How do we navigate relationships with those who have hurt us or continue to pull us into dysfunction?

Sign up to receive a free and helpful 3-day devotional called 

Stop Dancing With Dysfunction: 3 Days to Setting Better Boundaries today!

 

l

Exploder or Stuffer – Which One Are You?

May 2, 2013

I used to think there were two categories of reactions people have when they come unglued: exploding and stuffing.

Exploding when we feel unglued means pushing emotions outward. A rush of feelings bubble up and out of our mouth with harsh words, condemning attitudes, and demonstrative gestures like slamming doors or banging our hand down on a table. The exploding makes us feel good in the moment because it gets the yuck out of us but when we realize all we’ve spewed on others and the hurt we’ve caused, the regret falls heavy.

We’ll either deflect that regret by blaming someone else for our actions or we’ll ingest that regret by shaming ourselves.

Stuffing when we feel unglued means pushing emotions inward. A rush of feelings are stopped from going out by being shoved in. We swallow hard our hurt feelings but not in an effort to process and release. Rather we wallow in the hurt. Like an oyster deals with the irritation of a grain of sand we coat the issue with more and more layers of hurt until a rock of sorts is formed.

But this rock is no pearl. It’s a rock with which we’ll eventually build a barrier or use it to hurl hurt in eventual retaliation.

In processing these definitions, studying the thousands of responses to posts I’ve written on raw emotions on my blog, and honestly assessing myself, I determined there are actually 4 categories of unglued reactions:

• Exploders who blame others
• Exploders who shame themselves
• Stuffers who build barriers
• Stuffers who collect retaliation rocks

Once I identified these four categories I wanted to know which one I fell into. You might even be wondering… “what type of reactor am I?” Well, we’ve created an Unglued assessment that you can take to find out!

[field name=iframe]

Remember: these aren’t labels we carry around with us. These are things we’re identifying about ourselves so we can bring our raw emotions and unglued reactions under the healing revelations of Jesus.

Be sure to leave a comment below telling me what your result was. You’ll be entered to win a copy of the Unglued Devotional: 60 Days of Imperfect Progress!

You May Also Like…
Stop Dancing With Dysfunction: 3 Days to Setting Better Boundaries

Stop Dancing With Dysfunction: 3 Days to Setting Better Boundaries

Do you ever feel like relationships are amazing ... until they're not? I understand this frustration.  Because the more deeply we are invested in someone, the more their choices affect us — emotionally, physically, mentally and financially. So how do we navigate...

The 5 Healing Perspectives You Need For Your Hurt or Heartbreak

The 5 Healing Perspectives You Need For Your Hurt or Heartbreak

Do you ever find yourself replaying and reliving the details of the deep hurt in your life? I understand. I’ve been there.  And whether you’ve experienced pain through an event or a collection of hurt that built over time because someone wasn’t who they were...

The Book I Didn’t Want to Write, But Desperately Needed

The Book I Didn’t Want to Write, But Desperately Needed

A million tears. One thousand hours of study. Countless days writing. One heart that didn’t think I could live this message. And a God that didn’t let me drown in my sorrow or give up. I'm grateful to finally get to show you the book that wouldn’t let me go and quite...

248 Comments
  1. Leann

    Just as I suspected: a stuffer who builds barriers. Guess I need to read the book!

    Reply
  2. Alexis

    A stuffer who builds barriers. Yip, describes me to a tee and exactly what I have learned about myself in counseling. I have the book but haven’t been able to read it yet.

    Reply
  3. Valerie

    I knew it…a stuffer who builds barriers…who hates conflict, who knows who is “safe” and who is not. Just had an incident this morning that very clearly illustrates this…perhaps, just perhaps, God would like me to take a look at this so He can begin to heal it.

    Reply
  4. Kristi

    Stuffer who collects retalliation rocks

    Reply
  5. Stephanie Nichols

    I’m an “Exploder who shame themselves”. I tend to need to get everything off my chest ASAP, but then overanalyze what I did/said “wrong” or how I was to blame! UUGH, maybe I’ll win a copy of the book! : )

    Reply
  6. Mona

    Exploder who blames – not really sure it is a full fit. I’ve learned over the years to really process communication and just recently to address with out anger or frustration and let things go.

    Reply
  7. Jenny Corlett

    I believe at different times I can be all four. Just last night finished the six week study on “Unglued.” Now am making imperfect progress in controlling my raw emotions. What a great study it was.

    Reply
  8. Esther

    Oh I’m an exploder who shames who sure. But I do have different reactions for different situations.
    I like to combine them to, for example; with my husband I am an exploder who shames AND collects retaliation rocks.
    At least I’m imperfect progress though? lol

    Reply
  9. Ann

    I picked the “best” answers or should I say the answers that have applied to me longer in my lifetime. For a long time I classified myself as an “imploder” … hurts, anger, injury built up and I took everything out on me. These days I am much more likely to step back prayerfully from my feelings and allow the Holy Spirit to direct my response. Are the words being spoke to me legitimate, meant for correction and growth. Is it simply a misunderstanding or is Satan looking to derail me and pull me out of fellowship and back into isolation? Either way love covers, and we move forward together.

    Reply
  10. Lesann

    yes that’s me!Exploder who shame themselves!!! Only with the people I love! I keep quiet around everyone else.

    Reply
  11. Cindy

    I knew what I was before I took the assessement – an exploder who blames others. With God’s help, I’ve been working on it for awhile and improving and I hope I will continue to do so.

    Reply
  12. Erika

    All of the above! An exploder who shames herself and collects retaliation rocks and hurls them. I just started the book and am convinced that you wrote it just for me, Lysa!

    Reply
  13. Leigh

    Exactly right….stuffer who builds barriers. I have your book and am reading it now!! Thanks for your help!

    Reply
  14. Lisa K

    Stuffer who collects retaliation rocks!!

    Reply
  15. Margo

    I’m a stuffer that builder barriers. A little revelation going on here and just in time for a confrontation with my daughter later today. Your devotional would be a tremendous help!

    Reply
  16. Charlotte Mills

    How do I get my results? I took the test but wasn’t sure how I’d find out. Thanks!

    Reply
  17. Tracy Belcher

    I am an Exploder who shame themselves. Although I am very good at building barriers too.

    Reply
  18. Stacie

    I am a stuffer who builds barriers and sometimes collects retalliation rocks…. to a point of making myself physically sick.

    Reply
  19. Robin

    Yes. I knew it….stuffer who builds barriers…….I hate conflict. I would rather have my feelings hurt than for someone to be upset with me. I will get over it. I can forgive and forget ;-D

    Reply
  20. Joe

    I’m a stuffer who builds barriers. Which is weird, because before taking the test, I would’ve said I’m an exploder that blames themselves. I’m thinking I might get different results based on whom I picture when taking the test.

    Reply
  21. Clara

    I am a stuffer who builds barriers. When I read the results, I said this is me! I have wanted to purchase the Unglued Devotional, but due to extra expenses of my youngest son’s upcoming wedding, I have had to put it off. I know it will be a purchase I will make soon. Thank you for the ministry of Proverbs 31. It is such a blessing!!!!!

    Reply
  22. Kim

    Lysa, I love all your books! I’m the “stuffer who builds barriers”. Wow seeing that in writing was like looking in a mirror. So true! But after reading ‘Unglued’ I’m inspired to make changes in my heart! Thank you for your daily inspiration!

    Reply
  23. Vanessa

    Hi Lysa,

    I think I have been everything at one point or the other in my life! But the assessment says stuffer who builds barriers. I think The Lord is dredging my heart for the things I’ve buried to help me see the walls I built bc of them. Anyway, I have the book and devotional so my comment isn’t to win. I want to share a sweet “God-wink” (as my friend calls it) that I had today. I have a little blog and I mention you on it periodically…they know I love you and can’t wait to give you a big hug in Heaven one day! Your authentic sharing has truly ministered to me. Today I have my first-ever guest post published on (in)courage and I woke up to see it follows yours. It’s truly like His kiss on my forehead! I just laughed with joy:)

    Thank you for sharing your life with us…you’ve inspired healing transparency in so many women!

