We moms should never build the stability of our identity on the fragility of our kid’s choices.
Let me say it again just so this crucial truth can sink in a little deeper. I’m repeating it for no other reason, sweet sister, than the fact I need this message. So, forgive me if the blog on this Monday preaches a message only to myself.
We moms should never build the stability of our identity on the fragility of our kid’s choices.
I’ve got 5 amazing kids. I really do. They are wildly funny, imaginative, moody, opinionated, strong, weak, happy, sad, good and sometimes not so good. In other words they’re pretty normal. And while I’ve done everything in my power to raise them to turn out amazingly awesome- and they very well might turn out amazingly awesome- there aren’t any guarantees.
Sometimes bad parents raise terrific kids.
And sometimes terrific parents raise kids that chase bad things their whole life.
So, what’s a mama to do?
Embrace the process. Learn from the process. Let God speak to us during the process. And see the process of raising kids as an on going opportunity to invest beyond ourselves.
We get to love our kids like crazy. Pray for them faithfully. Talk to them regularly. Listen to them tenderly. Model honesty and integrity. And point them to Jesus at every turn.
We get to do all that.
And tucked within these privileges is the reward. As long as I look for the reward within the process, I won’t misplace my expectations. I have to rest in the assurance that God sees everything I invest in these kids.
And He will use every step of this process for good. Good for me. And somehow good for them. It will be good. But this process won’t always make me feel good or look good.
If I always expect my kids to make me feel good or look good, I am setting us all up for failure. My kids were never meant to carry the weight of a mama’s need for validation. I can’t let their failures send me to bed. And I can’t wear their successes like mommy medals of honor.
Motherhood is tough you know?
It really is.
However, it’s also our only opportunity to reach into the generations to come and make a difference. So, an imperfect but wonderful difference I will make.
Like Nelson Mandela recently expressed in a reluctant interview, “I never was a saint. I’m just a sinner who keeps on trying.”
Isn’t that a great description of all us mamas?
Tell you what, you make a point to reach out and encourage a fellow mom today and so will I. Leave a comment below bragging on a fellow mom friend who you know could use some encouragement right now. Then invite your friend to come over and find your encouragement in the comments.
And in doing so, maybe we’ll all help to lighten the mother load.
I sooooo needed this today! Tell your mom God had you write it just for me, has nothing to do with YOUR kids. HA HA Thanks for this, really spoke volumes to my heart!
We are called to be faithful to our calling. To love and mother our children well but point them to The One who loves them even more than we do. I am so thankful for my Mom (who will be 70 in a few days). She has overcome so many obstacles personally (extremely dysfunctional family, bipolar diagnosis, addiction, etc.) and still brought us up to know Jesus and to face our own issues without shame. I am so proud of her!!! She is my inspiration and encouragement and living proof that even failure is not final. God’s tapestry is so much richer and much more beautiful than we can ever imagine!
Thank you Lisa, for reminding me that who we are in Christ is what we build our identity on….and our children are work in progress and God is in control!
Lysa, I needed to hear this so badly. I’ve prayed and cried all morning over my expectations for my boy’s grades in school. Somehow, over the last 7 years of motherhood, I’ve misplaced my identity to their “performance” in school. My assumption is that if I stay at home, volunteer in their school, assist with homework, tutor as needed, and pray with them nightly, worship on Sunday….Then I must be doing a great job, and then the bad grades come home, and I collapse from exhaustion. School was so rewarding for me, and I’ve prayed the same for my boys. It pains me deeply to see them do poorly in school, especially from carelessness, knowing they could do better. Then if they forget to write down their homework or bring home the appropriate materials for homework, makes me “snap”, and my first reactions is “What am I doing wrong???” This, school/grades/EOGs is a vicious cycle for me, the thorn in my side. I do find it interesting that today is Wednesday, and God led me to your Monday blog….upon my first visit here! Thank you Lysa for preaching to yourself….and to me ; )
Wow! So well said and always a good reminder for me. Thanks so much~
I think I need to read this EVERY DAY. My beautiful adult daughter, who supposedly made a profession to Christ as a young child, has chosen the homosexual lifestyle and has subsequently abandoned every belief that she used to claim.
