Today I’m guest posting over at (in)Courage. I hope you’ll visit me there where I am talking about marriage. And all my girlfriends who have already had a little tiff with the hubs this morning sigh wondering if I’m peaking in your windows.
Rest assured I have not, but I feel your pain sweet sister. Remember, Art and I have our fair share of growth opportunities. Smiles.
So, at (in)Courage I’m chatting it up about marriage. But over here at my place today, I thought I’d share with you why I think the right kind of friends are crucial to encourage us in the vital roles we women play.
Sixteen years ago, I pressed my forehead against my front door window while tears quietly slipped down my cheeks. I watched my husband pull out of the driveway and head off to another day at work. I then turned to look at what my day would hold- a crying baby, a messy house, and an overwhelming feeling of dread. How could this be?
I finally had everything I ever thought would make me happy, fulfilled, significant, and satisfied, yet I was more miserable than I’d ever been. Finally realizing a great husband, healthy baby, and a comfortable house with a flower bed planted out front weren’t the answer to ultimate happiness in life rattled my soul to the core.
My whole life had been designed around getting these things that would finally fill me up. When they fell short, I slid to the ground and cried, “God, I can’t do this. Where do I go from here? How do I find you? Help me!”
A few weeks later, my husband called and said there was a woman in his restaurant who wanted to meet me. I glanced down at my spit covered sweatpants, ran my hands through my greasy hair, and willed my mind to override the desire to pass on meeting her today.
I couldn’t handle the relationships I had in my life, I certainly couldn’t make time for more. Plus, if I got too close to women who appeared to have their lives together, they’d judge me for the pitiful way mine was falling apart. No, my role was to give everything I had to my family.
But that was exactly the problem. I was giving everything I had to my family with nothing to fill me back up- no one to encourage me past the hard spots- and no one to share practical advice because she’d been there, done that.
So, I crammed my diaper bag full and headed out the door.
Over the years, I’ve thought about that pivotal decision to pursue and embrace the necessity of friendships. Not only have they helped me personally, my friendships have been crucial to my success (and sometimes survival) in my roles as wife and mom as well. What I once thought would take away from my family, has proven to add a richness I couldn’t have gotten any other way.
Here are some practical ways friendships can help us:
~ Find a friend who does something well that you wish you could be better at. It may be managing paper piles, cooking, organizing kid’s rooms, creatively loving her husband, effectively disciplining her kids, or a hundred other things. Whatever it is, ask her if you could spend time observing how she does what she does so well. Women love to talk about things they do well.
~ Choose a friend with whom you feel comfortable to pray. There is no better gift we can give our family then to be a wife and mom who prays. Praying with a friend about our families will not only knit our heart closer to the ones we love, but to that friend as well.
~ Pursue a friendship with someone who is one stage behind where you are in life. Offer them practical help in their area of stress and weave in the wisdom you gained as you went through that same stage.
Why not spend some time today praying for the friends you have and the friends you’ve yet to meet. God loves to answer those friendship prayers! And trust me on this, go ahead and wash your hair, just in case you get a call today like I did all those years ago.
Speaking of washing your hair, what kind of shampoo do you use? Is it expensive or cheap? Do you love it or just use it because you had a coupon? I’m having some shampoo issues and would love to hear any advice you have. Oh, and certainly, if you want to comment about friendships, I’m all ears on that topic as well.
Dear Lisa ,All shampoos are are very similar to each other..at time the issue is not shampoo but the build up of shampoo on our scalp ..an easy and very effective way to clean the build up is to use Dish Detergent Dawn as a shampoo and rinse ,rinse,rinse .You will be able to use whatever shampoo you heart desire there after.
As far as friends i find myself being the one that they always look for counseling and uplifting , It seem hard for me to find anyone i could really call upon and depend upon for support .I am a very easy going person and i do except people where they are . I’m not complaining i’m 53 yrs old and when i read post like this one I can’t relate ,they don’t seem to be the reality of life.That is just my opinion .
Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. Proverbs 27:6
Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man’s friend by hearty counsel. Proverbs 27:9
Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend. Proverbs 27:17
Was thinking of the blessing of having friends that help us and point us towards God. They are true treasures!
They have pointed me back to Christ in so many ways and helped me through dark days.
As far as shampoo, I have not found one that I really love yet.