    Reply
  24. Arlene

    I am a stuffer who builds barriers but generally only with my husband, ex-husband now. His words and actions hurt but rather than hurt him back, I just stuffed it and built that “safe” wall around my heart. Of course, building barriers is never safe because the hurt, pain and anger will eventually come out in some way.

    Reply
  25. Jody

    a stuffer who builds barriers, 59 years old, been doing this my whole life, had a Mom who was the exact same, don’t want my daughters to follow the tradition

    Reply
  26. Stephanie

    Exploding. I try so hard to be the person I know I need and want to be. I try really hard to put others before self, and try even harder to bury what I can if I know that the end result will only make it worse if anything is said. Lately however, that has been my struggle. I have noticed that because of my “burrying” I have allowed others to think they can say anything or behave in a way that is less than decent to me, in return thinking I will remain the Chrisitan I claim to be and let it be. Leave it to me to be the bigger person, apologize for the pain in our family (that I’ve not caused but rather them by selfish comments & actions that cannot be taken back). I’ve tried to watch the words in which I speak as to not hurt those around me, however tough that may be at times. I have witnessed how wicked their comments have been towards me this time because I’ve quiet and been polite (where in the past I’d have argued and shouted back). This only seems to fuel their fire even more, and the comments & stories are growing bigger and this valley feels as though I am being swallowed alive. I notice after reading this blog that I am an exploder, those moments of “why didn’t you make your bed, or finish your homework”, to “what do you mean you didn’t realize you had a test coming this week” are my moments of exploding to my family. That built up anger and I guess resentment inside for the comments of my in-laws has built up so much that I explode on those I love most over the small things.

    This book would come in handy for sure…here’s to wishful thinking!!!

    Reply
  27. Marla

    I’m a stuffer who collects rocks, YIKES!!

    Reply
  28. Laura

    I’m a stuffer who builds barriers. I have just recently noticed this about myself. Once I get so overwhelmed I tend to explode at my husband, even if none of it is his fault. Thankfully, this doesn’t happen all that often.

    Reply
  29. Reina Alvarado

    I guess I should have known i would be a stuffer who builds barriers. I go out of my way to avoid confrontation and have found over the years that “suffing it” eventually finds its way out and it’s pretty ugly and stinky after sitting and fermenting for years. I just bought the book and look forward to reading it! Thank You Lysa!

    Reply
  30. Linda`

    Exploder who blame others

    Reply
  31. Gretchen

    Exploder who shames.

    Reply
  32. Kelly Goodman

    Oh dear! I’m a “Stuffer who Builds Barriers”. So glad I am going through the Unglued Study now. Just finished week 2 last night.

    Reply
  33. christe

    The assessment said i was an exploder who blames. I agree that i am an expoder but I am not sure what the blames is about.

    Reply
  34. Heather

    Stuffer who build barriers – I knew it when I read the 4 reaction types. *sigh*

    Reply
  35. Eileen

    I’m a “stuffer who builds barriers”. This quiz defnitely makes me want to read Unglued!

    Reply
  36. Keri Bishop

    Totally a “Stuffer who Builds Barriers”…..something I have known for quite a while now. But also, I think I am a combination of all 4 depending on the person and the situation. I started over on my 31 days of Proverbs yesterday and I plan on getting Unglued to work on these issues as well…..I am working on 31 days of change this month!!:) Thank you Lysa!!

    Reply
  37. Amy

    I’m a stuffer who builds barriers.

    Reply
  38. Lori

    Yes, my husband would say that I am a stuffer who builds barriers. I am in the middle of reading the “Unglued” book and it is actually helping, but I have a long way to go! I was raised to feel like my opinion and hurts weren’t needing to be shared, so it is hard for me and actually easier to say “I’m fine” than to positively and deal with the issues at hand. I am learning though, God is kind and subtle showing me how 🙂

    Reply
  39. Diane Fetter

    I have not received my results yet, I’m usually a stuffer, but I have also been known to explode. I’m doing a study at our church right now with a group of women. I read chapter 7 this morning. Lysa this book has been a great benefit to helping me grow. into a Godly woman. God new just when I needed it most, but I could have used it prior. I so appreciate your honesty and openness with your life. The DVD makes me want to go to Italy! Blessings to you

    Reply
  40. Debbie

    I am an exploder who blames others. 🙁 I NEED to read your book and devotional, Lysa.

    Reply
  41. Sherry

    I’m a mix, but with those I know, I stuff until I explode and then feel shame. With those I don’t know as well, I stuff and feel shame.
    I love your term “imperfect progress.” That’s so encouraging — that there is progress, but it doesn’t have to be perfect. For someone like me who strives for perfection, that is a weight lifted!

    Reply
  42. charlotte

    I was an exploder before I read this book and did it as a Bible study with a group of ladies. it has been such a blessing to me in life. I have learned a lot about myself and about capturing my tongue before I speak. as always there is more work to be done and I will reread this book from a new perspective now. I have been able to close my mouth but have enabled stuffing. lol life is a process and I am growing and praise God He is clearing and teaching through amazing words of women like Lysa. I refuse to be defeated in the process of life and I choose hoy and growth over destruction and chaos.
    Thanks again for sharing your hard learned truth Lysa.

    Reply
  43. Wendy

    A stuffer who builds barriers. I knew this – have known it – actually planned it early in my life. When my grandpa dies and the sexual molestation ended, I promised myself that nobody would ever hurt me or control me again. What is the best way to do this? Build up a very tall, very thick impermeable wall. It works. Unfortunately, it also keeps out all the people who want to care for you and love you – including God. I am working on chiseling away the wall to find a healthier me!

    Reply
  44. Melanie

    I thought I would be an exploder who shames herself but I came out as a stuffer who builds barriers. I have read Unglued and loved it! It is a daily struggle but it’s encouraging to know we all come unglued and with God’s help we can work towards building better relationships with others!

    Reply
  45. Lois Bogenschutz

    I am a stuffer who builds barriers. It does not come as a surprise to me.

    Reply
  46. Deanna

    I am an exploder who shames themselves. Thanks for this post Lysa!

    Reply
  47. Lori B.

    My reaction is different depending upon who I’m dealing with…I’m a little of each one.

    Reply
  48. Sherri

    As I suspected, I am a Stuffer who collects retaliation rocks. I know this about me, and I have more recently been trying not to react this way, but still, it seems to be my first instinct. What’s worse, the person I had in my head when taking the assessment was my husband! We both hurl those rocks well when something comes up, and after 25 years, we both have pretty good aim!!….however, we ARE working on it!! Thanks, Lysa!!

    Reply
  49. angela taylor

    here is my results Ms. Lysa I also have your book unglude and the guide workbook could not afford the 60 days Imperfect progress unglued devotional would love to have it.

    In Christ Love
    Angela

    Stuffer who build barriers

    In this relationship you do not express your hurt feelings but instead you build a barrier within the relationship. You don’t like conflict and feel the need to protect yourself from further frustration or hurt. The other person knows something is wrong because of the way you’ve pulled back emotionally in the relationship. But you continue to say, “I’m fine,” even when you’re anything but okay. Lysa TerKeurst’s Biblically-based book, Unglued, will help you break free from barriers that shut down communication. Your relationships will dramatically improve when you know how to establish healthy boundaries where you feel safe enough to communicate honestly, even in times of conflict. Click here for more information.

    Reply
  50. Amber S

    I am a stuffer who collects retalliation rocks. Which makes sense and I am sure my husband would agree. I have your book, but as a busy working mom have not read it yet. I hope to be able to soon. Thanks !!

