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How Do Other Parents Seem To Have Their Act So… Together?

February 13, 2014

Chatter, chatter, chatter… that dialogue that runs like a never-ending tickertape in the back of our minds. That chatter can be especially loud and consuming when it comes to how we view our parenting skills.

I mean really, have you ever mentally beaten yourself up and wondered, “how do other parents seem to have their act so… together?”

It’s a lonely place to be. But here’s an encouragement: we aren’t the only ones who have those kind of thoughts… and we have the power to stop them.

My pastor, Steven Furtick, is sharing some of his honest, hard parenting moments with us today. He’s also sharing some great pieces of wisdom to help set us free from the negative inside chatter in our minds.

(If you are reading this blog from your email, you may need to click here to see the video.)

Don’t miss the limited time “buy one get one free” deal for Crash the Chatterbox that I mentioned in the video! For more information, click here.

I’m so grateful that Pastor Steven joined us this week. If you’re just popping in, and didn’t see the other interviews, click here for day one and here for day two.

And I’m doing one final giveaway of Crash the Chatterbox – three commenters will be chosen as winners. To enter, leave a comment below telling me your biggest takeaway from today’s interview.

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  1. Mariann

    I am so excited about finding you and your website!! My husband and I just started reading the set of books how to be the wife and husband they desire. Really looking forward to learning more about what your books have to offer my relationships with my family and Christ. Thank you so much!!

  2. Sheryl Mutton

    I just listened to day three of your message. It it’s just what I needed to hearhear.

  3. Johann

    Modeling what to do after the mess up. That’ll preach :). Love that. We have to be okay with our inability to be perfect and come back around & be able to model the ability to ask for forgiveness.

  4. Tiffany Stuart

    Again, a great interview. I too hate being misunderstood. I avoid saying yes to God (humbling confession) sometimes because of my fear of what people may think or judge of my intentions. Asking God for freedom to fully follow Him.

  5. Lynn Bass

    I really have a lot of chatter since I work at home and I spend a lot of time listening to my inside chatter. My take away today is that we do not have to defend ourselves. My 10 year old son watched this video with me and I have told him many times that it is not necessary for him to defend what others say about him because he cannot control others but he can control himself. It helps to hear that other adults reinforce the same information. So as I am advising my son, I realize that I am also advising myself. Inside chatter is an issue for me. Thank you for sharing in this journey. God bless your ministry!!

  6. Catherine E

    Lysa, thank you for arranging these ‘chats’ with Ps Furtick. Wow…you both sound like you have seen pictures of my life and are inside my head. I cannot wait to learn more about how to Crash the Chatterbox inside of me. It affects so much of my daily life and I don’t want to be crippled by it anymore. Bless you both for your honesty. 🙂

  7. Angelique Mitchell

    What a great interview! I especially loved Pastor Furtick’s part about being “in the mix”. Being a single, widowed mother of a truly wonderful daughter, I often wonder and worry if I am a good enough parent for her. I am flawed and imperfect. I have to remind myself that of all the moms that God could have chosen to be her mother, He chose me. I am wonderfully blessed and there must be something I am not seeing or recognizing that Our Lord has. When I am “in the mix”, I will remember this passage. Thank you so much. May God bless and keep you both.

  8. Pamee

    “If we live off the affirmation of others’, we’ll die from absence of the same”. Oh my goodness, I had lived in this prison. It wasn’t until I was in my early-fifties that I truly began to understand this – though I do not live there full time (not needing the affirmation of others’) I certainly have come a very long way in a few short years. I am looking forward to reading the book by Pastor Furtick.

  9. Lucinda

    What you think about me…what you have to say about me…is none of my business. I just LOVE that! I would go on to say that my God sees me like no one else and that…that is what matters to me most!

  10. Lisa

    Well … my kids are the luckiest kids in the world because they get SO MANY opportunities to learn from my imperfections! But I’m in the mix … thank you!

  11. Emily Burr

    You see and hear about everyone else’s problems and blessings and that’s great. Some can help you learn. Others sit in the back of your mind and make you keep thinking good/bad thoughts whether or not they’re necessary. You b know you’re being good parents but it’s hard to not keep thinking what could be or what could have been. Just remember you learn from your mistakes/imperfections.

