In light of the message I gave this past weekend at Elevation Church, I’m reposting this from a year ago. Let’s dialogue today about how we can remember our reactions determine our reach- even in the everyday moments of life.
Like Pastor Steven says at the end of my message, it’s all about making that next step of progress. I can’t wait to hear your thoughts and advice today.
I once had a toy car that had a twist knob on it’s bumper. With each twist the tension inside the car ratcheted higher and higher so by the time I released it on the floor, the car went buzzerk. It shot across the floor with no regard to anything in its path. It jammed into things only to reverse its direction and ram into something else. Nothing stood a chance in its wake until the tension knob inside untwisted completely and the car slowed to a halt.
Sometimes I feel like I have that same kind of twist knob inside my heart. I let things build inside until I’ve been twisted one to many times and then wham! Off I go in an emotional fit with no regard to anything in my path.
You won’t see this in me because I’m good at managing this with the world at large. And even if you do some things that twist my knob three or four times, I’ll probably just have a simple conversation with you where things can get cleared up. And if they don’t clear up, then I’ll reason we’re too different to be in close community and I’ll just quietly distance myself from you while the churning emotions subside.
All of this is totally hypothetical because you know of course this would never happen to you and me.
But it does happen with those I live with on a daily basis.
Take my amazingly handsome, chicken flipping, pick up truck driving, patient beyond measure husband. We try to have a date night every Sunday. This worked without a hitch until I started doing a special diet plan over a year ago that required me to be done eating each night by 7pm. This meant we’d have to start our date each Sunday a little earlier than normal to accommodate my new eating schedule.
But things kept interrupting that plan.
Art’s workout on Sunday afternoon would run a little long- twist.
Someone needed to be driven to a last minute youth group event- twist.
Art had something he had to do for church and he was running late- twist.
The playoffs were on and they went into overtime- twist.
These things kept twisting every Sunday until one afternoon all that tension let loose in a fit of frustration and disappointment. “You always make us late! Date nights aren’t important to you anymore! Why don’t you treasure our time together anymore?! I’m starting to wonder if you still love me! ”
Lovely.
I can’t think of a more endearing conversation to have right before a date. Sigh.
And because Art hadn’t been aware of my mounting frustration, my run away response seemed to come completely out of left field. One minute he’s watching the game in overtime about to take his wife on a date and the next his wife is zipping around the room accusing him of not loving her anymore. Hunh???
It seems so silly to me now. But at the time, my ratcheted up feelings had truly hushed any and every logical thought. Suddenly, I’d reached a tipping point where it was no longer just about running late for our date, it was a marriage defining moment of epic proportions.
Do you ever struggle with this? What causes your tension knob to twist, twist, twist? Have you found any simple, practical strategies for releasing the tension of the twisty knob before it sends our emotions ramming and jamming into those closest to us?
I can connect with you thought I have learned that disappointments caused by twists in our lives are God’s way of molding us and teaching us to see His purpose.
You are so on the funny button today. My husband and I just scheduled a date nite for the first time in months that wasn’t supposed to get canceled. He is the one to provide for our family, so canceling to work over time is the norm. I thought for sure this time we would make it. So the dissapointment was prearranged emotionally. Got to love hormones…. well his parents decided to drop by on way home from Chicago to Tampa. Alright then they can have grandchild time instead of the babysitter…. HALT, He doesn’t want to miss anytime with his aging parents. Alright disappointment but ok with it, I would do the same. ACT 2 (3 hours later)….he gets an overtime phone call and he accepts it. Out of no where my reactions melt and now I’m hurt and didn’t shut my mouth. I drift midsentence, walk away and say a quiet prayer. He needs time to reflect too, right? Once again making the dollar (that can’t go to the grave but allows me to be available to our 4yr old and 7yr old) wins……uuugggghhhhhh. Sometimes they just don’t get it….
