Yesterday I started a story about Brooke. Just in case you missed it, I’ll go back and catch you up a bit…
A few days ago I drove Brooke to school. On the way she ate her gourmet breakfast handmade by the president of Proverbs 31 Ministries- 2 slices of buttered toast. One piece of which was an end piece.
The bane of my child’s existence is a piece of bread with the crust still attached. So, you can imagine the sheer happiness she felt when one whole piece of her toast was nothing but crust. Absolute joy.
Anyhow, after she picked and licked and chewed little pieces from the center, her plate was full of crumbs. Crumbs that I didn’t want all over my already nasty vehicle. So, as we pulled to the front of the school I simply said, “Brooke, please carry your paper plate of crumbs with you and throw it away.”
You would have thought I just sprouted six clueless heads and told the child to take a ten pound sack of trash with her. She wanted no part of carrying a paper plate of crumbs up to the front of her school.
Her reaction frustrated me.
Mentally, I started ticking off in my brain everything I’d done for that child that very morning. With each item on the very long list I felt my heart getting more and more revved up. This all happened in nano-seconds which is what makes these raw emotions so tough.
My emotional heart moves faster than my rational mind.
That’s why I must pause-pause-pause before my mouth speaks. I have to redirect the place from which my words will come. If they come from my fast moving, revved up, irrational, heart- I will react out of my feelings in the moment.
If however, they come from my more rational mind- I can see things more clearly and react more appropriately.
So, I wisely chose in this situation to pause. And that’s when I could see very clearly what was really bothering me in this situation. Ungratefulness is a huge trigger for me.
I’m all about giving, loving, and serving until someone pulls the ungrateful card on me and wham! My tame emotions become raw in an instant.
Since that was the real problem here, I was able to calmly address this with a logical consequence, “Brooke, I’m asking you to take this plate up to the trashcan and throw it away. If you choose not to do this, there will be a consequence. This afternoon you will need me to do something for you. And if you say no to me now, you are begging me to say no to you this afternoon.”
I won’t tell you she was suddenly all smiles and giggles. But, she did throw the paper plate away. And even if she hadn’t, I was empowered by having a logical consequence to speak loudly so I didn’t have to.
Now, I wish this had been the way I reacted the rest of day to other situations in my home. We have a lot of kids so we have a lot of situations.
I didn’t remember to pause other times. That’s where God’s grace steps in and reminds me old habits sometimes die hard.
I can’t do this on my own. I have to keep asking God for His super natural strength to invade my very wild heart.
“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever,” (Psalm 73:26).
How are you doing sweet sister? What are you learning? Do you have any verses that are particularly helpful in taming your raw emotions?
One last note… Holly is excited to announce, her husband Dan has a job and they don’t have to move! And do you know what’s really amazing? The day their severance pay from his old job runs out is the day his new job is scheduled to begin. Praise the Lord!
Hello Lysa,
i'm a day late,but I can't help but write to let you know this story is a tremendous insight for me. For many years now I act on my raw, wild emotions and did so just yesterday. My marriage is very unstable and I feel like I want out. I keep thinking that that if I remove part of the problem..there will peace again. We have 3 small children and I long for them to live in a peaceful home. I am a peaceful person, but my husband is a unhelpful, uncaring and self absorbed. I am left to be on 24×7. At times I just pop…it seems more and more! I feel out of control and I loathe the afterward feelings, today!! Please pray for me/us, need to learn to pause, pause, pause! Thank u! Blessings to u and your ministry.
Lysa, thanks so much for the open window to your heart. I have been dealing with raw emotions, and all the other topics this week. Spouse and I have been unemployed since November and just found out no more benefits for me and I panicked. I know Jesus is my Shepherd and I panicked! Emotions flooded me till I thought I would drown. I asked the Lord to help me with my emotions and to trust in Him and then I read your bogs again and again and I am choosing to trust God and let Him rule my emotions and to focus on the TRUTH of His Word.
Thanks again.
Joan
I am new to this site and love it! It is so nice to be with like minded women. The raw emotions topic really hit home this week as my oldest daughter (19) is leaving home to go to another state. Not for college or anything like that, just doesn't want to be home because we don't support her lifestyle. The verse from Psalm 73:26 will be one I memorize. Please pray for Alyssa. Let's pray for all our children!
Thank you Lysa, I have just recently come to your site & getting the daily emails. I am so encouraged and so much of what you say speaks directly to my heart. I struggle with raw emotions and I think my pause button needs a little electric jolt fitted to it to train me!!
