Raw emotions; those feelings we hide from others but spew on those we love the most.
I’ve spent my life trying to keep my raw emotions in check. I’m a Christian woman who loves Jesus and her family passionately but can get thrown for a loop emotionally and show it.
Not to the world at large mind you. Oh no, I’m patient and loving and extraordinarily kind to the grocery clerk, the UPS delivery woman, and even the sometimes snippy clerk at the returns counter who doesn’t appreciate my inability to keep receipts. They get my best.
It’s the people I absolutely love the most that sometimes get my worst. I hate that.
And it’s usually the smallest, dumbest things that set me off and send me into a tizzy. One of my kids forgetting to do the dishes last night though I reminded them 3 times before I went to bed. My husband saying something with a slight edge and quickness to his voice. One of my teenagers taking too long to run an errand and not answering their cell phone when I call over and over.
These are those things that make my heart race and spark something raw and ugly to spew out of my lips. The same lips that give tender kisses and get lost in praising God on Sunday mornings. The same lips that say I love you a thousand times. Yes, those same lips that then get swept away in chaotic feelings and go to bed in tears asking, “God why do I sometimes act the way I acted today? Please help me. Please forgive me.”
I have to think I’m not alone in struggling with feeling like I’m quite simply coming unglued at times. Not all the time. That’s what makes this complicated. I can go long stretches of time where I finally feel like I’ve mastered my emotions and my heart tilts back to an even keel.
But then out of the blue some circumstance bangs its fist down on my little glue bottle and ugly, sticky gunk shoots out on someone I love. And the sad thing about me coming unglued is inevitably, it sticks things on them I never intended.
That’s why I think it’s high time to stand up and honestly tackle this issue that can’t be solely blamed on hormones. Sure hormones play a part in this but they can’t be my excuse. The Bible promises it is possible for God’s girls to practice self-control.
And I can’t find the escape clause where self control is possible except in times of hormonal flux. Trust me, I’ve looked.
But as I looked, I did find hope that God doesn’t want me to be a slave to my raw emotions. As a matter of fact, I’ve gained some confidence it is actually possible to boss them around a bit. Tangled inside my anger, anxiety and other emotions that beg my heart to betray the woman I want to be, is a glorious hope.
That’s what I want to chat about this week.
So, I have some questions for you:
* Do you ever struggle with raw emotions?
* Which raw emotions trip you up sometimes?
Lysa, Thanks for your insight. I love your blog!
Kimberly
I am so glad to hear women of God (who I have no doubt are much more mature in their faith than I am) speak so honestly. My raw emotions that I am dealing with right now are resentment and anger. With a husband who has been out of work for almost 2 years it is hard not to resent that the people who put him out of work have turned my family's life upside down and now I have to work again and miss being with my children while they (the people who put him out of work) get to go on and prosper and have jobs! I pray that God will help me forgive these people and move forward in my walk with him.
Lysa,
Amen to all that you said. Reading the comments I see that I am not alone. Praise God!
My emotions come out when it's hot just like another sister mentioned above – so I don't do well in the summer. Oh who am I kidding? It gets the best of me during the other seasons, too! My problem is impatience. As a Mom, I have a lot of things on my mind: tasks, appointments, dinner menu(hate this!), budget, etc. If I tell someone to take out the trash I expect them to do it soon, otherwise I have to keep juggling that in my head along with a host of other things. I want it gone so I can scratch it off my mental list.
I also agree that it is the enemy who seeks to undermine our witness to our family. Especially to those who are married to unbelievers. What would prompt them to come to Christ if we're raving emotional messes all the time?
Thanks for tackling this issue. Blessings to you.
This topic has been heavy on my heart for some time. Before I became a Christian 4 years ago, my raw emotions were out of control. I have gotten better in this area, but I still fall short. I find myself trying to control and manipulate situations, so that I can avoid going to my "ugly place".
