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Wednesday, August 15

Mean Girls

The plastic seats were green. The desks a dirty beige. The perfect pale color to make pencil marks easy to read. Really easy.

That’s how I saw what was making the group of girls sitting in front of me laugh. They turned to look at me. And then added to Jennifer’s desk art.
It was a frizzy-headed stick figure with huge buck teeth and crazed eyes. I knew even before I saw the name scribbled below, she’d drawn me. Me. An awful caricature of me.

It’s been years since I sat in that green seat with a dirty beige desk. But it hasn’t been years since I’ve had those same feelings of rejection and hurt. Of course, they aren’t from girls drawing pictures. But meanness hurts, no matter what age and no matter how it’s delivered.

You can take girls out of middle school but you can’t take the middle school out of some girls.

If you’ve been hurt in this way, you know what I’m talking about. In Unglued, I talk about the ways stuffers and exploders react. If we’re a stuffer type person, we want to withdraw and get away from the source of our hurt as fast as possible. If we’re more of an exploder person, we want to attack back so they’ll feel as bad as we do.

I’m not proud to say I understand both of these reactions very well.

But here’s where things get a little complicated. Jesus flies in the face of conventional wisdom and says for us to “love our enemies.” What? Are you serious?

Something deep inside us whispers, “Don’t you dare love this person. This situation is the exception.”

Let the internal battle begin.

This is tough stuff.

But what if I were to assure you that Jesus isn’t being cruel or naive in His command for us to love. He’s actually showing us how to get free from the sting of another person’s wounds. When we’re wounded we can either pursue healing by extending love back. Or, we can refuse healing and allow the “rejection infection” to set into our wound.
In our relationships, we have the choice to seek freedom in tough situations by choosing to pursue love instead of hurt. www.lysaterkeurst.com

Here are three things to remember:

The Command

My job isn’t to fix my enemy. My job is to be obedient to God in how I deal with them. “But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,” (Matthew 5:44).

The Caution

If there is abuse, we must learn to love from afar. How? By forgiving the person that hurt us-releasing their offense into the hands of God. Trusting God to reveal to them their wrong and deal with their actions from here.

But we must always remember forgiveness and restoration don’t have to go hand-in-hand. You can forgive someone but not do everyday life with them. Ask God to give you discernment to know when and how to love from afar.

The Catalyst

So, back to Jennifer and the awful and hurtful pencil drawing. I wish I could go back to that moment and relive it with the knowledge I have now. Jennifer drew that picture because of her own haunting insecurities. And while it’s tough to have compassion for someone who’s hurting us in the moment of rejection, it is possible to have compassion for their obvious hurt. Hurt people, hurt people.

Dig beneath the surface of a mean girl and you’ll find a girl riddled with self-hatred.

Romans 12:20 says, “On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”

Jennifer was hungry and thirsty for affirmation of any kind. And the only way she could figure out how to get it, was to make those around her laugh at me.

What might have happened if I were to have walked by her desk, leaned in close, and given this desperate girl a drink from the living water? “Jennifer, you are beautiful. Do you know that?”

Not in a million years could I have done that in middle school. But I’m not in middle school any longer.

And now’s a good time to remember that.

Discussion

  1. 1

    Thank you, Lysa, for the needed reminder that God knows the hurts we feel and he is more than capable of healing us as well as the one who caused the pain. God bless you and your wonderful ministry.

  2. 2

    Thanks Lysa, this is powerful. Loving Unglued – hurt people, hurt people.
    Blessings.
    Darlene

  3. 3

    Lysa, I hear you, I hear you, I hear you. I have been on the ridiculed side of life so many times…just like countless others. And yes, I as well have been both reactors.
    But you are correct; ours is to love and to forgive…probably not in that order. :0)
    You are also correct about the insecurity of those who treat others in this manner. Someday, there will be no more pain or suffering; no more tears or injustices. For now, if we choose to follow Christ, we must….MUST….forgive and love. Sadly, I don’t see this often, but remain hopeful that people are going to prove me wrong….I add myself in there as well. :0)

  4. 4

    Wow this blessed me so much right now. I’m going through a similar situation, only it isn’t a girl, it’s my husband. The principal stands the same though.
    Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and God’s wisdom.