This was meant for me today. I struggle with situations with adult sons – some choice issues and some situations not of their choice – and truly want things to be “good” for them. God is in control, and He loves those two boys even more than I do! I thank Him each day for a godly, kind, loving mom who I now realize must have stayed on her knees more than she would have liked raising me! Next week will be the 6th anniversary of her “homegoing” but we now have the joy of a beautiful granddaughter who will be 2 years old on that same day! God is good – all the time!
I am so proud of my friend Marcella who is mothering twin little girls and has another baby due any day!
Erin, I am so proud of you for your perseverance in these tough newborn days. The tenderness with which you love your kids is inspiring to me.
Bethany, you work so hard for your family and to help so many other people. You are amazing!
Kelly
I wanna say to all the single moms I know..great job girls..The road we trod is tough and our mountains are big but God is BIGGER!!!
I needed to read this today… I am a mother to be, and because I work in a high school and try to help my kids students make good choices everyday, I worry about this. I see the love and effort my coworkers and I pour into students, which at times might overwhelm you. It hurts so much when you see them make poor choices or when bad things happen to them… it also sends a surge of pride when they do something wonderful. It’s such a roller coaster, but one I love so much. It’s hard not to take some aspect of their successes and failures personal.
I am just hoping that I can be the same with my daughter as she grows, and not allow her actions to define me as a person. I have 7 weeks to go, and while I’m not scared, I am worried about doing everything well.
LOVE these reminders and encouragement….our kids are made in the image of God, and they have choicer to make. May they make the choices that bring LIFE. oxox
What a great message!
“Motherhood is about accepting an invitation of time and energy which stretches beyond you even though sometimes it feels like they could consume you. Search for and hold onto your true self. To lose that, what kind of mother can you be?
Things are always changing no matter how much we might want things to stay the same. You could take a picture of your kids every single day, and every single day they would just be getting older. That’s a fact, a heart-breaking fact, it’s still a fact. So seize your days and dwell in them fully. Look to your children because they know how to inhabit brief periods of time with extreme passion. And for nothing more than the sake of those moments. They can help you remember that. If you only slow down and let them. Feel fortunate because chances are good that you actually might be!
I am a stepmom-to-be. I have an 18 year old stepson, a 16 year old stepson, and a 2 year old stepdaughter, and boy is it hard not to take successes and failures personal. The age differences between them are vast, so getting the family together to enjoy each other is tough.
God blesses those who show gratitude for the things in life, and as women we must keep that grateful mind in check and embrace a joyful heart! We must know joy to give it. I am giving a big shout out of pure honor to MOMS all around the world! You are loved more than you know… <3
I love how my kids remind me to be humble. Not too long ago, my daughter overheard me saying something that wasn’t very nice about someone who has never been kind to me. My wise, little 7 yr. old promptly told me, “Mom, that wasn’t very nice of you. Even if she is mean to you, you are supposed to love her because Jesus loves all of us even when we are mean. And Mom, all of us have mean days too. ” Yep, she was right. We all have days when we are a little prickly and isn’t that what we would want? To still be loved despite our bad mood? Maybe this person has never been loved enough in her life and finds it easier to be unkind. Maybe she needs a kind word or two. Maybe I should keep my mouth shut and spend more time loving others instead of worrying about why someone doesn’t like me. Maybe I should listen to my daughter. Just maybe my 7 yr. old is building a strong foundation in Christ that will carry her through the many difficult years to come. Praise God! I don’t want to see my child get hurt by the “mean girls” but more importantly, I don’t want her to be one.
WOW. Thanks to a friend on FB for pointing this out to me. I really needed to read this after a tough night with the teenager I have. I think I will have to print this one out and read it daily. Thanks for sharing this!
My best friend Kelly is such an inspiration to me as a mom. Her gentleness is so evident and her children are blessed to have her for a mother. She is a work in progress and I am blessed to have the honor of witnessing God’s miraculous work in her life as she humbles herself and presses into Jesus everyday. Praise God for his faithfulness!
Last night my daughter proved, once again, that she cannot be trusted. And, oh how I wanted to trust her! Maybe I need to spend more time trusting God for her and less time trusting her in her frail, human, state of puberty. I’ll work on that one today!
Thank you for reminding me and other Moms that we are human and we need a lot of help from our Savior! Good words of wisdom.