Lysa TerKeurst | Insecurities

Monday, September 12

the inside chatter

You know what I think would be a great gift to give a friend today? Permission to quiet the inside chatter.

Just a little phone call to say, “When you and I have had a conversation you don’t ever have to worry about how I’ll analyze everything later. I’m not thinking you’re crazy or high maintenance or wacky. Okay? I love you. And if I need clarification about something, I’ll just call and process it with you.”

What a gift a phone call like this would be to some friend who has been driving herself crazy over a conversation the two of you had recently.

It’s this crazy thing with us women- this inside chatter.

Inside chatter is the hyper analyzing of a conversation after the fact. Chatter in our head that sounds something like, “When I said this, she probably thought that.” “Now she probably thinks this.” “Maybe I should say something to fix it but then she might think I’m a crazy over analyzer.” “Oh good grief why did I say that?”

Do you know what I’m talking about?

If you don’t then throw you hands in the air and praise God right now that you don’t struggle with the inside chatter.

But if you do know what I’m talking about, exhale with relief you’re not alone.

Last week I had a funny conversation with one of my (in)Courage sisters. She and I were on a little writer’s retreat planning the inRL event coming this spring.

She admitted she’d been having inside chatter about something she’d said to me the night before. She went to bed kicking herself for saying something she felt was dumb and was certain I thought she was a bit wacky.

I absolutely didn’t go to bed thinking she was wacky. Quite the opposite. I went to bed thinking she is one of the cutest, nicest people I know.

Friendships are like plowed open fields ready for growth.

What we plant is what will grow.

If we plant seeds of reassurance and blessing and love- a great harvest of security will be reaped.

Of course, if we plant seeds of back-biting and questioning and doubt – a great harvest of insecurity will be reaped.

Indeed, today is a great day to call a friend and say, “I love you. That’s all I’m thinking. Period.”

“Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, ‘The Lord has done great things for them.’ The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy,” (Psalm 126: 2-3).

You don’t like me

Because sometimes we forget the truth and feel as though we might choke. That’s why I’m writing this post today.

“You are not liked.”

“Who are you to think you could do that.”

“Why did you say that? Everyone thinks you’re annoying.”

“Your kids just illustrated every inadequacy you have as a mom.”

“You are invisible.”

If you’ve never had words like these run rampant through your thoughts, lift your hands up in sheer praise. Whisper thanks to Jesus and share how you do it in the comments below.

For the rest of us, let’s go there today. To the inner places of secret thoughts and harsh self-condemnations. If there was one gift I wish I could give every woman on the planet, it would be the ability to silence the destructive words we allow to fall hard on our souls.

Toxic thoughts leave no room for truth to flourish. And in the absence of truth, lies reign.

The other day I was discussing something with my husband and I said, “I know you think I’m being annoying and overly protective about this but…”

He stopped me and said, “How do you know that’s what I’m thinking? Please don’t hold me liable for saying things that are really only thoughts in your mind.”

Sheer brilliance.

He’s so right. He hadn’t said those things. I was assuming he was thinking them and operating as if those toxic thoughts were reality.

I think we girls do this way too often. People aren’t thinking about us and assessing us nearly as much as we think they are. Honestly, they don’t have time. Because they are probably spending too much time thinking about and assessing themselves. Do you see the crazy in all this?

I do.

That’s why we’ve got to hold our thoughts to a higher standard. How dare they be allowed to simply parade about as if they are true and manipulate us into feeling insecure, inadequate, and misunderstood! Oh how much trouble we invite into our lives based on assumptions.

So, here are three questions we’d do well to ask ourselves when thoughts are dragging us down.

1. Did someone actually say this or am I assuming they are thinking it?

If they actually said it, deal with it then. If I’m assuming it, that’s unfair to them and unnecessarily damaging to me.

2. Have I been actively engaging with truth lately?

The more we read God’s truths and let truth fill our mind, the less time we’ll spend contemplating untruths.

3. Are there situations or friendships that feed my insecurities?

If so, maybe I need to take a break from these for a season.

Good gracious I know this is tough stuff. I know these issues can be more complicated than three simple questions. But it’s a good place to start holding our thoughts accountable.

After all, how a woman thinks is often how she lives.

I think we need to read that one again, don’t you? How a woman thinks is often how she lives. May we think upon and live out truth- and only truth today.

___________________________

And the winners of the calendars from last week’s giveaway are – Nancys1128, Jessica, Lara Ramthun, and Kristal. Congrats to you! Please email Holly@Proverbs31.org.

Messy Joy

This is the last of my Dream Center recap posts. If you missed the other two you can click here and here.

I wasn’t in the mood to be messed up.

I put my head against the headrest of the plane, closed my eyes, and whispered, “There’s no way.” It was late summer of 2003 when my world collided with what seemed like a cruel invitation from God: adopt two teen boys from war torn Liberia.

All the reasons why this wasn’t a good idea tumbled before me. Honest reasons. Understandable reason. Solid reasons.

Who would do such a thing?

Missionaries would be much more qualified. Missionaries with grown kids and multi-cultural experience. People much more spiritual than me. People specifically called to this sort of thing.

Not this disorganized, white woman, who thought Liberia was in South America.

Not a woman with three little girls. Not someone who couldn’t find the video she rented a month ago and who paid so many late fees at the library they should have named a shelf after her. Maybe two shelves.

Definitely not me.

But it was me.

The invitation was mine.

And I knew it.

God wasn’t asking us to adopt these boys only because they needed us.

God was asking us to adopt these boys because we needed them. In the worst kind of way we needed to be rattled to our core, stripped of our comfort, and dared to glance past our own mailbox.

No matter how many times I whispered over and over, “there’s no way,” this nagging sense of possibility wouldn’t leave me. It wove its way through every fiber of my being until I stood up and shifted everything I thought my family would be with one weakly whispered, “Yes.”

And though it was it hard, it was good. Very good.

Now here I sit 8 years later with the same nagging sense of possibility.

About the Dream Center. About what I found there. About how something in my soul shifted and won’t shift back. About a joy I feel that can’t be explained.

How in the world do you find joy- real joy- in midst of a place like the Dream Center? A fresh joy- like make you feel more alive then you’ve felt in a long time joy in the midst of crazy, crazy brokenness?

I couldn’t understand it until this morning when I made a little exchange with God. I gave Him all my questions about what I’m supposed to do. He gave me back His word.

And I’m just going to go ahead and warn you now, you might want to stop reading this post right here.

Seriously, now might be a good time to turn off the computer and go to the Target dollar aisle. Because you won’t get messed up and ruined for good at the Target dollar aisle. And I won’t be offended if you go.

I get it.

I wasn’t in the mood to get messed up either.

But getting ‘messed up’ is sometimes the only way we’re propelled to ‘get up.’ And when we ‘get up’ and do what God’s people were designed to do, we start living the joy we’re supposed to have.

So, here goes… don’t say I didn’t warn you.

“… If you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday. The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.” Isaiah 58:10-11

Wow. I love God’s word.

I love how clear it is.

It’s answered a lot for me.

And once again, I’m messed up in the best kind of way.

What do you think of these verses? How do they speak to you?

___________________________

This weekend I will be speaking at First Baptist Church of Portland, TN. I would be honored to meet you at this conference. Everyone is welcome.

And for those who live in or near TX, I will be speaking at Kelview Heights Baptist Church in Midland, TX on August 26-27. Everyone is welcome. Make it a fun girls weekend.