The Friendship Challenge

What makes a woman tender also reveals her vulnerabilities.

What makes a woman transparent also exposes her wounds.

What makes a woman authentic also uncovers her insecurities.

And there isn’t a woman alive who resists being revealed, exposed, and uncovered. But to establish real intimacy with another person, a friend, it will require pushing past this resistance — past the fear.

To be known is to risk being hurt.

Friendship is risky.

But friendship can be beautiful.

I want you to think about a friend you can make an investment in this week.

I challenge you to not think of the friend with whom you feel most comfortable. But rather think of the friend who might benefit from seeing a little more of your tenderness, transparency, and authenticity.

There is someone in your sphere of influence who feels desperate to know there is someone else who understands.

Might you take three days and give her three friendship investments?

Day 1 — Have a conversation with her where you honestly admit one of your vulnerabilities or insecurities. Chances are she’ll reveal something to you as well. Then commit, really commit to praying for her.

Maybe wear your watch on the opposite arm than you normally do. Every time you’re distracted by this out of sorts placement, see this as a prompt to pray for this friend. Think of the burden she’s been carrying lately and carry it in your prayers this day.

Day 2 — Buy this friend a gift. Just because. It doesn’t have to cost you much. But make an investment of time to think of something that would really be personally delightful to this friend.

Day 3 — Write your friend a note to attach to the gift. In the letter, tell her at least three things you admire about her and some way she’s made a difference in your life.

Then deliver this little “just because” gift and note to your friend. This friend who sometimes feels a little vulnerable. Wounded. Exposed in some way.

Your honesty and thoughtfulness will be such a sweet investment.

For her.

For you.

For your friendship.

Are you up for taking the friendship challenge?

If so, leave me a comment below and it will enter you and your friend for a chance to win advance copies of my upcoming book Unglued. This book doesn’t release until August 1st so you’ll be two of the very first to read it!

How fun.

So leave a comment.

And for heaven sake, if you win, write a simple note to this author who will be feeling quite vulnerable, exposed, and insecure as this new book comes out. Oh us girls are so much alike.


  1. Chris says

    Thank you Lysa. I can certainly identify with the challenges of friendship and know I needed this challenge to become a better friend. I have been grieving what seemed like the loss of my best friend due to a very traumatic situation with our children. We cried together and tried to heal together, but started becoming defensive and even blamed each other. We disagreed with some counseling and misunderstood some details in communication, then walls began to form. It has now been 7 months since the conflict and just now have been able to come together with our spouses to agree to deny walls and Satan’s schemes to divide. Our families had a good day at the park yesterday and today at church, her child came to me and thanked me for forgiving the child for the violation to my child. I am thankful for the Lord being in control, for being big enough for the situation and knowing exactly what is needed. We have a long way to go, but know that this friendship challenge is to be apart of that healing and restoration needed for both families.

    Please pray for me personally as prayer has become a huge problem for me even before this situation. The Lord revealed to me that I need to come to Him first with everything and not people. I tend to seek advice of man before God. I am not sure exactly what keeps me from praying, but it truly has become a severe handicap for me. I recognize I cannot grow past this point without communication with Him, but it is really a hindrance/ obstacle I cannot seem to get past. I feel unworthy, inadequate, incapable of talking to the Lord. Several months ago, I read A Confident Heart by Renee and since have ordered and read almost all your books too, but cannot seem to breakthrough this state of being bound & gagged. I trust the Lord knows my heart but feel Him pulling me to pray to Him and just pour out my heart and really seek Him like never before, but am always blocked. I desperately need freedom & released from these chains. Please pray for my heart and my mouth to speak to Jesus. The Lord has spoken more truth to me through you and your books in the last year than ever before. Thank you for your honesty and your obedient example. I am sure that the Lord drew me to you and Proverbs 31 Ministries. Please pray that He will release my heart from the bondage keeping me from praying.

  2. Angel says

    Praying for the right friend to reach out to. There are a lot of hurting women out there. Looking forward to the new book unglued.

  3. Judy Holland says

    I was at E Women in Pensacola this past weekend. It was great and uplifting. I really enjoyed your message and was something we desparately need in our everyday life. I am excited about your new book. God Bless you and your ministry. Judy Holland

  4. Amy says

    One of the promises I try to make to each friend who reveals something that was hurtful is to never poke at that spot … if it’s far enough along in the healing to be a scar, it can still hurt if it gets poked at enough. And if it is in full blown wound stage …what kind of friend would I be if I poked a place that I KNOW hurts? I am not alway successful … but when I try to guard the heart of one (who risked so much to be transparent) before my own … I can usually rest at night knowing I have done no further harm!

  5. Beth M. says

    Lysa, I was just on the phone with my youngest daughter. She is very disappointed with friends and is needing some good infuences on her life. She is such a sweet girl and full of posibillities that my heart aches every time someone hurts her sweet heart!
    I am praying for you and your ear problems. I can’t imagine a constant ringing in the ears! Thank you so much for your ministry and all us “girls” you inspire and uplift with your words!

