My sweet friend, Jill Savage, is rounding out the 4-week series I’m doing to answer a question so many moms are asking…am I messing up my kids? (If you missed any previous posts, simply click the link: week 1, week 2, week 3.) I’m excited to share with you all that God has placed on her heart about the pressure of perfection we sometimes feel as moms. Here’s Jill…
The phone rang in the chaos of the “after school…almost dinner-time” hour. I was making a dinner salad (translated: I poured a bag of lettuce into a pretty glass bowl and threw some cherry tomatoes on for color!), helping two kids with their homework, and trying to keep my 4-year-old busy enough to not whine for dinner.
I grabbed the phone and shoved it between my ear and my shoulder answering with a quick, “Hello, this is Jill!” The voice on the other end of the line was obviously emotional. “Moooooom, this is Erica. Did you forget me?”
I quickly did a head count…one, two, three…four…oh my. Erica’s not here…I thought all my chicks were in the nest, but there was one at basketball practice and it completely slipped my mind that she wasn’t home and I needed to pick her up!
I couldn’t lie. “Erica, I am so sorry!” I apologized. “I completely forgot to pick you up. I will be right there!”
The sniffling on the other end of the phone made my guilt run deeper. How could I forget my own child? What kind of mom does something like that? How will she ever forgive me?
If we’re honest with one another, we all have stories like that to share. There are no perfect moms.
Like most moms, I entered the motherhood scene wanting to be the perfect mom. I read. I prepared. I planned. I dreamed. I determined to be intentional about everything I did from choosing the right kind of laundry detergent that would be best for their skin to choosing the right school that would be best for their education. I was going to be supermom. I would do it all and do it all well. Then life happened.
Someone once said, “Hindsight is 20/20.” Looking back on that scene now, 11 years later, I have a valuable perspective that I didn’t have then. My now 22-year-old daughter isn’t emotionally scarred because I forgot her at basketball practice. She’s a well-adjusted young adult—a mom herself, who has a great story to tell especially when she wants to get a little sympathy or a good laugh at family gatherings.
You know what? My pursuit of being the “perfect mom” set me up for failure from day one. There are no perfect moms; just imperfect women who will fall off the pedestal of their own expectations more often than they care to admit. We’re all subject to what I’ve dubbed the “Perfection Infection.”
A good friend once told me, “Jill, never compare your insides to someone else’s outsides.” She shared that wisdom when she heard me unconsciously compare myself to another mom after one of my many failures. That powerful statement still sticks with me. I now realize that most moms play the comparison game dozens of times every day.
We constantly look to see how we measure up to those around us. For most of us…we don’t measure up. But how can we? We compare ourselves to something that doesn’t exist. We compare our messy insides—our struggles, our failures, our less-than-perfect lives– to other women’s carefully cleaned up, perfect-looking outsides at church, on Facebook, at the library, at work, and just about anywhere we run into another mom. It’s a game we play that we’ll never ever win.
I believe it’s time to stop. Stop the mommy wars. Stop comparing our insides to other moms’ outsides. Stop trying to be perfect. Stop thinking that others are better or better off than we are. We tell our kids to knock it off when their behavior has crossed a line and I believe it’s time that we moms knock it off, too!
God’s Truth confirms this in Galatians 5:26. I personally love how it reads in The Message,
“That means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original.”
I’m driving a stake in the ground and saying “No more!” Want to join me? You can take a first step by signing the Knock It Off Commitment.
I’m also offering some fun giveaways today! Five commenters will be chosen to win a copy of my book, No More Perfect Moms, and one commenter will be chosen to win two registrations for the Hearts at Home Conference – one for you and one for a friend. (If you don’t happen to live in the conference area, you’ll still receive a Conference-To-Go which includes all aspects of the conference in a CD or MP3 format!)
Together, we can tackle the Perfection Infection and stop making unfair judgments and comparisons that don’t do any of us any good. Think about it: you and I can begin to change the world for our sons and daughters starting today. I’m ready. Are you?
Thanks so much for this! So often I am my own worst enemy! I don’t even have to compare myself to someone else – just the idea of the mom I think I should be. I was just berating myself for not living up to my own expectations today when I read this. I so appreciate the reminder to cut myself some slack! 🙂
I have done this more than I want to admit but this summer my daughter had major hip surgery and was in a cast that went from mid torso down to her left ankle. And I was not okay or perfect and we needed a lot of help! And it turns out that was not only okay bit people were really happy to help. It has been a real learning point in my life. And my daughter is doing great!
This has been on my heart so much lately. Thank you for the gentle reminder! I am done comparing and beating myself up. I just want to enjoy my babies!!!!
Thank you for this. You will never know how much I needed this at this moment, but God did. I am just getting home from a 16+ hour day. This wasn’t expected and I missed the whole evening with my son. I feel like the worst mom on the planet right now. Your article helped me put my perspective back in place.
I love this outlook, I have been personally struggling with “messing”up my kids so much and feeling inadequate… It’s just a roller coaster of motherhood! Thanks for reminding me I’m doing ok!
Thank you for this reminder. Often times its those closest to us whom we compare and in comparison there is no winner. Help me Jesus to be the mom you created me to be for my 3 chickies and to never look past that.
Thanks for driving the stake in!! So many of us struggle with this issue daily. I have an 18 year old and a 17 month old and I am now comparing myself to younger moms around me. God made us who we are, our circumstances and environment does not change that. Blessings my sister in Christ
This has been an issue for me on both sides – I sometimes catch myself judging another for making different choices with their kids than I do; but more often, I see things other moms do and wonder if I am falling short with my kids. I feel inadequate when my son refuses to eat like my friends’ kids (did I mess up his diet and somehow cause his pickiness?). I see my stay at home mom friends planning lots of playdates (is school/daycare enough socializing or should I try to plan more playdates on weekends when I’m not at work)? I have been trying to make a conscious effort to not compare and find shortcomings, but it is hard when my insecurities and desire to give my children “the best” gets in the way. Thank you for your message!
Super moms are those ladies that will knock it off, stop comparing and be the best mom to the children God granted us the privelage of raising! Thank you Jill & Lysa. I would love, love, love to go back to the Hearts at Home conference!!!
This is just what I needed to hear. I am a total perfectionist and I do compare myself with others. I love the saying not to compare our insides with someone else’s outsides. Thank you for sharing this with me and I am super excited about your book!
Thanks,
Jodi
I love the verse you shared. I am going to memorize it and remind myself of God’s promises whenever the negative self-talk starts up. Thank you for sharing your heart and letting God use you to reach others.
Blessings! 🙂
I needed this today as I feel so NOT together. My son yelled at me for singing in the cafeteria during pick up from school. I want to be myself without embarrassing my kids. Thank you for reminding me not to judge, others and myself. Blessings to you!
Oh my goodness! We were just discussing this very thing at Bible study this evening. I think God is telling me to knock it off!;) loud and clear! Thanks for sharing this post!!
Thank you for this!!As a single mom of two year old twins I am constantly feeling inadequate and guilty, worried I’m not giving them enough one on one time,energy,love, etc. I Look around and it’s so easy to get caught up in comparison trap fueled by jealousy or anxiety. But when I rely on God’s strength and His guidance it is then I know that I will be more than okay and so will my kids!
I usually feel that I’m in the running for World’s Worst Mom though I really try to be the best. A typical day for me: I was late leaving work to get that one to practice on time. Too distracted to give my full attention to the other. Keep forgetting to make that one’s needed doctor appointment. Have no idea how to handle the other’s social issue. Thank goodness for Google so that I can look up homework questions, otherwise I’d feel like a complete failure. But, at the end of the day when I’m tucking them in and they hug me and tell me they love me, I know I’m doing something right. Even if I have no idea what it is.
This was a great reminder!!!! Love “never compare your insides to someone elses outside,”
Thank you for this Jill and Lysa
Oh how I needed this tonight. I wanted to give my children a perfect Christmas memory of their first time with a real tree. It turned into a Griswald moment. ha!
Oh, I love this one! I have caught myself trying to be perfect and expecting my two little girls to be perfect far too often lately! I even received No More Perfect Moms as a gift earlier in the year and keep beating myself up because I haven’t read it yet…all the more reason to put it at the top of my must-read list! This article reminds me that really, I need to extend myself as much grace as I do to most anyone I meet. I know they’re not perfect, so how could I be?! I think this may be a great reading at our first MOPS meeting in the Spring semester. 🙂 Thanks for the dose of perspective.
This is timely for me because anytime I attend a family gathering (holiday’s y’all), I can always expect a heaping portion of guilt and insecurity to go as I compare my daughter to my brother’s seemingly perfect children. I second guess my husband and I’s parenting skills, ask myself what we are doing wrong, and feel like we are inadequate for this role of raising a 9-year old girl with ADHD. Deliver me from myself, Lord Jesus!
Thanks for everything you do and share with us!! You two are a gift from God to all of us!! Thank you!!
You two are a blessing!!!! 🙂
Going thru a severe hardship, so I am always comparing what “they” have, to what I don’t have. This will be my new go-to verse.