    • 5

      So am I Crystal!

    • 6

      Yes, I am too going through something similar and my best friend, who lives in Serbia, just forwarded me this blog post.
      I am struggling with my husband. I handled it right that first day saying if I’ve truly forgiven him than I can’t talk about it or think about it anymore. Then the thoughts kept coming and the pain got deeper and then resentment and bitterness set in and for 3 days I fumed! “How could he hurt me…AGAIN..so badly?”
      Yep, I thought about running, leaving, divorcing, only to respond to the tug of God’s Sovereignty. “Could He have allowed this?” “Is this really for my good?” I can’t give you the answer just yet, but I did choose to forgive, not think about it, not talk about it and move on….but the pain still hurts and I’m experiencing great trust issues. Do I love him from afar? Do I give him the benefit of the doubt? I know I’d want God to give me the benefit of the doubt and not judge and criticize me when I err, but can I do the same….SHOULD I do the same? Anyone wanting to shed some light on this would be helpful. In summery….I’ve forgiven, repented for my childish behavior, forcing myself to cast down those thoughts when they come in and I’m not sharing this hurt with anyone else (not talking about it). So, I’ve done the right thing in God’s eyes, but how do I get past the trust issues and the pain????

      • 7
        Elizabeth says:

        Dear Kathleen,
        I don’t know all you are going through, but your post made me remember some things that I went through in my marriage. I didn’t believe in divorce so I knew we needed to work together to find our way back to intimacy. I can’t say it was ever perfect, but after 40 years of marriage, he got cancer and was given about 6 months to live. It was stage 4 when he was diagnosed. We got to a good cancer treatment program and he had a local oncologist and one in Illinois. What I learned at the end of his life was how much we needed each other, how much he appreciated me, and how much he loved me. He just had a hard time expressing it. I think his big fear was losing me, and that had caused a lot of anger over various things. I do not regret going to counseling and taking classes on how to have a biblical marriage. When I changed myself, I saw changes in him. I had to learn I couldn’t change him. He never was good at communication, but I did feel loved. I wish you the best.
        Love in Christ,
        Elizabeth

  5. 8

    Thanks so much for sharing this! You see i was a mean girl at one point in my life and it was because I was a hurt person, who hurt people. I was hurting and it brought me great pleasure to see others hurting. Until one day when GOD spoke loud and clear to me and said “You need to get some help!” i was at a Women’s Conference in Columbia and HE spoke to me through Ruth McWhite! She was speaking on how she reaches people and how GOD opens doors for her to witness. She said when she asks peopl how they are doing and they reply with “pretty good” it’s a sure sign that something is bothering them! That opened my eyes, ears and heart! See I too used to always reply with that and I knew why, but nobody else did! Of course I heard GOD speaking to me, but I prayed that if I am to get help with this secret I am keeping, then HE needed to send somebody in my path. I NEVER asked for help. The next morning I went to church and my pastor approached me and asked me how I was doing and I replied with pretty good. He said he was available if I needed to talk. I burst into tears and told him no I was fine. I knew all along GOD was sending him to me. Anyway long story short. That evening after church services I asked him if I could talk to him and I got my healing and my cleansing! GOD is so good and my prayer now is that those who I hurt in the past can find it in their heart to forgive me. I am very thankful for you being obedient and posting this today!

    • 9

      Wow Karen- thank you for posting your story. That’s powerful. And it really helps to hear that God spoke to you- transformed you- and helped you see what you’d been doing to others.

      Seriously, everyone needs to read your comment today. I think it will give many people hope. And help us have compassion for that person we think is just mean.

      Thank you! Thank you!

  6. 10

    This is so true and so powerful. Those scars seem to stay deep inside and how painful it can be to be treated so. But God is good.

  7. 11

    wow!

    going right into my file of favorite Lysa posts <3

  8. 12

    Thank you Lysa! This helps me see my situation in a whole new light. While it doesn’t make the situation any less difficult, at least now I can see it with a different perspective. Thanks again. You touched my heart :)

  9. 13

    I am a middle school teacher and one of my main objectives is avoiding memories like this one fom ever happening in the first place. We girls do hang on to moments like this in the back rooms of our memories for a life time. But I love looking back like this though mature, Godly eyes with wisdom. Sometimes it’s easy to forget that we are not in junior high any longer…..thank you, Lysa, for the reminder!