  6. Mary says

    I was looking over the line up for the womans confrence that you will be speaking at this weekend and clicked on your link. I could not belive the friend challenge! Just last night I spoke with a friend that I have not had heart to heart with in a long time. She revealed to me some things going on in her life that she just needed a shoulder to help carry her! I thought I need to go further and had planned to buy her a little gift today. I needed the boost to do more thank you for the challenge I accept!

  7. Marjolein says

    That’s a very good idea. Right now at our church we have a “secret sisters” project going on. Everyone has someone to pray for and give little presents to for a period of six weeks. After that , on the Big Evening , everyone will see who their sister was. I think it is a great way of having new friendships and deepening existing ones. Also for our church it’s a good thing to get connected with other language groups ( we have a Spanish speaking part) and cultures. God bless you and your new book!

  8. Amy Roth says

    Hello! I am in a bible study with a wonderful group of women. We are studying Made to Crave and I am finding success. Lysa, you are so right and thank you for pointing out the truth of the gospel! I need to be obedient which means self-sacrifice and self- control. This truth has really made a difference for me!
    I am new to your blog- just felt led to check it out. In our study we are at week 3 and the challenge is to reach out to our Samaritan woman. Then I read about your friendship challenge. I am having lunch today with my a friend and it would be wonderful if we can break down the walls that divide and become closer. So yes, I accept both challenges and we will see what happens! Thanks Lysa!!

  9. cheri gibson says

    thank you for your transparancy…..please keep our family lifted up…we are a blended family…more communication..trust…..Love and understanding are needed…thank you again……cheri

  10. Mary says

    Asking for prayer for one of my best friends who is having major issues with her marriage. There are decisions that have to be made. Please pray she will be strong and lift up a discernment prayer for her. I am so worried for her.

  11. Dana Herbert says

    Your blog has touched me so much in a time when I feel like I am breaking.
    My husband of almost two years is telling me that he doesn’t love me. I found out yesterday that he’s been with another woman, atleast talking to her..well he had a hickey to. So no, it’s more than that. We are a young couple and we have a child together. But oh I wish you knew this man, he is an amazing man, he isn’t perfect, but even with his flaws he is amazing. && he is an amazing father. But he’s telling me he doesn’t love me, even though I know that in his heart he still does. He’s just trying to work through a lot of stuff. Could you please pray for us. That he does not feel so abandoned and that lifes responsibilites will not tear him down so bad. Please, I want my husband back, and I’m praying and believing…but I need help. Because it hurts, and I’m afraid, and I’m still weak sometimes and I still give into that because its a fresh wound. I love him so much. Thank you so much for your prayers. && thank you for your blog, you touch so many!

  12. Tere says

    Please help me lift up my husband in prayer. He is battling addiction and feeling defeated. I KNOW he is NOT defeated because he is a blood bought child of the Living God. He desires to be healed and acknowledges that it’s a stronghold. Thanks in advance prayer warriors 🙂

  13. NIcole says

    I subscribe to your daily devotions and am involved in a bible study group that is studying your becoming more than a good bible study girl series! I have found such joy and comfort in them especially recently. Todays message was excatly what i needed to hear as I am in a new marriage and am faced with family struggles already. I have forwarded it on to my Mom as our family struggle is the unexpected seperation of her and my dad after 32 years of marriage and it is a mess. I would love it if you and your team could please lift my parents and my own marriage up in prayer and that Gods work will begin in our family. Thank you so much!

  14. May says

    I did it any my wonderful friend had a wonderful idea planned for me too just because. My name is May and on May 1st (May Day) she decided that we could do whatever I wanted. So we had a picnic and laughed and ate awesome food and just hung out the whole evening. I am so blessed to have this friend. And I haven’t even known her for long. I told her “thank you for teaching me so much love.” Blessings to all!

  15. Joanna says

    the challenge is really interesting!
    and it really works positively…thanks lysa

  16. Liz says

    I have a circle of people I call friends but only two who have known every bit of me inside and out. One is a Christian one is not. The one who is not decided she didn’t really want to be close friends anymore I think in part to my Christianity although she would never say that. We had been friends for 19 years–it was a very hurtful situation. My other friend is a Christian and we were almost joined at hip. We did so much together. She knows every little thing about me. Recently she has been saying really really rude things to me and really pulling back from me. I feel so so hurt. I have talked to her when we have had issues in the past and really and truly she never recognizes she has done anything wrong. I don’t break down those walls with many people and the two times I have I’ve been tossed to the side. People don’t like the real me. This is so hurtful. People who know me but not the depths of me do like me. I don’t feel I can ever open up like that to another woman again. I have cried and lost sleep due to this and never want to experience this kind of rejection again. I am blessed beyond belief with a husband who does love me no matter what with all my imperfections and 3 amazing kids. I just feel like secluding myself to them…any advice is appreciated.