Your prayers are my prayers. I thank the Lord for giving you these words of wisdom that help so many (hurting) women. Keep listening to and obeying Him. Your work is not in vain.

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  282. Kristin Jones

    Wow,can’t wait to read the book. I think so many women are plagued with rejection and intimidation on so many levels.Especially in the church. Some are justified ,so how do we deal with it when we feel like we unknowingly offended someone? But they won’t say anything? What does that conversation sound like? How do we resist repaying the rejection? How do we deal with the rejection when it is unjust? How as women do we secure the insecure?

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  283. Pris

    Nine years ago when my husband deployed as a new mother and no family around to guide me I signed up for counseling. I still remember the counselor/doctor saying “stay busy” as if my lack of activities was making me lonely. So I filled up my schedule I was busy and lonely. I was afraid to question the doctor (I was 19). Growing up I always felt excluded from my family’s activities but felt included in my friends’ gatherings. For years it would hurt me if a friend would “forget” a special date or leave me out but if a family member forgot a birthday it was expected. Does our loneliness come from expectations and “feelings”? I took many online quizzes to find answers to questions like Am I ungrateful? I mean after all I have plenty of friends…Do I have double standards when it comes to family and friends making me feel lonely? I remember my aunt often talking about how lonely she felt …Did I inherit her loneliness? (She lived with us for years). Did you know ( you probably do) that many organizations including the military “loneliness” is key to a successful suicide. They spend millions on prevention but loneliness is something you can hide well. Of course after I became a Christian I understood that I will never be alone but these thoughts often chase me and I am too embarrass to share during prayer request. I used to not only think for others but finish their sentences in the most unpleasant way. I can’t wait to read this book.

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  284. Val

    Everything you write resonates with me! Pretty sure we are soul sisters:)

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  285. Debra gross

    You have been reading my mind! I cannot wait to read this. I would say this is my biggest struggle. What I percieve people think about me, say about me….. Based on so many erroneous assumptions that I make from something they did or did not do. I really hope this book will be out soon!!! No pressure lol Love you Lysa

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  286. Mechele

    Sometimes we are our own worst critic and enemy. Our perceptions shape our feelings and responses, & then we catalog them & tuck them away to be used @ a later date for either the blame game or to bash others or ourselves. My constant prayer is that God will help me see things the way he does. My perceptions isolate me; His perceptions enlighten me.

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  287. Angelia Reynolds

    I have one. Not sure if someone has already said so. Rejection in a church. Oh my do I struggle. I never ever rarely put an idea on the table. When I do. Oh boy. I look like I’m going to have a meltdown. I automatically ramble on with words that don’t even make sense to myself. I start to look all around the room or at the table. Hoping I don’t look at anyone’s face of ‘what is she talking about?’. I shake like I’m about to start a zumba routine. Its difficult when a person like myself is so vocal but I have a spaz attack when I go to just make a suggestion. Just writing it gives me goosebumps!

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  288. Andrea Gillit

    I can’t wait for this book to come out. You know I find it amazing to watch children interact with one another and how friendly they are. I watch my 3 year old just walk up to another kid and ask , “Do you want to play with me”. I just wonder why women are not really that nice to one another. We should be each other’s greatest supporters. It seems to me that as one gets older the harder it is to make good friends. I told my husband maybe I need to google “how to make friends”. I am blessed with a few good friends but just moved to a neighboring town and would love to get plugged into the community. The task seems a little daunting since it seems everyone has their clicks. I look forward to your book and insight.

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  289. Michelle

    This was a “me too” moment for me. That’s why I love reading your words Lisa, you’re so relatable and honest about what you struggle with. Thanks for being transparent!!! Love- a fellow marshmallow

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  290. Reba Cloud

    I am already looking forward to this book. I struggle a lot with these things. I often find myself getting off Facebook feeling rejected (so many posts of social events I wasn’t invited to) or alone. I would be the one at the gym wondering why someone hated me so much or why she smiled that day. Thank you for sharing from your heart!

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  291. Kim

    I am reading The Best Yes. Your chapter on release has moved me incredibly. You began with the analogy of the snowstorm striking in the fall when the leaves are all still on the trees and how the weight of that snow cracks and breaks branches. I am living in two seasons but not all of it is by choice. I am raising 3 amazing (but still human) young men aged 12, 15, & 17. My mother who is only 63 years old is in advanced stages of Alzheimer’s. She is no longer able to care for herself and has great difficulty even with simple speech. I have learned much from your wise words and am learning in little ways to remove things from the closet before I add something new… but when big seasonal changes come we can’t always say no. I weep every time I read the paragraph on release… “She can feel the twinges & hear the creaking sounds of a splitting break about to happen. She knows she can’t take much more…”
    Thank you Lysa for allowing God to speak through you into our hearts. Over & over I am encouraged by the words you have shared. How strange to begin to understand myself through someone so much like me. I’ve read passages to my husband & kids saying first “here is a little glimpse into my soul” which makes us all laugh. You are gifted and we are blessed through you.

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  292. Michaela Miller

    I really liked the last 3 lines about God’s love not being based on me! It makes me realize that God’s grace truly is amazing!
    Thank you!

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  293. Jenn

    I love the way you write because it’s just like “talking” to a friend. Yes, this is definitely hitting the proverbial nail on the head. I do think our emotions affect our perceptions and our feelings about others. And might I say that about once a month, my perceptions and feelings are all out of whack……just keeping it real :). Thanks for being transparent and honest with us, and for sharing your gift of encouragement.

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  294. Debi

    It’s apparent that this book will be a keeper, and I so look forward to reading it! As usual, your open owning of sinful attitudes invites the reader to look deeply within and admit her own sin hiding in the dark places. Yet we are not left wallowing in our sin due to your frank sharing of your experience and your challenge to look to Jesus and the cross every time we choose our own way or are even tempted to take the broader and easier path.
    Thank you again for sharing from the heart and bringing us along with you to another encounter with Jesus!

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  295. Joanne

    I’ve been widowed for several years and even though I’m doing well, sometimes the loneliness overwhelms me. I don’t feel like I fit in with the other widows and singles in my church and I so long for that special someone to be beside me. I love to travel but don’t feel comfortable going alone. I know I need to be content with where I am but sometimes it’s a struggle.

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  296. Julie

    Oh my word! This resonates with me on so many levels! I find myself creating these scenarios inside my head constantly! Lysa, what I love about your writing is your honesty, your humor and your transparency. I have read several of your books and can’t wait for this one as well! It is a topic that NEEDS to be explored from a Christian perspective. God bless you, Lysa!

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  297. Sharnta

    Sitting here during my “Daddy Daughter” time praying, reading, listening, capturing, pondering, receiving…writing. I smile as you share a sneak peak into the writing of your new book. With just a small snippet of a work in progress, the WHOLE of me smiles, release tears from a relatable right now place, laughs out loud (for real), nods & is TOTALLY blessed with your brilliancy with words and GRACE in writing that captures ones undivided attention. What GRACED writer and such an inspiration!! Praying with you and for you as you get USED for His Glory in writing this book. I’d love to see how to overcome deep rooted lonlines and rejection that has spilled over into all areas of life…that have been replayed over and over and now holds you hostage as a victim yet the victor inside hasn’t completely been silenced. Also would love to see it addressed as to church…the body of Christ. So many women within the body of Christ be it from leading ladies to new converts who deal with loneliness and rejection in a place where agape should reign. Many TOLERATE one another and it is so evident leaving others to feel insignificant, rejected, unworthy, not loved…to name a few. I’ll stop here and NOT hold your eyes hostage any longer! Can’t wait to invest in this treasure Lysa! #WriteOnSister Write On!

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  298. DeAnna Bird

    This is spot on…looking forward to reading this Lysa! Thank you!!

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  299. Kelley

    So excited about your new book, Lysa. I love when I read your books or your blog, I feel like “yep, that’s me or I have do thought that or done that.” You are so real and relatable! My friend teases me because I sometimes talk about you like you are my girlfriend. LOL. Best of luck with your new book. I know I will be ordering an advance copy as soon as it’s available!

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  300. TammyT

    Your book made me smile this morning – it was an amusing story that I can really relate to. So often, my insecurities provide me with the same thought processes. It can lead to a very lonely existence.

    Bless you Lysa – love your stories, books, and devotionals.

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  301. Renee

    Wow! I can relate so well to this! I love your writing. I struggle with self-confidence and I believe it has rubbed off on my 14 year old daughter. I feel like people are talking about me when I enter a room or social gathering & all kinds of things go through my mind.
    Can’t wait to read this book!!

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  302. Nancy

    You are like a true friend who tells me with all honesty things I need to hear..all of your books speak to me.. Excitedly waiting for this one .. Sounds like it may be the best yet ..

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  303. stacy

    Love the new book! Oh! The conversations we have with ourselves. I have had this exact one with myself. Would love to know how to stop the cyclen of wrong conversation. I know….I know….renew my mind daily. Looking forward to your down to earth instruction there.

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  304. Lisa

    Lysa,
    Thank you! I have been reminded recently that controling our thought life is so important! We can talk ourselves into believing anything about others and ourselves. I love the phrase “live loved” and will definately be putting it “in my notebook” to use as a reminder.

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  305. Beth

    Can’t wait to read this book! I have always been able to relate to whatever you pen and this will be no exception!! I am so guilty of “assigning thoughts” to others and they are always so negative toward me. As I have grown older and closer to Jesus, it’s gotten easier to control. However, these feelings of rejection/insecurity almost ALWAYS crop up right before I start my period. Hormonal triggers are so real.

    Reply
  306. Deb Daigle

    Ahh rejection…how about when we live rejecting ourselves, after all we are filled with sin battling it everyday and loosing the battle alot how could God love us when we do not even love ourselves!

    Reply
  307. Mary Lou

    This is very insightful and I look forward to reading more…you have got it exactly right…it is all about PERSPECTIVE. Change the way you think about something and hurt and rejection can melt away. 🙂 Thanks for sharing!

    Reply
  308. Libbie

    Lysa,
    First of all, thank you! I’ve read many of the books you’ve written, and been incredibly blessed by every word. I’ve shared most of those words, with friends.
    Here are a few things I’d love to see addressed in your new book: (I’m not a writer- You are, so I’m hoping you can reword this correctly.)
    1. Loneliness and rejection felt by the “Lysa TerKeurst sort of girl.” I am that kind of girl. The kind that others may look at and think that she’s got it all together. Nice home, nice husband, nice kids, nice career, nice etc. The kind that is usually helping someone, because that’s what she likes to do. But these girls get lonely and feel rejected like anyone else. And when we do, where do we go for encouragement? If we pick up the phone to call a friend and let them know that were feeling down or lonely, the conversation usually never gets that far. 99% of the time, the conversation centers on the issues of the other person. Truly, I have had many, many conversations where the entire thing was centered on someone else’s issues/life, only to have them ask in the last 30 seconds, how I was doing. To which I always reply, “we’re good”, because everyone thinks we are and I don’t feel like they really want to listen, anyway.
    In the rejection category, in the last few years, I have had three of my childhood friends, stop speaking to me, because…….Well, I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because they’re facing some pretty tough life issues, and I’m not. But maybe I am! Maybe I’m struggling with things they don’t know! Maybe I’ve even tried to share it but they’ve not paid attention because they know my life is so perfect! But whatever the reason, they have written me off. They no longer speak to me, and that hurts terribly. I’ve not retaliated. I’ve reached out to them and I tell others that it’s okay, I understand. But I don’t. I feel rejected and hurt.
    I will say, that this has taught me to run to the Lord when I need encouragement. I don’t even reach for the phone anymore, to call a friend when I’m feeling lonely and down. Now, I simply start a new conversation with God. 🙂
    2. Another thing I wouldn’t mind seeing addressed in this book, is the encouragement for everyone to be very aware, and keep their eyes peeled for others who are lonely and rejected, that we might help. Doing this, helps in two ways. First, it helps the person who is feeling sad and lonely. Second, it helps the person who is encouraging the other. I’m convinced that nothing helps a person more than helping someone else. It takes your mind off of your own troubles and gives such satisfaction for helping someone else. But it takes some work, and some effort.
    Well, Lysa. I think that’s it. May God continue to bless you! And thank you, again!

    Reply
  309. Melanie Whitaker

    Are you sure you weren’t writing my story in this post? It sure read like it. Though the Lord has been so faithful and I’m growing by leaps and bounds, I struggle with trumped up rejection almost daily. I would love for you to talk about this type of rejection in the church. I love my church and it is a very healthy church, praise the Lord. How should church leaders handle rejection when they’re counseling others in this and other areas. It comes for me in that I have many people I talk to every week, one or two I consider close friends but don’t spend a lot of time with, but I struggle because I want tO have rusty one friend that is my “BFF” so to speak. Maybe leaders can’t have those types of friends, but when I see others have what appears to be those typed of friends, esp. If it’s someone I feel closer to, I feel so rejected. I’m learning to fight it with the truth of God’s word but would love to read what your thoughts are in this area. I hope that makes sense. I love all of your books and posts. Thank you for being real.

    Reply
  310. Lori

    Lysa, How thankful I am that God’s timing on a thought or verse or even a reminder of His love for me is true and honest. He truly loves me even though I may feel unloved. God has given you a gift as a writer and even though you feel as though you are a new writer, God has placed his hand on you to deliver a message to women all over the world that we are loved. Thank you for sharing this tiny bit of your newest book with us. May God richly bless you as you and I and women all around the globe follow Him.

    Reply
  311. Debbie

    Your quote “Live from the abundant place that you are loved and you won’t find yourself begging others for scraps of love.” nailed me. How many of us are living off the scraps of what others give us in the form of time, attention, touch or approval. How many of us re-live how our childhoods went or how our parents modeled this for us in our adult lives instead of by what God’s word says?

    I would like to see how rejection and loneliness look in relation to each of the 5 love languages. Also, I would like to see anything you could write about gathering the courage to put yourself out there again after a rejection.

    Lysa, I think it’s kinda funny that YOU are worried about rejection from all of us. This excerpt is amazing! I can’t wait to buy it. I always buy multiple copies of your books so I can give them away (because they’re so full of God wisdom) and selfishly get to keep my own copy. You are right on track with this book! ❤️

    Reply
  312. Kasey

    Oh, how this sings to my soul.

    I’m right there analyzing with you, and is my mom. We are overanalyzers. We just talked about this the other night. As much as analyzing can wreck havoc on your daily living, we have found where, in just a small way, it might be ok. Because we recognize things about ourselves that underanalysers don’t. (I’m not an author so I like to make up words…) We ha women in our family who don’t think twice about how they will respond to a situation, they are just like….BAM!! As for me and mom, we runaway and hide for several days sitting on our problem egg until it hatches. By then, we have overanalyze the situation and are ready with a response.

    All because we are worried about how our reaction may be taken. So, there are some pros and cons to that, right?

    I would love to see some content on comparing and contentment. Kinda sounds like you are headed in that direction. I CAN’T WAIT!!!!!!!!!!