  10. 14

    Hurting people hurt others. A former pastor of mine use to say this often. It has helped me live the commandment of “Love your enemy”. Enjoy reading your post. God Bless!

  11. 15

    Lysa,

    Thank you so much for this today! I encounter “mean girls” every day at work. And sometimes I am both a stuffer and an exploder!

    This year I have made a new committment to Christ and have gotten back on the path and my journey with God. Since going back to church, praying every day, my quiet time every day with God, I have overcome this hurdle in my life. I often would pray “I am a 35 year old woman, married with children, girl scout troop leader…why I am letting these 20 somethings get to me? Why am I letting them run my life here at work? God, why is this happening to me? GOD, WHY DOES THIS HURT SO BAD?” The next day I received his answer and it was like being hit over the head with a frying pan…..LOVE! I was driving down the highway on my way to work(quiet time, praise time always happens on the way to work), the radio plays “Proof of Your Love” by King & Country! God answered me and He told me to pray for them and also examine yourself Jenny, how do you respond to them…Proverbs 16:24 ESV “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.” and also Proverbs 15:1 NIV “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

    God’s word has really worked! Yesterday, I was able to endure a staff meeting with the youngsters and we were actually productive! No arguing, nothing but kindness going around. I have been showing them love, complimenting them whenever I can and sharing God’s word with them. (Yes, I certainly shared those verses with the ring leader this past Saturday when she and I worked alone. I asked God to show me how to let her know that she was hurting me.)

    Thanks again, Lysa! I am so looking forward to the Unglued bible study that my Lifegroup will be doing starting next week or the week after!!!!!

  12. 16
    Laura K in SD says:

    Lysa, thanks so much for your message this morning. The timing was perfect! I was just having one of those conversations with God: “I know I’m supposed to love this person who is treating me badly, but teach me how to do that in a healthy way.” Thanks for allowing the Lord to speak to me through you today!

    And thanks SO MUCH for sharing your testimony at the conference on Saturday. It hit me so deep that I wasn’t quite ready to talk about it that day. Instead I just flit around your book-signing table staying superficial. But I, too, have struggled with feeling disqualified from serving God with my whole heart because of the junk of my past. I loved your comment that “life’s hurts touch us all, but God’s redemption is completely solid.” It was so freeing to join with you in your prayer. I don’t remember it exactly, but it was something like: “Lord, you have loved me back from the pit of darkness. Thank you! I will say ‘It is well with my soul.’ I will choose to believe it has all been for good. I want to stop believing the lie that my past has disqualified me from being a Jesus girl and say YES to following hard after You, God.”

    Blessings and thanks to you, Lysa!!!

  13. 17

    good stuff!! i often wonder if i had to go back to high school, or middle school, and could take the knowledge i have now, would i do things differently? would the “popular people” do things differently?? mostly, i wonder if i would LET them make me feel as inferior as i did back then, now that i know i would end up friends with some of them!!! lol. and now that i am slowly learning that i am a daughter of the King, and that is nothing to feel inferior about!!! ;)

  14. 18
    Amy Stout says:

    Hi Lysa! I just wanted to let you know that you are my new best friend…just thought you should know! I declared that to my husband just last night, “I have a new best friend! We’re just alike, I get her!” :) I do just adore you. I love your writing style. It resonates with this Jesus girl. Your words speak to me and touch my heart. I’m a 38 year old mother of 3 and pastors wife. It’s a lonely road at times being a pastors wife…that’s why you are such a blessing to me. I devoured Unglued! I felt like I was sitting with a girlfriend talking!Thank you! I took some ladies through your Made to Crave DVD study…fabulous! We were so pleased with it that we will be offering it as a SS class in Jan. I was delighted beyond belief to see that you are coming to IOWA! No one comes to IOWA! I live a half hour from Pella, so girl I am there! Problem is…here’s a coming unglued moment…between my husbands assistant’s desk and my husband’s church mailbox my ticket disappeared. I’m not kidding. Not a happy moment. My man turned his entire office upside down looking for it. He is so good to me though, he called the local bookstore, explained the situation and it looks like they will issue me a new one. I hope!!PTL!
    Anyway, I’d love to treat you to lunch or have you to my home for coffee, tea, coke…not diet coke for crying out loud! But, I know that’s just not possible :) I get that… I really do just want you to know that I’d delight in doing so, I’d love to bless you somehow for being a friend to someone you’ve never even met…me. I would love the opportunity to minister to you for a moment or two! So, just know that dear one. Even though you just cant, I want you to know I want to. :)I love who you are and what God is up to in you! Continue to be yourself….well! Blessings friend! It’s a wonderful day to be Lysa!

