Ten years ago I sat in a seminar listening to a very organized mom talking about how she parented her kids.
She was amazing.
A super-mom in my eyes.
I held up my feeble efforts with my three toddlers and determined I stunk as a mother. I thought that maybe if I went home and imitated her, I could enter into the world of super moms.
I mentally listed out what I discerned must be her secret to success and set about to be just like her.
But it didn’t take long to become absolutely miserable. I mentally beat myself up for not having what it obviously took to be a great mom. What was wrong with me?
I begged God to make me just like her- that really good Mom.
And then one day in Bible study I read the story of Mary, the teenage mother of Jesus. My heart beat fast as I realized she didn’t meet the standard of super mom I’d set for myself.
Somehow, just as she was, God chose her to be Jesus’ mother. And the only qualification that she seemed to have was her willingness.
I made the choice to try and let go of all those expectations I had for myself as a mom. I let go of the comparisons to other moms. I laid down the measuring stick of perfection. And I simply bowed my head and gave God my willingness.
Nothing more.
Slowly, I started to see my own unique qualities as a mom instead of always focusing on the places I felt I fell so short.
I may not be the most organized mom, but I’m a fun mom willing to drop my to do list in the name of spontaneity.
I may not do sit down devotions with my kids every morning, but I’m good at helping my kids see God working in situations all throughout our days.
I may not sew a lick, but I know where to find an alterationist that is the bomb.
I may not always keep my cool in the everyday aggravations of life, but throw something big at me and somehow I’ll be the most calm person in the room.
Sure, I have a lot of room for growth in my mothering. God and I work on things daily. But over the past ten years I’ve learned how to embrace who I am and the beauty of living fully as me.
And while I still fall short at times, I’ve finally learned that being fully me is so much better than an imitation version of someone else.
I have the exact qualities God knew my kids would need in a mother. So, each day I hold up my willingness and ask God to make me the best version of me I can be.
Have you ever struggled with this? Whether it’s in the arena of motherhood or your workplace or one of the many places we unfairly compare ourselves to others- realize your great qualities and be fully you.
As a special encouragement to you, I am giving away one copy of my book, ‘Am I Messing Up My Kids?‘ Just tell me why you or a friend of yours needs this book!
This is a great post. May I say a quick prayer using something very powerfully stated from your blog today?
Father in heaven, thank You for being our Provider. Our strong tower. Our hope. Our Counselor. Our Advocate. We bless Your Holy name! Thank you Father God for giving us the exact qualities that You knew our kids would need in a mother. We yearn for You & diligently seek Your face. Will You help us to daily hold up our willingness to You asking You to make us the best version of ourselves that we can be. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
I was thrilled to hear you speak and meet you in bham at the ewomen’s conference in may i w had planned to buy this book then but it wasnt available. I have really wantes to read it because im really struggling in this area right now. I have a 7 mo old and 6 yr old. My oldest is really struggling with some irational fears right now and i feel like ive done everything wrong. I keep praying and seeking Gods face and i reallt think this book would be a tremendous help! Thanks so much!
All I can say is…. once again ‘Thank you Lysa… for your openess and willingness to share with all of us and teach us that its ok. We dont have to be ‘super- moms’. I have 4 children ages 15, 13, 11 and 6 and there are days I feel like Im the worst Mother in the world… I was such a good Mom when they were babies… but I just dont cope well with tweens and teens!! Im struggling so much with this right now. My whole life all I wanted was to get married, have children and care for them and love them… I never dreamt it would be so hard as they got older! I really do feel as though I am messing up my kids BIG TIME but I think Ive realised with your help, that there are no perfect Moms out there really… they may seem to have it all together, but we dont really know what goes on in their homes. We are all human and the world in which we now live makes being a Christian parent even more tough than ever before! I treasure your blog as it speaks to my heart so often and helps me be a better ‘me’. God has given you such a wonderful gift…
I need the book because I yelled at my kids today
I’m hanging on to your words that “I have the exact qualities God knew my kids would need in a mother.”
