Early in my motherhood adventure I realized I could solve my kid’s problems for them. Not every problem. But for the most part when they had an issue I could step in and be the solution.
Or….
I could mentor and equip my kids to solve their issues; which is much more time consuming, brain draining, and sometimes quite frustrating.
But for me, the most important lesson I want to teach my kids is how to think.
It’s that whole “give a man a fish” thing-
Give him a fish and he’ll eat for a day… or teach him to fish and he’ll eat for a lifetime.
I don’t want to train my kids to only turn to me for solutions. I want to help them think in Biblically and emotionally healthy ways, so they can learn the fine art of becoming a solution finder. I want to help them learn to process life choices in grounded, mature ways.
If I only tell my kids what they can and can’t do, I’m establishing rules for them to follow. This is a part of parenting for sure- but it can’t be the whole part.
If I teach them how to think, I’m establishing healthy processing patterns that will serve them when they’re no longer under my immediate watch.
For example, I don’t want my kids to text and drive. I’ve taught them this rule. But to help them learn to process the dangers of driving while distracted, I decided to have a family discussion.
Last week, I asked each of the kids to come to a scheduled family dinner equipped to present a brief report on the dangers of texting and driving. And just as a little incentive, each person that brought their report would get their name put in a hat for a cash prize drawing.
(I’m all about incentives. And it doesn’t take much to motivate cash-poor teens.)
As the kids presented their reports, I saw the light bulbs coming on in their thinking processes. They weren’t just learning a rule; they were discovering how to think about this dangerous habit. They were passionate about it. And the best part? They all owned the solution of committing to not text and drive.
They owned it. Not because I preached a rule at them. But rather, because I helped them learn how to think through this danger for themselves.
The Bible instructs us to teach our kids the truths of God by talking and processing with them all throughout the day. Obviously, texting and driving isn’t a Biblical truth but how powerful it is to apply a Biblical mindset to every issue we face.
So be it a Scriptural truth, or processing life stuff in general, I think the secret is tucked within the beautiful words of Deuteronomy 11:18-21 (NIV):
“Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your children may be many…”
And speaking of my kids, I’m excited to announce the release of my newest book, What Happens When Young Women Say Yes to God, co-written with my daughter, Hope. Today, I’m giving away 3 copies! To be entered to win, leave a comment below telling me who you would give this book to and why.
good morning and blessings! I have never done this before, so bear with me please. I am just beginning my own journey of faith, and would like to share this with my daughters. Sometimes, I am learning that it is not what I say to them that makes an impact, but what I share with them, what I tell them about what I have struggled with, that seems to make a difference. My children are bombarded each and every day in this wonderful world of ours with challenges, joys, decisions, and chances…I can only hope to be a faith filled role model…this is my goal, and I thank you for letting me learn from your experiences. Thank you, Marie
I would give the book to a girl name Michele. She is in the youth group I help with at church. God got ahold of her heart a few years back. It all started with an invitation to an overnight New Years Eve party at our church. She comes from a completely un-churched family. But she is doing great things for God. I can’t wait to see where God takes her!!
I would give this book to my daughter Kaylee who is 14 turning 15 in April! She is such a blessing to so many already and is very passionate about her grades, athletics, and her family. However, she is surrounded by the daily pressures that so many young girls face and As much as I try to influence her to walk in the Spirit….I know she struggles with a father who’s in prison and the uncertainties that life presents. I would love for her to receive a copy of your book so that she could gain knowledge and wisdom about the blessings that are in God and truly how much He loves her!! Thank you for your daily words or encouragement!
Can’t wait to do this study with my sophmore small group of girls!
Lysa, I would give this book to my 15 year old niece. She has not gorwn up in the best environment and she is so earger to find love. My sister is a wonderful mother, but she is in a marriage that has been touch and go to say the least for most of it’s 20 years. My niece has had to live with watching her mother be demeaned and put down for years until there is nothing left of her self esteem. She has the impression that love has to hurt and that being treated that way is acceptable. I have tried talking to her and taking her to church with me, as have my parents, but now that she has her first boyfriend, I am concerned that she will give herself over to thinking that she has found the love that she desires in this boy, rather than finding the ultimate love in Christ. Even if I do not get the book, please pray for this young teenage girl that she will realize what true love is.