  12. Donna Martin

    People are just naturally drawn to me to talk about their problems. There is always chattering in my head as they talk “I won’t say the right thing” and sometimes this chatter gets louder and louder until I have trouble concentrating on them. I often have doubt that I can respond in a way that is helpful to them.

  13. Donna Jean Anderson

    Lysa My take away thoughts on this blog are to change my report card and that it should not matter to me what others think. I have so worried in the past how to “live up to” what others thought. I’m finally learning that who I am in Christ is all I need to focus on. The verse I keep coming to is Matthew 6:33. I so appreciate you sharing your real struggles and how to overcome them.

  14. Gail

    Wow! Thank you both so much for the encouragement. I am going through a season of dealing with some childhood trauma, emotions of which have been triggered by some trials in adulthood. I have been very angry at God. Depression and bad choices in dealing with these issues has created a lot of guilt. I have been a stay at home mom for 22 yrs and home schooling for 14. I am struggling with having fallen from my family’s pedestal. So this message, all of them this week, has resonated with me and my feelings of defeat and failure in my life. It has been encouraging to hear these discussions! Thank you.

  15. Kat

    What other people think of me is none of my business. Oh how that sets me free! I was asked last night to join a ministry team of a group doing amazing things. First, I was so happy and flattered. Then the chatter started. “What if I’m not who they think I am? What if I mess up? What if they don’t like me?” And on and on….I need to do what He asks of me, and trust that. And I will be vindicated by the Spirit. Thank you both for this message I needed to hear.

  16. Liane

    “If you’re not ready to be misunderstood, you’re not ready to serve God”. WOW!! This is hard to hear, but so true. We never want our words to misconstrued, taken the wrong way. We should always want our words to be life-giving. We can’t control though how others will take what we say. All we can do is pray about what God wants us to say, trusting that He will give us the words to get the message across.

  17. Renee

    I like what was said about going back when the discipline has been a little harsher than it should. I spend a lot of time with my granddaughter and sometimes that’s what happens. I question why do I allowed myself to go there. I do go back and we talk about it.When I heard you say that I feel good about the fact that I’m doing something right.

  18. Shalena

    I agree with you Lysa, that us my new fave saying!! I will remember to be “in the mix” with my kids. All of us have faults but God will always lead us to change and get rid of negative thoughts.

  19. Kelly

    Lysa – I so needed this today… Sometimes, many times my internal chatter is non-stop! I am a leader at home, church and work…and I feel like giving up because my negative voice keeps telling me that I am not good enough; that I am really not the person other people think I am. That I am a Lie. I teach a bible study group of what we call ourselves the “Tired Moms class” There are about 13 of us…I can not wait to share these videos and this information with them…we too have very honest conversations and lots of tears. We love studying through your books! Now we will add Pastor Steven’s to our tool box!

  20. Carol B

    I think we have expectations that we sometimes don’t even realize which cause misunderstandings. I want to take care of my business which like Steve said is to live in right relation with God and “stay in the mix”! Would love to have this book.

  21. Lisa B

    I needed this so bad today! I have really been beating myself up this week especially with how I am doing with my son. He is 10 and I haven’t felt like I have been doing such a great job lately and I needed the statement to stay in the mix! i like pastor have had those moments when i thought that is it I have destroyed him and he will be in therapy! Thank You Jesus for this message and to Lysa and Pastor for putting it out there for us!

  22. Jan

    Besides the fact that I can totally relate to loving only the actual chex squares, staying in the mix is an awesome take away. I have teenagers and frankly, disengaging is often what I want to do. I think this is due to the fact that I feel very discouraged that what I’m saying is floating through the brain in one ear and directly out the other. The dialogue I hear during that moment is, ‘you messed them up a long time ago…give it up…you’re wasting your time.’ I know it’s not true, but it’s a heavy weight.

  23. Megan

    Oh how k always compare myself to other families….they always have cleaner houses, better behaves children, etc….but I forget that God made me the mother to my children because their uniqueness blends with mine to equal God’s perfect plan 🙂 Thank you for the good article!

