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The Most Non-Crazy Woman I’ve Ever Met

March 20, 2013

After staring at a computer screen with nothing but a title for way too long, I’ve finally started writing my next book. It’s a crazy process for me. And one I can’t stand doing alone.

So, might you take a little peek into my world of words being strung together, thoughts getting sorted out, and a whisper of a book being formed?

If you would please, tuck your thoughts in a comment below. I’d love to hear how this speaks to you. And if you have any ideas for what you’d like to see covered in a book about helping women know when to say yes and how to say no, I’m all ears. And typing fingers.

And very grateful for smart blog friends.

She was knocking at my front door trying to balance her paper coffee cup, her purse, her cell phone, and a stack of papers. She was also trying to fix something on her shoe. She hopped a step or two when I answered the door.

I smiled. And although I had been feeling a little off kilter all morning, her imperfect posture delighted my mind. She smiled back and hopped one more time.

Finally, whatever was wrong with her shoe seemed to be fixed. She stood up and smiled with an apologetic smile that made me adore her before we’d ever had our first conversation.

She spent all day with my family and me. She was a reporter doing a story on our sons adopted from Africa. Her questions were honest and unassuming. Her demeanor kind. Her laugh delightfully loud. Her paperwork messy. But her focus clear.

She was there to uncover a story.

To write a string of words to tell a story.

That day was about the story.

So she stayed focused on the task at hand. She wasn’t encumbered with a thousand other things pulling at her. She didn’t try to multi-task too much. She wasn’t a slave to her cell phone. She wasn’t running late or running from one thing to the next.

She said no to everything else pulling at her. So she could say yes to the story. She gave it her best yes.

At the writing of this, I have no idea how well the story will turn out. But this woman who demonstrated a best yes that day left a lasting impression on my family for sure.

Later at dinner we asked the kids to go around the table and say one word to describe the reporter.

“Nice.”

“Humble.”

“Classy.”

“Elegant.”

“Humble.”

Then there may or may not have been an awesome little exchange from an older sibling to the youngest child, “You can’t say humble. I just said humble. You always want to copy what I have to say!”

I love family bonding.

But I really love the collective experience of this non-crazy woman. And the words my kids used to describe her.

We went on to ask the kids to explain what she did and how she carried herself that led us to use such great words to describe her. Then we turned the conversation.

“If you want people to use such great words to describe you, think about the decisions you are making. How are they leading people to describe you?”

Great descriptions are birthed from great decisions.

And there it was. A small beginning of a big thing to ponder. A clue that better decisions might help make better lives for the souls of women caught in craziness. Snagged. Worn out. Worn down. Ragged.

The decisions we make, make the life we live. So if we want to live better, we’ve got to decide better. Yes. No. The two most powerful words in the English language.

They can run us if we don’t intentionally run them. Guard them. Guide them. Use yes and no to work for us. Can you imagine how great life would be if you didn’t dread saying yes and felt completely and unapologetically empowered to say no?

Then and only then will our best selves emerge. And maybe you and I can start to be a little less crazy.

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378 Comments
  1. Barb Lange

    Oh Lysa, This is where I am at…*tear* I feel ragged, worn down and o so discouraged. This role called motherhood sucks every last bit of energy one person can have! I love what I am reading so far and will look forward to hearing more about the ‘yes’ and no’s of our lives!

    Reply
  2. teepee

    Cheering you on,Lysa…as with the Unglued series, you are in my house and head right now! Preach it, sistah!

    Reply
  3. Mona

    Your words – whether in books – devotionals or just your blog have the power to speak to women. You seem to understand and connect to who we are, where we are and what we are trying to do. Keep up the good work. I hope to eventually read your books but all that I have experienced so far is a good indication that they will most definitely touch my life where I am.

    Thank you.

    Reply
  4. Sarah

    “Great descriptions are birthed from great decisions.” I like that quote and want to remember it.

    Reply
  5. Shaunna Troop

    A very good friend of mine told me about three years ago that “No” is a complete sentence! Wow! What freedom that has given me! Before she shared this with me I might have told someone “no” but then explained for the next 10 minutes why I said no and on top of that, I would feel guilty about it! It took some practice, but I say “no” more often and “yes” to things that bring joy and happiness in my life and in my family’s life.

    Reply
  6. Elizabeth Absher

    Love it! YAY a new book in the works!! Looking forward to it!
    Unglued changed my life for the better in so many ways. I’ve given it as gifts to several people.

    Reply
  7. Alexandrea

    Lysa, seems like an interesting premise…I so wish that it was so simple, that yes and no define us! I love what you wrote, “The decisions that we make, make the life we live.” But does every decision break down to yes and no? Is it fair to boil seek boiling down God’s will to a yes or no? A family in my church that’s going to move to Mexico to serve as missionaries at an orphanage made a comment that stuck with me that seems to apply here: “Seek the Guide, not the guidance.” Holding tight to that right now, and eager to see how you weave this next story of your own!

    Reply
  8. Esther

    I struggled for many years to say no. I found that saying no gave me the freedom to say yes to the people and things that really mattered to me!
    Love the idea behind this next book, looking forward to reading it.

    Reply
  9. Cindy W

    Hi Lysa,
    I read something, don’t remember where but what stuck with me is the dangers of multi tasking. As a woman, we have so many different roles that we multi task, and the amount of things that we multi task are just crazy! When you multi task, your attention to details dwindle. Your reporter did a great job on not multi tasking, and it’s OK to not multi task with everything!

    Reply
  10. Ressa

    Lysa:
    I love the way you string words together; as if they are your random thoughts and God uses them to speak straight to the heart. I love the thoughts you wrote about the new friend in your life and know what you mean about being drawn to people who are just honestly being themselves.

    The thought about the decisions brings to mind the Robert Frost poem, The Road Not Taken. I love it and it speaks to the decisions we make. Take a look at it again!

    Please keep writing and speaking and sharing from your heart. You are truly being used of God to help your generation.

    Reply
  11. gina

    I tell this to my students at school all the time. I work with senior high school students. I always tell them it’s not fair that they have to make such life altering decisions at 17 years old, but with much thought and prayer, they can make the best ones! Decisions about college, their major, their spouse – I tell them all of these will determine the life they live five, ten, and even twenty years down the road.
    I also reflect on my own life. No, I didn’t always make the most prayerful decisions. I made a lot of decisions in the flesh – the easy or most pleasing way for me. Thank God He has guided and protected me!

    Reply
    • Raquel

      Gina – as a parent of a 17 yr old, I say thank you!! You may not be teaching my child but I appreciate you taking the time to not only teach academics but to also guide these young people. I pray your students listen to your prayerful words and consider them when making a decision.

      Reply
    • Cindy W

      Great advice! Love this!!!

      Reply
  12. lacinda

    WOW! yes, that’s it, WOW! 🙂

    Reply
  13. Leslie

    Our biggest flaw…..not living in the moment. How can we stay connected to God every moment when we are so distracted. One thing at a time….one task at a time…..one moment at a time…..and always with Jesus at our side. This is what I aim for!!!! It is such a struggle. But those around us need us to be “with” them, to show that they are important. God needs us to show others His tender love.

    Reply
  14. Melissa

    Hi Lysa – I enjoyed hearing you speak (& briefly meeting you in the lobby) at the Fresh Grounded Faith Conference in Waxahachie (TX) a few weeks ago.

    Great beginning to a new book! Here’s my thought on the Yes/No issue:
    Just because I said YES last time, doesn’t mean I have to say YES this time. I can think of so many times people assumed I was going to do something just because I did it the last time, but it’s ok for me to say NO. :>) (unless of course it’s my sister calling for me to teach another one of my nieces or nephews how to ride a bicycle without training wheels – that is my legacy LOL)

    Reply
  15. Barb

    Just on this post, I can’t wait to read the book! I know you have not quite written it yet, but I also know that God has 🙂
    Thanks for a perfect post for us unperfect women!

    Reply
  16. Anon

    Dear Lysa- Have you considered writing a book about healing after having an abortion? 25+ years later I still can’t forgive myself.

    Reply
  17. Nichole H

    I’ve had to say no a lot lately due to some health issues that probably escalated from too many yeses. You’d think that saying no would get easier, but it doesn’t. At least it hasn’t for me. I want to live up to my own reputation and I HATE letting others down…even if I haven’t really let them down. I’m learning that a lot of my personal value is found in what I can do and when I’m not doing I don’t feel valuable. Make sense? There have been a lot of prayers and tears shed over this season of no. If “no” is the cast I need to wear while my body heals, then it’s what I have to do…even when it keeps me from getting to do (for now) what everyone else is doing.

    Reply
    • Betty

      Nichole, I just wanted to tell you that you don’t have to feel bad by saying “no” God wants us to take care of ourselves first, otherwise how can we help others. I to have had some health issues that I have to say no to things, so I can understand where you are coming from. Most mportantly God wants us to do “what we can” “when we can” and sometimes that means saying “no” and taking care of ourselves. I pray that you will look deep inside yourself and see that God is continually using you even if you have to say no – He is just telling you that you are more important to him than the tasks others would like you to do. Keep your head up and put a smile on your heart and face and remember how much God loves you and will take care of you. Have a wonderful day and when you have to say no – just know that God is behing you 100% In Christ, Betty

      Reply
    • Vanessia

      Nichole, your comment “I want to live up to my own reputation and I HATE letting others down…even if I haven’t really let them down.” summarizes me too. Thank you for putting words to my feelings. I pray for healing and that your season of “no” is a short one.

      Reply
    • Debbie

      Nichole- I do believe we might be rowing in the same boat right now. I could have written exactly what you posted!

      Reply
    • Debbie

      Wonderful words Betty! I needed them too.

      Reply
    • Heather

      Dear Nichole,

      Thank you for putting into words what I have been struggling with right now. I am so sorry that you are going through health problems and I pray that God would bring you healing!

      I do get a lot of my self-worth from “doing”. When I say no, I too, feel like I am letting people down. God is teaching me that I need to say no more often and be satisfied in doing less right now. My focus needs to be God and my family…when that has become my new “normal”, then I will be able to say “yes” to more things, people, situations, etc. I is very hard to take a step back, but I feel God’s peace and I know that I am making the right decision. 🙂

      Reply
  18. Pam

    You and your writings are such a blessing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! love you! We’ll be discussing this devotional during supper tonight!

    Reply
  19. Sudi

    I totally agree with you. Decisions. No compromises. We must know who we are in Christ in order to be able to make the correct decisions. I didn’t say we would, but we are able if we know in Whom we get our identity. We really have to practice these decisions in our mind so that when life happens we make the correct choice. We are to honor God in all we do, so we must know God’s character, so that we can make the correct decisions. We must know God’s word. I find myself complaining about chronic pain, BUT, I must make the choice to complain or not complain. I especially don’t want to complain in front of women who I am attempting to be God’s blessing in their lives. This is a choice I must pray about, plan on, and ask God to speak through me. I choose to praise His name!!! I certainly make mistakes and I feel worse, however, that is my choice.

    Reply
  20. Betty

    Lysa, this speaks to me so much. All my life I have pretty much said yes to everything, even when I didn’t want to do it and let everyone and everything consume my life. Recently, I have learned to say “no” politely and felt good about setting boundaries with my family, friends, coworkers, church and others. It is okay to say “no” to somethings so long as you pray and speak to God for his guidance and leading. I jused to just instantly say yes, but now I ask for time to pray about the request and weigh everything based on what God wants me to do in my life. It has freed me up that I can focus on what God’s plan for me is and still do the things for his kingdom and people but with a willing heart instead of a begruding heart. I want to thank God for giving you a beautiful heart and soul for women and being able to touch us where we life. Thank you so much for your books and yoru emails – I look forward to them and am excited to what you will reveal to me about yourself and how it matches up with how I am feeling or what is going on in my life tht day. Thank you and God Bless you for your ministry. Betty

    Reply
  21. Tess Gillaspy

    Oh my word! Will this book be out by next spring? I would love to have this be the subject of next years Ladies Retreat. – This year we are covering Unglued. All around me lately I see the consequences of every “yes” and every “no” Why is it (or seem to be) harder for women to say “no?’

    Reply
  22. Colleen

    I just loved this story and can relate to dropping everything to focus on one thing. That one thing is usually my children. I say yes to my kids and no to housework. Needless to say my house is a wreck. Any words of wisdom how to work, take care of family and have a clean house?? I would love to find a great solution if it is possible!

    Reply
    • Heather

      Hi Colleen,

      I have been in your stop and I know how frustrating it is! How old are your children? I have four, ages 15, 13, 12, and 9. They are all responsible for certain chores that are done weekly. They are the ones that vacuum the downstairs, dust the furniture and clean the bathrooms on a weekly basis. I show them how I want the chores done and check back after to make sure they did it right. I know the chores won’t get done “exactly” as I would do them, but it certainly takes a load off my shoulders and teaches them responsibility…they will have to clean their own houses some day. 🙂

      I also have my kids start doing their own laundry when they start 6th grade. Now I have three of my kids doing their own laundry…it REALLY helps! It also teaches them that they need to think about what they are going to wear sooner than right before school…I try not to rescue them. They are also responsible for cleaning their own rooms (dusting and vacuuming).

      Now, I still have to remind them to do their chores and that gets frustrating at times. But in having them contribute to the care of our house, I am hoping to get rid of the “entitled” feeling that the world teaches them is normal.

      I pray that you will be able to find a way to make time for both your children and your house. 🙂

      Reply
  23. Elizabeth

    As women, we are often ‘pleasers’. What would other women think of us if they are far busier than we appear and can ‘do it all’? How can we say, “No”. I have found it helpful to write a goal or purose statement (new each year/season of life). This helps us make our yes, yes and our no, no. It also doesn’t let anyone ‘guilt” me into a worthy activity. There are many ‘worthy’ things to occupy my time; but that doesn’t mean it is meant for ME. I must make sure it is in line with my priorities: my God, my husband, my children, my church, my career.

    Reply
  24. Kris

    I would live to know how to better discern when I am being given an opportunity to say yes to something that God has placed before me OR when it’s okay to say no. As a Christian woman, I struggle a lot with this concept. I am a volunteer by nature, but sometimes I need to do a better job of saying no for myself and my family.

    Reply
  25. April

    I often feeling crazy and out of focus. Trying to home school 3 kids with a toddler running, feed us nutritious meals, keep the house so it looks like something didn’t explode in the dinning room, etc… I often feel so ragged, and honestly…out of control! I just had to re-evaluate what we were doing because I was trying to remedy the home school mommy guilt by involving my kiddos into way to many activities so very little focused school was getting done. It means choosing to say NO to me even though I really did want to go and do something just to get out of the house.

    This line really stuck out to me, “Great descriptions are birthed from great decisions.”

    Reply
  26. Jennifer Himes

    Lysa,
    I’ve gotta say how very much I love how you let the Lord lead you! Thank you! When I read your Facebook posts, and your emails and even the day I heard you speak at a ladies day at Olivet it felt as though I had know you for forever and you were speaking right to me! 🙂
    This book you have started is already speaking to me! ~ I am a stay at home mom and I babysit in home. Besides my 2 yr old and my 8 yr old I have 7 other kids! Oh my heavenly daises ( I got that from you ) not all al the same time, but enough. I have had many other ask if I could also watch their children and I always, no matter how insanely crazy things already are, dread, and feel awful telling them no! That is probably why I watch 7 children besides my own two and not just 2 or 3.
    So again thank you for going where God leads! 😀

    Reply
  27. Vanessia

    I love how honest and real you are. Yes PLEASE tell me how to say no and not feel guilty. Thank you for sharing you wonderful insight and lessons learned with the rest of us. Bless you.

    Reply
  28. Pam

    Thank you for writing this book! I am looking forward to it!

    Reply
  29. Debbie

    Why is frazzled, unglued… the universal feeling of so many women? And why do we struggle when make decisions to help ourselves get un crazy? am in a time of trying to get myself put back together physically and mentally. A spiral down from some post op physical pain of 18 mths, some huge job stress and all crashing on me and I finally threw up my white flag. I am taking a 7 week leave from work which was a very hard choice to make as I struggled with feeling selfish and whimpy from walking away from a toxic situation. But crying like a bluddering nut at work isn’t pretty either! Through counseling I have realized self preservation and selfish are not the same. I am working through the question of Is it time to retire? (31 years in school system so I can retire). Again I struggle with the feelings of retiring a few years earlier than I planned. Now the choice of health vs wealth. Sanity vs wealth… And the nagging fear of the worry that if I do choose to go home will I regret my choice and so the cycle of choices and consequences continues! How do we stop the cycle of let your yes be yes and your no be no and then put the worry of regret of wrong choices to rest? I know all the right things to do to stop the cycle… Knowledge isn’t my problem. application is! Praying for direction for choices and clarity of mind and the ability to think it through but not over think it ( I am the Prez of the overthinker club) Until I get to an emotionally neutral state of mind I sit in indecision.

    Reply
  30. Betty

    Lisa,
    I am a mom of seven. Six boys and one daughter. My father-in-law, who happens to be my husbands step father, has always told my children as they were growing up, “life is all about choices”. We make good decisions and bad decision, but they all have consequences for us and those close to us. I have found this to be a very profound statement and frequently dwell on it when I have to choose. It helps me to see the big picture and understand how my choices affect myself and those I love. Prayer helps me stay grounded and have an inner peace when my mind is racing with all that life throws at me.

    Reply
  31. Carissa Huffman

    I believe this is a monumental and universal issue for women. We are so wired to say “yes” to everything and everyone, we feel like we don’t really have a choice. We feel guilty if we say “no”.

    I really can relate–feeling trapped or feeling guilty–neither is good. It can be a rut that causes a lot of stress and a lot of relationship issues.

    I think we all want to be that non-crazy woman!

    Blessings–you have earned many!
    Carissa from eastern Iowa

    Reply
  32. Nancy L.

    Well, Honey, I don’t have any wisdom to share, but I’m praying God gives you words and that you type quickly. I need this. I’m tired of being described as frazzled, scatter-brained, etc. (mostly by those rude people in my head). I wish I could stop multi-tasking and just FOCUS. Thanks for doing what you do! Cheering you on from Florida.

    Reply
  33. Lucy Sanguinetti

    In 1983, I stood on a stage in Biloxi, Mississippi as one of 69 young ladies competing for the title of “Mississippi’s Miss Hospitality”. I made the top 5, and had to draw a question out of a bowl and answer it on stage. My questions was, “If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?”…..My answer was, “I would simply like to have the ability to say ‘NO’ instead of agreeing to do everything! When I say yes to too many things and spread myself too thin, I do an injustice to all of them, because none of them end up getting my best efforts. I would like to be able to prioritize and only do the things that are important or that I know I will be able to give my best efforts in completing. That way, no one has to lose because it wasn’t done right or done well.”…..That question won me the title of “Mississippi’s Miss Hospitality”, eventually landed me a wonderful job in the Tour and Travel Industry, and I have trie to apply it to my life!!

    Reply
  34. Helen

    I think this is a great start… I love the topic, it is one many women struggle with. I’ve seen friends looking frazzled because of the many “yes’s” they spoke and feeling way over committed. I read once about how most of the activities we are involved in as Christian women are good things. But the question to ask is it is a “good thing” or a “God thing”… the “God thing” will be specifically designed for us to partake in and the good thing, we may just have to say “no” to… so we are free for all the “God things” He has planned for us. I have a friend who just recently started saying “no” and she is feeling the peace and having the time to just be in His presence. And loving every minute of it. Praying God would guide your every step (and every key stroke) as you move forward with this topic. Many blessings from India.

    Reply
  35. Julia Gordie

    A I get older, my children get older, and my walk with God continues to grow, I think as women we need to be able to know its ok to make our families our ministry in life. God called us to raise these beautiful blessings up right, He gave us husbands that need us to love and nurture them. As women we need to know its OK to say No to all the committees, friends, church activities even and say Yes to our most prized blessing God has given us as women, mothers, wives and that’s our families. Raising our children is only a season in our life and we need to know that choosing them is what God blessed us with them for.

    Reply
  36. Amber

    I am undergoing this lesson right now. I have said yes to about everything my Pastor or his wife ever asked me to do…even though it was not a calling. I didn’t want to tell them no or hurt feelings because they thought I would be good in that certain area. I know now that one of the things I am doing is not in my gifts…so I have been praying about how to approach them to ask them to find someone else to fill the roll. I am learning very slowly in my life now to pray, pray, pray before saying yes. Wish I would have learned this 20 years ago when I asked the Lord into my heart as Savior. Would have saved me a lot of stress. Looking forward to the new book…Loved Unglued!!!

    Reply
  37. Bettysaz

    Lysa…I have to share what a very wise Christian woman told me when I first began walking with the Lord…God doesn’t mean for you to say “yes” to everything you are asked to do. He may have that “blessing” planned for someone else, not you! And if you say “yes” … so you don’t feel guilty by saying “no”…then you are actually stealing someone else’s blessing! That was wonderful advice and so freeing. I still can hear Janet’s words today…38 years later!

    Reply
  38. Monica mcCaskill

    I went to a teaching by pastor Joel Stockstill of Bethany church in New Orleans. He said something that struck me. I guess because its always been a struggle for me.
    He said, “the older women have failed to teach the younger women how to do ministry with kids.”
    He went on to say that women refrain sometimes from doing ministry because of their children. Yet his mom, chose to take them To everything. He noted there is surely a balance to be kept here but still made it sound possible. I see women around me who seem to be able to handle this, you Ms. Lysa being one of them. So my question is HOW??? I need someone to teach me!!! This would be something I would like to read about! 🙂 thank you!

    Reply
  39. Laurie Fletes

    Lysa, This is the book I need!!!! I’m not able to work right now because of chronic pain and health problems, but since I am home, everyone constantly asks me to help. I feel so guilty if I say no, so I exhaust myself physically and mentally. Just this week I babysat, dogsat, volunteered in my daughter’s class, worked at the school book fair, am working on getting sponsors for a dance production, was the greeter at church, and next week is equally booked. I dread it! My mom was the same way. She did free daycare and school carpool for all the working moms in our neighborhood and church because she felt guilty if she said no. Help!!! We need your wisdom. Thank you for deciding to write another book!

    Reply
  40. Dolores E. Torres-Green

    Oh Lysa….friend..I can share more input with you after my heart settles and tears stop flowing…absolutely beautiful….so remarkably “humbled/broken”..let me tend to tears and talk later..Love and Hugs to ALL of YOU..Dee ♥

    Reply
  41. Cathy

    Wow, Lysa! I hope I’m not off topic, but just this morning the speaker at our Bible study shared a paraphrase from a book…I think by NT Wright..speaking of the importance of our virtues/decisions. She referenced Captain Sullenberger and his ability to land his plane in NY harbor…all the many huge decisions he had to make in a short time under extreme pressure and how his ability to do so was more than likely from the reservoir of good small decisions he’s made over the previous 20-30 years. This is a horrible paraphrase of a paraphrase but I think I got the gist of it! Yes, the decisions we make, make the life we live.

    Reply
  42. Julie Sunne

    This will be a great book, Lysa! I can tell already just from the few words you penned (typed) here! My question is how do we practically say no to all the good things that are out there to do for others and the Kingdom?

    Reply
  43. stephanie

    The hardest part of “no” for me is the guilt i feel most of the time especially when it’s something ministry related or something i do well.

    have been reading your books for years. i have a group of gals that do each of your bible studies. keep up the good work!

    Reply
  44. Brittany Brown

    Love it!
    My thoughts/questions are these:

    What makes it harder for some women to say no? Is it our personality type?

    How do you say no without causing conflict?