    Reply
  51. Mippy/Sabrina

    I am a stuffer who build barriers….until I kersplode. *That is me fo sho. Thank you for this! 😀

    Reply
  52. Laurie

    Exploder who shame themselves. This result is very telling as I am currently asking the Lord to help me work through my feelings of shame.

    Reply
  53. Donna

    Wow, this hit the nail on the head! I’m quick tempered, but I can usually get a grip before I let my emotions rule my tongue or actions. I can stuff for a little while, but then I usually loose it on someone who really doesn’t deserve it, then I feel so quilty. Thank you Lord for Lysa and her wonderful devotions they are a true Blessing in my life.

    Reply
  54. Deanna T.

    I read your book and I love it! I have even shared it with a girlfriend. I’m wondering if there’s a version of this out there somewhere for men. Something with the exact same concepts, but with examples and stories that they can better relate to as a male. If it doesn’t exist, it would be so great if one was written! I know a couple people who would be interested.

    Reply
  55. Deanna T.

    Oh, and I’m all 4 depending on the situation. But mostly I’m both kinds of exploder.

    Reply
  56. Lynda

    Ohhhh, a stuffer with retaliation rocks. I thought being quiet was good, processing things over time and trying to find gentle ways to point out and name the disappointments and pain. I guess we’re always over to one side too far and need to be willing to examine our heart and motives farther…onward!

    Reply
  57. Dee

    Stuffer who builds barriers…I don’t like conflict at all and want to feel in control.

    Reply
  58. Connie Moore

    Exploder who blames others – Wow! I don’t think I saw anyone else with this “title”. What does that say about me? I used my relationalship with my daughter for this survey and her words, “mom you think you are so perfect” shouted at me!! I could just cry that I would make her feel “imperfect” when I am trying to just be a good example and I think I’m explaining my thought processes not “blaming” her. I don’t ever mean to play the blame game and want to learn how not to do that. Would love your book!
    Blessings!

    Reply
  59. Terri

    I’m a Stuffer who collects retaliation rocks. It’s true and I want to stop. I need this book. It’s hard to live this way. I’m so hurt and disappointed in the moment but I know that I can explode and be hurtful so I just stuff it. Then, when I can’t take it anymore, it all comes out anyway, just as, or most likely, even more hurtful than it would have been…

    Reply
  60. Bridgette

    My results indicated that I am a Stuffer who Builds Barriers. However, I actually think I am actually each of the reactors depending on the situation, person/people involved and how much I have previously stuffed. Unfortunately, stuffing can only go so far before it become a massive, uncontrolled explosion with a lot of snot, tears, soggy kleenex, regret, sorrow and later headache remedies and something to reduce the puffy, tear swollen eyes and blotchy forehead.

    Reply
  61. Nancy

    Just as I thought…. Stuffer who build barriers. will be getting the book =)

    Reply
  62. Krista

    I can be all four of these types. It’s sad..I do tend to keep score with certain people. I dont like conflict. My temper has gotten better over the years, but I can be a slow boiler…and then unload whe really provoked. I need the book!!

    Reply
  63. Marylin

    I’m a stuffer who builds barriers. I just don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings… even if they’ve devasted mine. That really isn’t walking in victory, though.

    Reply
  64. Sharon

    stuffer who builds barriers – no surprise here. I can be tormented for years over a single incident

    Reply
  65. Jennifer

    A little surprising, but I’m a stuffer who collect retaliation rocks. I knew that I was a stuffer, but didn’t realize that I collected retaliation rocks, hmm. Interesting, guess I need to read the book ;0)

    Reply
  66. Jeanie Kelley

    I for one am an exploder in my house hold. I can explode at the drop of a hat. The only issue I have now is that Daniel,my son, is an exploder as well. He can get mad at the drop of a hat as well.

    Reply
  67. Sonya

    Just as I suspected, a stuffer who builds barriers. I could really use the devotional to work on this!

    Reply
  68. Ellen

    A stuffer who collections retaliation rocks. But I realized this and am trying to work on it. It is not an easy task, but trying and praying for guidance.

    Reply
  69. Yvette

    I’m a stuffer who builds barriers, Lol. This description had me so suprised because it explained and exposed me from A-Z. Not making excuses for being a “stuffer who builds barriers” but in a sense I’m this way because I give people (who I love) so many chances, overlook so much, extend grace to them, that once I see you’re completely oblivious or either don’t care about my feelings then the best move for us both is for me to distance myself because other wise I’m going to retaliate. This will lead to me saying something that I absolutely know will be hurtful and in all honesty this is something that I don’t want to do. Maybe reading Unglued will assist me!

    Reply
    • shannon brown

      Yvette, that is me to a tee as well….

      Reply
  70. Julie

    I am stuffer that build barriers! I am going through hard time right now with almost everybody in my life. I feel very sad most of the time,I did borrow your book from library because I felt I needed too. I don’t have any money to buy any of your books, I am thankful fo able to borrow them! I really love to have a devotional to help me, to know to how handle things the way I should. Because life is a little overwhelming right now,thank you for giving the tools I need and chance to win your books! God bless you in everything you do! Julie

    Reply
  71. Sandy

    A Stuffer who collects retaliation rocks! I have to agree.

    Reply
  72. Lina

    an Exploder who shames themselves… because I based my answers on how I deal with my husband. And I am getting better all the time! Thanks to your posts, your book, (and God’s help of course) I am learning how to stop, pray, wait if necessary, and THEN broach the subject with Russ. It is so much better! Sometimes I just talk to God and cry and let the hurt out because I realize it has far more to do with me, my past, my own uber-sensitivities than it does with him. However, I do let him know if he has hurt my feelings and I also ask for an apology…AFTER I have done my work first. =)

    I also find it interesting, as you have pointed out before, that depending on who you are dealing with the response might be remarkably different.

    Thanks Lysa!

    Reply
  73. Cindy

    Stuffer who builds barriers

    Reply
  74. shannon brown

    I am so a stuffer who puts up barriers! Although, there are certain people and situations, where I will blow up, but that is usually if I am defending a loved one, especially my Son or Husband. However, it takes a lot to get me to that point, because generally I don’t like confrontation, and I want everyone to “like” me… I know the book would help me a lot!!!

    Reply
  75. Lydia

    Exploder who blames! @[email protected] Didnt think I was. Yikes! Did think I was an exploder, didnt think I blamed. I’m always blaming myself. :/

    Reply
  76. Leia Cunningham

    I’m an exploder who shames herself. I was a little surprised, I thought I would be the other kind of exploder. It’s definitely something I need to work on!

    Reply
  77. Pat

    I am a stuffer that builds barriers. I read the Unglued book and need to go back and reread it!! The devotional would be a great companion and daily reminder for me to work on this.

    Reply
  78. chista shane

    I have never read your book… so for me the result on the website was Exploder who shames themselves.. I tend to think Exploder who blame others… I knew I was one of those two anyway 🙂 I tend to think this is accurate now that I read the definition a little closer. Maybe this book will help me out with all the obstacles I am having right now. A husband who is a severe stuffer… then explodes with rocks of steel.. boy do those hurt.. 🙁

    Reply
  79. Rebecca

    Stuffer who collects rocks! YOWZER!

    Reply
  80. Sarah K.

    I’m not at all surprised…A stuffer that builds barriers.

    Reply
  81. Tarah Wyatt

    I am an exploder who shames myself. I think I am only this way with my husband with others I stuff my feelings away. Isn’t it funny how those you love the most you are the most ugly to? I am reading your book and I cannot put it down. It speaks to me on so many levels. Thank you so much for writing a book that feels like looking in a mirror.

    Reply
  82. Andrea

    I’m a stuffer that builds barriers. I get angry or resentful and put a wall up. Not very healthy, I know. Once in awhile it leads to an explosion….I could sooo relate to the story in your unglued book about getting mad at your husband over a diet coke. I have done that very same type of thing with my husband. Thanks for sharing that.

