I sat at my desk truly feeling the desire to cry. And I’m not a crying person. But a problem I was trying to figure out led to another that led to a whole can of worms being opened. As the list of problems grew so did my anxiety.
I put my head on my desk and willed myself to keep breathing. Don’t get emotional. Stay logical. Pray hard. Gather smart people around you. Get advice. Pray hard again.
As I walked through my problem, I started really studying how other people going through problems were reacting to them. Some were reacting in ways I wanted to emulate. Others made me bug my eyes out and shake my head.
Watching others from the vantage point of my own struggle made me see several categories of problem reactors:
* The sky is falling reactors- These people panic. When a problem arises they feel an urgency that if things aren’t fixed immediately then they are doomed. They talk about the problem in extremes using words like, “never,” “always,” “huge,” and “urgent.” They want to pull others into their panic and seem to thrive off of the adrenaline of the moment.
* Eeyore reactors- These people shut down when problems arise. They want to avoid dealing with the issue at hand. They would rather navigate around a problem than solve it. Eeyore reactors hope someone else will figure it out or that the problem will just go away on its own. They let the anxiety of the problem pull them into a funk. Then they resign things will probably not get better anytime soon. Misery loves company so they invite others into their pity party.
* Thinking reactors- These people see a problem as an opportunity to think rather than an obstacle that will hold them back. They want to bring solutions to the table instead of just talking about the issues. They manage the stress of the problem by researching possible solutions. Thinking reactors thrive on inviting the wisdom of others who have experience in dealing with this type of problem.
I’m sure there are other categories of reactors as well. Maybe I’ll expand this list as I keep thinking about this. Maybe you want to help me think of others you see. Let’s chat about this in the comments below.
But as I look to have some new views in 2013, how I react to problems definitely makes the list.
I want to be a thinking reactor.
I’ve been amazed what a difference it makes to wisely choose our reactions to problems. I do have a choice. And what I choose not only affects me but those around me as well.
The sky is falling reactor magnifies a problem. The Eeyore reactor feels paralyzed by a problem. And the thinking reactor solves a problem.
Our choice.
While you have made some valid points I might add that some problems do not go away regardless of how you react. This past year has been very difficult as my husband has developed a muscle disease. It is something that we live with every moment of everyday. He is in a wheelchair and is able to do less and less. Life is a struggle for us.
I think we all have found our souls all over the place depending on what season we have found ourselves enduring. I use to be more of a reactor, then God got a hold of me. Yet, our personalities I have been studying,. play a huge part in how we react. I have had an internal struggle my whole life with my spirit and my flesh. I just didn’t really know in my younger years it was the gentle whispers to my heart because I doubted myself so much
After going through six years of such loss and grief and running to God trying to find Him, I feel He has given me many personal epiphanies to keep me following after Him.
I have had to allow my broken heart to be vulnerable yet accountable to the Holy Spirit and I have had to choose to obey Him or not. I haven’t always liked God’s plans but He is Boss.GOD. He is the “I AM” and He is the rewarder of them who diligently seek HIM.
So with that promise I will not quit by God’s grace but I must allow my body, my internal struggle, my adrenal glands, a chance to heal from such emotion and trama I have had to face. I am learning to let go of the anger that roars inside. I may now not respond as often inappropriately, but I must release the baggage so I won’t get frustrated, agitated and even sick from not letting go internally.
I put joy on, I must surrender to have a good day and I must release all my imperfections to God every morning if I am going to have a good day. I must do it whether I feel it or not. I must sing till my spirit takes over my soul. If I don’t quit, God shows up. When I do quit, God still shows up.
My stubbornness I like to call determination in my old age of 52. After losing a brother at 40 and one at 48 I must fight the good fight of faith and live with even more passion and stay kingdom focused. We are all given a certain number of days.
It is a fight, but I have a choice to see it as aggravating or seeing it as God working good in me. If I really believe God works for my good I must extremely abandon myself to Him and not try to figure it out. It is a head trip and it makes me crazy acting..in my flesh LOL.
