I remember the first time I went to a conference filled with potential speakers and writers. I had been so excited. At home, I felt handpicked by God to attend this conference. I felt chosen, worthy and empowered.
Then I got to the conference with hundreds of others who were also chosen, worthy and empowered and suddenly I did not feel handpicked any longer. I felt insecure.
I remember hearing women talk about their proposals, their messages, their ministry experiences and suddenly everything in my world felt woefully small and insignificant. Even my outfit felt dated, my backside big, and my voice painfully hollow. I could feel my personality shutting down and my heart sinking to places no God loving woman should go.
Satan is a cruel manipulator who desires for God’s girls to get ensnared and distracted by competing and comparing. The more we look around and jockey for a position that’s better than the girl standing next to us, the less we remember God’s assignment for us. And that’s exactly what the enemy wants.
Our calling is never to one up the next girl. It is to raise up the name of Jesus and live his truths in an authentic way. Period. Nothing else.
So, what is a Jesus girl to do when she finds herself sucked into the comparison trap?
After many tears shed beside my hotel bed and much prayer, I willed my hurting little feet to walk back down to the conference and get intentional about being blessing focused. I determined with each and every interaction for the rest of the conference I would seek to receive and give a blessing.
As women talked to me, I looked for some blessing of truth, challenge, or revelation I could glean from this other person. Even if the person was self-focused and not caring a bit about giving me anything, I chose to see my interaction with her as blessed reminder to not act that way myself.
I also sought to give a blessing to every woman with whom I interacted. It’s amazing when you intentionally look for good in others how much you can quickly find.
By the end of the conference I was so full of blessings, I could honestly say to the Lord, “Whatever your will. Whether I receive a contract or not. Whether I stand and share my message in front of 5 or 5000. Whatever your will, I only want your plans.”
The less we compare and compete they more we’ll be able to embrace Jesus’ attitude of blessing and feel amazingly complete. And isn’t that what we’re all after in the first place?
Be sure to join in tomorrow as we uncover how rejection from man doesn’t mean rejection from God.
Lysa, I attended She Speaks for the first time last year and completely resonated with your post. I think the enemy seeks to divide and devour us as women because he knows what we could collectively accomplish if we weren’t so competitive! Thank you so much for your transparency and willingness to speak the truth in love. I am looking forward to being blessed once again at this year’s conference.
Thank you for this, it was exactly what I needed to read right now. God bless!
Hi Lisa,
I am still struggling with this issue. I look forward to joining in tomorrow’s call.
Lysa,
Thank you so much for this. I’ve been struggling lately with feeling like an outsider in all situations. I guess it got really bad when my step daughter got married last week, I talked to her mother & she said she was probably wearing a navy dress. So I went out & got an entirely different color. I showed up at the wedding & we had almost identical dresses.
I was supposed to walk down before her mother, but that had to be changed at the last minute because we looked like twins & I was a little hurt. I completely shut down at the wedding & wanted to crawl into a hole.
Not to mention almost every single person there was from her church & I felt judged, as if I had ruined her day. I’m sure most of it was Satan making me feel “less than.” He’s good at making me feel this way. Just when I think I’ve grown & overcome this, I’m confronted with another situation to put me back into my box.
This was an amazing reminder that I’m not alone in my mental battles!
Thank you again for this post…it couldn’t have come at a better time!
http://lisapetrarca.blogspot.com/2010/07/wedding-day-pictures.html
I can’t go to your conference, but I can’t tell you how much I appreciated your words yesterday and today, Lysa … words of wisdom that we writers/speakers need to hear–no matter our level of expertise.
I’ve attended several writers conferences, and each time I struggled with insecurity. I need to remember that God is the Gift-giver, and all He expects from us is that we yield back our gifts to His use, and develop our skills with excellence. It’s pointless (and fruitless!) to compare.
God bless you for your transparency and timely advice.
I struggle with competing and comparing issues in my everyday life too and sometimes these emotions are overwhelming. It’s a reminder to me that my calling is never to one up the next girl. but to raise up the name of Jesus. Period! Indeed, a timely advice.
Thanks for the reminder to focus on the godly, the blessings, the broken hearts. I have been in a bad-mood rut today about how someone annoyed ME, snapped at ME, and did things wrong. Mmm, how disappointed I am. Lord, help me encourage people around me and stop what I have been doing. Amen!
I’m not a writer, but just a little homeschool mom and I have spent my mothering years living in the ‘comparison trap’.. it keeps me in a constant state of feeling inadequate and like I’ve done nothing right.. I am battling this, and appreciate your words today very much~
Cindy
“Our calling is never to one up the next girl. It is to raise up the name of Jesus and live his truths in an authentic way. Period. Nothing else. ”
Now that’s just what I needed to hear! In less than 2 months I will be filling the very big shoes of a wonderful Sunday School teacher. She is the definition of humility and servant. I have been teetering between excited to share God’s word with young people and scared stiff in fear I will be measured against the previous measuring stick and found wanting.