    Reply
  83. Suzanne

    Wow, how timely… this very morning I blew up on a loved one and said the evil that spewed from my heart… I am sorry and I am an “Exploder who shames herself”
    Boy can I used a copy of this book!

    Reply
  84. Abby

    I think I am different ones of those in different situations. I’m not one to really fall into a category with anything, and different people/issues/days produce different reactions in me. I’ve done all 4 of those things, just about equally. I’ve also happily found myself dealing with raw emotion, as it happens. I’m good at being a “walk-awayer” and I can then breathe and think and pray and process. Like, just give me a few minutes, because you just ripped me apart and I need to walk over here for a moment and remember I’m a Christian, so I don’t strangle you.
    Keep up the great work, Lysa!

    Reply
  85. Heather Cochran

    I knew that I was a stuffer who builds barriers before I took the assessment. I am going through a situation with two of my friends who were also in my Bilble Study. I have been trying very hard to forgive and get past the offense, but I just don’t feel the same about them or my friendship. I have purchased the Unglued book and I am hoping that I will learn some things that can help me move past this and also help with future encounters.

    Reply
  86. Brandi Jones

    Stuffer who builds barriers

    Reply
  87. Marie

    Stuffer who collects retaliation rocks…kind of surprised me!

    Reply
  88. Jammie Johns

    I am a exploder who blames others 🙁 this I know is not of GOD. This is something my heart longs to change to the Glory of GOD.

    Reply
  89. Lynda

    Quite accurate. I am a stuffer and I do withdraw rather than deal with a lot of conflict if it has anything to do with me. If it has to do with my family or close friends, then I step out of my comfort zone and deal with it. Thanks.

    Reply
  90. Tricia

    Exploder who shames myself. Oh how very true that is. And there is absolutely no way to take those words back once they’ve flown out of my mouth. Then I will consistently wake up at 3 am with the monkey mind racing 90 miles an hour reminding me of every awful time I have done this. At that point I give it all to God … and take it back.
    … sigh …

    Reply
  91. stephanie

    Exploder who blames…… ;0(

    Reply
  92. Brenda

    I was a stuffer who built barriers for 53 years, but only with men, my abuve stepfather and/or husband. Year 54 I lost it. So there were a few rocks in there too. My rocks flew for about a half hour then I apologized. For what, I am not sure. There wasn’t one thing that I said that wasn’t true. of course the way it came out might not have been the best. I had always took whatever was dished out (physical,emotional,sexual or verbal abuse) and said “Oh, that’s ok”. I am finding myself doing it again and I don’t like it. I have read Unglued and am on to a title that was suggested called Remptive Divorce by Mark Gaither.

    Reply
  93. Chris

    I am an exploder. 100% full fledge Itailian–BLAH!!!!!!!–exploder. I have three boys. Sometimes, my adult temper tantrums are not pretty. I always, always, always try to immediately right my wrongs….but I definitely shame myself……I’d love to read your book.

    Reply
  94. Terri

    I am a Stuffer who builds barriers. I am working hard to not let that rock form. I read “Unglued” and loved it. I will continue to refer back to it to help me.

    Reply
  95. Kendyl Mac

    When I first took the test I really thought it would be an exploder so I was shocked to find out I was actually a Stuffer who collect retaliation rocks. When I read the explination.. it really made sense. Not only do I hurt myself by stuffing, my retaliation rocks hurt others. I need to learn to effectively process my feelings so that I don’t leave a path of damage!

    Reply
  96. Casey

    I’m an Exploder who shames herself. Fits me perfectly. Although i have spent the better part of 2 years working on my reaction, sometimes i cant help but explode to finally feel the release of built up frustrations. Lord help me!

    Reply
  97. Lucinda

    exploder who blames others….need the book

    Reply
  98. Debbie

    Let’s say I’m a sophisticated stuffer. I take all the unrespectable and dishonorable moments of weakness in others and disect them to whether I will return for a second round. If I have no choice, then I will bring my case before them as a defense attorney without emotional influence. I don’t want to get entangled with anger or other emotions that give into the flesh. If I am offended, then I still bring myself into that process of regaining my position in Christ. Not easy to do when words are involved that may be of a negative source. The closer people are to us, the harder it is to forgive and move on. God’s grace coveres a multitude of sins, but we can’t fail to neglect to speak the truth in love.

    Reply
  99. Paige

    I’m an exploder who shames myself. I thought I would be an exploder who blames others. Hmm, guess there’s no debate on the exploder part…

    Reply
    • Leah

      I am exploder who shames myself. I can tend to act in several of the ways described depending on the circumstance or whether I stop to think and decide not to go with my initial first thought reaction. I guess this does describe me well and after hearing Lysa speak on this at our church, I have been trying to check myself before jumping to respond. Great assessment!

      Reply
  100. Alison

    Exploder who blames others…I knew I was an exploder, but didn’t really realize I blame others until I read the description and the part that said you feel like you wouldn’t have reacted in that way if it hadn’t been for how acted. I can agree with that. I also feel lots of shame for how I react especially when it’s my children who I come unglued with. I so desperately want to teach them appropriate ways to respond, but yet i can’t even do it myself.

    Reply
    • Genny

      Oh my goodness! I feel just how you explained it! I have boys and I totally blow up especially with my 7-year-old and feel awful right after. I so want to show them how not to react just like their mama reacts and I pray everyday how to not explode on them.
      I will keep all the mamas out there in my prayers – 🙂

      Reply
  101. Nancys1128

    I’m a stuffer who builds barriers. I totally agree with the stuffer – I knew that going in – but while I’m not a retaliator, I’m not really sure I build barriers, either. I definitely get quiet for a period of time, but I do let go (eventually) and move on. It’s certainly given me something to think about, that’s for sure.

    Reply
  102. Allison

    I’m a stuffer who collect retaliation rocks. It confirmed what I already knew. The following portion of I Corinthians 13:5, always convicts me: “…it keeps no record of wrongs.”

    Reply
  103. sheryl

    stuffer who builds barriers – not all that surprising, based on the relationship I had in mind when I responded. Part of my self-preservation 🙁

    Reply
  104. Pam

    A stuffer who builds barriers…there is truth in this assessment. Waa
    I struggle the most with setting healthy boundaries – sometimes too close, other times a solid brick wall; in both cases shame and guilt follow.

    Reply
  105. Stephanie

    stuffer who builds barriers – I frequently replay conversations where if only I had said this or that, but know that I don’t have the courage to because of my fear of confrontation and rejection. 🙁

    Reply
  106. Lindsey E

    Stuffer who collect retaliation rocks

    Reply
  107. Kristen

    I’m a Stuffer Who Builds Barriers. Everything was spot on. I end up suppressing my emotions thinking it is for the greater good if I just let things go, but in the end I’m not the only one feeling hurt and frustrated. I’m not really letting it go, just hiding it until I hit a breaking point in communication and intimacy! Thanks for the revelation!

    Reply
  108. Paula

    Can a person be more than one of the four?

    Reply
  109. kesha

    I am a stuffer who builds barriers. I am really not surprised because my first line of defense often is to shut down and shut others out of my world….not a good choice!

    Reply
  110. C Rogers

    Exploder who shame themselves…I agree with a previous commentor. How can I help my children have godly reactions if I can’t even do it. Been working on this for years…have your book, now I need to find time to read and apply it. Lord help me!

    Reply
  111. Sherry

    I’m a stuffer who builds barriers. I knew this. I don’t like confrontation or rejection and will go to lengths, I guess, to avoid them. When I’m uncomfortable in a situation, I get quiet.