  15. 20
    Verna Hynes says:

    Thank you, Lysa, for such a great blog! I am so thankful for you. Thankful that you have been able to become a woman of God (despite the hardships you endured) and that you are using your great talent to minister to me! (and millions of other folks!) I am really looking forward to reading your “Unglued” book! Stay strong in your faith and stay close to God!

    Blessings!
    Verna from Alberta, Canada

  16. 21

    We live these life lessons all the time with my kids, as I explain that people that hurt are usually hurting people. It is so hard to understand at grade school age how someone who is mean needs our love. But as you so beautifully put it, Jesus gives us the instruction to love and in doing so, we develop compassion and strength through Him. Thanks for your post at a perfect time with school starting today!!! My kids are starting a new school and my daughter is in fourth grade and doesn’t know a soul. My heart is aching for her…

    • 22
      Elizabeth says:

      Hi Chris,
      I’m a former teacher (but still looking for a job). I just wanted to let you know I’m praying for you and your children to have a good school year. Children are pretty resilient at elementary school age. Also teachers usually notice students who are shy and try to bring them out. Just keep asking how their day was and really listen (I’m sure you already do this) and you will find out sooner or later if everything is going OK. There can be the girls who say, “I’m not going to invite you to my birthday party.” At least there aren’t that many who say that. They are the ones who are hurting.
      Hugs,
      Elizabeth

  17. 23

    I like your words that meanness hurts no matter what age or how it presents itself. As we begin a new school year, I pray that we as educators will set a good example for the students and educate ourselves on the best way to handle the hurter and the hurtee.

  18. 24

    Lysa, it is AMAZING how God uses you to speak words so pointed directly at me! Well, it seems that way…
    I have been haunted by a mean girl situation at work, and I am in so much inner turmoil with it -trying to ‘let it go’. Your guidance is helping me SO much today. Thank you for speaking the words of Jesus to my heart! I love you!

  19. 25

    Holy smokes!!! Talk to my heart!!! I need to get that book;)!! Love it love it!

  20. 26
    Debbie Wilson says:

    F O R G I V E N E S S
    (Debbie Wilson 8/12)

    It is Favor given to those who have not earned or deserve it.
    It is not forfeiting personal responsibility of allowing continual abuse
    It is not Oversight of sin and excusing the behavior but love expanding to cover a multitude of sins
    It is Receiving the free gift of God, salvation unmerited and being reminded daily to remove the speck from our own eyes
    It is Grace that shines from the face of human hearts that choose to see others as those made in the image of God
    It is not a spirit of Insistence or demands but rather a humility that continuously gives without prideful interference.
    It is not passive revenge, manipulation of words until Vindication arrives, but Victory to overcome bitterness and resentment while tears cascade into puddles of healing waters.
    It is Eternal measures of trust and faith in God to make all things right, with scales of justice to conquer evil and to deliver the weak.

    Love your enemies, pray for those who persecute you. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get?

  21. 27

    Wonderful advice. Wise words. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to realize that most of us are walking wounded (in some way or another).
    I love the 3 things to remember……perfect for hurting gals.

  22. 28
    Tammy in CO says:

    Lysa, thank you so much for this message. I was listening to KLOVE at work on my computer and heard you being interviewed. You’re comment, “Conflict occurs when we feel exposed or opposed” caught my attention, so here I am on your site.

    I especially like what you say above in “The Caution” section. It encourages me so much! I have always struggled with the forgiveness/restoration issue, thinking that to forgive someone meant that I had to put myself back in the situation. I love what you said, “You can forgive someone but not do everyday life with them.” I know that in my head but have trouble getting in deep into my heart. So, just hearing that from your perspective helps me to know that I can give myself a break. We are commanded to forgive, but God also wants us to set healthy boundaries. It all comes down to trusting HIM with the situation and not thinking we have to fix it.

