the inside chatter

You know what I think would be a great gift to give a friend today?  Permission to quiet the inside chatter.

Just a little phone call to say, “When you and I have had a conversation you don’t ever have to worry about how I’ll analyze everything later. I’m not thinking you’re crazy or high maintenance or wacky.  Okay? I love you.  And if I need clarification about something, I’ll just call and process it with you.”

What a gift a phone call like this would be to some friend who has been driving herself crazy over a conversation the two of you had recently.

It’s this crazy thing with us women- this inside chatter.

Inside chatter is the hyper analyzing of a conversation after the fact. Chatter in our head that sounds something like, “When I said this, she probably thought that.”  “Now she probably thinks this.”  “Maybe I should say something to fix it but then she might think I’m a crazy over analyzer.”  “Oh good grief why did I say that?”

Do you know what I’m talking about?

If you don’t then throw you hands in the air and praise God right now that you don’t struggle with the inside chatter.

But if you do know what I’m talking about, exhale with relief you’re not alone.

Last week I had a funny conversation with one of my (in)Courage sisters.  She and I were on a little writer’s retreat planning the inRL event coming this spring.

She admitted she’d been having inside chatter about something she’d said to me the night before.  She went to bed kicking herself for saying something she felt was dumb and was certain I thought she was a bit wacky.

I absolutely didn’t go to bed thinking she was wacky.  Quite the opposite.  I went to bed thinking she is one of the cutest, nicest people I know.

Friendships are like plowed open fields ready for growth.

What we plant is what will grow.

If we plant seeds of reassurance and blessing and love- a great harvest of security will be reaped.

Of course, if we plant seeds of back-biting and questioning and doubt – a great harvest of insecurity will be reaped.

Indeed, today is a great day to call a friend and say, “I love you. That’s all I’m thinking.  Period.”

“Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy.  Then it was said among the nations, ‘The Lord has done great things for them.’  The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy,”  (Psalm 126: 2-3).


  1. Melanie C. says

    My Word!!!! Sometimes I think you see right into my day and what I am struggling with….God is so good to have brought me in the path of your blog. You know as I read this I so desperately want a friend to do this for me because this is something I fret about all the time. I have even made a list of people who I want to send it to so they can get the idea:-) But as I read this I was also convicted of the people in my life I need to say this to. Thanks for all the encouragement and motivation to not stay where I am but to always be open and honest to things that I need to tweak within myself!

    Appreciate your words more then you could know!