I too forgot to pick up my daughter once and at the time I was with one of those “perfect” Moms, who incredulously said to me; “YOU FORGOT YOUR OWN CHILD!!!!” I was devastated to say the least. My daughter eventually forgave me and now, years later, we can laugh about it. I love the comment about comparing our insides the others outsides…..so true and I will remember that from now on. Thank you.
Thanks for sharing your wisdom.
As a striver, perfectionist by nature, this has always struck a chord deep in my soul. I am NOT perfect, but I do serve a perfect God. 🙂 Thanks for the great reminder to STOP the comparison game and trying to be perfect!!
This ministered to me so profoundly. As a new mom, minister’s wife and teacher I quite often find myself caught in the trap of the “Perfection Imperfection”. It’s so easy to look at someone else and think they have it all together…in reality, they probably think the same thing about us! Thank you for reminding me that it’s okay to be me…flaws and all. God bless!
Thank you for today’s post. It is very timely, no matter your age or stage in life. I love the translation of that scripture passage. May you be blessed.
I appreciated this today! What great timely reminders for those minutes of my day when I am sooooo wrapped up in work that I blow it with my kids!
Thanks so much for always sharing from your heart. God uses you to always touch my heart. Even though I may not be the perfect mom, in Gods eyes, I am just the way made me. A work in progress and a sinner saved by Grace.
I needed this today. Last night my son gave me 3 stickers for NOT yelling tonight. No, I didn’t yell last night but I was only with him for 2 hours before he went to bed so instead of feeling like it was an accomplishment for getting 3 stickers, I felt ashamed that the only reason I probably didn’t yell yesterday was because I only “mothered” him for a short time last night before going to bed. I just can’t seem to measure up to my own expectations of what I think a good mother is. My son is constantly telling me that I’m the best mother in the world and the thought in my mind is that he’s wrong!
Facebook is a comparison trap. I once heard it said that it’s comparing my real life to someone else’s highlight reel. Not a good idea. Thanks for the post!
This was so meant for me. I must be the champion at comparing myself to other Moms. There is a lady at my church that everyone loves and so many times I think if I could just be like her….then my daughter would act sweet like hers, then people would love me as much as they love her, then my husband would say the things her does! If I could just be as good a Mom as her. I know her life isn’t perfect and that she’s not the perfect Mom….I just want to stop comparing myself to her and other Moms!
Such good truth! I love the down-to-earth wisdom Jill brings!
Would love more advice from the book or conference as I take on life with my five adorable crazies! 🙂
I always compare myself with other people. I always have and I am trying really hard to break that! I am frying to focus on my family and not what I think others think of me. Also, not to judge others family life because I don’t live their lives so I do not know what is going on. It is always nice to here that we do not need perfection. We need Jesus and Him alone he will help us through it all!
What a wonderful blog. I was praying today how I can serve my son and daughter-in-law who is pregnant with her second child. They are young parents and I know my daughter-in-law would be specially blessed with this book as in this upcoming year she will have 2 children under 18 months!
Comparison robs the joy we could experience from the blessings God has given to us 🙂 I have to put forth effort to not compare….sometimes we start doing it without even realizing it.
Great post! Very applicable to lots of moms I know…myself included!
Through the course of raising three kids – two of whom are now out of the nest – I have certainly played this game many times. I’ve even been the mom who forgets things for a kid, and probably a kid once or twice as well. And with the ages of the oldest two, these things occurred before cell phones. Age has a way of mellowing us, but until that has a chance to happen, realizing that there’s no such thing as a perfect mom is a key to survival, to be sure.
Great post! A few ladies and I are going through one of Lysa’s books right now and we were just talking about comparing yesterday! “Don’t compare your insides to somebody else’s outsides” is going to be a much heard quote around our home now! 🙂
I needed to hear this today. I am a mom to 2 boys, I work full time at school and I am a minister’s wife. It seems like I fail daily. I see others who look like they do it all with ease. It’s frustrating at times. I wonder what I’m doing wrong. I appreciate you bringing me back to reality. 🙂
Amen Sista!!!! Thank you so much for your encouraging words. Oh, how reading this would have helped me 5 years ago. I wasted so much time and energy feeling that I wasn’t as good a mother as my friends.
I have struggled in this area from time to time, doesn’t help when the media portrays mothers. I need to remember I am a christian and this is not my home, not to look at the worlds view but God’s view.
Thank you! This really hits home. I am always feeling guilty because life is so busy. We spend a lot of time together as a family- I just feel like it is always so rushed! I want so badly to be one of those moms that just has time to play and have more fun. Please help me to stop the madness and the feelings of inadequacy!
Lysa, THANK YOU for always encouraging my heart! Especially with these reminders about imperfect progress in mothering…and not beating myself up! I would LOVE this book!
Great article!! I loved the hearts at home conference. I attended 16 years ago when I was pregnant with my 4th child and didn’t even know I was pregnant at the time. I cried and cried with every skit and speaker and couldn’t figure out why I was being so emotional!!! Great memories! Thx for the encouragement. I will definitely share with other moms!! Jesus bless you today and draw you ever so close!! You are dearly loved!
So true….I hate to admit but I compare my insides to others outsides often. We struggles with this as moms now, but I’m sure that, for many of us, it started as young girls, before we were even moms. I need to begin to sink these truths into the life of my daughter. She is “fearfully and wonderfully made” an original….so am I.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!! Words that we all need to hear!!
I really needed this. We were surprised to find out AFTER deciding to be done that I was expecting 1 more. I am kind of a bear and I have 2 beautiful girls at home and a loving husband. I have become that nagging mom expecting perfection from my 4 yr old. I need to calm down and realize she is not a reflection of me. Stop trying to make her so.
Thx
Jenn
Needed to hear this today.
I have learned from a Great Banquet that we all have been placed in life for HIS special purpose. We are all UNIQUE. Comparison of others will rob you of your joy. Don’t allow God’s gift of the uniqueness of yourself to be stolen.
God Bless,
Sharon
It is so hard not to feel down when we disappoint our kids or have a “Where was my mind moment!”. This is a great reminder that we all have them and God still loves us anyway and will help us learn from them. Thanks for sharing!
Love this each time I hear it! And thank you for the constant reminder….Lord knows we all need it! :~)
Thank you so much for sharing the truth that none of us are perfect. If I look to Facebook and compare my insides with others’ outsides, it leads to nowhere positive!!! Its unbelievable how much pressure I’ve put on myself to “keep up” the good mom image. Thank you for this helpful encouragement!!
What a much needed post for me today! I have fallen into the comparison game too many times, not only in comparing myself to other mothers but also in areas of ministry, outward appearance and a host of other things! I’m writing the verse from Galatians on a note card and putting it on my bathroom mirror! Thank you for the reminder to be the mom that God created me to be!
Thank you so much for this. I needed to hear it today. 🙂 I would love to bring my bestie with to the conference. WE have been friends since we were 3 and now we are raising our kids together! So fun. 🙂
Great relief! Twice I was imperfect( he he) 1 st with my peek daughter and forgetting it was picture day :(. Had matted hair. 2nd my youngest sons 4th grade pictures. Yes I forgot those too. But soon after I found out I wasn’t the only one. Praise Jesus!
I often say that I suffer from “comparisonitis”. Thank you so much for sharing this. I need frequent, sometimes daily, reminders that I am who God created me to be and that’s enough. 🙂
I know I’m not a perfect mom, I can look back and say oyyy why did I do that, why did I behave like that, why did I say that, etc. etc. etc. This book sounds great and I would like to go to a Hearts at Home conference too!
Lysa, Thank for this post. It is so true that as moms we compare ourselves to others. But today is the day that I am going to stop!! Appreciate your openness and honesty. Love & Prayers
Comparison, insecurity, low self esteem, gets me down more times than I’d like to admit as well. The worst thing I hate about it is that it can hurt those I love the most around me. Which just begins the entire cycle of feeling like the worst mom and wife ever. Thank you for writing about this topic.
Thank you, Jill & Lysa, for talking about the things that we all feel. We are just afraid to put the words together. This is such an encouragement to me because I know I compare myself and our family to others. I know I am not perfect (and neither is my loving family) but we try – and wake up to try again. I know I had ideals of my life when I was a teenager that also set me up for failure. The funny thing is, I just didn’t know it then!! Gotta love the 20/20 vision!! Thank you again – what a blessing & encouragement you both are for all of us! Katrina
I lead a moms group at our church and frequently speak and encourage our moms on this topic. Comparisons are so hard for women not to make! I’d love to share the book with some of our moms!
Thank you for sharing this wonderful message. As moms we do set ourselves up on the pedestal of perfection.We forget that we are human. There is no way we can possibly live up to the standards we set for ourselves. We are going to fail. It is nice to see I am not the only one who feels this way.
How I wish I had heard this years and years ago – never compare your insides to someone else’s outsides. Wow. My boys are grown now, but I will remember this in so many other areas of my life. Thank you!