    Reply
  313. Sarah

    Wow such deep truth packed in this chapter that I needed to read today! Especially the part that we often assign thoughts to others that they probably never even think. It made me realize that’s just what I do and it sets me up to be unfriendly without justification. Thanks for helping me to see this issue I need to deal with. Looking forward to your new book!

    Reply
  314. Cindy Jo Relyea

    Thank you Lysa for another relevant chapter in yet another book that promises to be real in the content,solutions and reminders that God is the answer to all of our questions about love, life, rejection, loneliness etc…etc.etc.. I struggle to trust him with the hard stuff and thank him for the goodness that surrounds me everyday. Thank you for reminding me to always look up before caving in to the nasty, negative stuff that is our world sometimes. I am just working on Unglued and looking forward to your next inspiration. Please continue to let the spirit work through you with books of encouragement for women everywhere even when you are struggling to keep the monkeys of loneliness, rejection and doubt off your back.

    Reply
  315. Candice E.

    Dear Lysa,
    Thank you for sharing your words. I am a writer. Well, let me back track, I am attempting to be a writer. Finding little moments to put words to paper is not easy nor for the faint of heart. It is also intimidating to share fresh words with others. I love hearing and telling good stories and you my friend tell a good story. So, thank you for the good stories and sharing words that you’ve crafted.
    Concerning topics on rejection, one topic that interests me is the the “root” of rejection. I teach Middle School students. Middle School kids, especially girls, have already developed the fear of rejection (some much earlier). We try to reiterate that it is okay to fall or mess up as long as they are giving their best. In other words, are they striving for imperfect progress? 😉
    So often I think we fail them because we strive so hard to be perfect in our own lives that they learn from that model. An intimidating reality for teachers and parents alike. So again, what is the root of rejection? If we figure out the source, maybe, with God’s guidance, we can stop the next generation from being plagued with the same fears.
    Looking forward to the new book. I pray that God will guide you in the direction he wants your words to go.
    Best,
    Candice

    Reply
  316. Heidi

    Wow-thank you for once again crawling inside my head! It is so nice to know I am not the only one who does this! Once again your stories paint a very vivid picture in my mind and relate so completely to me where I am at (or have been) in my own life! I cannot wait to read more.

    What else I would like to see? How to tell the difference between mind craziness and true rejection-and how to realize in the moment what is going on and how to stop it cold, if there is a way to convince someone ELSE who is in that moment the true reality, how to break out of loneliness, when just preferring to be alone is unhealthy, how to convince yourself to do what you know what is right IN SPITE of rejection-rather than it just shutting down your efforts completely…

    Reply
  317. Kasey

    Wow! This is such a “real” & prevalent topic. Comparing ourselves to others, then “reading other’s thoughts”. I’m SO excited to dig deep with this new book!

    Reply
  318. Arlene

    As I was reading your wonderful preview, I was brought back to one of the loneliest times of my life. My husband and I and our then 6 yr old son, along with my mom who was deep in the throes of Alzheimers, had just moved to New England. I empasis New England because you have to have had descendants on the Mayflower to fit in. I would bring my son to soccer games, and no one would talk to me. I’d have my dog with me and I’d talk to him. I used to have conversations with myself that I was going to hold up a sign saying ” Friends Wanted – Will Provide References.” Years later, a woman who became a friend told me she didn’t like me (at that early time) because I dressed too nice (aka: I didn’t fit in)! It’s many years later and I have made friends. But oh those were hard, hard days. I guess I would like to see you include something about being resilient and having the strength to keep putting yourself out there until you find that first friend. Me? I heard a woman speak with a Southern accent and went right up to her and introduced myself and said “you’re not from around here!” Today? She’s one of my best friends.

    Reply
  319. Natasha

    Wow!! What a powerful story!
    I love that in your writings I can see a woman that is just an everyday woman also like me and not somebody that I can’t aspire to be more like without feeling right I’m reaching for the stars and never going to reach! Thank you for your love in Christ!

    Reply
  320. Tanja

    Lysa,
    I LOVE this idea for a new book. I struggle with this and can totally see this entire situation happen to me, just like it did for you. I can’t wait to read it! I promise to be praying for you as you write this. Can you PLEASE address rejection from a family member? for example, what do you do when your own mom says you are “fat or insecure or a people pleaser?” I’m 41 and married with two kids. My mom is a Christian and so am I. So HOW do I honor her but not take the insults she says? She can quote scripture to benefit her and yet I feel she is still bitter from her past divorce 20 years ago. I really feel sorry for her, but I do not want to carry on the same dysfunction to my boys and I want to “live a life loved”, AND to show God’s love more. Please pray for me and PLEASE give me any advice you might have on this. You are truly a blessing in my life. God bless.

    Reply
  321. Kelly

    First of all WOW! I can’t wait to read the new book. We let our minds tell us things that really aren’t there and it causes us to react in all sorts of ways. This piece is well written and I look forward to the release date. Keep up the good work and thank you and your staff for all you do!

    Reply
  322. lorie bowman

    Thank you Lysa! This is so honest, so open, and so relatable (is that even a word, or even spelled correctly?). Seriously, I needed to read this today. I am flabbergasted that I have never read one of your books, but I assure you…once my car and window thaws out from the ice over here (which will be about 24 hours or less since I live in the South), I am heading to the store to BUY ONE!

    Reply
  323. Crystal

    Loved this! Can’t wait for your next book. Is love to see ideas about how to make adult friendships, not just the typical join a small group, but maybe steps to help that. I’m forever stuck in the coffee date cycle with new friends and don’t know how to take it deeper. I lost my best friend after 22 years of friendship top my exhubby’s new wife. It had been one of the lonely-est times of my life.

    Reply
  324. Margie McMullan

    I love the premise for the new book you are working on – you rock! Thanks for being you and for sharing with all of us – my book club reads all of your books, and we love you. Thank you!

    Reply
  325. Jeannie S

    Just yesterday I texted a lady I had been doing a bible study with to say hi and how are you. Bible study ended at Christmas and we haven’t started another one. She texted me back and said Great, thanks! That was it, there was no “How are you doing?” I took it as she didn’t want to know and maybe I wouldn’t be invited to the next study. But then I thought I really don’t know what’s going on in her head so I’m not going to go there. Even if it is true, it’s ok because God’s got me and I can’t do better than that!

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  326. Cathy

    I can totally relate to what you wrote, and after reading many of the comments from other women, the topic of rejection and loneliness hits home. I have struggled for most my life with placing so much weight and power into getting people’s approval of me..if I didn’t feel their reciprocation of my friendship, I immediately felt rejected and wondered what I did wrong. Why didn’t they want my friendship like I wanted theirs? What I have recently discovered after reading a wonderful book by Joseph Stowell about the “obsession with Significance” helped me to apply what I read to my own life, and stop the validation hunger and significance obsession through people, possessions, our roles, status, or anything else that gets more important than God filling that coveted role in our life. I am still a work in progress, but I now seek God’s approval more, and am trying not to read into every situation based on my feelings of inferiority or unworthiness. As Lysa wrote…it’s often more about the other person rather than you. I am so excited to read your book, I think it will be another great book!

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  327. Teena

    So, fabulous taste of your new book. I thought about my husband as I was reading. Not that I’ve never done that, he very much is concerned that people are picking him apart when in reality they just aren’t. I always try to tell myself that I’m just not that important or memorable. That, my friend, is what I would like to see addresses in your book. I can see someone from my past, someone I hadn’t seen in a while, and I’m convinced that they won’t recognize me let alone remember me. My struggle with regards to rejection is that I’m not important enough to remember and therefore I won’t be spoken to.

    Thanks so much for all that you do.

    Reply
  328. DDO

    Lysa,
    I wish this book was already written. It has been my struggle. I am in the season of continued struggle, but this time I am following Christ’s lead. It is still a struggle, but I am working hard every day in order to overcome all my insecurities. I will be first in line to get this book when it is finished. I now have a 7 yo daughter struggling with much of the same things. We are learning to live IN Christ together….as a family.

    Reply
  329. Lezli

    I think many women feel this way, so glad you are tackling this topic. I think sometimes as Christians we feel guilty thinking of feeling any negative thought. We think “Hey I’m saved isn’t that enough?!?” Yes it is enough, but that doesn’t mean you still don’t feel lonely at times. Anxious to read this book.

    Reply
  330. Robin

    OMW!!! This is a topic that has literally been the ceiling in my life that I cannot burst through. I have experienced true rejection. And to this day my heart aches when I think of the women this happened with. I would love to know how to overcome the pain and not let it cloud my thinking and perceptions of what others think about me. I am always feeling like others are judging me or think horrible things about me. It affects every part of my life. When I was a worship leader and things didn’t go perfectly, they all think I’m a horrible singer and leader. When I make mistakes, small or ginormous, my boss thinks I’m an idiot or incompetent. When I’m at the gym, everyone here thinks I’m a blob or is grossed out by my cellulite and flabby hips and thighs. I could go on and on.
    Lord knows I need a book on this topic. I once hD someone tell me that my thoughs are like a cassette tape (yes, I am dating myself). They said that in order to get rid of those thoughts I have to take out that tape, bust it up and start a new one. Great advise but how do I start the new one. I rely on Romans 12. Yet to this day, I need help with living out verse 2, to let my mind be renewed. I’m excited for this book, Lysa. I have a feeling many, many, many others are too.

    Reply
  331. Tracy

    Wow!!! I surely cannot wait to read this new book of yours! I feel rejection and have these same thoughts. I so needed to read this excerpt this am. I always tend to be very hard on myself and think the worst, and feel as if in some way I may be responsible for pushing people away. My father was not around much growing up, and was not affectionate, and my mother always rejected me in some way. If it was by “not so nice” words, to lack of affection as well. Can feelings of rejection later in life have stemmed from things that happened in our childhood?
    Always blessed by your books! Can’t wait to read this one!

    Reply
  332. Lavon

    I can’t wait to read this book, Lysa! I’ve dealt with feelings of rejection most of my life. My father abandoned us when I was very young. My first husband had several affairs before I realized I deserved better. I remarried four years later, just to have another husband run off with a much younger woman. But I’m a survivor. I met a man in church and we became wonderful friends. I fell in love…real love, that wasn’t based on “needs”. He made a commitment to me. We planned a future, with Christ at the center. And then he backed out, saying he doesn’t want to marry ever again. (his first wife cheated on him, so he naturally has his own issues). Since I firmly believe that God put us together, and gave me the strength and willingness to love again after the years of rejection, I’m having a hard time accepting this man’s change of mind. For the past 7 months I find myself in that silent, waiting place…wondering “what now?” I know that God is with me. I know that everything is according to His wonderful plan. But the waiting is such a lonely place sometimes.
    I can’t count how often your blogs and books, along with the other Proverbs 31 writers, have spoken to my heart.
    I’m praying that this new book will help me accept and deal with my feelings of loneliness and rejection. Thank you, Lysa for allowing God to use you to help other! You are a blessing.

    Reply
  333. Amanda

    I absolutely cannot wait to read this book. I have struggled with rejection in my life; my mom committed suicide when I was 13, my (now ex) husband met someone else, and on it goes. But, after reading this excerpt of the book, I know that I also project my fear of rejection onto others and perceive rejection even when there isn’t any rejection there. I can’t wait to read more.

    I would love to see a portion of the book cover self-sabatoge as a result of fear of rejection. I have struggled with my weight my entire life. And, although I really want to change, I fear it. I fear stepping out of the weight I hide behind and allowing my heart to be put out there once again. I fear that will be trampled again but this time I won’t be able to use my weight as an excuse for why it happened. This time, without the weight being a possibility, it might be that there is something inherently wrong with me. Now, my rational, God-fearing, Christ-loving heart knows that this is really not true. But, my brain doesn’t. So I protect myself by staying in this fat body and sabatoge any efforts at weight loss I try. And, I know, deep down, that this all stems from my fear of rejection.

    Reply
  334. Barb

    I ABSOLUTELY love the idea and reality of your new book. These thoughts have haunted me for a few years now and I don’t know why. I want to always believe it is them, the other ladies…but in reality it may be me? I am still unsure. I work in ministry in a mega church, and what plays over and over in my mind is the line how lonely it is in leadership and ministry. Sure I know literally thousands of faces, but trying to get close and have a separation often has been the hardest. I want to live above reproach in all that I do, but often times it is the loneliest place. Thank you in advance. I can’t wait!

    Reply
  335. Sherri

    Wow! I too have felt rejection. And I hate it and it hurts! I received a bigger bonus than my best friend and she immediately turned away from me. I’m still reeling from this and no matter how much I try to address it, more rejection comes at me. As a result of her rejection of me, I’m finding myself pulling away from others that are close to me. I hate this chain reaction.
    I can’t wait to read the new book. Your timing is perfect!

    Reply
  336. JulieW

    Oh my gosh, that could so be me! I completely hear what you are saying but HOW? How do I make that transition after so many years of caring way too much of what other people think of me? How do I FEEL loved instead of always feeling unworthy. Unworthy is definitely the one word I would use to sum up how I feel about myself and I definitely think I put that on others as well – they see me as unworthy as well. How do I make the change?

    Reply
  337. Kate

    Lisa,
    I have walked the wilderness of loneliness, where I learned to thirst for His presence. If I didnt move in that space how could I have known He was better. I wear the scars of rejection. But now they show that God is my healer. I think you should include in your new book how these hard times are valuable in growing our faith…if we choose to. We can learn to have joy no matter or circumstance, to suffer and know…even though it doesn’t feel good…that God will work all things out for our good and his purpose. It is about surrender. Releasing control. Crave His presence as a vital necessity. He will meet us in those most desperate places. Praise God!

    Reply
  338. Rebecca

    I love it! My Bible study group just had a discussion about this very topic–others’ perceptions of us (true or perceived) and our perceptions of others. It can truly be harmful to relationships and how we think about ourselves even when what we’re thinking is so far from the truth like in the first scenario that you described. I think so many people can identify with this situation, and I love that you bring it all together with a positive ending that God loves us and that’s what we need to focus on. Period. Nothing else. So, if your book is filled with gems like this, I can’t wait to read it. Best wishes with your writing!

    Reply
  339. jamie

    Are you inside my head? Or maybe you’re so much closer to God that he trusts you with my thoughts and has uou write books and blogs in effort to convince my ever doubtful self that He does hear me and then uses your writing to teach me how He’d have my thoughts be instead. Are tears supposed to well up while reading other people’s struggles and Battles just because they’re identically relatable to every inch of your own mind and heart? All I can say is I feel like we’re twins with identical experiences so please don’t stop sharing so I can lean and understanding and find hope. Thru you God is blessing me. I can feel Him.

    Reply
  340. Charlotte

    Ok so let me say this I DO THAT ALL THE TIME. Fill myself with rejection over something or someone and then persecute myself when in reality it was nothing and the other person thought little of it.
    I am excited to read your book. Your chapter holds great potential for your future words and thoughts. Maybe it will be out by the time we leave for Israel and I can read it as we travel. Exciting days ahead. Keep at it and so will I. Joyful living in a hardened world.