I need this book, because as the mother of 7 (9-27) & the grandmother of 1, I see many more failures in my mothering than successes. I have learned so much & am still learning that I tend to see now what I could have/should have done differently & better. I love your point of asking God to make me the best me, not someone else. I am crying as I write this, because I know this is not how God created me. I want to love & enjoy my children & to know that at some point, they will be Godly adults. I don’t want to miss the journey & watch the wonders God will do!
Thank you so much for these wise words! I OFTEN feel like a failure as a mother, as I see other mother’s who work full time, attend all of their kids’ functions perfectly put together, and their house is spotless – when I, who work part-time and from home, can’t do that! Anyway, thank you for reminding me that I don’t have to keep up with the Jones’, I just have to keep up with God. That my friend, is why I need this book
What a GREAT post! Why do we need to hear this over and over and over? The enemy of our soul loves to see us suffer in one of our greatest roles. To feel so inferior in a calling that God has not only prepared and equipped us for, but called us to! I’d love the book – I could use a good shot in the arm!
I am a 48 year old mother and grandmother. I was raised in a pastor’s home. At the age of 11 he became D-cap ( District Christ Ambassadors President -that’s what it was called way back when) then eventually on to become District Superintendent. I grew up attending youth camps all summer long, traveling the district with my parents living a very blessed life and seeing the hand of God move on a regular basis, but at age 18 I became every minister’s nightmare. The rebellious prodigal. After 20+ years of running from God and then experiencing the sudden death of my father who I loved so much my, husband gave his life to God early one morning on our front porch and behind him I followed. God has delivered us from the addictions of drugs and sin and restored our home and marriage. Within a year of becoming born again God birthed a burden for the lost in my husband’s heart and called my husband to preach the Gospel. He has been an on fire soul winner for Christ ever since. Seven years after our giving our lives to Christ, Last Sunday June 27, 2010, we have been called to pastor our 1st church. I finally stopped telling God what I would (evangelizing yes) and wouldn’t ( pastor no) do and just said “yes God.”
Not only have we raised a 25 year old son, who is battling a drug addiction but 3 years clean, A 19 year old daughter who will one day become a world changing Children’s Pastor and a 9 year old daughter who loves God with all her heart and A five month old puppy who is at this very minute barking her head off to come back in off the porch, we adopted our 5 and 6 year old grandchildren last December after two long years of giving them refuge while both of their parents fought a devil called Meth!
I would love to read your book . I find my self being all out of sorts with my young ones more often than not, and not very nurturing at times. I pray everyday for God to fill in the huge gaps I ‘m sure I leave in their lives. I Know God has all of us in the palm of his hand and I know I am so blessed, but alas human and full of faults. Just reading someone’s experiences would, if nothing else, bring a laugh/tear to my heart and help me not feel like the only one. Thank you for listening. I know I just went on out there with it. I don’t get out much ha ha! Now let me go rescue the puppy before she chews the front door off
Wow…I cannot tell you how inadequate as a mom I’ve been feeling lately. Thank you for your words, and this book sounds exactly like what I need.
I just sat in Family Christian less than a week ago pouring through this book. It was a particularly rough week with my kiddos and I was feeling so much guilt over my “stuff” that sometimes pours out of or on my kids. Definitely a book I need.
Very convicting, as always, but SO hard to do!! I’m the organized mom, but I wish I were the spontaneous mom. Really, I do.
Lysa, I have thought on many days I am messing up my kids, especailly in regards to their love of the Lord because I fall so short. Somedays I find myself speaking words of destruction and literally abuse to my kids out of anger, frustration, exhaustion, and disappointment. Then I ask myself how can I praise God with my words, yet hurt my kids so badly that it brings them to tears and I can see their spirits shrinking and breaking a part. Sure this isn’t everyday, every week, or every month, but it’s enough to make a lasting, damaging impact. I should know I grew up in a home were verbal and emotional abuse were always present waiting for an opportunity to present themselves. Knowing this I have tried REALLY hard to break those cycles with my own kids, but at times it’s so hard and I fall. There have been many days when I questioned why God gave my children and seriously wondered if my kids would be better off without me. So, far whenever I have those dark thoughts God always shines a light in my path, but still the thoughts lurk in the back of my mind. If I’m such a mess how can I be good for my kids and if I’m a mess aren’t I messing up my kids too?