And I agree completely with what Grace and Peace said, "I also agree that it is the enemy who seeks to undermine our witness to our family. Especially to those who are married to unbelievers. What would prompt them to come to Christ if we're raving emotional messes all the time?"
I look forward to reading more of your thoughts on this tough topic of raw emotions.
Sweet Blessings to you, Lysa, and all of you ladies here.
Lysa,
Wow! I'm a few days behind on reading my different blogs, e-mails, etc., but this so sounds like me! I guess it's good to know I'm not the only one, but I hate that we all (and our loved ones) have to go through these things.
Personally, I'm frequently impatient and then that makes me angry! The thing is I truly can always remember being this way. Growing up I was the oldest of three. I have a younger brother and sister, my brother being born on my 2nd birthday and he's 17 months older than my sister! I recall that I would put up with them bugging me and finally it would be that last little thing that would send me over the edge. It might be something small, not the biggest offense of the day, that would make me lose my cool. That's still how I am today with my own kids. Often, I wish I could handle my anger, sadness, frustration, impatience, etc. better. I know negative emotions must be neccessary to keep us grounded or something, but the world sure would be a nicer place if we could just live without them!
Wow, I just struggled with a situation so like this one on Monday! Thank you so much for posting on this topic–God really spoke to me through this. Situations which leave me with no grace for others are inevitably those that trigger my own self-pity–those times when I feel like no one takes my situation into account although I always have to go out on a limb for them. How frustrated I am with myself following those times when I don't watch my tone and tongue with my family members when those situations arise! May God help us to have grace in those times when we just don't feel like offering His love, remembering that He always has grace for us!
Wow, you must be my twin, lol. I am afraid to admit, that I do the exact same way. As a matter of fact, my daughter asked me the other day, "why are you sooo nice to my friend and snappy with me"? Talk about slap in the face. I felt so bad, but it made me realize that I need to just as nice to my kids & hubby, as I do the lady at the counter. Sometimes, it is easier said then done.
Trust me, you are not alone in this, at all.
Thank you , Lisa, for your transparency. I have a prayer request for my oldest daughter who has a definite call of God on her life. She is chosing to follow her flesh right now rather than God. This comes on the heels of her father's announcement to take the pastorship of a church. Please pray that God will keep her from making foolish mistakes that carry lifelong consequences. I know she can be such a blessing to so many. Thank you again for being a blessing too!
Though I'm single and have no children, I'm a teacher and find myself doing this with my students. I get up in the morning and pray to be a good example and model Christ's love, but by the end of the day (and sometimes long before) I'm frustrated and yelling and being nasty. I'd never do this if someone were around to see it, but alone in my classroom, it's easy to give in and get overwhelmed, and then I feel guilty. So, it's not just moms who struggle, but us surrogate stand-in teacher/moms too.
