Lysa TerKeurst | 2010 September

Monday, September 27

I’ll Be the One with the Greasy Hair

Today I’m guest posting over at (in)Courage. I hope you’ll visit me there where I am talking about marriage. And all my girlfriends who have already had a little tiff with the hubs this morning sigh wondering if I’m peaking in your windows.

Rest assured I have not, but I feel your pain sweet sister. Remember, Art and I have our fair share of growth opportunities. Smiles.

So, at (in)Courage I’m chatting it up about marriage. But over here at my place today, I thought I’d share with you why I think the right kind of friends are crucial to encourage us in the vital roles we women play.

Sixteen years ago, I pressed my forehead against my front door window while tears quietly slipped down my cheeks. I watched my husband pull out of the driveway and head off to another day at work. I then turned to look at what my day would hold- a crying baby, a messy house, and an overwhelming feeling of dread. How could this be?

I finally had everything I ever thought would make me happy, fulfilled, significant, and satisfied, yet I was more miserable than I’d ever been. Finally realizing a great husband, healthy baby, and a comfortable house with a flower bed planted out front weren’t the answer to ultimate happiness in life rattled my soul to the core.

My whole life had been designed around getting these things that would finally fill me up. When they fell short, I slid to the ground and cried, “God, I can’t do this. Where do I go from here? How do I find you? Help me!”

A few weeks later, my husband called and said there was a woman in his restaurant who wanted to meet me. I glanced down at my spit covered sweatpants, ran my hands through my greasy hair, and willed my mind to override the desire to pass on meeting her today.

I couldn’t handle the relationships I had in my life, I certainly couldn’t make time for more. Plus, if I got too close to women who appeared to have their lives together, they’d judge me for the pitiful way mine was falling apart. No, my role was to give everything I had to my family.

But that was exactly the problem. I was giving everything I had to my family with nothing to fill me back up- no one to encourage me past the hard spots- and no one to share practical advice because she’d been there, done that.

So, I crammed my diaper bag full and headed out the door.

Over the years, I’ve thought about that pivotal decision to pursue and embrace the necessity of friendships. Not only have they helped me personally, my friendships have been crucial to my success (and sometimes survival) in my roles as wife and mom as well. What I once thought would take away from my family, has proven to add a richness I couldn’t have gotten any other way.

Here are some practical ways friendships can help us:

~ Find a friend who does something well that you wish you could be better at. It may be managing paper piles, cooking, organizing kid’s rooms, creatively loving her husband, effectively disciplining her kids, or a hundred other things. Whatever it is, ask her if you could spend time observing how she does what she does so well. Women love to talk about things they do well.

~ Choose a friend with whom you feel comfortable to pray. There is no better gift we can give our family then to be a wife and mom who prays. Praying with a friend about our families will not only knit our heart closer to the ones we love, but to that friend as well.

~ Pursue a friendship with someone who is one stage behind where you are in life. Offer them practical help in their area of stress and weave in the wisdom you gained as you went through that same stage.

Why not spend some time today praying for the friends you have and the friends you’ve yet to meet. God loves to answer those friendship prayers! And trust me on this, go ahead and wash your hair, just in case you get a call today like I did all those years ago.

Speaking of washing your hair, what kind of shampoo do you use? Is it expensive or cheap? Do you love it or just use it because you had a coupon? I’m having some shampoo issues and would love to hear any advice you have. Oh, and certainly, if you want to comment about friendships, I’m all ears on that topic as well.

The Wedding Prayer

If you are visiting from my P31 Encouragement for Today devotion, welcome. Please leave your marriage prayer requests by clicking on the word “comments” below and following the prompts. My prayer team and I will be personally praying over your requests this weekend.

I wanted to give you something today that’s priceless to me. It will be part of my family’s legacy for years to come. This is the prayer Art’s dad prayed over us at our wedding nearly 18 years ago. I can hardly believe it’s been 18 years.

As I read back over this prayer, I am amazed at how God has answered so many of the requests intertwined in the words. This was being prayed over two broken, fragile, headstrong, needing to learn a lot- individuals. Individuals who 5 years into our marriage weren’t sure we were going to make it. But we did.