    Reply
  112. Julie

    Hi! I am SO a stuffer! I stuff my emotions down SO deep and start to feel really down and upset with the other person without them ever knowing. I have been known to explode after keeping those emotions in for so long. I know neither are good. I really need to work on not stuffing things and speaking the truth in love with those who have upset me. TY for this post! God Bless you and your awesome ministry! Julie

    Reply
  113. Beth

    I did this assessment with my husband in mind, since I am different with others. But really, the results. “Stuffer who builds barriers” is generally true of me across the board. I’m leading a group of women this summer through your book, Unglued, Lysa, and I’m really looking forward to it!

    Reply
  114. Dini Malone

    I’m exploder who shames herself. But it also depends on the person. There are sometimes I won’t say anything and maybe later I’ll bring it up. There are also times, I will not argue with someone right away, I’ll walk away and give some thought to the situation before talking about it. I used to stuff my feelings and then explode after I had time to get myself all worked up. In this situation, I was thinking of my mom, she has a lot of bitter and anger inside of her and she does not stuff anything.

    Reply
  115. Bel B

    I am a Stuffer who build barriers. After I read the description, I think this absolutley sounds like me. I avoid confrontation at all costs and it has put rifts in relationships because I close myself off emotionally from them.

    Reply
  116. Elaina

    I’m a stuffer who builds barriers. Although I do feel that the Lord is always working with me, and is helping me learn how to deal with things in a healthier way and work things out appropriately in the relationships that matter the most.

    Reply
  117. LaVerne C

    Took the short quiz and found out I am a exploder who shame themselves which I thought I would be the stuffer who builds barriers I have the book Unglued and had starting reading it I definintely need to get back to it life with husband is very irritating these days. I love getting the emails every day and especially the thoughts on facebook awesome. Thanks for all of your encouraging words. God Bless & Hugs

    Reply
  118. Donna Hamilton

    I’m a Stuffer who build barriers. Your quiz is really good! It’s explanation fit me perfectly! I have been trying to break the habits of being like this for a long time. I still have work to do! Thanks for all you and your ministry does! God bless you!

    Reply
  119. Sherry

    I’m a stuffer who build barriers. I’m working healing my past so I can walk forward and
    let go. I want to heal pass relationships so I don’t have to carry such a heavy load and free myself of not being good enough. I’m so thankful for Proverbs 31 Ministries and the women who write the devotions. Thank you for helping me in my walk with Christ.

    Reply
  120. kristin

    My result was “Stuffer who builds barriers”….and this seems true and accurate (as much as I am able to see, objectively)…. I know that past hurts (the intentional kind) did their damage, and have created some “scar tissue” on an emotional level. Thank you for reminding me, as this is something I must remember to bring to the Lord in prayer…and being honest with Him about it when I do…. I’m sharing this assessment with my Christian sisters, in hopes it will open up some spiritual and emotional windows for them as well… 🙂

    Reply
  121. amy

    stuffer who builds barriers–exactly what I thought I would be:(

    Reply
  122. Jenny Crow

    Stuffer who builds barriers. I remember even in college when we had a conflict in our dorm, I put my head down on my knees to shut it out. Unglued is an answer to prayer! I am leading a small group through it and we are all making “imperfect progress” and supporting each other along the way. 🙂

    Reply
  123. Molly

    I am a Stuffer Who Builds Barriers

    Reply
  124. KAren

    “Stuffer with retaliation rocks” surprised me in some ways because i believe I’m more of an exploder. however, more realistically I’m probably a combination of all the 4 depending on the specific circumstances or people I’m dealing with. As I’ve grown in my relationship with Jesus, i’ve perhaps gotten better to at least delaying the explosions! Unglued has helped me understand the effect my upbringing had on me – with an exploder mom and a stuffer dad….stuffer until he’d had enough and then the explosion happened!

    Reply
  125. Kathy

    I’m a stuffer who builds barriers and it has been pointed out to my by my hubby often. It has been hard to express the fears and concerns that I’ve collected. I feel if I do confront, then my friend or family member will turn away from me. I’ve experienced this response from my youngest sister who has denied me knowledge of what is going on with my Mom who lives far away and suffers from Parkinson’s. She gives me generalities and never expresses what I need to know.

    Reply
  126. Lynette

    Unfortunately I am some of two of them…a Stuffer that collects retaliation rocks and there are times when I am an Exploder that blames others and of course I feel horrible afterwards. But there have been times when I have tried the “face it now” strategy with the person who has upset and they explode and everything is lost at that point because no one is really listening….so I guess I have my work cut out for me. Thank you so much for covering this subject because at least it gave me a name to call it in the future. God’s Blessings to you Lysa.

    Reply
  127. Becky

    I’m a stuffer who collects retaliation rocks. I knew I was a stuffer before I took the quiz,but am honestly surprised by the retaliation part. I think of other relationships where I have more likely built huge barriers becauese I’m afraid I would explode if I didn’t

    Reply
  128. Missy

    It’s ugly to write it out in black and white, but I am an exploder who blames others. This is something that God is working on me about. I am doing my level best to stop trying so hard and allow His peace and perspective to flood me, instead of the anger that I so often allow to flood me, instead. These sorts of realizations, and then a deep desire for change, are such life changers!

    Reply
  129. Robin

    I love your blog. I get so much encouragement from your words and testimony. I found out that I’m an exploder then I feel ashamed. I hope to win your book, I’m sure I could grow spiritually through it.

    Reply
  130. Mandy Dixon

    I am a stuffer who builds barriers. No surprise there! This quiz was spot on. I hate conflict. So much so I let people run all over me. I also build the barrier to hide the hurt or deflect it. I definitely am getting your book to improve my mindset and build better relationships! Thank you so much for your ministry!

    Reply
  131. Grace

    I got Exploder that shames herself but I really fit into all the categories depending on who I’m with and what the situation is.

    Reply
  132. Amy

    I react as an exploder who shames herself. This behavior is currently destroying two of the most important relationships in my life. Lysa, could you please pray for me?

    Reply
  133. Carrie

    I’m a stuffer who builds barriers. I checked out your book Unglued from the library. Within a day, I realized that you wrote this book for me and that I needed my own copy. So I journeyed to the bookstore to purchase my own so I can highlight it. I think I would really benefit from your devotional and hope to win it!

    Reply
  134. Ja***

    Stuffer who collects retaliation rocks. This is so me. Eek.

    Reply
  135. Lori Hughes

    It was right on the money for me. A stuffer who builds barriers!

    Reply
  136. Kendra

    I’m a stuffer who builds barriers. Not a big surprise. Something to continue working on with God’s help.

    Reply
  137. Leah P

    My result wasn’t a surprise to me at all, unfortunately. I’m a stuffer who builds barriers.

    Reply
  138. Yvonne

    Stuffer who builds barriers, I knew that, and God is working.=) I am a peacemaker, I don’t like confrontation, but realize how important it is to talk it out and not build barriers.

    Reply
  139. Anna

    I am a stuffer who builds barriers. That description fits me to a T.

    Reply
  140. Vicki

    I react differently to different people. I’m a combination of all these. What would it feel like to be honest with people?

    Reply
  141. Andi

    I’m a stuffer who builds barriers. I am not surprised. I don’t like conflict. It would be much easier if the other person would just see it my way!!

    Reply
  142. Ann

    Stuffer who builds barriers. Very accurate assessment. Thank you.

    Reply
  143. Karen

    A stuffer who collects retaliation rocks..I do like to step back and think about what just took place and then I usually take it to the Lord. I think there are some people that you can’t talk to about their offenses, because they are not ready to listen. It is even more true of a parent that feels they must be the one that is right and it is dishonoring to them if you disagree with them.
    One of the things that I have learned is when I have had an argument with someone and I find it replaying in my head, that I have been hurt in some way. It is then that I actually realize the hurt and can bring it to the Lord.