    Reply
  341. Tammy Parlin

    Wow ~ what a wonderful start!! I absolutely love it and it spoke right to my very core. This is definitely an issue that I deal with. It was like you were reading my thoughts 🙂 I would love for you to deal with how to change that thinking ~ I’m sure that’s where you will go with it. I know part of it is rejecting the lies that Satan will plant in your mind to make you spiral down down down! Knowing how to trigger that positive thinking sooner than later would be so helpful! Live loved ~ great advice and beautiful words 🙂

    Reply
  342. Andrea Runyon

    rejection can sometimes run so deep that it seeps out of us for years to come. i, like you, spent much of my life without a father around. we know how this can affect us, so pleas cover that. also, my father was not a kind man, he hurt with words. This leaves scars that affect our perception of ourselves for decades. Thanks lysa for tackling another hard topic. i still re-read Made to Crave.

    Reply
  343. Jen

    This short excerpt spoke deeply to my hurting heart. Thank you. I cannot wait to read the finished product!

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  344. Gayle Anderson

    I’ve filled this way many times then when I reached the age of 60 it’s the light bulb finally came on. I don’t have to get upset when someone else is acting badly or seems to be angry with me. It’s my choice whether I except or no and how we take others actions. It’s been hard at times not to..But not everything is about me.

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  345. Sandy Coates

    This is going to be a great book. When I think of rejection and being alone – I hope you talk about dating in this day and age when you are in your 40’s – very hard to find the right person and not settle.

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  346. Sandra S

    I know several women who do this, put thoughts into other people’s (usually other women’s) minds. This is going to be a good book to recommend to these friends. I don’t think that I do this but perhaps I do, or if I feel that someone “has it in for me” I will just approach them if/when given the chance and speak to them about it. Not that it would bother me or stew up in me for long b.c I feel that if someone doesn’t like me for whatever reason it was mostly just a misunderstanding or character conflict.
    God Bless you in your ministry.

    Reply
  347. Rita

    Looking forward to this new book and am endeared to you that you are asking for suggestions. That makes me feel included and special, not rejected or overlooked. Curious to see how you might address being assertive, learning how to be more assertive. I was raised in a large family with loving parents but never given special attention…just went along with the whole group, to not make waves. That has resulted in an adult life of not being assertive when I should have been, not learning how to do so. Thank you and will be watching for the completed book.

    Reply
  348. Tami Barron

    I love it! Your writing always speaks to me. It’s as if you are inside my head, pouring out the feelings that I believed I was the only one having! My crazy speaks to me every day! Can’t wait for the new book!

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  349. Martha Pilcher

    I am excited about this book. I have been there with that person who could not stand me, only to find out later that she didn’t feel that way at all. Then, I had experienced real rejection and I know how it can damage a person emotionally. After a time, you start to expect the rejection and you react instead of act. It can cause you to miss out on great friendships.

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  350. Missy Morgan

    I would definitely read this book. This excerpt sounds so much like me! And to “live Loved” sounds like a great place to be! Thank you!!

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  351. Kelly

    “I assign thoughts to others that they never really think. I hold them accountable to harsh judgments they never make. And I own a rejection from them they never gave me.”

    This is me to a “T”. I’ve struggled with it all my life and more often then I’d like to admit, I believe these lies. It’s probably kept me from forming true friendships and in some ways stopped me from living my life to the fullest. It has certainly stopped me dead in my tracks in my pursuits to honor God in my life. Church folks can be judgmental, so I go ahead and do their judging for them to save them time. Stops me dead in my tracks.

    I know God loves me and I believe that with my whole heart. I need to remind myself occasionally that Satan is constantly using this against me, but that my God is greater and will pull me through this to the truth.

    I’m looking forward to this new book, Lysa!

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  352. ck

    Love what I’ve read so far….perceptions form so much in us…need to filter before embracing them, hunh?
    Thank you Lysa! Will buy and highlight this book.

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  353. Teresa McDonald

    Lysa, I absolutely LOVE this sneakpeak of your new book. You made me laugh (I really loved the marshmallow in a t-shirt description) That’s me! I’ve seen you talk at Women of Faith a few times, I listen to your podcasts, and subscribe to Proverbs 31 ministries and have several of your books. You inspire me! Can’t wait for your new book to come out. I’ll definitely buy it!

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  354. Susan

    Been guilty of imposing thoughts on others as well setting myself up for rejection. Thanks for the insight.

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  355. Michelle

    Can I say ouch? Reading this hit a nerve (or two). Not only do I struggle with intimidation and rejection but I think perhaps it is because I am such a critical person, (I am trying to work on that!) I just assume that others are as well. And that because my thoughts are often dark and ugly, I assign those thoughts to others. So many times, I just assume they are thinking the worst when in reality, that couldn’t be further from the truth. Perhaps you are writing this book for me! 🙂

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  356. Karla

    I love it! and it’s so incredibly true. We jump to assumptions and conclude what we think other people think of us, without really knowing what’s in their heart. These self imposed thoughts eat away at us and rob us of peace. I love the direction this book is going. Can’t wait to read more 🙂

    Reply
  357. Darlene

    Wow, just from reading this I WANT and NEED this book. My supervisor at my job hates me. Really. If looks could kill I would have been dead a long time ago. I don’t know what I did or why she is like this, except that others in my position have only lasted a couple years. I’ve been putting up with it for 8 years. So she treated them the same way. If I was younger so I could get another job, believe me I would have been gone a long time ago too. Maybe this book will help me deal with it. Even though I am older (64) I plan to work yet for a long time. I would surely appreciate prayer. I would love to have a different job. This job has affected my health (high blood pressure). Thank you for Proverbs 31 Ministries. I look forward to the devotional every day!

    Reply
  358. Ritha Bates

    I can’t wait to read this book! As a pastor’s wife, mother, friend, sister, daughter, etc. I set myself up for the feelings of rejection daily. I won’t write a book here because I can’t wait to read yours. Praying that the Lord bless you with the words we all need. 🙂

    Reply
  359. Debbie

    I LOVE this topic. I deal with perceived rejection and loneliness all the time. I have very low self-esteem and am constantly projecting my perceptions of myself on to other people. It does cause problems at times and it usually ends with me realizing that it was all in my head. Fortunately, I have very patient friends that love me anyway.

    Reply
  360. Carol

    And maybe when she moved to the treadmill it was because she had finished with her planned time on the elliptical machine. Any of all the many potential scenarios are valid but the self talk in your head is what is the issue. This is certainly an issue with many of us and the book will be an awesome OBS when it comes out!

    Reply
  361. Shelley

    You always find a way to capture the mind-thoughts of what, I’m sure, so many women face every day! I know this excerpt could describe me!! Excited to see what the rest of the book holds and will strive from here on out to “live loved.”

    Reply
  362. Heidi L

    Boy, did this hit home. Thank you.

    Reply
  363. chris

    WOW! I cannot wait for this book. I can use some of its great wisdom but in reading the above excerpt, I believe with all my heart, this book could have the power to change my daughter’s life in a HUGE way! I will begin today to pray that when she reads it (that will be a major undertaking as she HATES to read), her heart will believe and her mind that she is so very loved.

    Reply
  364. Linda

    I can really relate to this message. I have such a good imagination and can develop a story that I feel is the truth. Again my poor self esteem takes over which denies me the joy of getting close to someone, even myself. I truly need your book to encourage me to take that step forward. I am looking forward to reading your new book. Life is a journey and it is good to know that I am not alone. It’s going to help me let go of the negative statements that I tell myself. GOD bless you always and thanks for the support you provide

    Reply
  365. Linda

    Lysa – I have been contemplating lately how much “crazy” talk goes on in my head, trying to step out of myself and my perception and trying to see situations through another person’s perspective. I can relate so much to the fellow gym goer story. I play things out way more dramatic in my head then reality really is. Thank you for taking on this subject and I cannot wait to get your book in my hands! love ya!

    Reply
  366. Sara

    I love what you shared. You are gifted at sharing your heart and wisdom at the same time. Thanks for answering the call to do this. I pray you are strengthened, encouraged, and inspired by all of the comments. I would like to see rejection in marriage addressed. How do I live above it? How do I get God’s truth from my head to my heart and really live like I believe it, not just know it? A lot of bad emotions come with rejection like fear, anxiety, and hopelessness – they’re things I never had trouble with in my life before and now they hit me daily. Insight into how to unload the baggage that comes with rejection would be great. Basically, any pearls of wisdom you have I know I will cherish. Thanks again for taking on this project. It will be used to bless many people, no doubt.

    Reply
  367. Jessica Simmons

    OH Lysa!!! Thank you so much for addressing this issue. It is a constant battle I have in my life and my dear very best friend is battling right now in hers. I don’t know what I would like to see in your next book but I know anything that you can offer will help me plus thousands of other women like me. Thank you so much for everything you do! I dearly love the way you write! You have helped me so many days when I felt alone in my thinking and you helped to remind me that I am not alone and that God loves me and accepts me just as I am.

    Reply
  368. Kelley

    This is definitely a message that will touch many, definitely including me! I can relate to what you posted so well.

    I’d like to see helpful scripts or thought processes to keep us from over-thinking situations, but also how to deal with them as our Lord would have us deal with them. But also how to react, respond, and/or get over being left out- such as this: You work in a department of 4 women. 3 of them go on vacation together – then they go to concerts together. And on and on. Work is fine, everyone’s doing their jobs, and one of the 3 is actually one of your very best friends. What should you do? How do you act? How should you feel? How do you deal with this day in and day out? How do you keep from over analyzing the person you are, trying to figure out what’s wrong with you, why do they leave you out? Is it because you don’t like to drink? Because you tend to be an introvert? Because you’re not loud and talkative all the time? Practical tips to work through such situations in a healthy and Christ-like manner, without resentment.

    I look forward to reading the new book!!

    Reply
  369. Cindy

    So excited that you are writing a new book and look forward to reading it. Perception isn’t always reality. We often jump to conclusions that aren’t warranted or true.

    Reply
  370. Glenda Williamson

    I have a friend who says that she is sad, lonely, depressed, no one likes her, etc. But, every time I or another friend of hers tries to get her involved, to include her, to help her feel less lonely, she refuses to participate. Maybe, you could address this type of person that is always “woe is me” but never wants to take any help or counsel from anyone. She seems to want to stay where she is. How can she best be helped? Thanks! You are an amazing author!!

    Reply
  371. Patti S Herren

    This could not be more relative to me. I love your statement “the crazy in my head”. Yep, that’s me! I truly believe this book will be another smashing hit that will minister to the women of God in this world. God bless you Lysa for your ability to reach us!

    Reply
  372. Sarah

    I feel like you stole the thought patterns right out of my head. I love the way you said it: “I assign thoughts to others that they never really think. I hold them accountable to harsh judgments they never make. And I own a rejection from them they never gave me.”

    I seriously do this ALL of the time. And my eyes were never opened to this until I read your words this morning. I canNOT wait until you come out with this new book!!!

    Reply
  373. Barb

    Lysa,
    I am so excited to read this book!! I have really been struggling with feelings of betrayal, rejection and the loneliness it can bring in life. I felt such an assurance from the Holy Spirit today that I need to leave those things at the foot of the cross and LIVE LIKE I’M LOVED! Thank you for being an instrument of healing for many.

    Barb

    Reply
  374. Janet

    This hit me straight in the heart:

    Which has really gotten me thinking about all the many times I assign thoughts to others that they never really think. I hold them accountable to harsh judgments they never make. And I own a rejection from them they never gave me.

    Reply
  375. yvonne

    Lysa,
    i guess what i would like to see included in your book is how to get past old wounds. those mortal wounds from childhood that are still impacting your life.
    thank you

    Reply
  376. tammy

    This is me all over. I work out very early in the morning before anyone gets there. Well all of a sudden there are 2 lady’s that have started coming and they fly on these machines. It put me to shame. I got to where I would start packing up to go ad soon as they come in. One morning I had not even got out of the car yet and they drove up. I pretented I was leaving. Yo hear there conversation s, parties they go to, kids st private school ect. I can not compete with them. I was even thinking of changing time I go or stop all together. Then this week I got ready to go and told them to have a nice day. Then we even started talking a little and know some of the same people.

    Reply
  377. Alicia

    I can’t articulate my words quite as beautifully like you can, which makes me delirious with excitement over this future book! I too have been blindsided by the enemy and have had and entertained and struggled with those “lofty” thoughts, that have set me so off course. I find myself still seeking decernment and guidance on how to navigate these sometimes troubled waters. And now seeking the same guidance for my 11 daughter as well. So yeah ;). Love you Lysa! Praying for you!!!

    Reply
  378. Karin

    Lysa, your words are always spot on! I have felt loneliness as a leader of women and re-locating to another state. I have created scenarios in my head so many times, just like you. Thinking one thing about how someone feels about me and completing obsessing about it for days. The people pleaser in me needs to get a grip. We begin “The Best Yes” at church tonight with much excitement because your words are always so honest and touch on what many women are thinking but are afraid to say out loud. I can’t wait to read this next book…you are a huge blessing to me and many others!

    Reply
  379. Mel

    I am 27 years old, single and live alone. For some reason, every time I start to make a friend, they move away. Every time I meet a nice guy and he seems interested, he disappears never to be seen again; and all in church. This reopens a wound over and over again. It has also made me feel sorry for myself and wonder what I did wrong.

    I work in a law firm with 4 other ladies and yesterday 2 of them went to lunch at one place and the other two went to lunch elsewhere and no one thought to ask me to come along. Here is the difference between the story in the book and mine– I knew they didn’t do it on purpose to be mean. They are a good group of ladies. But I still let it hurt my feelings. I cried to God all the way home from lunch and all the way back to the office and everywhere in between and when I got to the office this morning and opened my email, I found the advertisement for this new book.

    I don’t believe in coincidence. I believe this book is an answer to prayer.

    Reply
  380. Grace

    As I sit here, a sophomore in biology class. I struggle with this. All the time. A lot lately. I’ve felt many forms of rejection and loneliness. One of the worst I think was from the absence of my dad. I can’t wait for this book! God used you to save my life when I was in 8th grade through Made to Crave for Young Women. I honestly have no idea where I would be if I hadn’t read that book. Quite possibly dead. I couldn’t have lived much longer in the state I was in.

    Reply
  381. Brandy

    Love your writing style…humorous, relatable, and Christ focused. I completely identified with your scenario and thought train. Been convicted of this process many times by God & learned how it hurts not only me but His ability to use me. Looking forward to hearing how God speaks through you to all of us. Thank you for being His willing servant and pouring out yourself to us.

