You want to know one of the hardest three-word statements to make? “I am wrong.”
It’s so easy to point out wrong in others. It’s so easy to want it to be someone else’s fault. It’s so easy to get critical and cynical and caught up in our limited perspectives.
But boy is it hard to see our own flaws. Where we went wrong. What we need to own.
I’ve been challenging myself on this. I recently had to correct one of my children for trying to blame someone else for something my child needed to own themselves. I could clearly see the pride, the insecurity, and the fear all wrapped around her blaming words. And why could I see it so clearly?
Because I see it in myself.
Bummer hunh? I know, it would be much more fun to talk about fashion today. I recently found a pink and green necklace that is so cute, let’s just pause and take a quick look:
Okay, now where were we?
Oh yes, my conversation where I explained to my child something I’m learning myself. About blaming. And the dangerous path blaming can take us on.
I explained that in most conflicts I have two ways I can choose to travel:
The Path of Pride-I can blame the other person, focus only on their flaws, and refuse to own my part of it. That response will increase my pride and decrease the Lord’s blessing in my life.
The Humble Way-I can honestly assess what I’m contributing to this conflict, admit where I went wrong, and ask for forgiveness. That response will lead to humility and increase the Lord’s blessing in my life.
I see this principle woven throughout the Bible:
James 4:6, “That is why Scripture says: God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”
Proverbs 29:23, “A man’s pride brings him low, but a man of lowly spirit gains honor.”
Matthew 23:12, “For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.”
I know this. I believe this. So, why do I still find it hard to implement sometimes?
Well, here’s where my head wants to go when I start examining certain conflicts: “But what if it really isn’t my fault? It’s not fair to assign the blame with me when this person did this and this and this.”
But that’s a wrong direction to head in. Don’t try to assign the blame. Just own the part you brought into the conflict. When I approach a conflict with a heart of humility, I’ve yet to see where I haven’t added something to the issue.
And if the other person doesn’t own their issues-the Lord will deal with them. (See the verses above.)
There are gifts hidden in the tough stuff of conflict. There is grace and honor to be gained. But I’ll only see those gifts if I stop blaming others and start examining myself.
Maybe the next time you’re in a tough spot and feel pulled toward blaming, pray this, “God, I want to follow Your teaching in this. But it’s so hard. I’m mad and frustrated and hurt. The last thing I feel like doing is examining where I am wrong. But I know that’s what I need to do. Will You soften my heart? Will You give me eyes to see beyond my hurt? Will You help me cut through the assumptions and wrong thinking? I want to honor You in this, I really do.”
Think of a recent conflict with someone. Which way did you travel? Remember, it’s never too late to go back and go the humble way. And it might make it a tad bit easier if you’re wearing a cute necklace. I’m just saying.
The winners of the Unglued Bible Study kits are: Ashley Preston, Heather Frederickson and Erika Myette. To claim your study kit email jennie@proverbs31.org.
Wow….my morning has really stunk up until a little bit ago. I snapped at a coworker, argued with my boss in an email….sat in another co-workers office and cried…I’m having a poor me day! And I know that I do have a big part in it….and was too proud to say I do. Wow….did you read my mind this morning?? Thank you for the reminder, for God somehow knowing my heart and putting it in your words. God bless you.
Oh Lisabeth- that’s a tough thing to admit. Nope- not reading your mind but I’ve been there so I understand. Praying things turn around today for you!
This happened to me yesterday…and it ended badly. Still recovering with my part in the contribution of the disintegration of friendship. So hurtful….but God where was I in this process? Show how to respond here? Are those shouts a reflection of You? God…correct me…and teach me to respond. Align my heart…
Thank you for posting…thank you..and glad to know I am not the only one who struggles with godly responses when attacked.
Love reading your heart. Licking my spiritual wounds now…
Oh my my but yes I have been there but the one laying on my mind happened about two years ago and it involves my dad and his current wife. (whom is like 5 yrs older than I) I confronted her on lieing about me and it just got way blown out. I haven’t spoken but maybe 3 times in 2 years to dad
This topic of forgiven has been laying on my heart bad. (Pride don’t make it easy) Help Lysa
I’m having trouble in my marriage dealing with trust, once trust is lost it’s so hard to get back and I’m trying. I’m really lost in my marriage and your article really put a new light onmy situation. Thanks so much for your stories. You’re a true blessing to you readers.
Oh how I struggle with this too! Thank you for your honesty. Not sure if you want to know, but there’s a typo in your post. “Bummer hunh?”
Are u for real? Did u even read what she said? Who cares if she had a typo? U have them too!!
Wow! As I read the comments made before me I feel a tiny bit better knowing I’m not alone. God always gives us what we need when we needed it and I truly needed this today! My significant other spouted some things off to me today that really hurt my feelings for doing something that I thought was for the good of us both. I’m hurt, I am angry and trying so hard to not do or say anything that will make the situation worse. I know me and when I get angry I will often use words to strike out and hurt but then regret them later. I strive very hard to avoid this kind of behavior because once the words are out their you can’t take them back and they have only added more pain to an already difficult situation. I am grateful for this devotion; I have printed the prayer out and have it sitting on my desk right in front of me. I will continue to read it over and over and over again until the pain I feel at this very moment goes away. Thank you for sharing this and thanks also to those who posted before me; I’m grateful I’m not alone.
Amen…something I have been very aware of in my own life and realizing that, as a society, we tend to teach that (blaming others) to our children by making excuses or blaming others on their behalf! Just one example (prevalent in our community): parents who harass teachers when their children don’t turn in their work and get the grades they expect. I have much improved in being able to say I was wrong/apologize…just need more of His help so I don’t have to say it as often
Thanks Lysa! I am guilty of all of it too! Your posts are always uplifting and a lot of times very convicting.