    Reply
  144. Angel

    I’m an exploder who blames others. I knew that before the assessment, but it really hits home to have confirmation. It’s, “I wouldn’t be angry if….”, “I wouldn’t be yelling if…”, or, “If you would only…”. I know that my reactions are MY choice. I just don’t know how to choose different.

    Reply
  145. Katie

    This was hard. I really could have answered the questions in different ways depending on the situation. I think I am all of them at different times. I’m curious to read the book to learn more about how the different types are defined and suggestions on how to communicate in healthier ways. 🙂

    Reply
  146. Debra Graybeal

    Stuffer who collect retaliation rocks

    Reply
  147. Kirsten

    Stuffer who build barriers…as I expected.

    Reply
  148. Halona

    My test revealed that I am an Exploder who shame themselves. Although, I would say that I am all four. I can’t wait to get the devo. Lysa, you are such a blessing!!

    Reply
  149. LATRELLE

    No surprise for me –I’m a stuffer who builds barriers , Hope the devotion helps me !!

    Reply
  150. Angie

    Definitely a stuffer who builds barriers. Knew it before I took the test. Always afraid anger is “unchristian”. I try to be a peacemaker,while all that is in me is the farthest thing from peace I could imagine.

    Reply
  151. Karen

    I am all four and see each one in myself at different times Lord help me…

    Reply
  152. Dawn

    No surprise here- I’m a stuffer who collects retaliation rocks! Looking forward to sharing in Unglued – I’m just found Lysa (LOVE YOU!) through a friends recommendation to join the Made to Crave 60 day devotional. Which I did and downloaded the book! You have a gift, please keep sharing your story, struggles, successes and walk with God with such gut level honesty.

    Reply
  153. Marie Moore

    Unglued assessment- I didn’t get about the Exploder and Stuffer. My page was empty in the middle where it should have been. I really wanted to try this to find out exactly which I was. Thank you- if you could just send it through again- would love it. Love your devotions and so many of them apply to me. Have your books- enjoy them and am so grateful for the spiritual help they give me. I look forward to the email every day and often use some of them for my UMW women’s group in church. Thank you again.

    Reply
  154. Marie Moore

    Please ignore the previous comment- just found the assessment on this page. Woe is me.

    Reply
  155. Deborah Morey

    With my family I am an exploder who blames others. I’ve prayed for this to change and when nothing gets better, I get angry and explode at God. Not pretty

    Reply
  156. Val

    Stuffer who builds barriers…no surprise to me. God has been pointing this out to me in the past couple of months and I have gotten some counsel on taking risks with people who don’t feel safe to me. Totally out of my comfort zone. I bet anyone who falls into this category can relate. I need to be willing to change. I just heard someone on the radio say, “Fear is faith that has said its prayers.” Encouragement to persevere in prayer about this and take baby steps of faith.

    Reply
  157. Molly Higle

    I find it interesting that I struggled with pick just one answer for some of the questions. In some situations I react differently than others. Especially if I am at home with only my family or out and about with others watching. How sad it is to know that I feel so free to be nasty in my responses when it’s just “us”. I really need to work on that one, for sure!
    Thank you for your faithfulness and service. Your words truly bless me daily.

    Reply
  158. Theresa

    Wow! Exactly unfortunately who I am a Stuffer who build barriers! I have been through a discipleship program at my church and have discussed this “barrier” I build up, but there is this habit of falling back into that comfort zone of putting up a wall. I am though like everyone else work in progress with God and I know one day I will feel comfortable and secure enough in Him to speak and not put up walls anymore!

    Reply
  159. Janelle G

    This assessment is right on the spot. Exploder who shame themselves. Our ladies Bible study went through “Unglued” this Winter. The Lord has been working on my thought processes to get me more aligned with his.

    Thank you Lysa, for obeying our Lord and bringing us these helpful tools 😉
    You sister in Christ,

    Janelle G

    Reply
  160. Lisa Rettig

    I am a stuffer who builds barriers. I knew that one was coming. 🙂 I will definitely get Unglued after I finish my current study.

    Reply
  161. susan

    Stuffer who collects rocks. I also wasn’t sure since I would choose different answers for friends than family. But I still can see this us true for the most part. Would love to get the book.

    Reply
  162. Megan

    I’m a stuffer who builds barriers – and I think I knew that. Conflict is hard for me, so I tend to internalize it until I’m ready to explode! Maybe knowing this will be a helpful start to a healthier way of dealing with conflict.

    Reply
  163. AmyJo

    I am a stuffer who builds barriers. That is so true! I have very few friends and I am not good at putting myself out there. I have a tendency to avoid arguments at all costs. I want to do the unglued study!

    Reply
  164. Autumn

    I am definitely a stuffer who collects retaliation clocks. I suspected this was me before I even took the quiz. Its something I’m aware of and I am trying to deal with but its definitely difficult for me.

    Reply
  165. connie

    Hummm….Stuffer who collect retaliation rocks. I thought I was an exploder.

    Reply
  166. Sally

    I’m a stuffer who builds barriers. You’d think I was in construction by how good I am at this. :-/

    Reply
  167. Bertha Mason

    Hi Lysa,

    Thanks for the survey. I regret to say that the results correctly identified me as a stuffer who builds barriers. Yes, another clam at work producing a rock of emotions. Thanks for the tips in your blog. They do help 🙂 Take care

    Reply
  168. Angel Maria

    I knew I was an exploder before I took the assessment. It only confirmed what I already knew. Instead of expressing my hurt feelings I shut down and build a barrier against that person to ensure that I won’t let my guard down again. That way I protect myself from further frustration or hurt. When my “chest gets full” from holding in my feelings, and I’m really upset, I will lash out and then quickly get over it.

    Reply
  169. Debbie H

    Wow, I’m an exploder who blames others. I thought I was collection rock, I guess I just let them fly.

    Reply
  170. pam

    I am an exploder who shames herself! Fits me to a tee.. Need to work on that

    Reply
  171. Tonya

    I am an exploder who shames myself later. I thought this was me the moment I read your explanations of the four groups. This is definitely something that I really need God to help me with. It feels good not to stuff it, but in the end I don’t like who I am. Thanks for the blogs and devotions Lysa! They help me with my walk with the Lord daily!

    Reply
  172. Mary Lou Kleveland

    I’m a stuffer who collects retaliation rocks. I wasn’t surprised that this was my label. I can’t wait to get a copy of Unglued and learn more on this very needed topic. Thanks, Lysa, for being genuine and bringing this issue to light in your book.

    Reply
  173. sue

    stuffer who builds barriers

    Reply
  174. Billie

    Stuffer who builds barriers- and some of them are pretty high!

    Reply
  175. diana stokes

    we had this unglued for a womens group. very powerful!!!!! I found out that at times I am all 3 and now I see there are actually 4. Oh boy…better get in touch with God and figure out how to be the best I can be when things hit hard with struggles…the best womens group I have been to and a real eye opener

    Reply
  176. Kristen

    Stuffer who builds barriers.

    Reply
  177. brenda

    exploder who hurts myself with my mouth.

    Reply
  178. Heather

    Stuffer Who Builds Barriers – Unfortunately, I knew that before taking the assessment. =(

    Reply
  179. Amy

    Stuffer who builds barriers. Fits me perfectly. I don’t like confrontation. I would rather keep to myself. I only let a few people inside my barrier. I’ll be using this book in my church summer Bible study–I hope I can learn a lot!

    Reply
  180. Beth

    Exploder who shames herself….I would’ve guessed that or stuffer who builds barriers. It was tough to pick just one answer sometimes. Thank you so much for this post and your book. I can’t wait to read it !

    Reply
  181. Linda

    Exploder who blames others. I really think it depends on the person and situation. I agreed with the assessment for the person I was think of, however, overall I tend to be a stuffer who explodes when stuffing has reached it’s limit. =(

    Reply
  182. D Lewis

    oh it says a stuffer who builds barrier—
    Yes, agreed but I will get to a point where it is too much frustration and explode then I will run and hide. sad but true. I would love any help and suggestions for being healthy the way God desires. It is definitely conscious work. However, currently being able to buy a book is not in the budget.
    Thank you for your helpful emails. It helps shed light in my little world.
    Thank you for sharing your wisdom.