Your words today hit me square in the heart, just where I needed it. Thank you for your honest sharing. I will purpose to receive and give a blessing – period. No one will benefit if my attention is on comparing myself to someone else. I will fix my attention on Jesus and let Him use me as He sees fit.
God bless you!
Hi Lisa,
Thank you for being so honest, I can relate to those exact feelings and maybe I can try to do what you did to overcome those feelings.
I have already been praying and asking God to help me remember all that He has shown me over the past year…i.e. the birds all singing at once and not comparing their song post I wrote. Now to walk that thing out surrounded by over 600 beautiful, talented, godly women! Oh, my.
I don’t want to let comparing and competing steal from this special time. I want to be able to soak in every tiny morsel God wants to show me, give me, teach me, bless my socks off with. Of course, I love your reminder that we can BE a blessing, too. So I will also be praying that He will help me keep my heart sensitive to others…not just walking around thinking about me, me, me.
Thank you for sharing all of these experiences with us. Thank you for making sure we know how special we are to Him, whether we are coming to a conference or not. These posts blessed me tremendously when my heart was aching about not getting to come last year. And they are blessing me again this year as I prepare to attend.
Thank you so much for all the encouraging words. I have felt God’s ‘nudging’ to start writing again. But the voice of doubt seems to scream at me sometimes. I am praying that God will lead my efforts, and use me to Glorify Him.
Me, again. At the risk of sounding NUTS, I was just praying about the conference and specifically for all of the women that the enemy is already beating to a pulp with insecurities. And what came to mind was the scene in The Lord of the Rings…where Gandalf is in the depths of Mordor and and tells the big fiery beast “You shall not pass!” with great authority.
But I like the image of speaking to those insecurities and lies now and praying a barrier right there at the doors of the conference hotel.
And I thought of how awesome it would be to be able to stand at the door of the hotel, praying and telling the enemy as each woman walks through the door “You shall not pass!!!!”. Okay…I would not TRULY do that…it would totally freak some gals out and make them run for their lives.
Okay…me and my crazy self are gonna go pray some more.
love ya’.
K
Wow. I loved this post & so candid and true. We all suffer from insecurities one way or the other and as girls we have got to be careful for in our flesh it will lead to jealousy and envy and self pity and rejection and selfishness. But then God…! Love it. When we are in Christ we are free to be like Christ and act like Christ and dress ourselves in love, compassion, honoring & esteeming others as better than ourselves and seeking to be a blessing more than to be blessed and we are open too to receiving from the Lord thru others. wow. Thanks for sharing! Can’t wait for tomorrow & rejection. ouch! Too close to home
Thanks Lysa! It is so easy as women to always be comparing ourselves to others and plagued with insecurity and doubt.
I love the way you guys at P31 set women up to succeed in the ministries God has called them to, and generously empower them to pursue excellence. It is truly a beautiful thing!
In the first of the post I see me. And the end of the post? I WILL by ABBA’s Grace be there too!! Thank you, Lysa. Love and holy hugs, Kat. . .
Lysa, Were you listening in on my time with the Lord this morning?? At the end of our time together I simply boiled down the whole point of my attending She Speaks, the whole point of my life really, to know Him and make Him known to all I come in contact with.
Lord, please make me a blessing. Here I am, use me.
Love you.
Lysa,
Wow, thank you for sharing your thoughts this week. I choose to believe that they are truly devine for my journey this week as I prepare for this weekends conference. Everything word that you are posting is sinking deep into my soul. It’s funny that you are telling me about experiences that you have had that I am feeling as the weekend draws near. I am still finishing up and tweaking my talks for the speaker evalualtion group. You post today has made a huge impact. I was thinking these same thoughts last night and I as I lay in the bed this morning. What makes me any different to make it as a speaker? What makes my story so special? Then you have brought my attention back to where it needs to be today.. On Christ. Thank you again my sweet sister. I am truly honored to be attending this type of event. My prayers are with you and your team as you prepare for our arrival. May your day end in smiles!
Lysa,
Thank you for this post and blessed reminder that God has a plan for She Speaks and He is allowing me to be a part of it! I’ve never been to a conference like this or one this big . . . so I’m not sure I’m ready for “all this.” But I know God will keep me grounded if I let Him.
Thank you for the reminder to be concerned with my audience of One (instead of competition and comparison) and to shower blessings out of the cup He fills every day!