HI , YES, I STRUGGLE WITH RAW EMOTIONS ESPECIALLY WHEN MY DAUGHTER JUST CAME HOME FROM BEING IN PRISON AND DRUG FREE OVER A YEAR AND HALF AND WENT BACK TO SAME PLACE AND STARTED ON DRUGS AGAIN, YES, I YELL AND SCREAM AT HURT AND HATE HER AT TIMES LIKE THESE AND HER 3 CHILDREN HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS MESS AGAIN. I HURT SO BAD INSIDE I COULD DIE SOMETIMES OVER THIS . THANK YOU TO LET ME VENT. RAE
I WOULD BE SO GRATEFUL IF YOU PRAY FOR ME, AND MY FAMILY. GOD HAS BLESSED MY LIFE SO MUCH MORE THAN I DESERVE. I AM REALLY FALLING SHORT… I TRY TO BE AN INSTRUMENT FOR OTHERS, I PRAY THAT GOD WOULD USE ME TO BRING OTHERS TO HIM. HOWEVER, I HAVE A SECRET THAT I CANNOT GET AWAY FROM. ABOUT 7 YEARS AGO I HAD WUIT SMOKING FOR THREE YEARS. SOMEHOW TWO YEARS AGO, SATAN FOUND A WAY TO BRING ME DOWN, AN I AM FALLING HARD. I CANT SEEM TO WUIT ON MY OWN, NOR DOES MY FAMILY KNOW THAT I HAVE STARTED AGAIN. IN MY HEAD I KNOW I HAVE THE ONLY TOOL I NEED, JESUS. BUT FOR WHATEVER REASON I CANT LET GO OF THIS HABIT. IT IS NOW CONTROING MY VERY BLESSED LIFE. GUILT CONSUMES ME, I SEARCH FOR WAYS TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE ALONE, SO I CAN SMOKE. I AM MISSING OUT ON ALL OF THE BLESSINGS I HAVE IN MY LIFE. I BEG FOR PRAYER, FOR HEALING. THANKS YOU
I am leaving this as a prayer request and wasn't sure where exactly to post this. I have been married for 8 1/2 years. Everything has been fine. Trying to have a child, no fighting, intamacy was not an issue. 2 weeks ago my husband called me at work (at a new job I must add) and told me he was leaving. There was a new woman at work that had a hot body and fine. Now this woman after checking into her background has ruined 4 other marriages and has had countless men living with her even 1 a week before my husband moved in with her. The day after he moved in with her after knowing her 2 months he was getting papers online to file for divorce. I went and got my own attorney and filed myself. I have stuck with him through one bout of unfaithfulness and never thought this would happen again. I am having a really hard time coping and dealing with everyday life. I have had to get on anti-depressants to function and have a hard time praying in the low state that I am in. I am trying to find a support group and be proactive in the situation. I deeply love him but don't think I could ever trust him again and put me and the kids through this turmoil again. Please pray for me to have strength, power, and a straight head through all of this. We go to court next Thursday and I know it's going to be extremely hard for me. I appreciate all the prayers. Love in Christ, Sarah ~
Hi Lysa,
Thanks for your honesty. I thought I was the only mom who suffered these "ill emotions". Yes I am still working on self control. Please pray for me to have a closer walk with God, filled with His Holy Spirit and walk accordingly.
I've never posted a prayer request on a blog before, but sure am in need of the prayers of others. Please pray for my heart to be calm, that God would help me use the power he's given me and the wisdom to get my priorities straight.. to remember that He is Lord of my life, He is my first priority…and my fear and pain would leave.
Thank you for the blessing of your writing!!
I took have this problem. For years I would say nothing, Keep all my emotions inside. I come from abusive husband. He doesn't beat me or anything like that. He is so negative, so over powering. Now as I am older I am nice to everyon but to my husband and Mother. I don't know why I am ulgy to her but I am. Please pray for me and emotions and my self control. I am so ashamed. I want to be the loving person that I should be.
I have been really struggling lately. I feel like my insecurities cause me to be someone I don't like. No matter how much I pray and try to let go, I keep finding myself in old habits. I know I am going through a lot and that could be part of the problem. I am having relationship problems with my boyfriend of 7 years pulling away and wanting space, I work full time, go to school, have conflict within my family that I get pulled into….sometimes I feel like everyone is living the life that I want to live. I am really discouraged with my life and feel so lost and confused.
I let my stress get the best of me and after a long day at work I return home feeling exhausted and regretfully my husband becomes a target. I'm struggling to keep my raw emotions in check and not letting them control my relationship with my husband.