I feel so touched that you offer to pray for me (for all of us) as I was reading through the comments above and praying for the ladies and heir families I can see that we all face
similar battles and struggles & your post has touched so many people- thank you for teaching us!
If you would pray for me as a mum- I am really struggling at the moment to be the Godly mum I need and want to be- I feel so tired and frustrated and am yelling way too much
hie my sister i just felt encouraged by the encouragement of the day article i read today.Iam feeling very hurt at the moment coz i feel that my husband is having an affair he leaves the house about twice a week just saying i will be back soon.i just pray for the Lord to restore peace and happiness in our marriage.i pray that the Lord reveal to me what he really is doing coz he pretends that everything is okay and yet he never used to do this before.please pray for me.
It's funny, I've read some of your books, including your latest, and enjoyed them very much. It never dawned on me to search out a blog for you. I will take you up on your offer to pray for us because the cry of my heart this morning was for someone to pray for our situation. We are in desperate need of a good gastro doctor for my oldest son. He has asperger's syndrome and Crohn's disease. He feels totally abandoned by his gastro doctors here, and I don't know how else to help or where to turn. Thank you. A very discouraged mom.
Congratulations to Holly's hubby on the new job and YaY God for His always perfect timing! Your posts the last couple of days made me see some issues in a new light. I have been reacting to a certain issue from a place of raw emotion and didn't even realize it. Thanks as always for your encouragement and insight.
Terry
Hi Lysa,
Thank you so much for your encouraging words. God speaks to me through your daily encouragement every single day. I just have a prayer request. I'm a young woman who has been through verbal, physical, and emotional abuse for years with the relationships I've been in, and even through family. It's really unbearable sometimes, B/c I feel so lonely and sometimes really insecure. It hurts so much when the people you care about the most turn against you and say or do hurtful things. God has given me a vision, and I have big dreams and goals for my future, but feel discouraged and insecure sometimes by what people say, and I just feel like giving up. I don't have a lot of support and I don't think others close to me feel I have that potential to do what God has promised. Would you please pray for me? I would like to walk strong and have complete faith that God will do what he promised in me and not worry about others who've hurt me. I just don't feel so confident about myself anymore. Thank you for your prayers and encourgement, God Bless you!
Lysa,
I have to tell you that I am not not an avid church goer & I haven't read any of the bible since I was a teen (I'm 32 now). I think it's been atleast 2yrs since I've gone to church with my mom. I have never found it necessary to go since I know I'm a "believer". With that said I definitely think there was some devine intervention in my finding the Proverbs31 site. I have a 4yr old son & a 2.5yr daughter. One night as I was a prisoner sleeping on my daughters floor (because she would cry every time I walked out), I overheard an ad for the site on the radio. I'm not sleeping on the floor anymore, but the challenges of being a Mom has been taking it's toll on me physically & mentally. I have been feeling inadequate, guilty, under appreciated, you name it I've felt it. My raw emotions have been getting the best of me. A couple months ago I remembered the ad, searched for it, & found you! I have visited weekly since then & have found an enormous amount of reason, calm, & serenity in your words (this week especially). I have practiced pause, pause, pause diligently & it's working. I despise lashing out at the kids & I can no longer handle screaming at the top of my lungs. When my son looked at me & asked me why I was always yelling at him all the time, I knew something had to change. You have helped me more in the past 2 months than any advice or article I've received or read. So thank you, thank you, thank you for your wisdom, keep it up, & I can't wait for next week.
p.s. Please say a prayer for our troops.
Please say a prayer for my 16 year old daughter–in a mode of "I hate myself" Thank you.
God is so good! And His timing is impeccable.
Thank you, thank you for this blog post also, I tend to speak before my brain thinks and seeing that a sister has the same issue and is working on it is encouraging. If I literally "bit my tongue" as I recently have been doing instead of speaking, then the speaking problem would literally be taken care of, my tongue would be gone.
Thank you and may we all remember to "pause, pause, pause".
Hi Lysa. Thank u so much for the encouraging word. I read today's devotion and couldn't help it but to start crying. Its almost as if you were talking to me personally. I have been depressed for quite some time now;a lot of challenges in my life and then the feeling that nobody really cares or bothers about me. nobody finds out how i really am doing and people just take me for granted.Almost like having people tell you that you are of no significance.I am usually chatty and bubbly and cracking jokes here and there but as a result of what's happening i have just drawn away from people to protect myself. and though i go to God and honestly talk to Him and just remind myself of His assurances i find myself going right back into the mode of thinking that aggravates how it is i feel and leaves me feeling sad and drained of energy. It is quite a struggle i have going on inside but i know by God's grace that i will come out in one piece. I only ask that you offer up a prayer for me. God bless you
Dear Lysa, yes I need prayer, reading your message on twirling made me feel so for real. I'm going through something right now in my life that I never thought would happen to me or I would feel this way. My son & his father seem to have grown apart. My son loves his father so much, wants his approval, but its like he doesn't care or love him. I'm in deep prayer & help on this issure "PLEASE" I'm going crazy, I have faith, but like you said I need some insurrance on this one. HELP pray for my son's father & him that they can regain that relationship please.