Thank you for sharing! I struggle with this as I am too hard on myself as a Mom. I bought AMY GRANT’s song “DON’T TRY SO HARD” as a reminder. I shared the No More Perfect Mom 30 day challenge with 3 of my friends & sister. I love your insight Jill & Lysa!
Thanks for sharing. I would love to receive your book. As a mom of 5 and homeschooling 3 of those 5 life gets busy and crazy.
Oh oh wintry to be a super mom and do not succeed in my eyes even though my children tell me I am? Still this little person in my head says not. Help!
Thank you so much-your words were timely for me. I love ‘Perfection Infection’– wow can it spread inside of me like wild fire if I allow it to. Your basketball story was honest & funny. As I read it, I thought, “Of course, it’s OK & understandable, that gal has a lot going on”. But when I make mistakes, I feel that same thinking & grace doesn’t apply to me. Voices nag me, “how could you….do you even know what you’re doing, see you can’t even get that simple thing right.” I appreciate your honesty and challenge. I signed the commitment, thanks for the encouragement today.
I love it! Sign me up!! As I age I’m finding the more fed up I get with the whole perfectionism and comparison thing. I’ve done this my whole life and it brings nothing but misery to myself and those around me. Thank you for sharing!! 🙂
AMEN! What a beautiful and timely reminder – thank you!
I needed this! Thank you!! I am putting my stake in the ground also and by God’s grace, I’m going to STOP the comparison game.
I helped a mom this week who I THOUGHT had IT all together. Instead of comparison and feeling better about her imperfections…..I said “JOIN the CLUB” and helped her out of a jam.
Glad for the perspective!!
Jamie
Such a great point. I’m also very excited for the HAH conference!! I’m planning to put any Christmas money toward going. 🙂 the book by Jill is a good book too. I’ve got it & I read it – she really does point out a lot of the places we as moms tend to judge & compare but my favorite has to be the one above where she says not to compare others’ outsides with your insides! 🙂
Your message hit home to me. I wasn’t 15 seconds in and the tears were streaming down my face. I love this message! It is so nice to hear that I am not the only one who struggles with this! Sometimes I feel like I am the only one who doesn’t measure up.
Thank you for this beautiful message today! I was struggling with this (as usual) yesterday. I was driving thinking about all of the ways I’m falling short as the mom I wanted to be; my house isn’t decorated, the kids are complaining about not having good ingredients for cookies, I’m not being the creative homeschool mom I want to be, and the list goes on. Thank you for for reminding me I’m doing the best I can, that I need to stop comparing myself to other moms, and that God has me in the place He wants me to be right now.
Thanks, Jill. I’ve read your book and love it.
I am so glad I have joined your blog. I have always felt I have messed up my kids by what I have do or forgotten to do or not do. What you said is completely true that there is not one perfect mom. My kids are 30, 23, and 17 and to this day I regret a lot of things I have done in the past but I see now that it is me that is messed up not my kids. I need to let go of the regrets and guilt and just move on with it but that is hard for me but with the lords help I will.
This whole 4 week series has been so encouraging. Today’s post was wonderful as well-definitely a God sent word! I really liked the Galatians correctly shared from The Message-I need to put that up where I can see it often. Blessings on all at P31!
I am so far from the perfect mom. Thankfully God has blessed my children and they are wise and loving with hearts of compassion. Growing into adults who have life plans that are incredible. Thank you for the reminder that we don’t have to be super mom.
Wow! This really reasonated with me today! I definitely judge my insides based on others outsides and didn’t even realize it until now. I even got so fed up I stopped going on Facebook because I felt like such a failure all the time. Thank you so much for this post!
Okay, who has been peeking in my windows to get the contents of their messages??? Enough is enough, pick on somebody else (haha). THANK YOU so much for your daily dose of encouragement but most of all for “keeping it real”. The honesty of the P31 women has made a difference in my life. Thank you!
Good words. Thanks.
Thank you for writing this. This speaks volumes & I plan to read ot at my Busy Women prayer group. I know other mommies it can help.
Oh this was just what I needed to hear this morning! I have been feeling so discouraged lately whan it comes to being a mom and all that goes along with that role. Thank you for this message!
Thank you so much for reaching out to other mothers. We really need this encouragement. I have been experiencing serious behavior issues with my 8 year old son for the last year. Once again I am at my wits end. I’m at a point when I want to crawl in my bed and cry….but I know I can’t. It won’t solve the problem and it won’t help my son. It’s time to re-read Unglued and quit thinking this way. Thank you again for all you give. Blessings…..
The words, “stop comparing your insides to someone’s else’s outside”, stopped me dead in my tracks. That is something I do probably a million times a day and it was not, until I read those words, did I realize how much I do. That statement sums up perfectly what is so easy to believe and do, especially in this social media heavy world. Thank you for helping me to see reality for what it is and for helping me to be intentional in “letting go and letting God”. Blessings to everyone on the P31 team. You will never know how much all these messages mean to me.
Great reminder! When you have an extreme Type A personality and one of your strengths is competition, you don’t always remember that it is ok not to be perfect in everything we do, every minute of every day.
Thank you, this is something I so desperately needed to hear today. So many times I feel like I’m messing my kids up.
We have been studying No More Perfect Moms in our moms group at a local church. It really has helped us to let go of the Perfection Infection and forgive ourselves for not being perfect. I personally am focusing more on being a better spiritual guide to my children rather than worry about the house being clean or dishes done. Those things can wait but my children’s relationship with God cannot. And it’s taken me 8 years to figure that out. Thank you for you guidance, Jill!
Never compare your insides to someone else’s outsides. I’m going to write that down so I remember that. This really spoke to me today. Thank you, Jill and Lisa. We’re also reading Am I Messing Up My Kids with a small group right now and that has been a big time blessing. I look forward to reading this one, too.
Your thoughts truly resonate with me today. Always comparing, even though I know God made me and guides me… and I am the best mom for my kids! Thanks for your words of encouragement.
I am not sure I will ever really be able to ‘get pass’ this. God gave each child for me to raise up and teach them to love Him as I do. I know as they get older they make their own decisions and are accountable but I always am wondering if I am doing enough to teach them how amazing their heavenly Father is to live for and love. I am not sure I will ever ‘relax’ and enjoy the ride of being a mother.
It can really be so difficult to stop the warring with myself and others. I do tend to compare my messy insides with the outsides of others–and wonder why I come out the loser each time. Crazy! I love the fact that Jill so clearly tells us to give grace–to ourselves, as well as others. We are all trying to do the best we can with our situation. Praise the Lord that our kids are so resilient, and, in the end, belomg to Him, so He can make up for our shortcomings!
Thanks so much for the reminders. This series has been a blessing to this 40-something mother of a preschooler!
Carissa in eastern Iowa
Love love love Jill Savage! Her stories are very encouraging!
I’m very thankful that though I am imperfect, God sees me through His Son Jesus who IS perfect.
Thank you for sharing messages that can speak to me where I’m at in my life.
I love the quote, “stop comparing your insides with others’ outsides”. Boy, isn’t that so true? We are fully aware of what’s going on in our inner struggles but we have no idea what someone else’s private thoughts or feelings or struggles are. I’m very guilty of the comparison game and this comparison quote will be a great reminder to me to stop that terrible game!
I love this!
WOW – It is so hard not to compare ourselves….I see and understand how this is a no win game. I am made to be the mom God wanted me to be and if I seek Him as I go through this journey I can only win! I LOVE the Lord and am so grateful He blessed me with my children!
I’d LOVE to stop comparing myself to others!! Would really boost my self esteem, but it’s SO hard!
Nothing is impossible with God!
This has put into words some of the thoughts I have been having so well! Thanks for sharing.
Thank you so much for this post today. As I sit here trying to do ten things at once, not doing any of them, well, my four-year-old is being babysat by the TV before heading off to preschool and I am trying to remind myself to pick up both other kids after school at different schools (or make sure one gets a ride). Thank you for the opportunity to either win your book or win a chance to go to the conference.
I just wrote about grace yesterday and being a recovering perfectionist. I love God’s sense of humor. When I think I’m finally doing it right, I’m reminded once again it’s never in my OWN strength that I do anything well. 🙂
[email protected]
Blessings –
Cheri Swalwell 🙂
I can attest to being left at school after an activity, and so was my husband. Neither of us are permanently scarred by this event 🙂 We all mess up sometimes. On my blog, we call this being a Good Enough Mom: forgiving yourself for your imperfections and moving on. Truthfully, I think that our kids are better off when we put down the expectation of perfection, because then they don’t have to pick it up and apply it to themselves!
Several of my friends are regulars at the conference, but I have always been working weekends and unable to go. This year, I will be at home full time, and would love to attend, but without the job, I have the time but less money. Winning a trip would be incredible!
Your message today spoke right into my soul. I often compare myself to other Mom’s because It seems like so many other Mom’s really have it all together. Having strong willed children has been such a challenge for me and so often I feel as if I am doing it all wrong! I need to have confidence in the fact that God knows what He is doing and as long as I look to Him…they will turn out fine. :). Thank you, Lysa for being so open and willing to share the realities of life. It helps me to feel I am normal and that we all make mistakes.