    Reply
  183. E M

    Stuffer who build barriers….pretty accurate

    Reply
  184. Julie

    I am an exploder who shames myself later…. This is so true. I have shamed myself for years and usually re-live my faults over and over for days, months, years… I pray for change!

    Reply
  185. Tamara

    Stuffer who builds barriers – yup, I’d say that’s what I do.

    Reply
  186. Penny

    I am a stuffer that collects retaliation rocks. With God’s help and with Unglued, I pray I will learn much and allow His precious Spirit to have His way to change me one day at a time with imperfect progress!

    Reply
  187. Jennifer Radtke

    I’m a stuffer most of the time. When I explode I instantly feel shame at what I had done. I’d rather stuff it and send it to God or the journal than to go around apologizing for what I had just said.

    Reply
  188. Jennifer

    Jennifer’s Result
    Stuffer who build barriers

    Yes, I definitely see this. Speech-wise, I tend to be very quiet, not saying much, just in general. I dwell on things a while, trying to see all the angles (I can’t but I try).

    Reply
  189. Ida Ortega

    I just took this assessment, and yes its true. I am experiencing a stuffer who builds barriers situation right now, and its exactly how I feel. I feel hurt and pull away. Thank you for this assessment.

    Reply
  190. Tina Rains

    I can be/have been each at different times with different people. However, since beginning the “Unglued” study last year, I am happy to report “imperfect progress” in several relationships, especially with my Heavenly Father.

    Reply
  191. Kim

    Exploder who blame others
    Yeah…I would have to agree. With God’s help my desire is to bring my reactions under His control!

    Reply
  192. Rachel

    I am a stuffer and barrier builder. Before I took the quiz I thought that I was a rock stuffer, but I can see that I hold things inside of me and build walls. One day I will be perfect. Right? 😉
    No. But I’m trying.
    Love ya!

    Reply
  193. Lori

    I want to deal with issues right away, but when I take time to think first, I often find it isn’t an issue any more!!!
    Giving all my stress to God is something I am working on. I don’t want to “keep” it, as I know I’m not in control, yet I find I try to keep it and control it?? Not sure why I do this!!!

    Reply
  194. Donna

    Stuffer who builds barriers

    Wow, this was right on and is a real eye-opener. I know boundaries are necessary, but the key is “healthy” boundaries and not the barriers I have built blocking communication with those I love.

    Reply
  195. Nadia

    I’m shocked that I’m a stuffer who collects retaliation rocks! I thought for sure I would be an exploder of some kind. I’m ready to bring this to God. I’m ready to grow in his grace.

    Reply
  196. eric

    stuffer who builds walls

    Reply
  197. Nina

    Stuffer who builds barriers. No surprise, really am enjoying your book. Thank you sharing with everyone out there. May the Bless us all

    Reply
  198. Suzie H

    I am a stuffer who collects retaliation rocks. This is very true for the most part, although I often feel like an exploder at times.

    Reply
  199. cristina

    I am a “Stuffer who build barriers”. This was tough for me because I kept saying to myself – well it depends. I find that I have a different “style” with my mother than I do my husband, co-workers friends. But overall, I guess I prefer to withdraw – much to most people’s assumption about how I would probably react.

    Reply
  200. Jaclyn

    I’m a stuffer who builds barriers. No surprise there 🙂

    Reply
  201. Cheryl

    Exploder who shame themselves…hmmm, not what I thought I would be

    Reply
    • Sarah S.

      I am so thankful to God for your Unglued lessons and workbook. I am a stuffer with walls and an exploder who blames. After writing down my unglued moments in your workbook; God has given me that “Holy Pause!” Praise to The Lord. I desperately need Him to now deliver me from my stuffing and avoiding further hurts. I need God’s wisdom to discern what is a true boundary versus another rock on the wall that supposedly “protects” me. I am learning to dig deep; and to to really Trust in my God Almighty!!! Safety is not in the absence of danger; but in the Presence of The Lord!!!!
      Finding some deep weeds of bitterness, pride, judgemental attitudes and fear…
      Just like God has supernaturally given me that Holy Pause; I do believe He will give me clear Biblical boundaries that will honor Him.
      Alarmed, Jehoshaphat RESOLVED to inquire of The Lord…
      Thank you, Lysa for sharing God’s jewels with the rest of us Jesus girls!!!
      🙂

      Reply
  202. Pam

    I got exploder who then shames themselves.
    I agree with this but I can also be a stuffer who builds barriers. In fact, in the relationship I was thinking about I used to just stuff it and build barriers but I became desperate to make things better and tried to take care of issues as they were happening and then just move on but it only made it worse.
    Thanks!

    Reply
  203. lukithia evans

    I am an explorer that shames themselves. I can agree with this mostly but there are some specific relationships in which I am a stuffer that shames themselves.

    Reply
  204. Sara

    I received the exploder who shames themselves. I can agree with these results. In my marriage I will say what I need to say with no regard to what it might make my husband feel, in turn he gets even more angry and even more in his flesh then he was at the beginning of the argument, my actions prolong the fight and then after I have apologized 500 times for every little thing I did wrong its almost as if I continue to punish myself for days after the fight. I pray Jesus works this out of me to help our communication so we can avoid the fight all together and then my personal flogging can end! Love the Blog thank you!!

    Reply
  205. Dava

    I was exactly what I thought I would come out- stuffer who builds barriers. I have been so afraid of disappointing people my whole life and then of them leaving me if I did disappoint them. This has definitely been a struggle for me and one that I pray that will let go of me before I pass it on to my little girl! I ask for prayers in this area!! Thanks Lysa for listening to God and writing what He puts on your heart.

    Reply
    • Wendy

      Dava,
      What a beautiful and interesting name you have! I can so very relate to your concerns and I have to tell you, I have worked VERY HARD to help my children be better communicators than I am. Have faith and keep praying! It can be done. In fact, sometimes, my children tell me more than I’d like them too. 🙂 Oh well – no happy medium, I guess!

      Reply
  206. Wendy

    I am a stuffer who builds barriers, and I am not surprised. I’ve known this for a long time, and I have to work hard at putting myself and my feelings out there. I am easily emotional, and I do not like putting that face out there for others to see. Don’t like to call it what it is either, but… a pride issue it must be.

    Reply
  207. Dixie Raab

    Sometime I keep mad and not talk. I don’t know why I do that. When my husband gets mad he is quiet and he knows that upset me so I don’t know I do that. Praying for the Lord’s help today and always.

    Reply
  208. Melissa McQ

    I’m a stuffer who builds barriers. So true but I definitely see all 4 types in myself depending on who I’m dealing with.

    Reply
  209. Andrea Shirey

    Stuff who builds barriers…I need this book and would love to hear your insight on all of this!

    Reply
  210. Vonda Relander

    I am a little of all, but constantly trying to better myself with each passing day. I have just become a widow with 2 small children and I need my unglued moments to be less frequent. My whole life has been turned upside down and inside out, not to mention my kids. God is watching over us, I am only trying to hear his voice over everything else.

    Reply
  211. Stacey

    I am a stuffer who builds barriers. I thought of my relationship with my husband when I answered the questions. And I would have to say that does sound like me. I am looking forward to reading this book!

    Reply
  212. Jennifer

    Stuffer who build barries. I cannot handle confrontation. I will walk away from whatever situation and allow everyone to walk over me to avoid standing up and facing what I believe in.

    Reply
  213. veronica

    Lysa I’m a stuffer who builds barriers. 🙂 & it true everything that was said it true!! Rhis is awsome. Thanks lysa.