    Reply
  45. Sherry

    I am a people pleaser who used to say yes to everything. Qualified or not. Called by God or not. Some things left me filled with such joy at how well they turned out and others left me feeling so inadequate. What I realized is that God did not equip me to do everything, therefore He did not call me to do everything. So I have learned to take time to pray about it. I can say no (at times) now and know that is for a greater good. Maybe my plate has been too full and I know that one more thing will cause my family to suffer. Maybe there is someone else that God has called. But, I have also learned to listen more to when God says to say yes. Even when it is out of my comfort zone. Even when saying no would be so much easier. I still struggle with feeling guilty when I say no to someone. But for my sanity (and those around me) I have had to learn boundaries and limits.

    Reply
  46. Bridgette

    I hope someday we can meet in person. This topic is so applicable to my life. I can so relate to the mom who’s house is destroyed because she’s said “yes” to the kiddos instead of housework. That’s me, but then I feel guilty for neglecting our home. And then our jobs in which we aren’t always able to say “no” to that can cause additional stress on our time even though it’s providing for the family. My family is working very diligently to become debt free, so this season of our lives is busy with extra jobs to pay off poor past decisions. So, I almost feel like I’m saying yes and no at the same time for the benefit and future of our family. It can be so confusing and overwhelming.

    I would love to hear more on how the yes’es and no’s fit in with prioritizing what’s most important…our walk with the Lord, quiet time, Bible Studies, kids, husbands, family time, fur children (pets), jobs, finances, household duties, aging relatives, etc. Everything is important, so what do I say “no” to and how do I delegate enough to feel like we have balance????

    I will be waiting as patiently as possible for this new book!

    Reply
  47. Kathy Spade

    Lysa,
    Thank you! Words I certainly needed to hear today. You are truly a gifted writer and speaker! You have caused me to ponder, pray and reevaluate my yes and no!

    Reply
  48. Margaret

    So far, I love what I’m reading. I love the way you write.

    Reply
  49. Juli Rudd

    One word to describe Lysa…real. I appreciate that about you!

    Reply
  50. cindy

    I cannot wait to hear the rest of the story. BTW, our family bonding time is much like yours.

    Reply
  51. Rebecca Portteus

    Focus. It is greatly lacking in my heart and mind at times. Young children cause my fatigue levels to be high, so if I am not prepared to joyfully serve myself and my family first, I feel out of control and overwhelmed. A singular focus on God helps me to make decisions that keep the craziness to a minimum. I love the picture of your experience. Thank you for sharing!

    Reply
  52. Janet

    Wow, Lysa. You always nail these ideas!!! I am hooked already. I am so thankful that God has used you to communicate on my level. Can’t wait to get the email that this has hit the publisher!!!

    Reply
  53. Abby Shaffer

    Great post and comments! Life can really swallow you up and space you out if your “yesser” is stuck in the “on” position. I, too, hate to tell people no. Ministry is my full-time job (at least for another week or two), and there are so many side gigs that people expect to see you attend. All during Lent, there are Sunday evening services in our local Churches of the Brethren (my denomination). My town also has Wednesday evening services which are ecumenical and spread across town. I’ve only gone to the one Sunday night service, at which I was the speaker! And I’ll go this Wednesday, because it’s at my church. But people expect me to be at all of them! For me, attending these things is usually a downer. And so I protect my time and my heart by not going.
    I guess for me – I have to ask, “Will doing this advance Christ’s Kingdom?” “Will doing this empower me or drain me?” And of course, taking the advice of my husband, I have to ask – am I trading the great for the good? There are many “good” things we can do. But do we miss the great things because we are so mired in the merely good? Now, great does not equal big. We can do very great things in the small tasks of life. As Mother Teresa said, “…For there are many people who can do big things. But there are very few people who will do the small things.”
    And maybe, just maybe, when you try to do EVERYthing, you are stripping an opportunity from someone else who would love to get involved, but who sees no available space. So ease back, train up & equip, then let someone else serve.

    Just some thoughts – happy writing!

    Reply
  54. Patty

    I have a ladies group within my home and were starteing your serious, what happens when women say yes to GOD! Which we are very excited to start…I do not have children at home anymore, but still have children! A Mothers ministry is not ever done…
    I enacourage you to join other Moms, but also to group with ones who have no children at home…the mix is good and wisdom is there…Even though we are in a different culture. God’s words do not change….
    Proverbs 3: 5&6 went with tat message I heard today…We need to KNOW our God…and LEAN upon him for he will direct us in the path to go…
    Blessings,
    Sister In Christ!

    Something I heard this morning preached regurding trusting…No matter what situation were facing…but the quote that stuck with was, he said when God says no He has a btter yes awaiting to follow…

    Reply
  55. Christine Marie

    Lysa, your blog today is quite ironic. Just this morning I was listening to my favorite morning show and one of the topics was about women in leadership and working Moms and stay at home Moms, etc. They brought up the recent book put out by the female Executive of Facebook, which from what I hear is sort of a “how to be more successful” in the workplace specificly for women. They also brought up an article with the opposing view telling women it’s ok to be stay at home Mom’s, etc, and the panel discussion was very interesting. They went on to talk about role models and equality between men and women and more. I felt a little sad after as it seems that the media and society puts more and more pressure on women. How many women listened to that broadcast this morning and began questioning the decisions they have made? Not that I expected them to bring Christ into the conversation but that’s exactly my point. We as women need more positive role models who are willing to put themselves out there expressing their faith and willing to say that Jesus is the center of their lives. I feel like somewhere along the way the roles of women have become tangled because of outside pressures. Women (and men) need to look to the Bible for guidance for every decision and learn how to leave the guilt behind.

    Reply
  56. Linda G

    My daughter who works full time now (ahh, such a proud mom moment!) often finds lunch time to “chat” with mom. As we sit in our separate offices, miles apart, facing the day, we have started having wonderful, deep chats regarding many different aspects of life. We have been chatting about forgiving someone close in our life that we have STRUGGLED to forgive for several years now. The decision to “let it go” is not often easy, but something is just pulling at both of us that we do HAVE to decide to let it go, so that we can ALL move on. And move on together again? Not necessarily. Deciding to forgive and forget this someone, doesn’t mean we have to be best friends or even close again. But there does need to be closure for the acts of the past. Ahh, decisions, decisions. What speaks in your heart? Be sure to listen for God to tell you what’s right!

    Reply
  57. Rosalyn Barrett

    A wise friend of mine told me years ago as she tried to encourage me to not allow guilt to entangle me in its web, “No, is an anointed word,” and “Practice saying it when you’re by yourself.” So I’ve adopted as well the phrase, “I’ll get back with you on that,” which saves me embarrassment to answer on the spot and allows me opportunity to seek God for wisdom about my commitments. Like all habits these take time, sweat & of course making mistakes to put into practice.

    Reply
  58. Jill Bryant

    My husband always tells our 16 year-old son (who is also adopted), “We make our decisions, then our decisions make us.” We are trying to instill in him that EVERY decision he makes, no matter how insignificant it may seem at the time, is important. It shapes who he is and how he’s perceived. And it IS important.

    Reply
  59. Allison C Bayer

    Wow, what a great post on you and your family’s observation of the reporter when she entered your world; your home. I come back to “Your Reaction Has Reach” from Unglued. I believe our decisions have reach no only for ourselves, but those around us. For me, food choices, staying focused on the task at hand and not being distracted by the world by simply saying “no” in my head or out loud if necessary. As I close in on the big 50 this year, a shift in my thinking is taking hold and setting boundries has become a priority. It is about time!!

    Reply
  60. Lindsay

    Empowered to say No. Wow – I’m not sure what that would feel like, to be honest! I am a “yes” girl all the way! Make cookies for a fundraiser? Yes! Help out at a retreat? Yes! Lead a bible study? Yes! Yes! Yes! Most of these times, the only thing I do before giving my response is to look at my schedule and if it’s free, I’m there. I feel terribly guilty saying no, so I rarely do. Even if I have a prior engagement, I still feel bad saying no. And saying no when my schedule is free? That never happens. BUT – I also admit to feeling worn out and ragged. What’s the fine line of knowing when to say yes and when to say no?

    Reply
  61. anonymous

    over twenty years ago I said yes when I should have said no. I married someone knowing deep, deep down I loved someone else. But, my mother said, everything is planned, everyone is invited, everyone is here. I regret now not having the will to walk away from that man that day and to go to my best friend and tell him how I felt. It changed our lives forever.
    How do we know if the decision is right, if God keeps sending us signs then we must pay attention. We have to pay attention to our burning bushes that may not be so obvious.

    Reply
  62. Amy

    My husband and I were both single well into our thirties. After getting married, we ran ourselves ragged trying to do all the things that we had each done before marriage, basically doubling our “load”. We didn’t want to let anyone down and ended up letting eachother down instead. Self-imposed, destructive, GUILT. Five years later, we have finally learned (the hard way) that we just can’t do everything, be everywhere and make everything. And we shouldn’t try to. Sounds obvious and simple, but it wasn’t. When my husband and I say “yes” to too many things, discontent grows and evil smiles. And I believe evil is that subtle.

    Over the last few years I’ve found that dividing my focus makes everyone feel unimportant…the same way that running late makes the person waiting for you feel unimportant. Have you ever seen a couple out to dinner and one of them is on their phone, talking or texting the entire time, while the other person just sits there? There’s no eye contact, no real conversation or time together. It’s just checking a box off that another commitment has been met, but they’re not truly present. It’s so common. And so sad. Who the heck wants to be just another commitment?!

    Reply
  63. Amber F.

    There is one absolute truth about hard workers…they get more work. Every notice that everywhere you go (church, school, work…) it seems the same small group of people do all the work. Sure, there is often ample praise that goes along with it, but sooner or later it’s not enough. Nearly 7 years ago, our pastor of 31 years stepped down from the pulpit and filed for a divorce from his wife. During a tear-filled “business” meeting, where several of the members were literally ready to tar and feather him in the town square, his wife stood up and said, “today is our 34th wedding anniversary…31 of those 34 years were given entirely to you…we gave it all to you…” If we always say “YES” then we are constantly feeding the hungry without ever getting fed ourselves, and pretty soon you find yourself starving like those who have never known the bread of life before. If you are already so busy that you cannot find the time to spend a few quiet moments with God each day, you are already fasting and headed for starvation.

    But he answered, “It is written, “‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’” Matthew 4:4 ESV

    Reply
  64. Christy

    The title of your book, “The decisions we make, make the life we live”, brings to mind a time in my life when I had set my sights on a man (yes, I am single…16 years and counting). He was a Christian, I am a Christian – so what was the problem?
    Each time I would pray and ask God to please bring us together I heard a quite emphatic and resounding “NO!”. It was an answer I neither liked or accepted.
    I forced a type of relationship anyway, and eventually ended up with a terrible broken heart. And a valuable lesson learned. When God says No, there is a great reason for it.
    That was several years ago, but I have not forgotten. The life I live now is not lived by my choices, but rather God’s. I am currently dating a most wonderful man, who God has stamped with a big “YES”. Imagine if I had stuck with the choice I was trying to make on my own??
    Can’t wait for the rest of your book!

    Reply
  65. Theresa Clark

    Such very wise words – as usual. I think having too many “good” things to say yes to is one of satan’s greatest ploys. Then we feel guilty when we really should say no because we are letting people down. And no woman wants to ever do that. So, we’d rather let ourselves down. Which can put such a strain on our health – mental, spiritual and physical. And all those things to say yes to are major distractions from really hearing what God wants us to say yes to. If we can only learn that through Him comes the power to be focused and not feel guilty over saying no….because He will lead us to what we really need to say yes to. I am still struggling in learning this. Some days are better than others. But on those days when there are many things to say yes to – don’t they all look so good! – I need to listen the Spirit’s restraining voice and hand because it is for my own good. Ah, an imperfect work trying to make progress!

    Reply
  66. Jane F

    Wow, I will be the first in line for this book. It’s so easy to get engulfed in doing to the point where you just exist. Even good, wonderful things become one more thing to get through. God certainly didn’t create us to exist. Why do we let our blessings become burdens?

    Reply
  67. Marilyn

    Lysa, this is a wonderful post. Everyone needs to learn how to say both yes and no – it took me a long time to realize how saying yes to everything was affecting my family. My children are now in their mid to late 30s, but I remember the years of always saying yes to whatever someone asked of me. It had lasting negative effects on my children. We each have the power to say no – my hope is that young mothers really see this and learn to use it. There is a time for yes and a time for no.

    Reply
    • Heather

      Thank you Marilyn for you honesty regarding how our saying “yes”, effects are children. We, as mothers, need to make sure that we are saying “yes”for the right reasons…with peace from God.

      Reply
  68. Holly Orman

    Lysa,
    Life IS all about decisions. Everyday we can make good ones or bad ones. While all these “yes’s” may be for good reasons, they may not be good decisions. If we could understand that the “no’s” open the door for the things that we are to say YES to, God will use those fewer “yes’s” for bigger purposes. This book is sure to be applicable and much needed in the life of so many women. Get writing girl! May God bless your decision to say YES to another book and may He guide your written words.

    Reply
  69. Ginger

    I know how to say yes. I am a yes person, which leads to not having the time to do my basic tasks as a wife and mom. I need God’s strength to say no but there is a part of me that feels like saying no to one additional week in the nursery is saying no to Him. And since I am always trying to do my best for Him (can we say works oriented?) I always say yes. I’m thrilled you are tackling this issue. Every woman I know feels this tension. Thank you for writing about how God’s word touches down in our lives today, it’s wonderful!

    Reply
  70. Dale McMasters

    Oh Lysa, why do we never feel we must explain to the other person when we say yes to them, but invariably we feel if we say no we must give an explanation of why we are saying no. I’m 71 years old and have just in the last ten years discovered it is all right to say, “No, I can’t do that at this time, thanks for asking.” Then go on with my life without explaining why I can’t at this time. It is very empowering!

    Reply
  71. Sharman Strode

    WOW!!! Could you get that book out in print yesterday????? LOL. I have always said yes to everything. I am Type A all the way and never seem to think that no is an option. I just keep going and going like the energizer bunny…….so who suffers? My husband because he is quiet and supportive. But he finally spoke up and I listened. We decided that this would be the year to say no. So far since Jan. 1, 2013…..I have said no 4x’s. It is kind of sad that I can count how many times…..but baby steps…..baby steps. I still felt bad because I didn’t feel like I had a good enough reason. But I am trying to choose husband and family over checking off another thing on my to do list. I try to carve out 1 hr. every evening for just being present with my family instead of in the kitchen baking, cleaning, vacumming, sewing, going to meetings or being somewhere else to help someone else. I am finding rest and restoration…..

    Reply
  72. Laura

    Lysa, I love it. As my life progresses (too fast) I realize that it is so important to slow down and TRUST God in the daily decisions I make. I saw this quote once: “Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.” ~ Lao Tzu. Even though it probably does not come from a Christian base it spoke to me so much about something God may be teaching us since he has given us the gift of trees, mountains, flowers etc…. God has everything under control and we (me) need to believe and trust in that and look to him for all guidance and not live these crazy rushed lives.

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  73. Angela

    Wow. This was just exactly what I needed to hear right at this moment in life. Thank you for listening to God’s whispers and shouts. Thank you for letting Him bless us through your work.

    Reply
    • Teresa Hartaell

      I agree, Angela! Just what I needed to hear as well! Within the past year or so, I have been more focused on my spiritual life (never to late) & one thing that has really hit me is how others would describe me if they didn’t know me. Do I as a daughter of my Father God reflect the way He would want? It is a work in progress!

      Reply
  74. Chelsea Schopper

    Lysa, I think I could co-author this book with you! This exact topic is one that I have been working on personally for the past 2 years….23 months to be exact :-). The first step for me was to ask myself some very tough questions….WHY? Why do I say yes to everything????? Each time I said yes, it was usually for a slightly different reason but mostly it was because I was flattered by someone trusting in me to “do the job” which fed into my pride and in turn gave me a sense of worth. I had to pray, and still do every time that I am now asked to do anything before I just answer YES. Initially it was hard to say no, however, the weight of being over loaded and drained was now a feeling of energy that I could use to praise and gave me the ability to do what God really wants me to do. I have to say, though that the hardest part of saying no, is saying no at church, we have to remember that we can become overloaded serving even in God’s Kingdom and when we do this we can become spiritually drained. We need to make sure that we are being filled up spiritually and sometimes it means to say NO to make sure we take care of our selves too.

    Reply
  75. Tenderrlee Little

    The older I get the more I choose to walk the narrow path with Christ, because I feel so more connected with Him when I walk in his path, I never realized that others noticed until one day a group of women in a more secular setting were talkng about a friend who needed a Bible and asking where they might get her one and they all turned and looked at me at the same time. I smiled and told them I had one to spare. I like being the go to for God Girl!

    Reply
  76. Chrissy

    I am, without a doubt, a “yes” person. To the point of exhaustion, irritation, and frustration. But I want to help, isn’t that what God would want me to do? Well, sometimes, I think God does want is to say “no” and focus in on our little hub, rather than the whole village! As moms, we have a mentality that we can and should do it all, but at what cost?
    “I’m exhausted and can’t play right now sweetie.”
    “I’m so irritated that this is taking so long.”
    “I’m so frustrated that you want juice while I’m trying to bake for moms group.”
    It happens to the best of us! Our intimate loves get to do with what’s left once we finish our “yes’s” for everyone else. Learning to say “no” and focus on what God has committed to us would be a wonderful lesson to learn!

    Reply
    • Sheila

      Chrissy, I wish I had learned what you are learning when my children were young–or even when they were in high school. In fact, I am now in my mid-50s and still trying to learn to say no. In trying to do for everyone and trying to please everyone, the ones closest to us sometimes get left behind. As my pastor, Craig Groeschel, said, “We can’t please everyone, but we CAN please God. We need to live for an audience of One.” I am trying to focus on pleasing God and in so doing, make His priority MY priority. I wish you the best!

      Reply
  77. Crystal G

    “The decisions we make, make the life we live”….love this! And it is so very true! I look forward to read more of what’s on your heart. Right now I’m reading your Unglued Devotional. Thank you for sharing and caring in God’s love!

    Reply
  78. Lainie G.

    Lysa, all your posts seem to meet me head on, right when I need to hear what is from your heart. What bothers me about the Yes, No, problem (a problem I have been fighting most of my life) is that I find myself telling an untruth (fib, ‘white lie’, just plain ole’ lie) just so I Will Not Hurt My Other Friends’ Feelings.) EX: Have you heard from so and so…? My answer, after just hanging up with so and so, No, I haven’t…what’s up? I do this so other friend will not get her feelings hurt that so and so called me and not her. Is this crazy or what??? This is just one small example of the power of Yes and No in my life…I find it almost impossible to say those two words. Thanks for listening.

    Reply
  79. Donna

    Lysa- What an important! subject. In an age of opportunity- we christian women ‘opportunity’ our self to death. I must say that I think being a stay at home mom breeds ADD. We learn to multitask in order to survive. At 50 I began to try to undo the damaged parts of my brain and learn to focus again. I hope you can speak God’s wisdom to some younger women. I can’t help think of the Psalms that tells us to, ‘Be still, and know that I am God.’ Oh, how I wish I had learned this when I was younger. I don’t know if I have any comments except hooray! Tell it like it is. Prioritize! God. Husband, Family, community. We weave them all together and when it’s done with Godly wisdom we weave a beautiful, peaceful tapestry.

    Reply
  80. Jennifer C

    Right up my alley, as always.

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  81. Jill

    I have been trying something new relating to this topic of saying yes or no. Instead of giving a yes or no answer off the top of my head, I have been replying with, “let me pray about it and get back to you.” Then I do exactly that. If I find excitement and true peace in my heart about the matter at had then I know it is well with God and I say yes. If I do not feel excited about the matter at hand and do not have peace about it then I know this is something God would rather not have me doing and that he has other exciting, peaceful plans for my time and talents. This has been working very well for me (and God). God’s Blessings to you Lysa as you write your new book.

    Reply
  82. Mary B

    Thank you for writing another book… I eagerly look forward to how uses your life and words to speak to us again. I am a fan of this conversation He has with us via you! 🙂

    Reply
    • Mary B

      that should has how GOD uses your life and words to speak to us!

      Reply
  83. April

    I am so excited about this book! I find it incredibly difficult to say no. I struggle tremendously with disappointing others and with appearing as if I don’t care. As your story illustrates, saying no often conveys that someone does truly care. The biggest reason I say yes when I don’t want to is the fear of what might happen if I say no.

    Reply
  84. Melissa

    I need so much help saying no to something right now. I am neglecting my family responsibilities yet I feel like I’m stuck. I need biblical guidance!

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  85. Krystal

    I love it! Maybe geared towards us moms or dialed down a little and geared towards and emerging woman a teenager struggling with choices.

    Reply
  86. melissa

    Wow… so many thoughts running through my mind. I know people who are “yes” people all the time and are consequently always complaining about how busy they are. There was a couple in a Bible study group I was in years ago who would always ask for prayer at prayer request time. They would always say, “Pray that God would show us how we can slow our lives down a little and not be so busy.” Well, either they didn’t listen to God or perhaps God feels the speed of their lives is acceptable because they never changed. Twelve years later, they are still complaining about how busy their lives are and I think they will be that way forever.

    I, on the other hand, have the opposite problem sometimes. If it involves a mess or time that I don’t feel I have, I can be more of a “no” person. And I’ve challenged myself in the last couple of years to try to say “yes” to more things… especially when it comes to my kids. “Mommy? Can we play with playdough?” (I do not like playdough… it makes crumbs all over my floor and I have to clean it up and there are always several cans that are dried out and then I have to add a couple of drops of water and it makes it slimy until the water has soaked in and made the playdough pliable again…) So often times I find an excuse and tell them “no.” But I realize this is selfish. So what if I have to sweep up playdough crumbs and wash my slimy hands? This is something simple that will bring joy to my children. So more often than not, I have said, “Yes.” And I have survived. 🙂

    So I think it goes both ways… there needs to be a balance between yes and no. And we need God’s wisdom and the Spirit’s whisper to tell us when we need which answer.

    Reply
  87. Lisa V

    Lysa, I love this idea for a new book! I think in order to be able to say yes or no, we need to start with knowing and understanding our true selves. So many of us are living double lives. The person we truly are and the person we show everyone else. Why? Why do we do this? It certainly doesn’t earn us any additional grace from God, as He knows our hearts inside and out!!! I truly believe this comes from honesty, and honest with ourselves is where we must start. Once we’ve cleared things up with the person in the mirror, I think saying yes and no, and understanding why you are saying it will become so much more clear. It has certainly worked in our family, and to God be all the Glory!!! Good luck with this journey to fill the pages of what I’m certain will be another best seller!!! God has empowered you with some amazing spiritual talent!! I have said over and over, if there was a little Lysa TerKeurst doll I could carry around that would remind me to swallow my words before saying them, I would own a dozen!!

    Reply
  88. Vanessa Shaw-Potter

    Love this! I always worry about saying Yes and No and it would be so freeing to have control of those 2 little words again!

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  89. Jodi

    What a great start for your new book. I know I need the reminder to stop and think about what kind of a message my actions speak about my life.

    Reply
  90. Cindy Seay

    Wow- you drew me in immediately. God is doing a work in me to create a “Mary” heart and I think He will be completing that work with this book. I so want to be like that sweet reporter. Thanks, Lysa

    Reply
  91. Stacie

    My life right now seems to be a continual string of hard decisions. Financial worries, a husband battling depression, our family struggling with the senseless violence that recently ended the life of a friend and left our community in pain and shock. Every day I am choosing, making decisions, to trust God, to love him and to love others even when I don’t feel like it. When I feel angry or hurt or scared or alone, I have to make a conscience decision to not speak or act on those feelings. I have been deciding to run to God instead of running away from him. My list could go on and on.