  24. Molly

    Thank you for your honest ministry. I am so grateful to hear this message. I have not passed the parenting class yet either and lately the chatter in my mind has been quick to label myself as a failure and such a bad parent. I’ve been telling myself that I never should have become a parent and that I don’t have what it takes to do this and just feeling like it would be great if someone else more qualified could just come in and take over this mess. Thank-you for the encouragement to stay in the mix. Our house is noisy and chaotic a lot too and we only have one 5 year old!

  25. Vicki

    Thank you so much Lysa for sharing your pastor’s words of wisdom with the rest of us! My husband and I have raised three children and are in the middle or raising an 11 year old grandchild, but we’re still learning how to parent!! My granddaughter and I were talking this week about unkind words others at school were saying about her and how it has undermined her confidence, causing her own internal “chatter” to kick in. Pastor Steven’s quote “What others think about me is none of my business” is brilliant and will give me even more encouragement to share with her, and use to remind myself as well.

  26. Julie Sunne

    I love the idea that being in the mix is a good thing, meaning I haven’t failed yet. Great message!

  27. Rachel Jacobson

    Wow, so many great take aways that are identical to mine regarding parenting. I, too, love the phrase “in the mix” as it relates to staying engaged with my kids when dealing with issues and not just throwing in the towel and giving up. But as bonus, I enjoyed when Pastor Steven mentioned the quote, “What others think of you is none of your business.” When honestly opening my heart to that message and his accompanying statement that it doesn’t matter as long as I’m right with God, it really lifts so much of the negative chatter (whether it’s in my head or in social media etc.).

  28. Cyndi Hoover

    Thank you so much for sharing the interview with yourself and Pastor Furtick!!! It was so great!!!

    I too have EXPLODE Moments… but I’m glad to say… I “Stay in the MIX!” I come back… I appologize… I explain that what I did/said/acted was NOT the way I should have… try to discuss it with him (My son, Taylor, is 13 and Such an AWESOME young man! but like us all… has his moments!) and let him know that I handeled the situation incorrectly… and then we talk about how I could have done it differently…. we both grow in the midst of the storm!!!

    Thanks SO MUCH for all you do!!! (I bought UNGLUED and have started it! LOVE IT so far!)

  29. Lynda Long

    My husband and I have been having a great time discussing the topics you have covered over the last three days in these interviews with Pastor Furtick. Thank you for doing them! In today’s interview Pastor Furtick mentioned that if we are okay with God that should be enough for us. What a great statement! I wrote down a note to myself – “If I’m okay with God, then I’m okay!” Thanks again for addressing the questions we all have but are afraid to ask!

  30. Barbara Cole

    Lysa, thanks so much for these video messages with your Pastor. The early part of my week was crazy so I didn’t have opportunity to read your blog but today, thanks to this major snow storm here in South Central PA, everything has slowed down and I am confined to my home. Yahoo! From today’s message, I love the quote, “What others think of me is none of my business.” I want to be like Jesus – make myself of no reputation; to defend God’s glory but not defend myself.

  31. Sue

    Stayin in the mix really speaks to where I am now raising 4 young children’s, and having a heavy heart when others speak unkindly about my kids. I fall short all the time, and it was reassuring hearing the honesty of Lysa and her pastor on our parental imperfections. I realize that validation s from others is a set up and if I strive to please god I will be better parent, model for my children, and hopefully be teaching them truths they can carry into adulthood.

  32. Wendy

    Wow! GREAT dialogue today and what a struggle that I have every day with being an imperfect wife/mother/friend!! Thank you for taking the time to share with others and being HONEST about your struggles! I loved at the beginning when Pastor said that we have to learn from our mistakes and don’t let them define us! YES!! If only it was as easy as SPEAKING the words. But, thank you, again, for being the encourager that you are and sharing every day!

  33. Kim O.

    Biggest take away: “at least I’m in the mix.” Wow, what an encouragement. Also “what others think of me is none of my business! ” How freeing is that! I’d love to read this book.