Friends is a hard subject. I don’t have any really close friends. We have gotten together with couple friends for years and I have been good friends with them. But it seems that the more kids we have, the farther apart we get. And at my church, I have not connected with any of the women there. The closet friend I have right now is not a believer. I know that I should have friends who are believers to support me but where do you find them when it seems like there is noone to be friends with?
HI LYSA!!
AS FOR SHAMPOO, I USE PUREOLOGY SHAMPOO /TRESEMME CONDITIONER. I COLOR MY HAIR AND STYLE A LOT WITH HOT TOOLS. THE BEST THING TO DO FOR YOUR SHAMPOO ISSUES, IS USE A CLARIFYING SHAMPOO ONCE A WEEK. (NEUTROGENA) HAIR GETS USE TO THE SAME PRODUCTS, SO YOU NEED TO SHAKE IT UP.
AS FOR FRIENDS, THEY ARE MY ANGELS HERE ON EARTH. I COULDN’T HAVE BEEN BLESSED ANYMORE THAN WITH THE LOVING, CARING ONES I HAVE. TWO YEARS AGO, I JOINED A BIBLE STUDY GROUP, THE WOMEN IN IT HAVE BEEN TRULY WONDERFUL AND SUPPORTIVE OF ME. THEY HAVE MADE MY JOURNEY WITH CHRIST BEAUTIFUL. I THANK GOD FOR MY FRIENDS, FOR THEY ARE MY CHOSEN FAMILY:-)
Good Morning Lisa! I love your blog! Its very encouraging! I have curly dry hair – my new fav shampoo and conditioner Brazilian Tech Keratin! You can purchase from Sally’s Beauty. It should not be confused with Keratin treatments, its a brand it makes my hair super soft and shiney, gives it volume AND smells yummy! I ab-suh-lute-ly love it!
I love AVEDA shampoo! ($15, feels so healthy)
I have pressed my forehead against a similar door and wondered why I wasn’t happy when I was blessed with healthy children, a good husband and even a the flower bed you mentioned.
I was lonely, with two little ones and a baby on the way. While shopping, I found myself quite chatty with a woman working at the store. She was someone I really connected with and she invited me to attend a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) meeting. I remember going home and with tears in my eyes telling my husband that I felt God was giving me what I needed.
I discovered at that meeting there were many mothers pressing their foreheads against the windows of their doors.;) It was also the first time I felt comfortable praying with friends. I met one of my dearest friends at that meeting. I am grateful I washed my hair, and welcomed the gift of friendship offered to me!
bumble and bumble! it is the best shampoo and conditioner… it is fairly expensive but if you have a friend who works at a salon (like my brother’s girlfriend
) you can get it for a reasonable price! and it lasts a lonnnggg time. hope that helps 
Try Satinique – available through Amway distributors & on the Amway website. Best stuff I can find and costs <$5/bottle!! My hairstylist always comments on how healthy my hair looks & feels when I go in, even though I'm heat styling it EVERY day!!
Thank you once again for the insight and encouragement. People scare me and large groups make me panick. Now let me tell you what God has me doing. I am the Abstinence Director for the Etowah Pregenency Testing Center. My ladies and I go into schools, churches and anywhere else they let us in to talk about Gods plan for marriage – Waiting for Marriage. Does He not have a great sense of humor. It is terrifying and my husband is still shocked that this is what God asked me to do. Maybe most of his shock is my doing it because I run from new people. I am not the greeter at our church
.
Shampoos – you hooked me there. I love my hair and believe it to be my VERY best feature. I have searched out lots of shampoo. Some are okay, some are better. I found this new shampoo that is AWESOME – if you can afford it. I received a small sample of Wen Hair Care. It is a nonsoap shampoo. WOW my scalp felt good and my hair stayed cleaner looking longer plus it no longer had dry ends. It was amazing! Alas as a stay at home Mom who volunteers to be Abstinence Director money is tight. My sample ran out and it is on my Wish List of things people may buy for me for Christmas, birthdays, or just because.
Praying that you are having better hair days. Edie
Girlfriends are something I am praying about. As I find myself in the middle – between college and not yet ready for children, I find that I have very few females that I actually share things with these days. Your post is encouraging to me.
As for shampoo, I have begun using Suave Professionals and it has done wonders for my hair!