    Reply
  382. Lori

    Hi Lysa! I loved this column and can SO relate!! In your next book, could you possibly address how not to damage ourselves by degrading ourselves. For instance, my sweet husband always tells me, “Lori, you are so hard on yourself! If someone else was that hard on you, I would be so angry with them.” I can’t help it! I was raised with a very poor self esteem and in the 27 years I have been married, the only shred of self esteem I have has been fostered by God and him! I have been a slow learner, but none the less, I am much better than I was, way back there! This frailty comes through when I meet someone who does not immediately “click” with me or when I look in the mirror or when I walk away from a meaningful conversation that seemed so good and rich, only to think, “I bet they couldn’t wait to get away from you! You talked too much!” We all think like this from time to time and I certainly glean from others and how they handle it with the Lord’s help. “As iron sharpeneth iron…” we make our way with God’s Word and the help of others! Thank you Lysa for your encouraging life and words! God Bless!

    Reply
  383. Ann Starkweather

    I would love to read the rest of the story as I found the first inspiring. I myself struggle with negative processing thoughts of how people preceive me due to severe OCD and paranoia as I also sttuggle with aorexia and exercise bulemia … I also love Proverbs 31 devotional… Thanks Ann Starkweather

    Reply
  384. Amanda

    oh Lysa, I think you have visited my head and heart lately! Lord knows I need these words, and how to deal with all the perceived rejection and hate from others in my own day-to-day living! Yvonne’s comment about overcoming old wounds is on the money too….and I am wondering if you are going to connect this feeling rejected thing to the “people pleasing addiction” and need to please? I think they are very much linked! And thank you for the “Lived Loved” word…I find that I need to hear that and carry it in my heart the most!

    Reply
  385. Jackie

    This touched me where i am right now in my life. What you wrote and how you made me smile about all is truly a gift. Looking forward to reading this some day.

    Reply
  386. Laurie Messer

    Lysa,

    I absolutely LOVED this!! I cannot wait to read the book in its entirety! I think this is an issue most women, including myself, struggle with at times. Thank you so much for addressing this in your new book! I have to admit you had me grinning from ear-to-ear with your “perceived” story because I’m guilty of doing the same thing at time! Thank you for being real and for desiring to help us learn not to assign thoughts to others in our life, but to walk every day knowing that we are loved by God and that is enough.

    Any idea of when your book will be published? I’d like to do a blog series on it with my readers.

    Walking in His Grace,
    Laurie
    http://grace-filled-moments.blogspot.com/

    Reply
  387. Cathy

    I can’t wait. You always write like I think. This is what we all think at times. I really appreciate your writing. Thanks for doing it. Thanks to God he has given you the ability to write. Thank you.

    Reply
  388. Margaret

    THAT was so me. Thank you so much for sharing that. Your writing style is great–it’s as if you are sitting at a table with your readers and just talking from the heart, just having a conversation with us. Thank you.

    Reply
  389. Laura Decatur

    I love all of your books. This will be no exception. I love how you wrap beautiful messages with humor and love. Carry on, live loved. 😉

    Reply
  390. Donna Reed

    I love it and I can’t wait to read the rest of your book. I have loved your writing from the beginning (every book, talk, devotional, blog, etc) – God really speaks through you in very funny and REAL language that we (as women) can RELATE to.
    Live Loved – how true that is – I am going to put that on my computer right now to remind me. That could be a great title for the book too!
    Thank you Lysa for speaking to all of us – I will pray for you as you continue this book.

    Reply
  391. Danielle K

    Can’t wait for this book, this sounds like me exactly. It’s kept me from pursuing alot in my life and I am tired of it. Thank you.

    Reply
  392. Melissa

    This is so timely…it has to be a God-thing! I have been struggling with this very issue for a while now…I even had an imagined rejection from a co-worker earlier this morning. I needed this! I will be eagerly looking for your book to come out!

    Thank you for the ministry you have! So many times you have touched my heart with your heartfelt sharing! It feels so good to know that there are other women who understand!

    Your Sister in Christ,

    Melissa

    Reply
  393. Kathryn

    I love where you said “God’s love is placed on us”. Rejection can be challenging but helps turn my heart to God who will “never leave me or forsake me”. Thanks for sharing. It sounds like it will be a great book. Will you address the conflict that goes in when you can be at odds with people yet know God wants you to live at peace with everyone?

    Reply
  394. Kate Sommerfeld

    I just want to say that I have never EVER had an author who could get inside my head and my heart the way you do. Every topic and the way you present it, always rings true for me and I feel so understood and less alone because of it. I honestly love what you have written so far and can’t wait to read all of it. Thank you for taking the risk of being so transparent to help others who desperately need it. I truly hope I get the pleasure of meeting you one day. To give you a great big hug and thank you personally. Keep up the great, God glorifying work Lysa! Thank you for allowing God to use you to touch my heart and the hearts of SO many, MANY others.

    Reply
    • Pamela

      Hi Kate,

      You took the words right out of my mouth. Love this woman’s writing!

      Pamela

      Reply
  395. Missy McClure

    You certainly hit a nerve – I think for most women. There are some that self esteem is no problem, but for most of us, even though we hide it, have low self esteem. The world, media, and even other women feed that in us and we believe the lies! I love the words at the end of the post – Live Loved! We are loved by the King and Creator of the universe! How does it get any better than that? Thank you! I am looking forward to the book. Blessings to you as continue on this path of encouraging women all around the world!

    Reply
  396. Daniela

    I would love to read what you have to say and how you talk about forgiveness. I think is a crucial matter when it comes to getting over rejection of somehow.
    I love the freshness that you write with! It makes me evaluate challenges that we all face with a light weight approach. Without all the judgements and stuff that normally comes to your head.
    So yeah, I’m thankful for your life!

    Reply
  397. LaNelle Chancellor

    Lysa,

    How many times a DAY do these kind of unholy thoughts come into my mind?! Weight is the thorn in my side. I forget how much God loves me. Your chapter is a great wake up call to remember the truth in God’s Word and let go of trying to make an idol of myself! Thank you!!

    Reply
  398. Becky Stepp

    Loved this sneak peak. You are such a wonderful writer. I love when you add humor, because that really relates to me and so many other women. I think as women it is so easy to get down on ourselves because most of our lives we tend to receive our identities from our children, husband, home, work, etc. instead of who God really created us to be!

    Love you!
    Becky

    Reply
  399. Darlene

    I’m not sure about what else you would put in the book but you got the beginning right. I love the “live loved”. I so needed that this morning. I can’t wait to read the rest of this book. You are living proof that God does use Romans 8:28 – everything you go through He turns it around to help you and so many of us from your writings. Thank you for obeying – be blessed.

    Reply
  400. Pamela

    I LOVE this! From a fellow marshmallow who doesn’t even have the courage to step in the gym! Can’t wait for the book to fall on the shelf! Kate Sommerfeld took the words right out of my mouth and said it best, “I have never EVER had an author who could get inside my head and my heart the way you do. Every topic and the way you present it, always rings true for me and I feel so understood and less alone because of it. I honestly love what you have written so far and can’t wait to read all of it. Thank you for taking the risk of being so transparent to help others who desperately need it. I truly hope I get the pleasure of meeting you one day. To give you a great big hug and thank you personally. Keep up the great, God glorifying work Lysa! Thank you for allowing God to use you to touch my heart and the hearts of SO many, MANY others.”

    Reply
  401. kat

    I’m so excited about your new book and can’t wait for it. 🙂
    about loneliness, how do you overcome it when you feel lonely even when you’re with a bunch of people. everyone is talking to everyone else except you.
    then there’s the rejection with an incident happened at church with your grandchild and people start deleting you from their friends list on facebook.

    Reply
  402. Angel Faces Mom

    Considering my comment is number 402 (I thought it would be 400, but by the time I got here, 2 others beat me to it!), I would say this book is MUCH NEEDED!!! I have your book Unglued, a friend of mine sent it to me, then I heard you today on Focus On The Family talking about your book “The Best Yes”…it’s like you are living my life!!! Thank GOD you’re getting it all down on paper, so I don’t have to! LOL! Seriously, can’t wait to read this next book on loneliness and rejection, something I have struggled with my entire life. Thank you for sharing your gifts and talents with us and God bless you!

    Reply
  403. Gretta Roark

    I really enjoyed. It will be good when you getting it finished.

    Reply
  404. Gloria

    I loved the sneak peak. God really speaks to me through you. Why do we do this to ourselves? Can’t wait to read the rest!

    Reply
  405. Donna

    “what you’d like to see addressed in a book about rejection” … what I already see is God using you to speak to an area that cripples us as women. He will lead you, for certain. What I would like to see addressed is when a major relationship, (parent) rejects you. What about “honoring your mother and father” ? how do you honor a parent who is consumed with self at the expense of others you love, including yourself and spouse? (Not a child/parent relationship but a grown woman who’s been married and on her own for 24 yrs.)

    Reply
  406. Stephanie G

    My first thought was that I wished this book was already in print!! I could use many more reminders like this one! Praying for the process and looking forward to the final product, more than you know.

    Reply
  407. Becky

    i can relate to that. I think what I’d like to see in the book are specific verses, truths that combat these type of thoughts. Maybe even a special section dedicated to good scripture to memorize for those of us with this inner dialogue. Looking forward to it!!

    Reply
  408. Sherri Longnecker

    This is exactly how I feel and I think most women feel. I think that is why women are their own worst enemy because they think they know what other women are thinking and it turns out that isn’t what they were thinking at all. I think this book is going to be great. Lysa you really know how to put things into words. And I can relate to so many of your books and blogs. Thank You!

    Reply
  409. Crystal

    I am currently reading your book The Best Yes and it has helped me very much! I am enjoying it and I can’t wait to read more of your books. As I was reading the beginning of your new book I easily could relate to it. As women we tend to over think a lot of things and our thoughts can drive us crazy. We can not let the devil lie to us and make us believe those lies. I loved this sentence that you put “and i own a rejection from them they never gave me”. I tend to do this a lot, I can take a simple gesture and take it all wrong.
    What I would like to see in this book are scriptures to help us be wise, and how to deal with those thoughts that we get that are not true or that are hurting us. For example I was dating a guy for 9 months and I ended the relationship about two months ago. I feel lonely at times, and my thoughts go crazy like what if I never marry or what if I made a wrong decision etc. I would like to see scriptures on loneliness.
    Thank you so much for the wonderful words of encouragement and I am looking forward to reading your new book!

    Love Crystal

    Reply
  410. Sharron

    The awfulness that I struggle with…not finding justification and love from my kids when I am missing it from my husband. ;o) Done it too many times, and God has shown me that from neither one of those relationships should love be manipulated from. God is an abundance. Praise God for that.

    Reply
  411. Cheryl

    Love it!! Can’t wait for the rest!!! Always so blessed by your words!!

    Reply
  412. Renon Bryce

    I am so excited to read this book. I was just journaling about this very thing and thinking, how can I stop this? How can I know what is truth? I am excited to read this book, your words touch my heart and truly are like sitting down and having a conversation. Sadly, I am working on my relationship with my husband. I assume the worst every time. I would love to see a suggestion or two on this. I know I want my soul set on God but my husband matters so much to me that when I think I think I sense his frustrations with me I get hurt. Looking for a balance and truth meter. Thanks again for your honesty and sharing your thoughts and testimony of God.

    Reply
  413. Debbie

    Lysa,

    Thank you for writing this book. Several years ago someone started a rumor about me. I lost all my friends because of the rumor. I know exactly what rejection and loneliness feels like. It was one of the loneliest times in my life. Imagine losing everyone in your life over a rumor. I didn’t know how to handle it or how to stop the rumor. One day I opened my Bible and the verse “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge him, And he will make your paths straight.”(Proverbs 3:5-6) That was the moment I knew I needed to give it to the Lord. At that moment it didn’t matter if people believed the rumor. The feeling of rejection and loneliness were gone. I had something so much better I had a relationship with the Lord. Although I would like to say the rumor is gone and I have new friends. That has not happened. This is one of the topics I would love to see in your book. How do you make new friends? I would also like to see the following topics addressed in the book.
    1. How to deal with rejection. ( In different areas in your life; church, work, college, friends, and family)
    2. How to deal with the people who are rejecting you if they deny it.

    Thanks again for this book. You are such a blessing.

    Debbie

    .

    Reply
  414. Gayle

    Lysa,

    Loved the sneak peek. I can so identify with your feelings. What I sometimes perceive others are maybe thinking could be just that they are havinga bad day and frankly don’t think what I do or how I look— a second thought. Oh Lord,please help me, it’s not always about me. Thank you for being honest with your feelings, i think them, but many times will not share with others. And our sharing is really what helps our sisters in Christ share too, freeing them and us too. KEEP WRITING!

    Reply
  415. Jamie Smith

    Way to go! The enemy works hard on me to make me doubt that I am loved, that I am worthy to be where those better (more in shape, younger, dressed nicer, smarter, wealthier, etc.) are, whether it be the gym or a Bible study. I have to stay in the word, in prayer, and remember to constantly rebuke satan, to remember I am loved and worthy! God made me in his image! He loves me!

    Reply
  416. Christine

    How does she know what I am dealing with lately?? God knows tho! 🙂

    Reply
  417. Kathleen Morris

    I love the line about assigning thoughts to other people! That is SO what we do to ourselves! I agree with some of the other commenters that Scripture is needed to combat that train of thought. We all need reminding of who we are to our Heavenly Father so we don’t get caught up in who we are (or are not) to other fallen humans who have their own issues having nothing to do with us.

    Reply
  418. Trish

    Please remind us that if we believe God is in control of our circumstances that he allows it to fulfill His purpose for our lives then we have to remind ourselves when we feel rejected or abandoned that he is beside us using that circumstance to bless us & our persepctive has to be God filtered to ask those hard questions about am I seeing this from something I want or from something I am asking God to grow me with. once I can see it from His perspective to bless me than I have hope that will give me joy to overshadow the negatice feeling. Please find a way to reinforce that in our thinking pattern. To help focus on the future blessing so we can keep treading water instead of sinking to lies of our distorted minds.

    Reply
  419. JoAnn

    Thank you Lysa for sharing a sneak peek of your book with us! I love how you make me laugh. It’s humorous to me because I’ve shared similar life experiences and have had the same thoughts. l filter my thoughts with prayer before reacting negatively. I am so excited about reading your new book. You are an inspiration!
    Blessings and a Smile!
    JoAnn

    Reply
  420. Trish

    thank you for keeping it real to be vulnerable to the world for humility is a great utensil for God to work & you are being His instrument to grow all of us on your journey of growth. Nothing comes back void in God’s arena so keep writing & keep praying he give you insight & conviction to do His bidding. You are loved, help god show us all how we are loved beyond any comprehension. Have a blessed journey Lysa. I will pray for your equipping, strengthening, encouraging & boldness to complete this task & for protection of the enemies obstacles aas he will try to place them there to keep you from opening our eyes in Jesus name amen.

    Reply
  421. Missy

    The words you from here are so relevant and relatable. You are such an encouragement, Lysa.