As I sit here trying to think on a six letter word I could give, I realize that through all my brokenness and my pain I have endured by His grace, my view of God has changed.. He has carried me over my mountains and into His shadow. He has had to be my very breath as I would wake, gasping for air. During the day I was FINE, but coming out of a deep sleep I was agonizing over the loss of my brother.
I had to allow God to take over my soul. I had to clean my house less, and be on my face more. I had to cry out to HIM. and those tears became my prayers.. and all I can tell you, the waves of despair He has calmed within me. I am a work in progress, but am thankful to you for sharing your heart and how God uses your imperfections. I am a recovered perfectionist.. old things passed away.. I am a new creature in Christ.. a little bit more like HIM every day… praise God He hasn’t given up on me. I have had to repent for being so hard on myself. I felt like God was showing me I was almost making it more about me as I focused on imperfections. For He is perfect and I wasn’t focusing on Him but on me…I GOT IT..
seeker… THAT IS MY WORD.. His word says to seek HIM while HE may be found.. so that was my pursuit..and may I testify that this promise word of WHILE gave me a sense of urgency and helped me to not lose my focus. I wore myself out asking God so many questions.
Thankfully, He never pushed me away. Maybe a little bit of healthy fear, awesome awareness that He wasn’t always going to be around? Now I know it was partly my adrenal glands on overload but God used it to help me keep on and press into HIM. Not my many hats I wear, He wanted to be my NEW IDENTITY
He is the Rock that doesn’t ROLL per my daddy … and for that I am thankful. I may roll all over the place in my mind some days, but when I focus on the ROCK , my mind seems seered and peace comes. I am not tormented anymore. So I think I will just stay on that path of seeking HIM. It is truly the safest place to be.
Wowzers! Thinking Reactor? I love it! I’m going to do my best to make that a new part of my behavior too!
I hate being all explosive & stressed out (my “go to” emotional reaction).
Thanks Lysa
Thanks so much for this. What encourgement. I printed out, I’m going to leave ti on my desk so it is a reminder. You are always a great source of encourgement.
I think another reactor is the victim reactor. No matter what the issue is it becomes about how it is affecting the victim. The victim reactor draws others into their poor, pitiful me and it makes the victim feel that they are valadated for their feels. This does not solve anything.
Good one Denise! And sad, but true! It does not solve anything. It only keeps them in their ‘victim’ state of mind. We can ‘choose’ to become the ‘victor’ of our circumstance(s). Granted, it may not and probably won’t make the problem simply go away or be resolved.
But believing God and His Promises can help us go through ‘whatever it is’ by choosing His Way…It doesn’t mean He will make it disappear, but He will help us endure. Isn’t it funny how Everything about us and our lives revolves around one word….”choice?” Thank you Lysa for all that you do, you touch our everyday lives by bringing us encouragement that we are not alone.
I started working in the library, shelving books that were returned, when I was 15. I worked there for 2 years through high school. It has really helped me to be a thinking reactor. The library is a wealth of information (which now you can get most of that info online but back then all we had were books!)… I always turn to trying to find someone who has been there/done that! It definitely helps you to put things into perspective. What good does panic and pity parties do for anyone? Nothing! Get information to help you make your decision on how to handle the problem. Good luck and praying for you Lysa!
I would need to invent a category that thinks but mainly “gives it to God.” I just recently had a problem and when I finally took it to God I suddenly got this God idea that I knew was only from Him! I thought, I need to do this more often!
How about this one…blame others for your problems. If it wasn’t for_____, if only they had ______, because of their __________ and on and on it goes. Adam and Eve started this cycle first.
Ugh…. My husband just about died laughing when I read him the “sky is falling” reactor. So me! Dang. Well the first step to changing something is seeing it in black and white. Cheers to 2013 and ditching the sky is falling spirit, Lord help me!
Wow! This came right on time. Not 2 minutes after I read this, my nanny texted and said she will not be able to work the rest of the week. My normal reaction would be a nice combo of the sky is falling followed by an Eeyore moment. Instead, I thought rationally, prayed about the situation and for my nanny, and took care of it! Thanks!
