I used to think it was stressful having small children. The bathing, changing, whining, crying, feeding and cleaning up little people’s messes all day would wear me to a frazzle sometimes. I naively would throw myself into bed and think, “when they are older this will be so much easier.”
Have you ever wanted to travel back in time and shake yourself? I would say slap yourself but let’s not get physically aggressive.
On second hand, yes let’s. It’s not that I would full out slap myself but some forceful taps on either side of my cheek would have been in order.
For as your children grow, a transition happens. You trade physical exhaustion for mental exhaustion. Now hear my heart, I’m not trying to pull an Eeyore today and get all down.
Y’all know I love my children with every fiber of my being. I thank God for the incredible honor of having people who call me mom. I dig investing and giving and shepherding these amazing future leaders. And I take it very seriously.
After all they will one day get the privilege of caring for me when I’m old. And, I am going to be a feisty old thing. Can anyone say payback! I laugh when I think about it. But that is a topic for another day.
Back to the shift to mental exhaustion. I am as confident as I can be that I have invested wisely in the nurturing of my children. I haven’t been perfect but then again none of us have. So, I’m not tired from wishing I would have done more. It’s something else.
As the leash of freedom extends with each passing year, I realize how their choices are their own. And I can’t build the security of my identity as a mom on the fragility of young people’s choices. I have to build the security of my identity as a mom on prayer.
So, intertwined in my situational prayers for them I have three fundamental prayers I always try to include:
1. God, make this child one of the most godly people of their generation.
2. God, let them get caught when they make wrong choices.
3. God, save them from the wrong friends and the wrong mate, so they may be saved for the right friends and the right mate.
And then I ask God for the courage to let Him write my kid’s testimonies.
Simple. Necessary. A bit scary sometimes. But so completely comforting. And one of the best remedies to help ease the mental exhaustion all of us mommies feel at times.
What do you pray over your children?
Honestly, I wouldn’t go back. I love having teenagers. I wish I could stop time NOW.
I love your prayers, Lysa. Those are good ones I may just have to borrow sometime. My main prayer for my girls is that
1. They would love Jesus with their whole heart.
2. That they would follow Him every day of their lives.
3. That God would preserve just one godly man for each of them.
Oh Lysa how inadequate I feel- i identify with the mentally & physically exhausted as im in the toddler phase, nearly all my prayers are desperate pleas for their health (in a season of serious illness) and safety others are for help on how to parent or for them (13 & 3) to BE GOOD!!! Oh dear – thank you for this reminder of the big picture and that life comes back with sleep & coffee!! I’m excited for my prayertime for my children now
Prayers & hugs
C
I’m so gratefull, Lori, that you are brave and dear to say that feel as unspiritual. At the moment I do, too. Even if I am a minister and should “know better”. I am a single mom of 3 and my prayer mostly is about time and guidance. I now that when we are open to others they will pray for us. Please, help me to pray in a way that the words I use is the one the Lord want me to say and not the one of my despair.
Hi Lysa,
I really love receiving your blog each day. I love knowing that you and so many others are singing from the same hymn sheet!! I too am so often mentally and physically shattered and exhausted raising four fabulous but full on children. Some days the thought of getting up and doing another day is overwhelming. I am so desperate to bring my children up to know and love Jesus and it is a real exercise of faith to keep trusting that He will bring to completion that which He has begun. Thank you for sharing your heart with me every day. I really apprecaite all that you do.
With love,
Rachel.
Lysa,
Please pray about a decision I must make, if it is the right one to leave the state I live in to another with my fiance of eight years(planning to marry). My only family is where I currently live, but I need a change in my life –people, places and things. I have made decisions in the past, with prayer and not worked out in my favor, so I am asking for a little extra prayer for me to really see signs from God what is the right decision. Thank you
Dear dear Lysa, thank you for being willing to pray. I’d love for you to pray for my marriage, that I will bring words and actions of love to my husband today and each day, and that we will have greater heart connections with each other. Bless you, sweet friend!
My prayer for my son over many years (he is 23 now) is that he may “increase in wisdom and stature and in favour with God and man.”
At least part of this prayer has been answered as he is well over 6 foot!
