Saturday, August 30

I’m Disappointed In Myself

I think I’ve finally figured out the root cause of the chaos that sometimes sweeps into my life and makes the worst of me emerge.

I struggle with decisions. I don’t want to miss out on opportunities, mess up relationships by disappointing people, or misstep right out of God’s will.

And then, I struggle with wondering if my inability to do it all will make my kids wind up on a therapist’s couch one day. How do other women seem to do it all?

And worst of all, I struggle with feeling like I’m going to let God down.

Descriptions ping in my head: I’m tired. I’m distracted. I’m disappointed in myself.

I feel slightly used and more than slightly used up. I’m a little overwhelmed and a lot worn down.

Can you relate? I thought maybe you would.

Last year I finally had to admit I wasn’t doing so well. So I put pen to paper and dared to explore this topic as an author who needs this message most of all.

This time was hard for me. Admission instead of omission.

I had to admit that I needed to reevaluate. I whispered, “God, I really want to do life right. So I give and serve and love and do and sacrifice. I do it all with a happy heart, an open checkbook, a calendar dedicated to being Your girl. I study Your Word. I tuck truth in my heart and as a trembling, brave one, I determine to charge upward and forward each day. I’m going to be fine, right God?”

And yet there was this nagging sense that something was a bit off inside me. Someone would make a request of me that I knew right away was unrealistic. My brain would say no. My schedule would say no. My reality would say no. But my heart would say yes! Then my mouth would betray my intention of saying no, and blurt out, “Yes, of course.”

I dreaded saying yes but felt powerless to say no. I dreaded saying yes not because I don’t love that person. I love them very much. But I dreaded what saying yes would do to the already running-on-empty me.

And I kept on marching as if this is how a Christian woman is supposed to live, as if this is the call on my life, as if this is all there is.

I misused the two most powerful words, yes and no.

Every assignment felt like my assignment.

And this kind of thinking almost made me crumble and quit ministry.

Friends, can I gently but honestly say it’s time to stop the chaos?

The acid of over-activity eats holes in our souls. From those holes leaks the cry of the calling that never quite happened. We said yes to so much that we missed what I call our Best Yes assignments — simply because we didn’t heed the warning of the whispers within us begging to reassess and breathe.

acidofoveractivity

Are you wanting something more for your life than an endless to-do list and the feeling that you’re never quite keeping up?

We must not confuse the command to love with the disease to please. And it’s not just because of the vicious cycles of people pleasing, although that’s part of it. I miss Best Yes opportunities sometimes because I simply don’t know they’re part of the equation.

I get all twisted up in making the decision to check either the Yes or No box, not realizing there is a third box that reads Best Yes.

I want to introduce you to a more realistic and fulfilling way to live in my new book, The Best Yes: Making Wise Decisions in the Midst of Endless Demands. Click here to purchase your copy.

Today I’m giving away a Kindle, loaded with the eBook version of The Best Yes!

For your chance to win, sign up for the Proverbs 31 Ministries online Bible study of The Best Yes below and leave a comment to let me know that you signed up.

Type your information here to sign up for
The Best Yes Online Bible Study.

Discussion

  1. 452
    Lauren Gonzalez says:

    Signed up! :-) <3

  2. 453

    I signed up!

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