And so can you.

I would encourage you to take your spouse’s hand and either have someone read this prayer over you or read it together. Use it as a reminder and recommitment. And if your marriage isn’t at a place where that is possible, pray this in the quiet shrine of your heart. God hears you. He knows. He loves you. He will show you the way.

And certainly, leave your prayer request in the comments below and I will be praying for you too.

The Wedding Prayer

Father in Heaven, thank you for this husband ______, and wife, _______, and their commitment to Christian marriage. As we look ahead, we pray that their future will never lack the convictions that make a marriage strong.

Bless this husband, ______. Bless him as provider and protector. Sustain him in all the pressures that come with the task of stewarding a family. May his strength be his wife’s boast and pride, and may he so live that his wife may find in him the haven for which the heart of a woman truly longs.

Bless this wife, ______. Give her a tenderness that makes her great, a deep sense of understanding, and a strong faith in You. Give her that inner beauty of soul that never fades, that eternal youth that is found in holding fast to the things that never age. May she so live that her husband may be pleased to reverence her in the shrine of his heart.

Teach them that marriage is not living for each other. It is two people uniting and joining hands to serve You. Give them a great spiritual purpose in life. May they seek first Your kingdom and Your righteousness, knowing that You will sustain them through all of life’s challenges.

May they minimize each other’s weaknesses and be swift to praise and magnify each other’s strengths so that they might view each other through a lover’s kind and patient eyes. Help them every day to be kind and gentle, more like Thee. Give them a little something to forgive each day, that their love might learn to be long-suffering.

Bless them and develop their characters as they walk together with You. Give them enough hurts to keep them humane, enough failures to keep their hands clenched tightly in Yours, and enough of success to make them sure they walk with You throughout all of their life.

May they never take each other’s love for granted but always experience that breathless wonder that exclaims. “Out of all this world, you have chosen me.” Then, when life is done and the sun is setting, may they be found then as now, still hand in hand, still very proud, still thanking You for each other.

May they travel together as friends and lovers, brother and sister, husband and wife, father and mother, and as servants of Christ until He shall return or until that day when one shall lay the other into the arms of God. This we ask through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Saviour, the great lover of our souls. Amen.

When mommy is mentally exhausted

I used to think it was stressful having small children. The bathing, changing, whining, crying, feeding and cleaning up little people’s messes all day would wear me to a frazzle sometimes. I naively would throw myself into bed and think, “when they are older this will be so much easier.”

Have you ever wanted to travel back in time and shake yourself? I would say slap yourself but let’s not get physically aggressive.

On second hand, yes let’s. It’s not that I would full out slap myself but some forceful taps on either side of my cheek would have been in order.

For as your children grow, a transition happens. You trade physical exhaustion for mental exhaustion. Now hear my heart, I’m not trying to pull an Eeyore today and get all down.

Y’all know I love my children with every fiber of my being. I thank God for the incredible honor of having people who call me mom. I dig investing and giving and shepherding these amazing future leaders. And I take it very seriously.

After all they will one day get the privilege of caring for me when I’m old. And, I am going to be a feisty old thing. Can anyone say payback! I laugh when I think about it. But that is a topic for another day.

Back to the shift to mental exhaustion. I am as confident as I can be that I have invested wisely in the nurturing of my children. I haven’t been perfect but then again none of us have. So, I’m not tired from wishing I would have done more. It’s something else.

As the leash of freedom extends with each passing year, I realize how their choices are their own. And I can’t build the security of my identity as a mom on the fragility of young people’s choices. I have to build the security of my identity as a mom on prayer.

So, intertwined in my situational prayers for them I have three fundamental prayers I always try to include:

1. God, make this child one of the most godly people of their generation.

2. God, let them get caught when they make wrong choices.

3. God, save them from the wrong friends and the wrong mate, so they may be saved for the right friends and the right mate.

And then I ask God for the courage to let Him write my kid’s testimonies.

Simple. Necessary. A bit scary sometimes. But so completely comforting. And one of the best remedies to help ease the mental exhaustion all of us mommies feel at times.

What do you pray over your children?