I absolutely love the message version of the Galations verse. I wrote it down and plan on memorizing it. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you so much for this post today. Perfect timing, God timing. I have been struggling lately with raising my ever so smart 12year old and feeling much like a failure. I see i do just as she does. Envy what other have when really we do have something pretty good. Thank you, thank you…. i qm going to have to go back and reread the past weeks for more reminders. Thank you for all the encouragement i receive from reading your posts. God bless you!!
I am ashamed to say how often I compare or judge myself to others. Ii would say 99.9% of the time it brings me to tears and feelings of failure. Thanks for sharing this, I needed it.
Thank you! Thank you! This blessed me this morning! I have found myself in this place often; trying to be the “perfect” mom. But God has spoken to me through scripture and wonderful ministries such as Proverbs31. He has helped keep me focused on my life purpose as a mother.
When you frame the message within God’s Word, that makes it more necessary and important to me — because He tells us so. Continuing to strive for perfection is like failing to repent…..all the more reason to stop.
I love what Renee Swope says about completing rather than competing with our women. In our women’s ministry at our church, that has been our goal for the last few years– striving to complete not compete!
Love your post.
Jill, thank you for sharing so much of your story with others. And, thank you for leading me to Lysa’s blog, I look forward to exploring it in more detail.
Never compare your insides to someone else’s outsides. I really needed to hear this. I do this a lot. It is very hard not to compare what’s inside me with others show on the outside and come up short. Thank you for sharing this. Makes me feel more normal and not like I am the only one who makes mistakes.
Thank-you for the post. I too often compare my insides to other mom’s outsides.
This is SO TRUE!!!!!!!!! I love it … thank you so much for these posts regarding motherhood, they have helped me a lot, we all struggle with it one way or another.
Great reminders!!!!!
<3
Love Jill’s books! She is so down to earth. I was fortunate enough to attend one hearts at home conference…I would highly recommend the conference to anyone who is a mom or grandma….etc. Good luck to all the ladies entering:-)
Love this, thank you!
Comparing insides to outsides… powerful image. It is so hard to remember that what we see as the public image of someone is NOT their reality. They also have struggles, hurts, fears, failures, dreams that no one knows about. Just like I do. It is time to inoculate against the perfection infection with the truth of God’s word. “My power is perfected in weakness” We aren’t supposed to be able to handle it all. We are supposed to rest in HIM. Beautiful
I agree with your view of not comparing our dirty selves to others’ shiny, polished exterior. Show your kids love any chance you get and in the long run, the slip ups won’t matter.
Ahhhhhh….thank you, thank you, thank you! Much needed today!
I love how the Message puts it, “We have far more interesting things to do with our lives.” We put so much time an energy into trying to be something we’re not, and can never be, all because we have been made to believe that’s who/what we SHOULD be. When I see a mama struggling in the store with her strong-willed toddler, I don’t judge her, because I know what she’s feeling right then, even though my own toddler might be sitting in the cart quietly at that moment. So why do I judge myself when the roles are reversed and I’m the one struggling in the moment? Its so silly, and I have better things to do with my time and energy. I’m off to sign my commitment to Knock It Off!
I loved this post complete with Jill’s confession. How many of us have forgotten our kids somewhere? I knowi have! We can be so quick to judge others when we really don’t know what they are going through, have gone through, or what’s in their heart. Thankfully, we serve a God who does! I am grateful for the hardships I have endured because they have drawn me closer to Him and given me a better understanding, if not empathy, for others’ situations. Thank you for this post!
As a mother of a 13 year old girl, 8 year old boy, and almost 3 year old girl, I am constantly wondering… am I messing up my kids? I look at other moms and wonder how they make everything run so smoothly, and oh how I wish I could do the same, so that I can have the same great relationship with my kids as they do with theirs. I guess I just don’t want to fail. But then again, who does?? Thank you for this. You are right. It’s about time I knock it off!
I wish I could say I always apply this message I keep hearing over and over and over, but I don’t always. I appreciate this timely reminder, especially here at holiday time : )
Stop comparing my insides to another’s outsides made me realize how much I do this without even thinking! I can’t wait to get the commitment printed off and share with my moms group at church.
This is something I have been dealing with since the birth of my first child. I was determined to do things perfectly and better than the mothers I had watched go before me. Now I am the mother of three children, and you would think I would have overcome this issue but I haven’t. My mentor spoke with me a few weeks ago if my battle wasn’t more from an issue of pride than worrying about being the best mom, or at least better than the ones I compair myself to. I was angered, until God softened my heart. I am dealing with pride, even though I didn’t see it that way. Now I do, and I wish I could say the struggle is over but it isn’t. Pride causes me to compair myself to others, if I am better than the next mom, them I feel good about myself, if I am not I instantly think I have failed. God didn’t call me to raise someone else’s children, he called me to raise my own. He gave them to me knowing my faults and weaknesses, but he also gave them to me knowing my strengths and my heart. If I think I am failing, aren’t I ultimately saying God made a mistake in choosing me to raise these precious babies he has entrusted to me?
I think this is liberating comforting knowing that we could all relate to each other and we are not alone in our battles. We all have the same goal of raising children who are lead by God and His will.
If this post resonated with you, I highly recommend Jill’s book No More Perfect Moms! The entire book spoke volumes to me! Jill is a wonderful author and speaker and I look forward each year to attending Hearts at Home to see what new wisdom she and the other speakers have for me…that is where I was first introduced to you Lysa (sure hope to see you back there again in the future!). I would love to win the free registration for the Bloomington conference so I can share the free one with my cousin, who might not otherwise be able to afford to attend.
This is such a struggle for me. Thanks for the wisdom.
Oh, boy, guilty as charged! I forgot my son at church two Sundays in a row (the same son!). The perfection infection is quite easily spread. It’d be awesome to have a vaccination for it. Your commitment sounds like a beginning Jill. Thanks!
I love Jill Savage and I love Lysa! No More Perfect Mom’s is an awesome book, so is Unglued and Real Moms Real Jesus. These ladies know how to hit right at home and let you know that you are exactly like everyone else–only they don’t admit it. The HAH Conference is such a blessing. I believe I have been attending for seven years now and it is truly amazing how these speakers can every year give you exactly what you need at the time. It is definately a gift from God.
I love both of your writing and blogs so much — thank you for all the encouragement you give!
This was a very comforting post. Not long ago my 13 year old son and I got into a fight about something that I don’t even remember, I doubt he does either. But what was said has echoed in my head over and over. “Mom sometimes I hate you” I remember the stabbing pain I tried to ignore as I replied with “Hate me if you must but I still know what’s best for you.” I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was some how the worst Mom ever. Then recently something happened that put me in the hospital for a week with a life threatening medical issue. For Thanksgiving (less than two weeks after I came home) my son posted on face book “This year I have a lot to be thankful for but most importantly my Mom is alive and doing much better.” After giving him a teary hug he looked at me and said, “Mom, no one can replace you, I need you so please don’t scare me like that again.” In my efforts to be perfect I am learning that while I may not be a perfect mom and I am the right Mom for the job. Thank you Lysa, I am truly enjoying this series, it is really touching my heart.
What great encouragement! Just like so many other posts, my favorite quote was “stop comparing your insides to someone’s else’s outside.” It’s something to keep in mind every time I feel like I don’t quite have it all together like so-and-so! I want to be the best mom I can be, and that needs to start with realizing that there are no perfect moms!
I was left at the library after school when I was in middle school. Although I didn’t want to talk to my mom the rest of the evening because I was so hurt, I have no lasting trauma and we laugh a lot about it now. Realizing that makes me feel a lot better about all the “mistakes” I do now with my girls. Hopefully, we’ll even get some great stories to tell later 🙂
I constantly compare myself to other moms, I have 3 little boys and work full time. I love my job, i spent a lot of time on my education so I don’t want to give it up, but I see my friends who are stay at home moms and they love it and seem to have it all together and I feel like i live in chaos. I feel guilty for not wanting and loving to be a stay at home mom. I am grateful for all these comments, knowing I am not alone and I do not have to compare myself to others.
It is so hard to NOT fall into the comparison trap! Thanks for sharing. This is a great message!
Thank you for this! It’s something every mom needs to hear. I am printing out several copies of this, and placing it on my break room table, for my coworker moms to read and take. Thank you again!
We are human and make mistakes, busy like Martha, trying to be Mary.. Perfection is not what matters, but can be hard to learn to accept that, laugh at ourselves, and move on, I always say, I am so perfect at being imperfect! 🙂 Thank you for sharing!
Great reminder! This story, which I remembered from reading your book, helped me feel “normal” on the day I forgot to pick-up my first grader from school. Even though I was embarrassed, I was able to forgive myself instead of being consumed by the “guilt/failure monster”. I can’t wait for the Hearts at Home Conference!!!!