For all moms hectic with young kids; they DO grow up fast – enjoy them with you while you can and knowing they are safely under your roof when you go to bed at night. My two daughters live half way around the world. I am blessed that they are living close to the Lord.
Eva
Dear Lysa,
I believe you wrote yesterday’s and today’s “posts” for me. It’s so easy to say a “little something” that can cause a sting to your husband. I have a great husband and marriage but I, too need to guard my mouth at times for little things can slip out. I also pray daily for my grown 20-something children. Especially for the “right mate” and that the Lord will constantly draw them close to Him.
Thank you for writng these posts…you took the words right from my heart.
Sally
I really appreciate the points you listed. I pray my kids will follow the Lord. That their eyes would be opened to the truth and walk in it. I pray for their friendships and future mates. I pray they would stand against temptation and not give into it. When my children were young and I was going through a valley I clung to The Power of a Praying Parent book by Stormie Omartian. I am still confident the Lord cares for my teenage children more than I do. So thankful He hears and answers prayer.
Thanks for the article about friends. This is my #1 petition right now. I am trusting the Lord for a major breakthrough in this area so that I can have Godly, fruitful,transparent, relationships with Godly women (and (prayerfully) with a husband God will provide for me. I appreciate your prayers.
We are doing kingdom work and no less–a true and glorious reason to be exhausted! Building up strong Christian homes is a sacred calling, one that I take seriously and exhort others to as well. Great post and thanks for sharing. You might want to come visit my blog that encourages mothers and wives here:
http://www.proverbs14verse1.blogspot.com/
I have a five year old boy and a newborn baby girl, born on September 11th. This time is a lot harder around since my son doesn’t nap anymore. I love my children, but it is hard to keep going on little sleep every day. Right now my husband is working long days- at least 12 hours. They are very busy at his work right now. I get up with the baby and the older child so he can get sleep with his long work days. I will try my best to have my words be pleasing to my family today. Thanks for your encouragement and prayers Lysa!
One prayer I’ve always prayed since my son accepted the Lord, is that he will never turn away. Sadly I’ve watched as a family member, so on fire for the Lord in younger years, has turned their back on Him and walked away. There are no guarantees and my prayer is that my son will keep his spiritual fervor, serving and following the Lord. (Romans 12:11)
So thankful I can turn to my Heavenly Father when mommy exhaustion overwhelms,
Joy
Thank you so much for that post. I will admit I have been a mentally exhausted mom lately. Thinking that now that they are older(21,18,17,7) I thought it would be easier. This is the more exhausting than chasing toddlers. I pray that they make good choices in everything they are faced with.
Thanks for sharing.
Lysa, Thank You for your inspired words. It helps to know that I am not alone in my worries. I am also reminded that “with God all things are possible”. I pray for the holy spirit to direct my daughter in her choices and that it convict her when needed to the point that she can not sleep. I pray that God would use my daughter in a mighty way and that she will be a light in the darkness. I also pray that our family would embrace character growth in the midst of today’s society. We need to pray for all of our young people — this world has many more challenges than I had to face at this age. Everyone reading this please pray for me and my family.
Some days when see my daughter dance around the house, I just pray God will keep her off the pole!
Just this morning I was praying about how to specifically pray for my children. I needed this. Thank you!
What a great post! I too, thought when my children were older, it would be much easier….not true! They are now 24 & 21. They have always been mature & had a good head on their shoulders. However, recently one has veered away & made poor choices regarding a relationship, which has turned them into a different person. My heart is broken. Many days I don’t feel I have the strength to pray or know what to pray, but I know God is faithful & knows my heart. My prayer is this child will be convicted to return to the way they were raised & to God, before it’s too late. I will rejoice on that day! I am thankful God is with me during this time of heartbreak for our family.