I would give this book to my daughter as her “happy” gift. We are working on a wonderful walk with God, mine from my small country church, and hers as she has moved and is attending a full gospel church. We are working on bridging a gap that exists in the differences of each church. Oh how I love this girl, and proud to say, “she is a great christian”
I would give the book to my oldest Daughter who is really starting to discover things on her own.
I would love to give this to my neice for her 16th birthday in a few weeks. She was adopted by my sister at 6 and came from such a rough place. She is a sweet girl and she Is involved in church, but she still has such insecurities and troubles. She loves to read so i think she would make that effort!
Thank you Lysa for all you and the Proverbs31 ministy do!
I would give this book to every young girl in the world. As men have not taken there rightful place as the Bible instructs, young girls and women need direction on how to deal with life ,marriage and parenhood.
Would love this book! I have two daughters, that have a strong hunger for learning God’s word. Would love to read it, together, with them!
Lisa –
If time permits . . . would like to set up a coffee in Charlotte/Blakeney and introduce you to Life Letter. Our team has deep admiration for Prov 31 and would like to offer to promote your ministry in our Ministry Partner area and on our Points of Light page. Additionally, we would be glad to feature a couple of “guest blogs” from you each month and provide clear links for our readers to get your site.
We are engaged with Samaritan’s Feet, Joe Gibbs Game Plan for Life, CBMC among others on a similar level.
For a closer look:
http://www.lifelettercafe.com/lifenotes/
http://www.lifelettercafe.com/lifenotes/?page_id=249
Committed to 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17 and grateful for your service to the Lord!
David Miller (Blakeney Campus, Elevation Church)
360-356-2062
My comment is not about your new book, although it sounds great. My adult daughter and I are reading Unglued. We want to know if an Unglued experience counts against you if your only witness is the dog? The question came up in our study and we thought you would get a laugh out of it. Thanks for all you do!!!
I would give this book to my grand daughter who is 22 and trying to find her way in the world. She graduated Magna Cum Laude last May, is working and trying to start a career but holds on to a relationship with a boy from school who has mental issues. She attended church with me from age 2 but no longer goes to church. I don’t have the right words to guide her so all I can do is pray. Her name is Payton. Please pray for her.
Thank you for your insiteful thoughts about texting and driving. I will share with my daughter and grandchildren.
I would love to give your book to my daughter Charli. She is a military wife whose husband is getting out of the military in just 2 weeks due to a horrifying experience in Afghanistan last year. She has a heart for Jesus but hasn’t yet learned how to fully trust Him with life’s ups and downs. She has many gifts and talents but fear keeps her from experiencing them to the fullest. Even if she is not chosen for your book would you please keep her in prayer? She is experiencing such anxiety in this transition of military life to civilian life. She is a stay at home mom of 3 precious babies and her husband Ryan does not have a job lined up as of yet. Nothing too big for our Lord, but she hasn’t been able to accept the peace that can only come from Him. Thanks for taking the time to read my story!
I would give this to my daughter Bailey, after I read it first tho.
Lysa, I just have to say thank you for writing “Unglued”. Between this study and a weekend conference with my youth group kids God really has chiseled a lot. It also helped me to decide to seek help for anxiety issues that I didn’t realize I had until a week ago. Now just asking for some prayers that the anti anxiety med I am on will only be for this 15 day round. God has blessed you with an amazing way of reaching people.
I would give this to my 17 yr old daughter who is junior in high school. Soon she will be off on her own to college and my prayer for her is to allow God to use her for His good.
