Lysa TerKeurst | 2011 January

Monday, January 31

Affair proof your mind

A special welcome to my P31 devotion friends. I’m glad you’re here. I’m giving away a special “affair proof your marriage kit” today which includes three of my books: Capture His Heart, Capture Her Heart, and Made to Crave.

Just click on the word ‘comments’ below and follow the prompts. I’ll be picking one commenter to win!

Also, be sure to tune into tonight’s FREE “Made to Crave” webcast where you’ll learn the most important spiritual weapon to use in times of temptation. You don’t want to miss this LIVE at 8pm EST tonight. For more information, click here.

As a woman thinks… so she eventually acts.

Our thoughts are so powerful. If we want to affair proof our marriages, we must make our thoughts work for us instead of against us.

A few years ago I watched a friend get tangled up in an emotional affair.

She was a strong Christian woman who loved her family but the attraction to this other man seemed unavoidable. She tried to talk herself out of it but her heart played tricks on her mind and the justifications for letting things go just a little further soon led her to a very dangerous place. She was becoming emotionally attached to this other man.

In a moment of desperation and fear, she confided in me what was going on.

As she described how she got pulled into this place, I found myself being challenged by the realization of how subtly this had happened. She hadn’t planned on being emotionally attracted to this other man. As a matter of fact, she’d always prided herself on being a woman of strong conviction and had scoffed at the idea of ever being tempted to have an affair.

It starts off simple enough- a comment made that you mull over one too many times, a conversation in which you find a surprising connection, a glance that lingers just a second too long, or one of a thousand other interactions that seem innocent yet aren’t. These are the dangerous seeds that can easily sprout into an emotional affair.

Some think it is a safe way to enjoy the lure of being attracted to someone other than your spouse without crossing any lines. But God boldly and plainly says in 1 Corinthians 6:18, “Flee from sexual immorality.” God doesn’t say walk away from sexual immorality. No, He says to flee as if your very life is at stake!

The time to prevent an emotional affair is before it ever starts.

I must never rest on my spiritual laurels and say that it could never happen to me. We are all just a few poor choices away from doing things we never thought we would. I minute I think it could never happen to me is the moment I become a prime target for Satan.

Jesus warned his disciples in Matthew 26: 41,”Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.”

The Life Application NIV Bible commentary says, “Jesus used Peter’s drowsiness to warn him about the kinds of temptation he would soon face. The way to overcome temptation is to keep watch and pray. Watching means being aware of the possibilities of temptation, sensitive to the subtleties, and spiritually equipped to fight it.”

Watching:

I now realize that I need to be aware that I am just as prone to this temptation as anyone. One of the best was to be watchful is to be praying with and for my husband. We need to be open and honest about meeting each other’s needs and investing wisely in our marriage. If we get into a rough place, we need to be willing to get help. I love the quote, “If you are busy rowing the boat, you won’t have time to rock it.” The more my husband and I are taking care of each other, the less attractive temptations will seem.

Sensitive to the Subtleties:

I will have to be honest with myself that temptations do exist. When another man says or does something I wish my husband would say or do and doesn’t, it can make me lessen my husband in my heart and build up this other man. This is a seed of poison. If watered and fed, this seed will sprout and spread and devastate. Seeds seem so small until you realize that within them they contain the potential to become huge. So, I will be steadfast to keep the fertile ground of my heart pure.

Spiritually Equipped:

Philippians 4:8 reminds us, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” I must park my mind with the truth and the truth is I am married to an amazing man. He is not perfect and sometimes our marriage can be hard but I made a commitment to Him in a covenant before God and there are no Biblical reasons in our marriage why we should ever part. Therefore, I’ve made the decision not to part in big ways or small.

My friend did the hardest but wisest thing she could have done in telling me about her emotional affair. It helped her to see she needed to flee and have someone else hold her accountable. But it also helped me. Her admission made me aware and alert to the dangers lurking in any kind of unhealthy emotional connection with another man.

Dear Lord, may I forever treasure my marriage and see it worthy to be protected. Help me to be a courageous woman who absolutely flees from any and every situation where there is even a hint of danger. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Hackers, Heaven, and Hairdos

Oh sweet sisters,

I am guest posting over at (in)courage today, but first…

Thank you for your patience with my blog the past couple of days. My blog has been hacked into about 6 times this week and caused me to ask Jesus to reign down heaven’s fire into the some rude people’s fingertips. Or let them get their nails done like I did last week. Remember this post? That would stop them for sure.But God.

Anyhow, please forgive me for any trouble this caused you. I have always loved this safe little corner of the blog world where we gather and process life together. When the hackers came, it stunned me. I felt like my heart was being drug behind a wild run away horse with no clue when it would ever stop.

I cried. And I’m not a crying girl.

I even tried my hand at casting out demons. And I’m not typically a casting out kind of girl.

It got especially intense when the hacker’s work squirreled its way into my computer and caused it to crash.

More tears. And I’m not a ‘more tears’ kind of girl. I don’t even have PMS right now for heaven’s sake.

I so wished we all lived on the same street so I could knock on your door and ask you to sit and pray with me.

It has been rough.

I love those two words together.

You see while there have been some low lows this week, there has also been an air of mercy winding its way around me. I flew to Houston to do some radio things with KSBJ and their amazing team. I love the people at KSBJ!

Anyhow, I also got to have lunch with my precious friend, Amanda.