I can so iddentify with your post about Raw Emotions-everything you mentioned is exactly what I experience and struggle with. Just the other night I was anrgy with myself because I snapped and my youngest daughter because I was wasn't feeling well and was trying to go to bed early and she kept disturbing me so I shouted at her and then later realized that it was uncalled for and I could have said wanted I needed to in a better way-it happens often-It helps to know though that I'm not in this struggle alone..I will continue to strive to be the woman that God wants me to be and will pray for all of you who are struggling with the same issues and please remember me in prayer too
I can so iddentify with your post about Raw Emotions-everything you mentioned is exactly what I experience and struggle with. Just the other night I was anrgy with myself because I snapped and my youngest daughter because I was wasn't feeling well and was trying to go to bed early and she kept disturbing me so I shouted at her and then later realized that it was uncalled for and I could have said wanted I needed to in a better way-it happens often-It helps to know though that I'm not in this struggle alone..I will continue to strive to be the woman that God wants me to be and will pray for all of you who are struggling with the same issues and please remember me in prayer too
I struggle with my emotions so much of the time. So interesting how I have patience with those outside my home but "attack" those who love me most. I continue to strive against where my emotions take me, but confess that I often fail. Thanks for your encouraging devotional.
I have been struggling with this a lot lately. I am overtired often and that is not helping but after reading this today I knew I needed to choose my reactions rather than letting how I feel control me. Thank you. Kelly
Don't we all struggle with this at times!! I've found that the closer I get to God, the quicker I'm able to call on Him when I feel these emotions surfacing. Anger at my husband is my trouble spot. I've learned to be still before I speak or act in anger and call on God. It works – He's there. Sometimes I have to respond to my husband with kinder, gentler words that God has given me but I'm not quite feeling til I say them. I'm not that disciplined all the time, but have learned to trust God more and more during these times and it's made a difference in my relationship with my husband. Respect and patience given is usually returned.
Thank you Lysa and ladies who have posted in response to this topic. I must admit, I too struggle in this area of raw emotions/out of control.My husband and son are my targets of frustration & anger.Times when I'm dealing with trying to make ends meet, and make sure they are ok, and when things are not looking very good, they generally expect me to fix things and make things work out,but during those times I feel overwhelmed & become frustrated & angry.This is when the glue bottle burst open. Then I end up feeling disappointed with myself for loosing control.All I can do is go back to the Lord and repent,and ask the people I love & hurt to forgive me,and I have to try again to handle the situation differently. I thank God, I am seeing some improvements.My explosive episodes are becoming less frequent.
I find it to be absolutely refreshing to be able to share in this blog that I absolutely struggle in this same area. I have recognized it as fear trying to creep its way into my life and unravel the deep relationships that I have formed with the ones that I love. At times I appear mean, short, abrasive and it's almost as if I am watching myself from the outside in (the best way I can explain it). But I believe in God's ability to change this heart of mine and I look forward to it.
Hi Lysa,
I’m new. My daughter gave my your sight to help me. Bless her heart. I am struggling with raw emotions with my Mom dying 2 years ago and my Dad last November. Plus a lot of more emotions set in for confussion. I look forward to reading your daily inspirational talks. I am also struggling on not knowing God like I should, want to, need to, and despertly seeking God’s love. Thank you for offering this site to people who need someone to talk to. I’m sure it will help just letting it all out to someone, even If I don’t know you.. Thanks again, Gloria
I’m filled with resentment against my husband. As time goes on I’m convinced I made a mistake in marrying him. Actually have considered divorce, except I’m a christian, so I’m believing God to work in my heart to love, respect, appreciate my husband and be submissive to him. We both have explosive tempers, and things just keep going bad, even, and especially when I just finish asking God in intense prayer to help me be the kind of wife He wants me to be. Please pray for me.
Pls pray for me so that i could attain stability. My mind wanders whereever i didn’t want to go. I can’t controll it.
Being an epiletic for over forty years, my husband gets angry very easily. It turns our home up side down at times if he doesn’t crash cars in total loss; two in four years. It gets really unbearable with two teenaged kids and I with menapausal stage. Please, pray for me and my family that my husband becomes more Godly and less angry man. I just went through apendicitis operation which made him very angry for no reason. Thank you for letting express my burden here. May GOD bless you all.