Ramona
Lysa
I need to pause and remember that God loves me
Even though it appears that my 18 year old son does not. We are going through a terrible time of rebellion with him and that little boy who adored his mommy appears to want me out of his life right now struggling for his independence. The problem is he is also struggling with his dependence on God too. I am in DESPERATE need of prayer..
Thank you,
Patti
Lysa,
I've learned so much from P31 and you adn truly appreciate everything. Good luck with your daily praises and struggles and thanks for sharing and enlightening as you go through your journey.
Thanks for the gentle reminder. I have found reading through your blog & my P31 in my inbox that I am a lot like you. I think most Moms probably are in dealing with emotions and family!
Julie
That's been the story of my life lately with my kids!! Ungratefulness really sets me into some pretty mean emotions really quick!! I hate when I do that so I definitely need to be pausing more often!! Thank you for the reminder!!
Yaay for Holly!! and a BIG Praise God!!
Wow! You hit home here! If anyone understands hormones & emotions it's me! Awww…the joys of being a woman!(I wouldn't trade it for the world though lol)
But seriously, I loved the verse you gave because He is the Strength of my heart!
I don't know if these verses relate but the Lord keeps bringin them to my mind this week cause I always am FEELING responsible for the "how" & I have to remember THE LORD KNOWS & HE KNOWS HOW!
2 Peter 2:9(HCSB)
"Then the LORD knows how to rescue the godly from trials…"
Psalm 103:14 (NIV)
"for He knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust."
Love & Prayers
)
Monica
P.S. That's awesome about Holly's husband! PTL!
Oh how exciting for Holly & Dan!!!! God is so exciting to be around! He's just more than we deserve that's for sure! I love the Pause~Pause~Pause and that will stick with me. I'm learning about Daniel right now through my Beth Moore study of him and the verse that I just wrote on a note card to memorize this week is Daniel 1:8 But Daniel resolved not to defile himself with the royal food and wine, and he asked the chief official permission not to defile himself this way. I just love that…Daniel resolved. So, this week I will pause~pause~pause and resolve ahead of time not to fall into the trap my enemy has set for me with my speech, reaction, body, etc. One thing Beth said in the study is this: "We will live lives of integrity on purpose, or we will not do it at all."
Wow, how amazingly you put words to the war inside of me. Thank you for allowing me for just a moment to be just like so many other women. I hold myself to such high standards, then am more angry at myself then at the situation that set me off when I forget to pause. “My emotional heart moves faster than my rational mind.” That’s it in a nutshell. But the world..it makes us women need to move so fast. Rushing always in a hurry, pushing and pushing to get it all done and leave the day with accomplishments. So that leaves pause pause pause a bit harder to do for me. Oh how I pray everyday for God to slow up the pace so I can pause not only to catch my tongue before it is hurtful but to catch my heart before it becomes tangled. And pause for just that nano second to hear God’s Holy Spirit give me the words that “He’s got me” Thanks for this place I can go to realize I’m not alone. Thanks Lysa
When you spend all day everyday with your flesh and blood…….well………I have a lot of room for improvement in this very area…… The ungratefulness factor is so much of a pet peeve with me, too…. Lord, give me strength and help my tongue not to bleed excessively……but above all, turn the very things that irk me into comical situations!
What wonderful news for Holly and her husband!!! God is so good. My husband is still underemployed, but I praise the Lord for improving his attitude, and motivating him to work on his resume. Now, I just need to practice that Pause, Pause, Pause thing a little more, especially with school out!!! Blessings!
Just found your blog out of the Proverbs 31 magazine and I have to say that I have read two of your blogs and feel like some one finally understands. This past week I was in raw emotion central and came across this scripture. Psalm 39: 1-3 I said I will watch my ways and keep my tongue from sin; I will put a muzzle on my mouth as long as wicked are in my presence. But when I was silent and still not even saying anything good my anguish increased. My heart grew hot within me and as I mediated the fire burned; then I spoke with my tongue. This would describe my raw emotions. But thank God for his grace.