Boy, you hit the nail on the head with this one. I am a divorced mom of two precious girls (10 and 5) and I struggle with my role, as my heart is at home but I am physically at work. My girls are pretty responsible and can manage themselves in the small things. My 10 year old has decided to start with the pre-teen sass a little prematurely, in my opinion. So, there’s a tug-of-war going on between physical and mental exhaustion in my home right now. I don’t want my children to suffer too much the life they should have had in a 2-parent home, but I also don’t want them so overwhelmed with activities and busyness that they lose sight of what matters. Each night the three of us gather together on my bed, laughing, talking, tickling and then sharing in the most precious prayer time. I sometimes sit in amazement that God could have entrusted these amazing girls to ME! I feel so unworthy, yet so loved by my Heavenly Father at the same time. In those moments, I just know that His hand is on us and that no matter how much attitude I am getting from little miss pre-teen or how I feel hated by her at times, my confidence is in Christ and His ability to work through me as their mother. I have to trust that and be open to His admonition….otherwise, failure is imminent.
Oh another timely post. This has been very much on my mind lately. I love the part about asking God for the courage to let me, let him write my kid’s testimony. She is 22 and finally starting to mature and making responsible choices. She finally has a job and I pray daily that she won’t do something to screw it up. I pray for her safety. And I pray for God to take over for me (I too feel I screwed her up). I have to stop hovering and start letting God do the worrying for me.
I, too, always thought that life would be easier as my children grew older – they would be able to bathe themselves, feed themselves, dress themselves, etc. But as a single mother whose babies are now teenagers and soon to leave home, I wish I could turn back the clock. I would much rather worrying about the small stuff then wondering if they will return home safely. My dad always told me “When they are little, they will step on your toes. When they are older, they will step on your heart.” If only they were still stepping on my toes! I pray daily that I have instilled the Holy Trinity enough into their lives, that they make the right choices for themselves and that they will know how to rise after the fall!
Amen to Lisa D. It is so true It is so hard to watch them being hurt. My 29 year old is struggling over a failed marriage. He wants to go back to school, which he put onhold for her. Anyway, I am struggling with such anger at her. I am praying for all of us. It is truly so muche easier when they are little.
Thanks for the great website. I get great comfort and blessing from here
I always joke that my children were more independent when they were 2 and 3 year olds than they are in their early twenties. But, I do pray for them everyday with this prayer: Father, please bless (child’s name) in every aspect of their life; their health; their work; their relationship with their friends; their relationship with their family and their relationship to You. Let nothing and no one, including me, hinder your work. I ask this is Jesus name. Amen.
Thank you for your blogs, I really appreciate all your Godly advise and candite humor.
My prayer is that my son always remembers that God loves him even when the world is cruel and unloving. And I pray that my son remembers to turn his cares and worries over to Him, and that he makes choices that will glorify God.
How fragile indeed our children’s choices can be and sometimes they choose to leave home and enter the world of war. This mom’s heart is struggling with her son’s decision to enlist and set aside his initial college plans. My son’s boldness has brought out a fear in me that I did not know I held. My prayers are conflicted because I don’t know what lies ahead for my child or our family this year. But pray we do and always will for our first born already away from home and now our last, spreading his wings and getting ready to soar. I pray my identity as a mom and lover of Christ remains secure and steadfast as well as I continue to pray for my children
I continue to return to your post of how no matter what I may or may not do for my children as I try to nurture for their best interests, I am not more powerful than God so I can not thwart any plan He has for their lives. As I watch my 20 year old make choices I would like to take away from him like I could when he was five, I have a constant prayer that God continue to watch over him and increase my son’s discernment so his choices follow the path God has for him. I have mailed copies of that post to friends as well. I find much encouragement here. Bless you.
beautiful, this is speaking my language right now!
I can so relate to what you said Linda. I too struggle with anger over my son’s wife, only he’s still married to her. My son is soon to be 44. He’s been out of work for nearly 2 yrs. They have been together for 20 yrs. In all that time, she’s only cleaned their house maybe 2 times. She quarrels all the time and has to have her way or there’s heck to pay. They have had at least 10 cars during that time that she’s tore up. He stays behind in all his bills because she has to have things. Two of their children have left home because of her, with one 16 yr old still there who is so angry with his mom because she’s always quarreling. I have prayed for them for 20 yrs. I struggle with anger because of what she’s done to both of them. I pray that God will touch her heart and convict her and change her so that my family can have peace.
thank u for sharing the heart of a motherxxx
Oh wow. My babies are 6 and 4, boy and girl respectively. We pray together every night. It used to be a task just to remember and over God’s time
it became a part of our lives, and now every night they say pray over me mama. Even if they are picked up and placed in their beds after falling asleep on the couch with me, it’s pray for me mama. And my heart overflows…….