    I’m so grateful to God for how far He’s brought me in this area, but I still have a ways to go.

    Thank you for your words of encouragement and God’s blessings to you!

  23. 29
    Kathleen Akridge says:

    WOW! This one hit me right between the eyes!! As a Jr. High and HS girl, I was the chubby girl with glasses…hence, the subject of snickers and finger pointing. By the Grace of God though, He brought me a precious Husband that tells me everyday how beautiful I am, inside and out! (btw…I’m still chubby with glasses! :-))

    Over the past couple years God has been prompting me to re-connect with my pears from HS. I have NOT wanted to do this! Maybe the Holy Spirit is simply revealing this area of unforgiveness I’m holding onto in my heart. To be perfectly honest, as I type these words, I’m legitimizing why I have a “right” to not forgive them, or hold contempt in my heart tward them. Ai-yi-yi…how far I have to go!!! Romans 5:8 springs to mind: “WHILE I was still sinning…Christ died for me” Oh, Father, let me see others with the same Grace and mercy that you saw me…while I was sinning!

    Great entry Lysa!! Thanks for allowing God to use you in the lives of gals like me!!

  24. 30

    This message couldn’t have come at a better time.

    Just yesterday I was having a conversation with a co-worker who brought up the name of someone I work with who I don’t particularly like. I muttered “I think you’ve realized I’m not a big fan of R—” when I was shocked to hear my co-worker respond with “Well, he’s not a big fan of yours either.”

    For that brief moment, I wanted to lash out when I remembered not to become “unglued”. Like yesterday’s message about people pleasing, I know I do my job to the best of my ability and R— is one of these people who could just never be pleased and seems to be only happy dragging others down. And it was if the Holy Spirit rewarded me for taking that step in not becoming “unglued” by my co-worker saying “Just so you know…everything he’s ever said about you is completely untrue.”

    Last night when I prayed, I actually prayed for R— that he sees how he could be hurtful and thanking God for those in my life who do realize how hard I work.

  25. 31

    Oh, Lysa, THANK YOU so much for the words God gave you to say as a “caution” I don’t want to remember how many years it has been that I have been suffering inside because of wanting so much to forgive family members that have hurt (and abused) me, but when you have to see the person daily, it is very hard to forgive and forget. To say the words in my head were easy enough. To live it and believe it in my heart, well, that has been another story.

    But reading your message today, God spoke so clearly. “BUT WE MUST ALWAYS REMEMBER FORGIVENESS AND RESTORATION DON’T HAVE TO GO HAND-IN-HAND. YOU CAN FORGIVE SOMEONE BUT NOT DO EVERYDAY LIFE WITH THEM. ASK GOD TO GIVE YOU DISCERNMENT TO KNOW WHEN AND HOW TO LOVE FROM AFAR.” WOW!

    Why I haven’t heard this message before, I don’t know. Maybe I have heard it many times, but been “tuned out” because the speaker was talking about issues I had, and they just don’t understand what it’s like to be physically and mentally abused and have to LIVE with that person.

    But today, God spoke through you right to my heart. I DON’T have to do everyday life with them! I can truly, honestly, heart-felt FORGIVE them, and I can be FREE in my Savior’s love and acceptance and forgiveness. PRAISE GOD!! I now know I can distance myself FOR myself to be better and to become all that God wants me to be! WOW!!

    Thank you for this insight and encouragement! God Bless!

  26. 32
    Erica Hockemeyer says:

    Thank you for this one. You make me smile, laugh, and cry all at the same time. You are so awesome….and I appreciate your willingness to be one of God’s tools to reach women like me. Thanks!

  27. 33

    Thanks for this great reminder. I have actually dealt with more persecution as an adult from female bosses than I did when I was in middle school. Much more viscous, to the point of trying to ruin my career. I had to learn to forgive and pray for them and in doing that God has provided me with even better opportunities, and placed me into a great work environment that I probably would not have found if I did not go through those VERY trying times! God is good!!