Lysa
As a mother of 4 very different children, it only took me 14 years to reallize that I need to Let Go and Let God. I was once a mom who had to have everthing just so. It was always my way, because that was not only the best way but my way. By letting go \ii became the mom that my children deserved, someone who really listened and accepted them for who they are and not what \i wanted them to be. By letting God do what He needed to do in my live my children have one by one started to give they hearts over to God. It hasn’t been easy, being the control freak that I am, but with God we have a functional family once again. When I look back and see the cracks, I realize that God was filling them with His grace and forgiveness. Life is so much easier when I let God direct the paths that my children will take and not me. God bless.
Wow, again. You nailed it, Mama. You exposed the enemy with search light clarity. I will remember this. Thank you for your honest heart and willingness to lay it out there for your sisters. The blood of the Lamb, and the Word of our testimony….that is true warfare. Stand Firm Sisters!! Love, Kathryn
I can be who I am without anyone ever knowing who I am.
Sometimes I speak these words to myself.
Just want you to know that I picked up your book “Am I messing up my kids” just by chance the other day in the grocery store ( one I never shop in). I have cried at least 3 times already!!!! I know that God picked that day & time for your book to pop into my hands!!!! It as if you are speaking directly to my heart!!! I am a mother of 3 boys and so needed God to redirect my perspective!! And He did it through your book!! Thank you Lysa for your open and honest heart !! Such a blessing!! Xo
Iam guilty of comparing myself to others and feeling inferior. Feeling insecure is a terrible feeling.
Yesterday (which is really ironic reading your blog this morning!) I saw a quote I loved, loved, loved by Joel Osteen it was ” Instead of competing with people around you, focus on who God made you to be.”
WOW! How timely for me. I’m just getting ready to go on staff of our local CareNet Pregnancy Center doing some development work and was feeling less than adequate and wondering what was I thinking when I said YES to this job. Then I remembered, God called me, I didn’t go looking for this and you just reaffirmed this Lysa. God bless you for putting these words of wisdom right smack dab in the middle of my heart where God wanted them to be. I’m so ill-equipped and unprepared, but I love the Lord and love the pro-life ministry…I know God has a plan. Pray for me…I’m praying in thanksgiving for you and your ministry.
Your posts help me to understand that I am normal! They help me to counter those satan attacks in my head that tell me no one else feels, acts, or thinks the way I do. I thank God that He has given you the confidence and the wisdom to express your inner thoughts so that others can gain reassurance and reap the rewards. Thanks for reminding me daily that I am so loved. Have a blessed day.
Prayers are being lifted for all of you this morning. May HE speak to many hearts this weekend.
All for His glory
Yes! Thank you, Lysa!! We all need those words…even in our everyday lives. Whether attendees at She Speaks…among the other moms on our street…or with our co-workers…let’s remember that He loves us individually…and calls each of us by name. He fashioned us according to His plan…which is perfect.
The She Speaks team and all those attending are in my daily prayers!
PS Cindy, there is no such thing as “just a little homeschool mom”! That is a huge calling!!!
this is something every woman needs to know… there is so much out there…are we pretty enough, thin enough, popular …. it doesn’t matter with God!!! this is something we must get across to our daily! Thanks, for yours words:)
this is something we must get across to our daughters daily
Thanks for the words of encouragement. We can all take something from this post. God Bless. Can’t wait to see what you have in store for tomorrow.
I’ve been there before – wondering, “What am I doing here?” I have to honestly tell you I’m still not sure what I was doing there – ha ha! But I did realize that God knew I had a different purpose than I had even imagined and it was encouraging others. I was there for my benefit, but really I think my ministry wasn’t about writing or speaking, but just praying for writers and speakers. What a blessing to see finished works that have come out of those prayers!
Wow, this one hit very close to home. I have been attending church basically by myself for the past few years because my husband is preaching for a small country congregation and my son needs interaction with a youth group so we have been attending a larger congregation in town. Our son sits with the youth, so basically I am at church alone. I sooo miss having my husband by my side–someone always to be with. I sit alone in the worship service. That doesn’t bother me so much, but going to bible class really bothers me. Many Sundays, I am sitting alone with a seat on either side of me because everyone else has paired up with their spouse. It makes me feel so inferior and I do compare myself to them. I need to start concentrating on blessing them and getting something out of the class and probably even more important contributing something to the class. Thanks for the wake up call!
The first time I attended She Speaks, I remember hearing the message on comparison. How important that was for me and all of us to hear. As God has continued to mold me into the woman He wants me to become, I have realized that every interaction is an opportunity to learn from someone else or be a blessing to them. Thank you for the reminder. As satan has worked hard to keep me overly busy with family things before I attend She Speaks again this year, I need to remember that my God is mightier!!! He does truly have a plan for me. Looking forward to seeing you and all the P31 speakers again. Blessings.