    I would love to see the issue of how loneliness and rejection can affect not only your physical health but also your spiritual health. I don’t know about how other women cope, but sometimes rejection sends me right into a pit. That pay it starts to close in on me and I can start to see the world very dimly. It’s the same with loneliness. I am very much looking forward to reading this new book. Knowing that we aren’t alone and that we journey through these feelings with so many others is always an encouragement.

    Reply
  422. Laura McFarland

    This sounds like a book im going to look forward to read in the future! I love this passage, bc its so true! Sadly I do the exact same thing all the time when in reality my assumptions were all false! And I needed the reminder of how God created me and loves me no matter what. I need to Live Loved.

    Reply
  423. Stacy

    Fighting back tears as I write this….I’m sure you’ve heard that many times before, blessed as you are with the gift of connecting with us where we are. That is actually my gift too, and I am fortunate to use it professionally. Something changes it seems when looking in the mirror though, with my own inner critic reminding me of my shortcomings. I’ve learned her source, and how to shut her up, thankfully…..that is until she attempts to find evidence in relationships around me to support her theories. I’d love for your new book to address the rejection and loneliness that comes from family of origin relationships that weren’t what you hoped, not matter how hard you have tried (ie. parent, sibling). Knowgin God as my Father has made all the difference and I feel certain that He can use you to share His unconditional love to others who also struggle with grieving these relationships. Thanks for being the blessing you are ♥

    Reply
  424. DeAnn

    I was able to completely relate to what you wrote. I find myself assuming what people are thinking and feeling about me and in most cases I am probably incorrect.

    Reply
  425. Kathy

    Love this Lysa. Can I just share something with you? I live with the girl on the tread mill, my 24 year old daughter. She is a competitive body builder…. super fit, super lean, and drop dead gorgeous. She’s that woman you just want to slap the beautiful off of her face! She takes her gym time super seriously. Her competition results rely on her commitment to a hard workout. She is a night shift ICU RN at a large hospital and goes straight to the gym after work. So after literally spending 12 hours on her feet saving lives, she really wants to get her 2 hour workout done and go home and go to bed.. There are those days when she comes home from the gym and is very frustrated because she has had to wait on people “hogging m achiness” who seem to be goofing off, ie. not as serious about their work out as she is about hers. And then there are those days that she comes home and shares how she has been able to encourage someone else at the gym. The bottom line is this. Some days she is bone tired and feeling selfish. Other days she is energized and ready to love on everyone at the gym. She is…………….. just like you and me. Good days, bad days, glad days, sad days. She herself feels rejection because she is so fit. She feels people staring at her, judging her heart by her appearance, assuming she must be a selfish snob. It is so important that we look at our feelings of rejection from a different perspective than our current emotional state.

    Reply
  426. shar y

    I have wasted hours (!) fretting over what I “think” others are thinking about a given situation or me. You are so on track with this one and I can’t wait to get my hands on this book! Keep up the good work! Yay you!

    Reply
  427. rhonda poe

    Love the sneak peak of your book! You are so insightful. It took rehab for me to open my eyes to doing this very thing. Now my motto is assume the very best. Either way it changes nothing for them and everything for me. Can’t wait to read your book!

    Reply
  428. Tanya Simkovich

    Assigning thoughts to others that they never really think. This is a key! I believe that I do this. I probably do this because I am such a judgemental person myself (ENFJ here!) and how often might I have sold my past relationships short by doing this? How often to I miss out on making new relationships by doing this now?! Thank you for this post! I’ll be praying about my habits in this regard..as I do about so many other things you write! I thank The Lord for you Lysa. I ask his blessing on you and your ministry so that you can continue helping others such as myself. You are very appreciated!!

    Reply
  429. Linda Thomas

    Lysa,
    I love it ! Can’t wait to read more and more and more.

    Reply
  430. Jane

    Wow! I can totally relate! Lysa, God has truly gifted you with wisdom, insight, humility, the desire to speak truth and encourage us women. Thank you for following His lead and opening yourself up to us so we can learn. I love everything you write and always share it with my friends. May God continue to bless you!

    Reply
  431. Cheri M.

    As I was reading this all I could think about was how true this is and I find it happens all the time. I started making a mental list of my family and friends that I would like to give a
    copy of the book to them to read. I think it will be a blessing to my daughter if she can
    realize this at a young age.

    Reply
  432. Justine White

    Wow…..that was fitting for the last 24 hrs I’ve had!! I too am the queen of assuming other’s thoughts incorrectly. I want to put Live Loved in my sight each day. Rejection in so many area’s of life would all be good to address. For Singles, rejection of loving relationships could be a helpful topic. I personally would like to read something on getting rejected after going the extra mile. Say, on jobs. I’ve Actually been told I’m “too nice” on jobs and was scolded. I’m not kidding. It blows my mind people can say that. Just yesterday, I was taking care of an elderly family friend I adore. My 15 hr overnight shift was over but he was out of pain meds and needed his meds picked up. So, I stopped by the pharmacy to grab them…they were not ready and no one could get ahold of the doctor. The pharmacist printed the orders, told me where I could find the Doctor (he was close by in town) and so I went to hand deliver the prescriptions. It turned into a 3 hr ordeal, but my dear 94 yr old friend got his medication on time. Instead of thanking me for going the extra mile, the lady who pays me reprimanded me for not waking her up early in the morning to tell her he needed them picked up. She had expressed the night before how dreadfully tired she was and would not be rising early that next morning. I thought i was doing Her AND my elderly friend both good deeds. She was upset, told me never to do it again and took those 3 hrs off my time, Not paying me. I was angry but mostly hurt. Why had she acted like that after I had worked so hard to get it taken care of?? If I had not taken matters into my own hands, my elderly friend would have gone over 24 hrs without meds. In my mind I was helping. Talk about rejection. 🙁 How do I handle that?

    Reply
    • Kim

      I’m sorry your experience was so hurtful. My guess is that the lady either has control issues, or felt guilty for not catching that the meds were nearly gone in the first place. Either way, I believe her responce deals with HER own personal issues more than anything specifically with you…. you just caught the shrapnel from her emotional explosion. I can’t see in your telling of the story where you did anything for personal gain, and as such, how she handled it was wrong. But here’s the good news…. nothing we ever do in love is wasted. It may not be appreciated or returned…. but it is never wasted. Because as much as we are showing love to that particular person, we are even more so showing our love for God. And as an even greater blessing, we are experiencing just a glimmer of His sweet and tender love for us. How many times has He shown me love when I was totally undeserving. And yet He does…. again and again. So please don’t let that woman’s harshness put a damper on your loving heart or leaving you second guessing. What she may not have outwardly acknowledged, her heart no doubt took note of. And more importantly, I know you made God smile. Love on my friend! Enjoy and IN joy!

      Reply
  433. Melissa Barnett

    This is such an amazing topic. Something that I would find so very helpful would be seeing this from a parent’s perspective. My daughter is younger, fourth grade and is discovering alot about rejection and communication as well as what it’s like to deal with the emotions that come when others are unkind. I would love to see some perspective on how to guide our young ones in this area. Our bible study group us on our third book of yours, we appreciate how God is working through you. We are all mom’s with kids around the same age, so some wisdom on this from one parent to another on guiding our kiddos in this area would be awesome.

    Reply
  434. chrissi

    i can’t wait to read this. i enjoy reading your work.

    Reply
  435. Katherine Coombs

    I love all your books and I’m sure this one will not be an exception! You always write just what I need to hear and in a way that makes me laugh! I will definitely be buying the new book as soon as it hits the shelves. Also, I cannot wait to travel with you!

    Reply
  436. Glenda

    “God’s love placed on us.” Beautiful. This is a book I need, Lysa. Rejection, real and otherwise, is a subject my weary soul knows all too well. Thank you for sharing your gifts, talents and abilities to encourage so many-Glenda Zylinski Pasco, WA

    Reply
  437. Tamara Collins

    I. CANT. WAIT. Seriously. You are just too much and this teaser is going to ruin me until I can read the book. Thanks for your continued ministry and pushing through during the times you feel like quitting. Live loved-Tamara

    Reply
  438. Tina Mollie Fisher

    So beautiful. So true.
    “It’s settling in your soul, I was created by a God who formed me because He so very much loved the very thought of me. When I was nothing, He saw something and declared it good. Very good. And very loved.” Loved it! 🙂

    Reply
  439. Joanna Branson

    You’ve given me a new motto, “Live loved,” to get me through until you finish this book! 🙂 I have dealt with rejection in primary relationships too many times to count in my adult life, and currently find myself in an extended wilderness of loneliness. I look forward to learning with and from you, how God would have me deal with it, and what He would have me learn from it. I know He has a purpose in everthing; sometimes I get frustrated trying to figure out what it is though.

    Reply
  440. Tammy

    Love It! I can’t wait for this book! Rejection and loneliness are definitely two of my biggest struggles. Not feeling good enough, loved enough, valued enough are constant battles. I believe that they are rooted in our hearts from our deepest & hardest disappointments. They are hard to over come and shape our minds to think thoughts as you have written above. I am so looking forward to reading this book and hearing all that God has planned to teach us through your heartfelt words. Thank you! Live Loved!

    Reply
  441. Becky

    It’s obvious I am NOT the only one who looks forward to reading this book! Sounds like a “hot” button for most women on a topic that really needs to be addressed!

    I have not read the above comments, however, in the area of rejection two things come to mind concerning marriage: 1. Ultimate rejection by your spouse – divorce when you believe God gave you a heart of ministry and to be a stay-at-home mom to raise your own kids! (family member) 2. Having a desire to be so open and vulnerable with your spouse but you keep it all in because the times you do share he blows it off as no big deal when it is something that really concerns you! Desiring that intimacy and closeness of being able to share anything but it’s not worth feeling rejected when he doesn’t understand or share your heart. After years of keeping the struggles, worries, even desires in, what’s a few more? :-/

    Reply
  442. Nancy

    Thanks for the sneak peek! Wow! Love it so far! I can’t wait for this one! We’ve all experienced rejection. You set our focus back to the One who will never reject us..and its not based on anything we have done or will do. Reminding us to live in Gods unconditional love.

    Reply
  443. Montessa

    This is from God! I assign judgements from others all the time. Ones that I don’t know are true but I think it anyway and then I’m angry with them. I was raised by a very abusive mother who would tell us all the time that we were not good people. She would tell us how horrible people thought we were. We found out many years later that she lied about so many things to keep us from people so that we wouldn’t tell them what was happening. Now I struggle with trying not to allow my thoughts to take a very negative path. I am crawling out of this pit though and am finding victory in God one small step at a time. He is so good and faithful. I can’t wait to read this book! I thank you for posting this, it puts into words what I could not. Thank you!

    Reply
  444. Katherine

    So…what to include in a book on rejection and loneliness:
    1. How to cope with being marginalized by people who already have their friend circle filled. You know, after repeatedly doing the friendly thing and extending invite after invite but finding that it doesn’t result in being “friended” back.
    2. How God can and does strengthen us right there in the loneliness.
    3. Practical ways to control our thought life do that we don’t camp out in that lonely place!
    Thanks for what you do! God bless you 🙂

    Reply
  445. Rachel

    Lysa,

    I can’t wait till you finish this book…it’s something I feel so many of us women need especially myself.
    As I read your words it was clear to me how much I do the same thing all the time and it really gets to me, brings me down and it so hard to turn it off.
    *How do you turn it off? The extra little things that make us draw conclusions to thinking “the other woman at the gym doesn’t like us” type of thing when really they probably just moved to another machine because we were on the phone.
    *And how do you deal with it when other people reject you (this is harder for me because I’m one of those who is a people pleaser)
    *How do you keep yourself from going to a lonely place and feeling as if your by yourself when your really not?

    I also want to say thank you for doing what you do, your ministry, writing these types of books (that help with our daily lives and growing with God), and mostly what has been a great help to me is the free online bible studies. Thank you so much!

    Reply
  446. Susan

    I am ready to read this book!! My issue:
    My first husband ripped my heart out by having an affair with a woman on our church’s missions trip to Mexico. That was 17 years ago, and I’m now happily married to the man of my dreams. However, I’m still haunted by the fear that the people that I’m giving my heart to will eventually get tired of me or of my imperfections and will leave me. This fear of rejection affects my relationship with my wonderful best friend and also with my relationship with the Lord. I figure He will eventually reject me also if I continue to be less than perfect.
    Thanks for using your gift to help the rest of us!!

    Reply
  447. Heather

    The Best Yes changed my life forever. I really mean that. I love how you are so relatable! It’s like you’ve already walked the exact same path, but you own up to all those thoughts and emotions I’d rather deny than deal with.
    I loved this excerpt and can’t wait to read your new book. This is something I think most women struggle with, like some sort of paranoid switch goes off when we hit our teenage years. Imagine the freedom of living and loving without constantly assigning these false motives all the time? Sign me up!
    I have to say though, I think you are way too hard on yourself!

    Reply
  448. Terri Armen, RN

    please hurry and finish this book…You’re writing it just for me, Lysa.
    When there’s been rejection, especially by females in your life like your own mother who just didn’t like me, partially because she didn’t like herself, but also because she just didn’t like me, and then you find yourself as a young girl in situations with a girl who was a “friend” until a third person came along, and then poof, I didn’t exist. It always seemed to be I who was banished to be the outsider. And even today, as an adult, I can count on less than one hand the number of females who I can really trust, and only one who seeks out my company and affirms me. I dont know what it is; I’m very loyal, honest, and dependable….it’s ok, I’ve learned to accept and maybe even expect it realizing that in eternity this won’t exist.

    Reply
  449. English Holland

    These are two topics women of all ages can identify with beginning with the teen years. The one topic on rejection I think would be helpful when thinking how to handle a situation is, “At what point do you accept the rejection and move forward and when do you continue to step out in Christ’s love toward the person? I find there is a struggle to always know what Christ is calling me to do in particular situations. Thank you for continuing to write about topics pertaining to everyday life.

    Reply
  450. Kathleen McIntire

    This peek into your new book is beautiful! Being someone who has struggled with rejection and loneliness that began at birth and continues on today through circumstances beyond my control, just these few words spoke life into my soul. So very powerful, can’t wait to read the rest. I have longed to understand love and feel loved but don’t understand how because of past rejection. I am so very, very excited to read this new book.

    Reply
  451. Jennifer

    I cannot wait for this new book to come out. I,too, have to fight against my tendency to assign thoughts to others. I,too, assign rejection of myself to others. What an unfortunate habit that is. We may miss out on some great people because we have decided they don’t like us, when we haven’t given a chance to do so.

    Reply
  452. Donna

    This totally made me cry because I am so living this right now! We belong to a new church and I just can’t seem to find “my place” (serving) in the church. I feel like every time I get turned down it is because of something I’ve done or because someone doesn’t like me. I have to keep reminding myself that maybe this is a season of my life that God just wants me to rest.