I would give this book to my 14 year old daughter. We didn’t accept Christ in our hearts until she was 9 years old so thiis has been something she’s been struggliing with, and with the peer pressure of others at school it makes it even more difficult for her. She has actually accepted Christ as her savior but it’s is like she is in denial that she needs God. No matter how many times my husband and I tell her she needs to put her life in his hands and trust in him, it’s like she doesn’t listen. She loves to read and if she could read this book I think it would be great for her to see the affects of what acceping Chris in your heart can do.
A friend and I have recently started a “Girls Only” group at our church for teenage girls, in addition to their regular youth group. At our second meeting last week, the floodgates of candid honesty came barreling open, and we experienced a small group like I’ve never partaken of in my lifetime of ministry! In their short lives, many of these girls have already lived unspeakable heartbreak, no woman should ever have to endure, but they have given their life to Christ, and have the chance to change the course the enemy set for them. But we need help in this ministry!! I had heard about your new book, and was just searching for it this morning, when I read your blog post and this give away! Please consider us for this book. Thank you!
Hello! What a blessing this is! The person who comes to my mind to give this book to would be for my cute 14 year old niece, Autumn! She is a sweet and intelligent young lady! She’s devoted to her family and is very Christ-centered. She’s very focused on school and I want her to stay focus on what is most important in life and that is to put God first in anything and everything that she does. I feel that this book will help her tremendously in guiding her there! Thank you for this opportunity!
Hi, Lysa – I know I’m a day late, and not in the running for a free copy, but I’m excited to look for this book for my 18-year-old daughter for two reasons. She is a missionary kid getting ready to go to the States for college – a professional writing major! I want her to see that she CAN do this – like you and your daughter. Also, she IS a young woman totally give to the LORD, and I just want to encourage her in her calling. I think she’ll need a lot of encouragement in the next few years, so I hope to make this book a part of the picture! Thanks for writing to encourage people like me!
Oh how perfect is God’s timing. My 20 year old daughter is off at college and is struggling to find her faith. Not the faith we have passed on to her but a faith that God is showing her. She is feeling isolated and alone but wants to be strong. As her mom I want to quote scripture, email mission stories and forward worship song videos to her. As a Titus 2 older women I know there are times I just have to pray and wait for God to speak to her. I would love to be able to share your new book with her.
I would give the book to my 17 year old daughter. What happens when women say yes to God is my very favorite, life changing book & I would love for her to read this new version.
Lysa, I’d give this book to my dear friend Jamie. She lost her way with The Lord a while back and came I to drugs which caused her to roll her car with her two babies in the back seat (ages 4 and 6) who wore seatbelts but weren’t in chip safety seats. Her 6 year old baby girl was killed instantly and her 4 year old son is now paralyzed. I believe this will help her find her new path in The Lord. I’d like to try to be her mentor and help guide her towards a brighter path. She needs to feel the lords presence again. God Bless!
My 22 year old daughter has had a tough time since she turned 18. She has dealt with a traumatic car accident, an unplanned pregnancy in which the father of the baby committed suicide during her pregnancy, and then giving up her daughter for adoption. I would love to give this book to my daughter to remind her of God’s love, and the wonderful things that happen when you turn to Him, and not let go.
How exciting!! So looking forward to being able to share the book with my daughter!!!
I would share this book with my daughter-in-law who works with the young women of our church!
Hi, I have been looking for a book like this for a while now. Praise God!! I have a 15 year old neice named Rebecca. She has a heart for Christ, however, entering high school and the wrong crowd she has slipped away. She is into boys now and has fell out of love with Christ. Rebecca loves to read and I believe this book will minister to her life and remind her of Gods loved. Also, my husband and I are youth leaders at our church and it would be great to have an extra copy to give some lessons to the young girls!
I would give it to my daughter(s), but maybe not until they can actually read.
Hello. What you’re doing is wonderful. More power to you. To your list on what to give your daughter, I’d add: 1) “Created To Be His Helpmeet” by Debi Pearl; 2) “The Garbage Generation” by Daniel Amneus; 3) “Home Economics” by Roger Devlin; 4) “Creating A Life” by Sylvia Anne Hewlett. Good luck to you.
what does it mean when you’re asking for : Website?
Is this my internet provider?