  34. Jennifer D.

    I absolutely loved when Pastor Furtick talks about staying in the mix. I often want to give up with my kids because I think I’ve “ruined” them. I love when he mentioned his friend reminded him if was still in the mix because he was involved. I will definitely take that with me!!

  35. Stephanie

    Oh I how fight this everyday! I truly struggle everyday with the chatter!

    Steph Sanders

  36. Jodi R.

    Loved today’s video message! Just what I needed to hear. Thank you again for being so honest and authentic. I loved when he said, “Staying in the mix”and also “What others think of me is none of my business”- this is such great wisdom that I so appreciate! I really have learned so much from all the messages. I need to go back and watch them and take notes! Just ordered a copy of the book! Cannot wait to read it!

  37. Helen G.

    Loved this! Staying ENGAGED… being in the mix, so true! I need to re-evaluate my report card because sometimes I beat myself for not doing this or that, when, REALLY, I’m remaining engaged. And that is sometimes enough. Thank you!

  38. Charity

    So much in those few minutes! I love hearing that when you’re walking in your destiny (i.e. God’s will for you), you’ll experience doubt – that makes me feel relieved and encouraged! And I also appreciated that you don’t really even need to worry until you stop struggling – that means you’ve given up – as long as you’re struggling, you’re “in the mix”, and you are an overcomer, so the victory is ensured!!!

  39. Renee

    I absolutely needed to hear that what other people think about me is none of my business. I am not generally one who minds what people think or say about me. I am comfortable being a black sheep, so to speak. But, recently I have stepped up in ministry, began discipling someone else, and I’m also participating in a ladies Bible study. I absolutely expected some fiery darts from the wicked!!! But, what has come about was nothing I was expecting (or to be honest, anything I thought I’d have a problem dealing with). One false accusation after another. Not just from one person, but many! “What in the world is going on?!” I thought. “I’m just being obedient to God! These things aren’t true…….or are they?!!” I began to defend myself, not to them, but to myself & even to God in my prayers. God is so good!!! He gave me confirmation that I was, in fact, being obedient to Him and that I did not have to defend myself to those people. My conversation, or lifestyle, would do that for me. I just needed to keep my mind “stayed” on Him and He would keep me in perfect peace (Isaiah 26:3). I needed to continue being obedient & not get off track. He also showed me what I was doing wrong by letting my thoughts & emotions take control. Philippians 4:8-9 & II Corinthians 10:5 are some verses He brought to my remembrance to get control of myself. And He also showed me some other verses reminding me the importance of having a sober mind. God gave me the victory! Praise the Lord!!! But, it has been a long and excruciating battle inside my own self with that chatter. And Praise the Lord I stayed in the mix! He did not remove these difficult people from my life or change the circumstances, but He has done a great work inside me! This has been my present battle & hearing your pastor talk today is just what I needed to hear. Thank you for being so translucent & sharing your own life experiences. Each one of your emails truly are a blessing & always perfect timing 🙂

  40. Jennifer Gearheart

    Amazing interview!! I always give myself a failing grade when I have handled a situation wrong with my children. I have taken steps to go to the next step and asked for forgiveness so they know I can admit when I am wrong. I have asked my youngest can we start over and give hugs! I love how Pastor Steven phrased it “staying in the mix!” I know as long as I am doing what I can to live right and have a relationship with God, then what others think of me is none of my business!! Thanks for sharing!

  41. Andrea

    I loved Pastor Steven’s message about changing the grading scale and being in the mix. I have been guilty of the yelling and subsequent self-condemnation too. Interesting thought about your own thoughts being worse than what others’ would say about you. So true! These videos have been very insightful! Thanks for sharing! Would really love to read that book sometime.

  42. Tamatha Knauber

    Hi Lisa, I just listened to part of your message with Pastor Steven and it makes a lot of sense; especially when a lot of the time I truly feel that I’m making no sense at all with my handling my children (without reacting with anger!). I trying not to be so hard on myself, but it is really hard. I’m trying to live a “Great Story” just for today by living in the mix. Please, help me to improve my relationships; and leave Satan’s comment in the closet where it belongs. Help me to rely more on God’s Word instead of living and getting consumed in the moment.

  43. Melissa

    “It’s OK to be imperfect.”