    I just finished reading “The Best Yes..”, I loved it! It spoke to me in so many ways. I can’t wait for this book to come out, it will definitely be added to my library. Thank you Lysa for following saying “yes” to God and blessing so many with your words. I pray He blesses you the way you have blessed me. <3

    Reply
  453. Devi

    Hi

    My daughter Cassandra has just completed her bachelor of medical science degree and is seeking employment in the forensic field. I pray for a job for her in the name of our Lord and saviour Jesus Christ. Amen

    Reply
  454. Stacey

    Thank you Lysa for once again for writing a book about something so many of us are struggling with. (With tears welling) I have these thought processes so often. I doubt friendship all due from being rejected in a past church. Learning ways to remember and focus on my acceptance and love in Christ. I look forward to your book when it comes out.

    Reply
  455. Traci

    Today I woke up celebrating & loving the same man for 30 years and still sometimes wondering if he hangs up the phone to quickly what I did because I feel rejected. Putting on “paper” now I can see how silly that is. It’s about self esteem, it’s about self confidence, & will I ever be “the person” for someone. We are not in competition with God to be someone’s all, but we are flawed & most days we are the only people to see those flaws. Even the days when we aren’t the only person to see those flaws our world doesn’t end, we just got stronger that day. Thank you for your words that God speaks to your soul & you put on paper. Thank you for not allowing your fear of rejection rule your life.

    Reply
  456. Shanna Wurth

    Lysa,
    I am excited to read your next book. I believe that at one time, or another, most of us have been “you” in your story and others have been “the evil gym goer”. We tend to focus to much on ourselves, not on God. When we do this we become insecure and in turn many times feel unloved and unwanted. The last three lines you shared are dead on:
    No, God’s love isn’t based on me.
    It’s simply placed on me.
    And is the place from which I should live.
    Keep on Writing!

    Reply
  457. Stephanie Hamilton

    All women including me, have these one sided conversations in their heads all the time. The woman on the elliptical was probably having another conversation in her head at the same time. We all do it.

    Reply
  458. cherie

    Lysa,
    I am so excited about this new book. Your words seem to touch my heart at just the right time. I saw and heard you for the first time this year in KC. I quickly picked up “Best Yes” and found so much hope in knowing I can prioritize this crazy life as a working Mom of three. I am most of the way through “Unglued” and once again I am finding it easier to remind myself that I have a choice in a “freak out” situation to “remember who I am”. The way you take the word of God and make it more real in everyday life has opened my eyes to the best choices I can make with the power of God in my life. This sneak peak has me in great anticipation for what is to come. Thank you for sharing 🙂

    Reply
  459. Anne

    I am so looking forward to this book! I love how you are addressing that while there is real rejection in our lives, so much of what we feel is just our own narcissism. Your last three lines are now in my notebook of words I love.

    Reply
  460. Ashley

    Beautiful. This is the type of book that every woman (every person, really) needs on their shelf. It breathes life and God’s unconditional love directly into your spirit. It’s relatable and makes you think, that even in your hardest and darkest days (current situation) you and beautifully imperfect (my new life motto) and so incredibly loved.

    I would love to see you touch on that “bird slamming into the window” type of rejection and how to whole heartedly overcome it through forgiveness and with God’s Grace and love. As I believe that in that type of rejection, so many people loose themselves and in that process, let go of their faith and their relationship with God. Your approach could be a proactive intervention so to speak.

    Thank you Lysa! God sure does have His hands on your sis, you’ve brought much needed sunshine and and encouragement and focus and hope into my world and so many others! Genesis 50:20 “…for the saving of many lives.” God bless you!

    Reply
  461. Diana

    Thanks Lysa. I’ve been there and done that. Out of shape, sins, misconceptions and all. Awaiting the next peek or the book.

    Reply
  462. Mary

    Lysa,
    I think one of the reasons you are so endearing is because you are so real. We laugh at floating mattresses etc. because we too strive to be a good and faithful servant, a superhero mom with limitless patience and time, a perfect wife and friend. And then life and our humanity strike. Thank you for being so vulnerable for us so we can relax about our humanness as we live out this ever exciting and surprising life.
    After reading this preview, once again you are dead-on with another struggle we have and the way we can let our assumptions, thoughts and feelings sabotage us.
    In a book about rejection, my daughter and I would benefit from learning the ways we can negatively respond to rejection that can cause a downward spiral (bitterness, working harder and harder to “win” approval or be accepted into a clique, withdrawal) and constructive ways to respond to rejection/perceived rejection. And with the loneliness, how to make peace in those times and how to recognize the relationships we may have that we don’t “count.”
    Thanks for becoming an author. Sisters in Christ.

    Reply
    • Glenda

      I agree, Mary, we can relate to Lysa because she is so real ! Every time I read a blog or book written by Lysa I find myself laughing and crying (sometimes both at the same time) because she “gets it” she knows because she has been there … she has done this or felt this ! Keep writing about the things … the stuff we women deal with; feel and struggle with daily, Lysa … God bless your for your Godly influence and ministry !!!

      Reply
  463. Melanie

    You are so RIGHT ON TRACK with my relationships; especially with my husband. I really could throw everything from my friendships out the window; except my relationship with my husband. That relationship has me spinning with wonderment every time we spend time together; why? I constantly give him over to God (who else would want him?) and wait to see the results; no reply at all. What to do, what to do, what to do…………………

    Reply
  464. Michelle Batten

    Hi Lisa – I LOVE LOVE LOVE to read your books, blogs and hear you speak. You approach everything in a humorous way – I smile my way through your examples. They are so true, and we’ve all been there. Yet each story ends up making a point that I can ponder over and compare to my life and my progress. I can’t wait to read the rest of it!!

    As far as a suggestion for topics, I’m not sure this one would fit in, but I sometimes feel that the very core of me needs to change, and it seems impossible. I am a lazy, selfish, unmotivated person by nature (no servant’s heart here!) who doesn’t want everyone else to find out I’m a lazy, selfish, unmotivated person. But it’s hard to hide when every action, every reaction comes from that place. I just go along every day trying to do just enough so that no one notices all the bad. Anyway, I fight against it, of course, but it is bordering on impossible to change myself (I know, with God all things are possible, but jeez – it sure doesn’t seem like it sometimes!!). The hardest thing about this for me is that I don’t feel guilty for something I’ve done, I feel guilty for being the way I am. Big difference, and big weight to carry around. I wonder if others feel this way as well?

    Reply
    • Ashley

      Oh Michelle your description of yourself sounds like one I would write about me. I’m a new SAHM to and housewife…and I find it so hard to do anything but be lazy. I feel like such a failure and then I feel guilty about it. I also have a love hate relationship with Facebook and other social media because I waste so.much.time there.

      Reply
  465. Phyllis

    I have no other words than JUST GLORIOUS!!!! and WOW!!

    Reply
  466. Lisa V

    “Live from the abundant place that you are loved and you won’t find yourself begging others for scraps of love.” Oh how I yelled out loud YES, when I read this. How this speaks to the grace and love God has lavished on me from a young girl. How I wish other women could deep down know and believe this to be TRUE.

    I’m so thrilled you’re writing a new book. I would love to see a book that speaks to encouragement of women. Also to speak to those down seasons when I feel distant from God and “alone”; what do I need to do? What does God call me to do in those seasons?

    Lysa, I’ll be praying for you on your writing journey for this book. xo

    Reply
  467. Kendra Robb

    I know this is a little on the negative side, but when I feel rejected or unloved I picture myself being the one at the wedding without the wedding garment on. He chose not to put the beautiful gift of God’s love on and the results in feelings of rejection and being unloved.
    Thank you for letting God shine through you into my life!

    Reply
  468. Christina Hall

    Wow! Girlfriend, you never cease to amaze me. I love this beginning. I had always been a people pleaser and for the past few years I’ve had to learn to be a Jesus pleaser. I do not have to please my mom or anyone else with how I live my life. If I want to be a Jesus freak and I do then I will. I no longer have to sit on my hands when I praise God! I can lift these hands high and try to touch the hand of Jesus! I believe I can so therefore I will! Thank you for reaching in that insecure person and pulling me out! Love you girl! Just keep up the good. work.

    Reply
  469. Mary Wallace

    Hi Lysa, Amen….I’ve done the same thing with my thoughts to many times to count. The worse thing is exactly what you described as hitting you square in the face rejection…that’s what I deal with in my mother-in-law.
    Ya know, the back handed slap of “well, some people just don’t always love ya..but stating my father-in-law sure did” ending with I’m just not a very good mother-in-law as to ease her soul. I have to stop from feeling like I’m ready to say something really mean and cruel back and remember Jesus loves me. Look so forward to your book..I relate so easy to your writing. Thank you and may God Bless You in your book.

    Reply
  470. Laurie

    Dear Lysa,
    Well it seems that God has a message for me through your words. I have battled my mind for some time now. I find that when I make small strides in believing that I am chosen, loved, beautiful…..God blesses me with that small amount of joy that begins to sustain me. Often more than not I find that the devil has another plan for my crazy mind. He knows that I am weak in this area. I often feel judged by certain women in my church. You see our families are connected by a marriage of our children. I am always feeling like this around this one certain woman. I know that it is unfair to judge her and what she thinks. How do I really know what she thinks anyway? I don’t. Plain and Simple. So I will allow the devil to keep pursuing me through this negative, self incriminating thought process. Ladies, it is sinful to think of yourself as something less than what God created you to be. I have learned that many women have dealt with this stronghold. I am in love with this journey that I am on as I link my arms around Gods and walk in faith and trust and discover his will for me. I will look forward to the rest of your book. May God continue to pour out his blessings upon you as you continue to minister to women everywhere.
    Laurie Velazquez

    Reply
  471. Kaye Doyel

    I think the enemy is so good at trying to get us to watch “others” reaction to us. Especially in church, it’s amazing. These feelings started way back in our childhood, (previous) bad relationships but, still how the negative thoughts, levels of depression/oppression continually come after years of serving the Lord. Hey, I was God’s idea!!
    Any Sisters remember this old song, the longer I serve Him the sweeter He grows, the more that I love Him, more love He bestows…………I want to get closer to Jesus so I don’t see anything else that brings me down!
    Or it could be going to gym in spandex pants, lol.

    Reply
  472. Seth D. Lake

    Lysa – Thanks for encouraging men and women alike! I was just wanting to share some of what was going through my mind as I read your story. I too have had that same experience of first meeting my nemesis, but it came at an early age, so there wasn’t any adult (cognitive) resolution…we just slugged it out for a few years! You see I simply posed to be a threat to Sam’s world when I moved into the neighborhood! We were both 7 years old when my parents decided to move from a very rural home in the mountains of PA, to the big city! Up until then, I only remember having 1 friend, Donny, my closest neighbor, who lived about a quarter mile away. So, when Sam started to bully me around, I’d never been subjected to having to defend myself! I wasn’t in a safe place for quite a while! This new world was pretty scary and I didn’t even have the support of my 50 year old, working parents! They were too busy to notice, and I was doing a lot of avoiding the embarrassment and conflict that my alcoholic father would surely inflict on me for getting beat up! I started to internalize my feelings which festered in me until one day, I couldn’t contain it any longer! Sam didn’t know what hit him and that was the day that my life changed forever! I claimed my freedom from his evil ways and he never tried to bully me again! We never were best friends, but he later said that he was sorry, and “respected” me for standing up to him! Over the years, I have thought about how influential that experience was regarding my cognitive development and adult behavior patterns! I have had a lot of trouble with expressing myself when I face conflict! Just recently, I learned that I wasn’t a “conflict avoider” (like I’d thought (admitted) I was…for decades)…I learned that I had very strong “boundaries”! What an eye-opener! I now have the understanding that I wasn’t “avoiding”…which I always thought if as a “negative aspect” regarding my persona! I didn’t need to change like so many others had suggested, I was “on track” with setting healthy limits pertaining to how I wanted to act (versus, re-act) to friends and family! Thanks for taking the time to read my latest (and possibly greatest “ah-ha” moment in my 60+ years of living! I love your work and hope to experience so much more of your encouragement and wisdom in the years to come! May God continue to Bless your ministry as well as those of us who long for understanding when it comes to that special “something”, that is missing in their current situations!

    Reply
  473. Laura

    I love this!! I’m going through this type of thing with my tween daughter already (!) and it’s not something I really struggled with growing up, so I love your wise words and illustrations that I can use in talking with her and helping her through “mean girls” issues. Thank you and please get the book out quick!! 🙂

    Reply
  474. Kaye

    Another much needed topic for women.

    Reply
  475. Marquita Green

    I loved this post and the reality it reminds me of. So often I create images and conversations in my head. I wonder why someone smiled at me or took a certain action around me. I hear whispers and wonder whether I’m the subject… otherwise, why would they whisper? In spite of my wondering imagination, there is a true reality that probably doesn’t involve me or any of my images. This posts helps me to remember to live in the moment, nothing more.

    Reply
  476. Tracy

    That was interesting to read. Thanks for sharing!!! =)

    Reply
  477. Ashley

    I love your transparency and the way you allow God to use you. Just like so many of your other books, it sounds like this one will be written just for me, too. I’m obsessed it seems with assuming the wrong perspective…too quick to be judgmental and it all stems from the ever present insecurities of my heart. I want so badly to love Jesus most, to find all of my self worth in Him, to see the best in people and situations…but it just doesn’t happen. I suffer terribly from spiritual amnesia (as Francis Chan says) and I forget Who’s I am and what He’s done for me. Very much looking forward to this book. Blessings!

    Reply
  478. pat t

    As someone who has been a “people pleaser” all her life, I can honestly say the perception of rejection only reinforces the drive to please. Getting to the point of really believing my worth is based on Christ in me frees me to not look for acceptance from those who do not know me as fully as God does,authorised to love me anyway. His love and grace are sufficient. I just have to keep claiming it !
    Please keep addressing the futility of living the people pleaser life!

    Reply
  479. Allison Poulis

    Amazing, wonderful and totally revealing to the way I have spent the better part of my life. Projecting my own guilt, shame and negative thoughts into the brains of others and then reflecting them right back into me. As if that person put that much thought into what I looked like at the grocery store yesterday. Ha!

    Thank you. God Bless you and please just keep writing!!

    Reply
  480. Kim

    Great start… I cannot even tell you how many times I have done the same thing with making up scenarios in my mind that were probably as far from the truth as possible

    Reply
  481. Sarah

    YES! I screamed that out when I read this. I have been a follower of Proverbs31 Ministries for a very long time and a follower of you. I have heard you speak at Women of Faith and read everyone of your books. Every book has touched my life. But this new one is me me me! I can’t wait for it to come out. The perception part oh sister my name all over it, then comes assumptions then godless chatter and the story goes…..thank God for Lysa

    Reply
  482. Sarah

    And love all the OBS bible studies and Yes again for one with your new book.

    Reply
  483. Betsy

    Lysa, WOW!! Keep writing, it’s as if with every book you’ve had a peek into my head & heart. God is using you as His vessel to speak to & teach so many of Jesus Girls. Praying that the words will flow abundantly from your pen as you write this new book.

