On yesterday’s ‘And then some’ post, Tina commented, “PLEASE ooohhh please share with us “how” you are doing this daily. I am fascinated with the idea but confounded with the “how”!”
I too, Tina, am confounded with the how.
And there in lies the reverent walk to Easter. The walk of discovering the how.
I wrote the post at 9am setting out on a great “and then some” adventure. By 4pm that very day, I am red faced with a racing pulse and frustrated heart. I feel disrespected by a child who needs to see her mama model “and then some.”
Instead, I yell.
Oh, the great intentions of the heart are so frustrated by the frail reality of our humanness.
In that moment I yelled, I chastised myself for being so far from God’s standard of gentleness and patience and long-suffering love. I felt weak. I felt the sting of failure.
And isn’t that the perfect time to practice “and then some.” Admit my failure but refuse to wallow in it.
Deal with the issue but not heap shame on the offender.
Rush to the throne of grace and ask for words, words, words beyond what I’m capable of in that moment.
My flesh screams to send the child to her room for the rest of her life. (I’m nothing if not dramatic.) Yet, “and then some” says pick up the pieces of a wasted, angry afternoon and take the child on a date. Set the computer aside, set the demands aside, set the world’s expectations aside and infuse bad with good.
“And then some” isn’t wrapped up so much in what I’m going to do, but rather how I want to be. It’s not saying I need to add more to my already too long to do list. It’s saying, “Lord, help me to be more… with you, in you, like you, because of you.”
Help me to walk toward the cross this year carrying my depravity that needs to die there.
But even more so, help me keep my eyes focused on the tomb, where hope rises and victory prevails.
Sweet Tina… I don’t know how. None of us really do. But the beauty of Jesus is that He never asks us to figure all of life out. He simply says, follow Him. Follow Him in this minute and the next and the next.
So, step by imperfect step, I do. All the while whispering, I want so much more with you Jesus… help me unravel the great mystery of being so very human with a soul that cries for more and more “and then some.”