Thank you for the reminder that no matter how much another mom may seem to have it all together, we all have our own imperfections. That is what makes us unique and exactly what our family needs.
Yes, Yes, Yes! I am writing down what you said about comparing your insides to others outsides. Thank you for sharing Lysa.
Thanks for this beautiful message, especially during this busy holiday season!
It is funny how we teach are kids not to compare themselves with others but as parents we compare ourselves with others.
Thank you, I happened to open up Lysa’s email today and started to read this, but then went and read the first 3. Exactly what I needed to hear today.
I was asked to give my testimony for our MOPS Christmas brunch yesterday. I didn’t realize how difficult it was going to be when I agreed to do it. For so long I have not told my story because I was comparing myself and my story to the other moms that I know, to their outsides. I look at their lives, they seem to have it all together, and I definately DON’T. I was comparing my insides to their outsides. Thank you for this article, it is very relevant to me and my mess (that I got to hang out there for the world just yesterday).
Thank you for sharing that powerful insight about not “comparing our insides to others outsides”. It’s something I want to share with my kids and their teen friends. I wish I would’ve heard that and put it into practice years ago.
Jill thank you for encouraging my heart this morning.
As a wife and as a mom of 4 boys, I am always going in several different directions trying to meet everyone’s needs, I have fallen into the trap of trying to be perfect and I always fall far short of my own expectations! This timely reminder was definitely something I needed to hear, thanks for sharing!
Wow! this was just what I needed to hear today. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for being so vulnerable. thank you Proverbs 31 ministry for all you do! God bless 🙂
This was such a great post. I loved the comment on not comparing our insides with others’ outsides. I so often feel like I am the only one who doesn’t have it all together!
I love Jill’s story. After oversleeping my phone alarm (that I had accidently set to vibrate while nursing my 3 week old) by AN HOUR, I was 40 minutes late to pick up my first grader. What was even worse was the three missed phone calls of concern from the school wondering if I was ok. My face was a little more than red when I dragged my three children into the school to pick up my oldest from the afterschool program. She still remembers it with fondness to this day. She had always dreamed of going to the “latchkey” program.
Amen! I needed to be reminded of this. Thanks!
This is a real struggle of mine! Thanks for this reminder!
This is always in the back of my mind, am I scarring my kids with little or big mistakes? Thanks for the reminder that we are all human and that our children do survive our mistakes.
I love this and I love hearing from you Lysa!!
Thank you so much for your inspiring message this morning. I definitely needed to read this today. Just yesterday I was so fed up with my whiny, strong-willed, almost 4 year old daughter, that I literally ran out of Godly parenting responses and fell into the “yelling will be the only way she hears what i’m saying.” trap. But I don’t want to yell and I don’t want to parent like that. Then the guilt and the comparrison came on strong and I could just feel the devil laughing at me for my mistakes. What a great message that has given me a renewed energy to parent God’s way and the courage to stop comparring myself to other moms.
Your message is “REAL”! As women, we try to put on facades and often we don’t let those around us see the REAL us! The comparison game is dangerous, and God has made each of different talents and abilities to compliment each other.
Thanks for your message today.
“Never compare your insides to someone else’s outsides.” Wow! What a powerful statement that I so needed to hear today! Love this one!
I am a new mom. My baby is two weeks old. Some days I feel like I don’t have a clue what I’m doing and think that I could be a better mom. I needed to hear this today. I really like what you said about not comparing your insides to others outsides. I want to remember this. I have been like you reading everything I can get my hands on about parenting. I need to remember that I’m not perfect and things don’t go how I plan them.
Hi Kayla, to add to what you said about things don’t go as planned… Babies don’t follow the plan either especially those thoughtfully written books that tell you your routine to make a perfect baby. Congratulations. Those little beings are amazing in so many ways.
Wow how encouraging! Thank you for these wonderful words of wisdom!!!
This definitely hit home with me today. Thank you so much for this post. It’s nice to know I am not the only one that struggles in this area.
Sure appreciate the encouragement. Thanks for sharing it! Galatians 5:26 in The Message hit the spot. We do have far more interesting and important things to do with our lives than compare.
Thanks for this. I rarely get through a day without thinking and/or saying that I’m afraid I’m ruining my children. I feel so guilty all the time, but whenever another Mom says the same thing, I’m quick to point out all she has done right. Why are we always hardest on ourselves? It’s time to knock it off! Thank you for your words of encouragement and the reminder that none of us are perfect; we’re all in this together!
I have really been trying to remember that I don’t know what most people are truly going through. I have been trying to lift up the moms around me more because if I’m struggling, they most likely are, too. This mothering stuff is hard, but I have four loves counting on me not to give up.
It’s so hard to live in grace – I give it to my kids, but forget to give it to myself! Thanks for the reminder!!
I’m not sure about this perfection scene – the proverbs 31 woman always does me in – how can we ever live up to that perfect well put together example for us?
Thank you for the reminder we aren’t perfect moms and it is okay! But the encouragement from other women are what get us through the trying times. God Bless you, Lysa and everyone else at Proverbs 31.
thanks for posting this.I neede the encouragement today.
I love Jill Savage! I love Lysa Terkeust! What great role models the two are for so many women! I am so excited about Hearts at Home!
Thank You for todays posting and reminding ourselves not to compare ourselves to no one. My kids were always saying “Well my friends mom___?___” Always better than what i would do. I’m always saying “I was such a bad mom when my kids were growing up.”
I love this message and always remember not to compare my insides to others outside. I try to be real on facebook too so friends and family see the real me.
This was a great post!! We put so many expectations on ourselves while pregnant with our child(ren) and then…reality sets in!! I’m sure we all have those tales to tell of forgetting a child or not making enough cookies for the class party or being too tired after work to read yet another story…yet…by God’s grace we get through it and our children see us as being real when we allow ourselves to make mistakes and rely totally on His grace and mercy! God bless you!!
Thanks for sharing and reminding us that mom mistakes don’t make us bad moms or make our kids bad.
Good post on a day when I am convinced that I’m an utter failure as a mom. Thank you.
There are truly no perfect moms. Yet, there are moms that seek the Lord in the less than perfect moments. I pray for each of us to find compassion from our loving Savior and kindness for ourselves. May we all find the grace we would so willingly hope for another mom, for ourselves.
So many times I question whether or not I am doing right by my children. It’s nice to know I’m not alone. Thank you!!
Easier said than done! Thank God for the grace He pours on me daily! Thank you for the reminder 🙂
I would love a copy to give to my daughter ,mother of a 3 yr old and one on the way. Life is harder these days with Women posting about there wonderful life and perfect children that makes young mothers feel like they are failures.
We just read a chapter in No More Perfect Moms with our moms group this morning at church. It’s been great for fostering good discussion and encouraging each other! Thanks for your wise words, Jill!
Great post, always need to hear encouragement to be the mom God created me to be, to my kids.
Being a mom to little ones this was such a real and relieving read! Thank you for being so honest and encouraging!
Thanks so much for this! Needed it today 🙂
How true a statement “There are no perfect moms; just imperfect women who will fall off the pedestal of their own expectations more often than they care to admit.” I find myself beating MYSELF up over the expectations I have as a mom. However, when I ask my kids what they expect from me, you know what I got? Read to me; cuddle me; color with me; take me on coffee dates (that one from my young adult son!). Maybe I should be listening more to what The Lord has asked of me and what my kids need in a mom, instead of comparing myself to other struggling moms- on their insides, at least. Thank you for the heart reminder.
I so needed this today. I am constantly beating myself up to be that perfect mom.
I love this- “never compare your insides to someone else’s outsides.” I say to myself a lot that its about progress, not perfection. And as I celebrate my childrens’ successes, big and small, I ought to be celebrating my own victories, big and small!
I loved Jill’s story. I just started reading your book “Unglued” and love it. I’m coming to see you in Clermont, GA on January 11th. I can’t wait. See you then.
Y’all!! The struggle is SO REAL!!! I really needed to read this today. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!!! You have put perfectly into words how so many of us really feel! :))
i have read no more perfect moms three times and recently bought several copies to give to my friends. i love this as we are all moms and should be for each other instead of against!
OMGOOOODNESSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES. THANK YOU FOR SHARING-“That means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original.” LOVE LOVE LOVE this verse. Would be awesome to win this!
I always need this reminder! It is so easy to feel like others have it together when we see what they post on Facebook! I always have to remind myself that they’re not posting their dirty dishes or laundry!!!
Oh my goodness this hits me right at home! Just today I was praying about this very thing. I find myself comparing myself to other moms and I’m learning to be content with the season of life I’m in!
Shared stories like that are such a blessing. We’ve all done things that aren’t getting us nominated for a parenting award, but how lucky are we to be among the moms who understand (or at least try!) that sometimes things are just going to fall apart and it’s OKAY.
I stumbled across your site today as I am looking for a read to help my with my christian parenting. I have 2 infants 7 1/2 months and 5 months (adopting 1 if you are curious). I have been struggling with the fact that many moms get to go do so many things but I am stuck since it is so hard to transport 2 infants and also only having 1 vehicle that is shared with my husband. I loved your comment about not comparing our insides to others outsides. You are right it won’t get me or any one else anywhere. I would love you be able to read your book.