    Reply
  214. Kim

    I handle things well during the confrontation but have a meltdown after the “episode” is over.

    Reply
  215. Marcie

    I am an exploder who shames themselves. I need this book! I don’t want to hurt others with words. 🙁 Thank you for showing this to me! I am not going to let myself be labeled in the name of Jesus!

    Reply
  216. Chelsea Smith

    Exploder who blame others…I want to tell you that I was at the WOF conference in Las Vegas, Nv and you were amazing. You are beautiful, smart and really funny a great combination for a christian women. I spent most of the conference crying because I know I am the Exploder who blame others (mostly my husband) and I want to change. I am a baby christian about 16 months into this walk and I am changing sslloowwllyyyyy! I appreciate your daily posts on fb, they encourage me and help me. Thank you for being a part of my walk with Christ. 🙂

    Reply
  217. Lynn Ellis

    I think your assessment of me is right on. I do not like conflict and would rather just pull away. Sounds like I could really benefit from your book.

    Reply
  218. Roberta

    I am a stuffer who build barriers

    Reply
  219. Frances

    exploder who shames myself…I’m not surprised; this is something I’ve been praying for The Lord’s help, to grow and change for the better! thank you Lysa! God Bless you!

    Reply
  220. Deb

    A stuffer who builds barriers. It depends on who I’m with – there are some I feel safe with & will be okay. My sister is explosive & she was who I was thinking of. If I’d used someone else in mind, my answers would have been different. Would love to read the book!

    Reply
  221. Lori

    Exploder who shames themselves.I know I would get something different everytime I use a different relationship.

    Reply
  222. Melanie

    I got stuffer who builds barriers. Which I believe to be true but most of the time I blame myself for all that goes wrong in my relationships . I never believe that I am good enough so when conflict arises it must be my problem and then work to fix myself. I always seem to fail there how do I fix that.

    Reply
    • annie

      im the same way but i do explode because i feel like im being attacked then after i explode i blame myself for the whole mess i always tell myself theres something wrong with me that i need to fix.

      Reply
  223. Diki

    Stuffer who build barriers, thats me and I knew that after hearing you speak at Catalyst Dallas last week! Thank you Lisa for opening my eyes!

    Reply
  224. Shauna

    I am exploder who shames themselves. So true. Exactly what I thought I would be. 🙂

    Reply
  225. Tracy

    Stuffer who builds barriers … thats my result,
    but sometimes I explode and spew horrible words (depends on the person/relationship)
    that I regret and feel ashamed of …
    I seem to be multiple types of unglued 🙁

    Reply
  226. Sue

    Stuffer who collect retaliation rocks…
    I know I am a stuffer and I do not stand up for myself but rather look down and walk away from confrontation. My husband lashes out and then says I am done talking to you.
    I think this just reinforces my retaliation rocks although I keep those ‘rocks’ inside.

    Reply
  227. annie

    im a exploder that shames i totally agree

    Reply
  228. Barbie

    I’m an exploder who shames herself and also agree. Ugh!!

    Reply
  229. Jerry Hauser

    I have kept it in dangerously to long concerning my Daughter’s life, now I do not know what to do.
    I am trying to help my daughter, she is feeling so bad and I can not help her. I have been praying for 8 years through her divorce. She has 4 children the youngest was 5 at the time and the oldest was 13. Now the youngest is 13 and the oldest is 20. The x has made a position in life of money all the time my daughter supported him and family for 14 years all the while he had a very abusive personallity. Then after 14 years they divorced. He took charge of the children and has showered them with everything they want. All the time telling them all these years how horrible their Mother is. Now they are so angry with her that they all are so hateful towards her and treat her awful. She has stayed active in their lives every single day all these years, never missing anything. The toll is breaking her down now. She is so sad and loanly. She and her family live 8 hours away from me. she works long hours to make a modest pay. He gives her nothing. She does all she can for them she is with them everyday taking them to all their activies. If she can not do something they scream at her. I am not sure if God is hearing all my prayers after 8 years. Things have got worst. Beyond what I could have imangined. Her hurt is getting the best of her. I am afraid for her safety. I do not know what to pray anymore. My heart is braking with hers. I am feeling as lost as she is feeling.

    Reply
  230. Rikki

    I have just started your book Unglued. It is an answer to prayer. I need reign in my emotions especially the worse reactions that I have with my family- who I feel safe with. I thought I was the only one who struggled with this. It seems that everyone always has it together and that I am the only one with the problems. I can’t wait to finish the book.

    Reply
  231. tammy bruce

    exploder who shames themselves……..always thought I was a “stuffer” who wallowed in shame…hmmmm……

    Reply
  232. Gwen

    “Exploder who shame themselves” I didn’t think that was what I would be… hmmmm>? Maybe I didn’t consider the questions carefully enough. I find I get shut down quickly and don’t feel I get to present my side in a situation.. then I just hold it in.. thinking to myself that my feelings aren’t valued/important… thus continues the cycle. 🙁

    Reply
  233. Mary

    “Exploder!” I took the Assessment, but I didn’t get the results for some reason; however, I know from my answers that I am an “Exploder who shames themselves.” I say what I think, and then I feel just awful about how I hurt the other person. I then feel so guilty that I feel worse than I did originally. The hurt from whatever I exploded about, and then the hurt I caused the other person. It is definitely a journey to work on, but I know God is there with me and I try to seek comfort in Him to NOT be so quick to explode, but to clearly think about what it is that bothers me and try to communicate in a rational, not irrational, way with the person who is frustrating me! It isn’t easy, but I know I can do it with the tools God puts in my grasp such as “Unglued.”

    Reply
  234. Terri McCoy

    Stuffer who builds barriers: I just get so tired of dealing with the same situations over and over constantly. I don’t like to roll around in problems. I want to work out the problem and move on with life and it is very hard when others don’t seem to want to move on. It’s makes me an unhappy person to deal with for my children.

    Reply
  235. Becky

    I couldn’t read my results of the assessment quiz.
    Thank you

    Reply
  236. Riesa

    I’m a stuffer who builds barriers. I recently heard you talk at Camp of the Woods about how your reaction determines your reach. Your teaching in that seminar has been some of the most personally meaningful teaching I’ve received all summer. Thank you so much for your ministry!

    Reply
  237. Amber Gibson

    Stuffer who builds barriers … this is a perfect assessment.

    Reply
  238. modupe

    iam truly an exploder who shame themselves.I say things in my anger that I later regret.pls I need prayer concerning this issue.

    Reply
  239. Carol

    This surprized me in the fact that it was right on the mark. I am a stuffer who builds barriers. I knew some of these things about myself but not how to fix them. You said to focus on one person while answereing them and that was my husband. I love him very much but I don’t know how to talk to him at times. Its at these times that I become the stuffer who builds barriers. I never seem to know how to address issues we have. He also seems to be the one who is always right. Once in a while he will admitt he is in the wrong, but rarely. I want to please him and so I don’t go any farther with the conversation. I need Jesus to help me with this.

    Reply
  240. Darci

    I’m reading Unglued. Amazing – I just dropped a loved one off at the Dream Center LA yesterday. Thankful for Matthew Barnett and his willingness to remain in the flow. Thank you for sharing your experience with the Dream Center. Praying for God to do a mighty work. I’m really enjoying Unglued – it’s just what I needed at just the right time. Looking forward to the women of Saddleback studying your book this fall. <3 Bless you – Darci

    Reply
  241. sheila

    Exploder who blames others….not surprised, but have been trying to work on my weaknesses.

    Reply
  242. Lynn

    I am a stuffer who collects retaliation rocks although I tend to keep that all on the inside and use them to mentally justify my feelings. I’ve prayed so hard to deal with my relationships the right way and still struggle. I can remember every hurt from those I love even when I don’t want to.

    Reply
Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Let's Stay In Touch