Thanks Lysa. I’m a world is falling apart. Hope I can get ideas that help me settle and think through things as they come up. ~Dianne~
Lysa, you’ve given me a lot to ponder. While reading this I realized a couple of things. First, I not only could see what reactor I closely identify with, but also those around me (like my son) . I have said in the past when you know where a person is coming from, you can deal more effectively with them. The lines of communication is established. Secondly, at some point in my life I may have been each one of those reactors you mentioned. It’s only through my maturation in Christ and lots of work that I got through it. I pray I never stop growing in HIM.
I am between “the sky is falling reactor” and the “thinking reactor”. When I first encounter a problem, I tend to think that the sky is falling on my head and that there is not solution in sight. That feeling and those thoughts last for like 5-10 minutes. Then I say to myself. I can do anything through Christ Jesus, I pick myself up dust myself off and start trying to figure things out and come up with a solution.
I also pray through my problems. If it’s a problem that will take time to solve I just keep praying and asking God for the wisdom to come up with a solution or to put people in my path that can help me solve the issue.
Next week begins a fresh new bible study for 2013 at our church and it’s called “Unglued”!
Just checked out the leadership guide and I’m so looking forward to working through your book and what the word of God has to say about our emotions….and then APPLICATION TIME. Amazing what the Lord will do through us in 2013.
Thank you for your commitment into the lives of women!
I see another book topic budding!! With all the life lessons I have learned as a Marine wife and now wife of a combat Veteran I have grown into a thinking reactor… A “pray hard and let Him pull me through” reactor… Most of the time
Looking forward to hearing you bring the Word next month, Lysa. A group of wives of combat Vets dedicated to sharing the love of Jesus with other ladies in our challenging situation will be attending in CO Springs. God bless you lady!
I see another book topic budding!! With all the life lessons I have learned as a Marine wife and now wife of a combat Veteran I have grown into a thinking reactor… A “pray hard and let Him pull me through” reactor… Most of the time
Looking forward to hearing you bring the Word next month, Lysa. A group of wives of combat Vets dedicated to sharing the love of Jesus with other ladies in our situation will be attending in CO Springs. God bless you lady!
Here’s a link for a post on how to see problems from a new perspective. This viewpoint has wrecked my world and has filled me with such a Peace for the road ahead.
Every problem has a provision attached to it!
http://grahamcooke.com/blog/every-problem-has-provision-attached-it
I just don’t know…I’m at a loss. Sure the roads were bad this week out here and my fiancé is a truck driver but my things are still mostly in another state right now and…I don’t know how we’ll make it back to get my belongings. I lose my old place on the 15th, he’s missed work due to roads but t
I just don’t know…I’m at a loss. Sure the roads were bad this week out here and my fiancé is a truck driver but my things are still mostly in another state right now and…I don’t know how we’ll make it back to get my belongings. I lose my old place on the 15th, he’s missed work due to roads but today he’s missed due to feeling queasy…I tried to get him going but no. I go in to work even when I feel a little queasy. I now fear I’m inadequate, he’s inadequate and I’ll lose my belongings….I just don’t understand. I got a sense of relief when reading your blog today. I’m trying to just run to God and trust all will go alright but…can someone here pray for our situation? I would really appreciate this.
Hi Lysa,
“Gather smart people around you” – I laughed when I read this. It’s true, and we all need it, but it made me grin. Thanks for that today.
Jennifer Dougan
http://www.jenniferdougan.com
I am an Eeyore Reactor by nature, but I have learned that causes me lots of problems. Since my self assessment and realization of this fact, I have learned to be a prepared reactor. I cannot be prepared for everything in life, but I can do as much as possible. Being prepared for conflict, tragedy, and mistakes in general, helps me to follow Godly principles and to keep my thoughts and emotions under control.
Lisa,
Your book Unglued and now this is just fabulous. I’m from a long ling of “The Sky is Falling Reactors”. Lo and behold, I work for one too! So first I’m learning not to react and I use a lot of the psalms and your words of wisdom so I’m not overreacting and emotional and storming off…..I am learning to trust, to trust God and to let go and let God. I also have to learn to apply these words of wisdom to all of my life….Thank-yo
Peace and Blessings,
Jane