Hi Lisa
This is a great one. I always want to spend some happy moments with my children. My younger daughter allow me to kiss her hug her and get her in my arms and round her. But my 13 year old son doesn’t allow this. He didn’t even allow me to touch in his body. I don’t know what is in his mind. I am very much sad about this. I want to be close to him…close to him as good mam and a friend.. Pls pray for this. I love your writings and feelings. Its sometimes same as me. I think like this Lisa.. You are such a good friend of me.. Thank you
Upon marrying my husband two years ago this October, I became a stepmom to a baby who clearly knew I wasnt one of her parents. As time went, I tried to love her as my own but just wasnt getting the ‘click’ I longed for. I gave this relationship to God and asked him to show me how to love her and her to love me. What a joy it was to see this child that had seen me as a caretaker, come up to me, without being prodded to do so, and kiss me. Thank You Lord for giving us the desires of our heart. Now at almost 3, she is constantly giving me love, kisses, hugs and ‘I love you’s’. Now I’m confident that no matter where I’m at in life, God will give me what I need as a mother.
Love this….wow…parenting is a tremendous task and it is easy to feel you are messing your kids up -love the title of the book, can’t wait to get my hands on it and read it! Your ministry is such an inspiration!
Sarah
I loved this post! My friends and I ask that question all the time. We joke that we don’t want our children sitting on a psychiatrist couch in 20 years comparing us to Joan Crawford. But, I know they will thank God for us and what God allowed us to teach them throughout their childhood. Your post has made me take another look at the things I do right as a mother, instead of focusing on the things I do wrong. I thank God for your ministry.
Lysa, what a great reminder for me this morning! I five children, age 6 and under, and I often struggle with this. The organizational/housekeeping aspect of parenting is a constant challenge for me with so many young ones running around! Thank you for your encouragement today! I’ve been wanting to read your book, so I would love to win one!
Thank you so much for sharing this…I too have struggled with the same thing. I appreciate your honesty and transparency! Thanks!!!
I have a son who will be a senior in high school this fall. I was always told that the last year you have a child at home you begin trying to cram all of the teaching that you may not have taught into one year. I find that I am doing that. Please help me not to mess up this last year.
This is beautiful and I needed to hear it today. Well, everyday really. Thank you…
I miss my morning spots rolled up in my big leather chair just me and God. Please pray that God will provide me with another spot just me an him.
Dear Lisa,
I am reading this a few days late, but I know the Lord planned it that way because it spoke directly to my heart, to my need of this morning. I sat with tears streaming down my face as I read your post. I recently met the mother of a friends of my daughter’s and I immediately had the sense that I did not measure up…that my parenting was so dysfunctional compared to hers; that she had it all together spiritually, emotionally, organizationally, etc. I suddenly felt that I would be exposed in all my areas of weakness. Your post was such a tremendous relief to me as I realized once again that God has created us all so uniquely and given us different strengths and different gifts, each designed to minister to our own children in the precise way they need me to. I will bow my head today and pray for the willingness to let God lead me and guide me as a mother and to trust him for the outcome. Thank you so much.
Lysa,
Still struggling daily with those raw emotions, but learning slowly to control them. I have wanted to get you book since the first time I read a excerpt from it in one of your posts. I would like your book, well because frankly, I feel like I’m messing up my kids!
Thanks – I look forward to your encouragement daily.
Hollie
My daughter is struggling so hard with these same feelings. My grandson is only 7 1/2 months old, but she already feels like a failure if she doesn’t measure up to the “super moms”. She works full time and is doing a wonderful job. I think your book would be perfect for her. I am about to finish up “Becoming More Than A Good Bible Study Girl” and I’m loving it. Thanks so much!
I have struggled with NOT being a stay-at-home mom for a long time and more recently being a single mom. Reading your our comment about having ‘the exact qualities God knew my kids would need in a mother’ was an ‘aha’ moment for me. I think my kids are growing up into good people so perhaps I wasn’t suppose to be home all the time to be a ‘super-mom’.
I am just now getting a chance to read this. My family and I just returned home from vacation. We had a wonderful time focusing on each other and nothing else. It was just what God ordered! In the daily hectic lives that we live I frequently feel like a failure as a Mom. I struggle trying to get everything done while spending the quality time with my kids they desperately need. I would love to read your book.