    Reply
  92. Mary Anne

    God works in such amazing ways. I just read this after a lunch with my 21 yr old daughter who is facing some BIG decisions. Our lunch reflected on decisions I made at 21 and how those decisions (some good, some not so good) directed me to where I am today. I look forward to your book! My copy of “Unglued” is wearing thin 🙂

    Reply
  93. Becky

    Love it! I have been trying to live intentionally – not just struggle to fit everything into my day. I try, not always succeeding, to look at everything with purpose. I want my day to honor the Lord and nourish my soul and my family. Living purposefully has made a huge difference in the way I feel at the end of the day – satisfied not just fried. 🙂 Thank you for addressing the issues facing so many women today!

    Reply
  94. Deb Andrada

    I am a YES woman, I want to please, I want to be helpful, I want to be accepted. I’m learning over and over and over ( imperfect progress) I can’t say yes all the time AND I don’t have to win over anyone’s approval. This is a great book topic, one millions of us women deal with on a moment by moment basis, especially in this fast paced world we live in. One thing my husband tells me all too often is that I have no problem telling him no when I am too busy but I keep saying yes to most anything and everything. I confess I don’t have the answer to this but am working through it. Keep writing Lysa, so many of us need to hear it!

    Reply
  95. Shar

    I think this is a part of the story but not the beginning. I think you have the perfect forum here for the book to write itself. What are your existing readers’ challenges with this¡? What are your own? What’s at the core of the choices? What are we telling ourselves when we make those choices? And how does the Word help us make the better choice? Then connecting the dots. I enjoy.your ministry.

    Reply
  96. Carolyn

    OMG!! You always hit the nail on the head!!!Women can be such multi-taskers…mother, CFO, cab driver, friend, leader, PTO, committees, party planner; the list goes on and on and on… I have so many friends that are so over-committed that their marriages suffer. I have a tendency to be selfish with my time. I say NO more than YES. But there really does need to be a balance. And learning to listen to what God wants you to do…even harder for me!
    Can’t wait for the new book to come out!!! Thank you for ministering to me!

    Reply
  97. Sherrie

    Saying “no” can be the most difficult thing as a Christian. We feel that if we say no we are letting others down like the Pastor, the church, the youth group you know the list goes on and on. Yet because of our inability to say no we become overwhelmed and burdened in our Christian life and we push aside the most important things like prayer, our time in God’s Word, our family, our home responsibilities those things that God has called us to be faithful in. We need to recognize that sometimes God wants us to say yes but there are also times that God expects us to say no. Needing to say no, means praying that God will supply the right individual for the task. One of my former Pastor’s use to say often, “We are busier than God intended us to be.” The older I get the more I see the wisdom of those words and how sometimes I just need to be still and wait for God’s leading.

    Reply
  98. Bobbie

    Once again, I can’t wait to read it and learn from the teaching, and laugh or wince, as I recoginize myself. God has been teaching me to use those words wisely, and it has connected with my spirit, but doesn’t always win, but at least, I am pausing and usually praying before I answer now.

    Reply
  99. Charity

    Lysa, Thank you for this. I needed to hear it
    I’m such a yes person trying to please everyone around me. Not really focusing on myself or my family at times. God is working on me to trust him and stop picking things back up once I’ve handed them over to him. Praying for you.

    Reply
  100. Danielle

    Ooooooo write this book! Please write this book! “Empowered to say no…” Yes. I am excited. My meanderings and struggles as a type-A have drawn me to dig into this exact idea. Women overdo it. And then we expect other women to overdo it. So we can’t expect grace here if we aren’t also giving other women room to make those “empowered to say no” decisions. Let’s stop demanding so much of one another. Give those around us permission to choose their husbands and families as their first ministry. And time for them to recharge so that they will do it well. Choosing your schedule and how and with whom you spend your time is not sinful. In fact I believe that it is practicing good stewardship. We aren’t earning or maintaining our salvation by more work or more ministry or more-more. More-more will always be available. But it is earned. Christ has done it, wholly and completely, needing nothing to be added to it. Now REST in the good works that He has prepared for your hands and feet!!

    Reply
  101. Becky

    As I sit here about to graduate my last two of 5 children from High School, I have to agree that the decisions we make today, create the lives we live tomorrow not only for us, but for all those who are involved in our lives! Learning to say “No!” to the temptation of pride in being a supermom, was the hardest learned lesson of my life! I have been my childrens’ preschool teacher, sunday school teacher, children’s church leader, bible school director, public school teacher, cheerleading coach, t-ball and soccer coach, team mom, praise and worship leader, church camp counselor, every kind of baked good baker, senior project graduation secretary, after-prom party creator, etc. The last two years I have been recovering from a traumatic brain injury. While on my road to recovery, I have had to learn to walk, talk, read, write, drive, sing, teach, and laugh again! During this time, my children realized all that I used to do for them and they have come away much more appreciative of the little things in life, like long walks, and late night talks, and silly camp outs in the living room. As well, I have come away much more appreciative of the quiet moments we missed and I am coming back saying, “No” to the noisy life we used to live and, “Yes” to the treasured moments we now choose to live!! Choose you this day whom you will serve, self and the world or those who will treasure your service! Don’t cast your pearls before swine! Matthew 7:6 BTW Love your Unglued Devotional!

    Reply
  102. Audrey

    Amazing! Perfect timing! I love how God is using you to deliver His messages! I am going through a situation that needs to be dealt with. Which should have been dealt with(rightly) back in 2007! I A few days ago I prayed for God to open my eyes, ears & heart to anything that I should, let us say, “clear up”. Well, the situation that has come up is one of them! He is faithful!!! It is a confronting & “not so nice” of a situation, but, I am putting my trust & hope in Him to help me through!! God bless you! And thank you once again!

    Reply
  103. Ellen S.

    Oh, how this truly spoke to my heart! The older I become and the closer I walk the path that God has chosen for me, the more I realize that it’s not about seeing how much we can do, how many directions we can stretch ourselves, to the point of breaking. I wish I had learned much sooner (a couple of decades back) that living life isn’t about cramming every second of every day with more than can be done. Just in the last 2-3 years, I’ve come to the realization that God doesn’t want us busy every waking second of our lives. satan is the one who actually plants the seeds of busyness, to get us sidetracked in our walk with Jesus. God wants us to take time to “Be Still”, to worship him with unabandoned love. And the funny thing is?, when we do that very thing, everything else going on in our lives simply falls into place.

    Reply
  104. Laura

    You know, I’m not sure why this post made me think of this poem, the last time I really thought about it was Freshman English when I had to memorize and recite it, and that was over 20 years ago…..possibly it was the photo that you included with the post. I face a huge struggle with judging when to say no and when to say yes, so I’m really looking forward to this next book of yours……here is that poem, hope that it brings creative writing inspiration, or even just a smile.

    The Road Not Taken
    By Robert Frost

    Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
    And sorry I could not travel both
    And be one traveler, long I stood
    And looked down one as far as I could
    To where it bent in the undergrowth;

    Then took the other, as just as fair,
    And having perhaps the better claim,
    Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
    Though as for that the passing there
    Had worn them really about the same,

    And both that morning equally lay
    In leaves no step had trodden black.
    Oh, I kept the first for another day!
    Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
    I doubted if I should ever come back.

    I shall be telling this with a sigh
    Somewhere ages and ages hence:
    Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–
    I took the one less traveled by,
    And that has made all the difference.

    Reply
  105. Hannah

    Very inspiring – a big thing to ponder indeed. Thanks for sharing! You have a way of making me feel like I am sitting across the table from you hearing your heart & realizing that mine too is resonating with the words you are saying.

    Reply
  106. Dee

    Looking forward to this new book! I’m a “Yes” girl who can only describe my life as “busy being busy”. God has blessed me with many talents that I love to share with anyone who asks. I did have an epiphany a few years ago – I often I said “yes” because I wanted to have control of the situation. I have since then been able to evaluate my motive before saying yes. If I really will love what I’m saying yes to, I will do it. If I’m just saying yes so that things will go my way, I say no now. I strive to be more of a Mary than a Martha.

    Reply
  107. BETH

    When I think of whether to say yes or no, it’s very hard, but thinking of the verses Matthew 7:13-14…I must remind myself that if I choose the easy way out -the easy quick answer- the wide Gate/wide road… I am going to find just that, destruction… and a lot more work trying to get back on the right track through the narrow gate/ narrow road that leads to “Life”.

    Reply
  108. Kelley

    Wow! This is going to be awesome! I can’t wait! It is definitely needed, by me and by so many others. We live our lives according to ‘the schedule’, not necessarily according to what God is guiding us to do and be. We think if we are busy, we must be making a difference, maybe we even think it makes us important. When in truth, we are saying yes to good things that are not supposed to be ‘our’ good things. Do we ever even slow down enough so we can hear what He’s saying to us?? Yes, please help us all with this book, Lysa! Help us to find the right way to determine what God is asking us to do. I’m so looking forward to it!

    Reply
  109. Patty

    Ok, now you have to hurry and write more … because I think I need this book! Beautifully written and a topic that so many women (especially me) struggle with. We want to be needed and busy, but sometimes the only thing we need is more time with God. We forget that He needs — or desires — that from us more.

    Reply
  110. Lina

    Hello Lysa,

    Thanks for writing yet another book to help us all get along better in this crazy world!

    I also wanted to give you a heads up on something you might not know. My husband suffers from bi-polar disorder and because of this I am in a support group for people with mental illness. I wanted to let you know that because of all the stigma in this world for people with this struggle they are highly sensative to the word “crazy”. I have always used this word a lot… but now I am being taught to be cautious about it. This is certainly not a condemnation of you, just information I feel compelled to pass along. I totally understand your meaning and your use of the word and I don’t know what word can be used in it’s place. Unglued is a very good word… =)

    As for the “yes” and “no”. I think the thing I have learned the most (being a former doormat of the best kind) I would say trust your gut and listen for that still small voice of God to direct you. I know it sounds like simplistic Christianese – but once I learned to finally do it and not just think it… well, my life changed for the better. I should also point out that I have grown children and I am no longer in the daily onslaught of requests as I was when they were small. I am sure my resistance is stronger because of that. I also surround myself with girlfriends who hold me accountable and that is a must to make me successful.

    Thanks Lysa!

    Reply
  111. Christine

    Great topic…our free will and how God designed us to use it…also, how we need to make prayerful, QUALITY, decisions…being led by the Holy Spirit. It truly will decide our life story…much like a flow chart…one decision can change everything….Love it!!
    Can’t wait til the book is finished!! I too, have been staring at a computer screen…
    Love and Blessings..
    C

    Reply
  112. cindy

    This was/is everything I needed to hear today. God is revealing the bitterness towards several key people in my life, and how I have been so selfish throughout my life. The decisions I have made to continue in bitterness, pity and looking for ways people have hurt me, continues and even deepens the river of bitterness in my heart. I am ready to do whatever it takes for God to turn bitterness into joy so I can freely love others, and offer true forgiveness.

    Reply
  113. Liz

    Lysa, this could not have come to me at a better time. Sometimes God just cracks me up how he throws things in our lap right when we need them.

    I am a “yes” person but working on being a “Let Go and Let God” person. Thank you for your insight and wonderful words to begin writing this book. So excited to read…..

    Reply
  114. Diane

    This is wonderful! It is so easy to get caught up in the daily routines, and the school projects/events, sports, work, bills, extended family and friends that we forget to enjoy each moment of life. I think perhaps touching on the guilt a woman may feel when she has to say no or even just chooses to say no would be great. It seems most women don’t like to use the word “no” because they feel like they’ll let someone down or not measure up to their own perception of who they should be.

    Reply
  115. stephanie

    Cannot wait for this book to come out!! I know its gonna be awesome :0)

    Reply
  116. Michelle

    Every time I open your emails I am amazed at how much I needed that thought or “string of sentences” that day. Here again was another example. I liked another comment about the balance of saying yes and no. That is where I am. I have no problem saying yes or saying no, it’s just that I can never figure out where the middle ground is. The other thought I have been having the last week is how good of an example am I setting for my children? If your children always see you saying yes to everybody and what it does to you in mind, body and spirit then does that turn them in the opposite direction? Does that make them then NOT want to say yes to anybody because they don’t want to be like mom? Frazzled, grumpy and crazy? And the same goes for always saying No to everyone? Do your children then turn and say Yes to EVERYONE because they always heard mom say No? It’s been something I have been pondering lately.

    “If you want people to use such great words to describe you, think about the decisions you are making. How are they leading people to describe you?” This is AWESOME! It really does make me stop and pause for just a second. How will my children describe me and what words will they use? Then I realize that it’s not too late to change those words…Have a blessed day 🙂

    Reply
  117. Heather

    I can’t wait to read this book Lysa! I will be praying that God continues to speak to you and gives you the words to say to the rest of us. Thank you for following the call of God on your life!

    Reply
  118. Reesa Ueckert

    A wise man once told me that the graveyard is full of people who thought the world would not go on without them. When I think of his words it reminds me that the world will keep spinning no matter if I say yes or no.

    Reply
  119. jodi

    I want more! I would love to learn how to know when to say yes or no in difficult circumstances. I need this book now! 🙂 Thank you for tackling this subject!

    Reply
  120. Monica Lee

    I think you’re on to something. This is a universal “woman” problem. Perhaps a universal “mom” problem (I am childless so I acknowledge I have FAR fewer demands on my time than most of the women I hang out with). But a lot of my friends eat too much, sleep too little and get stressed out about their messy house. Their children are … let’s just say unpleasant. These women are saying yes to the wrong things and not saying no enough. I would be curious to see how you put a Biblical twist on this, because I think a lot of Christians (women?) think sacrifice is an element of being a good mother and wife. Is the new Testament’s Martha a good example of a person who says yes to the wrong things and not enough no’s? Who else?

    By the way, while watching the History Channel’s “The Bible” last week, I thought of your lesson about in “Unglued” about Jericho. Your description of those walls and the visit from God (or a man of God) to Joshua illumined my understanding of that whole passage. Thanks.

    Reply
  121. Sandy Gould

    Well Lysa…I love the start of your new book Gave me food to think about who I was and who I am and how I used the words yes and no in those two persons. I use to always say yes….without much thought. Thinking it was what everyone needed and wanted to hear. Such a people pleaser I was (still am but I work at being aware more today). I now choose my response with wisdom (bringing up scripture when it is appropriate)…..Make your yes be yes and your no be no. If I am unsure about making a commitment I can always say let me get back to you on that. And then spend the time I need to make a careful thought out answer. The person I use to be (non-
    Christian) always seemed a little disjointed, over busy and not quite focused on the task at hand. I realize today that I am focused on the here and now (including writing this post to you) and less distracted by life around me. God is good, all the time. Looking forward to Woman of Faith in Hartford, CT in November 2013 (I get to celebrate my b’day at this grand event).

    Reply
  122. Nikki Snider

    Lysa – saying no is one of my great struggles. I always want to be the gal that comes through and does whatever is asked. It’s left me overtired, overweight and sometimes to snippy with my kids. So, I CAN NOT wait to read your book. I loved how you started and have no other insights for you. I just know this is something we women today need to address – at least I do.

    Hugs and prayers for all the great things you allow God to do through you!

    Reply
  123. Debra

    Thanks Lysa, Looking forward to your new book. I know it will help many of us who struggle with this issue. I know I can say yes way to easy. But I have certainly learned to say No also. A good change. Thank You God.

    Thanks for your encouragement, this has centered me to go and write myself.

    Reply
  124. Nichole

    Lysa –
    You are one of those people who I would just LOVE to be able to sit down and talk with over a cup of coffee (or 3).
    God has used your words to speak to my heart so many times. I read Unglued and found myself with sweaty palms thinking…”this woman has spent time in my brain!” which both comforts and terrifies me at the same time!
    As a full time student with a full time career in the financial service industry, God is constantly teaching me that I don’t have to say YES to everything…..that saying NO is okay….really….even if the person I say NO to doesn’t agree. I must make my decisions according to God’s plan, not mine…or anyone else’s for that matter.
    I’m a doer, so this is tough for me….but I find that those times I say NO and remain obedient are some of the sweetest times I spend with Him.
    KEEP WRITING! I can’t wait to read the finished product. 🙂

    Reply
  125. Stacey

    Surrender…the word God has given me for 2013. When we surrender everything to God, we release our lives to be used for Him. Whatever God is calling me to do….encourage my husband more often; eat wiser; pray for our adult children; encourage someone with a phone call or text message; help an aging parent….. just knowing that If I surrender to Him daily, then the decisions I make, is the life He has for me. (p.s. Truly looking forward to what God is placing on your heart to transform our lives, Lysa. Thank you.)

    Reply
  126. Melissa

    I love this concept. As a social worker, I felt like I just harped and harped about important decision making. Sometimes people truly listened, and like everything sometimes it fell on deaf ears. Every decision has a consequence, whether it be a good or bad one. Yada, yada, yada….
    Also my BFF and I just had a conversation thus morning about “being all in” if you will. Like not letting our phones and other surrounding distractions take us away from our focus-i. e. Spending time with the kids, husband, family times, etc. I really like how this reporter was focused, and it was apparent to everyone! I strive to be this woman daily, but it seems like I’m constantly failing. 🙁
    Can’t wait to see what else is to come with this book.

    Reply
  127. LaTara

    This is beautiful and insightful! This is a word for all women. Some of us have been here in the past, but many more are here now. It’s hard to say no where a yes should be and yes where a no should be stated. In my own experience I made my life a living hell…if only I had said no when those red flags popped up.
    You live and you learn. Oh but the great love, grace, and mercies of our God!

    Reply
  128. Andrea

    “empowered to say no” – I love that. After too many years I’ve re-learned, or maybe really learned for the first time, the value of saying ‘no’. Healthy boundaries beginning with something as simple as yes meaning yes and no meaning no. Then not feeling obligated and bitter, or remorseful and guilty about the prayerful, honest decision. That’s the power of no. Thank you and the best of insight in writing your new book. I think it will be a must read.

    Reply
  129. Beth

    The older I get, (ripe age of almost 51) the more I am slowing down per HIS request and placing my life more in HIS hands. I really liked this. 🙂
    Beth

    Reply
  130. Donna

    Hi Lysa,
    Let me start by saying that I just recently discovered you on a Christian website and I look forward to buying one of your books to read. I really enjoy your style of writing, it is thought provoking. Today’s message is great. If I had learned to say “yes” and “no” earlier in life I could have skipped a lot of unnecessary wrong choices in life. When I learned to do the driving for myself with God steering, it put me on the right path in this crazy world.

    “The decisions we make, make the life we live.”

    Your quote was thought provoking and here is my addition to this:
    But, the decisions that we’ve made in the past don’t have to define us today. Every day we have the chance to get up and redefine ourselves. We can get up and thank the Lord for the day and start a new.

    I really like how you said the most important two words in the English language are “Yes” and “No” and that is going to help many women because I think that many of us struggle with being honest in how we want to answer a request or question. Being able to say “Yes” and “No” helps us stay true to ourselves and true to the Lord.

    Thanks Lysa for your wonderful blog and sharing your thoughts. It’s always nice to read Christian perspective on life and how to live it.

    Reply
  131. Vickye

    I loved your “description” of the reporter as she stood outside your door. She sounds like a confident woman – unafraid to be real – therefore making her humble. As women, we are so hard on ourselves to always look as though we “have it all together” whether it is true at the moment or not. The book you are writing sounds like it will help us to live boldly in Christ and know we can make wise decisions that lead to a life of His will and not our own. Thank you for being so open and honest about life and for inspiring us to press forward even through the harder times!

    Reply
  132. Lauren Jolly

    LOVE your words and love you! In the midst of my “crazy” day, your words always provide much needed blessing and insight. As usual, you spark my interest and excite my faith! Can’t wait for your next book. Unglued has influenced me so much 🙂 Sweet blessings to you!

    Reply
  133. Kelly Willie

    I’m like everyone else, can’t wait for you to complete another book. It would really be hard to choose which is my favorite! In my personal life, as I have gotten older I have begun to realize that I do have that choice of Yes or No and I use those words very wisely now. As with many, if I could re-do my past, there would be a lot more No’s and a lot more Yes’s!! Thank you for all you do and God Bless!

    Reply
  134. Dona

    I have tried, over the 33+ years of being a mother to our seven children, to learn when to say yes and when it is okay to say no. I have, at the same time, attempted to teach my children the same lesson. Our choices and decisions have far reaching consequences. Oh, we may not see them early on, but later the consequences become very evident. I had to learn the hard way, oftentimes, to pray carefully about my “yes” and speak up firmly, without hesitation, when I have had to say “no”. I, also, believe that more often than not, that it is not necessary to give long, lengthy explanations (or excuses) about why I saying no. A “No, I’m sorry, not this time.” is quite sufficient. I only owe an explanation to my God and, possibly, my husband 🙂
    Best wishes on your new book, Lysa!

    Reply
  135. Jodi

    I am learning this. I think it is a lifelong lesson. One thing I remind myself of is that we are blessed and privileged with so many options but that it’s imperative to make choices. The Bible says we can do all things through Christ. It doesn’t say we can do all things at the same time.

    Reply
  136. Marilyn in East Texas

    My thoughts on the divided road:
    1) Remember there is no easy road in life
    2) Take out insurance (spend time in prayer with God) before you start your engine
    3) Pack lightly (your Bible will always be in style) for your journey will be long and not without difficulties
    4) Identify whether the road you choose includes rest stops (family and friends) and bridges (when changes and turn arounds are indicated)
    5) Although you do not know where this road will lead you, as a child of God you do know your final destination
    6) Accept responsibility for the road you choose to travel

    Reply
    • Cindy

      This is helpful!

      Reply
  137. Sue

    When my children were young I made the decision to say yes to whatever it was that would better them, that would make them the best adults they could be. I allowed the no to be said to things that would take away from them, things that would cause me to be less to them. Less available, less understanding and less loving. I said no to always having a clean house so that I could say yes to spending time with them. I said yes to having dessert for dinner so they could have a sense of fun now and then. I now have 3 adult children who are responsible, God following, loving and caring members of society, and an absolute joy to be with. It was not always easy, but it was always worth it!

    Thanks for the opportunity to share, Lysa! Your words touch my soul and make life somehow see doable! God bless you for sharing with us!

    Reply
  138. Renee Owens

    First – HURRY UP!!!! 🙂 Second – something my friends and I have been talking about lately to put things into perspective – “What is the worst thing that will happen if I…”. I think we tend to manufacture this fear that our decisions will have some sort of catastrophic consequence. Really… if we say No we can not watch our friends children tomorrow because we have too many other things going on – will the world exlpode – No. Will our friend never talk to us again – if that happens then maybe you should be happy… Now I am not talking about an emergency or life or death but sometimes we need to put our priorities in order and make decisions that are best for our family. We are not in control of our lives – God is. He already knows the outcomes and has gone before us. We need to use the brain God gave us to make wise decisions with every aspect of our lives! If we are doing that then no matter what the outcome we can trust HE is in control and the outcome will be exactly how it should be.

    Reply
  139. Mara

    Loved it!

    Reply
  140. Beth

    Love it. This speaks to the hearts of so many women, including me. I struggle with the discernment to know when to say yes or no.

    Can’t wait for the book!