Friends…couldn’t be without my Godly girlfriends….love my husband, but the girlfriends come in when the men check out (emotionally speaking). I have a friendship that is older than my marriage and always sweet! As for shampoo…EO Products are great. The older I get the more I want to avoid all those chemicals in my beauty products and my food! Check out their website…they have a complete line. love lavender for the winter and grapefruit and mint in the summer.
If only finding a great friend was as easy as shopping for shampoo. I’m praying for a friend – a real, honest, loving, Christian friend – to come my way. And I’m praying that I’ll be the right friend for her, too.
Lysa,
My sister-in-law (who by the way is a wonderful friend and has supported me through MANY mom moments) fowarded me your blog. I am delighted to find you and have enjoyed doing a little research on your website! Thank you for using sharing your insight and inspiration. Friends are such an integral part of my life and sanity. God has such a wonderful way of helping us help each other!
Shampoo – I use Arbonne – natural and botanically based, no toxins. No buildup on your hair, smells great and I have noticed I lose less hair!! (my least favorable household chore – cleaning hair out of the drains! ugh.) If you want some samples just let me know!
Hi Lysa,
I am a hairdresser and I, too, have issues with shampoos. There are just too many choices. Often, it’s just that we over shampoo, we need to give some much needed rest to our 180,000 hairs that work so hard to stand up or lay down, depending on what we demand of them that day.
I really look forward to your devotions in the morning (almost as much as I do the school bus in the morning coming for my blessing #1, cuz then I can read your devotion once he is out the door). After blessing #2 heads off to school, I sit and reread. It is almost eerie how so many of P31 devotions are talking directly to me. My name could be inserted. I am forever grateful I happened onto P31 years ago. I have many clients who have signed up for your devotions. I make them do it on there phones while I have chemicals on their heads…is that too pushy?? Anyway, you are a blessing to me, to many. Thank you. I have learned to always be ready, you never know when a new friend will enter your life…usually when you have greasy hair! And if they love you with greasy hair, they are the best gift ever!
I too love the music from the 80′s, Cyndi Lauper, Madonna just to name a few… and dancing was my passion before becoing a parent; which has now become the greatest joy in my life.
I love your postings, and can’t wait each day to read them.
the shampoo to use not expensive not cheap, somewhere inthe middle, I lie Tres Semmes. My hair dresser of 78 years old lots of experience told me not to wash my hair everyday, it strips the natural oils. True story. God Bless and take care, I just started you books at Summit Church in NV, I love your writing and bible teaching.
am a stay at home home and i can relate to your story because thats where i am right now and am asking God is this all that there is, please pray for me to get a job and for god to send me a real,christian friend ,thank you.
Lysa, this is one of your best posts ever! As a former stay at home, homeschool Mom of 5, I can totally relate. I kept trying to figure out what on earth was the matter with me. I had the husband, the kids, got to stay home and homeschool, etc. but I was so empty! When your gas tank stays on empty you cannot go anywhere.
Through some very heartbreaking and difficult circumstances God brought me to the place of resting in Him and all that He is. He also showed me how much I needed other women in my life to mentor me, pray for and with me, teach me, and yes, sometimes rebuke me (in love) . Also, that I needed to do some things to keep my brain engaged that did not involve caring for my children. That always sounded so selfish and “worldly” to me. But I was really shortchanging my kids by not refueling myself on a regular basis. Again, thank you for this post! Blessings -
p.s. 1 tablespoon of baking soda in a tall glass of warm water poured over your hair does wonders!
I love this post and will most certainly do what you suggested…I’m at this stage of looking out the door and having a crying baby, messy house, laundry,cooking, etc…It’s amazing to know that I’m not alone and that other people go through this as well…I sometimes feel so overwhelmed and ask myself will this ever end or will it get better…I’m having shampoo problems as well I’ve changed so many times…but anyways thanks for post =-}
@ Donna Cole ~ I want you to know I am praying for you right now. I know your heart plea may have become lost in all the pages but I hope you see this and know that a sister is holding you up at the Fathers throne right now. God bless!
Donna Cole…no One understands like Jesus. Truly. Your heart, with all its hurt and confusions, can rest securely in His hands. May you feel His arms around you in a special, close way today.