We have a “set” way we pray, haha! To say it as “set” means that my son, has a design we follow. It’s first now I lay me down to sleep, in the middle is Dear God, please bless …., and the end is now I lay me down to sleep. He says mama how many times did you say amen? It’s really funny and at the same time, just shows me how structured his little heart works, he’s quick to look at me with that um you forgot something look. In his prayer, we pray for him as a warrior for Christ, that he is a soldier for God, and that all bad dreams are cast as far as east is from west. He always, always becomes so calm and comforted, yet still strong. It’s amazing.
With my daughter, it’s the same prayer, just softer, yet more feminine, like speaking to a flower or a butterfly. Not that there’s anything less with my son, just she is the baby girl. HAHA! I remind her that she is God’s princess…..that she is beautiful, and how I thank God for bringing her in my life.
When I look at who I am, some how in those prayers, I feel it’s a reminder for me too, where each child that was entrusted to me, speak to my heart in the same but different ways. That I am a princess of my God, I’m beautiful, yet I am a warrior walking thru this world to something so much greater. And so, strength flows, and beauty flows, and this is God!
So now, thru these words you have shared, I now know more of a way to pray in my alone time. I was so confused on how do I pray for God’s mate, for His will, yet to be more specific for my children. Now, it’s clearer and I’m loving it! Thank you so much.
Thank you for sharing…I am in the beginning years with a 4 year old, 3 year old and a newborn that is 6 weeks old. I am so physically exhausted so I will make sure I don’t think it will ever be easier.
I am currently reading and praying through Stormie’s books : The Power of a Praying Parent and Wife.
You are so right -it just changes.
Right now I have a four week old infant and a fifteen year old rebellious teen. I’m just completely exhausted!!
Mine are 16, 17 & 21… We need to dispel the lie that says it will be easier “when they get older”.
It doesn’t!
It just gets different!
Mental exhaustion is an understatement. They are so much fun, but now that they are big I can’t control their comings and goings or send them to their room!
What’s a mom to do?!
The hardest and most consistent prayer I have ever prayed is “Whatever it takes, Lord.”
WHATEVER it takes – whatever heartache, consequence, trial, set-back, accident, motivation, loss, [fill in the blank] it takes for God to mold them into what He is calling them to be. And give me the courage to walk through it as it comes. That’s my biggy prayer. Their dad said to me once, “You don’t mean that…”
Oh yes I do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Because I know the God of the universe is more than capable and willing to wrangle their hearts the way He wrangled mine. The same God who got me where I am today is more than enough to steer their hearts toward Him.
They aren’t mine… so I have to choose to trust Him with them.
I have a 22, 19, and 16 year old. I myself always thought it would get easier as they got older. This is so not true. I find myself mentally exhausted some days and wanting to hide under the covers. I have amazing children, dont get me wrong. But somedays it can be overwhelming. God has worked with me over the past few years to let go and let Him be all my children need. It was not easy. But its getting better.
My daily prayer for my children is that God would use them in a mighty way for His kingdom, may their mouths only speak words that would uplift and edify not condemn or tear down, may their hands do His work and show love and comfort not pain or hate, may their minds be the minds of Christ, may they walk in the path of peace and righteousness, may they find Godly mates, may their adult homes be homes that one can find the love of Christ within their walls. May they have a hedge of protection around them daily. And may God expand their territory to reach those who do not know Him.
I have 7 children ages 16 down to 12 months…I get physically and mentally exhausted …react and then over-react and live with guilt….hard days but also many many good days!! I am trying , and I mean trying and learning , to live in the moment….because I know these moments are going by way to fast!!
I have 3 teenage boys and I completely understand the mental exhaustion. I also teach high school science so I work with teenagers all day long. The 2nd prayer really struck me…God let them get caught when they are doing wrong. Wow. That is a hard one and I have to tell you…not many parents can step back and let their teenagers suffer the consequences of doing wrong. Instead, they jump in and try to excuse the misdeeds or try to deflect the blame in another direction. For some reason, our generation of parents has a hard time accepting the fact that their child can and will make poor choices. They will go to great lengths to protect their child from the consequences of poor choices.