  44. Linda

    Wow. Another great video. Thank you so much for these past 3 days. I especially loved Pastor Furtik’s comment about “being in the mix”. I have to say it made me feel a little better about some of my interactions with my two teenage sons. I often feel like I’ve blown an opportunity to speak truth into their lives but I do feel better knowing that just the fact that I was “in the mix” with them is better than not interacting in the first place. So my take away from the video is to keep on “being in the mix”!

  45. Lorrie

    “If we live off the affirmation of others, we’ll die by the same from lack of it.”

  46. vicki white

    Hi my name is vicki and I am praying that Pastor Steve’s book Crash the Chatterbox will help with the crashing of my chatterbox!! Thanks Vicki

  47. Autumn Walker

    There are many voices we can listen to that are derived of satan, but the powerful voice of Jesus is the only one that we should allow to lead us!

  48. Kelly

    I loved the quote “what others think of me is none of my business.” As long as I stay the course doing GOD’s business, that’s all that matters.

    I also loved when he spoke on if we live by the accolades and approval of others that we will die by the absence of those. HOW TRUE!

  49. Michelle Keener

    Wow! That was an awesome interview! My favorite part was when you talked about what others think of me is none of my business! I struggle all the time with getting wrapped up in what others think of me instead of reminding myself that God’s opinion is all that matters!

  50. Jenny

    Chatter- I pray over this all the time so I am so glad you are on this topic! Being a mom in today’s times stresses me to the core! Working full time & being a mom imperfect moments happen all the time & I blame myself & my career & even my husband when really I am keeping score wrong & I possibly would do the same things even if I was devoted 24/7 to my kids with no career. I like the phrase revaluating how I’m keeping score of my report card from your pastor!

  51. Debbie F

    I liked a couple statements. First Lysa I love how you seem so honest and real with your emotions. I liked the statements “staying in the mix is success” and “what they think of me is none of my business”. We have 3 children and our oldest has been a very difficult one from the beginning. I honestly look back and wonder how did we survive. He was very aggressive, very abusive towards me, refused to follow rules etc. It would have been so easy to get out of the mix, live in freedom instead of fear in my own home but God wrapped His protection around us and I think the other two saw the issues and have learned how to deal with life and the difficulties it throws at you. The statement about what they think of me….no one has walked in my shoes so they do not know what life has been like. Now fortunately he is seeing his mistakes and has changed so much that we can actually have a positive life. Every Christmas I remember the year he lite branches of the Christmas tree on fire and how they didn’t burn so another proof of God’s protection.

  52. Kelley

    It is encouraging that my pastor husband and I are not alone.

  53. Barbara Rivera

    No one is perfect except Jesus and it’s okay.

  54. Carmen

    I loved the part about giving yourself permission to be imperfect. And, about modeling what to do after you’ve made a mistake with your kids…I don’t always do well at that, but I think it would help if I did. And, Lysa, I’m with you on the chex mix 😉 The actual chex squares are totally the best part! 😉

  55. Emma Iosue-Roe

    “If your not ready to be misunderstood, your not ready to be used by God.” WOW! That was an eye opening moment for me. I have want more then anything to be a help to others and in this desire I started blogging. But I find myself not really sharing the deep thoughts and feelings because I am afraid of the responses I would get from friends and family. This is something I have been trying to work on. Thank you so much for the post and the giveaway!

  56. Lisa

    “The way to overcome the accuser, is by the blood of Jesus and the power of my testimony”–this quote sums up something I recently told my daughter, but with a twist. She’s struggling with believing lies from the accuser, but I reminded her that triumphing these accusations will add to her testimony of God’s faithfulness, thus strenghtening her ability to counteract future lies of the accuser. Even as a tween, I think this book would be great for us to read together!

  57. Melissa

    You have recently spoken at Lifepoint Church in Frederickaburg and since them so have followed you and your blogs and your interviews!!! You are such an inspiration to me an I cannot wait to get a copy of Crash the Chatterbox! I need to hear it so bad!

  58. Elizabeth Jones

    Lots of truth in this video! I love the concept of “staying in the mix” it’s so easy to check out & succumb to that negative chatter when relationships get hard.

