There is a good and proper way to drive oneself crazy during the holidays. Attempt outdoor lighting.
Yes ma’am, there’s nothing quite like it.
When will we learn that only God should hang things very high in the air? I somehow imagine when the great star in the east decorated the first Christmas sky, the hanging of it did not involve roof clips.
Nor did it involve humans I love hanging from ropes and ladders extended just a little too far.
And yes, my mother did teach me better. And yes, she did tell me horror stories about people who have in fact fallen and “broken every bone in their body” just so their house can look a little more Chevy Chase-ish.
Really, I do slightly blame Chevy for the great light fiasco of Christmas ’08. That movie he did made men everywhere laugh with the Tim the Tool man growl over lights on a house.
So, it started when my man bought outdoor lights last year at the after Christmas sale at the Home Depot.
Lesson number one, if a store still has lights after Christmas, there may be a reason no other human was interested in them.
So, while I was out of town speaking this past Friday, Art and the girls pulled their little lighting treasures from the attic and set out to give our neighbors something to talk about.
And talk they did. I’m sure of it.
Because after 12 hours of blood, sweat and tears, the switch was thrown.
Y’all the lights were blue. BLUE! Which is perfectly fine if you wanted blue lights- if you bought blue lights- if you were delighted by blue lights. Which was not the case with us.
Imagine the olden days of K-Mart when the special of the day was announced and the blue light started flashing. Oh yes, I loved me some blue light specials.
BUT I DO NOT LOVE ME SOME BLUE LIGHTS ON MY HOUSE!
Seriously, the boxes said they were “white lights.”
And to really make matters worse, two of the strands were in fact that soft, whitish, yellow glow we were going after. Tacky does not even begin to describe the situation.
Having the true meaning of Christmas tucked within my heart, I just softly whispered to my hard working family when I returned home, “well, I do love creativity.” Oh I lie.
There may have been some serious inappropriate laughter and inquiring when those lights would in fact be taken down right this minute. And don’t you think I was bossing him either. I was not. He detested the blue lights worse than me.
So, off to the Home Depot my hubs went to return last year’s after Christmas sale lights that are blue but supposed to be white.
That was a complete and utterly joyous time for both my husband and the salesclerks that helped him, I am sure.
And please let the record clearly state here that I was not the one who wanted the lights.
I have been perfectly happy with a non-lit house for the 16 years we’ve been married. But then we had people. And those people grew. They grew into people with opinions and great desires for houses that light up.
So the Daddy cub in my man, could not disappoint.
The second round of lights brought home literally made me fall to the kitchen floor and exclaim out loud, “slay me dead people, slay me dead.”
Ya’all I thought it was a joke. It wasn’t.
This new batch of lights had dancing snowflakes that flashed as if a Reggi Band was playing close by. I tried to be mature and say it was fine.
But the word “fine” would not, could not, pass from my lips. I could not imagine my next 15 Christmases with Reggi snowflakes dancing outside my window. Not even Chevi would have been okay with that.
And if by some chance, you have the dancing snowflake lights, I heart you. I just can’t come visit right now because my issues with motion sickness and inappropriate laughter prove to be a bad combination.
So, back to the Home Depot the family went.
Oh can you imagine the look on those sales girl’s faces. “That light dude that returned the after Christmas sale lights from last year earlier. Yea. He’s back and currently approaching check out lane number 7 with what appears to be another RE-TURN. Manager needed ASAP.”
You’ll be happy to know, that my local Home Depot is well stocked with blue lights and dancing snowflake lights in case you are in need. Because that sweet store, did in fact let my hubs return everything.
And you’ll be even happier to know that Art is not easily defeated. After his third attempt, we now have beautiful white icicle lights twinkling all about the roof line of our home.
It turns out that if you buy lights for the outside of your house and you don’t want them to have a strange blue glow… you must avoid any boxes that have 3 little letters printed beside the words “white lights.” These bad and stressful letters are “L-E-D.”
If you see L-E-D and you like blue lights, knock yourself out and buy them. Home Depot would thank you.
If you are not fond of combining blue with all other things red, white and green- save yourselves from Christmas light torture and do not buy LED lights.
As if this post weren’t long enough all ready… I do
have a few little announcements.
1. Speaking of blue light specials, K-Mart is in fact running a cyber Monday sale today with free shipping on all orders over $29. Cool.
2. If you haven’t had the chance to peruse the Cool Christmas GiveAway links yet, oh you must. There are some really FAB gifts!
Rumor has it that one of our bloggy friends who likes to wear wrinkled shirts (hint, hint) is giving away airfare and accommodations to Houston for the P31 Girls’ Night Out event.
3. Today, I am giving away my two marriage books, “Capture His Heart” and “Capture Her Heart.” I got inspired to do this from all the comments left this weekend.
I’ll draw today’s winner from all comments on today’s post that encourage my man with his amazing lighting abilities. I’ll announce both the winner from this weekend’s drawing and this one- tomorrow.
From my home to yours, may your Christmas be merry and BRIGHT!