    Reply
  141. Leah Asher

    I struggle daily with co-dependency so yes and no is difficult for me. Lysa your books have helped me in so many ways and have brought me so much closer in my walk with Jesus! I love to write poetry as a hobby. It has been my way of expressing what I can not say out loud to people. I recently wrote a poem called “NO”. Maybe there is something in it that can help you, maybe not, but your welcome to it. God blessed me with this poem for a reason and when I read your post I was sure I was to share it with you.
    No, By Leah Asher

    No
    Such a little word
    To hold such fear
    No
    Such a little word
    To hold such power
    No
    It paralyzes yet frees
    It rejects yet chooses
    It defeats yet warns
    No
    Such a little word
    To hold such sadness
    No
    Such a little word
    To hold such joy
    No
    It questions yet answers
    It lies yet verifies
    It remembers yet forgets
    No
    Such a little word
    To hold such abandon
    No
    Such a little word
    To hold such care
    No

    Reply
  142. Colleen Smith

    Great stuff! And it’s presented in that fun, engaging, straightforward style that I have come to expect and enjoy. This book will be very helpful to many of us.

    Reply
  143. Bonnie

    I love all your books and your daily devotionals, Lysa! Thank you for all you have done to help me stay sane and “unglued.” I look forward to this new book of yours too. What I have learned over many years is that it is more difficult to say no to people if I am trying to please people. If I stay focused on God and what I feel that he has called me to do, I am more likely to make the right decisions. Just because we are capable, or just because someone asks us, and/or there’s no one else to do it, is not a good enough reason to say “Yes.” I have learned to say that I will have to check my schedule, and pray about it, and get back to them. Then it’s easier to make the right decision. Sometimes we have to say “No” to good things, fun things, interesting things, etc. to do the RIGHT thing. One thing that helps me is to make a list. A list of things I want/need to accomplish at home, then at church, then at work, etc. It helps to distinguish between the WANT to do and the NEED to do list…if I am sure that I am in God’s will, then I never feel any guilt about saying NO.

    Reply
  144. Syndee

    This looks to be another incredible book. I’ve been learning a little about the word no but after reading this little blurb, realize I still have a long way to go. I’m 45 years old and still struggle with both saying no to people who tend to want to use me, but also saying no to myself when I’m acting selfishly or not wanting to miss anything. I sure cant wait to read this book!!

    Reply
  145. Jennie Schaaf

    As always, your writing is fun and inspirational. This is a topic that all of us as women face, and that is a learned experience. We either are surrounded by women in our lives, growing up, who take on too much, do too little, or somehow manage to balance it all and maintain a sense of calm. My experience, was growing up with a super mom, but there was no sense of calm. Somehow, I knew that I would embody her best qualities and be super mom, but do something different. Have I achieved this for my own family, my own life? Not really. I still have trouble saying a definitve no. The other thing we Catholic women face is good ol fashioned Catholic guilt. We were taught to serve. And saying no doesn’t fit into that category. Think back, the very first and most important “Yes,” in our Catholic history…it was Mary. It was a BIG yes, that risked it all, in the face of the unkown. BUT…when she said yes, she asked God to be with her on her journey. Therein lies the difference. I believe that we need to determine the importance of our choice to say yes or no based upon how it will impact us and our family and then we need to let go of the guilt and fear and make our YES loud and clear and ask God to be a part of it. And, for most of us women, we don’t learn this until we do a little bit of “growing up,” and knowing who we are as women. Which doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a continued process. So of course, I will probably take on more than I can handle again at somepoint…maybe even tonight. 🙂

    Reply
  146. Shelly Wildman

    Lysa, this is such an important topic! And I think there are lots of implications there for our kids and our families too. We ALL need to be empowered to say no a little more so that we can say yes to the right things. Awesome!!!

    Reply
  147. Anne

    My Dad always used to say to me, “If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.” “Get me where, Dad?” “Well, that’s for you to decide.”

    It’s good to have a goal and then make decisions that lead toward that goal. Otherwise you wander haphazardly without direction and you can’t be sure that any decision you make is a good one. Decide where you are going, then make your decisions about how how to get there.

    Reply
  148. Linda

    Wow, I love the statement “The decisions we make — Make the life we live” and the picture with the road going 2 directions!! Totally awesome. This is a good statement for all of us to make as a life statement. Thank you for all the good thoughts you share with us daily.

    Reply
  149. Melody K

    Lysa, I have had the opportunity to do a couple different studies of yours, and read several different books you have written. God has such perfect timing and in my heart I believe that it was exactly what I needed to work on at that point in my life. Funnily enough, having just finished the study/book Unglued…this new book of yours is an issue that God is taking me through right now. It reminds me of how you asked your husband to choose three things that are really important to him that you can do for him, and that you would do those three things well. You also explained how you can’t be great at everything. So for me, the challenge with saying yes/no is understand that God didn’t call me to busy-ness, but that I need to be spirit led throughout the day. I have come to the realization that although I love to be involved in EVERYTHING that it only leaves me burnt out, and neglecting other really important areas of my life. I love that God is leading you to write this book, I am really looking forward to hearing Him speak through you 🙂

    Reply
  150. Sharon

    I’m feeling relief already. Thanks for your encouraging words. What a great start you have on an idea that touches our heart in these over-busy times.

    Reply
  151. Angel

    He’s STALKING me AGAIN! This seems to be the “theme” of the messages Dad’s been sending across my path since 2013 began – the need to rest and to be attentive to what is before me and let the rest go! I’m LISTENING Dad – show me how to silence the guilt that screams at my heart when I do say no! Amen

    Reply
  152. Tina

    Lysa-
    First of all, let me say that I LOVE to read any of your writings. You’re always refreshing, witty and easy to understand.

    Saying yes when we should say no……I became very bitter and just plain worn out from always feeling the need to say yes. And this was in my church! I was too busy “doing” religion instead of drawing closer to God. However, if I said “no” to any request, get-together, play, etc….I felt so guilty. How did I deal with it? After becoming so “broken”, I decided to leave my home church and follow God to my present church. Do I blame the people (my family) at my old church? NO- It was completely me losing my way and not focusing on God. Now I know that I have to pray to God for EACH direction He wants me to take. However small or big it might be. I have to let HIM lead me. I look forward to reading your next book!

    Reply
  153. emily johnston

    as usual Miss Lysa TerKeurst, God is using you to speak truth and encouragement into my life in HIS perfect timing. At the beginning of the year I spent a day or two looking back on the year past and after much reflection (& conviction from the Holy Spirit) I recognized that so much of my time was wasted. And by wasted I mean, not spent in the moment…but moving from moment to moment. Not spent filling up on His word & wisdom so that I could pour out into my family and others around me. And on those rare days that i had an hour or two of ‘free time’ i found myself agonizing over how many tasks i could squeeze in and check off my to do list. This year has been off to a slow start. In a good way. I’m leaning into Him and learning from Him. Not finding time, but making time to be still. Simplifying my home, service, hobbies etc. so that I am available for His purpose each day. I read once that God will give you enough time in each day to accomplish what HE wants you to accomplish. I pray each day that I will have those freedom moments to ask myself, not what chores & crafts can i add to my already overwhelming day, but rather, what does HE have for me to learn, see or share today? I pray that I will remember that He made me for his purpose.

    I am so thankful for your writing and have been so blessed by your words. I am excited to add this new book to my collection. Please know that I will be praying for God’s message of grace & mercy to flow creatively from you.
    In Him,
    emily

    Reply
  154. Elaine

    I LOVE to fix people’s problems. The crazy is that people seem to see me as a puke bucket when they need to talk something out. I’m not kidding…I’ll be at the grocery and the once mute cashier decides that I am the one who gets to hear about her torturous mother-in-law. Perhaps it is the nice smile I give a stranger or a unique gift God has given me. Well, I recently got diagnosed with MS, which isn’t as scary as I thought it would be. It has caused me to radically prioritize my time and energy. I still listen to people’s stories (who doesn’t love a great story?), but I leave it at that…listening. I will walk away and prayer for my new friend, but I no longer internalize the problem or carry it for them. God did not me the Holy Spirit, but I sure will step aside the key Him work it all out.

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  155. Lois Bogenschutz

    I am a yes person. When I find myself in internal conflict I know God is talking to me. I have learned though time that when this happens I need to take time and go to God. I need to get God’s advice and then pray to God for the strength to just say NO. That person will survive and will find someone else to do the task if it is critical or go without if it isn’t. I find God has lead me to say no, I really do not feel guilty; I may feel a little bad at first when I see the disappointment in the person’s face but I quickly get over it and do not feel lasting guilt.

    Reply
  156. Deena @ My Bookshelf

    Lysa,
    I love your books! My two favorites are “More Than Just a Good Bible Study Girl” and “Unglued”. I’m eager to read what God gives you with this one. God bless and enjoy the journey:-)

    Reply
  157. Jo

    Lysa,
    I LOVE IT!!!! that age old struggle we women have to be everything to everybody is the souce of much stress in our lives. God has taught me much as i live longer on this earth – and the lessons aren’t always easy to learn but this i know – every “no” is acutally me saying “yes” to something more important – like my time with God, my family.
    I will be praying for you as you seek His words to share with us.

    Reply
    • Stacy

      Thanks Jo, I’m going to use that. I need to remind myself that a NO to someone is a YES to someone else ~ Especially when I can say YES to God. I too in my years have come to realize that is very precious time that has consequences when I miss it for something else.

      Reply
  158. Stacy

    LIsa, this is wonderful. I struggle every day with that very thought… How do I say YES because I’m so excited to help and not feel guilty about saying NO because I’ll be just too overwhelmed and unable to give the task my best effort. Oh boy, its a tough one for sure. Recently my oldest son left for Marine boot camp, 13 weeks with no verbal communication at all. Handing him over to God 100% was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and yes as much as I am so very proud of my son and believe this is indeed Gods plan for him, I dreaded the YES to relinquishing control of my child to the One who IS in control. I have that same struggle in every day life with the other humans in my life. I so want to please them all but just feel I’m giving the NO’s to my loved ones and the YES’s to those who call on me for help because my guilt takes over. I am so very excited to see where this story leads and read from cover to cover. You’ve touched on a great one. I so enjoy reading your blog and listening on KLOVE each morning. Thanks so much for reassuring all of us that none of us is perfect and we all can use some help “getting it right” God Bless

    Reply
  159. Deb

    Lysa, this spoke to me in two ways. First if we don’t know where we are going we will never get there and hence say yes to things that drag us away from our true purpose. the second way is that we always have a choice to trust God and follow the path he has for us or to choose our own path. He gave us free will but as it says in Gal. 5:1 it is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Whichever path we choose we can never outrun God he is as close as our next prayer. Nothing can separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Rom. 8:39b

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  160. SuzTMason

    One of the best pieces of wisdom I have ever heard about learning to say no and not over committing yourself came from Oprah! She was talking about how most women are people pleasers and don’t know how to say no to someone. Which leads to over committed, exhausted ladies! Which then leads to bitter, resentful women. A lot of us will say, ” Yes!” right away to avoid disappointing someone and then later regretting that decision. Oprah then shared that in order to prevent over-committing herself, when asked to do something, she will now answer, “Let me think about it and get back to you.” And she does…sometimes with a yes and sometimes with a no. Brilliant!

    Reply
  161. Kiki

    Lysa, I would love for you to talk to the reporter to see how she felt that day to find out if she felt non-crazy, present, focused. I can’t help but wonder if she is like so many of us and left your house thinking she could have done better or asked that other question. I’ve received similar complements before that left me thinking, “was that person even in the same room?”

    As women navigating the world ~ especially this world of Facebook, Mommy Blogs and Pinterest ~ we have placed so many expectations on ourselves and added countless unchecked items to our wish/to do lists. It’s difficult to move from a place of guilt and comparison where you’re always feeling like you have no choice but to say yes, to a place of peace and confidence where you want to or get to say yes. The beauty is that once God brings you to that place, saying “no” isn’t guilt-ridden. You have the peace to know that you are really saying yes to Him.

    Reply
  162. Tracy Morey

    This reminds me of two things: the book “Margin” and a saying I picked up in Missouri; “Every time you say ‘Yes’ to something, you say ‘No’ to something else.

    I would love to see a biblical list of things we need to say Yes to.

    Reply
  163. Robyn Wentz

    Wow Lysa, What an awesome quote, “The decisions we make, make the life we live”!!!
    So looking forward to this new book!!

    Reply
  164. Christine

    When did life get so busy? Why are we running around like crazy people trying to accomplish too much!! Does God really want me to be over-scheduled – does God want me to be so involved in church that it takes away my family & friends time, and especially HIS TIME? I think we think that we are doing these things for Christ, whatever it is, but He is not glorifying them – I am burnt out, exhausted and crabby – definately NOT CHRIST!! But how do I choose the RIGHT things – the things HE wants me to do? It’s hard!
    I love that God has placed this on your heart, because it has been on mine as well, and I know a plenty of women who struggle with the same thing…….AMEN!!
    Looking forward to your next book 🙂

    Reply
  165. Angela

    Once again you have the power to capture what we all struggle with and need to hear and more importantly what God wants us to change. I cant wait till you finish this one!

    Reply
  166. Trudy Wischropp

    Great post! Love this line…..”The decisions we make, make the life we live. So if we want to live better, we’ve got to decide better. ”

    Moms do such much more now than ever….husband, kids, parents, jobs (more than 1 usually), volunteer, & on & on. Have we lost sight of something? Does The Lord really want me juggling all these things or is it ok to drop something & focus our time, money, & resources on one thing at a time? Don’t know if there’s enough to base a book on, but just some thoughts.

    Personally, I have 3 kids, a husband (just 1, thank goodness), teach full time, have a photography business that could very well be considered full time, care for my 80 year old mother that lives in the top story of our house, do VBS, & help out at church whenever possible. I’m planning to quit my teaching job but that’s the only sure thing I have. Do I put my family at risk financially so I am more emotionally & physically available? I feel like The Lord needs me everywhere but school.

    Just wondering if any other moms struggle with that?

    Reply
  167. JoAnne

    I just finished a study with Matthew Kelly on “Living Every Day with Passion & Purpose”. He suggests to be able to say “NO” we have to have a “Deeper Yes”. A deeper yes to how this circumstance, this decision will address our legitimate needs and help us to become our BEST self – the self that God created us to be! I find myself thinking before I make a decision or say No – what is my deeper yes! Powerful! Good luck with your book. I know it will be inspiring!

    Reply
  168. Kim

    This post hits me right between the eyes today! I am currently reading your blog entry while sitting at my desk at work, pumping for my 4 month old at home, having just left a lunch meeting with a friend asking me serve as a chair of a national non-profit committee, and about to run out to a meeting for another community counsel. All of these things are “good” things, and yet the more “good” things I load on my plate, the worse I am to those I love most. Something has got to give!

    I want the decisions that I make to tell the world of the greatest decision I have made in my life- I am a daughter of Christ, first and foremost. If the things that I am doing are not telling that story, or even worse, if the things I am doing are contradicting that story, then I need to reevaluate.

    Thanks for bringing the conviction of the Holy Spirit, Lysa!

    Reply
  169. Shirley Hamilton

    Lysa, when we rely on our own power, we are too busy, and too hurried. When we turn everything over to Our Heavenly Father to help us, to strengthen us, to empower us, we will find that we are able to do the many things that are asked of us. Several years ago, too sick to do anything, I turned everything back to God for healing and strength and since then He and only He is responsible for the ability and strength that happenes daily to me and in me. My family and I have turned off the TV, put away books other then the bible and study books and turned our time to service for the Lord God. There are so many in the church that are too busy doing things that are not furthering the kingdom of God, that they are constantly saying no to whatever is asked of them. So many that say they are not leaders, they don’t have the skills, We need people willing to say YES! People willing to trust God for the strength, power and knowledge to do what He wants us to do. Someone needs to stand up and tell God’s people to say YES and trust Him for everything they need to complete the tasks needed done.

    Reply
  170. Jennifer Buck

    Hi Lysa,
    I am a huge fan of all your books, blogs, etc. The quote you shared really reasonates with me right at this moment. I am 36, married, and a mom of a three and a half year old. I have been struggling with anorexia for over 20 years. In less than 36 hours, I will begin treatment in another treatment facility for my eating disorder. This will be my sixth treatment program. Right now I am literally at this crossroad, one path that could lead to full recovery and healing for once and for all; or another path that could lead me to an early death. It is so hard to admit the need for help, and accept it. I have been given an incredible opportunity in this new treatment program. God has made his presence known these last few weeks as I have been waiting to get into the program, for instance the amount of our tax refund was the EXACT amount needed for the deposit for treatment at this hospital. But I am scared and not ready to let go, but I am giving it all to God as I have never really done this before in previous treatments. I continue to look at both paths as in your picture and can’t help but wonder what path is meant for me, and how that changes when I bring God along with me… I guess I will find out at 10am on Friday morning as I enter the treatment program. But I know I won’t be alone.

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  171. Cheri

    God is talking to my family about how He is relevant to every choice and every experience, so thanks for sharing a family moment with us. I have taught my children the Sunday School song that goes, “O be careful little eyes what you see…”. It was great when they were little and learning what all their body parts are called and what they do. But sometimes we sing that song when we are discussing their choices at their current ages. (When they are old enough to date, I plan on singing this song to them as they walk out the door. 🙂 And to the last line, “For the Father up above is looking down in love,” we have added that God disciplines those He loves. If our choices reveal a sin pattern, God loves us enough to discipline us until we surrender to His best for us. See Jacob for a classic example.

    Thanks for your obedience to surrendering to write this book. I look forward to learning what God teaches you.

    Reply
  172. Joyanne Swanson

    Your blog post is so timely! I appreciate your words of wisdom and your willingness to be so honest about your own struggles. This is something that I have to weigh on an almost daily basis. I have found a couple of strategies which help me.

    There are times when God calls us to specific tasks during different seasons of our lives or even for just one season. Part of being plugged in to His wishes and plans for us is knowing when we are being called and how to “show up”. I think it comes back to what our priorities are and using those things that are most important to us as guides for when to say “yes” to something and when it is better to say “no”.

    If God is our first priority…then all opportunities that are presented to us which need a “yes” or “no” response should be filtered through whether we bring God honor and glory by saying “yes” to the opportunity. Likewise if Family is the next priority the opportunity should be filtered through the question whether as a mom/wife/daughter/sister, we will still be able to meet our family members’ needs should we say “yes”.

    Every one of us as women have different sets of priorities and how we list them…often times we find ourselves having to choose between two great things. We aren’t usually being asked to do anything criminal..otherwise that would be an easy “no”! We really do want to be able to do everything, surround everything and be involved in everything. It is that desire that we have to “check” and examine more so that we are clear on our motivations as well as our priorities and how those opportunities fit in.

    I’m definitely not an expert, nor do I succeed all the time in choosing wisely. I do try to hold tight to the things that matter the most to me and guard those things by choosing the opportunities I say “yes” to carefully.

    I look forward to reading your next book. You always have a way of speaking directly to my needs. Thank you and may God Bless you and your endeavors!

    Reply
  173. Susan

    In Deuteronomy 30:15, 19, God asks us to choose between life and death. If we saw our yes or no decision as that important, we might say no more to those things that suck the life out of us. Just thinking about trying to be more obedient to God’s Word.

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  174. Linsey Outlaw

    This is a great topic for a book. I’m all on board with you, Lysa. We have been sold some lies that to be successful we have to do it all. But when we try to do too many things we end up frustrating ourselves, those close to us, and maybe even God’s plan. Recently our family has started a very structured budget for our finances. The very nature of a budget is to say yes here, no there. You cannot spend all your money here & there and expect to have savings at the end of the month. In the process of looking at the effects of restraint with our finances and seeing some real financial growth, it dawned on me that everything in life can be budgeted–especially our time. If I wanted to say yes to quiet bible time before all my kids woke up, I’d have to say no to sleeping in. If I wanted to spend real time with real friends instead of virtual ones, I’d have to make time and step away from screens. Saying yes and no so that we can leading fulfilling lives as less crazy women is a must.

    Reply
  175. Jodi Rosser

    I think this is a great idea for a book! I love the picture that you found with the crossroads showing 2 paths- how powerful is that! It is a great visual! I also loved everything you said- you truly have a gift of writing and I love reading your books. You speak directly to issues that we as women struggle with and that is a special gift! I wanted to thank you for your last book, Unglued. I will definitely be interested in getting this book too!

    Reply
  176. Cheri

    Lysa, I love the idea for the next book! I think every women/wife/mom/friend/etc struggles with this. We want to be “more than conquerors” (Rom 8:37), and we want “all these things to be given to us as well” (Matt 6:33). “He has plans for us” (Jer 29:11). “His grace is sufficient…His power is made perfect in our weakness”. (2 Cor 12:9) Wow! I think we try to be the conquerors of our busy lives not wanting to “bother” Him with the little things. He loves us and we are to be about His work whatever it may be. However, Satan can use the “busyness” to keep us from doing what He wants us to do. It is a tough question – to do or not to do. Are we to be the Martha or the Mary? The new book sounds like God will be working in and through you. The ride may be bumpy, but oh so worth it!

    Reply
  177. Diane w Bailey

    Yes and No. Two powerful words. To choose between the two is not easy. It requires prayer. And the problem with praying ? Is that we don’t hang around long enough to receive an answer.

    When our children were small we taught proper ediqute for the conclusion of a meal. “. I enjoyed it. May I be excused?” Or even when we end a conversation. ” I need to go. Is there anything else?”

    Perhaps the same exiquet with the Lord would help us make good ” yes / No” decisions. We throw out thoughts to The Lord without taking the time to sit still and listen. Three choices are available in his response Yes. No. Wait.

    When we have that clear answer, then we have peace, clairify of mind and focus, and the all desired- success. Laughing. Don’t ask me what I think. I’ll come over and help you write the book!

    Love ya. Keep up the good work!

    Reply
  178. H.S.

    God does work in mysterious ways (-: I have been struggling with a situation where I keep trying to do the “right thing” and in the process I keep getting hurt bc those I am dealing with do not have the same values I have. It is complicated because it is family. But I am beginning to realize that stepping away and praying for them would be best for my mind and my heart. To have some guidance on these complicated situations would be a wonderful blessing. (-:

    Reply
  179. Rhonda

    Dear Lysa,
    Every single day you encourage me and the Lord uses your words to draw me to Him. Thank you for saying “yes” to His promptings to write. What a blessing you are to me and many others.
    I did not know how to say “no” until I was married and had children. My wise husband allows us 3 extra curricular activities. Even if they’re in church. So, I can be in Bible study, be on the Women’s leadership team and volunteer at school. Currently, I have 4 things I take violin for fun. So far, I am not overwhelmed. But I remember when I was. I did not like myself then. Not at all. I had to practice saying “no”. I was fortunate enough to have a strong husband who was happy to be the bad guy. My easy out was “Let me ask Frank” and “Let me check my calendar”. Both gave me time to assess my situation or situations and get back to the person, usually over the phone to avoid eye contact (cowardly, I know!). However, that became a habit. I rarely make on the spot plans anymore.
    Most importantly I have noticed how my love for Jesus has increased and I find myself longing to rest in Him. I can’t do that if I’m worn to a frazzle. The more time I have with Him the more I find I want. I can’t have more time with Him if I’m all over town all the time.
    I hope my words have helped and have given you ideas. Thank you again for being a part of my life! I just purchased “What Happens When Young Women Say Yes to God” for my daughter and I to read together. We can’t wait!!!
    love and hugs,
    Rhonda

    Reply
  180. beth willis miller

    Lysa, love the concept for your new book…uncrazy women…women who are peaceful, humble, elegant…women who are overwhelmed by grace…reminds me of this Scripture…”These things I plan won’t happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day!”–Habakkuk 2:3 TLB I wrote a blog post around that Scripture and how life unfolds according to God’s Sovereign plan…what we say “yes” to…. http://ow.ly/jgu54

    Reply
  181. Shawna

    The first two things that came to my mind were the following: 1) there is a quote floating around out there somewhere (soooo wish I could find it again!) about if a task you say yes to ends up draining you in a negative way instead of fulfilling you, it is highly likely God did NOT require it of you…the idea being He gives grace and supernatural strength for tasks He asks us to fulfill, but not so for things we take ourselves… 2) being real and not so terribly perfect gives others permission to be themselves. If we appear perfect, we put our acquaintances on edge.
    I would love to see you address this issue from the aspect of being a caregiver of some sort. It is very difficult to always know what should be set aside and what should still be tackled with the added responsibilities of caring for an ill or handicapped person. And at what point do we say yes to something for our own growth or benefit or would our time be better spent serving our loved one? I know these are scattered thoughts…hopefully they make some sense!! Lol! Thank you for tackling the hard stuff of life!