I love your post and have enjoyed hearing you speak in the past. I am so into the needing to pause before speaking or yelling as sometimes is the case at my girls because then like you said I have to go back and soothe the pain…..actual PAIN I caused to the ones I say I love more then anyone on earth! And on the shampoo I use whatever I can get the best deal with coupons…it seems like if I stick to one shampoo my hair becomes use to it and looks worse then when I started with it….so maybe change it up! For those days when you dont have time there is a great dry shampoo at Ulta. You just spray it on and your hair looks like you just cleaned it. I have a friend who has very oily hair, so before dinner it is already needing to be washed again. On days she is going somewhere later in the day she sprays it on and goes.
Frist I have to say when I started reading your post I thought, this doesn’t pertain to me, then as you went on about filling your own self that is where it hit me. My husband and I now take care of our 2 young toddler grandbabies f/t 24 hrs a day. My husband works out of town 2 weeks out of the month so I do everything by myself. I am sometimes fighting back the tears for I feel for our granbabies momma is not there everyday for them and they don’t understand, and I know how God put them in our lives and we as Grandparents are doing what is right by God. I know he is pleased we are keeping them secure w/love, laughes, structure, playtime, yea I still get on the floor and roll around, dance, sing, read w/them thru out the day.. Not much on TV when they have other mind expanding learning they can do. TV comes on when I have to just get something done or I need a little me time. But back to my tears, I fight them back and a smile comes to my face when I know how much I am doing for them. It isn’t their fault they are in this situation. So back to filling ones self up, my husband when he is home encourages me to get out of the house, go walk around Hobby Lobby for hours, visit a friend for lunch or dinner and just re-energize me. I am blessed w/so much good in my life that prayer is taking care of the issues to big for me to fix. I hope one day our daughter will truely thank us for all we do for her children. But ya know if she doesn’t I will know what we did and smile.
Now for the shampoo: I used to use Pantene Beautiful Lengths until they removed it and replaced it w/some other shampoo and it smells aweful and dryes out my hair and leaves it like straw. so now I am back using Suave but I use the see-thru versions not the creamy version and it works fine. Good luck and sorry I rambled.
Hi Lysa; life is a complicated hwy for sure, I am a mom gramma sister daughter manager and wife to be and friend to lots of great ladies in the midst of being all of these things I to get overwhelmed, I am blessed that god has sent me a man who is filled with the holy spirit and always tries to find ways to help me refresh my self, I pray today for my son and daughter in law who are having a hard time in thier marriage, they dont know god yet but we continue to pray and to try to be the best examples of his blessings and mercys on us. as for shampoo usually pantene or suave blessings and thanks for your blog
Your posts are wonderful. I feel like I know you, and love you as a friend. My niece, Joanna, originally sent me your post almost 2 years ago. My daughter now has it and several of my friends. You and Encouragement for Today are first in the morning.
Shampoo: I like baby shampoo. Health food stores have the best, but it is more expensive. Target brand is good. If you wash your hair twice, it will stay less greasy, like through to the next day. Even, (believe this is true) sprinkling salt on top of your head and rubbing it into your head works. Takes away the greasy smell. I had run out of table salt, which is more finely ground, and used the salt in a grinder type and the grains were too big. ha ha I had little chunks on my scalp!! But you can also put some in hot water to dissolve and then pour it on after washing. Keep your good posts coming. Thanks.
Greetings Lysa,
Your blogs are absolutely wonderful! Fun and encouraging to the heart. I truly don’t have a close friend. Years ago I use to pray for a close girlfriend, but now I just stay busy at work and come home and relax. I use to consider myself outgoing and fun! Now, I am divorced and becoming miserable. I think of all the blessings in my life and how it could be so much worse – true. There are so many things that I wish were different! I still have two older sons living at home and one says I will have to evict him to get him to leave ( he’s gotta make my life more complicated now doesn’t he ). uhgg!
As far as shampoos? I use Costco’s brand Kirkland at times and Sauve, V05 lavender is nice, and when I dye my hair I like using L’Oreal and I love the conditioner tube they add to the box. So I went to target and bought L’oreal shampoo and conditioner, the tea tree smelling one is real nice.
Love to read your blogs and time spent with you, Sandra
If you are going to color your hair – Color extend from Redkin is excellent and helps the color stay more vibrant.
Keep on keeping on Lysa. Your frankness is so refreshing!