  28. 34

    Lysa,
    Love this post! Looking forward to reading the book and doing the study with you all.
    One question regarding “Caution”… I am also reading John Bevere’s “Bait of Satan” which seems to indicate that we must not only forgive our brother, but make ourselves available to be hurt again and again. He references Matt. 5:38-42. What are your thoughts on this? (Personally, I would prefer to forgive and not give opportunity to be hurt again by limiting my exposure to that person.) I don’t want to take the easy way out on this. Thank you so much for your insights!

  29. 35
    deborah fultner says:

    This is a powerful message and one I need to read often. I was able to finally forgive someone who had hurt my son. My son is a grown man but I’m a mother as long as I live. While I was feeling this burden lifted, a close family member acted mean and hurtful to me. I immediately started praying that God would forgive him through me. God’s grace is more wonderful than words can express. Thank you for your message and allowing readers to comment as this is healing, too.
    Blessings.

  30. 36
    Stacy in Michigan says:

    Dear Lysa,
    I have been struggling with whether or not forgiving someone meant I had to restore a relationship. I finally felt at peace with the forgiving part, but I didn’t know if I needed to re-establish a relationship that has caused me pain and confusion for just about as long as I can remember. It brings me great comfort that God will understand if I forgive those that have hurt me without restoring the relationship.
    Thank you for bearing your weaknesses so others may be strengthened through them.
    God Bless You!

  31. 37

    Great post…such truth! I’m so thankful I’m not in middle school any more, but this story takes me back and God is reminding me that someday (soon) my children will be! So grateful for this message and Unglued – praying I will learn and apply so I can teach and show my children as well! Thank you friend, Jill

  32. 38

    As much as I hate the picture of you being hurt as a little girl, I’m thankful God allowed you to endure some things because you allow Him to flip into His good. You know how I feel about you and am so thankful for you. You always bless my life.
    xo,
    L

  33. 39

    Awesome post!

  34. 40

    Because of the abuses I went through as a child I came to my lord and savior. I have forgiven my abusers but I cannot be in relationship with them…..which makes it hard since this involves siblings. I pray for them. Thank you for sharing and confirming to me that I don’t need to be in relationship with them.

  35. 41

    Your FB thought today was about extending love to those who’ve hurt you. And i fully believe that.

    But right now I’m completely confused about how to extend love without the wrong level of emotional involvement when it’s become unwise. I don’t want my heart to be closed. I want to show God’s love, I really do. Praying for wisdom. Needed that thought today. Thank you. I am asking God to search my heart.

    so so confused right now.

  36. 44

    Lysa,

    I’m continually amazed at the things God will do to show us His love! Even though it’s obvious I’m not the only one experiencing a “Mean Girl” heartache, reading your post was perfectly timed to give me the encouragement I needed, as if it was a gift from Him, just for me.

    Thank you and many blessings to you in your ministry!
    Melissa

  37. 45
    Elizabeth says:

    Lysa,
    Thank you for your post which was also perfectly timed for me. Thank you for sharing your life and thoughts with us. I’m praying for you and everyone who reads your posts.
    God bless you,
    Elizabeth

  38. 46

    What do you do when it’s your daughter-in-law who is the mean girl? I’ve tried being kind and thoughtful, and yet her words are like barbs and the manipulations endless.

  39. 47

    Lysa

    What do you do next when you pratice Romans 12:20 and she will not accept and tells you she wants nothing from you. I was hurt deeply but want a relationship with her so I can have a relationship with my son and granddaughter. I cry and pray, then pray and cry. What do I do next?

    Nancy

  40. 48

    Lysa, I have enjoyed reading your blog. A Christian friend recommended it to me. I’m not Christian but I get a lot out of it too!

  41. 49

    I am reading this a few days behind, but want to praise God for sending me to peruse through your blog today. My hurt is caused by my husband, and I have forgiven him many times for the same offense. For some reason, maybe because I’ve needed so much forgiveness from others, God has made it pretty easy for me to forgive. But the part I need prayers for is the keeping my distance part. I don’t need to stay with him because he has repeated the same hurtful offense, unfaithfulness, over and over. I need prayers to trust that God will provide what I need emotionally. My husband loves our kids and even me in his own warped way, and is taking financial care of us, which is such a blessing. I am just so afraid of being alone. Please pray for our situation.