Thank you for this word of encouragement. We all do compare ourselves to others. We are human– what a good idea, to stop comparing my inside to others outside.
I have forgotten a child or gulp two more then…double gulp once! Only twice but still. My daughter was in kindergarten and I was at home with a toddler and a baby, it was a nice day and we decided to go for a walk to get out of the house…as we were half way around the block and my toddler asks me where sissy was…totally forgot we had to pick her up, ran home and made it only 15 min late, she was playing and never even noticed…she now doesn’t let me forget it!
I have attended the last two Hearts at Home conferences and am not going to be able to go this year due to finances, this opportunity to win registration would give me that opportunity to share in God’s love of Motherhood once again! And bring my best friend who has never been able to attend!!!
AMEN!!! I am married, but my husband works 2nd shift and is not at home to help with our 4 kids, house, errands, and taxi-driving during the weeks when things are busiest. I am also a full-time social worker in child welfare and a college professor. I often feel extremely guilty because I now work (after staying at home for 10 years until they were all in school all – day) and because I can’t possibly be at everything at the same time. I need to remember that I’m not in this alone and that I am not called to be perfect. ever.
I so struggle with what a “good mom” looks like or acts like. I compare myself frequently and come up short. I am trying not to fall into the comparison trap or wish I was like someone else.
It is so refreshing to have someone sharing real stories! It is the basics of forming relationships – you share, you find things in common, you bond. It allows us mothers to bond on a much deeper and more meaningful level when we share TRUE stories about our daily struggles.
Right-on! Your topic and illustrations are poignant, reaching into hearts of all women. Thank you for spreading encouragement
I simply love the statement’there are no perfect moms; just imperfect women who will fall off the pedestal of their own expectations more often than they care to admit’ Such truth in those words! Thanks for this.
I always tell my students not to compare themselves with others, but only with themselves a year ago. They always find a positive about today (or I help point one out) compared to their past! I am constantly reminding myself this same thing!
I’ve learned, the hard way, I can only do “one thing at a time.” Huge lesson.
As I sit here in a not-so-perfectly-clean kitchen listening to my kids play together, I can’t help but smile and thank God for this reminder! It is so encouraging to know we are not alone in being moms, and comparing my inside to someone else’s outside is nothing but a waste of time.
No more Mommy wars! What a great idea! I locked my baby daughter in the car with it running… TWICE! Why? Because I made fun of my sister-in-law for doing it once before my kid was born!! Ahhh, justice!
thanks Lysa for calling a truce for all of us.
Lina
YES! Thank you! I needed this…. especially this time of year!
A friend of mine posted a share on Facebook with this link and I have to say…….. THANK YOU GOD for reminding me of everything that Lysa and Jill talk about in this devotion! I love how He works when we need it hear it! 🙂
I love this post. An old friend always says “compare to despair”, it’s so true when we compare, we find ourselves feeling worse and worse. I’m way better than I used to be but still need to work on it more.
So funny I am reading this today, I was late (today) picking up my middle schooler by about 20 minutes and my heart was aching with sadness as well as the devil giving me a quiet dialogue of shame on yous. I quickly shut him down saying to him that I am a great mom and he is just messing with me so leave me alone. I felt a lot better and my little man was just fine.
H.A.H. 2013 was SO powerful for me – a huge encouragement! I enjoyed every minute of the conference and am VERY much looking forward to 2014!!
Love this! Definitely needed this today!
Yep…so I parked my baby’s pram outside the school office, and dropped my two eldest kids off to their class teachers after a particularly hectic morning. Lots of hugs, kisses, “Mummy-loves-you”s and “God-bless-you”s and off down the street to my car I went. I comforted another tearful mummy and unlocked my car as my friend calmly asked me, “Where’s the baby?”
Utter panic…he was still in his pram, sleeping peacefully, outside the school office.
He’s now seven years old, skinny, lively, eating constantly and full of cuteness. I, however, have quite a few more wrinkles…
I needed to hear this today! Thank you!
Agreed! Barely a day goes by where I think I am not messing up my kids (4 little boys and now a one month old girl)! If I could remember every single word of “Unglued” and my Bible, maybe I’d feel better off! Looking forward to reading “No More Perfect Moms!”
I am a new mum to my 15 month old boy. I feel helpless at times. He likes to be carried all theu time and it stresses me. I am trying to cultivate a few habits but seem to fail at everything. He just doesn’t seem to be interested in anything. Not sure what else to do. When I look at everyones kids, they are all interested in something. It saddens me. Wanting to be the perfect Mother has definitely gone out of the window for me. Thank you for sharing.
Great blog…I love that you’re so REAL!
Thanks! So needed to hear this today.
Let’s stop the Mommy wars. It made me think about a friend’s post on Facebook this week. She laid out and photographed her child’s college acceptance letters. Ok, your kid is great and smart and going to one of 7 really top notch schools. Mine barely got accepted to one college, got dismissed for bad grades, got back in and took 7 years to complete a Bachelor’s degree. Now with tons of college debt he’s working minimum wage in retail. I love my son with all my heart, he is the kindest, most helpful and thoughtful person I know. I wouldn’t trade his experiences for the world. He had to learn a lot of things on his own such as school loans, housing, rent, utilities and fixing things in his apartment on his own. His credit score is great and he has learned some of his life skills the hard way. We’ve laughed, we’ve cried.. Parenting isn’t one size fits all, but I know that genuine love for your child will always prevail.
Yep that’s me! I need to knock it off too! Thank you for the insight!
I had this feeling today, “I’m failing as a mom.” But reading this has helped me…thanks
Great reminder & lesson to keep in mind regularly! Thanks for sharing & encouraging!
Wow!! I need to put that one a poster in every room so it’s always there for me to remind me not to compare myself!! Thank you!
well timed, as I screamed at my children today age 2, 4 both boys, daddy is away in CO and we just moved to MO this past few months. I’ve never felt more stretched and alone than these past 2 months. It’s hard to be a mom that does it all right. I failed to mention that I screamed at them as we are trying to get out the door in time to Community Bible Study. Nice! Hows that for an example. I invest a lot of time into my children, but I fear every snap of anger from feeling exasperated will be what they will remember. I feel others would never act the way I do sometimes. Can’t wait to see what you have to say on this subject
I need this! I sometimes say “I’m here to get my worst mom of the year award” when I do things like forget their lunch or run late picking them up. This would be a valuable lesson for my life and that I could share with my friends who struggle as I do!
Thank You, Sue
What an encouraging and thought provoking post!
Thank you for this…..I really needed to read it. “Don’t compare your insides to someone else’s outside”….how true and very profound. Thanks again for sharing this.
Loved this post! Most of my stress comes from wondering if I’m messing up my kids by homeschooling them or making any of the other decisions I make for them. I wonder if they grow up and have kids if they will talk positively of yhe way I raised them. I spend so much time fretting over the times I lose my temper and yell or make the wrong decision. It helps to know I’m not alone, or perfect. And I don’t have to be! :0)
always, Always, ALWAYS good to hear as a mom!!! My friend and I were joking last night that we are definitely not winning the “Mother of the Year” award, and are probably not in the running! But we will happily cheer on the others who are nominated ;). At any rate, thanks for being honest with one of your failures. I have learned to be open with mine as well. I hope to blow open that “perfect mom” lie that we have all believed or fell under at some point in our Mom or Non-mom lives.
Another great post! I also follow Jill’s blog as well. Love how you both keep it real and help us realize we all go through the same struggles as moms. We need to support and encourage each other. Keep it up Lysa and Jill! And praying for Jill as she continues to process her recent breast cancer diagnosis.
I needed this, last year I was not home one afternoon to get my son off the bus because I completely lost track of time while I was at the MALL! Mom of the year, right? I chastised myself for several weeks and vowed it never to happen again, but it, did when I had car trouble, but was able to call my wonderful neighbor who helped.
Oh to think that there could be a day when I wasn’t comparing myself (and never measuring up) to another mom!!! Sounds too good to be true!!! Thanks for your post!
Oh I needed to hear these words!
I am so exhausted & trying to be a good wife, mom, & full-time working mom.
I just feel weary & so inadequate.
I needed this today thank you.
I have been hearing from several different places that perfection is a problem (for me). Really? I never thought that! But now I’m seeing it…it’s true! Manifesting itself in ways I didn’t expect,,,but true. And I see it in my kiddos too. So I am trying….trying…trying to tackle the perfection infection!!!
How I loved those words! They ring true — no one can be perfect except God. We all want to do what is right for our kids and sometimes letting them see that we are not perfect is just what they need!
I am a mom to 4 adult children. I know it’s never too late to learn new things–especially since I am a grandma to 4 beautiful girls.
My daughter in law is the mommy of these girls. I would love to be able to attend this conference with her so she can see that there are moms out there that are trying to live this life with grace and truth. She needs to see that other moms struggle with some of the same things she struggles with, so do I still.