I pray that when my boys make mistakes that
”
1-I’ll deal with it appropriately and consistently (I have a tendency to go overboard…like “your grounded for the rest of your life and will be locked in your room for 2 weeks straight
2-I won’t give in to that gut instinct to try and make it all better or try to make it “disappear” because it is embarrassing and I’m fearful of what everyone might think about our family.
3-That I will wisely use the mistake and the subsequent consequences to point them back to God.
4- And ultimately…that they will know that I love them dearly but God loves them even more.
I agree with others when we say “it’ll get easier when they get older” is a true inaccuracy. It does get different. I know the saying when parents warn you that aliens will overtake their bodies around 13 and bring them back around 19. I only have one teenage daughter 16 and can I say A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E!!. My prayer is “Lord please don’t let me kill her”, just kidding!! I pray for my patience so I can teach her patience, I pray that I will set a good example as a single mom that she will take with her in her growing up years. I pray every day that the Lord will be with her that she makes the right decisions.
I am also thankful, at most times that I only have the one. It is true the Lord definitely gives you what you can handle.
Actually….I disagree. Having teenagers that have been brought up with Biblical discipline and a love for God’s ways are a delight to parent. It’s exciting watching the fruit of your labor and the pay off for all the investment in mental exhaustion during those early years. It’s fun to see them make good choices, stand for their faith and encourage others to do as well. They sign up for their own small groups and Bible studies and pick their friends according to Godly principles as they are spreading their wings to fly on their own. I LOVE having teenagers. Mine are 16 and 13 and I’m enjoying life more than ever. Stick with it Moms! Your labor in the Lord is not in vain. Don’t anticipate trouble…it might not come. Expect great things from your kids and they just might surprise you.
So there with you. My 21 year old son is autistic and let me tell you I am mentally exhausted even before I wake up in the mornings. My 18 year old daughter is a freshmen in college – yikes!!!!
And yes the “it will get easier when they are older” is a joke, wish I would have known that years ago.
Actually, this frightens me because I am so exhausted right now that I can’t imagine these days being the easier ones. I am truly frightened. I love my two little ones so much. They are so beautiful to me, but parenting is so physical, and I am physically in not the best shape. I had my children late in life (40 with first; 42 with second), and I had not idea how “physical” it is to have young ones. I even have help during the day (nanny) and I have someone helping me in the evening, and I am so grateful b/c my husband travels Sun-Thur… but even when he didn’t, he worked so late, it was as if he was not here. I am suppose to be working from home, but there is so much to manage with a family of four that I am not doing well with my business so that’s not looking good either. We are both so physically exhausted that we are beyond ourselves on how to handle. Please pray for me Prayer Warriors!!!! Pray for my physical health to be able to handle these physical years with my 11 month old and my my 2 year old.
This hit home and I am thankful for friends who encourage me along the way but most importantly for the best friend I could ever have, the one who gives me strength moment by moment, Jesus Christ.
I am mentally and physically exhausted at this time in life and have four children that range from 15 to 6. Most of my exhaustion is from just dealing with life and not letting the Lord have my burdens and not trusting that He will work things out how He wants. I fool myself into believing that I have control over my children but instead should be focusing on teaching and encouraging my children in the Lord. He has an individual plan for each one of them just like He has one for me. As each set of parents have an individual love story; we each have an individual love story with Christ. Some married young and some older , just as some of us came to Christ early and some as we were older. The important thing is to not get caught up into thinking we know what is best for our children and what paths and choices are right for our children other the the path of following Him. We need to teach our children to love Him and follow Him not matter what and let Christ do the rest. What we think and the timing we think might be right for our child may not be His and we have to be willing as parents to let our children grow up and make choices according to what God has for them ALONE. I find this time with our children no matter what the age both challenging and very rewarding. While none of us are perfect, I am so thankful I know the One who is. He has a plan ready for each of us, including parents, who are ready to follow! Our children are not ours but entrusted to us for only a short time…so we should enjoy the time with them while we can!