Lysa TerKeurst | Overcoming

Monday, April 30

Where Faith Gets Awfully Messy

Last night I had a really hard time sleeping. The screeching in my ear reached an all time high and not even medication could keep me asleep. My throat tightened as the frustration of the past 3 weeks threatened to spill out in a million tears. I could feel myself slipping over a terrifying edge.

That edge where hopelessness pulls right in the moment where you feel too weak to resist.

I whispered, “I’m slipping God. I can’t stand this for another minute. Much less 5 more minutes. Or 5 more hours. Seriously God. I can’t. I’m trying to be brave. I’m trying to deal with it. I’ve claimed your healing. I’ve begged for your healing. And I truly believe you are healing me. But in this minute, I’m freaking out. And I’m so sorry if “freaking” is a bad word-I’m still on the fence about that one. But, really God, I feel myself falling and I can’t figure out what to grab onto.”

Gosh this is where faith gets awfully messy, isn’t it?

Faith.

Most days, I am like the little kid on the swing going higher and higher, touching the clouds without a single pang of fear. I know the swing will hold me. I know the chains are secure. So bold. So assured. So confident.

Last night, I was terrified of the swing. The chains felt more like unraveling threads with a screaming me dangling at the end. My faith felt small.

But my faith is what was right in front me. And when one falls, out of instinct they grab onto whatever is right in front of them.

And I guess I just want you to know today that even small faith is completely able to hold you.

Because it held me last night. Through the minutes and hours I didn’t think I could press on.

I started recounting all the ways God has made sure my faith was right there in front for this inevitable slip.

I thought about the ways that I’ve seen the hand of God in the past couple of days.

Recounting His faithfulness secures the chains. Shows me I’m not dangling by a thread out on my own.

One of those ways was the discovery that my husband’s sound machine is a gift. That darn sound machine has aggravated the stink out of me for years. But, I discovered that when put on the rain setting, it helps soothe the screeching in my ear.

Without ever having told my Pastor this, he sent me a text saying he was praying for me and God had put on his heart these verses: 1 Kings 18: 41-46.

And what are those verses about?

Rain. The sound of a heavy rain.

A rain that happens in between two vastly different displays of faith in Elijah’s life. One minute he’s swinging with great faith so bold and secure he calls fire down from heaven.

And then only a few verses later we see him dangling by a thread as he runs and hides in a cave.

The Lord soon comes to Elijah in a gentle whisper and shows him what to do at the end of that thread. “Go back the way you came,” (1 Kings 19:15).

God was saying, “Backtrack and remember all the places where I’ve been so faithful before in your life. And know. Know with assurance. And boldness. And confidence. I AM. I AM the same faithful God.”

So, these words slip into my soul. I turn up the sound of rain. I grab onto my faith right in front of me. And discover, I am held.

This is news- This is not truth

Your prayers and notes have been such wonderful gifts to me. And not just to me. Last night, I found Art sitting at the sticky farm table reading your blog comments and prayers. (And let me tell you there is hardly anything more sexy to me than my man caring enough to read my blog and the comments. Oh yes ma’am!)

Over sharing I know, but we’re among friends here, right? And you are wonderful friends for caring so much about me.

Thank you.

Seriously, thank you.

One of the emails I got was from my friend, Shaunti Feldhahn. It contained one line that stirred me so much I just had to share it… “Lysa this is news. This is not truth.”

Wow.

I’ve always thought of news and truth as one in the same. What the doctor gave me was news. Honest news based on test results and medical facts.

But what I have access to is a truth that transcends news. What is impossible with man’s limitations is always possible for a limitless God.

So, I find myself looking at the word impossible a little differently today.

Impossible when looked at in light of Shaunti’s note to me could be completely different if I just stick a little apostrophe between the first two letters. Then it becomes I’m-possible. God is the great I AM. Therefore He is my possibility for hope and healing.

I’m-Possible is a much more comforting way to look at anything that feels quite impossible.

I suspect many of us have things in our life that feel impossible. Maybe you just got some bad news. News of an impossible financial situation. News of an impossible job situation. News of an impossible kid situation. News of an impossible friend situation. News of an impossible medical situation.

Whatever news you just got or will get, I pray Shaunti’s advice helps you too. This is news. This isn’t truth.

This is truth:

I AM THE WAY AND THE TRUTH AND THE LIFE.
John 14:6-“I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

I AM FOREVER FAITHFUL.
Psalm 146:6—“He is the Maker of heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them-he remains faithful forever.”

I AM WITH YOU.
Isaiah 41:10–“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

I AM HOLDING YOU.
Psalm 73:23—“Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.”

I AM YOUR HIDING PLACE.
Psalm 32:7—“You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.”

If there is any comfort for me with this on going hearing loss and screeching noise constantly screaming in my ear, it’s knowing that somehow God will use this for good. And that God will be my possible in the midst of what can sometimes feel so stinkin’ impossible.

Of course, I still have those less spiritually secure moments where I feel like I’m going to lose my mind. And cry. And pitch a little hissy fit.

So, please keep praying for me.

And let me know how I can pray for you.

I’m really afraid!

Last year, one of my back teeth started hurting. Again. And quite honestly, I just didn’t want to deal with it. That tooth had been a complete pain. Literally.

I’d had not one, not two, but three crowns done on the same tooth. The first one broke. The second one broke. And though the third one seemed like it would be a charm, the tooth started aching again.

The Dentist informed me the only thing to do at this point was to have a root canal.

Y’all. I’m okay with the word “root.” And I’m okay with the word “canal.” But put those two words together and a wild fear whipped its tentacles around my heart and squeezed the life out of me. I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t bring myself to schedule the appointment.

So, I dealt with the throbbing pain.

For a year, I didn’t chew on that side of my mouth. I didn’t let cold drinks leak over to that side. And I took Advil when the throbbing got the best of me.

A year!

Finally, I’d had enough. The pain overrode the fear and I made the appointment.

And you know what? I survived! Not only did I survive but I honestly found the whole root canal ordeal to be no big deal. The fear of it was so much worse than actually having the root canal.

I think fear often plays out that way. Living in fear of what might be is so much worse than facing the fear and dealing with it.

Is there something you’ve been avoiding because you’re afraid?

Psalm 34:7 in the Message says, “God’s angel sets up a circle of protection around us while we pray.” In other words when I feel fear, it should prompt me to pray. And when I pray, I can be reassured of the Lord’s presence. And if I know He is with me, I can face my fears.

I like this truth so much. It comforts me. It reassures me. And it challenges me to really live like I know this to be true.

It’s not that every fear we have is unjustified. Sometimes fear protects us from walking head first into danger. But when fear goes beyond just indicating a warning and starts dictating our life — it is more of a detriment to us than a help.

What’s a fear you can face today? Think of an everyday fear holding you back. Is there a fear of confronting an issue with a friend? Is there a fear of stepping out in obedience to something God is calling you to do? Is there a fear of sharing your faith with someone who has clearly been put in your sphere of influence? Fear of a root canal? (Oh if I was there I would totally hold your hand and think of really dumb jokes to distract you. Smiles.)

Leave a comment and I’ll pray with you today.

(p.s. I think it’s really funny I’m posting this today as I head out to go scuba diving with my family. And creatures. Hopefully none with teeth. Or, if they do have teeth may they all be in need of root canals which would cause too much pain for them to bite. Pray!)