There are so many times even now that I feel I messed up.
I think for me the most freeing thing about admitting I’m not perfect is realizing that I’m not supposed to be. My kids aren’t, my husband isn’t, my friends aren’t, my “competition” (ahem) isn’t. No one is. And my job, many times, as a mom is to point my kids to the ONE who is always perfect, in every situation. For them to see me repent, ask for His help, and get up again. To model not only imperfection, but restoration through grace, forgiveness, love. Because THAT is what they need most of all. To see what I do when I fall, Who picks me up & helps me try again. We are all so blessed to have our whole lives to practice these lessons. Thank you Lord!
I love all the ways this story has helped and inspired us all as moms, I loved reading the comments from everyone. It is so easy to fall into this trap and then feel shame and frustration with ourselves…I battle daily to renew my mind and remind myself there is no condemnation in Christ…that He loves me right where I am and that He rejoices over me even when I feel like a complete mom failure, when I’ve yelled, accused and have treated my gems the exact opposite way God treats me…I pray daily for His gentleness, kindness and love to flow through me to them…little by little He whittles away at my selfish ambitions as a mom and replaces me with more of Him (thank You Jesus!). I’m totally on board with not getting more of a perfection infection and letting myself actually ENJOY being an imperfect, lovable momma :).
This is such a wonderful post, I always feel like I am messing up my kids. I hope they can feel how much I love them even though I constantly make mistakes. Would absolutely love to read your book!
Just what I needed to read today!!
What great advice! I love the analogy of comparing my insides to another outsides!!
thank you for this reminder that can be used in many areas of life – motherhood, with our co-workers, families we see at church, in the store, or in a restaurant. After I lost my husband to cancer at age 41, I was a widow with 3 young children. There were many times I had on my “happy face” and everyone would tell me how “good” I was doing. Little did they know the years, sadness and loneliness I was feeling!! Blessings to all for a good day!!
This devotion was just what I needed today! Thank you!
Thank you for this! Something we can apply to our evaluations of how our husbands are doing as fathers too! I know I can be hard on myself and him– a side effect from the perfection infection. God can heal us from this too 🙂
I love Jill’s sorry too, because I can relate! Thank you Goethe pray; I desperately needed to read that truth. At this season of my life, I’m the only bread winner, so I try to work overtime every week. So the time I am at home is so often filled with chores and a grumpy mom who feels irritated that everything seems crazy. I often get angry at my kiss for not proactively (ha!) helping with things, and lose the joy of just spending time with them. I hear other moms say that their home its decorated for Christmas, and i feel like a slug. Their presents are all bought, and suddenly I’m a failure. But no more! Today I’m going to knock it off!
What a great reminder. God has chosen each of us specifically for our own children, not so that we can compare ourselves to others.
My son missing the bus on the first day of school was my last ‘big’ OOPS! He loves riding the bus and was so upset when it went by as we had lost track of time… thanks Lysa and Jill for reminding me it’s all about intention, not perfection. We do our best 🙂
Jill & Lysa,
I so agree that we need to let the super-mom facade crash to the ground! I found myself laughing at your example. My oldest daughter has memories of running after me in the parking lot because I was leaving without her. The next time she put sticky notes on my minivan with her own xoxoxo so that I wouldn’t forget her! Being a mom gives us an opportunity to walk in daily humility before God and compassion with others.
I signed the “KNOCK IT OFF” commitment and encourage other mom’s to sign it too!
Yes! Yes! Yes! I gave up on the idea of being a super mom a long time ago & yet I still often feel like I could do better – at parenting, at work, in eating healthy/being fit, at housework, in my marriage. Thank you for these encouraging words. I will remember the idea of comparing my inner struggles to what I see on another mom’s outside is wrong!
I LOVE how honest and authentic she is! I have made so many mistakes as a mom and am realizing how often I compare myself with other moms. I need to stop comparing my insides to other mom’s outsides! Thank you God for this ministry! It has made a huge difference in my life!
Thank you!
Thank you for sharing this! I so needed it today! After waking late this morning, packing lunches and discovering homework that was supposed to be done for today, searching for clothes, the screaming, the unglued moments, the guilt and tears down my face as I let my child out of the car for school and thinking what an “awesome” mom I was for starting her day out this way….I had nothing left but to ask God for a big dose of Grace for today. I could only whisper, “I need you Jesus!” Thank you for your encouraging words today!
I have a mom’s group on Facebook that is currently doing No More Perfect Moms too. It is a wonderful book! I had the pleasure of meeting Jill last month at the Hearts at Home Conference. I am making it my personal mission to help moms heal from the perfection infection also. There are many of us that have been operating our life from an adult child perspective. Based on our past hurts, failures and insecurities. This needs to stop! By not wanting to mess up our kids, I think we are in danger of raising another generation of God’s children that do not know their true identity. I am feeling burdened with a mission from God to help other women know and pass down their true identity. But first, it seems to me, they need to love that little girl they once were. Because she is still very much a part of who we are and how we operate today. Thank you, Lysa, for spreading the word about Jill’s book! She is one amazing lady, and I am inspired by her to not be scared to be authentic no matter what! God Bless you!
I needed this today. I am a mother of four and there are times I feel the same way.Thank you for your words of encouragement!!
Really? You are serious? No Perfect MOMS???? You mean I have been beating myself up all these years, and they’re really no more perfect moms! LOL
My oldest daughter who is a college freshman has been telling me since she was a sophmore in high school what an “imperfect” mom I am. The words sank deep and hard into my heart. I often told myself, “Do not let her get the best of you, God is telling you to not let her do this, or no you can’t do that, or no that friend is not someone you should hang with” but more often her words were the ones that got me the most, “mom good grief you are ridiculous, such and such mom let’s her, you are just weird such and such parents say it’s ok”. Her words did get to me, but 98% of the time I stood firm and continued my ridiculous, weirdo parenting and stood firm on trying to raise my girls according to our Lord’s example and not the worlds.
Thank you for the beautiful way of putting…Stop comparing our insides to other mom’s outsides. It is hilarious, I told my students today… Boys/Girls one day when you are old enough to really consider going out with someone; DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT look on their outside you better search their insides out first because it last longer than the outside.
This life story from Jill is so encouraging. I am always in fear I will forget about somebody somewhere! It is the reality that we moms live in, busy schedules and imperfections everywhere. My 5 kiddos run me ragged, but I know one day I will be able to look back on it all and perhaps be able to help young moms or my own adult children when it comes to embracing the imperfections!
I would love to win the tickets to the conference. The book is fantastic, and Jill Savage is such a blessing. (So is Lysa!)
Guilty as charged!!! It’s hard not to compare when you feel so inadequate sometimes, especially with all the Facebook and Pinterest Posts from Pseudo-Super Moms. Glad I serve a big God whose blood covers all my imperfections.
Just a good {and timely} biblical reminder about comparison, and how we need to knock it off! Love it! Tucking that one in the hat for the holiday festivities where perfect moms lurk {or so the devil wants me to think}
Thanks for sharing and encouraging!
This is such a great reminder – thank you for your honest words.
This is a salve to my soul…as I watch Moms cause each other such distress in life! Would love to use some of your material at my Mothers Fellowship group! Thanks for writing this…
Thank you so much for this reminder! Where do I sign up?
I’ve always played the comparison game, even now my kids are grown and on their own. What if I had done this or that differently? would it have made a difference?
I forgot to pick my daughter up once; I had the flu and fell asleep! I heard that same voice whimpering on the other end of the phone; the principal looked at me like I was the world’s worst mom!
I can’t even count the number of times I have mentally beat myself up for not being the mom I think I should be. I struggle with thought that the homeschool moms are better moms, knowing that even if I weren’t a single parent that homeschool is NOT compatible with my personality. Instead of being thankful for having the courage to leave my abusive ex-husband I feel guilty that my daughter has him for a father and has to experience having divorced parents.
Two days ago my daughter was spending the night at her dad’s and I promised I would call her. I went out to dinner with a friend and remembered that I hadn’t called about an hour after bedtime. I went on a nice guilt trip even while knowing that it was just as likely that she got busy playing and totally forgot about mom.
I have come to the conclusion that the only people who don’t have a hard life are the people you don’t know very well ~ ie. we ALL have struggles. That married, stay-at-home, homeschool mom just has a different set of struggles then me, the single, work-a-job, kid goes to public school mom.
amen , so true , we all struggle deep inside, why do we insist on hiding it , i will never know but it is ONe of my biggest weaknesses and challenges. Kudos to you for noticing and putting an end to it.
I am always playing this comparison game. Thanks for the reminder to knock it off!
Thank you for the reminder that even moms aren’t perfect. Just this week I was late in picking up my son from his religious ed class. He had cried when I wasn’t there on time & was sitting in the office waiting for me. I felt awful! Thank you for the reminder that we sometimes make mistakes and just have to learn from them & keep on going!