    Reply
  182. Jane

    As a Bible study leader I am continually amazed by the decisions we women make about our lives. I think that the feminist gospel has managed to dilute our understanding of God’s love for us by encouraging us to make many decisions based on our own feelings. Underlying this is a dearth of understanding and knowledge of the Scriptures. Our values have been shaped by society and not the Word. I look forward to read the final book and sharing it with my Bible study ladies.

    Reply
  183. Amanda

    Lysa,
    So interesting to read your blog today. I had a text conversation this morning with a dynamic lady who has expressed an interest in leading a Bible study at our church. Since I serve on the leadership team for women’s ministry, I was communicating with her about this possibility for the fall. In the conversation she listed all the wonderful things she is already doing along with working full time. Everything she is involved in is awesome & will result in lots of fruit for the Kingdom of God, but I asked her to really pray & seek God’s direction as to whether or not she really has time to add Bible study leadership to the mix. It also lead me to think about “capacity”. I’m here to tell you, I’m a low capacity person. I need lots of margin & white space on the page or I’m in overwhelmed mode. However, a friend of mine has an amazingly large capacity. She owns & operates 2 stores, still has a teenager at home, is involved in his extra-curricular activities, serves with me on women’s leadership team, serves in the youth ministry & I could go on. Just talking to her makes me dizzy! She can manage that level, but I know I cannot. So, seeking God’s direction on what He wants us to say “Yes” & “No” to is key. We cannot look at our girlfriends & think, “She’s crazy busy & it works for her, so I should be able to be that productive.” Nope. Productive for me looks completely different & God knows just how much I can handle & will not overextend me to the point that it stresses my marriage & other relationships. Or to the point that I’m so overwhelmed that I stare into space thinking, “I’ve got so much I need to do that I can’t decide what to do first!” What a needed topic this is!

    Reply
  184. Kristina Sloan

    I can’t wait to read this book! I LOVED Unglued — it really spoke to me as I’m sure this book will also. Thank you.

    Reply
  185. Melanie Miller

    There is definitely a need for wisdom in this area. I am looking forward to reading this book.
    I wonder how to have the courage to say no or yes when it is not popular, even among other Christian families. To not be sucked into the cycle of every kid in multiple activities every season when it is “for the good of the children”. How to not have guilt over not giving your children everything even when you can afford it even though the other Bible study moms are doing it? When did we start thinking we were missing out on something if we are not involved in everything? When did we decide quantity was better than quality? How do we re-program ourselves, our children, our spouses to not be so comfortable with multi-tasking but to see the value in simply, challengingly, being present where ever we are? When I am with my kids in the evening, deciding to leave the hand held devices off so I can focus on them & the conversation. When I am on a date with my husband, no checking emails on my phone. How do I become intentional in my decision making without it always becoming a “major decision”?
    Yes, this book is needed! Thank you.

    Reply
  186. Lisa H.

    I’d like some “guidelines” to think through when making yes/no decisions. Sometimes it’s difficult to understand if my reticence is laziness or selfishness or wisdom, or just that God isn’t calling me. Also, I think our culture has such an expectation of a certain level of “crazy” that if we choose NOT to live like that, that we feel guilty or invalidated….like we’re not enough of a “somebody” to have a busy life…..

    Reply
    • Angie

      I agree Lisa! I often wonder if I’m setting boundaries and being healthy or being selfish. When I agree to participate in certain activities, because I feel like I “should”, I often find myself completing them halfheartedly. I have trouble processing what is an opportunity to grow vs. sometimes being a grown up isn’t that fun and we have to do things we don’t feel like doing or agreeing to the things that I enjoy and it doesn’t feel like work. How do I know which of these God is calling me to?

      Reply
      • Jana

        One of the most helpful questions I’ve found for sorting out an overloaded schedule is: “Where am I most replaceable?” Someone else can sit on the committee in my place; no one else can mother my kids. (I’m not saying you should only serve at home; just that when your schedule is clearly overstuffed, this question can help weed out some of the lesser things.)
        Another good question is: “What’s my motivation?” Am I trying to get points for being supermom (100 brownies for the bake sale, anyone?), or am I doing this purely for the Father?

        Reply
  187. Carisa

    Ugh. I am the poster child for this book! I keep going around this mountain! I’m really learning that you can’t have it all at the same time. There are truly seasons for everything. Until a few months ago, I was trying to have it all at the same time, but I was really a mess. I was overcommitted, stressed out, and had no peace. I was functioning on insane amounts of caffeine and very little sleep, and my marriage and my three little girls were taking the brunt. Then it happened. After I had worked a 60-hour week to meet a deadline—turning down requests to read books and play Polly Pockets with my little girls, missing time with friends, and having my husband complain for the upteenth time about wanting my time—my leaders pushed that deadline back to accommodate their own priorities. That’s when I crashed and burned. I sobbed on the living room floor so hard that my youngest said she was calling 9-1-1. It was just the swift kick I needed. I made very drastic changes and started saying yes to the right things and no to the wrong ones.

    That lasted about three months. But then I did it again. I replaced the near-idol of my career with the near-idol of my kids’ activities. But I caught on sooner this time. When I felt my peace slipping, I started chopping the schedule again. Now, I don’t have an anxiety attack every time I glance at the dry erase calendar on the fridge; the peace is restored.

    I am so encouraged by you, your books, the webcast, and your Facebook posts. I use them almost daily in my efforts to encourage others. I know this book will be right on time. <3

    Reply
  188. Carol Masteller

    I agree with Lisa H., in that if we step back a bit, take a breath, some people will wave their DayRunner and say something semi-unkind. It’s the same when some people go on and on about their annual vacays…I get tired listening to them!

    Anyway, if you could teach us about *how* to know which road to take (loved your pic) it would be so helpful! The “yes” or the “no” or the “busy signal” sometimes sound alike.

    Reply
  189. Annie

    Lysa, you always know the very thing a woman’s heart is calling out to understand. Craziness is my understatement this week (and more). Snagged? Yes, the wind is squally, fast and furious out there this morning and I’ve been running in and out of places through it…my hair is like a bird’s nest, my head is spinning and I feel just like one of those 2 week old lunch papers that the wind has blown 3 streets down and snagged on the barbed wire fence. Worn out? Even though I’ve slept, I feel like it’s 10:30pm rather than 10:30am. Worn down? Right down! Ragged, well there’s a reason why my email address includes the words Raggedy Annie Magee…but you know what, it’s right there in my weaknesses of living the crazy hair up in the air days, that God becomes my strength and the fast and furious wind suddenly becomes a loving gentle breeze that lifts me up off the barbed wire fence, carries me until He sets my feet, back on the rock and breathes a breath just enough to move me on again. Write like the wind dear Lysa, we need this book…fast!

    Reply
  190. Janet Hannah

    I just recently became very aware of the fact that everything I do is being absorbed and interpreted and possibly impacting my young 9 yr old son (why did i know realize this earlier??). Anyway – one tends to usually (but not always) make the “better” decision knowing it will impact their child(ren)… One of my favorite statements to him is regarding going to church, “When you don’t feel like going, is exactly the time you NEED to go!!” Are we showing our kids good examples of how to behave/treat others/etc??? If that doesn’t convict you…

    Reply
  191. Amy D

    This is such a sweet and simple truth. I am the product of my decisions. No one else will reflect my decisions so perfectly more than I do. My spiritual life reflects my decisions, my home, my relationships, my body, my spouse, my career, my everything. Pure reflections of my good or poor decisions. There is much joy in this statement but also sadness. But I know in lack of my decisions or wise choices God is directing my step and I am trying to bring all things before Him to let him direct my yes and my no’s.

    Reply
  192. momnme

    Lysa,my heavenly precious friend!!! You have read my mind. Although I enjoyed thoroughly the reading of Unglued, which I know you’ve heard thousands of women say, THIS, however, hits MY nail on the head. I live with a negative, anti-social, critical, but yet wonderful husband. I have always been a very giving, compassionate, non-selfish person. However, over the 15+ years, I have seen myself becoming more and more like him, to the point where I don’t even like myself. This constant fight within me leaves me completely, worn out, ragged, non-sleeping and upset with life in general. I need to find a way to find myself again and this book sounds like something that would REALLY help me. Could it possibly address issues of this when you are married to people like that??? I haven’t read a book yet with that particular situation, mostly about other people in general, which you can really pull away from. This attitude is slowly trickling down into my 3 children. I SEE IT! It is evident! Please pray that I can become my ‘use-to-be’ compassionate, loving, nurturing God-driven self again!! Thank you for everything you do!!! You have no idea how you have blessed me!

    Reply
  193. Shelly S. Cantrell

    Next to Jesus, Paul is my hero; and next to Paul you’d find good ole James on my list.

    When I read your post, ten words penned by James echoed in my mind: let your yes be yes and your no be no. It’s one of my favorite passages from one of my favorite men because it’s a seemingly simple call to action that clearly calls us to something greater than what it simply seems.

    But it’s complicated.

    In a world where saying “yes” is heralded and saying “no” is often viewed as some kind of dirty word, it’s hard to just say “no.”

    It makes me feel less than.

    So I’m challenging my mindset and heeding my hero’s words. My “yes” is not a “yes” if in my heart I really want to say “no.” My “no” is not a “no” if I go on the trip my guilt takes me and dumps me off at the place where I go back on my word and say “yes”.

    Girl, am I convicted! And wouldn’t you know that this message comes at a crucial time… a time in which I “want” to say “yes” to a request out of guilt but know my “no” needs to be “no.”

    Thank you, Lysa; and thank You, Jesus.

    Lord: Give me the courage to be obedient ~ Amen.

    Reply
  194. Donna Thackston

    Wow!
    I am learning all of this…little by little. Yes is way too easy, but no is still hard to say sometimes. I believe, as women, we try to “fix” everything. This “fixing” leaves little time to repair ourselves. We need to empower each other by giving the freedom to do what is best for us– not what we think other expect of us. If we want to be remembered in a positive way, then we must put our best “us” forward and trust the Holy Spirit to guide our choices.

    Reply
  195. Kim Gill

    I have a terrible issue of saying “yes” to please my husband even when I don’t agree or believe in what he does, I do it to make him happy. However when I do this it makes me feel terrible, like I hate myself and every thing I stand for. The issue I’m speaking of is gambling. I say yes to make him happy but it goes against every moral fiber I have. I need to learn to say “no” in a Godly fashion and stand firm on what I believe….. I would love to learn how to do that…

    Reply
  196. Luciene

    I love the title and especially the photo! It reminds me of Robert Frost’s poem….’two roads diverged in a wood….’ I just finished a study at church from Henry Cloud/Townsend’s book ‘Boundaries’, and it sounds like your next book may be heading in that direction. Which if so, good idea, and to be focused more on women and their relationships and numerous responsibilities we tackle on a daily basis. Life is all about creating boundaries and the more we learn the better to put those fences up with our swinging ‘Yes/No’ gate.
    I often wonder. How DO you read all these many comments you receive daily?! Keep up the good work!

    Reply
  197. Phyllis

    WOW!!!! How I am struggling with this right now. What do I step away from and where do I stay? Am I shortchanging God as much as I am shortchanging myself?
    Being a people pleaser is making this even harder. I do not want to let anyone down, but I am beginning to feel that the one I am letting down is myself.
    Prayers are needed for guidance and clarity.
    I would also love to have a study that addresses these issues.
    Have a blessed evening ladies.

    Reply
  198. Gloria

    Reminded me of an Andy Stanley sermon I recently listened to, the summary of which was “I am doing a good work, I will not come down.”

    Reply
  199. Kristen

    Lately I have been struggling with some things and trying to work on my relationship with God. My decision to read my Bible, pray, and trust God with my life makes everything easier and makes my decision process easier as well. When I make the decision not to do those things or not to do them fully, it affects my day and everyone around me.

    Reply
    • Julie Serré-Palmer

      Amen to that !

      I just have recently returned to Christ. I might not be the craziest woman you’ve ever met but my life choices have brought me very close. Three kids at 21 years old, a mother who was in an accident and is paralized for life, an alcoholic father, a drug addict (mentally abusive) husband who finally got diagnosed with psychophrenia. I decided to become wonder woman. My true belief was that I was called to take care of everyone. 20 years later I was broken, hurt, alone and thinking of ending my life. Had I understood Christ’s love for me, I would have realized that is not the life he wanted for me. Had I understood that my human flesh was incapable of such a task and started to say no instead of becoming a enabler, a provider, a single parent, a caretaker …..
      I am a new creation in Christ now, and I finally said no to that life. I am in my bible everyday, praying and trusting God with my life also. He has already broken some serious bondage. I am finally focusing on myself and my well being and it feels great.
      I think my life story would be a book itself.
      Thank you Jesus for your love and deliverance and the work you will continue to make in me so that I may serve you !

      Reply
  200. Kyndra

    “The decisions we make, make the life we live.”
    My first thought was ….or….the decisions that we DON’T make, make the life we live. I’ve struggled at times with just going with the flow. Indecision is also a decision!

    I remember times in social situations where I REALLY wanted to go or do something, but I wouldn’t because I was so scared to speak up…what if they didn’t WANT to do what I suggested–I was so insecure with myself that I allowed indecision to rule my life.

    Thankfully, I now realize that I am God’s precious daughter, and I am valuable, and that God wants me to make the decisions that will allow me to walk in His precious light on the path that He has planned for me. In order to help discern whether or not to say yes or no, I must go to his feet and pray earnestly for a word from Him, AND….I have to be willing to go against what my natural tendency would have me do in many instances if I truly feel that is what God would have me do.

    Thank the Lord for imperfect progess! (Yep…LOVED Unglued and have many take aways from it—-THANK YOU for empowering us!)

    Reply
  201. Sherry

    Lysa, I am so excited about this book you are writing. I am at a point in my life where I have been really evaluating what I want to say yes to and what I need to say no to. Someone told me when asked to do something and your response needs to be “no” – first point out two positives about that request and then say “no” with no reasons. Just a straight “no”. For example, if someone calls you to organize an event for a local charity, you can start the conversation saying how much you support the charity and recognize the efforts of so many, but I can’t do this at this time. I have used this advice and it really works. Thought I would offer this suggestion to you. I look forward to reading this book. I have just finished leading your Made To Crave study with 15 women at our church. We loved it! Thanks for being so real and genuine.

    Reply
  202. Barbara keane

    I am looking forward to this book. My problem has always been not being able to say no. Everywhere I look, people need help, and it seems like I am the only one that can! I am an at home mom and to tell you the truth I often wonder if I was working if I would have less on my plate. I think people assume that because I am not working that I have time for it all, and the people I volunteer to help, really really need the help. I feel like I cant say no because it is very important. But often times this results in me not being able to do the things I should be doing for my own family.

    Reply
  203. Julie

    Dear Lysa,
    When my kids were younger, I remember coming down with a cold. “You don’t have time to be sick,” I told myself. WHAT????!!! What was the whole world going to come crashing down if I was laid up for a day or two?! I had so many plates spinning at once: home, family, work, church responsibilities, sports for the kids, etc. . . When did I forget I was part of the human race (the part that gets an ocassional cold)? I have since cleared my calendar and tried to choose each activity VERY carefully. My enthusiasm clearly outstrips my reality. If I’m burnt out and frazzled, I’m not effective for Jesus or anyone else. I still have to be on guard about my enthusiasm, but life is so much better when there is margin in it! It is truly a process, but the balance and peace is wonderful. Thanks for all YOU do! 😀

    Reply
  204. Sarah

    Well yes is easy and no is hard. But saying yes all the time causes stress, anger
    and then everything gets all messy. If I start to say yes and dread seeps in that’s my
    clue to say no. Lysa, I was in Syracuse NY at the Woman of Faith Conference this pass weekend and loved everything about it and your message was as always wonderful.
    But, I have no idea how you walk and stand in those heals you wear, I differently would say no to those shoes. Although you had your comfy’s on to my kind of foot wear,
    sneakers! :-):-):-).

    Reply
  205. Betsy Sajdak

    I would like to see the book cover how to say NO to friends — what I mean is a friendship that has run its course and one that doesn’t bring you closer to God…..

    Reply
    • tara

      betsy….
      I couldn’t help but notice your comment as I was leaving mine below yours. I’m praying for you now as you decide to say “No” to a friendship that has run its course and isn’t drawing you closer to the Lord.

      It’s such a hard thing letting go of a friendship that might be toxic. I’ve had to do this one time in my 39 years, and it was excruciating. But, I think we’re both better for letting go of the friendship. Sometimes our brokenness bumps up against their brokenness, and it just isn’t a healthy friendship. I have found that I pray for that friend that I had to walk away from…I’m learning that we can “love” others without having to be in close relationship with them.

      Prayers for you,
      Tara

      Reply
  206. Melissa Einersen

    The first thing that came to my mind was at times we have to say no to the good thing in life so we can say yes to the best thing. Our yes and no change as we grow in Christ. Something that would have been an yes a few years ago may now be a no. Our choice in answers show are we growing.

    Reply
  207. tara

    learning when to say “YES!” and when to say “NO” has been some of the best freedom God has given to me. As he has stripped me of that need to please others, it has become easier and easier to know when I truly need to say no to things.

    I can’t wait to read your book!!

    Reply
  208. Elise Daly Parker

    How to step away from your technology and be here now. Oh my and how to dispel the big fat lie that what we do is the only thing that gives us value…and leads to a can-do attitude that has us saying yes to the good that robs from the best. It took me so long to learn to say no…many mistakes and crazy stress later. My over-yessing was a sure route to being Unglued!!!

    Reply
  209. Sally

    Ooh – this is gonna be a good one! I wholeheartedly agree that our decisions are incredibly important. It’s easy to get caught up in busyness like Martha and not keep our focus on what is best, like Mary did. I can’t wait! 😉

    Reply
  210. Sondra

    Sounds like a great topic for a book. Touch on the fact that your decisions reflect your true priorities. Speak to women who have had to rearrange their life & discover their priorities. This requires saying yes & no more carefully including saying yes to help when you wish you could do it all yourself.

    Reply
  211. Ashley Morettie

    My life went from unstressed a month ago to extremely stressed now. I work 25 mins from home, my husband works 15 mins in the other direction where step-son also attends school and plays baseball. To attend his games I have to leave my job as a teacher as soon as the last student walks out the door and drive 40 mins to see him play. My nine year old daughter is playing softball closer to home. Plus to feel like I was contributing more at work I have said yes to things I never would have before. I planned a field trip. I am attending professional development twice a month. And I want to start back to school. It’s like I can’t say no to anything. I can’t wait for your new book. Maybe I can learn to prioritize my life.

    Reply
  212. Sue B.

    I can think of more times I have said no out of fear of the unknown than yes to something I was capable of doing but talked myself right out of it. How about discussing facing fear and saying yes to new frontiers in life: changing careers, taking a college course, standing in front of people and speaking your truth.

    Reply
  213. Wendy Howard

    Very interesting that I struggle with this all the time. I say yes to work but no to family. If you ask my clients, they would say they don’t know how I do everything I do and have time for my family. My family says thank you for working, but please put down your phone. I wonder if the reporter has the same issue as I do when she gets home, and what her family thinks of her? It would be interesting if you could turn the interview to her and her family. I look forward to seeing your finished book and what God shows you to write.

    Reply
  214. Donna

    Hi. This sounds like an amazing book. I am doing a Biblical Life Coaching course and one of the things that we have just learned about is discovering what our ‘values’ really are. When we know what our values are – the things that are of utmost importance to us – and we live our lives in line with our godly values, this makes it so much easier to say yes or no. If the task or situation does not line up with God’s Word and our values, the answer is no. If they do, then it could be a maybe or even a yes. This is not the one answer for everything but it has certainly helped me to clarify what my own gifts and values are in God and helps me to answer appropriately when I am asked to do something. This has somewhat taken the guilt and pressure off me to always say yes. I so look forward to reading your book. You are amazing!

    Reply
  215. denise

    When I don’t feel “called” to say yes to an opportunity I always remind my self of something I made up, at least I think I made it up (LOL) My “no” is an opportunity for someone else to say “yes.” I truly believe that there are people out there who will say yes, or are called to say yes, but if many of us are never saying no, how can someone else get the opportunity.
    also, I once heard a speaker at our church talk about taking a sabbath and time to ourselves. He said this world seems to prize people being super busy, certainly not something God had planned for us. He said to put an X on your calendar for the day you are taking off for a rest and if someone wants you to do something you can say you already have something on the calendar. You do, your day off, that big old X. We seem to think it is not ok to take a day off but we need to rest. We did this when our kids were in high school, we always picked one weekend a month where nothing could be scheduled. My husband was so frustrated that soccer parties and boy scout meetings or whatever were getting in the way of us having spontaneous fun as a family. We could never do anything because the calendar was filled with B list things, things that would not make us closer as a family, the A list things. So, we blocked out a weekend. Now, if we didn’t feel like doing something the kids could go off and do what they wanted, but if Dad woke up and wanted to go hiking, we knew we had already set the time aside for family and we went. You can’t get your days back at the end, you have to enjoy them now and being frazzled and crazy and busy is not how I want my family to remember me. We need to choose how we want to live. So many people think the choice is made for them by outside forces, it is not, as Ann Landers always say, “No one can take advantage of you without your permission.” I think the same thing can be said about our time and how we spend it. We give our permission to let it be swallowed up by too many things. Oops, better get off my soapbox now…tee hee

    Reply
    • denise

      Now that I think of it the boys were probably in middle school and early high school when we did this. Also, we called these outings FFF, Forced FAmily Fun. Yes, they were not always thrilled to go with us but we made them and they survived…ha ha.

      Reply
  216. Annalisa

    I believe decisions are chooses we make and and if we choose right then there is more joy in the out come if we choose poor/selfish than there is sorro for every one involved in it (in the long run).On of the most important thinks in making good decisions is taking time (that does not mean hours /in most cases) steeping away from the spot/ choice and letting God step in is a wonderfully thing and is always the rigth way.

    Reply
  217. onajourney

    I can’t wait to read the book when it’s finished!!! I think every woman I know struggles with this. I was reading through the comments and I thought Kyndra made an excellent point about decisions we DON”T make. I don’t have a problem speaking my mind but my husband does. Our preacher last week in a sermon called it dontwannarocktheboatism. My husband’s inability to make a decision led him to an affair with a co-worker, she wanted him and he couldn’t say no. He was sad, depressed and miserable for months, but he lacked the ability to stop it. He was actually relieved when he got caught! As you can imagine its been a real struggle and challenge for our marriage to survive. So, any way I am sure there are lot of people, men and women that struggle with some form of it (whether its being a people pleaser or being non-confrontational) and it would be great to see that addressed with some advice on how to overcome it. For me, I can’t wait to hear what you have to say on this whole subject. Your books have such great insight and wonderful applications. Thank you! Keep pressing on!!!