Flip side…. I couldn’t pray for a better father for our children, husband or son to love little old me
I want to say Thank you Lysa for speaking at Elevation Church on Sunday. I really felt like the devil was working against me that morning and was actually running late. As a single mom at the age of 33 and having two beautiful children 7 and 4 and work full time with a stressful job and just recently found out I have ADD/AHAD I seem to keep stress in my life. I have to say you kept my attention and made a lot of people including myself cry of the touching stories you told. How your husband came home to tell you that he lost it all due to the stock market and how your reaction was toward him and what you said to him, hearing of the story you praying over the grandmother who lost her to grandchildren, and how you adopted two wonderful boys. That Sunday I ended up buying 3 of your books – What Happens When Women Say Yes To God, Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl, and Made to Crave. Honestly, I didn’t have the money for it and really wasn’t sure about getting What Happens When Women Say Yes To God that I just felt like I was overwhelmed and had to get out of there to get my kids. I honestly didn’t know which book to start with so I started with Becoming MoreThan a Good Bible Study Girl – let me just say WOW. I have cried and can related that I felt like you were telling my story. I lost a mother at the age of 5 and my dad remarried when I was 6 or 7. I longed for the love from my father but he was still so heart broken and had to travel a lot. I had a step mother who beated me through out my life and kicked me out at the age of 17 while my father did nothing due to them having a child together and she threated to take off with my half brother. I was never popular in school and the bucked teeth, the frizzy hair, and wore glasses and never had any friends. So when I got a little older and braces came off instead of this quite girl turned into a partying girl who then turned to men for that loving feeling and only got heartache in return. I had a marriage that fell apart before our son was even born. To this day I still have that emptiness feeling and have no clue what my purpose here on Earth. As today I am watching my 7 year old daughter following my footsteps looking for that longing feeling of love from male figure. Her father remarried and now her and her brother as while as a step sibling have to share their time with him. I’m not perfect by any means and don’t have the clue to how to raise my kids or have that bonding feeling but all I can do is take step by step and I pray and hope I can like you find my purpose in life and fill that emptiness with God’s love and be truly happy with myself and my kids. Thank you for writing a book Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl and opening up to the world of your past and showing everyone that no one is perfect and giving me a chance to fight and over come my depression and want to be on this Earth to see my children grow up and be apart of their lives no matter how I’m struggling. Thank you!
My 14 year old son can TWIST my knob like no one else!!!
Please take out the trash (I’ve asked you 3x already)…Twist
Why are you studying for your Alegbra test NOW on the drive to school…Twist
Can you please fill out this permission slip I need it today (we are driving to school!)
On and on and on……until finally I explode..
I think most of my conversations with him start with “how many times have I told you….”
What makes it sadder is I’m a teacher and my students can be doing many of the same things my son does and I have all the patience in the world for them. I can’t figure it out, but it’s something I’m definitely praying about and trying to work on….
Then there are some people family, friends, co-workers that I know get me all twisted up so I try to avoid them as much as possible probably not the best solution, but the alternative is drinking a lot of Pepto…
THANK YOU for posting this..I feel like a horrible person when I get twisted up….thanks for the amazing words
You did an awesome job describing what we all go through! I think we have all been there Lysa. Sigh …
Lysa, I have SO enjoyed your encouraging, uplifting messages. I keep each one. Its amazingly funny how God works. I should have re-read this one Friday night. I wouldnt have spent the last 2 days sulking and mad.
I had originally gotten on here looking for a new post. When I didnt see one in my inbox I clicked on this message to see if there had been any posts since this one, when God whispered ‘THIS is the one you need, today’.
THANK YOU! for letting God use you to help others. I LOVE your messages and just wanted to send a shout out to Thank you for being such a good and faithful servant. Lifting you up in prayer.
Time pressure (with job, home, church responsibilities) and a husband who’s not good with the remote! When he calls me at work because he can’t get the satalite dish to work, I get so frustrated and tend to spout not so nice words! I also get cranky when I’m too stressed feeling like I just can’t keep up!!!
Thanks for your article!
To Melissa E…thank you for these words: “God’s love is SUFFICIENT”!!!! I too often get focused on rec’ing love from others, esp. my husband…unfortunately people make mistakes and fail me- as I also do! My husband also had an affair. I can relate to the panic attacks and anxiety. I thank God, that with some lengthy counselling and some really BIG (God gifted) faith, we are one the mend. My one word has been TRUST…when I begin to have feelings of hurt, resentment, unforgiveness, anger…I remember that I can trust God- His plan is PERFECT! And so, I will be joyful in my sufferings because of the hope I have in His will for my life and our marriage.
God bless you Melissa as you continue to seek and follow Him…and thank you Lysa for this reminder today
Thank you so much for your articles. I just recently “stumbled” onto them. No coincidence in God’s world. Our oldest of 5 children just decided to pack and leave and it has gone downhill from there. Reading your articles has helped when I feel like I can’t go on. God bless you for being willing to open your heart up to the women who read these. One step at a time…remembering to TRUST God and not react.