  42. 50

    Lysa.
    I’m a middle schooler. I am living in the world of being mean. I just wanted to tell u a story if you don’t mind..
    There was a new boy. Chubby. Annoying. Very annoying. So we were just chilling in class waiting for it to start. The teacher wasn’t in the classroom at the time. So the new boy, named Hunter, was scooting his desk back. Not knowing he was pushing another boys desk. So the boy behind gets up in his face. Says something in Spanish. And sits back down. Now stay with me. hunter doesn’t speak Spanish. So he did it again. But he was only trying to get comfy. Those chairs aren’t comfy. So the Spanish boy pushes the desk so hard it flies forward about 4 or 5 feet. Then they got in to an argument. I knew it was going to lead to a fight. So I got in between them. ” What the heck is ur problem?!” I ask them.
    ” He was tryin kill me.” saidhunter.
    ” not I wasnt!l said the Spanish boy.
    ” well that is not a reason to fight!!!” I told them.
    ” Well he was being annoying.” said a by standing girl.
    ” if that happnd to you would you like me to stick up for you? I thought so. And it’s no reason to freaking trying beat him up!” I told her.
    ” Whatever ”
    Did I do that right? Is that wwjd moment? Lysa. Pls reply. Pls.

  43. 51

    This is such a great message! Thank you so much for this Lysa! In my situation, it’s a new sister in law to the family that has caused family division. My kids, my mom & my sister have been hurt by our situation. So I am so tempted to give in to the feelings of this is different because it’s not just me being hurt, it’s those I love being hurt too and that makes me more angry sometimes. God calls us to love our enemies, so I must. And the result is that my family and most importantly my kids will see me obey God when it’s not easy and in turn that could help strengthen their faith! God uses so many different ways to strengthen our faith and our relationship with Him! And obeying God is not always about how we feel, it’s about taking the steps to obey Him, the feelings can follow.

  44. 52

    I met my best friend in 2nd grade. I remember that day as if it was yesterday. Our class went to her class to watch a movie. When we walked in, she said come sit by me, and I did. We were best friends, did everything together, stayed at each others house every weekend. In 6th grade I decided that I wanted to go to a private school. After a year of that I wanted to go to the middle school where the friends I had been in school with since 2nd grade were at. My friend had established a lot of new friends, so when I came her & I were still best friends, & I became friends with most of her friends. There was a girl in our circle that just isn’t always considerate of people’s feelings, and can just be plain mean. One day, something happened & my best friend & this other girl got most of our group to be mad at me. To this day I still don’t know what I did for them to do this. I had previously decided to return to the private school because the new school was so big compared to the private school, & I was tired of the drama that my bf was always causing. I left school early for a dr appt & when i got to our locker there was the meanest most hurtful letter i have ever read or received. As I walked home, i was bawling the whole way & when I walked in my mom asked what was wrong? All I could do was hand her the note & continued to cry my eyes out. I never stood up to her & let her walk all over me. If she got mad at me, it was me who wrote her a letter saying I was sorry for whatever I did that upset her. She too wasn’t a very good friend as I look back on our childhood. She was my first best friend & my last best friend. I have never let anyone get that close to me since, but i do have a few really close friends but no one i would call my best friend. We did become friends again & were until after high school, then something else happened & we didn’t talk for years. To this day, I still remember the pain I felt as I read that hurtful letter from my best friend. I think that our friendship made me the insecure person I am still today, always second guessing myself, & feeling like I’m not good enough. I miss her being in my life, but now that I’m an adult with 2 girls I’m trying to teach them to always treat others the way they want to be treated, and to remember that words hurt & can’t be taken back. It’s a lesson that even I need to remind myself at times. I pray that God can show me how to be more patient & hold my tongue when one of my children are blatantly trying my patience. I’m trying to grow closer to God & read more scripture. I love this newsletter because more then a few times it has been about things I have been struggling with. Thank you so much for sharing this article, & the one on how to be your child’s biggest cheerleader! I’ve been trying to restore our relationship. she is not only strong willed but has ADHD which is so hard, I’m just lost. I pray that Jesus can help restore our relationship & help me help her with her ADHD.
    Thank you again.
    Cristina