I have put in a special request for Amanda to live on the same street in Heaven as me and Holly. And you. And Mandisa.

Amanda and I had some sweet conversation. And amazing Texas food. And then we went to hear her mom teach a message that split heaven’s mercy gates open and reigned down some Jesus love right into this tired girl’s heart.

I will forever be grateful for her mom introducing me to the concept that ordinary people can read and understand the Bible. And y’all want to hear a secret I only share with my bestest of friends?

When I walked into my first ever Bible study for women, I had the worst attitude ever. We would be watching a video and doing a workbook. I planned to drop out. Broken people are so splintered and rubbed raw that they doubt God’s truth could ever apply to them. That was me. Only I didn’t drop out.

I stayed and connected with Jesus in a way I never knew was possible for me.

And do you know what made me stay and show up that second week?

The video Bible teacher’s hair.

I’m serious. I loved her ‘do’ so much, I decided to listen.

And when I listened, Jesus Himself reached into my soul and whispered hope. By the end of the twelve weeks, I dared to wish I could one day teach people too. Me. The most unlikely.

So, you can just imagine how stunned I was to crawl in bed last night and read this.

I cried again. Over her kind words. Over the fact she would ever want to read something I’ve written. And over the fact I still love her hair.

Oh friend, may God wrap you up in His most tender mercies. I don’t know what has hacked into your truth this week and tried to splinter your heart, but I pray these words fall fresh and full of hope.

Chasing love

A few years ago, I sat with a beautiful young woman and watched the tears stream down her face. Six months before our meeting, her world was filled with so much. A loving husband, a healthy toddler, fun friends, and a new starter home that her mom helped her decorate.

Life was full.

But some part of her heart still felt restless, unsettled, a little empty. She couldn’t put her finger on it. She tried talking to some of her friends but they laughed it off as something related to hormones that would pass.

Only the feeling didn’t pass.

She started to feel detached from her husband and disappointed that his love didn’t fulfill her. Why couldn’t he make her feel loved? She’d always thought of marriage as the ultimate love. He was going to be the one to right her wrongs, fill up her insecurities and give her a lasting feeling of love, or so she thought.

Questions bombarded her constantly… What is wrong with him? Why didn’t he say what he’s supposed to say? Maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m not pretty enough, witty enough, good enough?

Then one day she met a man that said things she’d longed to hear her husband say. He made her feel pretty and witty. Soon, she rationalized that she’d never really loved her husband in the first place. She’d made a mistake marrying so young. This new man was her true soul mate.

She fell into his arms. A web of lies was spun. The thrill of new romance clouded her every decision.

She had not wanted to come to the women’s retreat. She knew it might make her feel guilty and she was past any guilty feelings. She was just waiting for the right time to leave her husband and start over with the real love of her life.

But her friends had started to grow suspicious of her pulling back from so many church activities. So, to appease them, she went.

Over the course of the weekend, the walls she’d so carefully constructed to keep everyone at a distance and her secret safe started to crumble. By Saturday night, she sat down with me and confessed her secret.

She desperately wanted to know how I felt so full of God’s love. She’d never known that kind of relationship with God. She was now convinced it wasn’t the love of another man her heart craved, it was the love of God.

I think this is true of many people. We spend years chasing things in this world that we think will make us feel loved.

But everything this world has to offer is temporary. Everything. The kind of love our souls crave is lasting, eternal. And only God can fill up our hearts with that kind of love.

The sad thing about chasing love outside the will of God is it invites so much into our lives that is the exact opposite of love. 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 is a picture of God’s perfect love. It is patient. It is kind. It does not envy… it is not self-seeking… it does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth… it always protects… it always perseveres. Love never fails.

This is not a description of what is inherently ours when we fall in love with another person. It is a description of God’s love.

This kind of love can be ours as we become more Christ like and decide to give this kind of love. It is never focused inwardly. It is never about what I’m going to get from another person. It is deciding this is the kind of love I will give away.

The things we chase in this world are so opposite from God’s love. False attempts at love will make us impatient, unkind, envious, self-seeking, resistant to the truth, reckless and temporary.

I am challenged by this. Because our souls were designed for God’s fulfilling love, if we aren’t staying closely connected to Him everyday, our hearts will start to feel empty. Restless. Unfulfilled.

Let us never get to the place where we think we are strong enough to not be tempted in this way. If we are all completely honest, we are only a few bad decisions away from the same kind of mess my sweet friend is now trying to untangle herself from. While I have complete hope in God’s ability to restore her, the consequences of her chase for love will be severe on many levels.

Oh sweet friends, can we make a commitment together today? Can we commit to be women who recognize how crafty Satan can be and how vulnerable we are when it comes to our need for love?

And if something or somebody in this world seems appealing enough to draw our hearts away from the truth of God, we commit to being women who will readily admit it to another godly woman and ask for help.

The kind of love our souls crave will never be found in the things of this world. The only lasting and perfectly satisfying love will only be found when we stop chasing and start living out the truths of God.

_____________

And speaking of women’s conferences, if you live near Hattiesburg, MS, I would be so honored to meet you at Temple Baptist Church! I will be speaking there on January 28-29. Please click here and here for more info!

Don’t forget about the Made to Crave webcast re-airs today at 12noon, 3pm, 8pm, and 10pm EST. Go to www.madetocrave.org.