    Reply
  484. Annie Magee

    Dear Lysa, you so inspire me and have done for quite some years now. I too am a writer and have recently self published my first Christian Children’s Picture Book called Incredible Intimidation…but I’m hurting right now, because the printed images have come up far less quality than I had hoped for and I’m right in the middle of negotiation…it feels as though my dream is slipping away from me. The worst part is, that I’m not only hurting for me but for God and how those who have been witnessed to along the way of this journey I’ve been on, will perceive Him now, because to the ‘world’ as such, it looks like this thing I trusted God in and have proclaimed His ever presence in, His calling on my life and the stepping out in faith…has failed. I have no idea of what He is doing, though my head and heart are hanging onto Him…but still in a place of hurting and disappointed … I so needed your encouragement today.
    Thank you.
    Blessings,
    Annie

    Reply
  485. Christy

    Thank you so very much for sharing from your new book. I struggle with anxiety about what others are saying and thinking. I often read too much into comments and actions or lack thereof. Strategies for feeling loved would be very helpful thank you and may God bless you as you continue to write. I love to read your blogs and hear you on the radio as you are down to earth and encouraging. Hope this makes sense. 3 kids are very challenging to care for especially when get onto computer or phone.

    Reply
  486. Courtney

    Lysa-

    I loved this post. I can’t wait for your new book to come out. I am currently reading the study guide to What Happens When Women Say Yes To God. I love it!!!

    I am commenting today because I am struggling. I’m struggling with repentance, rejection, and being lonely.
    A little less than a year ago I was dumped by the person I was thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. They are now married and having a family of their own. Yet occasionally he will try to talk to me. My problem is that if him and I do talk- I feel like so distant from God that how I can I move forward? How can God love me a person who continues to do wrong? A person who has messed up so badly? If I sin, and know that I have sinned but I am genuinely sorry for that sin- where do I start over at? Do I just wake up and start all over?

    Reply
  487. Pam

    Oh my goodness! The Lord is just showing Himself. I have been shown in so many ways the Lord’s presence today. Some were in the form of “praising Him, yes Lord, I am in agreement with you”. Some were in the form of not so nice assumptions. Picture being in a doctor’s office with two appointments back to back, same building. In one door and back out and waiting to be spoken to in the window so I can go into the next appointment and back out. Being told one moment please while shuffling papers, Did she not know who I am? Me being 1 of 30 in the waiting area. But did she not know who I was? “I” have to get this done so “I” can get back to work. (Me impatiently waiting). The invitation to come in the door came and from the little lady in the window that has a great big smile on her face and asking how I was. I felt the Lord’s loving patience smiling at me thru her and I just melt with shame in how I acted(in my mind). And then to end the day reading this blog. The Lord sure does love bringing it home with lessons in life. Oh how He loves us. How cool is that? Note to self tomorrow: Do not let assumptions get the best of you and be more Christ like.

    Reply
  488. Patti Chriestenson

    I’d like to see addressed in a book about rejection and loneliness the topic of how we let friends “go” once they’ve fulfilled their God-given purpose in our lives. When we hold onto the relationships we’ve had, and try to “make” them be our current friends – rejection and loneliness tend to creep in.

    Reply
    • Julie

      This is a nail on the head moment! Exactly what I was thinking!!! Plus ways to turn that elliptical like moment into a moment that we can embrace other women and minister to them so we break down this barrier of what others are thinking. It’s a shame but we all do it! Can’t wait for the book to come out!

      Reply
  489. Stephanie

    I think it would be great if you could address what to do when you feel like the church rejects you…or church leaders reject you…when you feel like God rejects you. And I know that’s a lie…that God doesn’t reject us…but sometimes my heart believes lies…and I want to dive into why so you can understand my perspective…

    My situation is unique…but it’s affected my relationship with The Lord on a massive scale. I used to be a single mom, work at a church, and I was close to my pastor’s wife and his family…they’d invite us over on family movie night, mentor me, and just be pretty encouraging towards me in general.

    But I was in a really toxic relationship, and there was secret physical sin, and it bothered me so much I couldn’t keep quiet, I had to confess it, so I went to them and confessed and asked for advice.

    Unfortunately, an unhealthy pattern was established with the man I was seeing, and I couldn’t take their advice to end it because I was in an addictive off/on relationship and didn’t have the courage to leave it. So, I resigned from my position at the church because eventually I sinned again with this man.

    Losing my job was a real wake up call, and so it led me to get counseling specially geared towards addiction and my relationship, and eventually…with the Lord’s help, was able to get myself out of the toxic relationship…

    BUT…but afterwards I found out I was pregnant…and that left me with a big “What do I do?” I knew I couldn’t go back to a toxic relationship, I knew I didn’t ever think I would be BACK in this predicament… It was scary and I felt alone…

    Now…going back to a toxic relationship wasn’t an option for me… But when those people I was so close to found out I was pregnant they told me they believed I should marry the man I had a toxic relationship with…

    Because I couldn’t stop myself from having sex, so I should just get married…and because I was pregnant…

    But I didn’t like that advice because I FINALLY believed I COULD stop after my counseling, and they sort of dismissed my counseling because the counselor wasn’t Christian (he was LDS.)

    To them…the right thing was to marry this man…but it didn’t sit well in my spirit when I would pray, and it never had, and I finally had courage and didn’t want to succumb to fear again.

    So…I didn’t take their advice. And it completely severed that relationship I had with them…

    Now, I only mention this situation because NOW these people whom I was so close to and loved so much have rejected me… If they do talk to me they usually end up almost or actually yelling at me, and they can’t talk to me about anything other than my old toxic relationship.

    Now…today I am happily married…to a different man, a good man…and we are working through the unique family dynamic that exists…but this thing…this rejection…

    It cuts deep because of the closeness that used to be there, their seeking unwillingness to listen to me…and the fact that they’re seemingly so “in tune” with God… It just is so hard…

    One phrase I can’t get out of my head…this woman…upon after seeing me for the first time in months said “the Holy Spirit inside of me felt sick when I saw you.”

    I can’t but help feeling…with a statement like that…that God is rejecting me. Does God feel sick at the sight of me? I love my God… But now I doubt his love for me because of WHO is saying these harsh things…

    And I don’t regret my decision to stop being in a toxic relationship, and I wouldn’t ever change my decision if I could re-do it. I’m glad I didn’t marry that unhealthy man, and I love the man I did marry…

    I just can’t help but feel rejected by my old mentors, and my church, and even my God…

    So if you could address that kind of rejection somehow…that would be great…because it has been hard to carry this around and wrestle with it. Thanks for reading.

    Reply
    • Resa

      Stephanie –
      People misrepresent God all the time. Even Moses did this when he struck the rock the second time instead of speaking to it as God told him to do. Please don’t take what another Christian says as what God says UNLESS it is Biblical. We serve a loving God who freely forgives and removes our sins as far as the east is from the west! 1 John 1:9
      Romans 8:1 “There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.”
      God sees you through the righteousness of Christ –
      Search the Scriptures for in them you will find life – and the love that God so lavishly gives to us!!
      My prayers are with you!

      Reply
  490. Deborah

    Being ignored (or overlooked) is a form of rejection I hope you will think about when writing this book. While I won’t go into my whole story, I can tell you that riding the wave and then suddenly realizing you are floating in a small cove, forgotten and alone hurts. You sulk and you cry. Then you say I will find a way to get back on that wave, to find my place back in the group again. I’ll volunteer and do a good job so the group can see I do bring value. Only to find they no longer need volunteers or your expertise; passed by again. My pastor one day reminded me of the scripture “where one door closes another one opens”. Perhaps this was God’s way of showing me he wanted my talents and gifts in another place. So now I sit in the hallway after that door has closed and am patiently waiting for the other door to open, as I know it will. This reminds me of the Dr. Suess book “Oh the Places You will Go”. Right now I am in the “waiting place”. But, I am not alone and I am not rejected. God is sitting in that hallway right beside me and preparing me for the next opportunity – or open door. I look forward to your new book!

    Reply
  491. Sheila

    So very true..I joined our church choir (big choir) we are at choir practice and a lady in front of me was putting her finger in her ear in her ear and sort of looking pained..I could just feel my blood pressure going up so I just moved my lips for the rest of the practice. .fast forward to Sunday morning and the director gets the choir ready to walk out and at the last minute he decides I should stand right behind this poor lady!! I could do it!! I sort of moved myself and thank goodness he let me:) after I quit the choir I met this same lady in a group of friends and I got to tell I was sorry for hurting her ears..and she didn’t know what I was talking about..she was trying to hear herself better…funny now..

    Reply
  492. Bonnie K

    Good job of putting into words what happens for all of us women. Being a counselor, this is a common topic that comes up for many of the women I work with. This is a book that needs to be written to help women look at how we personalize occurrences like this in our lives. Lisa, you are doing a good job. We need other women to speak up and address some of the reactions and conversations we have going on in our lives. Keep up the great work. Keep listening to the Father and what He is calling you to!

    Reply
  493. Bonnie K.

    Great word, Deborah!

    Reply
  494. Susan

    This post called to mind one of my devotionals this week about convictions. God doesn’t convict us all of the same things at the same time. Although I may be convicted that someone is being rude, they are not convicted of the same thing. I also thought that he may be giving me a nudge, because I witnessed the rudeness, to be extra encouraging or compassionate to someone that day. Some days it so crystal clear where God wants to lead me and what he is trying to say, but other days it is very murky. It is probably that I am not being still enough & digging deep enough on that day. God bless!

    Reply
  495. Barbara Prince

    Lysa, I love the way your mind works and I love your heart even more! I can tell this is going to be another one of your books I’ll have to have! Please don’t quit – now or ever! When you write anything, I feel like you peek right inside my mind and in my home. I have often “assigned” to people what I think they are thinking. Now I’m starting to think that’s a tool of the enemy.

    Blessing,
    Barbara

    Reply
  496. Paris Renae

    Lysa, I love your way with words – the best was “No, God’s love isn’t based on me.
    It’s simply placed on me.” We all struggle with the lonely feeling…Go to a conference and not know anybody and not sure how to make a buddy type of feeling – or at church but your usual friends aren’t there and you don’t know how to talk to someone else lonely – looking forward to your book…

    Reply
  497. Naija

    Hey Lysa, I’m so excited that you’re next book is about rejection. Growing up I carried the pain of being rejected by my father and by people my own age. I started thinking I wasn’t good enough and not worth being loved. I spent a lot of time alone because I didn’t have any friends and that made me depressed. I just couldn’t understand why I was going through this. It seemed like everyone I knew had it together except for me. I believed I had no purpose because I didn’t know my purpose. Two years ago during the summer I was in my room and I cried out to God saying I can’t live like this anymore. I can’t continue to waste my life away. When I told him that my life started to change when my aunt gave me a book for Christmas called “A Confident Heart” by Renee Swope. The next day I started reading the foreword written by you. When I read how you were rejected by your father. I said oh my gosh she understands what I’ve been through. After I read that book the way I thought about myself began to change. I stopped believing the lies of the enemy and started believing God’s truth about me. I recently finished reading your book called “What Happens When Women Walk in Faith” and that book really ministered to me. When you said and I quote “Is it possible that a girl rejected about by her earthly father could actually be chosen set apart for a divine calling?” I was like wow the way she use to think about herself was like the way I thought about myself. So thank you Lysa and Renee for sharing your stories to someone like me. I pray one day I will get the chance to meet both of you so I can thank you in person.

    Reply
  498. Debbie Simler-Goff

    Love this! I have so imagined and sweated over perceived rejections more times than I care to admit. Thank-you.

    Reply
  499. Kathie Huttegger

    Lysa – love your blog and try to take time to read it every day. I am so excited to hear about a new book and know you will once again knock it out of the park. The Bible instructs us to “cast down” these imaginations (II Cor 10:5) and you dealt with the how of that approach so well in “Made to Crave.” We absolutely must “master our stories” (Crucial Conversations, Patterson, et al @ http://www.vitalsmarts.com). When we believe these perceived stories, our actions follow – then we have actually created the problem. Go for it, Lysa – millions of us are waiting! #youaresuchablessing

    Reply
  500. Kathy

    Lysa, this perception game we play is deadly. Thanks for writing about it. It seems long lived perceptions begin with assumptions that are not “checked out.” Before we know it, we have created an imaginary conflict that impacts impacts a relationship in a very real and adverse way. Many marriages, parent/child relationships and friendships are derailed with this foolish choice. If you can help your readers see the value in stopping this destructive cycle before it starts, you will yet again ring the bell on this next book! Thanks again! ; – ))

    Reply
  501. Libby Hueschen

    I loved the article and I would love for you to include the following if applicable:
    1) Comparing ourselves to other women and how futile that is because if we put others on a pedestal, we will always fall below our perceived e pectation of their glory.
    2) On dwelling on our aging bodies keeps us in the devil’s pit of loneliness so that all that we see are dried up bones, instead of seeing God’s power to raise those bones!
    3) How being alone is an opportunity to spend time with the one who is always there and who will never leave us nor forsake us! In other words, loneliness should be thought of as “a-lone time with the Lord”.

    Reply
  502. Judy Goodale

    Please include in your book the rejection and loneliness that comes from a critical husband who, when angry, communicates in an attacking, blaming manner. He rejoices in the truth he is thinks he is communicating, but there is no grace or love when he is communicating in this manner. Love and grace motivate, criticism does not. He does not take criticism well, even when done with love. Praying daily for him and me our marriage daily. Love never fails….I am committed for life! God bless you Lisa. You are one of the best writers I have ever known….read almost all your books. Thank you for your courage, love for God and others…you have the gift of amazing encouragement!

    Reply
  503. Rustina

    Lysa, simply amazing! You have such a beautiful heart and a way with words to touch so many lives. It is an awesome feeling to know we are not alone and knowing others go through the same things. I love that God is using you in this way and thankful for your obedience to be used! Keep encouraging and keep pressing on! With Christ love…

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  504. Lynn

    Really looking forward to hearing what you have to say about rejection. In my quiet time, I realize that it influences my actions constantly and that lots of roads lead back to feelings of rejection for me. Rejection (whether perceived or real) of family and close friends is one of the hardest things for me to overcome. The higher the risk of losing the person, the less I want to confront if I’m feeling rejected. I would like to hear about how to overcome those feelings of rejection (I have found covering myself in Jesus’ love for me and reminding me of how He handled the ultimate rejection on the cross has helped).
    Loneliness – have been studying Henri Nouwen and this is from his daily devotional – thought it was very thought-provoking:
    “All human beings are alone. No other person will completely feel like we do, think like we do, act like we do. Each of us is unique, and our aloneness is the other side of our uniqueness. The question is whether we let our aloneness become loneliness or whether we allow it to lead us into solitude. Loneliness is painful; solitude is peaceful. Loneliness makes us cling to others in desperation; solitude allows us to respect others in their uniqueness and create community.”
    Thank you for taking on these 2 subjects – you are, again, writing about such real, today issues!!!