    Reply
  218. Eunice Rice

    I keep a quote by my desk that reads “Stress comes when we allow the many voices in life to drown out the only voice that really matters, the voice of God.” — Mary Southerland. To help me choose between better and best I try to remember the differences between God’s economy and the world’s economy: often my stress comes from trying to please the world’s economy in life — how I look, what I wear, what I “do” with my time — when ften in God’s economy only one thing is ‘needful’ — to sit at His feet and listen/be (love). I know that is way oversimplified but as I breathe and let myself picture it for myself and others, I can let them and myself have the freedom to not function in the world’s economy, but in God’s. That’s where I try to remain focused as the chaos swirls. You’ll have another winner of a book, I’m sure, Lysa!! 🙂

    Reply
  219. Kara

    I am excited to read this book the beginning is already pulling me in! 🙂 It would definitely be nice to see a section on how we can unselfishly say yes to ourselves. My professor made a good point the other day saying that if we aren’t a priority in our own lives we can’t effectively help others. – Just a thought 🙂

    Reply
  220. Melissa

    Lysa I am always blessed by your words, and I know it is because God is guiding them. Other than the Bible, of course, no other author speaks to the place in my heart that needs guidance, encouragement, a giggle and understanding like you do. Love you sweet sister and thank you for embracing your precious gift!

    Reply
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  222. Jillian Perry

    WOW !! What an awesome subject for a book! For years I have struggled with saying “No” to requests, from friends, co-workers, family, Church associates…you get it. I always felt I would be letting someone down if I dared to utter that one syllable, two letter demon of a word…no! But the breaking point came, it had to, the realization that I was letting someone down by NOT saying it! My self, and more likely, God. Was I consulting Him with these numerous requests & demands on my attention? Did I even consider Him? It is truly ok to say no, it can even be freeing. Saying no,on occasion, allows us to be available to say a hearty YES to the things He wants us to, things that build up others & point them to a loving Father, and an obediant daughter.
    Can’t wait to read the completed work!!

    Reply
  223. trudy

    Lysa I struggle with saying yes & then realize when it is too late that I said yes because I was in the moment. Even when I pray, i’m not always sure that God wants me to do this or i’m saying yes because someone asked me. I doubt myself if God is telling me or it’s me telling me to say yes. Recently I said yes & did not realize the tremendous amount of time that was involved, did not receive enough training & was overwhelmed. When asked to take it again for the next year said yes knowing that I wasn’t sure. Decided I couldn’t do it again & then dreaded having to resign; finally resigned & then felt guilty for resigning & worrying about what God thinks about me, what punishment will follow or what He really wants me to do. Now to the point that I don’t want to say yes to anything. So, how do you really, really know when it’s God or when it’s because you were asked & feel like you can’t say no.

    Reply
  224. Virginia

    Lysa, you express so well the confusion many of us have allowed into our lives. My home congregation is nearly finished with The 31 week Story series, which focuses on how the lower story of our lives appears through the lens of God’s Upper Story. We get so wrapped up in the day to day lower story that we miss the blessings of God’s Upper Story and the plans He has for each of us. The Upper Story will happen whether we choose to participate or not; imagine the blessings we miss when we allow our lower stories to consume us!

    Reply
  225. JulieB

    Practical and tangible ways to say yes or no. Give Scriptures that help build the framework and the process. But then walk us through the steps of how to…
    1. Discern that yes is the right answer
    2. Know when we need to pause and not respond right away
    3. Say no to our extended families, our friends, our kids, the kids school, the ministry team at church, the whatever is asking for us / our time / our energy
    4. Not be over taken by guilt, shame, pressure that we are not doing enough, giving enough, serving enough, and on and on.

    We are busy women who obviously are not making decisions well with the tools we currently have (myself totally included in this group) – the decisions that we are making our making our lives crazy (and us crazy). Don’t just show us the store where we can buy the tools – take us right where we need to go, help us pick up the right tool, and then show us how to use it on our own projects.

    Thank you for listening to the nudging of the Holy Spirit in regards to this book – this is so very needed.

    Reply
  226. Katy

    A mentor said to me recently, “Keep your eyes on where you want to go, and steer in that direction.” This little phrase has helped to guard my heart and guide my decision. It has even reminded me, to quote Lysa, to “let God chisel.” Having a goal and a focus is so important to living a life free from bondage.

    Reply
  227. Amber Shaffer

    Just this little but of the book spoke to my heart and is making me think. I am very excited to read the while book and study and learn from it.

    Reply
  228. teresa

    Wonderful.
    One thing came to mind when I read this, the shoulds. Maybe because I am struggling with that right now. Dealing with the shoulds. Checking them with the Word of God and also with the season I am in.
    But the idea of a yes that I feel wonderful about and a no I feel equally wonderful about. Would help so much. Because unfortunately I find myself saying yes and then not following through properly which makes people not have all of those wonderful descriptives for me. Or I say no and I should myself to death or long for what I said no aobut.

    Reply
  229. Lynnae Bussell

    Lysa:

    This little snapshot of your new book is very good. I love the idea that it is setting up guidelines to help us (ladies) to deal with the emotion of our answers as yes or no. I have nor read unglued but I am planning too. I am even considering it for a summer Bible study.

    Reply
  230. Paula Kyle

    I am always afraid to say ‘No’ … always left with a guilty feeling of wanting to say ‘No’ thinking by not saying ‘Yes’ I am letting the other person down, letting the Lord down.
    I’ve struggled with this pretty much all my life (I am now 52). I am a giver, a gifter. I enjoy helping and giving to others. So, when someone is in need of my time when I don’t feel like ‘giving’ it…. the guilt hits. The text or voicemail sits in my phone unanswered. I fight with myself everytime before I pray over it. In reading the ‘excerpt’ above, sounds like my little paragraph of life might have a remedy in your new book, plus much more. As always Lysa, our Heavenly Father is at work in you so that your ‘gift’ is poured out on all of us. Blessings, Hugs n Love …. a fellow ‘imperfect progress’ Paula

    Reply
  231. Candy

    All I can say is Lysa is “hurry up” and write!!! I can’t wait for this book. You have no idea how your words in EVERY book you write impact my life for the better. You make me stop, think, ponder and want to become better each and every day. I love you Lysa. Please don’t ever stop writing. You make an everyday ordinary person like me feel like I could become something great!

    Reply
  232. Pat Cobb

    I think you are on to something. We need the tools to make good decisions as well as permission to say no when needed. Our society has taught us that we can AND SHOULD have it all as well as do it all and that something must be wrong with us if we don’t. That way of thinking leads to bondage.

    I look forward to reading the final product. Thank you for using your gifts to bless and encourage women.

    Reply
  233. Jenise

    Wow!! I cannot wait to read this book! This message speaks clearly to one of my biggest struggles. I feel guilty saying no to anyone for any reason. I tend to take WAY too much on and then obsess about completing everything perfectly. On those rare instances that i am forced to say no due to scheduling conflicts, etc, i worry for days about whether or not people are upset with me. It haunts me. I work it over and over in my mind, trying to see if there were some way that i could have possibly made it work. I know that i need to set boundaries. I’ve been told that many times. I know that i need to let a lot of the worry and guilt go. Your words from today’s post spoke to me differently than all of those other “say no” messages. Something clicked. It was refreshing and encouraging. Your other books have been such a blessing to me. I cannot wait to see what God has in store for this one!

    Reply
  234. Angie

    Wow, Lysa!!

    Thanks for food for thought this morning. My heart is encouraged to know others are struggling w their “yeses” and “nos”!! How I long for peace in my “nos”! Can’t wait for this “string of words” to be printed!

    I want you to know,too, that after almost 3 years, I continue to go back, go back, go BACK to your “Crave” book, as it has come to be know to my friends/coworkers and I. I “crave” the scriptures/encouragement i find there. God is using you and that book to help me work toward my weight/goal but more important to grow closer to Him in the process. When I’m having a bad food choice day I know I can pick that up and get a quick fix—and “food” from God’s Word. Yes, I do turn to my Bible but in a hurry my crave book is handy!

    Blessings to you sister!

    Reply
  235. Karon

    I’m older than your target group I think, but I love your writing! This reminded me of two things that happened when I was a young mom. My mom helped with child are for us. I came home one day and after she left realized she had put a sign on my phone that said NO! In big letters, subtle… Another time I had a patient, an elderly woman who had raised 6 kids. She respond to my comment of “my husband says I have helium hands when it comes to volunteering.” I was really kind of whining to her, that I end up doing so much because others don’t volunteer. She actually reprimanded me. She was kind of a tough old bird! She said “when u volunteer quickly you are robbing the slow of the blessing of serving, and what if you’re not really being called?” It really made me think. I often served out of need, still do. I see need so easy, it’s how God wired me and I’m a pleaser. I started telling those who asked ” I won’t leave you stranded, but lets see if anyone else comes forward… amazingly someone usually did.” I think I had become so dependable people came to me first and I was frankly burnt out, not what God wants. I think it sounds like a great book in this type A run world! Everything is go go go. I have to really work on slowing down.

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  236. Susan Roberts

    I have been a “yes” girl all of my life. I feel a great sense of obligation and responsibility to my family, church, friends and employer to please them. And that is the underlying problem – people-pleasing.

    Reply
  237. Sheila

    “The decisions we make, make the life we live. So if we want to live better, we’ve got to decide better.”
    That’s awesome. Thank you.
    Sheila

    Reply
  238. LeeAnna

    Sounds amazing and can’t wait to read it! Unglued has been awesome so I know I will enjoy this!!!!

    Reply
  239. Sue

    Saying no can be hard , as if your a person who likes to get involved with everything because you don’t want to miss out, you can wear yourself out! However you do have to have a good think! If you say yes will you be able to give the 100% to the thing or person you want to help with , or will it just be a weak effort of trying to fit something in just because you feel you must, or you don’t want to miss out.
    Prayer and getting peace is a great starter to knowing if it is right. Recently I was invited to get involved with a new pastoral type venture , and it was an exciting venture, but after prayer and thought , I decided as good as it sounded I could not give the 100% to this new venture this year , that is not to say I wouldn’t be able to in the future. So I said No, for the time being and feel very peaceful, about my decision and the person leading the new ministry venture , said thanks for being honest. So everyone was happy. So sometimes No is the right thing to say!

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  240. Jennifer

    There has to be one of Murphy’s Laws that always seems to occur as soon as I say yes to something – other unexpected events occur that swallow up more of my time that I didn’t plan on, and it makes that commitment I just made seem more daunting. So, I would love to hear your wisdom about planning for the unplanned to happen. I try to make Godly, wise decisions about what I am committing to, and my husband is very good about helping me to look at all the factors before deciding on big commitments (how will it impact the family, will I be losing sleep and then dragging for days/weeks afterward because I’m so exhausted, will it make me so stressed out that my snippy, cranky, drill-sargent alter ego comes out? You know, those helpful things that husbands say!). So, I guess, getting Godly advice from someone that is close enough to you to know how this decision will affect you is important, especially if it is someone that isn’t invested in the activity. Lysa, I’m sure God will put on your heart exactly what He wants us all to know, and I can’t wait to read the book. I’ve prayed for you this morning, that the words would flow fluidly from you, that you would have clarity and purpose, and that you would have peace in writing this book. Thank you for listening to Him, and sharing yourself with us!

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  241. Sondra H

    Oh Lysa perfect timing on this book once again! I needed it yesterday and the day before yesterday! So I can’t wait for it to be published! You are so on track with this issue and I believe nearly all women struggle with this on a daily basis. I was brought up to be nice and accommodating to everyone. Which is “not” a bad thing – right!? However, by always saying yes to just about everyone “all” of the time has gotten me into “trouble” in many ways. It’s almost as if a person can find themselves in a bit of a mess from being “too kind”? Strage as it sounds, but I’ve found where people often take advantage of you when you are constanting saying “yes” to them. Please don’t misunderstand, it’s important to be kind! 🙂 But hopefully you know what I’m trying to say… God has been teaching me personally that I have to learn to say no at times and that it’s okay! The problem seems to happen when we as women tend to put “others” before God. Almost as an idol if you will. We are too focused too often on being people pleasers than God pleasers. Like you said in your book “Unglued”, “I choose God”. That has stuck in my mind more than I can tell you! It’s been an amazing help to me in my decision making. I pause, stop and think about my decision and think what is in alignment with truth and God’s word, then I make my decision by “choosing God”. This can suprisingly effect almost all of my daily decisions. All the while keeping in mind it’s not about being “legalistic” but about making “imperfect progress”! Thank you Lysa for listening to God and sharing what He’s speaking to you through your words! They are always a blessing to me!

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  242. Alecia

    I may be totally off track but I looked at this quote with a broader perspective. You see, at 41 I am finishing my last semester of college as a student teacher. If I would have continued to say no to going back to school I would still have turned 41. I would have been treading along continually asking myself “what ifs” and “whys.” Time still passes whether I make changes or not. We have to say yes to change. Now if I can learn to balance all this new responsibility! 😉

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  243. Bev

    Pulled into this – wanted to keep reading – guess I will have to wait for the finished product! 🙂

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  244. Carla VanBockel

    The quote that you have reminds me of a quote I have on a plaque in my kitchen. It says “If you love the life you live, you will live a life of love.” We have a choice each day to not only make decisions about our path but to make those decision out of love. Love for our Heavenly Father, love for our family, love for our friends, love for our neighbors, love for ourselves. This will lead us to live a life we love!

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  245. Lisa R.

    I want to be less crazy! But I really have been working on saying no, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. I have a hand-written index card over my desk that says “it’s not your problem.” So on the days when I can’t save the world all by myself, I don’t feel quite so bad.

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  246. Andrea Selvey

    I. Can’t. Wait. Hurry! 🙂

    Reply
  247. Kathie

    Practical steps to take the craziness out of my life and empowerment to say NO to the crazies in my life… write quick, Lysa!!

    Your family’s description of the reporter and the conversation around the dinner table: Girl! that alone tells me you are beyond blessed; that you have made some way good decisions! You need to write this book! Like I said write quick — we need to read – decisions are awaiting!!

    Reply
  248. Kelly S

    Well you asked for some thoughts, and after reading that I can’t help but thinking that to be knowing our yesses from no’s, we first have to stand back and let God know and guide us so that we know where our yeses and no’s need to be placed. And if we know we’re in the right place at the right moment with God then we can sit back and take the time needed to do our duty where were supposed to be at and we don’t have to rush and like Karen says we can let it go and do our jobs in the moment. But you can absolutely tell when someone takes the time to give you there 100% attention that you feel more cared about and more love then when someone’s in a hurry and has other things on their mind. Sometimes things just aren’t our job. But if they are a job God will let us know and he’ll give us strength to do them!

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  249. Kathie

    More thoughts.
    Motivation to say NO to ME! Relative to TIME especially.

    Reply
  250. Mary Lou

    Oh my goodness! I can’t wait to read your book. I so much want to be like that reporter and not the crazed, hurried woman I all too often am…with my attention all over the place. This probably sounds childish, but I’m always afraid that if I say no, I’m going to miss something…something fun or exciting or powerful. So I say yes. Is that some kind of fear or insecurity on my part? Probably! But i need to learn to say no without feeling like I’m missing out by doing so.

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  251. Juli

    In the handful of ministries I’m involved in, I discovered I haven’t been doing my best in all of them. I have been torn. Distracted. And now frustrated because I can tell that my lack of focus is starting to affect those Ministies and my effectiveness. That means I need to let something go. I’ve asked God for direction. Seeking His best. And in the meantime asking for His grace to excel at all of it til I know what to let go. That’s how I know when to say no. When I stop giving my best.

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  252. Chelsey

    Lisa I have read your book unglued and I love it. I just have one question. What is the best way to handly coworker drama when working with all women at a day school and then how do I stay calm when the children are just not listening and I am coming unglued by this point. It seems that this is daily for me. Please help.

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  253. Shannon B.

    This is is a subject that has been front and center with me over the past few years. I have amazing women that have walked this road ahead of me, and listening to their regrets has really changed my perception on what is truly important and what can be discarded. I found it really surprising what I considered a “priority” that didn’t need to be on my radar at all! Of course, there are times that I look at my schedule and I think, “Good GRIEF! How did I get so much going on!” but I know how to stop those times before they overrun my life (mostly). I guess I got the message when I figured out that constantly being on my phone, computer, messenger and checking my calendar basically was highlighting how selfish and self-important I was! I was pretty darned rude to a lot of people! Learning to be in the moment, and saying no to a lot of things so that I have the white space to stay in the moment and not lose focus is a very hard discipline but one that is doable. Sounds like a great start to your book. I am betting you will be teaching on setting boundaries and that will not be fun but is so important! My kids know that they will not always be the most important person in the moment. Yes, I will love them and care about what they have to say, but they don’t always get my attention first “no matter what”, and I don’t drop everything to address them every time they want my attention. That helped so much me being able to put my communication network down and just being where I was at. Keep tackling this subject sister!

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  254. Leslie

    Excellent. Convicting. That’s all i have to say about that:)

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  255. Lisa R.

    Hi Lysa! For me (at this time in my life, anyway), the most important yeses and nos are the ones I address to myself. That is, what will be my priorities today, what things will have to be cut from the schedule, what kinds of unplanned things do I need to respond to positively (mostly meaning my children; I am not so good at changing my plans), and what things is God telling me I need to start focusing on? What long-time dreams do I need to take off the shelf and address? Can I remember to take a few minutes to show love to my family? Can I find the energy to not procrastinate but instead sit down and write that note to a friend or relative who’s struggling? It’s those little day-to-day decisions that challenge me the most and that also can end up leaving me feeling like a failure. Both of your other recent projects addressed major issues of mine (while also being delightful to read), and I am excited about what this one will speak to my life. I thank God you kept writing no matter how discouraged you felt at times. When things get stressful, I hope you remember your sisters out here who love your voice and your heart.

    Reply
  256. vanessa stephens

    This is amazing!!!!!!! When I read this, it took my breath away. After being a little scattered lately about direction in my life, I ask my husband if he could describe me in one word, what would it be? He said “unpredictable.” (He didn’t waste any time either) Well, I did not like this at all and to tell the truth it was exactly what God wanted me to hear because this is what others were seeing in me at this time in my life where I seem to be so undecided. After some alone time with God and His word, He began giving me clear direction in what to do. Wow, how amazing I just jumped over here and read your post Lysa. Funny thing is I have been doing this in some of teaching situations with others. God is good!!

    Love
    Vanessa

    Reply
  257. Nan

    I can suggest 2 women have are walking illustrations of choices that make a life:
    Sarita Leone ( an author) and Kari Engen at Mi Refugio (you can google both)
    There are testimonies to tell …..

    Reply
  258. Megan Sinisi

    As I rush from task to task, day to day, and event to event, in the quiet, still moments I find that the thoughts swirling around my head are ones that whisper things that speak so directly to my heart that I am pierced. But most of the time, I am so busy to really pay attention. I am a firm believe that there are underlying thoughts, feelings, and deep wounds that are the very core of everything we do in life that has the potential to destroy us. Some of the ones for my business are as follows:

    “What are you trying to prove?”
    Well, the answer to that question is that I am striving to remind myself that I am, in fact, capable of being loved and I am going to prove it by holding the entire world on my shoulders. I am worth being loved, cherished, and treasured like the jewel I am. However I don’t truly believe that I am that jewel in the King’s eye. So I have to earn it. I have to work for it. I have to do so in such a way that I grind myself down to the dust that man was formed out of, only to still feel dirty, I am still being healed in this area and I would hope that other women struggle with this like I do, so that I know I am not alone.

    “I am in control.”
    As a substance abuse counselor, control, along with pride, is a strong root of the original sin that I struggle with every day. “I can do this better than my husband/co worker/children.” “I can take care of this so someone else doesn’t have to.” “If I don’t do this, it won’t get done, or it won’t get done the way I want it to be done.” I have to come to a point of surrender. I have to realize that falling on my knees every, single day and raising my hands up with my face on the floor, wet from my tears, is the place to feel peace, because it is this place that I remember I do not hold the world, and in fact I have absolutely no control. But the God does, as he holds the universe, and therefore my entire world and life in His hands.

    “If I don’t do this, I’m not serving God.”
    Taking care of the mountains of laundry I have in my house and the layer upon layer of dust on my mantle doesn’t seem very glamourous for the kingdom. I want to contribute to the kingdom in a way that is going to really make a difference. I want to be on the mission field bring people to know Jesus in a personal way by the multitudes. I want to be able to have a blog or a book that speaks to women across the world in powerful ways. I want to have the answers to the questions because I studied and spent hours and hours in prayer with Jesus answering the deepest questions in the most intimate ways. But alas, I am spending the weekend taking care of my 9 month old son, making food for my husband and family who are helping us redo our backyard, and attempting to get some grocery shopping in along with cleaning the house. Then its back to work on Monday. The days fly by and before I know it, the goals I had this year and put on the resolution list for the next year, and I didn’t get to the mission field or writing a book part of my list. I didn’t even get to the buying a new bra and panties part of my list. But if I say yes to serving in this ministry, and meeting this need and that need, despite not having quiet time in my own life, then I am going to be able to feel like I am actually doing something for Jesus. Because being a wife and a mom and a counselor and a friend just isn’t enough. And it goes back to my earning love wound.

    Expectations
    Women put so many expectations on themselves that accessories are nothing. If I am honest, I expect myself to be perfect. I expect to be an amazing daughter of the King who has no struggles in this world and who can handle the storms of life at a pillar of strength, grace, mercy, and peace. I expect to be a beautiful, sexy, loving, smart, dedicated, compassionate wife who can work hard every day, keep a sparkling home at all times, have children who never cry, never talk back, and who love Jesus from the day they are born, with no struggles or challenges; who can love her husband with an endless amount of love, submit with no fight, be an amazing lover, and provides strength and support for her man. To be a drug counselor who can walk into a session and know exactly what to do when the client tells you something horrific and that they relapsed and picked up a new charge in the criminal justice system. The list goes on and on of the harsh and cold expectations I seem to give myself. And if I don’t meet those expectations, layer on the disappointment, shame, and anger on top of all the other things I am holding on to for dear life that are actually killing my spirit, my freedom in Christ, my faith, my peace, and my grace.

    I think these, along with other areas, are what truly need to be addressed in our lives and in our culture. There is always something to be. But it comes to being a part of a body. I am not the entire body. I am just a part of it and I need to stop playing God thinking I am the entire body. I also need to remember that there are glorious and beautiful seasons of life. For me, my season of life is being a working mother and wife. And I serving Jesus by doing everything I do in this season, yes including the mountains of laundry and taking care of the layers of dust on my mantle as unto the Lord. My mission field is my family. My mission field are my sisters in Christ who encourage and challenge me, and so I can do the same for them. I have to be at peace where I am, surrender to the beauty of the present and what I have been given, instead of striving for what I think I should have. I am thankful that I have grace because I am imperfect and being refined as I learn about myself and the struggles I have. And it’s a tough process, but I am thankful for it. I hope that I am not the only one who experiences these things/issues/concerns when it comes to being busy minded instead of being Christ minded.

    Reply
    • Nina S

      Wow! What you wrote was so amazing…the words could’ve come from my own heart. Thank you so much for sharing this. I need to print it and share it with friends:)

      Reply
    • Texmommy

      Um… You should really write a book. This is good stuff!!