Thanks for that Lysa. I’m feeling the need to go upstairs and give my seven year old a cuddle and say that I’m sorry, Mummy got it wrong…
Again.
Heavy sigh.
Thank Him for second chances. And third, and fourth and…as many as it takes. How amazing is that?
x
Thanks Lysa!
I have to say I got a little thrown off by the necklace but got back on track quickly. It was sort of like a “squirrel” moment from the movie Up… LOL!
Well, the big conflict for me right now is “doing the right thing”…. You see, my father passed away recently and has left many holes in our lives. On top of that, we have just been asked to “do the right thing” toward our grown step siblings. These are not people we grew up with. All the “children” were grown when they got married. It lasted seven years and then our step mom passed away. Now, ten years after her death, her children want something… a rather big something… and frankly I am a little numb so I am waiting. Waiting until I can do the right thing for me. For my morals. For my Jesus girl self. Oh, I have heard a zillion opinions at this point but I am pushing them all aside. I am waiting on Him to answer me. Only that Right Thing matters. =) I have my own siblings to batlle on that front already. It’s not about the money, it’s about the principle and doing my father’s (Father’s) wishes.
I thank God for you and your blog that keep me centered in the importance of following God’s choice first.
Be Well,
Lina
Thanks for the reminder and challenge Lysa. I see this one most often between me and my kids…
First, super cute necklace! Love it!
Second, I love this post, and I too, find that what I see in my kiddos that needs work is usually exactly the same thing that I need help for in my own life. Sigh. My ugly pride keeps rearing its head over and over again, so thank you for this biblical inspiration and hope!
Lysa…you are so cute. Love your new necklace by the way.
what a great teaching…today …and everyday. I’m telling everyone about you. Because you are so inspiring and so real. I have your new book on my Christmas list.
I’m way past the children years…although we are grandparents….and are certified foster parents. I wish I knew then…while raising our children….what I’m learning now.
about looking at myself in my relationship problems..wow that’s hard. I used to blame myself for everything that was wrong. But now I usually speak my mind real well with my husband. Which never works. And with others….well I’m good about avoiding confrontation. I just pull away. I need a lot of prayer.
Thank you so much for listening
I really needed this in my l Iife as I am going through this spiritual journey. Sometimes it’s very easy to get off track due to emotions. I just spent a large amount of time with my mom who can be very negative and self absorbed. I keep saying that it was her that was making bitter and angry but then I realized that it was me all me and I needed to own that. So thank you got this post and I am
Putting the prayer on my phone do that I can have a reference point in case of an emotional emergency
Thank you for this. I’m obviously not alone in needing it today. Right now. This moment. And by the way, I LOVE that cute little green and pink necklace!
If ever I was to run into a brick wall.. bless if I have not done this all my life. Thank you, I do want God to show me my part and I want to see it.I may have to tighten my seat belt, its going to be a bumpy ride, but how sweet it will be to see Jesus waiting at the end with all his forgiveness!! (there is alot of I’s in this statement, “I” think that is telling me something)
Thank you for your sense of humor, and the way you put God’s word into your daily living. I enjoy reading them and learn something each day.
I just read day 4 of the unglued challenge. I needed the pep rally or pep talk as well. Sometimes I wonder why I ever wanted to be a Mom (I hate to say that but its true) . Nothing like doubting God’s plan and I am in way saying you failed Lord. So I press on and hope that we are preparing them for the future for whatever God has planned for them.
Again thank you Lysa.
Only half way through the post and just read the two paths you can take, blamming or humility….Lysa, you are a GENIUS!!!!!!! And I am such a dolt. Been wandering down that wide and easy road to distruction ALOT these days so consummed with what the world has the audacity to do to me!! Lol
Okay! Looking forward to reading the rest.
Lysa-dear. You are awesome. Thank you for writing tough posts like this. I like what I heard a pastor say one time about how he knew his sermon was a home-run when noone would look him in the eye. We all need a dose of reality. THANK YOU for being God’s instrument as best you know how. Nothing he does through you is for nought.
Cool, huh!? You have NO idea HOW you have impacted me this morning, and I KNOW for LIFE. I feel SO special that God would use you and your melody in the orchestra of my life…..And he is RIGHT. ON. BEAT!
p.s. you have impacted THIS girls life and her messy one-year marriage in so many ways. THANK YOU for this look at myself today. This wasn’t a glance you gave of myself but a stare of shock. I have done SO MUCH WRONG.
THANKS FOR THE EPIPHANY SISTA!!
Let’s high-five in Heaven some day =) (don’t forget!!!)
Wow! I had an epic crash and burn tonight. After attending She Speaks, after soaking up every breakout session I could, after finishing Unglued this morning while sitting on the beach, I came back, called my husband 5 states away and came unglued. SIGH!!! Then I opened your blog and was so glad that I am able to call him back and say “I WAS WRONG!” Thank you for keeping it real and making a sister realize that even when I am taking two steps forward and one step back, I can still go to His word and learn how to do it right. I loved your book. I am looking forward to doing the five day challenge. (I am sure my husband is looking forward to me doing it to) You rock girlfriend!
I am hurt and angry…I find it difficult to forgive…my husband has been cheating on me with the same woman for six years…also with a co-worker for about seven months. He says he loves me and wants to keep our marriage…but he can never give up the woman of six years. His words are he has a strong sexual attraction to her…she says they are in love…how do I stop being angry and hurt…
I don’t have any easy answers, but my heart breaks for you Jan. Praying that God shows you what to do/say and that He gives you wisdom, comfort and peace. Also praying that God will work on your husband’s heart as well. {hugs}
So glad you’re shouting out about this.
And glad you were able to go to some on vacation.
Because that’s me this year. My mom, aunt & uncle will be visiting so I’ll have to sneak in
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