I struggle with this on a daily basis it seems like. I have worked full time from home for 4 years. I have a 5 yr old & a 1 yr old…Everything was fine until the 2nd one came along….I am struggling between being a mom during the day, while trying to work and still keep my sanity not to mention the house from being absolutely destroyed. Don’t get me wrong I do not neglect the kids but also feel I could be a better mom while working. I have not found the balance yet! Lord please help me!
Thanks Lisa!
Oh man! Do I struggle with this one…..I loved, loved, loved your blog! When I think this way and pray this way…I bloom! I just fall out of this thinking sooo quickly.
It’s so nice to know…others struggle in the same way. Hugs
I lost my job today I am keeping the faith that all will be well
I definitely needed this one. I’m not a mother but I have been struggling with this for sometime now and especially this past week I found myself beating up on myself. God really sends the right messages when we need it. Thank You and Godbless you and all the other “works in progress”
I would so appreciate this book since I am entering into a new season of my life. After trying to be the super mom I thought God was calling me to me… He has provided for me, humbled me and changed me. He just shows me He wants obedience to what He is saying to me. We all so want someone to follow maybe because we see good results in their lives so we just try to copy one another. It is easy to do for a while but God is teaching us to not be people pleasers and to stand up for what He tells us to do. And it will be different walk most of the time. Thanks for showing me and others what we battle in our subconscious. God just deliver us from ourselves. He has equipped us with all things we need to do the work of the kingdom. my purpose with my kids is to allow them an environment to fall more in love with jesus everyday. i mess up everyday with all the training etc. but the” law kills but the spirit brings life everlasting”. That is what I am counting on, not myself because in me there is no good thing, but His faithfulness will sustain us if we only believe.
Thank you so much for this post, it is just what I needed. It’s so hard working full time outside of the home and trying to keep the house up, family fed, etc. My friend, Mary, and I would really benefit from this book. Thanks!
I don’t want to compare. I want to be the best mom I can for my four darlings!
Thanks!
This was such an encouragement to me. I have to remind myself often to just be myself and the mother God made me to be. It is so easy to compare myself to other mothers who seem to “have it all together.”
I would love to have a copy of your book. I am in a stage of my life where I am parenting teenagers. I never new it would be this hard. We have brought the kids up in church, taught them right from wrong, and showed them how to be respectful to adults. But I think parents are excluded from this in their minds. They are good kids but their attitudes still need a lot of adjusting. I have heard other parents say “parenting teenagers is the hardest job in the world”, now I believe it. My kids are Christians but I want them to have a personal relationship with Him and desire to be more like Him every day. My hearts desire is that they would live their lives pleasing to Him. I was praying this morning for God to show me something that would help me with parenting my kids. Reading your blog and the Proverbs 31 devotions have been a blessing to me. There have been several times I have been dealing with a situation in life and I read something from you dealing with that same issue. Thanks for sharing your life with us.
Wow where do I start I would love this book as a reminder that our families move after 10 years is not destroying my children. It is very difficult to remember that I am not ruining my 5 children in my reactionary often (way to often) screaming demeanor. I so want to change it but feel so incapable. I know God chose me to be their mother yet believing that I am doing it well seems to escape me. We moved our family of 7 from a small town of 3000 to the big city of Denver it is hard not to worry that I am not destroying them. Thanks for often bringing me to the cross to let go of exactly what I am beating myself up about. Blessings to you and your ministry.
Cindy
I am too late for the book to win, but I know just where you are coming from. I have a four year old, a three year old, and my third is due in seven short weeks. I have had a high risk pregnancy with lots of times when I can’t do things for my kids. I have sat in my living room and wondered if I am messing them up. I may go out and get this book because sometimes I am so overwhelmed with that very question. I love that you said that God knew the exact qualities your kids would need in a mom and I really find that encouraging. Thanks Lysa for sharing yourself with others!
I would love a copy of your book for my daughter. She is a mother of twin two-year-old girls. Enough said? In the midst of trying to survive the terrible two’s, she’s also trying to work three 12-hour shifts a week. Husband is working 24-hour shifts and seems to be able to grab enough sleep to survive… but she is on tilt. Needing encouragement.