I feel overwhelmed with grief lately. I cry so much over things I have No control over. I worry and have anxieties for me and people in pain.. Plse. keep up your positive advice and kind words.. They seem to make my ordeals and life’s changes a bit more manageable. Oh these Potholes in life ! Sometimes I can’t seem to steer out of them..
God’s blessings to you and all of your followers.. Thank you, Robyn
Lysa, I find that in moments such as this one, I am all tangled up inside and my rational thought goes one way whilst my heart chooses (strangely enough) to become numb. I feel like crying, but it doesn’t come out because I know I don’t need to (my rational mind talking). Yet I know I’ve been affected by what I’d just spoken/listened to in the conversation earlier. Through this maze and mess of emotions, I am trusting and singing along to the worship song: “Yet will I praise thee/lift my hands and sing/Yet will i praise thee/i will bow before the king and/praise thee/give to you my everything/ i lift up my hands to you”
I just read your story and know I understand why I have such a desire towards Proverbs 31 Ministries. I am from Liberian as well as your two sons. I came to the states due to the civil war that started in 1990. I am so glad that you were able to help your two sons and bring them into a place of rest in your home and in your lives. May God continue to bless you and establish the works of your hands. In Jesus Name!!
I am certainly struggling with raw emotions right now, I have just gone through a divorce from an abusive man, but still dealing with the fallout, trying to sell our house. We have an offer on the table and then I find out that he has done all sorts of structural changes to the house without my consent and played the game quite well. His Realtor never told me about it, to say I was slightly angry is an understatement, all the dishonesty, anyhow I’ve decided to be thankful as in this situation I held my ground, he is responsible for all repairs and maintenance, and I am thankful that God allowed me to see through the games and stood up for myself, it is only through His strength and peace that I was able to do so.
I am thankful that God gave me a sweet son at the age of 35 and a loving husband.
I am also thankful that God has given my parents long life to see their grandchildren
I am thankful to God that i am healthy
Sometimes I get confused in my emotions, nothing is what I thought it would be in life. I relate exactly to what you spoke of. I am now understanding the true meaning of followship. Especially with true christines not perfect people but honest people to the best of their abilities.
Yes, I struggle with raw emotions. When I’ve had a stressful day and my teenage daughter has had a stressful day and our emotions collide. We put each other to the test. That is the day that I was caught off guard by what she said to me. I had never reacted that way and hope I never will again. Thanks Lysa for being honest with your devotions. They really speak to my heart.
Yep…I can COMPLETELY relate to this!
Yes I have these raw emotions alot towards my inlaws who are four women who aren’t married and I’m married to thier son or brother and they have to barge into our life and make it miserable. Sometime I want to say Get your own Husband! Then I have to pray and ask God to help me..
For like the past two weeks now, whenever I do something and come and sit down at my computer to read Proverbs 31, it’s like it is addressing me directly. Today the morning was so bad, with me and my sis really going at each other. I felt hurt afterwards and asked God for forgiveness. I don’t want to have a hot temper, I would like those episodes to be less and less coz it seems they are growing more and more. I trust the Lord will help me control my anger because I really need it now more than ever.
I am so touched, Lysa, by your transparency in your writings. Are you my alter ego? We even have the same name! I wonder how long you’ve been a Christ follower. I have for over 30 years now and still struggle with raw emotion, genes, misapprehension of who exactly God is. I’m about to do your study on “Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl”…the key word being ‘good’. Sure would love for that puzzle piece to drop into place. Perhaps your book will help since you seem to have experienced much of the same emotional entanglements. Thank you for your openness and honesty.
I fully relate to your experience with raw emotions!! My lack of patience towards my husband and kids is mind-boggling. I consistently struggle with appreciating their uniquenesses.
I can completely relate to this. Thanks for sharing, it’s a relief knowing that someone else struggles with the same things that I do. You give me hope!
OMGoodness Lysa! Can you come with me to an event that is possibly life changing & explain what a raw emotion is? Wish I could reveal more but its best not to in public! BUT IF YOU ONLY KNEW!