  59. Andrea

    “If you’re not ready to be misunderstood – you’re not ready to be used by God” & “what others think of me is none of my business.” Whoa! Those 2 statements are still speaking to me!
    I have REALLY regressed in the area of self-chatter the past few months. 🙁
    Thank you very much for doing this! God is using you!

  60. Carrie Cushing

    Great message! I guess my takeaway from this is I too want to come to a place where I hear God say, “You are good with me” and that will be enough. Just ignoring all the negativity and the voices in my head tearing me down.

  61. Liz C

    I love the comment ‘what others think of me is none of my business’! I am always thinking that. Now I need to get into the habit of not paying attention to that inside chatter and say who cares!

    Loved theses three videos!

  62. Lori B

    My biggest take away is that I need to continue to be in the mix and redefine my report for parenting!

  63. Judy

    The greatest gift I can give my children is to show them my love and acceptance of them. Not always easy, but always necessary. Never done perfectly, but forever practicing.

  64. Lindsy M

    This makes me remember that I need to be a better role model to my kids on how to be humble, live the testimony and be forgiving when things don’t go right. No one is perfect and I think our society teaches that we need to be perfect and we parents need to override that message with “None of us are perfect, only God is perfect.” God loves us even when we make mistakes and aren’t doing it all right.

  65. Jenny Block

    My biggest take away from this video is that I’m not alone in the journey! It’s something so many of us deal with and I’m excited that there are people like you guys getting the word out and equipping us with the tools needed to stop the negative chatter!!! Thanks you for your honesty:)

  66. Nita

    Biggest take away is that we are not alone in our role as parents and that our plan for our children my not be their heavenly father’s plan and we must give up the control and be okay with that.

  67. Elizabeth

    We don’t have to be perfect. We can take negative internal dialogue and channel it into something positive.

  68. Cookie Cawthon

    Dang! So many goodies out of that short clip!

    Defining the win as staying in the mix is a rich new standard in relationships – especially parenting. As a mom who is coming out of an extremely difficult spell, where my kiddos have seen me at less than my best, I am seeing beautiful tenderness and compassion and connection bud out of our winter as a family. They’ve seen me cry, burrow under the covers, even question God, but they’ve also witnessed the rebirth of hope, the tenacity and goodness of the Lord, and the return of the sunshine… Thank you to you and Pastor Steven for your honesty!

  69. Jennifer

    **What others think of me is none of my business!**

    “To be used by God is to make yourself of no reputation.” -Pastor Steven
    Woo Hoo! That is a truth to hold onto.

  70. Linda Krueger

    I was hoping to take advantage of the buy one get one free of Crash the Chatterbox book. I completed my purchase on Amazon tonight but was not able to get the special offer on website. Please let me know if I need to do something different or if just ran out of time! The interviews were so good and I too will be listening again! Thank you Lysa!

  71. Linda Krueger

    I was surprised to see the time on my post above – it’s an hour later than the actual time! It should be 11:27pm – do blogs have daylight savings issues? Something silly to smile at! Wishing you a blessed Sunday!

  72. Joy

    I love the comment of staying in the mix! I may stink things up, I may not get in right very often but I am there, I am here and I will stand on my Foundation, my God and His love for me.

  73. Crystal

    The Lord dropped this right in my lap today. It has been a constant struggle for me to not weigh my parenting and personal value based on how my kids obey me. I get stuck in a cycle of feeling I will never be the parent he has called me to be. It even effects how well I unconditionally love my children as I pay too much attention to how well other parents get it right. This message helps me to be determined to fight this lie!

  74. Cindy Fox

    Wow! What powerful statements: “”Stay in the Mix.” “Staying engaged is success.” “If you are not ready to be misunderstood, you are not ready to be used by God.” “If I live off the affirmation of others, I will die from the absence of the same.” Whew! Also, “What others think of me is none of my business.” What God thinks is what matters. I seem to be often misunderstood. Maybe it’s not as bad as I think it is. Ultimately, I must go to God with these concerns and ask Him for inner strength to do what He requires. Thank you for sharing this great food for thought.

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