      Reply
  259. Jayne Smith

    This reporter seemed to be focused, and well made all of you feel as though there wasn’t anything else as important to her as all of you at that time. She seemed to be giving the task her all in a very nonthreatening and friendly way. I think it was the way she interacted that was all important. She could have been lazer focused and scared you all half to death! So, in the decisions we make we need to have a practice of “being” as well as “choosing”. How we say Yes or No can have a big story behind it as well. Maybe it will make someone else ponder why. In all things choose to be as much like Jesus as you can muster in the moment.

    Reply
  260. Donna Fraysier

    Lysa, I can’t wait to read more! I so want others to be able to use those words to describe me. Right now I am going through a really busy and crazy time in my life, and as I was reading I realized that I need to take more time out to plan, prioritize and focus on one thing at a time instead of trying to juggle multiple tasks at one time. Thank you for allowing us the opportunity to have this sneak peek into your new book. God used your words to speak to me.

    Reply
  261. Karen Hammel

    Lysa, you don’t, can’t know how your words are affecting me right now. I’ve said yes to the most unimaginable things this past year. Things I would never have ever dreamed I’d do. I was in an intimate relationship with God, and he’s done miracles and incredible things in my life, and I opened a door, and have been unable, unwilling to say no, but your words are speaking right to my heart. I can say no, with His strength, if I make that decision first. God help me to sassy yes to You and no to what has been destroying my life! Thank you Lysa, for letting God use you;)

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  262. Melody White

    Yes please! Finish this book!!! We women are so focused on being all to everybody we forget to first take care of ourselves…we think that saying “no” to anyone is somehow failing in our caretaker role. Just knowing the Lord’s will and when a “yes” is His yes or ours, and when a “no” would better serve Him is so, so hard to discern. I’ll be praying for you as you write that He will use you to show all of us a more perfect way…

    Reply
  263. susie

    Hi, I love your writing. I am an older lady who thinks sometimes she is still 18. I can’t tell you how much I love your generation. Young ladies who are in love with Jesus. Ladies who are verbal and share transparently your daily walk that encourages other women.
    Here are some thoughts – not sure of the relevance.
    I took the Strengths Finder test years back and found that my 2nd strength was Responsibility. It made perfect sense as I looked back over my life. If I say I will do it then I must do it. Not following through is not an option so with my husbands help and counsel, I have learned to say NO. This has been so freeing.
    My first strength is Connectedness and as a Christian this means my mind filters everything through a God window. Well, I wish I filtered everything 🙂 but I know now that if I can’t follow through on something I said I could do I will fret and feel terrible. I let someone down etc.
    The second thing is a line we told our kids as they grew up.”Show me your friends and I will show you your future.”
    The third is a line our kids hated. If they said to us “you make me so angry’, we remind them that getting angry is a choice.
    Not sure this makes any sense so have fun, keep writing and I will read it.

    Reply
  264. Sheila Jones

    When I read it the word “presence” comes to my mind. I feel like our wild, packed days just turn us to auto pilot. Sometimes I get to the end of the day and think back to how it went and realizing that I was barely present, not saying what I wanted to say, or going above and beyond like I hope to do. It is hard to make smart decisions when we are not present. 🙂 That is what came to my mind. Thank you for your inspiration, I know it is a challenge to stay fresh, we adore what you have done for the planet!

    Reply
    • Texmommy

      Love this! I’m So absent from my own life!

      Reply
  265. Deana Griffin

    Love it and can’t wait to read the finished product!! I know that this book will surely be a blessing for us crazy women who are struggling to hold on by our fingernails :). Thank you for allowing God to use you and your talents in a mighty way!

    Reply
  266. Gaets Gravelle

    A book designed to help women learn how to say no? Who would have thought we’d need such lessons. I learned a long time ago that ‘no’ is as much of an answer as ‘yes’. So many women put everyone else first that their health suffers. I don’t think that’s how God wants his daughters to live. God bless you on this novel idea.

    Reply
  267. Jen H

    Wow. I can’t even believe I’m reading this tonight. I’m sitting here recovering from a splitting headache looking at Facebook thinking if I see one more “I’m so happy” post I’m going to come unglued when I thought to myself…I need some time with Lysa! I turn to your blog and this is the message here for me. Perfect. I’m frazzled. Maybe I’ve said too many yes’s or maybe just the wrong ones and not enough no’s. I’m not sure but …yes I want a little less crazy and a lot more focus. Can’t wait for this book! Thank you for your super fun honesty and amazing life lessons that we can see come straight from our Father!

    Reply
  268. Karen Hammel

    Lysa, you don’t, can’t know how your words are affecting me right now. I’ve said yes to the most unimaginable things this past year. Things I would never have ever dreamed I’d do. I had been in an intimate relationship with God, and seen Him do miracles and incredible things in my life, yet I made a compromise and opened a door that I have been unable, unwilling to close, but your words are speaking right to my heart. I can say no, with His strength, if I make that decision first. God help me to say yes to You and no to what has been destroying my life! Thank you Lysa, for letting God use you;)

    Reply
  269. Sherry

    So this is what I thought of when I saw the photo of the two pathes…how do you say no when you want to say yes or do say yes but yes is not good for you. We can go down one path – for instance – relationships – (singleness, choosing the believing man (Christian) when the unbelieving man (men) treat(s) me much better). One road is waiting on God, the other is going down a totally different road than what God has chosen for you. Just some food for thought. It’s hard being a divorced woman trying to make wise choices regarding relationships. I see why He says its better to stay single.

    Reply
  270. Tammie

    The most basic question to ask yourself before you answer yes or no…who benefits?
    If it’s God in and through what we are doing, then you know the answer. Maybe?
    Far too often we overload ourselves, mostly for ourselves; we know that God doesn’t overload, His timing is perfect. So we set ourself aside and encourage our loved ones to do the same; overload doesn’t happen and we exist in more peace.
    “It’s not enough to be busy, even the ants are busy. The question is: What are we busy about?” Henry David Thoreau

    Reply
  271. Sue

    So true, Kelly S so true 🙂

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  272. Shannon

    Lysa, thank you SO much for all you do in your ministry for women! Our bible study group is halfway through “Unglued” and we love it and love you!!! What a wonderful idea to write a book about how to learn to say no to some things and to be completely involved in the Yes things without being distracted! An amazing woman in our bible study group shared a quote, “If he (our enemy) can’t make you bad, he’ll make you busy.” That has really stuck with me. Our enemy would love to keep us so busy doing “important” things and even just the hectic everyday laundry, grocery shopping, activities, homework that go along with raising 3 children, etc. so we don’t have time to focus on God & our daily time with Him. Thanks so much for all you do & God bless you & your family! 🙂

    Reply
  273. Amy@PermissiontoPeruse

    Have you listened to Andy Stanley’s leadership podcast. This speaks so closely to one of them. He talked about how someone told him to list how he wanted people to speak of him at his funeral and why. And then live life so that he lived like that. He talked about coming up with 9 words about his character–not action items. But by doing that, he could gear his decisions and actions so that success looked like those character traits. Very interesting!

    Reply
  274. Rhonda

    Lysa,
    You will help so many women with this book. The message must be repeated and repeated to us. I really want to hear your take on it. The struggle in my life in saying “yes” when “no” is the appropriate answer is rooted in my needing approval, admiration and validation from outside of Jesus Christ. That need arose from shame I used to carry around. I was saturated in it. Doused in bucketsful: traumatic abuse in my early childhood, through formative years in a home void of mercy or grace, to the rampant outgrowth of sin I acted out in my early adulthood. Though I received Christ as a 20-year-old, it took years of basking in God’s love for the shame to evaporate. During that time, my compulsion to be “all things to all people” swamped me. Though I followed Christ, for many years I could not function without “fixing” on doing something for which I would receive positive reinforcement, especially from fellow church members. “Now I am acceptable,” my inner voice said. “Now I’ve made up for all of the bad things; now I’ve repaid all my sin-debt.” When I finally woke up to those words whispering in my head, I gave it up. Giving that behavior up was the same as giving up any psychological addiction. I experienced emotionally painful withdrawal. And some of my worst fears DID come true: Some people didn’t like me as much any more. But who needs those people anyway, right? Today I have much healthier friends, am not “worn and torn” and am experiencing much deeper relationships with my husband and daughter. And the heaviness of that shame . . . is no longer with me. Smiles!! So, yes. Please write this book. I will read it. And I will teach it to my daughter. The scripture I hold on to: “Let your ‘yes’ be ‘yes,’ and your ‘no’ be no.'” Love-Love, Rhonda Brasseal

    Reply
  275. Missy

    This is such a simple and beautiful idea! Letting your yes be yes and your no be no. I, too, can’t wait to read this book!

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  276. Nancy

    Lysa,
    Yes. No. These are the two most powerful words in the English language! Now in my 50’s, I’m still learning, growing and becoming more intentional (by prayer) when I say one or the other. In my younger years, I said yes to requests too quickly and usually regretted this. One time a pastor gave my husband and I valuable advise, he said if someone wants you to make a quick decision on something, tell them we/I need to think & pray about this for 24 hours and then we/I will get back to you. This advise has truly saved us and me from making a decision that we/I could regret later on.
    Just last week, I didn’t follow my own advise. I jumped into something, because I got “caught up in the moment”, I didn’t pray first or wait the 24 hours. After I had said” yes” to a big commitment, I really regretted this and felt so stressed! I then spent the next few days praying, talking to my husband and realizing I needed to decline what I had said yes to. It was embarrassing, but a growth moment for me. All to say, I think you are “on to something” writing this new book. I appreciate how you ask your Proverbs 31 readers for their comments. God Bless You as you write this new book! ~Nancy~

    Reply
  277. Kristine

    This woman seems to have the “One thing I do” mentality like Paul.
    As my mentor says, “Say yes or no based on God’s will not on opportunity”. More women need to hear these words and really understand the difference between the two. I know you will do a great job, as always, writing about that Lysa!

    Reply
  278. Grace Jones

    Can I just say that I need you to hurry and write this book???
    I am a new foster mom and a pastor’s wife who is trying really hard to be the Jesus girl God wants me to be but there are too many dang pressures coming at me from all sides… Appointments, ministry commitments, Baseball practice, small group, teen girls Bible study, raising my kids to love the Lord… All the while trying to keep my self connected to Jesus and my body healthy and my marriage healthy, I could go on but I won’t…
    Anyway… Can’t wait to read your book. I am sure I will love it! I always do!

    Reply
  279. Janet Trenda

    I’m looking forward to another book! Unglued has hit me in some places that needed to be worked on, thanks. When I think about better choices, I can’t help but think about Isaiah 61:1-4. The process of healing broken hearts, finding freedom, exchanging our ashes, mourning, and despair for beauty, joy, and praise all leads to becoming Restorers, Rebuilders, and Reconstructionists (Bethn Moore’s word!). So, I guess what I’d be looking for is the foundation to be making better choices from- healed hearts.

    Reply
  280. BA Montague

    I have always described my life as disorganized chaos… yet somehow things always manage to get done. And it is not because of me, it is through God’s grace. I am constantly thrown into unknown territory, way outside of my comfort zone(s), and then He guides me through. I still feel crazy most days, but I’ve made peace with it and I know He is always there. LOL
    And I have learned to say “yes” and “no”… without feeling guilty.
    As my 17 year old son would say, “Mom, that’s just SO Jesus!” 🙂
    Thank you, Lysa! I look forward to reading the entire book when it is finished.
    Love and hugs!

    Reply
  281. Julie

    I agree with Grace, the sooner the better! I just had to say no, after a month of wrestling with my dreaded yes. It was painful and embarrassing. But I feel the weight lifting…Can’t wait to read your book and glad to hear I’m not alone on this.

    Reply
  282. Amy

    I would love for you to explore the aspect of lying that comes from saying yes, when we really want to say no. “Ye shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free.” It’s time we all start being honest and stop the lying that we call being, “a good Christian.” Let’s quit caring what others think about us because God knows the truth of our hearts and everyone is going to know the truth at the judgment seat of Christ anyways.

    Reply
  283. Dawn Wilson

    I love “Great descriptions are birthed from great decisions” and the last paragraphs and will quote them, Lysa. My heart, exactly. I am hearing more and more women in leadership suggest this truth, and it is the foundation for a new ministry I’m starting. Thank you for speaking up for intentional living!

    Reply
  284. LuAnn Fischer

    Lysa – if you were looking for an AMEN then AMEN sister!! “Can you imagine how great life would be if you didn’t dread saying yes and felt completely and unapologetically empowered to say no?” Not yet but I’m praying to. I believe this is exactly where God has been leading and teaching me over the last several years and he has said to me NOW – it’s time to start walking in liberating freedom. YAY!! If I only knew how to apply that and walk it out. ( so hurry up with that book) That would be wonderful, but I know if that father has asked it of me, he’ll also show me how to do it.

    Reply
  285. Teri Trimble

    Can’t wait for this book….:)

    Reply
  286. Rita

    Great idea for a book! Speaks again right to me. Decisions absolutely make a difference in the lives we live. We have made decisions we thought were right only to discover for our family it was absolutely the wrong decision. I only discovered this clarity after walking again in the craziness and trying to “do it all”. What a lie! I can not do it all and do it all well! We have to get alone with God in the quiet and stillness to hear His Love and His Truth speaking to us and then decide to walk confidently with what God says we should be doing not what the world says. What each “yes” is will be different for the next person. Lessons learned the hard way but lessons not forgotten to help us and others. Love how God works it all out for good! God confident in what our ‘yes’ should be and no to others is hard and important – staying in touch with the Creator to guide our path, to Shepherd us like the lost sheep we are – no better way to live. Trusting that God guides our steps as we “dance” this life with Him holding us by His righteousness! Can’t wait for this book – will speak to so many as your other books have done already!

    Reply
  287. Wendy

    When I see this photo and read the words, I think of Walt Whitman’s words, “I chose the road less traveled and that has made all the difference.”
    That is the road I also choose. We choose carefully and say no alot to guard our family time and our sanity. With four kiddos, we could spend all day at the baseball park or various activities. We choose to only attend family birthday parties. We choose differently. There isn’t one thing wrong with extra curricular activites. When we choose, we choose purposely. We choose what is best for everyone in our family.

    Reply
  288. Phyllis

    Please write about living in each moment and savoring it, as Jesus did. Your work explodes my heart (in a good way!)
    Thanks!

    Reply
  289. Rachel

    Lysa, this is great! Write on! For me a big part is saying yes to the truth and no to the lies. The more I do that, the more comfortable I am just being me and not trying to be more. The more I can embrace my current season with joy, because I hear His truth more clearly. Having yes and no conversations with God helps it allline up.

    Reply
  290. Hannah

    You always seem to hit a nerve in me with your writing. When I first started reading this post, I wasn’t sure where you were going with it, but then it all came together with a huge “YES!” in my heart. My husband and I continually say to each other “You live the life you choose” as a reminder that our decisions have huge impacts on our future, and we are powerfully enabled by grace to make GOOD decisions. Love where you are going with this.

    Reply
  291. Lana

    The first people that came to mind were a couple who I love, but are unfortunately focused on the ‘successes’ the world has to offer instead of their own family. Bills need to be paid and debts need to be covered, but what of the debt you can never repay of missing out on these beautiful years with your child? What about all those days you choose extra work to pay a little more off that credit card bill instead of realizing that your toddler is crying again because she misses her daddy… wants to be held by her mommy? I understand that we need to pay the bills, but how far are we willing to go to sacrifice the gift that each day truly is? If offered the chance to reflect back on your life on your death-bed someday, will you wish you had spent more time working, or loving? Do you HAVE to say yes to any extra hours offered? Could you live off less so you could experience more life? The answer seems so simple from the outside looking in…

    Reply
  292. Carla

    Lysa, I love you thoughts each day. Thank you for your openness and honesty in sharing. I am currently reading your “Unglued” book and learning so many really amazing things. It is making me look at myself in ways I never have. It’s the first book I have ever picked up where I feel that someone actually understands what’s going on in my life. I am loving it and praying the truths I am learning transform me into a better wife and mama. I do have a question though…your suggestions are great and I really am trying:-), but what about those of us who react BEFORE we think. I so want to be different and you offer some great suggestions, but I often react…typically with a raised voice….before I ever get the chance to put them into practice…..and I feel the truckloads of guilt everytime. I am praying about it and have for years. Just not sure how to conquer it. Thanks again for openness and honesty in sharing. Can’t wait to start the devotional that goes with it.

    Reply
  293. Lisa

    Before my husband went into full time paid ministry we were volunteers–for everything! We saw so many needs and not enough people to fill them. I started to see my husband running on low and he came to me and said “they need me”. It was to oversee a large consrtuction project that someone designed but did not have the ability to make it. We were the typical 20% in the church that served and volunteered while the 80% just showed up on a Sunday and expects everything to be done magically. Well, the construction project was needed urgently and my husband was ready to run out the door. I reminded him he had a fever and an abscess tooth and he should say no, but no wasn’t in his vocabulary. He left and came home later in bad shape which brought us to the Emergency room. The leader that had asked for his help met us for coffee one day after he recovered. She explained that the next time he needs to say “no”. She said “when you say no, it means I know you are 100% committed when you say yes”. That changed how we approached each ministry and area of service after that. We learned how powerful saying yes is and we also learned it was okay to say no. Now, being in the asking position, we make sure people that serve in many areas already know that its ok to say no. I guess it really goes back to let your yes be yes and your no be no. If you can’t do something wholeheartedly 100% you shouldn’t be doing it.

    Reply
  294. Janet

    This is exactly what I’ve been contemplating as I look over my 45 year old life. I lived so mindlessly in my 20’s and was bumped around by circumstances. I really want to get ahold of this and have the latter half of my life be defined by God’s purpose, not circumstances. I love the way you bring a fresh way to look at things, Lysa. God bless you!!

    Reply
  295. Casey

    I think this is a struggle for everyone! Can’t wait to read this book. I have had to adopt a new philosophy lately because I was too worried about disappointing others that I was the one who was disappointed. When something comes up that I have to choose to say yes or no to I have a couple of thoughts… Will it grow me spiritually? Will it serve me? Is it truly beneficial? Can I COMPLETELY commit? and will it really make me happy? Just some things that help me with my decision making. Love readings others comments as well. Great perspectives.

    Reply
  296. Dawn Kastning

    I think women ANDmen struggle with the “Ican’t syndrome and have to learn to take I cant out of their vocabulary. We have to let what God has already placed in the soul ( self-control, self-will, and self- confidence) reach into our spirits so we can begin to make good choices, and one good decision after another leading us to the live the abundant life God has called us to live!

    Reply
  297. Leah

    Dear Lysa,
    First, let me say your books seem to come at the perfect time lately. Your way with words, honesty and a love for Jesus is so refreshing. Thank you! 🙂

    I’m a lady who has had to learn to say no to projects because I stress myself out. My husband keeps me balanced and helps remind me that the stress isn’t worth the compliments that may or may not come later. It’s like you mentioned, I have to think if this is something God wants me to do, or is it simply an anthill?

    I’m also a gadget gal. In 2012 I got an iPad and an iPhone; both of which can be very handy, but also big time wasters. Reading this one blog post of yours made me realize I must be careful to discipline myself to use my gadgets for the blessing they can be, but say no to them when I don’t really have time to goof around. Or I need to remember that I have a book I want to read, so I need to say no to the gadgets in order to get things done and leave time to read.

    Anyway, I love my life when it is busy, as long as its not too busy for the simple things in life and I look forward to reading your next book. 🙂

    Reply
  298. Jennifer

    You said it so well! Something I think about from time to time, for myself and others yet I couldn’t have said it better. Why do people say such things about me? The answer might start with how I am presenting/ conducting myself.

    Reply
  299. Elaine Ledlow

    Lysa I think you have another hit on your hands! When you stop and think about saying yes or no you have to be equipped with information about what you are doing and more importantly why. Think this would make another excellent OBS

    Reply
  300. Jessica

    I have a hard time saying no and am too eager to say yes; and often times I say yes and no to the wrong things and end up making a terrible decision that usually has a domino effect. I would love to have a tool like this book you’re working on to help me, this young women that has still so much to learn.

    Reply
  301. Tara Fleming

    Dear Lysa,

    I have a wonderful quote that my dear mum used to say, “Do not bow to the tyrrany of urgency”. My mum was a fabulous woman of God, she is with him now. I believe she left her family, first and foremost, with a legacy of love, but she also left us with a lasting impression of good boundaries. That one saying has guided me many times when I have felt pulled in many directions at once. One must ask themselves “is this truly an emergency?”. One thing I have learned about God, he is never in a hurry.

    Reply
    • Gail

      Tara, I just had to comment on your Mothers words of wisdom. I love it! ” Do not bow to the tyrrany of urgency”. I need to study on that one for awhile and see if that is what I do at times. There is so many needs out there, and people needing help. It is one thing I would love to read on more, how to decide when and where to say Yes and No. I know God will direct our steps if we daily seek His Will,( Proverbs 3:5-6), so that has to be my first step in any decision. May God bless you as you pass on your Mothers wisdom to your own family. I appreciated hearing this.

      Reply
    • Gloria Nofsinger

      Lysa, Thanks for the sneak peek! I am already looking forward to your book. When I have a week that seems too busy, that’s when something else often gets added. I struggle over trying to do too much in the same day vs deciding what can wait. Just yesterday when I was bemoaning my busyness, I realized they were all things I desire to do…I just don’t feel like doing the work. Then I think I have to do it all today when some tasks really could wait. It is hard to say no to others and sometimes even harder to say no to myself! Any chapters on that in your book-to-be?

      Reply
  302. Ingrid

    Wow, wow and wow! These thoughts have touched my soul. The Bible says in Matthhew 5:37..but let your yes be yes, and your no, no. For whatever is more than these is from the evil one. Your thoughts have highlighted this verse for me. Taking time to make a intelligent decision…..a yes or no….how powerful for me to think about. Thank-you for sharing your thoughts.

    Reply
  303. Crystal

    This hits home for me, juggling a job I dread to go to simply because I hesitate to say no! I always go above and beyond and its wearing me down! I AM SO WORN OUT MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY, not to mention weight gain from the stress! Thank you…this is what I needed to complete a decision this week…and Im saying No! God bless u!

    Reply
  304. Mary A

    This is so timely, so needed by so many. I catch myself continually distracted and unfocused throughout my day by those thousands of things pulling at my mind. I don’t think we were made to multitask. I think God made us to focus. Being unfocused is exhausting. I notice that when I’m helping a friend or family member clean up her kitchen after a meal that I’m extremely focused. I can chat with her without thinking of all the other things in my home that need attention because I’m not IN my home. I’m focused. I’ll go back to my home and start in one area only to quickly be pulled to another area. And then I’ll stop and try to remember what I was doing. That’s just me distracting myself. Add in 5 kids and it may seem impossible. Sometimes making the big decisions is way easier than making those countless, day-by-day, hour-by-hour, minute, even second-by-second decisions that is exhausting. Yet that is where the decisions are made that will either make my life something to survive or will make it what I really want, something great to the glory of God. I need a book about focus.

    Reply
  305. Kristie Donahue

    Thank you Lysa.
    I am a single mom who has a passion for helping people. I tend to wear myself out with long hours at work and volunteering. My son suffers the consequences of my weakness. I would love to see your insight.
    Kristie

    Reply
  306. Angie

    God is really teaching me about this very subject – especially regarding my job. Working in women’s ministry, I’ve realized I never ‘unplug’ completely from my to do list and ‘my’ women. The result: all the people who are my REAL priority rarely get my full attention. This has been a humbling and powerful lesson as He has urged me and taught me to unplug.

    Reply
  307. Holly

    When is the release date?!!
    I’m such a fan! Lysa’s books always resonate in my soul. I can’t wait to read more–just heard Lysa speak live in Perrysburg, OH. I feel like I could sit across the table and talk with her like any of my close friends.

