Today I’m guest posting over at (in)Courage. I hope you’ll visit me there where I am talking about marriage. And all my girlfriends who have already had a little tiff with the hubs this morning sigh wondering if I’m peaking in your windows.
Rest assured I have not, but I feel your pain sweet sister. Remember, Art and I have our fair share of growth opportunities. Smiles.
So, at (in)Courage I’m chatting it up about marriage. But over here at my place today, I thought I’d share with you why I think the right kind of friends are crucial to encourage us in the vital roles we women play.
Sixteen years ago, I pressed my forehead against my front door window while tears quietly slipped down my cheeks. I watched my husband pull out of the driveway and head off to another day at work. I then turned to look at what my day would hold- a crying baby, a messy house, and an overwhelming feeling of dread. How could this be?
I finally had everything I ever thought would make me happy, fulfilled, significant, and satisfied, yet I was more miserable than I’d ever been. Finally realizing a great husband, healthy baby, and a comfortable house with a flower bed planted out front weren’t the answer to ultimate happiness in life rattled my soul to the core.
My whole life had been designed around getting these things that would finally fill me up. When they fell short, I slid to the ground and cried, “God, I can’t do this. Where do I go from here? How do I find you? Help me!”
A few weeks later, my husband called and said there was a woman in his restaurant who wanted to meet me. I glanced down at my spit covered sweatpants, ran my hands through my greasy hair, and willed my mind to override the desire to pass on meeting her today.
I couldn’t handle the relationships I had in my life, I certainly couldn’t make time for more. Plus, if I got too close to women who appeared to have their lives together, they’d judge me for the pitiful way mine was falling apart. No, my role was to give everything I had to my family.
But that was exactly the problem. I was giving everything I had to my family with nothing to fill me back up- no one to encourage me past the hard spots- and no one to share practical advice because she’d been there, done that.
So, I crammed my diaper bag full and headed out the door.
Over the years, I’ve thought about that pivotal decision to pursue and embrace the necessity of friendships. Not only have they helped me personally, my friendships have been crucial to my success (and sometimes survival) in my roles as wife and mom as well. What I once thought would take away from my family, has proven to add a richness I couldn’t have gotten any other way.
Here are some practical ways friendships can help us:
~ Find a friend who does something well that you wish you could be better at. It may be managing paper piles, cooking, organizing kid’s rooms, creatively loving her husband, effectively disciplining her kids, or a hundred other things. Whatever it is, ask her if you could spend time observing how she does what she does so well. Women love to talk about things they do well.
~ Choose a friend with whom you feel comfortable to pray. There is no better gift we can give our family then to be a wife and mom who prays. Praying with a friend about our families will not only knit our heart closer to the ones we love, but to that friend as well.
~ Pursue a friendship with someone who is one stage behind where you are in life. Offer them practical help in their area of stress and weave in the wisdom you gained as you went through that same stage.
Why not spend some time today praying for the friends you have and the friends you’ve yet to meet. God loves to answer those friendship prayers! And trust me on this, go ahead and wash your hair, just in case you get a call today like I did all those years ago.
Speaking of washing your hair, what kind of shampoo do you use? Is it expensive or cheap? Do you love it or just use it because you had a coupon? I’m having some shampoo issues and would love to hear any advice you have. Oh, and certainly, if you want to comment about friendships, I’m all ears on that topic as well.
Donna Cole…no One understands like Jesus. Truly. Your heart, with all its hurt and confusions, can rest securely in His hands. May you feel His arms around you in a special, close way today.
I love your post and have enjoyed hearing you speak in the past. I am so into the needing to pause before speaking or yelling as sometimes is the case at my girls because then like you said I have to go back and soothe the pain…..actual PAIN I caused to the ones I say I love more then anyone on earth! And on the shampoo I use whatever I can get the best deal with coupons…it seems like if I stick to one shampoo my hair becomes use to it and looks worse then when I started with it….so maybe change it up! For those days when you dont have time there is a great dry shampoo at Ulta. You just spray it on and your hair looks like you just cleaned it. I have a friend who has very oily hair, so before dinner it is already needing to be washed again. On days she is going somewhere later in the day she sprays it on and goes.
Frist I have to say when I started reading your post I thought, this doesn’t pertain to me, then as you went on about filling your own self that is where it hit me. My husband and I now take care of our 2 young toddler grandbabies f/t 24 hrs a day. My husband works out of town 2 weeks out of the month so I do everything by myself. I am sometimes fighting back the tears for I feel for our granbabies momma is not there everyday for them and they don’t understand, and I know how God put them in our lives and we as Grandparents are doing what is right by God. I know he is pleased we are keeping them secure w/love, laughes, structure, playtime, yea I still get on the floor and roll around, dance, sing, read w/them thru out the day.. Not much on TV when they have other mind expanding learning they can do. TV comes on when I have to just get something done or I need a little me time. But back to my tears, I fight them back and a smile comes to my face when I know how much I am doing for them. It isn’t their fault they are in this situation. So back to filling ones self up, my husband when he is home encourages me to get out of the house, go walk around Hobby Lobby for hours, visit a friend for lunch or dinner and just re-energize me. I am blessed w/so much good in my life that prayer is taking care of the issues to big for me to fix. I hope one day our daughter will truely thank us for all we do for her children. But ya know if she doesn’t I will know what we did and smile.
Now for the shampoo: I used to use Pantene Beautiful Lengths until they removed it and replaced it w/some other shampoo and it smells aweful and dryes out my hair and leaves it like straw. so now I am back using Suave but I use the see-thru versions not the creamy version and it works fine. Good luck and sorry I rambled.
Hi Lysa; life is a complicated hwy for sure, I am a mom gramma sister daughter manager and wife to be and friend to lots of great ladies in the midst of being all of these things I to get overwhelmed, I am blessed that god has sent me a man who is filled with the holy spirit and always tries to find ways to help me refresh my self, I pray today for my son and daughter in law who are having a hard time in thier marriage, they dont know god yet but we continue to pray and to try to be the best examples of his blessings and mercys on us. as for shampoo usually pantene or suave blessings and thanks for your blog
Your posts are wonderful. I feel like I know you, and love you as a friend. My niece, Joanna, originally sent me your post almost 2 years ago. My daughter now has it and several of my friends. You and Encouragement for Today are first in the morning.
Shampoo: I like baby shampoo. Health food stores have the best, but it is more expensive. Target brand is good. If you wash your hair twice, it will stay less greasy, like through to the next day. Even, (believe this is true) sprinkling salt on top of your head and rubbing it into your head works. Takes away the greasy smell. I had run out of table salt, which is more finely ground, and used the salt in a grinder type and the grains were too big. ha ha I had little chunks on my scalp!! But you can also put some in hot water to dissolve and then pour it on after washing. Keep your good posts coming. Thanks.