    Reply
  505. Susan Frasch

    I am working on my own personal testimony on rejection and will share this quote from Joyce Meyer, “No matter who rejects us, God accepts us. And that is enough to enable us to be successful in life. Jesus was rejected and despised, but He focused on God’s love for Him. We should focus on God’s acceptance rather than people’s rejection. What we focus on becomes the largest thing in our life.” I look forward to your book!

    Reply
  506. sheila

    I can relate to this story on so many levels. I am always analyzing people to the hilt. Wasting so much time over thinking situations. I recently had a situation happen with friends that was so devastating to me. The story is way to long and drawn out for a comment, but let’s just say I felt rejected. Bold face rejection, and it caught me off guard. (it involved social media)
    I just finished reading your book The Best Yes, this book was a gift from God. Truly. A neighbor gave it to me because she had an extra and knew I liked to read, but I know that God prompted her to give this book to me because I needed it so much. Your next book also sounds like something that will speak to my soul. As a stay at home mom of four teens and a husband with a overloaded work schedule I find myself so lonely in the past years. So many friends have gone back to work, or have moved away. At one time when I felt like I had so many Godly women connections now I feel like I have no where to turn, and if I do take the time to reach out people are busy, busy, busy. Let’s schedule lunch….what happened to spontaneity. I long for spontaneous Godly relationships with other women. Community. I feel like with social media and texting people are all up in each others business, but not in a real life relational way. I would love to hear what you have to say about how Facebook/social media has changed the way women communicate. How it’s made us lonelier, and open to more opportunities to be rejected….at least in our own minds. Thanks for sharing your heart. XO Sheila

    Reply
  507. Vicki

    I would like to see in your book how to work through/wait on God when you are lonely and feel like you don’t belong.

    Reply
  508. Patti Yates

    There are times that I swear you are following me around and taking notes! ; ) Thank you for being obedient to the call that God has put on your heart! Yes I understand and struggle with those exact same thoughts. I accuse myself of being a Pharisee with those harsh judgments, and so I get on and off the merry go round of self incrimination. My history is difficult because I was raised by a father whose love was always conditional, which in turn gave me a warped view of my heavenly Father. I have survived those difficult years by God’s grace and mercy and had my warped view re-aligned by the love letters God placed in His word. But still I struggle with rejection and loneliness. I have been informed by my younger sister that we, (girls of my family), suffer from “Resting Witch Face”, meaning when we are relaxed and not feeling any real emotion one way or another we look angry. (Great, another bead to add to the “don’t understand and blow out of proportion” necklace. Your sneak peek insight was spot on and I look forward to the completed book! Go get’em Sister! : D

    Reply
  509. Carol Smith

    Lysa, I totally enjoyed and related to this snippet from your new book. Keep the transparency coming and your life giving touch will continue to encourage Jesus to “show up” Blessings Carol

    Reply
  510. Lisa Curtis

    So spot on. Randomly clicked on this today…. This could be any woman that has ever met eyes with another woman no matter where their paths cross. Sadly, we have encountered a woman at the gym that has directly removed herself from our lives and claims “there is nothing wrong” while not sending us a “save the date” for her daughter’s wedding. Just a few months ago she asked me to block of 3 days to help her set up and now we are not even invited. Sometimes I just don’t “get it”

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  511. Michele

    Oh, Lysa, this speaks to me in so many ways. I live alone, not close to most of my friends and family, and it’s so easy to let these thoughts run through my mind; thoughts/fears of rejection and perceived abandonment can be torturing. We allow these fears to keep us from receiving, and sometimes rejecting, the love that we crave. The feelings seem to amplify during those quiet hours before bedtime. Thank you for writing this; it is comforting that I’m not alone in these thoughts. I can’t wait until it comes out.

    Reply
  512. Shauna

    Hi Lysa! I absolutely love everything about what is written here, and where it is all headed. I thoroughly enjoy the way you write, and it makes me feel like I am right there beside you.. You are so real! I can relate to this topic, on so many levels. I just can’t wait for it to be released, so I can read it, start to finish! Quick question do you intend for this just to be read by women or can men read it also? I think this would make a great book for myself as well as my husband.

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  513. Glenda

    I don’t think I could give you any suggestions about what to write about in the arena of rejection that you haven’t already been given or researched on your own, Lysa. Just know that I am so looking forward to reading your next book. I both cried and laughed when I went to the devotions you presented on the KLove Cruise this past week (I really hoped to be able to get your autograph while there). You are so real and down to earth and you speak to the hearts of women. Thank you so much for your Godly influence and ministry !

    Reply
  514. Margot Bennett

    Wow, would I ever like to meet you for coffee! We are reading More Than A Bible Study Girl and I feel as though I’ve met my mirror image, from the family dynamics to the Firebird comment to the Rick Springfield song……..would love to hear from you!

    Reply
  515. Charity

    I love the part when u say we give people a fabricated dialogue that really only existed in our mind. My sister is 10 yrs older than me. She was really upset with me and said something to me that was harsh and cruel. I was furious. I kept her on this Mom do no wrong scale in my mind for yrs. We finally talked and she said it’s not ok for you (me) to be able to be upset & verbalize my raw emotions and she couldn’t. She said I’m not Mom, and I’m human I make mistakes. Wow what an aha moment. That letting go of the tiara I placed on her has made our relationship so much more honest, and loving. Thanks for sharing God’s words with Grace.

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  516. Carla Palmer

    I have enjoyed all your books. They really touch me and make me want to strive in becoming a better person all around. We wear many hats as women but we need help at least I do cause I fail daily. Reading your books has helped me grow closer with God and have better relationship with him. So thank you Lysa for your inspirations in your writings. So loneliness is a big issue and I feel it the most when I think that I Itry to listen and help people with issues etc. .. then when you have one nobody seems to care. So how can I not be so judgmental toward others when going thru things of my own and they don’t seem to care about me and my feelings. Hope that doesn’t sound crazy. Thank you and God Bless You.

    Reply
  517. Shirley

    I thought of you (and your book) when I read this quote today:
    “Until you value yourself, you won’t value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it.” M. Scott Peck

    Reply
  518. Janine Morales

    Just finished reading “The Best Yes” and loved and needed it so much! I decided to come to your website to find out more about you and saw this post. I have been thinking about this a lot in the past few months – How destructive “assuming” can be. I’ve had people who don’t know me AND people who are related to me assume things about me in the past or even right now that couldn’t be further from the truth. And I’ve often wondered “Why don’t we give people the benefit of the doubt anymore?” And then I find myself in situations where I am the one assuming. I assume so and so doesn’t like me because of this or that. And like you I have seen in most cases my assumption was wrong. Yes, there are cases of my assumption being spot on. But like you wrote…it’s better to live loved.

    Reply
  519. Michele

    I have had this discussion with my life group many times. I finally realized with God’s help that I was not wearing the rose colored glasses of my youth but not wearing jade colored glasses of my cynical adulthood. It’s strange that even though I am an adult now and I get it…occasionally I am still egocentric in that I think every thing happens about me. That lady’s bad mood is because she doesn’t like me not because she cleaned up dog messes on her new carpet before she arrive 20 minutes late for work and was reprimanded. I have to remember the saying I have heard many times, “it’s not about me.” That means to remember when I’m taking things that everything is not revolving around me and to remember when I’m putting things out there, Who it is all about. Thanks for the reminder!

    Reply
  520. Jackie

    My new motto is “Live Loved”. Thanks Lisa and Proverbs 31 Ministries! God bless you all!

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  521. Cecille

    Such great truth! Keep writing 🙂

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  522. Rachael Boone

    I am needing guidance and prayer. I am 6 weeks pregnant and started bleeding. I did lab and my progesterone is low. I am now on supplements and have to go back Friday for lab. My prayer is that my baby is safe, growing, and healthy. Praying that God works a miracle, but if not for understanding and peace. Thank you.

    Reply
  523. Christine

    Most women feel that what a wonderful
    Book thank you for writing it. You can’t imagine how it helps and yes my husband and I moved to a new state for his job and I am now in a new salon as a behind the chair hairstylist. There are 16 women who work together and the owner makes everyone there feel less talented than she is. There’s so much competition between the girls it’s crazy. Then they talk like only certain ones are good enough to do each other’s hair. Insecurity you got it as I write this I just think why wouldn’t you want everyone confident and secure? That would make a much better work environment. Then there are clicks and bottom
    Line I haven’t had this since I was very young and am
    Not sure I want to feel this way again. I just need prayers because I go to work to make everyone look and feel beautiful and try to stay out of all the stuff. I just want to be busy again it’s much more pleasant talking to my clients and just staying out of the salon stuff.

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  524. Renee

    When people come in and out of my life I often wonder what t did I do now . Did I say or do do something. It really bothers me. I actually woke up this morning with plans to reach out today to someone this happened with. Thank you!

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  525. Terri

    For some women weight is their issue or the area of their life that they struggle with the most. For me it is financial struggles. It’s not “money” that is the actual problem. It’s living from check to check and there never being enough to cover all the bills when they are actually due. It’s a constant juggling act that has been running for the last 30 years +. Surely there is something I am missing. I am not extravagant by any means and I do not have expensive things. I drive a Hyundai and that’s leased. I don’t have expensive clothes or furniture in my house. I got saved in 2009. I see things differently. My heart is different. Thank God for the church I attend and Sunday School and bible study.
    Maybe this financial struggle is God’s way of driving me to Him.
    Still, I pray for things to change. Maybe I still have some changing to do. I would love prayer from the women in this ministry. Thank you

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  526. sherry

    Can’t wait to read your new book!

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  527. Karen

    I enjoyed the sneak peek! I am excited to read the book.

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  528. Connie

    Thank you Lysa for this sneak peek of your new book. It made me stop and think clearly. I too “assume” what people think about me. Also I have put me on the back burner and decide oh well why bother. But now I see it in a new prospective. Thank you for showing me that I and loved and need to act accordingly.

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  529. Shannon

    Hi Lysa,
    I would love to read something in your new book about overcoming actual deep heart wrenching rejections and abandonment. Also, how to not allow fear of it happening again to prevent intimacy in relationships, making new friends, and to hold you back in any type of interaction with others. I have read several of your books and they all have touched me deeply. God Bless You and your transparent and loving ministry!

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  530. Marcia

    Thank you for tackling this big and universal issue. Rejection at its earliest and deepest place can affect us all through our lives. The filters produced can cause us to, unknowingly, misinterpret many we come in contact with, especially loved ones, and ourselves. Re-framing the picture, as you are doing, will help a lot of us understand how rejection and loneliness plays out in our day to day lives. I think this book will help a lot of people.

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  531. Nikki Smith

    I’ve never read any of your books but after reading this blog, I’m gonna hit the rack soon. Loneliness for me is when I think I’m doing what Christ has called me to do (attempting), have a job I love (I teach), surrounded by 3 wonderful children and husband, can be in a room full of religious women, but yet still. Feel. Alone. Ackwardness. Distant. Then questioning myself based on that feeling, God us bigger than this so why does it always creep in? Why doubt myself when He is more than enough for me?

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  532. Samantha Livingston

    Love it!! Keep going! Good stuff. You may already be including a bit on depression? I think it is rampant right now among men and women. The dark place some go after the cycling thoughts of rejection and loneliness. Our culture is herding us into individual lanes instead of into community and we’re paying the price collectively. Meds seem the first place to go (and I’m not against them) but I think our enemy gains ground when we don’t recognize it may be a spiritual battle as much as anything else.

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  533. Patricia

    Hurry up and finish. This has been my stronghold for most of my life and I need so much help. I will be praying that you are drenched in the Holy Spirit during this time of writing and it will be the one that goes down in history. Amen

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  534. Dona

    Thank you for those words. I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one who struggles with this. Please keep going. We need the rest. May God pour His words through you onto the pages of the book. May He set many people free through you.

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  535. Cathy

    A wonderful read. I have always suffered with feelings of insecurity and rejection, even when I know I am accepted. Friends that know me have no clue that I am worried about what they think or feel about me. I know that God loves me and accepts me just as I am, and I see that others feel that I never meet a stranger, and that I am fun to be with.
    But I have a friend who I thought was a forever friend, and a situation occurred that even
    though I thought she would be there for me – she has not even sent a “I’m praying for you”. Others tell me to let it go and go on, realizing that she was not the friend I thought. She is a precious Christian and we have been there for each other – praying, comforting, encouraging, sharing and generally Sisters in Christ.
    I guess what I would like to see in your new book – when should you give up and go on, and no, I have not approached her because I am worried that she will reject me further.
    I love your books, blogs and your contributions to Proverbs 31 Ministries. Thank you and forgive me for my going on. Bless you and Live Loved!

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  536. Melanie S

    I so enjoyed reading this. It’s so easy to have body image insecurities. God loves us and we are perfect in his sight! Can’t wait for the book.

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  537. Melanie

    I’m 45 years old and after having dealt with rejection through childhood and made to feel that I wasn’t as good as others around me, it took a serious toll on me. I have spent my whole life perceiving more rejection than was probably actually there. Making choices and doing things that I probably shouldn’t for fear of rejection. I’m married now and it is an issue in my marriage. Recovery is a long road. Even though I know God loves me and that I am special in his eyes, that is a long time and a lot of damage to undo. I can’t wait to read this new book and hope that it helps me with my healing.

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  538. Ann Ellis

    I am asking for prayer. I know loneliness only too well. I grew up in a very isolated home with antisocial parents and a bipolar sister. I never had friends all through childhood and never even attended highschool graduation! By the grace of God I decided all by myself to go to a Christian college even though I had never met a Christian and I was an atheist! I did become a Christian after 2 years. But my extreme shyness did not disappear. Basic building blocks for being in groups and forming friendships were never laid. I have a great godly husband who is my friend, but he doesn’t form friendships easily either. I have only one true close friend but she lives far away. I am always very involved in church. I attend the monthly women’s events and I always go to women’s retreat. And my husband and I both serve a lot at church. But I don’t relate well enough to form close friends. Every once in a while I do make a friend, but then they move away. This is always my prayer request! To have friends! My husband and I have one little boy. He is 4. We are older parents, so once again I have a hard time fitting in and relating to other younger moms. I sm mostly asking prayer for my little boy. We will probably not have another child. I don’t want him to grow up lonely like I did. I am very involved in the homeschooling group in my town even though our boy is only 4. We want to homeschool but it seems tough with only one child. What makes it tougher is that we temporarily live in a very very small town. I just pray that God will provide playmates for our little boy and we need friends that are like family since neither my husband nor I have much family. And wisdom on how to raise our little boy. Thank you for praying.

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  539. Debb

    Cannot wait to read this book. My teenager and I have dealt with rejection recently and it hurt so bad. It is especially hard to deal with this when others claim to love Christ yet they do not know how to truly love others. Thanks you for addressing this issue. I cannot wait to read this book. Thank you for loving others enough to help them walk out tough issues in life that the church really doesn’t want to talk about. God bless you in all that you do.

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  540. Grace

    can you write on rejection by men? When you actually are rejected by someone and how to handle actual rejection not just perceived rejection? This looks like it will be a great book. Thanks for walking in your gifting 🙂