    Reply
  308. Lynne

    Oh my, this is so good. The point, the short, tight sentences, the pauses. Everything about it is so purposeful. I can relate. This week I decided to go part-time at work – yesterday to be exact – so that I can start to cut back on all of those demands and pick up the ones that God has inspired me to do. Yes, I, too, have decided to be purposeful with my time, my talents and my life. It so easy not to be, to go with the never-ending flow of responsibilities, expectations and pressures and miss being present. What a loss, what a tragedy. Thank you for this. It is so, so good. I can’t wait for more.

    Reply
  309. Andrea Noles

    Here are a few thoughts from your picture…
    1. I teach reading 3-5, and often I say to my students “yes, no, or maybe so,” when asking them questions from the text. I believe it is sometimes best to reflect, pray, and wait through the “maybe’s” of life. Sometimes, both paths, yes and no, can lead to great things. When you are living in the holy, beautiful presence of God, both roads lead to eternity.
    2. Then, I immediately thought of the poem, “The Road Not Taken.”
    3. Then, the word discernment staged itself on a sign at the fork in the road. The more we walk in faith daily and ask the spirit of the Lord to be on us (Luke 4:14-21) the more clear our solid our yes’s and no’s will become.
    4. I am coming to SheSpeaks and can not wait!

    Reply
  310. Stephanie W.

    Lysa, I can’t wait to read this book. I am a crazy lady who can’t say no. Well, I’m learning how to say no more often as I am trying to de-stress my life. I wanted to keep reading but the blog ended! If you could write a couple of easy steps to go from crazy lady to non-crazy lady that are simple and easy to follow would be great — okay I’m looking for a miracle! Praying for you as you go through this process, knowing that God has gifted you with this ability to write to help others on this journey. Sending love and many prayers your way.

    Reply
  311. Jennifer

    This is awesome! I can’t wait to read more! Realizing you don’t “have to” say yes to every opportunity, task, need, etc. that comes your way or feel like you are letting others down if you don’t say yes has been an amazing thing for me to discover. There are so many things I can’t wait to take on…ministry oppotunities in the church, serving, maybe even mission trips, but realizing your season is also a BIG part of a yes or a no. You don’t have to knock out all your goals and desires RIGHT NOW. Knowing what season you are in can guide you in saying yes to this ministry, no to that mission trip, yes to that act of service, etc.

    Reply
  312. Trudy

    I love this Lysa! Already looks like it will be another page turner for me. I have learned to say no to things more often. I fully rely on the leading of the Holy Spirit and one of my leading questions is ‘will saying yes to this bring glory to God?’ If the answer is no, I am more likely to say no.

    Blessings to you as you embark on the journey of this next book!

    Reply
  313. Cheryl G

    One of my favorite sayings recently has been some variation of, “I was 45 before I learned to say ‘no,’ and 47 before I started getting grumpy about it.” (I’m 47 now.) The grumpy came out recently when a friend wanted me to volunteer for something and didn’t want to take ‘no’ for an answer, despite my explanation of why I couldn’t help. I’m pretty sure we’re back to being friends again, but for a day there I wasn’t so sure.

    For me at this point, now that I’ve gotten comfortable saying “no” to people, the challenge is to carefully consider each request without just automatically saying no.

    I really like what you’ve written so far. The reporter illustration is great. Thanks for including us in your writing process.

    Reply
  314. Amber

    um…is it even possible that I could live a non-crazy life? I have never even considered such a thing. Three children, (two with special needs) and my own health struggle. Not to mention battling the scars of mental illness in our family history. Would love for it to be possible! Looking forward to another great encouragement and resource, thank you Lysa!

    Reply
  315. Jennifer

    This reminds me of the importance of one of the daily goals that my daughter rotates through. “To be present”. That is it. Her goal for the day. Top of her list? No, the only thing on her list. To be physically, mentally, emotionally THERE, wherever she is, fully focused on that moment.

    Reply
  316. Lynne

    I’ve always struggled with wanting to please people and have been learning to embrace my own worth and to develop boundaries to take care of myself while not completely ignoring others’ needs. It’s a tough balance to strike and I’m still working on being able to say no when I need to do so. I strive to do my best no matter the job, but I’ve seen how, as crazy as we may drive ourselves attempting to, you simply cannot please everyone. In fact, all we do is wear ourselves out in the process. I would absolutely love a book like this! Thank you for tapping into this area of our lives and being willing to help. I look forward to reading it!

    Reply
  317. Becky

    I would have LOVED a book like this 10 years ago when my children were 8 and 10. The only person I ever told NO to was….me. I describe myself as ‘”running around like a chicken with my head cut off”. Working full time, kids in all kinds of activities, on the board at church, baking cookies for school, trying to keep up the house, the bills, my marriage, you name it. The problem was I had not learned 3 very important things. How to delegate, how to NOT be everybody’s everything and when to ask for help. I honestly believed my kids would be scarred for life if I did not attend every single game AND practice. I never called my girlfriends and said help! I need a favor! Can someone lend a hand? And I was a MARTYR. In every sense of the word. I would run circles around everyone just to complain about it later. Oh my how time can heal and as I matured as a woman and as a mom and as a Christian, I learned to say no more in order to say yes more. Yes to peace. Yes to rest. Yes to setting an example for my children that mom is important and needs time to recoup and refresh too.

    Reply
  318. Karen

    I love this idea. I would definite read it and treasure the wisdom from it. I have always let what other people think control the decisions I make. I would love to be free from it. Thanks for sharing and will be praying for you

    Reply
  319. Cristy

    This is a huge issue for most women because we want to help everyone. It’s almost like we have this need to fix anything and everything. This has been a huge struggle for me and I would love to read Lysa’s book when it comes out and gleen. I am learning that every time an “opportunity” comes along to stop and say “I want to help but can I get back to you about that” and then pray and ask God for direction. I have to wonder if sometimes I have done something that was meant for someone else to do. Lord, we really need your wisdom in this area!

    Reply
  320. Joanne

    A friend gave me some advice that has helped me so much when feeling the pressure of saying yes, when I know i should be saying no. She says that ‘the discomfort of saying no is only temporary compared to the agony of having said yes to something we are only doing out of obligation.’ I really do feel pain when having to say no to someone but I have also experienced that agony of saying yes and then regretting it as I then have to fulfil the duty I have said yes to. I think of this often. A little temporary discomfort or a long time of agony??

    Reply
  321. Julie

    I live in a big city where there’s always so much going on. Everyone is always running from one thing to another, and my friends are all busy and everyone’s got schedules. I’m actually not a super-girl so for awhile, I literally struggled to keep up. I had to make sure that I made it onto this guest list or got tickets for that event, not because I really cared about those events, but because I didn’t want to fall out of step with my peers.

    Well, since the beginning of the year, God has been calling me to spend my free time with Him. He showed me that no matter how many things my peers were doing, I was already doing enough and I needed to spend more time with Him. This was not easy and I’m still learning how to sit still at His feet. But I will say, it has been wonderfully sweet! I’m learning so much about my Heavenly Father, He has given me confidence and leading me to conquer old fears. The more I know Him, the less I care about keeping up with my peers or the proverbial “Joneses.” I may not have awesome stories about what I did this weekend, but you know what? Being with an awesome God is the most awesome thing I can do!

    Reply
    • Anna

      Thank you Julie for sharing, I say Amen to that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      Reply
  322. Leslie

    I have often said yes to too many (although good) things. Two pieces of advice help me to contemplate each request more thoroughly & advise others accordingly.
    Just because there is a “need” doesn’t mean it’s your “calling”.
    And.
    If you say yes to something instead of waiting for the person who is supposed to step up and do that job you are depriving them of the blessing. (This is especially helpful in a volunteer position when feeling worn out! Let someone else do the job!)

    Reply
  323. Sandra

    I really liked the way your husband led a discussion about the day, particularly the way he made the children think about the decisions they made influencing the way people describe them. This is leading them away from people pleasing to the serious consideration of how their actions are collectively who they are. Our decisions are a reflection of our character. Am I reflecting God today or my human nature? My biggest regret as a mom with grown children is not spending enough time teaching them the character of God and also helping them develop the right character traits.

    Reply
  324. Jasmine

    For me saying no is very difficult at times. Especially at work and with loved ones. At work I may volunteer to help with something, and after that the task then becomes my duty….and I don’t want to say no because I don’t want to be seen as not a team player. the same thing goes with family its like you do something nice for them, and then suddenly its like they expect that all the time! and if you dare to say no then they throw the honor your elders…or blood is thicker than water lines in your face. It’s like I can’t win!

    Reply
  325. Lisa

    As a recovering “girl who can’t say no”, I can’t wait until your book comes out. People pleasing is something I have struggled with all of my life – even as a child. Thank you in advance!!

    Reply
  326. Gail

    Thank you for this, because making decisions is something I struggle with – daily. I was just thinking last night about how my life is so full of regrets, what-if’s, and shoulda-woulda-couldas. I am so over it and am trying to figure out how to better hear/seek clarity from God. Looking forward to this book.

    Reply
  327. Ruth

    …feeling like I have been on that long dirt road off the path of God’s best and not willing to turn back as the rut has worn deeper and I’ve found a strange false comfort in less than the best for fear of turning off or turning around. Thanks for a wake up call that has caused me to pick up my feet and move towards taking a bold career change. Please pray as I am on a ten day window of needing to at last return from what appears to have been an eight year detour on less than HIS best. My adolescent children need to see me make this change as well so that they too can act in courage and strong faith. Prayerfully grateful.

    Reply
  328. Nelly

    I wish I had read this earlier. I was involved in an issue that could have been resloved appropriately if I was able to be clear about my decision and being able to say no.

    Reply
  329. Connie Boyd

    I know you posted this months ago, but I thought I would still comment…As I just read your devo email, I realized it’s been 1 year and 2 months that the Lord has been working this specific area out in my life. I say yes and I become stressed. Moody. Resentful. I finish and I’m relieved. Until the next time. I vow to never offer or say yes again. To pray MORE before moving forward (next time). Then next time comes around and I find myself in the same cycle. I struggle to say no. I struggle to ask for help for myself. I like the thought of thinking through that the decisions I make will make up the kind of life I’m living. Maybe this thought can help me say no next time ;0 Thanks! Look forward to reading your book!

    Reply
  330. Allison Crow

    Lysa, I remember when I was a little girl and my mom got phone calls from friends making requests. I remember how polite she was when she said yes to whatever they asked her to do. Then she would hang up and immediately complain about what she said she would do! My dad and siblings would wonder out loud why she said yes in the first place if all she was going to do was complain! And she also would say yes to something she would be glad to do and then assign that to me or one of my 5 siblings! Unbelievable! So I have to say that when I am asked to do something, I do pray first and ask for direction. It’s not easy to say no though! Thanks for yor hard work you put into writing your books! I always enjoy reading your books and devotions.

    Reply
  331. Anna

    Lysa, I can’t wait for the book!!! I know it will truly bless many sisters including me. I love what you write ” if you want people to use such great words to describe you, think about the decisions you are making” so true! I have always tried my hardest to help and please people, and I can relate to being spread so thin, I thought I would tear…. My husband always told me to “stop and think before you said yes”, but because I wanted to please, I always said “YES!”. When I felt Jesus tugging at me, I always asked Him to wait, because I had so much to do!! I am now keeping my appointments with Jesus daily, and I so love it. I’m learning to stop and think before I say yes, and know that it is ok to say no, not that I don’t feel a little quilt that tugs at my heart, but I pray and ask for quidance, and then leave the quilt at Jesus’ feet. In the stillness of my time with Jesus, I am learning many verses, many turths, and many promises, I love closing my eyes and hearing Him in the chirping of the birds, rustlings of the leaves, I love my Jesus.

    I want to be a non-crazy woman…..

    Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know I am God”

    Reply
  332. Marilyn

    –Was it Jim Elliot who said “Wherever you are, be all there” ? Can you be “all there” if you’re trying to be everywhere, and everything, at once?
    –I heard somewhere recently that women can actually handle 7 different audio inputs at one time, while a man can only handle one. Just because we CAN listen to 7 things at once and keep them moderately straight doesn’t mean we SHOULD.
    –When you commit to something, you have to stop and think of the consequences of that commitment–and don’t always imagine the “piece of cake” scenario! What happens to my home, my family, my other commitments, my “margin” and my all-important time with the Lord if I say “yes” to this?
    –Could it be that God really means for us to do LESS instead of MORE? When you consider the teachings of Christ, it seems like He was always pointing toward simplification, not complication.
    –Does the Lord have some “bullseye” in mind for you to hit with your life decisions? Or are there several paths to choose from that are all within His will?

    Reply
  333. Billie Jo

    Thank you Lysa for listening to the voice behind you. God has used you in my life to hear Him.
    Praying for you sister,
    Billie Jo

    Reply
  334. Shellie

    When faced with a decision, one should remember to HALT! Never make a decision when you are H-hungry; A-angry; L-lonely; or T-tired! Love your encouragement always!! Good luck with this next book! 🙂 Xxoo!

    Reply
  335. CV

    You know what, Julie?? (post 344) YOU are being Mary, sitting quietly at the feet of Jesus while your peers are constantly busy. Revel in the fact that Jesus told her she was doing what was best – as are you! Thanks, Lysa, for your cheerleading and ‘real-ness’ – it’s so encouraging to know that we all struggle with the same things!!

    Reply
  336. LYNN BENNETT

    Thank you, Lysa, for putting into words what I have for a long time been formulating in my thoughts! Since my husband’s Homegoing about 10-1/2 years ago, and well before that, I have wrestled with saying yes to lots of things. When asked how I was doing, I would immediately reply “Life is busy!!” I remember reading a devotional that said that indeed Jesus was busy, but He also knew when to say yes and when to say no from His intimate time with His Father!! In this season of my life I am learning that as I say either yes or no that the Lord is so gracious in showing me Peace in His Presence as I fix my eyes on Him instead of always being so fixed on the future that I lose sight of Him in the present!! Like Paul I am learning contentment in whatever season I am in!! I am looking forward to the rest of the story in your upcoming book and will pray for you as you write!!

    Reply
  337. Shirley Feather

    Lysa,
    I love the beginning – it sounds amazing already. I loved “Unglued” because I WAS!!! It helped me sort it all out and try to make sense of my life. Part of my problem is the “Yes, I can do that!” syndrome. So, this should be great for me too! How long will we have to wait??

    We just started the DVD and workbook study of “Unglued” today. LOVE the scenery; LOVE your insight and really LOVE the fact that you are standing beside that incredible WALL and talking about Joshua and the city. I will never read that story the same now that i have your visual. Thanks so much for all you do for us.
    Blessings,
    Shirl

    Reply
  338. Jamie B

    I have read the following quote many times from Glynnis Witwer’s book ‘I Used to be so Organized’: ‘I NEED TO KNOW WHEN TO CLOSE DOORS OF OPPORTUNITY (OR NEVER ALLOW THEM TO OPEN)’. Since reading her book, I try to come back to this with any big opportunities or changes in my life. I am a mother of 5 children and a leader in the therapy company I work for. Even today, a new opportunity for my career was presented, and I think I would love to do it, but the responsibility and commitment would increase. I am already taking your quote to heart as well as the post from Proverbs 31 Encouragement for Today emails. Wow! What a day to read this when I have a huge decision to make. My career is great, but what I am as a mom is the most important aspect of my life. And my kids do not deserve the drama that is left after a day at work due to the decisions I have made.

    Reply
  339. Tiffany

    I wish I could say I make the right choices. But I don’t mostly because I am scared of sinning against God. Or scared of failure. Which is what I am feeling because my attempt to go back to school ended again due to work. As well as I am failing my son by not focusing on his needs because I work to make up the difference of my husband being on disability I want to do more or at least change our circomstances. I don’t male up my mind out of fear.

    Reply
  340. Cindy Stock

    My new word for this year has been “no”. I very much tend to over commit because I hate to disappoint someone and I do love being active and involved. Since taking on this word I have said no to a few things. Just recently someone called asking for help thru the summer, this person kept asking while my husband was listening to the conversation thru my voice. I did suggest other options for her to find the help she was seeking. After the conversation was over my husband told me – you said no 6 times, did you really have to say it that much? Yes, I did. I must say as the conversation went on I got weaker and weaker and almost agreed to help, but I knew that had I, I once again would be doing the job and resenting having to do it. I did feel relieved after the conversation and knew that I wasn’t supposed to help with this. Why is it that people tend to go to the same people to ask for help and are then surprised when someone says no? The work load should be shared amongst those in the congregation not the same people doing the majority.
    I’d love to see this addressed in the book – when asking for help – seek out other people, don’t keep going to the same wells, and be willing to graciously take no for an answer without adding pressure.
    We are called to love and serve others and I really try to, but there does need to be a limit and keeping your priorities in order is important. What ends up falling by the wayside is your time alone with God with should be my first commitment.
    Looking forward to the new book.

    Reply
  341. Joy

    It seems a lot of a person’s life is shaped by how they react to things, and that you can to some degree influence that about yourself.

    If you decide to be an angry or insecure person at a lot of times that is going to shape how people react to you, and how you view what happens.

    People would be enabled to be a lot more positive if they just, don’t worry so much about what you don’t have that someone else may, Use What You Have Got.
    They would also be able to do things tthat they wouldn’t be able to do if they prevented themselves from using what they do have.

    LIke for instance, Cain, He came to a point where he made a decision to be angry and jealous, and not appreciate what he had or learn from his brother. Eventually his feelings of inadequacy that he let eat him and not try again with what he had available, caused him to commit murder of his own brother.

    If you decide to take one circumstance, or one statistic about your life and let it define you, you may be limiting what you really are.

    If you really need a window, because a door that you NEED to pass through is blocked, God will give you one, as soon as and esp. if you acknowledge you need it.

    If God says ‘wash you hands after touching a dead thing, or avoid it all together’ in Leviticus,( and also promises blessings for the people who keep this.) Wash you hands. Whether or not you are high in society, or understand fully the scientific reason why.

    Reply
  342. Frances

    When I have a yes or no decision to make, I look at my priorities: 1.God, 2. Husband, 3.children (one with special needs and one who will leave for college in a year) 4. Job, 5. Myself. There are two important criteria – it must fit in my priorities, and I must maintain balance in all areas.

    My big question is how to fix it when it gets out of balance- I am a dedicated teacher, which means lots of extra time beyond the work day if I expect to give my students my best-but I also look at my job as my mission field. I do not have enough personal time with my Lord on a daily basis as my home time is consumed by my daughter who needs 24/7 attention.

    Reply
  343. Nancy

    I was lead to this exerpt from yesterdays Proverbs 31 devotional, what timing God has! My husband and I sat and discussed this topic at length last night. About how my inability to say NO and my desire to please others, including my children, has negatively affected my daughters. How this has characteristic has caused me to not have the time to mother as I should, to not hold my daughters accountable where I should have, to teach them by example an ineffective way to live. I would love to read in the book how to change this “easy way” mentality, so that we can raise daughters that may be able to overcome this before their children are almost grown. Thank you for your work and insight on how we are all so similar.

    Reply
  344. Sreid

    What I’m learning besides saying yes to worthy assignments and projects is learning how to discern what I want to do, Not what my friends want to do, not what my friends want me to do, but what I want to do. This is hard for me. Fear of letting others down, or not living up to what others expect of me or “think” i should do, creates a false sense of me. I love the photo and saying…”the decisions I make, make the life I live.” God’s assurance as you write. Plenty to be said about listening to God’s voice as we learn to be who He created us to be.

    Reply
  345. kristine

    Not a negative comment, but an honest comment on decision making and the power of “yes” and “no”:

    I think it all comes down to a lack of fulfillment. How do you say no when your yes has never amounted to anything of value? Oh, I’ve heard those many devotionals about doing whatever you do to the best of your ability. You know, the ones that say if your calling is to be the one waaaaay behind the scenes making the punch, well then, make the best punch you can, and make oh, so joyfully! Funny . . . those wise words always come from the mouth of the woman out front that has more accomplishments in life than she does shoes. What on earth would she ever know about making punch?

    I think some of us say yes too often because in the back of our minds is the hope that maybe this time I will be valuable. Maybe this time my efforts will matter. Maybe God really does have a plan for me – – beyond punch making. Maybe this is what I’ve been waiting for.

    So we say yes and yes and yes. And you’re right, Lysa, we end up frazzled and worn. But how do you say no, when your yes hasn’t happened?

    Reply
  346. Darcy

    I once read a book entitled ” When people are BIG and God is SMALL.
    The title alone intrigued me!
    Most of my Yes decisions in the past were
    spoken from the “fear of man , and not
    God”.
    I have to stop as you suggested and check my motives.
    I liked your list of questions you suggested
    as a safeguard against foolish decisions!
    I certainly don’t want to be remembered
    as a fool!
    I also had a woman tell me once, “Most
    of my life I have been a “Human Doing”
    and not a Human Being”!
    She had quite a list of accomplishments!
    In her later years she valued her time with God more as she realized that time spent in the presence of Almighty God is where
    our divine assignments will spring from.
    Most of the time we create the assignments and then ask God to sign off on them! God is always at work around us and in our time alone with Him he will speak to us about who we are to reach out to, what His next assignment is for us!
    Sometimes I don’t like what I hear!
    It usually requires total death to self and stretches me way out of my comfort zone.
    Yet that is exactly where the eternal things for His Glory Live!
    May God continue to use your ministry as you seek His face.
    Thanks for listening.

    Reply
  347. Pam

    I have a really big problem not saying no. I love to please people and forget that I need to stop and think about what I am saying yes to will effect. Usually it is my family and I should stop and think about my answer first. I am 51 years old and it has taken me this long to learn that. What inside us makes us do that? Why is saying no so hard to do? Is being a people pleaser not from God? If feels like it should be right? Part of me feels like it is right to say yes to those who want my help but how can it be good if it makes me feel so stressed. Did Jesus say no to those who needed him?

    Reply
  348. Sheila

    I am addicted to your books Lysa. You are certainly gifted as a writer and you write in a language that all women can identify. Love to curl up in little increments of my day and may only have time for a page or two but it is so uplifting. Thank you for sharing your gift. Saying yes and no is an issue many women deal with because in most cases we are the glue that holds life together for those around us. I am sure whatever you write will be “Holy Spirit” inspired and well received. Blessings!

    Reply
  349. Sharon King

    I love the quote on the top. Is is by you? I want to make myself a poster with that quote and want to give credit. I too question my motives for what I do and to be totally transparent, it’s often a pride thing. I look forward to your book being completed. I think it would be a good one for the ladies book group. Thanks for being open and honest in your own struggles. It helps me to remember that I’m not the only one.

    Reply
  350. Julie Sharp (Meridian, MS)

    “On THAT day, what will you wish you had done on THIS day?” – Anne Graham Lotz (“We Have This Moment” seminar at Bellevue Baptist Church in Memphis, TN, 05/01/92)

    Reply
  351. Shelly

    I love the words written and wish I could say the words said about me today would be so delightful. As I recover from a car accident, I find my family frustrated and in fear that my job won’t be waiting when I’m healed.
    I feel as though God has my attention and has allowed me to stop and take stock of my life. Am I only pleasing myself, my husband (no) my family? Will I make choices to keep the noise out and say no without guilt and yes with shear joy. Does my very being express gratitude for all I’ve been givin and light up a room when I walk in. I want His light to shine so bright I’m not seen but he is. Lots to ponder on as I read this passage again. Thank you, Lisa.

    Reply
  352. Tristine

    Lysa, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this. Thank you so much for sharing with us. I was gripped! Love you!

    Reply
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