I loved what you said about gleaning from these people so that you could be blessed. Many times in my day I let little things get to me. A person may irritate me. I am going to start really looking at them and then letting myself be blessed. Thank you and have a blessed day.
Thank you again. Lysa. I appreciate the reminder to set my choices and attitude before I even step on the plane. I know I was moved by God to attend this conference, and I’m choosing to be blessed no matter what the enemy tries to throw my way.
Lysa,
The several posts you have shared recently give us a glimpse of your heart for God and others and reveals why God has entrusted you with such an awesome ministry.
With each post you have blessed me more than you know. Not just from the content of the message but also because of the obvious heart of the messenger.
Thank you, my sister, for following God out loud.
Comparing, easy to fall into, and very damaging. Our callings are as different as each of us are. I am not the same girl who started out timidly in High School ministry 20 + years ago. My course, has been different so its hard to compare most of the time. But when I do fall into the comparison trap I climb out of it by trying to truly appreciate the gift God as given them by the fact of how they are blessing me by encouraging me in my walk with the Lord.
Thank you , Lysa! These are wonderful words of encouragement. I’ve found If I go to a conference looking for ways to bless and encourage others, I usually end up being blessed. This is my first She Speaks Conference, and I can’t wait for all
God is going to do in and through me. Thanks for your leadership and heart to help us develop our gifts.
Blessings,
Carrie
“Our calling is never to one up the next girl. It is to raise up the name of Jesus and live his truths in an authentic way. Period. Nothing else.” So true. So good to remember. Thanks Lysa! I’m loving these posts – so encouraging and challenging!
I believe when we compare ourselves in a bad way we short ourselves and God so much. Great post I will be forwarding on to my girlfriends. We all need to hear this!
Lysa,
I am leaving tomorrow for She Speaks. Nervous. Excited. Yep. And encouraged by this post. I believe this word that you’ve written right here is for me. Thank you. Truly.
Can’t wait to see you in two days…
Thanks Lysa for putting things in perspective. I too, like so many others have had this feeling several times. Your words of wisdom and honesty have hit home again and I feel very empowered and blessed. My daughter will be getting this as well for she has such lack of confidence. Thank God for you!!!!
Thanks Lysa for your words of wisdom. My husband heard your morning thought on the radio and called me to say to encourage my friend that just got a job that I wanted. I really need to encourage her in her new adventure and be content in my own job which is just the same as her new one. Thank you for giving encouragement to us who need a new perspective.
I appreciate your thoughts and experience as I am at this cross road…I know I have received the call to serve the Lord…I have begun with baby steps using my blog…and I do believe I have 5 reading….what a miracle…God uses each of us with the skills and talents he has endowed us with…Praise be.
Love it, love it, love it. I was concerned for a time that coming to a writing conference would mean giving in to the “Me Promotion” mentality. These blogs so encourage my heart and affirm that I am in the right place. Thanks Lysa for this post. I am looking forward to learning from you and the other speakers, the team and all the other ladies. I have already learned so much from Proverbs 31 Ministries but I know that God has so much more in store.
Oh, Lisa! How I needed your words today. Not because today is any more competitive in nature than in other day for me. It’s just that this seems to be a perpetual problem for me. So many of your words resonated with me – other people’s platforms, ministries, and messages seeming so much more powerful, more compelling; my own seeming so shallow and hollow.
But I do think God and I have been working on this lately and I’ve made some progress. I feel more determined than ever to just fulfill His assignment for me, whether I minister, as you say, to 5 or 500. And I can honestly say I am more content with that assignment than ever. Still, I need words of reminder and encouragement like yours today. Thanks for being right on!
thats awesome i love getting proverbs 31 in my email and its touched so many women you have definatly made your impact
Thanks for this. I found myself thinking negative thoughts about a girl in the locker room this morning at the gym. She always hogs the best mirror, and my crankiness was getting the best of me. This helps put things in perspective.
So true my friend. God has been reminding me of this very thing. I won’t deny admitting that tears flowed when a precious friend happened to be at the right place at the right time to see the opening of some doors…doors she hadn’t even been seeking…”my doors”…doors I had spent months, weeks, days and hours preparing for…it seemed almost cruel. Then to hear that my sister, who has never attended the conference, also had some writing opportunities presented to her while I was away. Tough stuff. Didn’t God see how I had taken so many risks and followed Him? Yet, as quickly as the enemy wanted to steal my joy the Lord reminded me of His delight in my obedience, and that regardless of the outcome He was rejoicing over me with singing. The Lord enabled me to celebrate sincerely with the others and He revealed to me that He gave me great victory as I stepped out in faith and trusted Him completely.
Not my will, but Thine be done,
Joy