No More Perfect Moms is a great read. And the Hearts at Home conference is one of the highlights of my year.
I find this comparison rampant around me. Only when we truly get to know one another do we start to realize we are in this motherhood together.
This is so me! Even when I have a full day of cleaning, laundry, dinner, spending time with my 4 kids, I always think about what I’m “not” doing. I don’t read to the kids enough, I don’t play with them enough, I need to do something “crafty” with them, I need to volunteer at school more, etc. Then it carries over to other areas, my house isn’t spotless, the dogs need grooming, my closet is a mess…It goes on and on! I can never do “enough” to be the perfect mom. We concentrate on what we’re not doing instead of what we do every day!
Thanks for the great reminders here. I am grateful to have some dear friends who are also godly REAL friends. In other words, they openly don’t have it all together. When I am tempted to play the comparison game, I can remember all moms are sinners in need of grace.
Good reminders, especially in my current season of mothering.
Thank you for this! I am guilty of comparing myself to other moms, when I should just be enjoying the smiles and laughter that my children share with me everyday. Their smiles and happy faces, let me know that I’m blessed to just be…their mom!! =)
I feel constantly guilty for what I am doing wrong or what I am not doing for my kids. Being new in town, I think, has been even harder b/c I don’t have my supportive friends that I used to have walking through life together! I really liked the Galatians verse that we have far better things to do than sit around and compare ourselves. Thank you for the great post.
Hope I’m not to late.
I’m iced in and catching up on my blog reading.
Need to read this book.
I have a mommy friend who has been reading your book and has been raving about it. The comparison game stinks…yet I’m so good at it… 😛
When I read this I read it with the mindset “what can I do to better,improve,work on myself!” I love your “No more unglued mama mornings” devotions on YouVersion. I share them on Facebook and Twitter and I get responses saying “I needed this one today!!! That’s how I feel when I read yours!!! Thx for inspiring-God Bless I’m subscribing to your blog now ;0)
LOVE LOVE LOVE!!! I wish I could get get a whole cheer squad to cheer you on!!! Amen!!! Thank you Jesus for sending such an Awesome word to this mom!! I am def guilty, & my confidence suffers because of it. Oh how great I can be once I let the Lord clean me!!! Praise his Holy name!! Im shouting over here! ! Lol
My husband tells me all the time to knock this off, I can’t wait to read this book!!! I am so thankful I clicked on this blog devotion today, thank you thank you thankyou
This morning on the way to work/school with my boys (ages 14 and 7) we were listening to KSBJ. Lysa’s devotion came on and was talking about burnt rice on the stove, shoes on the floor, etc, and being a mom of 5 smiling in the midst of it all. When it ended I said, “Oh, I like that. It makes me feel so much better because our house is a chaos mess.” Gavin (the 7 year old) says, “Well it’s not as messy as hers!” This made my heart smile. In the “chaos” of not being the perfect mom I so want to be and being a worn out middle school teacher, I can stop and smile and look at what is important. Thank you for always sharing real life stories. Stories that shatter the “perfect little world” that I believe everyone else but me lives in. 🙂
This is a question for anyone who can answer it about the Unglued Bible Study! I have a Bible study group that wants to study it, but we don’t have time to watch the DVDs. Can we still do the book and workbook, or will the workbook not make sense? Thanks!
I’m a single woman, no child of my own but ‘half-guardian’ to 4teenage girls! I have married friends with one or more kids, it’s painful what I hear being discussed each day! And the worst is th emotional condemnation we suffer after the failures! God bless you for this story
Hi- I know this doesn’t relate to the blog post, but it was the only way I could figure out how to share. My best friend has been struggling with eating and her body for a little over a year now. I read Made to Crave right when she told me because it was hard for me to relate and I wanted more perspective on it. Today she released a video raising awareness and I thought I would share it with you, someone who has also raised awareness and inspired others.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JxHbyHD_KNc
Merry Christmas,
Megan
This applies to Non Moms as well. Very good article. I’m always trying to measure up……now I realize I don’t see others insides!!!! Thank you
Your most recent devotional post “The Place Where Disappointment Lives” and this link above have hit home. I am a mom who has expected her children (who were raised in a christian home by loving but imperfect parents, supportive family and in a wonderful neighborhood) to grow into God-fearing Christian adults. Not so. Instead we have endured 7years of really difficult times. We have had to ask a child to move in with his extended family for a period of time because we could not manage him at home. We have watched two of them categorically reject all aspects of Christianity and faith. I have shed more tears than I though possible and begged God to change their hearts all to no avail. I have blamed myself and my shortcomings, my husband and his temper and God for their choices and am struggling to find peace with God in and through all of this. It has been really painful. Thank you for your devotional – it spoke to my heart.
thank you for the reminder not to compare my insides to someone else’s outsides. we have no business comparing ourselves at all but it comes so naturally sometimes.
This goes for marriages as well! We see the ‘perfect’ wife or marriage…..or what seems to be, and wonder what we are doing wrong in our marriage! In this situation we are again comparing our ‘insides with their outsides’!!!! When, in fact, we have NO IDEA what is really going on in someone else’s home! We must stop!
Sharing with some younger moms who need encouragement in knowing they don’t have to be perfect, but loving! Thanks for your shared experience and ministry
This article came at just the right time. Even though my oldest son is graduated from college and my youngest is a freshman in high school, I still have my doubts about whether or not I’m a good mom. I compare myself to women who have had the privilege of staying home with their children because I have always had to work. I wonder if they missed anything essential since others had a big part in raising them. I wonder if they ever felt abandoned by me. This article was a great reminder that my circumstances are unique and the way I’ve raised my children was unique. The bottom line is that my children are well-rounded, godly young men. My oldest has a great job and is more put together than I was at his age and his younger brother is doing well in school and volunteers in our children’s department at church. My boys are amazing and prove their mother doesn’t have to be perfect in order to turn out well.
Hey Lysa! Is there a way I can contact you privately? Can you email me so I have your email address? I have an opportunity that I’d like to talk to you about! 🙂
So encouraging. Thank you..
This cut into my soul. I am on this track of perfection and didn’t even know it. Before I became a mom not only did I know all they hi vs wrong with current moms but everyone around me always told me what a great mom I would be. So when my kids aren’t perfect it embarrases me because I feel like I failed this idea of who I was obviously supposed to. But what I am slowly finding is all the things I thought I already knew about motherhood and how to be a mom are all the areas of my struggle. I think it is God’s gentle way of reminding me that they are His and my job FIRST is to love em!
What a great reminder to embrace who the Lord made each of us to be…as different and unique as each snowflake. Thank you for the reminder!!!!
So needed this during this busy time of year ! Working extra hours and trying to get all the shopping and parties in order is very hectic and to not be in the Christmas spirit I feel I’m letting my kids down so yes I am a “Imperfect” mom as well. Thanks for the reminder that it’s okay to be “Imperfect”.
Thanks to Jill for sharing in such an open and honest way. I really appreciate moms like you two who are willing to share your lives with us so we can see the beauty of seeking after God despite our short comings.
my son is now 14, hates me, and says that destroy inside. He’s become to have thoughts of violence. I thought my one calling was to be a good mom, and I thought I had been doing that. But my son is so miserable, I don’t know sending him to his dad ….who is not a good man might be a better choice than the misery he feels here, with me n my mom, i don’t know if it’s meant to be, but God knows and if this is something that will help then I’m just sure I will end up with this 1 way or another. God is good. Thank u for the article, I look forward to reading the others. I just unselfishly want what is right for my son, and I can’t see what to do and that is due to some situations in our lives.
No more perfection infection…LOVE IT!!!
http://thebigsthelittles.blogspot.com/2013/12/for-sweet-love-just-sign-it.html
Please pray for this family as they go through the adoption process.
Blessings!
Thanks for this post. My mom-guilt stems from the fact that my mom was able to stay at home with us when we were little. So my idea of what a “good” mom looks like is set a certain way. My little family is just not set up that way. My husband and I both need to work and my boys are at grandparents houses after school. I’m so thankful they can be with family, but I struggle as to why God has not allowed me to stay home and be the picture of what I feel a mom should be. I have prayed and prayed and prayed, opportunities have even come our way, but His answer so far has been no. I struggle with this daily. Today I really feel that I don’t want to pray my hearts desires anymore since I feel disappointed at the latest “no” and am watching the opportunity move on pass. Its hard. I’m thankful my boys are healthy and my husband and I are crazy about each other. That should be enough. I’m praying God change my picture of what a “good mom” needs to look like in my mind. Please pray for me. Very discouraged today. Trying to hold out hope of God showing me a different plan or purpose for my life, but weary of praying for things even when the answer is no.
Like Lysa says, I’m trying to just lean into Jesus and do the best I can with the circumstances and resources He has provided.
God bless u lysa for the words of wisdom every mom needs at some point of time. I stumbled on your site and what a joy it was in disguise. I live in india where moms are suppossed to take care of their children all the time even though they are working. Its an eye opener for me to note there are no perfect moms. Looking forward for more comfort and encouragement.