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Friday, October 26

Do I want to make peace or progress?

I like peace. I crave peace. I want peace — in my relationships, in my ministry, in my life. Peace is good. But sometimes I want peace so much that I sacrifice progress for the sake of peace. And I’m learning that’s a mistake.

If I make my primary goal to keep the peace, I limit the opportunity to address things that need to be addressed. I shy away from addressing conflicts. I limit necessary communication. And when you limit communication, you limit the potential of the relationship.

I’m trying to remind myself daily it’s not the absence of conflict that determines whether or not my relationships are healthy. It’s knowing how to handle the conflicts that will arise. It’s desiring to make progress even if it costs me some peace. It’s realizing peace and progress don’t often hold hands and operate simultaneously.
Knowing how to handle conflict is the best way to maintain healthy relationships. www.lysaterkeurst.com

Progress disrupts the flow of passivity.

Progress propels us out of a comfort zone.

Progress pushes against the resistance of neutrality.

And calls us to want our relationships to be better even if that costs us some peace.

Remember conflict doesn’t always mean we have to fight against something and tear it apart. Conflict can also mean we’re fighting for something to make it even better and stronger than it’s ever been.

Do you have a relationship you need to fight for in your life? My book, Unglued, will equip you to have better relationships as you learn to address areas of conflict in healthy ways that lead to progress. Don’t enter this year’s holiday season without it.

And if you’ve read Unglued leave me a comment below and tell me what you learned. Even if it’s that I’m way more crazy than you. I definitely let my crazy out in this new book. Smiles.

Discussion

  1. 54

    Lysa,
    Dear sister in Christ,

    My first introduction to you was by reading Made to Crave (enjoyed it). Then I read Unglued and I wanted to cheer and say “Amen, Amen!” as I read the book.

    I think Unglued should be required reading, lol. Many of the concepts and ideas I have pondered for years, but you beautifully pulled together wisdom and scripture in a super helpful and meaningful way. Thank you.

    Numerous lines are highlighted in my copy, but perhaps one of my favorites is “Avoiding reality never changes reality.” How many of us use avoidance rather than our authentic voice to simply say what is in our heart?

    Seems like whenever I read something inspirational like your book God immediately places a related learning opportunity in my path. Currently I am praying for a co-worker and friend who…well…came “unglued” over something that from the outside seems puzzling.

    It was the perfect storm: she was sick, in the middled of planning a major family event, etc. Her co-workers (including me) decided not to bother her with a small project that had to be done in three days and was due while she was out of the office anyway. Heavens, we all thought we were being kind.

    Then she blew like St. Helens. It’s been ugly. After the explosion she’s been avoiding. She refuses to speak to the best of her friends. This is week 4 since the eruption. Now she’s moved to punish us in a variety of ways.

    Yesterday I offered to listen. This was a repeat offer–she turned me down a few weeks ago, but I hoped by now she might want someone to open the door of communication. I told her I care about her and want to be there for her. I can’t fix what upset her, but I can learn from it.

    She said to drop it because she doesn’t want to revisit what happened. And then she proceded to dish out a few more punishing e-mails; clearly showing she has decided to pull away from the work and people she has seemed to love working with in the past.

    I decided not to reply with, “We can’t revisit where we’ve never been.” We’ve never talked about it or processed the situation because she insists on avoiding.

    I realize that as much as I’m hurting that she must be hurting as much or more. My prayer is that her heart will soften and that healthy communication will begin. Time will tell.

    Thank you for Unglued!

    Glenna

  2. 55

    I was wondering if you can make a 5 night challenge: NO MORE UNGLUED MAMA BEDTIMES?

    Thank you for your honesty in your struggles & sharing them with us so we can learn & grow together. I have read Made To Crave & am reading Unglued now. I love the books.

  3. 56

    The 5 Night Challenge: NO MORE UNGLUED MAMA BEDTIMES

    In my happy world: the kids would get ready for bed at 7:30pm (pj’s on, brush teeth, & bathroom. after that I would talk to my son (7 1/2) & daughter (5 1/2) for about 10 min each reading a daily devotion & A God promise, write down what they are thankful for or what happened that was good today, & pray.

    In reality: the kids running around giggling, jumping on the bed, slamming doors, chasing the cat, Dad letting them watch TV longer, fighting over the bathroom, crying since I can’t put them in time out, but took away night time music or TV for the next day. me getting frustrated & overwhelmed spewing yuck……..

  4. 57

    Unglued was a Godsend for me. I always knew I had to change but it felt impossible. Your book pinpointed my exact problem(s) with conflict and reactions. I noticed soon after reading that the ideas in your books would come to mind when I found myself in a stuff or explosion. Before, I wouldn’t recall anything except regret when it was all over. And as time has passed, I’m even more aware of situations, people, and my actions/reactions. Imperfect progress, but the best progress I’ve made in awhile.